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The station had been rearranged into something that looked deeply concerning, a circle of folding chairs. That alone should have been a warning sign.
Chimney stood in the middle, holding a clipboard like a shield “Okay,” he said. “I’ve decided we’re going to do something healthy.”
Athena crossed her arms. “Chimney.”
Chim sighed. “We’re talking about our feelings.”
There was a collective groan as they heard footsteps approaching. Alex, calm, warm, dangerously perceptive, smiled like she hadn’t just walked into a walking headache.
“Hi, everyone. Good to see you all again.” She said warmly whilst everyone sighed, taking their seats.
Athena gave her a tight nod. “Welcome back to the circus.”
Ravi raised his hand immediately. “Is this mandatory?”
“No,” Alex said gently.
“Cool, cool,” Ravi nodded. “Bye.”
“Not a chance probie!” Chim yelled, causing Ravi to pause. “Everyone is participating.”
“So this is a hostage situation?” Ravi asked, sitting in one of the folding chairs. “Got it.”
Chim clapped once. “Alright. We’ll start with the obvious. Bobby.”
The room went quiet for approximately three seconds.
Chim looked down at his clipboard. “Our former captain. Our friend. The man who kept us all from killing Ravi when he said the q-word.”
“I didn’t know!” Ravi exclaimed.
Hen swallowed. Eddie stared at the floor. Buck’s jaw tightened. Athena’s expression didn’t move, but her hand curled in her lap.
Alex nodded softly. “Chimney, would you like to start?”
Chim let out a breath that almost passed for a laugh. “Sure. Why not, I’m the captain now. I get the fun jobs.”
He shifted in his seat. “So. Bobby dies saving people, saving me. Classic Bobby. Very on brand. And now I’m in his chair.”
No one made a joke. That was new.
Chim shrugged. “And every time something goes wrong, my brain goes, ‘Congratulations, you killed everyone.’ Even when they’re fine. Especially when they’re fine. Survivor’s guilt is super fun like that.”
Buck’s head snapped up. “You didn’t kill anyone.”
Chim shot him a look. “Thank you, Buck. I am cured.”
Ravi leaned forward. “Wait, is survivor’s guilt like when you eat the last donut and feel bad, or—”
“Not the same thing, Ravi,” Hen said.
“Okay, but similar energy?”
Athena huffed despite herself.
Chim rubbed his face. “I just keep thinking he’d know what to do. I don’t, not like he did.”
Maddie reached over and squeezed his knee. “You’re doing great.”
“Sure,” Chim replied.
There’s a long silence where Chim expected someone else to say something about how they feel. To share their struggles since Bobby died.
Buck frowned. “Are you gonna say anything?”
Chim glanced at him. “About?”
“You know. After.”
There was a beat. Everyone’s eyes narrowed slightly.
Buck exhaled. “You didn’t mention the roof.”
Maddie went still. “The what?”
Buck winced. “Okay, see, this is why I don’t do—”
“The roof?” Maddie repeated, turning slowly toward her brother.
Athena’s cop voice slipped out. “Buck?”
Buck held up both hands. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
Hen blinked. “You had to talk him off the roof and that wasn’t a big deal?”
Ravi’s hand shot up again. “Clarifying question. Like, metaphorically, or—”
“Literally,” Eddie muttered.
Maddie was glaring now. “You just forgot to mention that?”
Buck shifted in his chair. “He was just… thinking.”
“On the roof of the firehouse?” Hen asked.
Chim squinted at Buck. “You promised we’d never bring that up.”
Buck threw his hands up. “We’re talking about trauma! You set this up!”
Alex was watching this with the careful expression of someone observing the disarming of a live grenade.
Athena looked at Chim. “You were on the roof.”
Chim waved a hand. “It was more of a moment of calm. Buck’s just dramatic.”
“You were sitting on the edge, drunk,” Buck shot back.
“I was getting fresh air.”
“You were crying.”
“Wind irritation.”
Maddie looked like she might actually strangle someone. “How long?”
Buck looked guilty. “Long enough.”
Athena inhaled slowly through her nose. “And no one thought to tell me this?”
The entire team suddenly found the floor fascinating.
Ravi leaned toward Hen and whispered, not quietly, “Is this where we all get arrested?”
Hen elbowed him.
Chim cleared his throat. “Okay. Yes. I had a moment. A very small, very dramatic, rooftop moment. In my defense, my friend had just died after choosing to save me. I was inheriting his job, and I was… angry.”
“Drunk,” Buck muttered.
Chim pointed at him. “You’re on thin ice.”
Alex finally stepped in. “Chimney, what were you feeling on that roof?”
Chim blinked. “Cold?”
Athena gave him a look.
He sighed. “I was mad at Bobby.” He shrugged again, smaller this time. “After everything, I was mad at him.”
“Why were you mad at Bobby?” Alex asked, her voice calm and measured.
“Because he didn’t give us a chance!” Chim snapped. “He didn’t tell any of us he was infected! He didn’t give us a chance to find a way to save him too!”
Silence settled heavier this time.
Chim let out a humourless laugh. “I didn’t know what to do with that. He gave his life for mine,” his voice quietened. “And I didn’t know if I could carry that.”
Buck’s voice was quieter. “You don’t carry it alone.”
Eddie nodded once. Hen reached across and squeezed Chim’s arm.
Ravi raised his hand slowly. “Okay but hypothetically, if someone feels like that, do you, like, text the group chat?”
That broke it. Athena actually laughed.
Chim shook his head. “God, I miss when our biggest issue was Buck suing us.”
“Hey!” Buck protested.
“We’re not unpacking that again,” Eddie said firmly.
Alex smiled faintly. “Humor can be a defense mechanism.”
Chim grinned. “Oh, absolutely. If I stop joking, that’s when you should worry.”
“Noted,” Hen said.
Alex didn’t look away from Chim. “What was it like being the only one left who truly understands what he went through?” she asked gently. “Not just losing him, but surviving the same virus. Being the only other one infected.”
The air shifted. The jokes stalled in everyone’s throats.
Chim blinked once. Then twice. “Well,” he said lightly, “it wasn’t the first time.”
Alex frowned. “What do you mean?”
