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“This is from all of us,” Jin says with a smile, sliding an envelope towards him.

Jungkook blinks, looking around the table at the six of them. He glances down at the envelope sitting in front of his hands, then back up at the boys who are all staring at him with a smile. He feels an overwhelming sense of love, spreading through his body with the intensity of a wildfire.

His heart beats in sync with theirs, his every thought clouded by his blinding adoration. There is nothing that can come between them, nothing that can break the bond that connects them together with a red string of fate. Jungkook’s always believed in destiny and this, right here, is exactly where he is meant to be.

“For me?” He asks, toying with the envelope that has his name carefully written in black ink. He recognizes Jimin’s handwriting and traces his fingers over it gently. “I thought we agreed on no gifts.”

“Open it Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung laughs, reaching over to tousle his hair.

He very carefully pulls the card out of its paper casing, smoothing it over the table. He’s usually a lot more aggressive with packaging, ripping through things with the impatience of a child on Christmas morning but this seems special. It feels almost ceremonial, so he takes his time opening it.

The card is simple, a landscape of snowy mountains, a sun shining brightly. It looks peaceful, like it’s out of one of Jungkook’s daydreams. It’s the promise that this landscape brings, the tranquillity that he falls asleep fantasizing about. He doesn’t remember the last time they went on a trip together that didn’t involve work or cameras. Not to say he doesn’t appreciate the trips they went on through filming Bon Voyage, he does, but Jungkook longs for something private. A week where they can reconnect, just the seven of them. It’s a silly desire, something he mentions from time to time when managers are around as a joke, knowing very well it won’t happen. It’s something his heart seeks desperately, a want that builds from deep within him that he tries to suppress. What they have is enough, he shouldn’t be greedy. Still as he opens the card, he yearns for the impossible.

They’re all watching him as he goes over Jimin’s delicate handwriting on the inside of the card. He reads it once, twice, a third time and his eyes fill with water.

We all know that what you desire the most is a healing trip for the seven of us, so we planned one for you. 10 days in the French Alps, with nothing but your six annoying friends.

Jungkook feels delirious with happiness, warm tears spilling over his rosy cheeks. He’s pretty certain his heart is going to beat out of his chest and he reads the card for the fourth time, as if the words will somehow disappear. He doesn’t realize his hands are shaking until Taehyung removes the card from his hold and laces their fingers, grounding him.

“Are we really going? Ju-just us?” he stutters, looking up slowly.

They’re all watching him fondly which sends Jungkook into another wave of crying. He’s the luckiest boy in the world and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve being surrounded by such incredible human beings.

Them. His best friends, his soulmates.

“Yeah, we spoke to the team about it and they agreed,” Namjoon responds.

Hoseok gets out of his chair and crosses the dining room to drape himself over Jungkook’s back. Taehyung is still holding onto his hand and he lets himself melt into the additional layer of comfort that Hobi brings. It’s a simple touch but it instantly makes him feel safe, at home.

There is no one he trusts more than the 6 men sitting at this table with him. They have seen him through all of his phases. From awkward teenager to his sexuality crisis a few years ago, they have been with him through it all and Jungkook’s certain he wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t for their patience and their support.

He’s experienced all of his firsts with them. First heartbreak, first kiss, first love, first time. It's always been with them and he doesn’t regret any of it. He certainly doesn’t regret everything that’s unfolded since he lost his virginity a few months ago either.

Unsurprisingly, he’s been experimenting with Jimin the most. It’s convenient that their bedrooms are next to each others and Jimin can just slip into his room late at night for a quick handjob or to give Jungkook yet another one of his famous blowjob lessons. It’s nice, the way all of them are eager to help him discover what he’s into.

“Thank you for doing this for me, this means the world,” Jungkook breathes out shakily, squeezing Taehyung’s hands.

“We know you’ve had a lot of hardships this year and that you feel like you disappointed the fans, us,” Namjoon continues. “We wanted to show you how much we appreciate you and how hard you work. We are so proud of you and everything you are.”

Jungkook starts crying again, burying his face in Hoseok’s chest. There’s a tidal of emotions that swirls around his chest, hitting him all at once and swallowing him whole. The guilt has been eating at him, weighing on him through all of their scheduled appearances. It’s still there, the pressure on his shoulders, but it subdues with Namjoon’s words and makes space for relief. They’re proud. Even with his tattoos, with his long hair, with the drama, with the minor car incident, they’re proud of him. They love him.

