Chapter Text
The first time that Tom Watson dyed his hair he was nine years old. It was an alarmingly loud red, something that made the young boy absolutely ecstatic. It was something that no responsible adult would have allowed such a young kid to do, not only because of the bold color but for the fact that he himself did his own hair.
But, Tommy had no responsible adult that paid him any mind so when the young boy was grabbing his own groceries, clutching his father’s credit card in his pocket as if it would disappear if he let go, and he saw the hair dye that was most definitely not on the grocery list, the young boy just had to get it.
Tommy would also later learn to be grateful that he was naturally a blonde and didn’t have to bleach his hair the first time for if his hair had been any darker than the resulting pigment would have been much more butchered than it turned out to be.
That wasn’t the case though, so nine year old Tommy went to school with a curly floof of red on his head and a smile that never left his face the whole day there. That night on the other hand was a different story because as soon as the young boy got home, he unlocked the door to a shadowed house and dead silence.
Tommy Innit was the loud, energetic, and goofy kid with flaming red hair and shiny blue eyes that never failed to get the class's “Class Clown” award each year without fail.
Thomas Watson was the boy who bought his own groceries at nine years old, the boy who burned his hand at six when he had to cook for himself the first time and had to learn how to patch himself up, the boy who returned to the same empty house day after day.
Tommy hadn’t stopped dyeing his hair since he was nine years old and he was certain he would never stop. Here he was, seven years later and still sporting his iconic red hair. Those at school would tease him over it, the fact he had chosen one color on impulse as a child and then never let it go, and Tommy would laugh and agree but there was a much more genuine reason he could never bring himself to change the color.
That day that Tommy dyed his hair was the day he left Thomas Watson and became Tommy Innit.
So no, Tommy would never dye his hair another color other than his signature red.
…despite how determined his friends seemed to be for him to do otherwise.
“Tommmmy! You’ve had this color forever! It’s getting so boring!” Tubbo sighed
loudly, flopping onto Tommy and nearly making the boy fall out of his seat with a squawk.
“Tubbo, get your fat ass off me!” Tommy yelped, trying fruitlessly to push his best friend away and to the other side of the bench only for the somehow both much smaller and much stronger boy to gasp so dramatically that Tommy was surprised he didn’t choke.
“This is fat shaming! Thomas Innit, I am going to get you canceled! This is vile, I am so shocked, so disgusted! I am disgusted, I am revolted, I dedicated my entire life to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and this is the thanks I get!?”
“Slash, ref.” A new voice supplied helpfully from across the table, watching the entire interaction with a bemused smile.
Tommy’s head shot over and stared at Ranboo incredulously, eyes blown open wide as he gaped at him.
“Betrayal! You should be helping me, Ranboob!”
Ranboo rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat, seemingly more than content to stay in his spot. Tommy could at least recognize that antagonizing the split dyed boy probably wasn’t the smartest way to get him to help.
With a heavy sigh Tommy gave up, simply rolling over onto the floor and letting Tubbo screech as he landed on top of him.
“Give a guy some warning!”
Tommy stuck his tongue out at him like the mature sixteen year old he was, Tubbo immediately doing the same before rolling off of him.
“Are you two just gonna stay on the floor?” Ranboo asked, both Tommy and Tubbo nodding wisely even though the other definitely couldn’t see them.
“Absolutely, boss man!” Tubbo chirped, stretching out in his place. There was a quiet chuckle from where Ranboo was before he walked over and laid down on the other side of Tommy, the trio now just all laying on the floor despite the completely open bench table beside them.
Logic.
“I will say Tommy, I am surprised you’ve never changed your hair color. You’re constantly doing stuff, I would’ve expected you to have done more than just one color.”
“Says you boob boy, having that black and white shit on your head!”
“Hey!” Ranboo whined, turning over to pout at Tommy.
“You’re doging again, Toms!” Tubbo sang, nudging his shoulder against Tommy who huffed and rolled his eyes.
“Oh shut it, bitch boy! I’m just pointing out the obvious shit!”
“Meh, meh, meh, my name’s Tommy and I’m always keeping secrets!” Tubbo mocked, putting on a horrendously awful British accent and pitching his voice up far too many octaves.
“Tubbo, you make me sad.” Tommy sighed, shaking his head solemnly.