Chim shrugged, that easy, playful smile sliding into place. “Well, this was the second time I was infected with a deadly virus. Honestly, I’m starting to think I should start wearing full PPE everywhere I go.”
Hen’s eyes narrowed. “Chim.”
He waved her off. “What? I have a brand.”
Alex didn’t smile. “Second time?”
“Yeah,” he said casually. “I almost missed my wedding. Very inconvenient. Zero out of ten. I would not recommend.”
Maddie’s jaw tightened.
Buck leaned forward immediately. “Okay, in fairness, if you had accepted the bachelor party—”
Chim whipped his head toward him. “Oh my God.”
“—we could’ve helped you sooner,” Buck continued, defensive. “You might not have missed the actual ceremony.”
“I was hallucinating!” Chim shot back. “Forgive me for not prioritising the party, I didn’t even want, while actively dying.”
Eddie crossed his arms. “Before that, you turned us down.”
Chim stared at him. “Really, Diaz?”
“I’m just saying, Buck spent a lot of time planning that party for you.” Eddie said flatly.
“I was hallucinating!”
Ravi’s eyebrows shot up. “That feels significant.”
Hen pinched the bridge of her nose. “This is why we can’t have nice therapy sessions.”
Alex cut in, calm but firm. “Chimney.”
He looked at her. She didn’t let him escape into humor this time. “What was it like? The first time. And then the second. Surviving something most people don’t.”
The smile faltered. Just slightly. “The first time,” Chim said slowly, “I was hallucinating. I didn’t know where I was, where I was supposed to be. I was out of it. Everyone was looking for me.”
Buck muttered, “We were.”
Chim ignored him. “I got better. I felt lucky. Like I’d beaten something.” He swallowed. “The second time? I was lucid, I knew what was happening, I was ready. It was quiet. I wasn’t alone.”
His voice lost some of its sharp edges. “I thought I was the only one sick. I remember Buck and Athena were finding the cure, so all I had to do was wait. I had my team.”
Athena’s eyes glistened, but she didn’t move.
Chim continued, softer now. “And Cap was calm. Of course he was calm. He told me it would be okay. That even if it wasn’t, it would be.” A faint, broken laugh escaped him. “That’s such a him thing to say.”
Maddie reached for his hand.
“And then Buck and Athena found the cure,” Chim said. “And I thought that’s it. We did it. We beat the worst thing that could happen.”
Silence pressed in.
Alex’s voice was gentle. “And now?”
Chim’s jaw tightened. “Now,” he said, the humor gone entirely, “he didn’t.”
The words hung there.
“And I did.”
There it was. The thing underneath all the jokes. Buck’s eyes were wet. Eddie stared straight ahead, rigid. Hen’s hand had found Athena’s at some point.
Chim huffed a breath through his nose. “Feels like I cheated. Like I passed the test twice and he didn’t get a third try.”
“That’s not how it works,” Alex said immediately.
“I know that,” Chim snapped, then softened. “I know that. Logically. But logic doesn’t live on the roof right before a funeral.”
Maddie’s head turned sharply. “Before a funeral?”
Buck winced again. “We are not circling back to that.”
Alex raised a hand gently, grounding them. “Chimney, when you think about surviving those infections, what do you tell yourself?”
He hesitated. “That I’m supposed to do something with it,” he admitted. “Be better. Be stronger. Not screw up. Because if Bobby sacrificed himself so I could live.” His voice thinned. “Then there has to be a reason.”
Athena finally spoke, steady but thick. “The reason is that you were needed.”
Chim looked at her.
“You were needed here,” she continued. “With Maddie. With your kids. With this team.”
Ravi nodded earnestly. “You’re statistically very useful.”
Everyone stared at him.
“What?” Ravi said. “He’s a good captain.”
Hen let out a choked laugh. The tension cracked just enough for air to get in.
Alex watched Chim carefully. “Do you feel guilty for surviving?”
Chim gave a small, crooked smile. “Only on days that end in ‘y.’” He looked down at his hands, at Maddie’s fingers laced through his. “I just keep thinking,” he murmured, “that I know exactly how scared he must’ve been. Because I was scared too.”
Athena’s composure wavered for the first time.
“And he was alone,” Chim finished quietly.
The room went still. Alex let the silence sit this time. No jokes. No deflections. Just the weight of it. The silence was still heavy when Alex shifted her gaze. “Athena,” she said gently. “You lost your husband.”
Athena didn’t flinch. “I did.” Two simple words. Firm. Controlled.
Alex didn’t rush in. “What has that been like for you?”
Athena exhaled slowly through her nose. “Efficient.”
Hen’s head tilted. “Efficient?”
“I handled the arrangements. The paperwork. The house.” Athena’s jaw tightened. “I informed my children. I informed the department. I kept moving.”
“That sounds like survival mode,” Alex said softly.
Athena’s eyes flicked toward her. “That sounds like being a police officer.”
Alex tilted her head. “But you aren’t a police officer in this situation. You're a wife.”
Athena’s jaw tightened. “Widow.”
Alex nodded. “When did you stop moving?”
A beat.
Athena’s composure wavered just barely. “I haven’t.”
Chim swallowed.
Alex leaned forward. “You don’t have to protect everyone in this room right now.”
A faint, humorless smile touched Athena’s mouth. “It’s kind of our thing.”
Ravi muttered, “She does carry herself like she’s armed at all times.”
Hen elbowed him without looking.
Alex kept her voice even. “What do you feel when you think about him?”
Athena didn’t answer immediately. Finally, “Angry.”
That startled a few of them.
“Angry?” Maddie echoed gently.
Athena nodded once. “He promised me we’d grow old together. He promised me we’d slow down. And instead he…” Her voice tightened. “He ran toward it. Like he always did.”
Buck looked down. Eddie’s jaw flexed.
Alex asked carefully, “Are you angry that he chose to save someone?”
Athena’s eyes flashed. “No.” A beat. “Yes.”
The honesty landed hard.
“I am proud of him,” she said, steadier now. “He died the way he lived. Brave. Selfless.” Her fingers curled into her palm. “But I am also furious that I am here without him.”
Hen’s hand squeezed hers tighter.
“That’s not betrayal,” Alex said gently. “You’re allowed to hold pride and anger at the same time.”