It’s a forceful energy that’s been living inside of him for years now, a constant battle with who he wants to be and who people expect him to be. The fragile line between his persona and his true self becomes blurry as their fame rises and Jungkook struggles to find a balance. He wrestles with himself, searching for an understanding of who he is and aching for answers. Often he watches himself on stage and it’s like watching a completely different person. The man up there looks like him, he sounds like him but it feels like a fraud.

Jungkook knows that with everything that’s happened recently, he’s disappointed a lot of people. The fans, the agency, the group… he let everyone down and it seems like there’s no way to fix it. It’s hard because he wants to find himself but he doesn’t know how to get there without hurting everyone in the process.

“It’s a gift for all of us at the same time,” Jin adds. “It’ll be healing for everyone.”

They all need this for many different reasons. With all the success this year has brought, it’s also been gruelling on the group. Their dynamic hasn’t changed, nothing could touch that, but their spirits have diminished. Jungkook’s not blind, he sees how tired they all are but none of them are ready for it to end. As much as it hurts, the fire that burns inside of them keeps them going. They can’t stop, they love this too much to stop. If it consumes them, at least they’ll come crashing down together.

At least they’ll have each other.

The trip will be good. A reminder of where they came from and a hopeful outlook on where they’re heading. Jungkook thinks maybe this should become a yearly occurence, a time for them to reflect before the end of the year and rejoice in what they have.

“Let’s pick out the rooms,” Jimin says with a smile, slapping a piece of paper on the table.

He rips it apart in 7 pieces, carefully writing pairs of letters on them before folding them in half. Jungkook watches the way his wrist delicately traces the roman letters.

A, A, B, B, C, C, D. Four rooms, Seven boys. Jungkook hopes he won’t be the one who gets the room alone. He'd probably be able to switch with someone if he did, but it'd be easier if he didn't have to. Jimin takes off his cap, smoothing over his messy hair before he throws the pieces of paper in it.

“It’s only fair that we go by age,” he says, stretching his arm to hold out the cap in front of Jin .

The eldest chooses one of the folded slips carefully, keeping it closed until everyone has their own. They all reach into the hat, one by one until a single letter remains, sealed with fate for Jungkook to pick out. Please don’t be D, please don’t be D, please don’t be D, he repeats in his head as he stares intently at his pick. He knows wishing for it won’t change what’s already been decided by luck, but he does anyway.

“Alright, open,” Yoongi says, carefully unfolding his.

Jungkook quickly follows and grins at the bold, capital ‘A’ staring back at him. Not D. He looks up and immediately meets Namjoon’s eyes. They fold into crescent moons when he smiles, soft dimples appearing as he turns his paper to show his matching one. Jungkook can’t help but smile back at the sheer happiness emanating from his hyung and it takes everything in him not to start crying again. This couldn’t have been a better pick.

They haven’t had a moment alone in months, not since Namjoon’s fingered him. They’ve kissed a few times, when they get bored during a movie or for comfort after a bad show but it hasn’t gone further than that. Partly because of their schedule but mostly because Namjoon always needs an extra push to initiate intimacy. Jungkook knows Namjoon gets a little in his head when they go on trips together so he’ll seize the opportunity and find ways to help him relax.

He looks away from Namjoon and sees Jin waving around a piece of paper in victory while Taehyung lays atop Yoongi, trying to convince him to switch so he can share a room with Jimin. He doesn’t need to do much convincing because Hoseok is much neater and much quieter than Jimin, making him the perfect roommate for Yoongi.

Jungkook folds his hand over his pick and smiles, a wave of euphoria washing over him. This is exactly where he’s supposed to be.


_________________

Jungkook nearly falls over when he walks into the cabin, tripping over the pile of luggage that’s been left in the entrance.

“Wha— Why is all the luggage in the way?” He calls out, his voice echoing against the walls.

“We’re claiming rooms!” Jimin calls from upstairs and Jungkook groans, setting his own suitcase down in the pile and running up to where the voice came from.

By the time he gets upstairs, every room is already claimed. Jin’s got the biggest one, lies proudly in the middle of the king size mattress and gushes about how well he’s going to sleep without anyone to bother him for the next ten days. He’s already got his RJ plush toy tucked in by his side, resting against one of the numerous pillows.

Jungkook peeks around the rooms until he finds the one with Namjoon. He’s washing his hands in the small bathroom when Jungkook walks in and he smiles brightly at him through the doorway.
“Took you long enough,” Namjoon says with a laugh.

“I had to go park the car after everyone got their things out,” Jungkook groans, flopping dramatically onto the bed. “This is what I get for always wanting to drive.”

