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You're One in a Melon by deepslowpanic for TroublesomeTimes
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
07 Oct 2021
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Summary
Meet your life partner on our new dating app, Farmers Only. The only app where farmers can bond over their love of agriculture, environmentally friendly pesticide, and each other. Sign up today to find the love of your life!
Yoongi looks up from the app to blink at Seokjin, who has a triumphant gleam in his eye. "What the fuck did you download on my phone?”
Seokjin shrugs. "You always said you wanted to be a big, strong, working man's hoe."
-OR-
Unlucky in love, Yoongi is skeptical when Seokjin makes him a profile on a dating app for farmers. Hungover the next morning, he realizes he drunkenly sexted an unreasonably attractive melon farmer, and deletes the app out of shame. It's not like they'll ever come across each other in real life, right?
Series
- Part 1 of Big Gay Farm
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,165
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 190
- Kudos:
- 2,727
- Bookmarks:
- 658
- Hits:
- 26,720
Bookmarked by minipop
31 Dec 2021
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Summary
It’s not necessarily that Seokjin wants to get married, he’s just… lonely. His house is too big and most of his “friends” rotate through it like it’s a resort and not his private residence, maintaining a buffered distance that leaves him wanting something real.
A myriad of relationships under his belt and he doesn’t think one I love you was honest, from them or from him. He dated who he was supposed to, then tried dating who he wasn’t supposed to, then gave up all together.
One of these guys could be the real thing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 137,636
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Comments:
- 438
- Kudos:
- 1,212
- Bookmarks:
- 395
- Hits:
- 34,397
Bookmarked by minipop
31 Dec 2021
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Summary
namjoon and yoongi take a trip to the beach to escape the worst summer ever.
-namgi, side jikook
-namjoon is horny on main
-yoongi has an unrequited crush on jimin
-they stave off the stress of this by holing up in a beach house together for a week
-와 바다다Bookmarked by minipop
19 Oct 2021
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Summary
Seokjin sits on the floor, waiting patiently.
The minutes pass, and Jungkook's sweet moans continue to fill his ears.
Jeez, Jungkook, how long does it take to rub one out?! Seokjin thinks irritably.
*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation.
Jin gets more than he bargained for when he decides to rummage through Jungkook's closet.Bookmarked by minipop
19 Oct 2021
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Summary
Seokjin breaks up with his boyfriend, and Jungkook just wants to help.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,092
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 302
- Kudos:
- 4,325
- Bookmarks:
- 1,450
- Hits:
- 66,748
Bookmarked by minipop
08 Jul 2021
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Summary
Namjoon is fascinated by a boy in a metal band and it's all downhill from here.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 67,316
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 667
- Kudos:
- 3,619
- Bookmarks:
- 1,466
- Hits:
- 86,459
Bookmarked by minipop
11 Apr 2021
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Summary
jungkook and seokjin have been in a relationship for a while and hoseok is hopelessly pining for both of them. he's so busy trying to keep his heart from breaking as he watches them being cute and lovey-dovey together that he doesn't notice the way they return his lovesick stares.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,088
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 400
- Bookmarks:
- 64
- Hits:
- 4,373
Bookmarked by minipop
30 Sep 2020
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Bookmarked by minipop
20 Aug 2020
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Summary
Exes Jungkook and Seokjin meet once more four years later.
[𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘳]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 158,939
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 1,363
- Kudos:
- 3,594
- Bookmarks:
- 1,041
- Hits:
- 119,431
Bookmarked by minipop
10 Aug 2020
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Summary
Rising star Kim Seokjin and former child actor fresh out of rehab Jeon Jeongguk are assigned by their entertainment companies to fake a relationship in order to build a more positive public image. But will the gimmick only make their image worse?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 127,805
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 1,899
- Kudos:
- 8,251
- Bookmarks:
- 2,706
- Hits:
- 211,198
Bookmarked by minipop
12 Jul 2020
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Summary
because that’s the truly infuriating thing about taehyung and what he has become.
he’s hot as the surface of the sun itself and he knows it too. he doesn’t try to hide it, doesn’t deny it or get coy about it like jimin does, like most people would.
but he doesn’t always seem to realize how it effects the rest of them, doesn’t always look to know that they don’t just fall at his feet because they adore him, but because every single one of them is trying to earn their way into his bed. and also because they adore him.