Athena let out a breath that almost shook. “I know that. Logically.” She glanced at Chim briefly. “Logic doesn’t live everywhere.”
Chim gave a small nod at the echo of his own words.
Alex continued softly, “What do you miss most?”
That did it. Athena’s composure cracked, not loudly, not dramatically. Just a fracture.
“Quiet,” she said. “The quiet after shift. When the house was still and he was there.” Her voice lowered. “I miss not being the only one awake with the weight of it all.”
The room felt smaller somehow.
“All that’s left is silence.” Athena finished.
Buck’s voice was barely above a whisper. “You’re not alone.”
Athena looked at him. Really looked at all of them. “I know,” she said. “And I am grateful.” She straightened slightly. “But gratitude doesn’t replace him.” No one tried to argue that.
Alex nodded. “What do you tell yourself on the hardest nights?”
Athena’s lips pressed together. “That he knew what he was doing. That he made a choice.” A breath. “And that loving someone like him was always going to come with risk.”
Hen’s voice was soft. “He adored you.”
Athena’s eyes shimmered but didn’t spill. “I know.”
Chim cleared his throat gently. “He talked about you. All the time. It was annoying.”
That earned the faintest huff of laughter from her.
“He’d say, ‘My wife’s got this,’” Chim continued. “Even when things were falling apart.”
A small, genuine smile curved Athena’s mouth at that.
Alex looked around the circle again, the grief, the guilt, the anger, the stubborn love.
“You’re all carrying pieces of him,” she said softly. “In different ways.”
Chim nodded once. “Yeah.”
Athena inhaled slowly, steadying herself. “I lost my husband,” she repeated. Her voice didn’t break. “But I didn’t lose this.”
Alex looked around the circle, clearly deciding they’d sat in feelings long enough to earn a little chaos. “Would anyone else like to share? We’re not here just for the death of your friend, we’re here to unpack all of our traumas.”
Buck immediately pointed next to him. “Him. Start with the well.”
Eddie glared. “Absolutely not.”
Ravi perked up like someone had just announced snacks. “There was a well?”
Hen sighed. “Oh boy.”
Athena leaned back, folding her arms. “This should be good.”
Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was trapped underground. It was dark. I almost died. There.”
Alex didn’t even blink. “What was it like?”
Eddie stared at her like she’d just asked him to do math. “Dark,” he repeated.
Buck leaned forward. “He thought he was going to die.”
“I was buried alive, Buck. That’s generally how that math works.”
“And,” Buck continued pointedly, “he was terrified Christopher was going to lose another parent.”
Silence. Eddie’s jaw ticked.
Ravi’s voice softened a notch. “Oh.”
Eddie exhaled slowly. “Drowning seems like an awful way to go after surviving a war.”
Hen blinked. “That’s your takeaway?”
“Well,” Eddie shrugged, “getting shot wasn’t much fun either.”
Alex’s eyes sharpened. “You were shot?”
Eddie gestured vaguely. “Hen’s been shot too. Athena’s a cop, she’s had bullets directed her way. It’s practically a workplace perk.”
Hen gave him a look. “Do not normalize this.”
Athena nodded once. “Took one in the arm my first year. I recovered.” Then she tilted her head at Eddie. “A sniper round to the shoulder that nearly ended your life? Slightly different.”
Eddie looked deeply unimpressed with all of them. “Don’t even remember it.”
“That’s a lie,” Buck shot back instantly.
Eddie’s head snapped toward him. “You don’t know that.”
“I was there,” Buck said, voice tight.
“I got shot. You saved me. That’s it.” Eddie’s tone was sharp, final, end of discussion.
Alex leaned forward slightly. “That’s it?”
Eddie crossed his arms.
Alex turned her attention to Buck. “What was it like from your perspective?”
Buck blinked. “I wasn’t the one who got shot.”
“No,” Alex agreed gently. “You weren’t.”
Buck shifted in his chair. “He was bleeding. A lot. I just reacted like anyone else would’ve.”
Alex didn’t take her eyes off Buck. “You thought he was going to die.”
Buck swallowed. “Yeah.”
Eddie shifted uncomfortably. “Buck—”
“You dropped,” Buck continued, like he couldn’t quite stop now. “One second you were standing, next second you weren’t. And I couldn’t—” He gestured vaguely at his own shoulder. “I couldn’t fix it fast enough.”
“You did fix it,” Eddie said firmly.
Buck shook his head. “I didn’t know that at the time.”
Silence stretched.
Alex’s voice was quiet. “What were you feeling?”
Buck laughed weakly. “Oh, you know. Totally calm. Great day. Stood there with Eddie’s blood all over me whilst he bled out on the street.”
“Buck,” Maddie warned gently.
His jaw flexed. “I thought Christopher was going to lose his dad.” His voice cracked just slightly. “And I was going to have to tell him.”
The room stilled. Eddie looked at him.
“I didn’t even think about me,” Buck admitted. “I just kept thinking, not him.”
Eddie’s composure slipped, just a fraction.
Hen exhaled slowly. “You two are exhausting.”
Athena nodded. “Truly.”
Alex shifted her gaze back to Eddie. “You say you don’t remember.”
Eddie shrugged. “Shock. Blood loss. Brain did me a favor.”
“That’s convenient,” Chim muttered.
Eddie shot him a look.
Hen leaned forward. “You nearly died. That’s not nothing.”
“I didn’t,” Eddie said flatly.
Buck’s voice was sharp now. “You did.”
“I didn’t,” Eddie repeated. “Because you were there.”
The words landed heavy.
Alex tilted her head. “It sounds like that moment is very clear for you, Buck. And very unclear for you, Eddie.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Ravi said.
Hen rolled her eyes. “Not helping.”
Ravi nodded. “Right. Observing quietly. Processing internally.”
Athena studied Eddie carefully. “You survived war. You survived being buried alive. You survived being shot by a sniper. And your response is ‘it happens.’”
Eddie’s mouth twitched. “Occupational hazard.”
Chim snorted. “You’re not even funny about it. At least commit to the bit.”
Alex folded her hands. “Eddie, when Buck says he was terrified, what does that bring up for you?”
Eddie hesitated. “Nothing,” he said.
“That’s also a lie,” Buck replied immediately.
Eddie shot him a warning look.