He glances around the room, familiarizing himself with the place he’ll be calling home for the next ten days. The first thing he notices is their window. It takes up most of the wall and has a gorgeous view of the mountains, similar to the Christmas card the boys gave him just a few weeks prior. Jungkook already knows he’s going to love waking up to this, to the sun reflecting on the snow and Namjoon’s sleepy face, glowing in the morning light.

The second thing he sees is the shower. It’s hard to miss, nestled in the corner of the room, facing the bed with a floor to ceiling glass panel. His brain goes fuzzy as he pictures Namjoon in it, hair dripping with water and chest covered in soap. Namjoon’s thighs, soaking wet and on full display for him. As if reading his mind, Namjoon steps out of the small bathroom and follows his gaze to the shower.

“Ah, the shower is nice isn’t it?” He says, rubbing the back of his neck which Jungkook knows is a sign of him being nervous.

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods, shifting so he sits cross legged on the bed. “I mean, we can take turns. I can go hang out in the living room while you shower…”

Namjoon laughs, climbing on the bed to sit next to him. Jungkook feels hot all of a sudden and when Namjoon puts his hand his knee, he fears he may combust.

“I fingered you a couple of weeks ago, I think we can handle showering in the same room,” he says casually.

Jungkook can hear the way his voice falters but he doesn’t say anything, just breathes out and tries to will away the memories that flood his mind. Namjoon’s fingers inside of him, the heated kiss, Namjoon coming in his pants before Jungkook could get his hands on him. He tries to switch his focus to something else and his eyes fall on the large hand curled around his knee.

That doesn’t help at all.

Thankfully, Namjoon puts him out of his misery and gets up after giving his knee a squeeze.

“I’ll go get our luggage,” he says before walking out of the room.

Jungkook falls back against the mattress and covers his face with a pillow, screaming into it with frustration. He considers jerking off quickly, to get a grip on himself before Namjoon’s impending return to the room but he decides against it.
There’s still a part of him that thinks he doesn’t deserve this, that believes he shouldn’t be having this much fun when he’s disappointed so many people. He felt like this in New Zealand as well, has been feeling like this for months now and is struggling to find a way out of it. It’s conflicting because he wants to enjoy this, he’s genuinely happy about this trip but there’s a small voice at the back of his head that tells him he’s not allowed.

He rolls onto his stomach with a sigh and falls asleep before Namjoon has time to return to the room.


_________________

 

When he wakes up from his nap, they’re about to leave for the grocery store and though they offer to wait for him, Jungkook decides to stay behind. He wants to wash off the flight, wash off the driving, wash off the doubts and the guilt. It’s silly, that he’s still so worked up on something that happened months ago but he can’t seem to shake off the feeling of disappointment.

He barely waits for them to be be gone before shedding off his clothes and climbing into the shower. Showers have always been Jungkook’s solace. When his head won’t stop spinning and the stress feels like it might swallow him whole, he seeks the introspective comfort of a warm shower. The first hit of water feels heavenly as it travels over his hair, across his shoulders and down his back. It washes over him, along with the stress, the worry, the exhaustion, pooling at his feet and disappearing down the drain.

Jungkook looks up when he realizes he’s forgotten to close the blinds, the sun shining brightly and casting a shadow on his body. He doesn’t really care, there are no neighbours in sight and if he’s being completely honest, Jungkook is a little turned on by the idea that people walking by could see him shower.

The thought of being watched, while he’s at his most vulnerable, makes him vibrate with excitement. It’s a new kink, something he’s discovered recently and wants to explore more. He’s done it twice before, jerking off with Taehyung while Jin watched them but he wants to take it further. A movie theatre maybe? A bathroom at some kind of event? It’s dangerous, especially given their idol status but that makes it even more exciting. He’ll find a way. In fact, he knows Yoongi’s done it before and Jungkook’s sure it won’t take much convincing for him to do it again.

He lets his hands travel over his body, eyes closed and teasing. They go down the side of his neck, trailing over his chest and resting over his stomach, just above his cock. He’s already half-hard, his body sensitive to touch and he sighs, head falling forward when he finally closes his fingers over the length of his cock.

It doesn’t take long for him to get into it, not when he’s thinking of Namjoon’s fingers deep inside of him. He remembers it clearly, the softness of his lips against his, the three fingers pumping in and out of him slowly, dragging inside him. He shudders at the thought, steadying himself with a hand on the wall and his hips twitch forward. Jungkook moans, loud and the sound travels across the cabin. Good thing he’s alone.

He loses himself to it, fucking into his fist quickly with the glide of the water and—

“Shit! Sorry!”