and on the one hand - thank fucking god. thank every possibly deity that could exist, that ever has been or will come to be that taehyung is happy to benefit from it, but doesn’t seem to want to push it, hasn’t thus far been inclined to abuse it. because he’d ruin them. he’d take every single one of them down and they’d thank him for it in turn and then politely ask for more.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 159,476
- Chapters:
- 7/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 386
- Kudos:
- 1,513
- Bookmarks:
- 254
- Hits:
- 27,180
Bookmarked by minipop
21 May 2020
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Summary
Jungkook, who has shaken his hair out of his eyes again, stares open-mouthed at Namjoon for a moment before he breathes, “Wow, hyungnim, you’re so...” and Namjoon swears his eyes track all the way down Namjoon’s body and back up again before he finishes, “smart.”
(Or: Namjoon’s son brings his best friend, Jungkook, home for the summer. Namjoon proceeds to have several existential crises.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 153,586
- Chapters:
- 15/?
- Comments:
- 2,306
- Kudos:
- 2,646
- Bookmarks:
- 905
- Hits:
- 85,375
Bookmarked by minipop
18 May 2020
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Summary
The boys take Jungkook on a ski trip where he learns that he shouldn't be so hard on himself and that Kim Namjoon, has a very big dick.
Series
Bookmarked by minipop
27 Jan 2020
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Summary
Yoongi wants to have sex with a girl who speaks English. Namjoon thinks he can help. Simple translation. That's all. Yeah, that's all it will be.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,028
- Chapters:
- 4/5
- Comments:
- 567
- Kudos:
- 2,232
- Bookmarks:
- 784
- Hits:
- 65,561
Bookmarked by minipop
01 Jan 2020
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Mystery Work
Part of Shelf
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by minipop
05 Dec 2019
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Summary
“Jungkookie,” Taehyung says, gripping him by the collar of his shirt. “How will you ever get married and have the most beautiful babies if you won’t even text him?”
Jungkook stares at him with his mouth open.
“Hyung,” Jungkook says. “I don’t think that’s how that works.”
Or: Jungkook works at a laundromat. Jimin is his favorite customer.
Series
- Part 1 of Laundryverse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,618
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 314
- Kudos:
- 1,331
- Bookmarks:
- 401
- Hits:
- 23,791
Bookmarked by minipop
21 Nov 2019
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Summary
"good afternoon," jeongguk says. "do you have a few moments to listen to the word of god?"
the young man in front of him crosses his arms, tilts his head in thought. "depends...what's he saying these days?"
(jeongguk spends the final days before the rapture trying to turn lost souls to the word of god and comes across seokjin who challenges all of his beliefs).
Series
- Part 1 of casi cielo
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 118,481
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 1,381
- Kudos:
- 8,343
- Bookmarks:
- 4,112
- Hits:
- 264,096
Bookmarked by minipop
24 Sep 2019
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Summary
Jungkook buys an unassuming little book at the bookstore and summons a (very pretty, very hot, very chatty) Lust demon by mistake. Also, Jungkook is asexual.
Series
- Part 1 of Lust demons au
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,356
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 335
- Kudos:
- 2,012
- Bookmarks:
- 529
- Hits:
- 29,369
Bookmarked by minipop
30 Aug 2019
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Summary
If anyone were to accuse Namjoon of having watched too much porn, he wouldn’t even deny it. In fact, he agrees. In his defense, he’s weaned himself off of the more problematic stuff in recent years and ventured some into erotic fiction, has done his best to educate himself and get a grip on the horny demon living inside him. He thinks he’s gotten better about it, with practice and age. He feels more in control. He’d go as far as to say he has now fostered a healthy sexual appetite while remaining mindful of the disconnect between porn and reality.
Clearly though, he was very fucking wrong, because all he can think as he watches Jin get down on his knees right in front of him is: blowjob.
or
Namjoon needs to get his dick sucked. Jin volunteers as tribute.
Bookmarked by minipop
11 Jun 2019
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Summary
Namjoon jerks off to a photo of Jeongguk then sees him at a restaurant a few days later.
(art/fic collab with cianbom @ twitter)- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 49,460
- Chapters:
- 7/8
- Comments:
- 406
- Kudos:
- 2,972
- Bookmarks:
- 834
- Hits:
- 56,589
Bookmarked by minipop
28 May 2019