Buck didn’t back down this time. “You don’t get to decide it didn’t matter.”
A beat. Eddie’s voice dropped, quieter. “It mattered.” There it was.
Ravi leaned forward. “Progress!”
Hen shoved him back into his chair.
Alex nodded slowly. “What mattered?”
Eddie looked down at his hands. “That he was there,” he said finally.
Buck’s breath hitched almost imperceptibly.
“And?” Alex prompted.
Eddie exhaled. “And I wasn’t alone.”
The room softened. Athena gave a small, approving nod.
Chim glanced at Alex. “You see what you did? Now they’re having feelings.”
“That’s the goal,” Alex replied.
Hen leaned back. “I’d like it on record that I processed my teenage shooting trauma years ago. Therapy. Journaling. Growth.”
“Yes,” Chim said solemnly. “Gold star for Hen.”
Hen smirked. “It’s why I became a paramedic. I wanted to be the person who shows up. Makes a difference.”
Athena nodded. “Same. After I got shot, I doubled down. Figured if someone was going to point a gun at me, I’d rather be standing.”
Ravi blinked. “You people are wildly intense.”
“That’s the 118,” Buck said faintly.
Alex looked around the circle again. “What I’m hearing is that in your worst moments, what stays with you isn’t just the fear. It’s who was there.”
A quiet understanding settled over them.
Chim broke it first. “Okay but if anyone else gets shot, stabbed, infected, buried, we’re scheduling therapy immediately. I am not doing this in a folding chair again.”
Ravi raised his hand. “Can we at least upgrade to snacks next time?”
Eddie leaned back, exhausted but softer around the edges. “Only if Buck’s not in charge.”
Buck looked offended. “One time.”
Alex wasn’t letting it drift into jokes again. She turned back to Eddie. “You said it mattered that Buck was there. Why?”
Eddie sighed like a man being asked to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions. “Because,” he said reluctantly, “he crawled under a firetruck to get to me.”
The room stilled.
Hen blinked. “He did what?”
Maddie turned slowly toward her brother. “You crawled under the truck?”
Ravi’s mouth fell open. “Like a full sized, several tons of metal truck?”
Eddie nodded once. “There was an active shooter, we couldn’t see him. And Buck crawled under the truck to pull me out of the line of fire.”
Silence dropped hard and heavy. Everyone in that circle knew exactly what that meant. Knew exactly what had happened the last time Buck had been under a firetruck.
Maddie’s voice went dangerously calm. “Evan.”
Buck gave a small, grim smile and nodded. “Hi.”
“You crawled under the truck,” Hen repeated.
Buck shrugged. “He was bleeding.”
“That is not an explanation,” Hen snapped. “You never told us about that.”
Alex leaned forward slightly. “What’s the significance of Buck crawling under the truck?”
Buck shrugged again. “Ah, you know. The last time I was under a firetruck it had just blown up. My leg got stuck underneath it. No big deal.”
The entire room erupted at once.
“No big deal?” Maddie shouted.
“You were crushed!” Hen said.
“You could’ve died!” Chim added.
Buck held up his hands. “Okay, first of all—”
Maddie leaned forward. “You could have died.”
Buck gave her a small shrug. “At least I didn’t lose my leg.”
Maddie’s eyes flashed. “At least you didn’t lose your life!”
Buck opened his mouth.
“You were pinned, you almost lost your leg!” Hen continued.
“That was after the truck exploded with you in it,” Eddie added.
Buck nodded. “Yes, thank you, we’ve established trucks and I have history.”
“You almost died, we’re not just brushing past that.” Eddie said.
“If we wanna talk about almost dying?” Buck shot back, deflecting hard now. “Talk to Chim. He got rebar straight through his brain. It’s a miracle he’s talking and walking, let alone alive.”
All heads turned to Chim.
Chim blinked. “Wow. I love how my traumatic brain injury is your deflecting smoke bomb.”
Ravi slowly raised a hand. “Through… his brain?”
“Yes,” Hen said tiredly. “Through his brain.”
Chim pointed at that familiar spot his scar used to be. “In one side, out the other. Very dramatic.”
Maddie shuddered. “You don’t joke about that.”
“I joke about everything,” Chim replied. “It’s my thing.”
Alex looked at him carefully. “What was that like?”
Chim leaned back. “Blurry. Inconvenient. Got stuck with this scar and routine MRIs for months.” He tapped his head lightly. “Every scan felt like waiting for someone to tell me I wasn’t me anymore.”
That quieted things.
Hen nodded softly. “We didn’t know if you’d wake up, let alone still be you if you did.”
“I didn’t know if I would either,” Chim admitted. “There’s something humbling about hearing the phrase ‘possible cognitive impairment’ while you’re still drooling.”
Ravi winced. “That’s… vivid.”
Chim shrugged.
Alex’s voice cut through the noise, redirecting the conversation. “Buck.”
He looked at her.
“You crawled under a firetruck. While someone was actively shooting at you.” Alex clarified. “That must of been traumatic.”
Buck’s jaw tightened. “Sort of.”
“So, why did you do it?”
He blinked at her like the answer was obvious. “Because Eddie was out there.”
Eddie looked away.
Alex’s gaze shifted back to Buck. “When you crawled under that truck, knowing what happened last time, what were you feeling?”
Buck hesitated. Everyone watched him. “Nothing,” he said automatically.
Eddie scoffed. “That’s not true.”
Buck glanced at him. “It wasn’t about me.”
“That’s also not an answer,” Alex said gently.
Buck exhaled, jaw tight. “I remembered being stuck. I remembered the fear of possibly losing my leg.” His voice thinned slightly. “I remembered everyone being there for me.”
“So when Eddie was out there, dying in the street.” He gestured toward Eddie. “The only way to get him was…” he trailed off. “There wasn’t a choice.”
Maddie’s eyes were shining now. “There’s always a choice.”
Buck shook his head. “Not then.”
That landed heavier than he probably intended.
Hen studied him. “You don’t get to keep sacrificing yourself like you’re disposable.”
“I’m not disposable,” Buck said quickly.
“Then stop acting like it,” Athena said firmly.
Silence.
Eddie finally spoke, quieter now. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
Buck’s eyes snapped to his. “I know.”