Jungkook snaps his head up and finds Namjoon staring back at him. He seems flustered, cheeks red as his eyes travel down to where Jungkook’s hand is still on his cock.

“I’m sorry, I just, I forgot my glasses,” He says quickly, fumbling around the bed to find them.

They make eye contact again when he turns back and Jungkook’s cock twitches in his fingers, making him groan unexpectedly. There’s a part of him that wishes Namjoon would shed his clothes off and join him, the thought of it makes his entire body flame up.

Jungkook considers asking him to stay, to ditch the grocery shopping so they can get each other off quickly but he can’t get the words out. If he opens his mouth, it’s a moan that will spill from his lips.

“I’ll uh, the guys are waiting for me, I’m gonna,” Namjoon’s eyes glance down again, like he can’t help it. “Go. I’m gonna go.”

He nearly trips on the way out of the room, holding his glasses to his chest. Jungkook listens to the sound of Namjoon’s feet against the hardwood as he runs out of the cabin and when the door slams shut, he bursts into laughter.

There’s something so genuinely endearing about Namjoon and his awkwardness that Jungkook can’t get enough of. It’s confusing how he simultaneously wants to climb him like a tree and squish his cheeks.

The movement of his hand picks up again slowly and with the image of Namjoon staring at him just now, with the ghost of his long fingers inside him, it only takes a couple minutes for him to build up to his release. There’s a needy hyung that escapes his lips when he comes, shooting his load against the grey tile of the shower.


_________________

 

“Thanks Hyung,” Jungkook says, when Yoongi hands him a cup of hot chocolate.

He scrunches up his nose, bright pink from spending the day outside and quickly wraps both of his hands around the mug, the steam warming up his frozen ends. He sits in the middle of the couch, blowing on the scalding drink before taking a sip.

It doesn’t take long until the rest of the guys join them in the living room, fitting themselves on the sofas. There’s plenty of space still but Jungkook watches with a smile as Taehyung squishes in next to Jimin on the small armchair, nearly engulfing him with his body. Hoseok, who complains about being cold all the time, curls up to Yoongi’s left side on the love seat and shares a fuzzy blanket with him.

“You had fun with Jin?” Namjoon asks, letting himself fall on the couch next to him.

Jungkook grins, shifting so he can press his back to Namjoon’s chest. It’s instant, the way his arm wraps around his shoulders and pulls him just a little closer. Jungkook sighs happily, taking a sip from his mug.

“Yeah! He had trouble keeping up with me on the harder slopes,” Jungkook grins.

It’s not entirely true. Jin’s a great snowboarder but he’s not as reckless as Jungkook is when it comes to riding on the edge of a precipice. Jungkook likes the thrill of it, he loves the adrenaline rush that comes from being inches from the cliff, the spike in his heart rate from the danger of it all. Jin prefers to keep to the middle of the slope, watching Jungkook with a careful look.

“Stop lying,” Jin says, rolling his eyes and finding a comfortable position to his left. Jungkook feels secure, encased between the broadest members. “Just because I don’t enjoy near-death experiences like you do, doesn’t mean I can’t keep up.”

Jungkook giggles behind his mug and shifts slightly, resting his head on Namjoon’s shoulder and his feet in Jin’s lap. It feels cozy and Jungkook shuts off the conversation that carries on around him, enjoying the moment. He could fall asleep like this, with the quiet buzzing of Taehyung’s voice and the warmth of the bodies by his side.

There’s a thick silence that falls after a bit, surrounding the room and sending a chill down Jungkook’s spine. It’s a wind of unsaid words that travels and weighs heavily over each of their heads. The words come before he can stop himself, before he can push them back down and keep them where they have been buried since their vacation.

“I’m really sorry,” he exhales, keeping his eyes down.

“Jungkook-ah, stop,” Yoongi says before Jungkook can continue.

He doesn’t want to stop. He needs to get this off his chest before it crushes him completely. He’s normally quiet about these situations, preferring to deal with his emotional turmoil alone, as to not burden his friends, but this has been consuming him for too long. If he wants to get past it, he needs to be honest about how he feels.

“No, please let me say this,” he continues, shaking his head. “I promise I’ll stop talking about it after. I just need to get it out.”

Yoongi looks like he’s about to respond but Namjoon gives him a look, mouthing ‘let him talk’ before he nudges Jungkook to carry on. It takes him a few seconds to gather his thoughts, trying to find the best way to go about this. He already knows that they’ll tell him he has nothing to be apologetic for but that doesn’t matter to him. He needs them to know he’s sorry, needs them to know he’s trying.