The trio continued their banter till the sun tilted teasingly below the skyline, golden hour now shadowing their dark gold rays across the park. Just as always, the three of them stood up together and began to walk to their homes, the chaotic energy around them never abating even as the hours droned by. The first stop, as it always was, was Tubbo’s home.
“Welp, my absolute beloveds, it is time I must depart!” Tubbo proclaimed, wiping an imaginary tear away. Tommy faked an annoyed sigh that was absolutely not believable from the smile that teased his lips, the unnaturally red headed teen leaning over to ruffle Tubbo’s fluff of brown hair, the shorter of who hissed and smacked his hand away before he launched himself into Ranboo’s arms who caught him with a kind of practiced ease that came from what seemed to be practice of constantly catching the boy.
“Tubbo, you are a literal koala.” Tommy said, snickering at how Tubbo clung onto Ranboo who was about an entire foot taller than him. With considerable effort, Ranboo pried Tubbo off of him and playfully pushed him towards the door.
“I am going to miss you both so very much!” Tubbo pretended to sob, stumbling backwards into his house with his arm reached out towards them. Tommy flipped him off with both hands whilst Ranboo waved excitedly goodbye at him.
The now turned duo turned around and walked to Ranboo’s house, not even a five minute walk away from Tubbo’s. Something that Tommy could always appreciate about his time with Ranboo though was the quiet. It was something Tubbo and he rarely had and it wasn’t like Tommy was complaining about the constant energy between them, it was just that Tommy’s social battery always seemed to be shorter than everyone else’s and not having that kind of unspoken obligation to keep up a conversation was something that Tommy gladly accepted. There was always a comfortable energy between them, something that Tommy would even be more than happy to meet up simply to sit in quiet together, doing their own solitary activities in their shared space.
At first though, Tommy acted as if he hated the taller boy. He acted out, insulted, harassed, anything he could to get the boy that Tubbo had brought to go away. It was something that Tommy was still ashamed of in retrospect. He was terrified that this new person would steal his best friend away from him, that this tall, attractive, kind boy would finally make Tubbo realize that he deserved better than Tommy.
But one day, the first time that the two of them were alone, Ranboo offered him an earbud. Tommy had stared at it blankly for an embarrassingly long moment, not comprehending the act itself. After that heavy pause, Tommy silently picked up the earbud and put it in his ear, Jack Stauber beating steadily into his brain.
It was one of the things Tommy had been most grateful for. Ranboo’s unrelenting kindness, his strange indescribable determination to be Tommy’s friend. Ranboo had every reason possible to hate Tommy but instead, he repeatedly put his hand out to the boy and eventually Tommy couldn’t bring himself to turn him away.
So now, in all their times alone together, the two would relax into comfortable silence and it was one of Tommy’s favorite things to do.
…not that he would ever tell Ranboo that. No, of course not, he’d never admit any of that to stupid Ranboob.
Regrettably, it truly didn’t last long and soon enough they stood in front of Ranboo’s impressive home. It was basically a mini mansion, something that Tommy teased the other relentlessly about.
They stopped in front of the door and Tommy’s eyes cut to the lights that shined within the home, dully hearing excitable conversation from behind the closed door. He pretended that the burn behind his eyes and the clench of his heart was just from the wind that had begun to pick up. Yeah, that was exactly it. Just the wind.
“I’ll see you tomorrow Tommy, alright? Tubbo is already undoubtedly blowing up the group chat too and we saw him barely five minutes ago.” Ranboo laughed and sure enough Tommy could feel the repeated buzzing in his pocket from where his phone sat. The bitter feeling he had just felt tinged away though as he smiled, knocking his head gently against Ranboo’s shoulder.
“Clingy.” Tommy said, despite how he still laid his head against Ranboo’s shoulder. Ranboo laughed again, much louder this time as it came from his full chest and the warmth in Tommy’s gut grew even more. Ranboo pulled away slightly, leaning down and softly bumping his head against Tommy’s forehead. It was something the two had done for what felt like forever, some strange silent promise of affection.
“Message when you're home, alright?” Ranboo murmured, his voice strangely quiet and heavy with something Tommy couldn’t quite place.
“Always do, big man.” Tommy grinned. The two shared a smile before Ranboo tapped his head against Tommy’s again, turning over to open his door and Tommy could already hear the boy being greeted as he entered his home.
Oh. There was that choking feeling from before.