“And if you’d gotten shot?” Eddie pressed.
Buck shrugged again, but it wasn’t convincing. “Then I would’ve gotten shot.”
Ravi blinked. “You say that like it’s a parking ticket.”
Chim leaned forward, eyes sharp now despite the humor. “You crawled under that truck because you couldn’t leave him alone?”
Buck didn’t answer.
Eddie did. “Yes,” he said.
Alex nodded slowly. “And what does it mean that he couldn’t leave you alone?”
Eddie swallowed. “That I matter,” he said finally.
Buck looked like the floor had shifted under him.
Hen softened. “You both matter.”
Maddie reached over and grabbed Buck’s hand, squeezing hard “You don’t get to trade your life for someone else’s.”
Buck looked at her, something raw flickering there. “I wasn’t trading.”
“Then what were you doing?” Alex asked.
He hesitated. “Making sure he wasn’t alone.”
The room went very, very quiet. Alex didn’t let the energy settle for long. She turned back to Chim. “We touched on the rebar. But not properly.”
Chim blinked. “I’m sorry, did we not just cover the metal rod through my skull?”
“Not properly,” Alex repeated.
Hen leaned back, folding her arms. “She’s got you there.”
Chim sighed dramatically. “Fine. Rebar. Impaled. Next?”
Alex waited.
Chim’s sarcasm dimmed a notch. “I don’t actually remember it,” he admitted. “I remember fighting with Bobby, then driving fast. Then I remember waking up in the hospital.”
Ravi winced. “That’s traumatic.”
“It was,” Hen agreed quietly.
Chim shrugged. “They showed me the scans. Told me how lucky I was. Miracle, blah blah blah.” He gestured vaguely. “But I don’t remember the pain. Or the fear. Just before and after.”
Alex tilted her head. “And the after?”
Chim was quiet for a beat. “It kind of forced me to be myself,” he said finally. “Stop pretending to be who I thought I should be. I’d spent a long time trying to measure up. After that? Seemed stupid to waste whatever extra time I got.”
The room softened. Buck nodded faintly. Hen watched him carefully.
Maddie frowned slightly. “Wait. Only Buck and Hen were there? Nobody else here was there?”
Hen shook her head. “No.”
Buck nodded once. “Just us, and Bobby.”
Maddie looked between them. “You two were the only ones?”
“Yeah,” Buck said quietly.
A small, heavy pause settled. Chim immediately clapped his hands once. “Okay! Enough brain skewers. Speaking of medical disasters, remember when Buck choked on bread and had to get a trach?”
Buck’s head snapped up. “Why are you like this?”
Eddie leaned forward, delighted. “You choked on bread?”
“No,” Buck muttered.
Maddie stared at him. “You never told me that.”
“Because it was embarrassing!”
Hen was already grinning. “He went down hard. Full airway obstruction. Turned blue.”
Eddie looked openly amused. “You. Taken out by a baguette.”
“It was not a baguette!”
Chim pointed at him. “And then emergency tracheotomy. Very dramatic.”
Buck covered his face with his hands. “I hate all of you. I should’ve never told you all that story.”
Ravi leaned toward Maddie. “I’m learning so much.”
Buck groaned. “I would take a trach over a pulmonary embolism any day.”
That sobered the room slightly.
Alex caught it immediately. “Pulmonary embolism?”
Buck sighed, hands dropping. “After the firetruck explosion, I had metal rods and screws put in my leg. Blood clots.” He gestured vaguely toward his chest. “Clot traveled. Suddenly I’m coughing up blood and everyone’s yelling.”
Maddie’s face went pale. “Evan.”
“I’m fine,” he said automatically.
“You nearly died,” Hen corrected.
“Again,” Ravi added softly.
Buck shrugged. “It was a bad year.”
Alex studied him. “And after that?”
Buck hesitated.
Chim smirked slightly. “Ah. Now we arrive.”
Alex nodded. “The lawsuit?”
Eddie shifted in his chair. Athena went still.
“What prompted you to sue the LAFD?” Alex asked gently.
Buck exhaled slowly. “I made a reckless decision driven by emotion.”
Chim blinked. “Wow. That is the most therapized way you could possibly phrase ‘I lost my mind and hired a shark.’”
Buck shot him a look. “I did not lose my mind.”
“You absolutely did,” Hen said.
Buck sighed. “After the embolism, Bobby didn’t think I was ready to come back.”
“He was worried,” Athena added calmly.
“I was ready,” Buck insisted. “I was cleared. I even set new records at the academy.”
“You almost died,” Eddie said.
“I know!” Buck snapped. Then softer, “I know. But he wouldn’t let me return. He thought I’d rush in, make a mistake, get hurt again.”
Hen arched an eyebrow. “Unreasonable concern.”
Buck glared at her. “I felt alone,” Buck continued. “Like I wasn’t part of the team anymore. Like I was being benched for something I couldn’t control.” He swallowed. “And I panicked.”
“So you sued,” Ravi summarized.
“Yes, Ravi,” Chim said. “That is generally how lawsuits begin.”
Buck rubbed the back of his neck. “Did I go about it wrong? Definitely. But at the time it felt like the only way to fight back.”
Athena nodded slowly. “He was scared, and angry. And not thinking clearly.”
Eddie's expression tightened. “You told your lawyer too much.”
Buck winced.
Alex’s voice was steady. “Too much?”
“You made it sound like we were reckless,” Chim said.
Buck’s head snapped up. “I didn’t intend—”
“You gave him ammunition,” Eddie said quietly.
Buck’s voice dropped. “I didn’t mean to.”
“But you did,” Hen said, not unkindly.
Silence.
Ravi looked between them. “I feel like I joined in a sequel.”
“You did,” Hen said.
Buck stared at the floor. “I didn’t realize how it would affect everyone. I was so focused on getting back in that I didn’t see what it was doing to the team.”
“You hurt us,” Eddie said, not harsh, just honest.
Buck nodded once. “I know, and I’m still really sorry about that.”
Alex looked around the circle. “And what did it feel like? For the rest of you?”
Hen sighed. “Confusing.”
Chim nodded. “Betrayal.”
Athena added, “Complicated.”
Eddie hesitated. “Like he didn’t trust us to fight for him.”