“I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, trying to figure out who I am and generally what I stand for as a person but I know it stirred up a lot of things. Whether it be within the company or with the fans,” Jungkook tries to keep his voice steady, the lump in his throat keeping him on edge. “So I’m sorry. I’m sorry that me going after what I want has brought on so much trouble for everyone, I’m really trying to find a balance between it all but it’s hard. Really hard.”

Namjoon’s hand squeezes his bicep and Jungkook falls back a little, melting against him. He feels lighter, now that the weight’s been lifted off his shoulder and that he no longer has to pretend that he’s okay. He tries to push down the tears, or at most delay them, focusing his attention on other things. Namjoon’s fingers curled around his arm, the nervous bounce of Taehyung’s knee, the snow falling quietly outside.

“We all feel like this,” Jimin says, giving him a smile. “Do you remember how awful I was a few years back when I was trying to overcome the image that I had built when we debuted and just be myself?”

Jungkook doesn’t mean to laugh but he does, joined with the rest of the guys who remember all too well. They all remember the way Jimin had fought so hard to be more masculine, to build muscle and go against what he really wanted so he could fit into the mold of what he thought the fans were looking for. It was a trying time for all of them, having to navigate around Jimin who was always on edge and fighting an internal battle that no one could help him with.

“It took a long time for me to be okay with myself,” Jimin pursues. “You shouldn’t have to apologize for going after what you want. We know nothing you do is with the intention of hurting us or Army.”

“Jimin’s right,” Taehyung adds, hooking his chin over Jimin’s shoulder. “We don't hold this against you at all. We've all had our fair share of drama and people will always have something to say about what you do. You can’t control that but what you can control is how you react to it.”

There’s another silence that passes through the room as everyone registers Taehyung’s words. It’s not as heavy as before, in fact it’s quite comfortable, knowing that they all feel the same way, that he’s not alone in this.

Hoseok’s the one who breaks the silence after a few minutes, sighing heavily before he talks.

“For me, it’s the constant doubt,” Jungkook notices the way he takes a short pause, as if what he’s saying is hitting him all at once. “Often I wonder if it would be easier to stop now, while we're at the height of our fame, before it all comes crashing down on us… but then I remember why I do this. I do it because I have a burning fire inside of me, the same as yours. The passion, the love, we have for what we do is stronger than everything else.”

Jungkook knows the last part is directly for him and he breaks. His shoulders shake under Namjoon’s hold as the lump in his throat becomes too big to swallow down and he starts crying. He brings his hands to his face, trying to wipe the tears with his sleeves as they fall.

“I just…” he says, voice quavering. “I just want to live up to your expectations, I want to make all of you proud.”

“You do Jungkook-ah,” Jin’s voice is gentle as he speaks and he wraps his hand around Jungkook’s ankle, rubbing reassuringly.

“I do?” Jungkook sniffles, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

“Of course you do. You work so hard and shine so bright,” Jin smiles at him and Jungkook knows he’s genuine. “We all go through the same things that you do. I worry all the time about my image and how people perceive me. I just think it's important to remember that what we see and what actually is, are two completely different things.”

There’s something that bubbles in his chest at Jin’s words, a warmth that quickly spreads through his bloodstream and makes him feel safe, loved. He meets Yoongi’s gaze and when he smiles at Jungkook, it’s a reminder that everything will be okay. No matter what happens, he has them to fall back on.

“Jin has a point. We all have our doubts but we have to think of the big picture. We have to put into perspective everything we’ve been through and what came out of it. We keep rising even when people expect us to fail and we'll keep doing it together,” Namjoon’s words are spoken softly but they weigh heavy in intensity. “Lets say I were to bring up disbanding right now, what would you all say?”

There’s a chorus of no, everyone quick to answer in harmony. Jungkook is relieved to see they all think the same, that no matter how hard things get, the idea of not being a group anymore isn’t on the table.

It had been an option, just two years ago. A serious conversation that they had all taken part of and that still loomed over their heads like a dark cloud. Jungkook could never forget it, how he’d cried for hours as they weighed their options and the list of cons grew bigger than the list of pros. How he’d begged them not to do this, choking for air as he sobbed and punched Namjoon’s chest in a vain attempt to wrestle out of his tight hold. They had worked through it, eventually coming to the conclusion that they would try one more time, one more comeback and reevaluate after.

Jungkook shudders at the memory.

"That's the point i'm trying to make,” Namjoon continues. “As hard as it may seem, as much as we get in our head about our issues, we're not in the same place we were last year or the year prior. We’re stronger, we're smarter and we've learned how to work better together."