Tommy turned away and began his trek, scowling as his head already began to buzz. Whispers of doubt and self loathing had already clutched onto the edges of Tommy’s brain and suddenly Tommy was so, so much colder than he was before. He stuck his hand down his pocket and blindly grasped for his earbuds, clumsily plugging them into his phone and immediately pressing shuffle on a random playlist so that some other kind of noise he could control would overcome his senses.
“They say, you’re a little much for me. You’re a liability- ”
Okay, skipping that song.
“Sorry, Ms. Jackson! I am for real!”
Much better.
Turning his phone to full volume now, not minding any kind of lasting damage the blasting music would last to his poor ears, Tommy pushed down the loneliness he felt and steadily kept walking, the path having been ingrained into his mind long ago. Tommy wouldn’t have been surprised if he could walk the path in his sleep.
Tommy would say he was lucky that as soon as he got to the bus stop, the bus pulled up but Tommy had the schedule memorized long ago. He smoothly pulled out his bus stop, absentmindedly sliding it through and heading to the seat as far back as he could get. He was just going through the motions and the consistent schedule of it was something Tommy held very close to him. Just moving, knowing exactly what to do without even having to think, the music singing right into his ears and the cool air conditioning ruffling his hair and watching the city lights flash by, was the best part of Tommy’s nights. It wasn’t a rarity for Tommy to purposefully miss his spot, just seeing how far it would take him.
Familiar dread settled within him, nothing his music could even distract him from as Tommy stepped off the bus and headed towards his house.
It hadn’t been a home for a long while.
Robotically, Tommy took his keys out and unlocked the door, pushing it open with a grunt as the hinges screeched in protest. They hadn’t been oiled in years and for some reason, Tommy kept expecting to see his dad working on them each morning he saw them.
The house was completely dark and Tommy stood in the doorway for a moment, taking it in. There wasn’t a singular sound other than his own harsh breathing. Tommy’s hand tightened uncomfortably tight around the doorknob, some part of his brain crying at him not to enter the house, to run to Ranboo and Tubbo, to not suffer the horrible loneliness he always did.
He stepped inside and closed the door, flicking the light on and closing the door behind him with a shaky breath. There was a burning behind his eyes as he walked through the house, turning the lights on as he walked.
Tommy was suddenly standing in front of a door and his brow furrowed, blinking his eyes as he tried to remember walking towards it. Not to mention, the door didn’t even lead into his own room. It led to….
Oh.
Tommy silently turned around and walked away from his father’s office, the room was the only reason his dad ever returned home on the rare chance he was there, something he most certainly wasn’t now. Tommy walked to his room and slammed the door shut. No one was there to yell at him after all.
“No one is here.” He whispered, staring blankly at the closed door. A smile, one that was stretched far too wide and showing too many teeth grew on Tommy’s face and he began to laugh. Loud, screeching laughter that almost sounded like screaming now echoed throughout the house and he threw his door open, racing down the stairs and standing in the middle of the living room, spinning around in his place with the never ending laughter.
“No one is fucking here!” Tommy yelled, so loud that his throat burned but it didn’t fucking matter, it didn’t fucking matter cause no one was fucking here!
“No one is fucking here! No one is here, no one ever fucking is! It’s just me! Just me, all the time! I’m so fucking alone!” Tommy screamed, laughing brokenly as tears streamed steadily down his face, dripping down his chin and onto his trembling hands.
“I’m alone!” He fell to his knees, still cackling although they were ending abruptly, followed up by another manic bout of laughter but they kept catching on his stuttering breath. His vision seemed much smaller than it had before and the world was so much blurrier. Nothing around him seemed to exist.
“I’m all alone!” He repeated, screaming, his laughter morphing steadily into his cries and as he slumped over himself he was heaving with gut wrenching sobs. His face was all screwed up and he could feel the pool of tears against his cheek as they gathered on the cool tile he was huddled against.
“I’m all alone.” Tommy whispered. He curled into himself, clutching his arms around his abdomen and tightening his legs up against him, suddenly going from taking up the whole house to not even existing in it.
He kept sobbing until no more tears left his eyes although Tommy could swear he felt the phantom of them. A kind of bone deep exhaustion settled over him and he felt his burning eyes falling, the effort of opening them taking even more effort than they ever had before.
“I want my mom.” Tommy whimpered.
The red haired boy fell asleep then, his fatigue too powerful for him to move, falling asleep right onto the hard tiled floor with his own pool of tears as his pillow.
He woke up the next day at 6am.
No one had found him.