Buck looked up at that. “I did,” he said immediately. “I just didn’t trust that it would be enough.”
The honesty in that landed.
Alex leaned back slightly. “It sounds like a pattern.”
They all looked at her.
“When you’re scared,” she continued, “you act alone. You sue. You crawl under trucks. You make choices that isolate you.”
Buck’s mouth opened. Closed.
Chim pointed lightly. “She’s got you there, buddy.”
Buck exhaled, some of the fight draining out of him. “Yeah. Maybe.”
Hen softened. “You don’t have to keep proving you belong.”
Eddie nodded once. “You already do.”
Maddie squeezed his hand again. “You’re not disposable. And you’re not alone.”
Buck blinked rapidly, clearly fighting something.
“Reckless decision driven by emotion,” Chim repeated thoughtfully. “I’m stealing that.”
Hen rolled her eyes. “Of course you are.”
The room had just barely settled when Buck, still staring at the floor, said flatly “I may have sued the department, but at least I didn’t join an illegal street fighting club.”
He lifted his head and shot Eddie a pointed look. The air changed instantly. Hen’s eyebrows shot up.
Ravi gasped softly. “Oh, we’re escalating.”
Athena straightened in her chair like someone had just said the word felony. “Excuse me?”
Eddie closed his eyes briefly. “It was a lapse in judgment.”
Athena’s voice went sharp. “Define lapse.”
Chim muttered, “Please don’t.”
Eddie ignored him. “I was angry. At Buck. At—” He stopped.
Alex leaned in slightly. “At?”
Eddie’s jaw flexed. “At everything.”
“That’s not specific,” Alex said gently.
Eddie exhaled slowly through his nose. “My wife had just died. My kid was grieving. My best friend wasn’t allowed to talk to me because he filed a lawsuit against our workplace.” He didn’t look at Buck. “And I was… drowning.”
The word hung there. Buck’s expression faltered.
Ravi looked between them. “So you decided to punch people?”
“People who consented,” Eddie said defensively.
Hen stared at him. “You joined an underground fight ring.”
“It wasn’t a ring,” Eddie muttered.
Athena’s eyes narrowed. “Did money exchange hands?”
“Sometimes.”
Athena inhaled sharply.
Alex didn’t let the conversation derail. “What did fighting give you?”
Eddie hesitated. “Control,” he admitted. “Pain I could see. Pain I could win against.”
Buck’s mouth tightened.
Alex nodded slowly. “And what were you trying not to feel?”
Eddie didn’t answer.
“Your wife’s death?” Alex prompted gently. “Buck’s absence? The lawsuit fallout?”
Eddie’s shoulders went rigid. “Yes,” he said finally.
Silence.
Buck swallowed hard. “You could’ve talked to me.”
A humorless huff left Eddie. “You were suing the department.”
“I wasn’t suing you.”
“It felt like you were,” Eddie shot back.
The words landed.
Alex glanced between them. “So instead of telling him you were hurt you let him believe you were just angry.”
Eddie looked away.
“And instead of telling him you were scared you sued.”
Buck flinched.
Hen leaned back, shaking her head. “You two are the most emotionally constipated people I’ve ever met.”
Chim nodded. “And I survived rebar to the brain.”
Ravi raised his hand cautiously. “Is street fighting less dangerous than crawling under a firetruck during active sniper fire, or?”
“Not helping,” Athena said.
Ravi lowered his hand. “Right.”
Alex focused on Eddie again. “What did it feel like? In those fights.”
Eddie’s voice was quieter now. “Simple.”
“How?”
“No grief. No guilt. No wondering if I was failing my kid.” He swallowed. “Just adrenaline.”
“That’s an incredibly unhealthy outlet,” Hen muttered.
Eddie didn’t argue.
Alex tilted her head. “Were you hoping someone would stop you?”
Eddie hesitated. That was answer enough.
Buck looked at him sharply. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Eddie met his eyes this time. “You weren’t there.”
The bluntness of it stole the air from Buck’s lungs. “I was trying to come back,” Buck said quietly.
“And I was trying to hold everything together,” Eddie replied.
Athena folded her arms. “And neither of you asked for help.”
Chim raised a finger. “In fairness, asking for help is not our strongest team skill.”
Hen snorted. “Understatement.”
Alex looked around the circle. “I’m noticing a pattern of isolation. When something unbearable happens, you split off. You make unilateral decisions. You carry it alone.”
“Yeah, well,” Eddie muttered, “that’s how I was trained.”
“In the army?” Alex asked.
Eddie nodded once.
“And is that working for you here?” she pressed.
He didn’t answer.
Alex’s voice softened. “You lost your wife. Your son was grieving. Your support system fractured. Of course you were angry. Of course you were struggling.”
Eddie’s composure wavered just slightly.
“But hurting yourself,” she continued, “isn’t control. It’s avoidance.”
Ravi blinked. “Oh.”
Hen nodded. “Yeah.”
Athena’s voice was firm but not unkind. “You are both reckless when you’re hurting.”
“Occupational hazard,” Eddie muttered.
“Emotional immaturity,” Hen corrected.
Chim looked delighted. “Can that go on a shirt?”
Alex ignored them. “Eddie. If you could go back to that moment, before the fights, what would you do differently?”
Eddie stared at the floor. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I’d like to think I’d tell him I was struggling.”
Buck’s breath caught.
Alex nodded. “And Buck, before the lawsuit?”
Buck didn’t hesitate this time. “I’d tell him I was scared.”
The room went still again.
Hen wiped at her eyes subtly. “Look at that. Growth.”
Ravi leaned toward Chim. “Are we witnessing a breakthrough?”
Chim nodded solemnly. “Document it. This may never happen again.”
Athena shook her head, but there was something softer in her expression now.
Alex let the silence sit, not heavy this time, but honest. Just two men who had almost destroyed themselves in different ways because they didn’t know how to say, ‘I’m not okay.’ And the team who refused to let them keep doing it alone.
Buck leaned back, finally managing a small smirk. “Enough about us,” he said, glancing at Eddie. “Let’s talk about you two.”
Eddie pointed at Hen and Chim. “Yeah. Let’s talk about the time you two were abducted together.”
Alex’s eyebrows shot up. “You two were abducted together?”