Jungkook doesn’t look at him when he speaks, keeping his head down and wiping his nose with his sleeve.

"We all make mistakes, but this wasn't one of yours Jungkook. We love you. You and everything you are. With your tattoos and your bright smile and your self-doubt,” Namjoon pokes his cheek, pressing his finger in until Jungkook's laughing softly and looking up at him.

The overwhelming amount of love he has for all of them hits him all at once, making him dizzy. His head spins with the realization that he will never feel this strongly about anyone else, that this is it for him. He’s been with them for nearly ten years, slowly growing to love each and every one of them in very different ways. What they have is special, a bond that can never be reproduced and that can never be broken. Even when this is all over, when their hair turns grey and they can’t quite move the way they want to, at least they’ll have each other.

"Love you too,” Jungkook looks at Namjoon and then around the room. “All of you. More than you will ever know.”

 

_________________

 

“Hyung,” Jungkook says, leaning against the doorframe.

Namjoon’s sitting in the middle of their bed, pen and paper in hand and scribbling quickly. He’s frowning behind his glasses and humming a melody Jungkook’s heard hundreds of times before.

He doesn’t look up from his notebook when he mumbles out a ‘yeah?’, too focused on whatever he’s currently working on. Jungkook sighs and walks over to the bed, standing in front of it. It takes three full minutes for Namjoon to finally look up at him.

“Do you need anything?” he asks, setting his notebook down.

“You’re not supposed to be working,” Jungkook states, climbing on the bed and sitting on his knees in front of Namjoon.

“But—”

Jungkook doesn’t let him finish. He knows exactly what Namjoon will say. He’ll tell him he works because that’s all he knows how to do, because while the rest of them cook and clean, his best contribution is the music. It’s not true and Jungkook could go on for days about every little thing that Namjoon brings to the group but instead, he just sets both of his hands on Namjoon’s cheeks and kisses him. He’s been thinking about doing this since they got to France and this feels like the perfect moment, the distraction will be beneficial for them both.

Namjoon doesn’t resist, surprisingly, just follows Jungkook’s lead when he lays him back on the mattress. The kiss builds up slowly, a smooth drag of their lips and a hint of tongue, barely there as they get familiar with each other again.

Jungkook’s hand slips under Namjoon’s shirt and he groans into the kiss as he feels the shape of his muscles under the pad of his fingers. He takes his time, enjoying the curve of Namjoon’s chest, the growing lines of the abs he’s been exercising towards for the last few months. He drinks in every single moan from Namjoon, cataloging the way his body arches into his touch.

“The door,” Namjoon mumbles in between two kisses.

Jungkook ignores him, licks into his open mouth and deepens the kiss. He hikes Namjoon’s shirt a little higher, grazing his fingers over one of his nipples.

“Jungkook-ah, the door is open,” Namjoon repeats, this time a little louder making the younger pull back with a sigh.

“Who cares?” he responds, nipping at Namjoon’s jaw.

Namjoon pushes him off and Jungkook rolls onto his back reluctantly. He groans unhappily, watching as Namjoon gets out of bed to go close and lock the door. While he’s up, Jungkook quickly clears the bed. He carefully picks up the notebook, pen and phone and sets them on the side table, knowing they’ll get in the way.

When he turns back, Namjoon’s walking towards the bed again and removing his shirt in the process. Jungkook huffs out a groan and reaches out for his hand, pulling him down on top of him.

The kiss is lot hungrier this time, Jungkook kisses him with intent, a fire building inside of him. He never loses an opportunity to kiss Namjoon like his life depends on it. He’s spent years fantasizing about what it would be like, how it would feel to finally get what he wants and now that he gets to have this? He’ll enjoy every second of it.

Namjoon tilts his head back in a moan and Jungkook’s takes it as an opportunity, moving his lips slowly over Namjoon’s throat and then his neck. He spends a lot of time pressed up in the crook of his neck, alternating between kisses and licks, grazes of his teeth where he can feel Namjoon’s heart pounding. He loves the sounds that he can get out of him, the way his body reacts to the different sensations. Jungkook could do this forever, but he knows Namjoon won’t let him.

Once he’s satisfied with the results (a nice purple bruise that will remain for the rest of their trip and Namjoon’s soft breathy whines), he starts kissing down Namjoon’s chest and gets to work on the button of his jeans.

“Can I?” he asks, looking up at him with bright eyes.