Hen nodded. “Yep. Jonah. Paramedic with a hero complex. Administers a drug that stops your heart. Then performs CPR. Life saving measures.” She made air quotes with her fingers. “Sometimes it doesn’t work.”
Alex’s eyes widened, but she nodded along. “And he abducted you both? What was that like for you?”
Hen leaned back, folding her arms. “Honestly? I was just tied to a chair and forced to watch. Chim got all the trauma.”
Alex tilted her head. “I disagree. Watching someone you love in pain is not a painless experience.”
Hen exhaled. “I agree. Emotional trauma is valid. But Chim was killed and brought to life, I wasn’t.”
Alex nodded. “Yes, but watching that is traumatic in itself. You must have felt something when you watched Chimney die and be revived?”
Hen tilted her head, glancing at Chim. “I feel guilty for being the one who watched. I blame myself for getting Chim involved. My investigation into Jonah put both of us at risk.”
Chim waved a hand vaguely. “It’s called investigative curiosity. Totally worth it. Mostly.”
Alex turned her attention to him. “Chim. Getting shocked to life multiple times, that must have been scary?”
Chim shrugged, smirking. “Honestly, the shocks? Not as dramatic as the waiting. The not knowing. That’s the part that sticks with you.” He smiled. “And staying in the hospital always sucks.”
Hen nodded. “Exactly. You don’t just survive physically, you survive emotionally. And sometimes that part is heavier.”
Alex leaned forward. “So, both of you. Trauma isn’t just about what happens to your body. It’s about what happens to your mind and heart when someone you care about is hurt or you feel responsible for them.”
Chim grinned faintly. “And then Buck and Eddie point at you to avoid their own issues.”
Buck raised an eyebrow. “Hey. Can you blame us?”
Eddie shrugged. “We’re team players.”
Alex smirked. “Deflection, yes. Classic.”
Hen muttered, “Classic 118.”
Chim added, “And yet somehow it works every time.”
Ravi shook his head. “You people are impossible.”
Athena rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. “Functional.”
Alex laughed softly. “Functional with a lot of trauma, yes. But also a lot of survival.”
Chim leaned back and tapped his temple. “See? We’re not that bad.”
The circle laughed, the tension loosening slightly, the weight of their shared horrors softening under humor and the unspoken understanding that they’d always have each other even in chaos.
Alex’s gaze shifted to a quieter corner of the circle. “Maddie,” she said gently. “You’ve been quiet.”
Maddie shrugged. “I went to therapy for all my issues. I’m here for moral support.”
Buck’s head shook emphatically. “No way, sis. You gotta get involved. Doug.”
Maddie exhaled, a small tension in her shoulders. “He’s dead.”
Buck’s voice was firm. “After he abducted you and you killed him? That’s trauma.”
Maddie raised an eyebrow. “Never underestimate a woman.”
“Amen,” Athena said from across the circle, a rare softness in her tone.
Alex nodded. “Let’s talk about it. Maddie, what was it like?”
“Scary. But I knew my brother was coming for me,” Maddie said quietly. “I just had to wait. Hold on. Stay alive.”
Alex shifted her attention. “Buck, what was it like for you?”
Buck shrugged. “I wasn’t the one who was abducted.”
Ravi perked up immediately. “A trauma you haven’t had yet, surprised?”
Buck smirked. “I haven’t been shot or stabbed yet either, so—”
Alex held up a hand. “Let’s not tally traumas.” Then she leaned in. “Buck, how did you feel when your sister was abducted?”
He exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “How do you think? Scared. Worried for her. Worried for Chim.”
Alex raised an eyebrow. “Why were you worried for Chim?”
Buck’s voice tightened. “He was stabbed by Doug. I found him bleeding out.”
“What?” Alex asked.
Chim raised a hand, wincing slightly. “Doug, befriended me under a fake name. Used me to learn about Maddie. Lured me in, stabbed me, then went after her.”
Alex’s attention shifted again, her tone gentle but probing. “Can we talk about the stabbing?”
Chim leaned back, exhaling slowly. “Sure. Fun memory.” He gave a tight smile. “Doug stabbed me. Getting stabbed hurts. Getting stabbed by someone who you thought was someone else, hurts worse.”
“How so?” Alex asked.
Chim sighed. “Once he stabbed me, he went after Maddie, at that moment I knew who he was.” He took a deep breath. “I felt responsible for putting her in danger, I had befriended her abusive husband.”
Maddie looked at him with wet eyes. “You never told me that.”
Chim smiled sadly. “It didn’t matter. He went after you, that’s what mattered.”
Alex nodded, but she didn’t push. “Maddie. You were abducted. I want to understand your journey.”
Maddie’s hands curled in her lap. “Doug wanted to run away, to start again, I had no choice but to follow.”
“That can’t have been easy.” Alex sympathised.
Maddie nodded. “I tried to get away. Climbed through a gas station bathroom window. Doug figured me out.”
“What happened?” Alex asked.
“Someone else was there. Another man who tried to help me. Doug killed him. I felt responsible.” She swallowed hard. “After that, I gave up on the idea of escape. I stayed. I survived, I stopped hoping for rescue for a while.”
Buck’s eyes widened. Maddie had never told him that.
Chim’s jaw tightened slightly, his eyes softening as he glanced at her. “You didn’t tell us that,” he said quietly.
“I couldn’t,” Maddie whispered. “It would have broken you.” She looked at Buck. “It would have broken you too.”
Buck exhaled slowly. “I didn’t know. I thought I knew everything that happened.”
“You only knew some of it,” Maddie said. Her voice was steady, but her eyes glimmered. “That doesn’t mean I survived any less.”
Alex leaned in. “And how did that feel? Knowing someone died because of the attempt to escape?”
Maddie looked down, tracing her fingers on her leg. “I hated myself. Every step I took after that felt tainted. I wanted freedom, but I couldn’t justify it anymore. I couldn’t risk anyone else dying because of me.”
Chim reached over and lightly tapped her hand. “You did what you had to do to survive. That’s all any of us can do.”
Buck’s voice was quiet, tight with emotion. “I didn’t know you carried that alone. Not that part.”
“I survived.” Maddie repeated softly.
Alex nodded. “You carried immense guilt. You made a choice under unimaginable circumstances.”