Namjoon nods quickly, huffing out a breath when Jungkook pulls the zipper down. The last time they were together, it had been all about Jungkook. They had focused on exploring new things, on overcoming firsts and he hadn’t even gotten the time to return the favour. This time, he wants to make it all about Namjoon, about his pleasure.

He slowly pulls Namjoon’s jeans down, along with his underwear and when his cock springs free, he loses his breath a little. Jungkook’s seen him naked, knew he had a relatively large cock but he’s never seen him hard like this. In fact, Jungkook’s not sure he’s ever seen a dick this big in his life. It falls against Namjoon’s stomach with a obscenely loud slap and Jungkook’s mouth waters.

"Oh," he gasps. "Jin-hyung was right.”

"Uh?" Namjoon chokes out, the tip of his ears turning red.

It’s quite a sight. The contrast between how shy Namjoon is and the giant cock that twitches ever so slightly when Jungkook grazes his fingers over it. Jungkook makes sure to take note of every single detail from the way Namjoon’s fingers are rubbing at the back of his neck nervously to the sweat beading on his chest and his long shaft, that stands proudly between his legs.

"You do have a really big dick,” Jungkook responds with a smile.

Namjoon’s mouth drops into a small o shape as he tries to process what Jungkook’s just said. It’s cute, the way his face contorts with confusion and a flash of something else, something that Jungkook can’t quite identify.

“Why were you— actually, I don’t want to know,” he says with a shake of his head.

Jungkook topples over when he laughs, pressing his cheek against Namjoon’s thigh. From this angle, Namjoon’s dick casts a shadow over his face and a small sliver of drool falls out of his mouth, sliding over his bottom lip and down his chin.

He makes a mental note to google size kink later, to see if it’s a thing. It has to be and the way he’s salivating right now is confirmation that he definitely has one.

Namjoon looks like he’s about to say something but his voice breaks off in a moan when Jungkook leans in to press his lips against his length. It’s a gentle kiss, followed by a few more as he makes his way up to the head of Namjoon’s cock.

Jungkook wraps his fingers around the base and can’t help but stare at how small his fingers look. He marvels at the way his folded knuckles look around him, the dark RM lettering on his middle and ring finger on display. His temperature rises quickly and his brain goes a little fuzzy at how hot this all is.

There’s a hand that slides in his hair, gentle but firm and Jungkook looks up to find Namjoon smiling at him fondly.

“You alright there?” he asks, his thumb stroking Jungkook’s scalp reassuringly.

“Mhm,” Jungkook responds, matching the movement of Namjoon’s thumb with his own, over his cock. “It’s just really hot. You’re really hot.”

Namjoon laughs and Jungkook’s heart does a backflip. It’s pure and real and Jungkook needs to do something, anything before he starts crying, overcome with how much he loves him. So he lifts Namjoon’s cock and brings it to his mouth, starting off slowly. He stretches his lips around him, slowly sinking down about halfway before coming back up.

Jungkook sets a rhythm, twisting his hand around the base and meeting his lips every time he sinks down. He loves the weight of Namjoon’s dick on his tongue, the taste strong in his mouth. It’s slow, Jungkook takes the time to explore how it feels and the gentle moans that slip out of Namjoon’s mouth. His mouth feels full, lips spread to his max and he has to reminds himself to breathe through his nose.

Eventually he gets more comfortable, gets used to the feeling and starts getting a little more adventurous. He focuses on the head, gathers up the pre-come that leaks from Namjoon’s cock before taking him down again. Jungkook, although he’s never done it before, is pretty sure that he could come untouched from this.

Namjoon’s hips thrust up into his mouth, not enough for him to get all the way down Jungkook’s throat but enough to make him cough a little.

“Oh, fuck. Jungkook-ah, I’m sorry,” Namjoon says, carding his fingers through Jungkook’s hair.

“No it’s okay,” the younger responds when he pulls off, drool dripping down his chin. “You can fuck my throat, I like it.”

Namjoon looks like he’s about to pass out and his hand tightens in Jungkook’s hair. He grunts in pleasure and Jungkook lets himself be guided back to his cock. He opens his mouth, relaxing his throat as much as possible and Namjoon sets a steady pace, fucking into Jungkook’s mouth. It’s gentle at first, tentative almost but when he sees how well Jungkook can take it, how eager he is to please, Namjoon picks up the pace.

Jungkook’s been practicing but there’s nothing that could prepare him for a cock this big, not even Jin’s playful innuendos and so when he finally slides all the way in, Jungkook gags. He coughs, gasping for air and when he pulls back, there’s a mix of spit and pre-come that slips out of his mouth and onto Namjoon’s dick.

It’s ridiculously hot, almost like he’s watching porn but playing a role in it instead. There’s a small part of him that wishes he could watch, see what he looks like laying between Namjoon’s legs, mouth stretched over his cock. He glances up, batting his eyelashes before he smiles brightly at his hyung.

“You look so good like this,” Namjoon groans, both hands fisted in his hair.

Jungkook beams at the praise and hums, opening his mouth again for Namjoon to thrust into. This time he doesn’t go slow, his pupils are darkened with lust and he sets a rough rhythm. Jungkook’s eyes prick with tears but he takes it, happy to be used like this and to be able to provide pleasure for someone he cares so much about.

He gags again but this time, Namjoon doesn’t stop. He’s too close, too lost in the feeling to stop and it only takes a few more thrusts for him to shoot his load down Jungkook’s throat, warm and sticky as it coats his mouth. Jungkook swallows what he can but he pulls back and catches the rest on his lips and cheek.

“Warm,” he giggles, looking up at Namjoon with sparkling eyes.

Namjoon groans and guides the head of his cock to Jungkook’s mouth, smearing his come over his lips. Jungkook parts them slightly, tongue sticking out when he pushes his softening cock past his lips. He sucks softly, enjoying the way Namjoon whimpers from the sensitivity.

Jungkook follows when Namjoon pulls him up to kiss him hard. It’s sticky and wet at the same time, the mix of spit and come shared on their touching tongues. Jungkook shifts so his hard-on presses against Namjoon’s thigh and he rolls his hips lightly.

“Wanna get yourself off like this?” Namjoon asks breathlessly and Jungkook nods quickly, picking up the pace of his hips.

He’s always had a thing for Namjoon’s thighs. He loves all of his hyung’s body but his thighs, muscular and defined, are the best part. When they’re changing or Namjoon wears shorts that ride up, Jungkook often looses his train of thought. Some people would say it’s a problem but he definitely disagrees.

Especially now that he’s got both of his legs on either side of Namjoon’s right thigh and is grinding down on it. He goes fast, kissing his hyung a little desperately as he rubs his clothed cock against his upper leg.

“Hyung,” Jungkook moans against Namjoon’s lips, hips a little frantic.

He knows this won’t last long, not with the slide of their tongues and with the pressure on his dick. He feels his release building and his pace gets desperate, his voice higher too.

“Let go bunny, you’re doing so good…” Namjoon’s voice is deep, the words whispered against Jungkook’s sticky lips.

The petname tips him over the edge and he comes hard, with a cry of Namjoon’s name. He spills, making a mess in his sweatpants and his hips twitch against Namjoon’s hot skin. Jungkook stops kissing and buries his face in the crook of Namjoon’s neck, breathing heavily. There’s a hand in his hair that strokes him through it, patiently, until his breath evens out and his brain clears.

“That was hot,” he finally says, his lips pressed against the bruise he left earlier. He smiles when Namjoon groans softly at the feeling.

“Yeah. When did you get so good at sucking dick?” Namjoon asks, genuinely curious. “Weren't you still a virgin like two months ago?”

“I… may have been practicing with Jimin?” Jungkook laughs, peeking up at him with rosy cheeks.

"Of course you have,” Namjoon presses a kiss to Jungkook’s forehead and there’s an army of butterflies that takes home in his stomach.

Jungkook feels light, happy and for the first time in a long time he thinks maybe he’ll be okay. The voice in his head, the guilt that looms over him slowly fades to make place for bliss. No matter what happens, he knows he has people he can count on. There’s a comfortable silence and Namjoon’s fingers tracing up and down his arm.

“You know I meant it right?” Namjoon says after a few minutes, looking down at him. “We all care about you and we're so proud of everything you've become. I don't want you to ever feel bad about going after something you want or being yourself.”

“I know,” Jungkook sighs. Knowing doesn’t make this any easier. He has a lot of work to do, a lot to learn still but at least he’s trying.

It’s a start.

“You can always come to me when you feel like this. Even if you don't like talking about it, it's important to and it's never a burden okay?”

Jungkook nods and lets Namjoon pull him into another kiss. It’s lighter, there’s no urgency to it, just a lot of love. With every drag of their lips, Jungkook feels a wave of relief wash over him.

They kiss until they fall asleep, Jungkook’s head on Namjoon’s chest and their legs tangled together. He’s still wearing his dirty sticky sweatpants and there’s dried come on his face but he couldn’t care less. With Namjoon’s arms around tightly around him, he feels secure.

He feels safe.