“I did.” Maddie agreed. “Not just then, but when I killed Doug too.”
Alex blinked. “Maddie, how did Doug’s death impact you?”
Maddie’s voice was calm, but her eyes glimmered. “I ended his life. In self defense. That’s trauma in itself.”
Hen nodded slowly. “That’s not something anyone should have to do.”
Alex nodded in agreement. “You saved yourself. That takes tremendous courage.”
Maddie smiled at Buck. “I didn’t do it alone.”
Buck smiled back.
Alex watched the exchange. “Buck, you were the one to find Maddie, right?”
Buck turned to look at her. “Yeah, me and Athena.”
Athena nodded. “It was mostly you, Buckaroo. You fought hard for her.”
“Why did you fight so hard for her?” Alex asked.
Buck leaned back, jaw tight. “She’s my sister. I couldn’t lose her.”
Ravi’s eyebrows furrowed. “So multiple overlapping traumas, but still standing?”
Chim smirked faintly. “Survival is our brand.”
Alex shifted her attention across the circle, scanning for the next quiet voice. “Athena,” she said gently. “Do you have anything you’d like to share?”
Athena leaned back slightly, folding her arms. “Sure. Where do I start? Capsized cruise ship, pirates. Plane I had to land on a highway. My recent space journey.”
Hen tilted her head, smirking. “Yeah. You’re really a jinx when it comes to transport, aren’t you?”
Athena gave a wry smile. “Apparently.”
Alex leaned forward, curious. “Let’s start with the space trip.”
Athena exhaled. “It was supposed to be interesting. Instead? Nightmare. Equipment failures, flying debris, and at one point I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it back to my family.”
Hen added quietly, “There was a moment where Athena nearly risked her life for a hero move that could’ve ended badly.”
Alex’s expression softened. “What was that like for you? Knowing how close you were?”
Athena paused. “Terrifying. Lonely in a way I’ve never felt before. Makes every small choice feel monumental. Every decision could be the last one you make. I thought about family, what I’d never get to say. And yet, somehow, I kept going.”
“Why did you keep going?” Alex asked.
“I had to.” Athena said firmly. “We needed to get home somehow.”
“You didn’t have to volunteer.” Hen added.
Alex narrowed her eyes. “So, you volunteered for the heroics?”
Athena let out a breath. “I suppose you could put it that way.”
“Why?” Alex pressed.
Athena hesitated for a moment. “It was easier if it was me.” She paused. “If I had died, I would at least be with my husband again.”
Everyone took a moment, all eyes landed sadly on Athena. A woman so strong, saying something so vulnerable.
Alex turned to Hen. “Hen, how did you feel watching Athena make that decision.?”
Hen averted her gaze from Athena to Alex. “I was terrified for her. But she can be stubborn. I knew once she had decided, there was no changing her mind.”
Alex turned her focus back. “Let’s talk about the plane landing on a highway?”
Athena gave a brief shrug. “Short version? Helped by a kid who knew more about landing planes than I did. We made it. No one died. Minimal heroics.”
Alex nodded slowly, curiosity piqued. “And the capsized cruise ship?”
Athena’s eyes darkened for a moment. “That was supposed to be a late honeymoon. Romantic. Instead pirates attacked, and the ship capsized. Chaos. People were panicked and injured. Trapped with no real way out. The 118 rescued us.”
Buck’s voice came in immediately. “All credit goes to Hen.”
Hen shrugged. “What’s our motto?”
“Who cares!” Buck, Eddie and Chim all said unison.
The rest of the circle looked at them, confused.
Buck grinned. “Inside joke.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, sure.”
Alex raised an eyebrow, notebook balancing on her lap. “And how does that tie into the emotional weight of these events?”
Hen shrugged again. “We get through it. Together. Or not. But mostly together.”
Athena nodded faintly. “I survived. They survived. That’s enough sometimes.”
Ravi nodded. “Chaos with a side of survival.”
Athena leaned back, smirking. “Honestly, I think the capsized cruise ship was better than the tsunami.”
She gave a pointed look at Buck, who slumped further in his chair. “Why does it all come back to me?” he muttered.
Hen raised an eyebrow. “Because you’re a walking danger magnet.”
“I’m sorry, tsunami?” Alex asked, tilting her head.
Eddie chimed in. “Buck was on the pier with Christopher when it hit.”
Ravi raised a tentative hand. “Is this the lawsuit era or a separate traumatic event?”
Hen and Chim said in unison, “Separate.”
“Busy year,” Ravi muttered.
Alex leaned forward, notebook ready. “Buck, what was it like for you? The tsunami?”
Buck’s gaze went distant. “It was harder for Chris. He was young, confused. I had to keep him safe.”
Eddie shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Chris thought it was awesome. You saved him.”
“No. I lost him,” Buck said firmly. It was a line he’d repeated countless times.
“You saved him. Shielded him from the worst of it,” Eddie pressed gently. “He’s safe because of you. That’s what matters.”
Buck shook his head again. “The only reason Chris was in the tsunami was because I took him to the pier.”
“You can’t control natural disasters, Buck,” Eddie muttered softly.
Hen leaned forward, arms crossed. “And yet you keep trying.”
Chim grinned. “Classic Buck, he saves someone, still blames himself.”
Ravi nodded. “‘Danger magnet’ fits so well.”
Alex kept her gaze steady. “Buck. Let’s slow down. How did it feel to be there, watching Christopher in the water?”
Buck exhaled. “Worse than anything else, because it wasn’t just me at risk. It was Chris.”
Athena chimed in softly, “And you felt responsible.”
“Yes!” Buck snapped, then immediately winced. “I mean yes. I couldn’t lose him.”
Eddie’s voice softened. “But you didn’t. He was scared, but he survived. You saved him, that's how he remembers it.”
Buck shook his head, voice tight. “It doesn’t matter. He was lost, by himself, for hours.”
Hen leaned back. “Yeah, you didn’t give up, that counts.”
Chim nodded. “And you helped a bunch of other people on the way.”
Alex’s voice was calm but insistent. “Buck, you are measuring everything against your own fear. But what about Chris? What did he experience? What did he feel?”
Buck hesitated, silence stretching in the circle.
Alex leaned in slightly. “He felt safe because of you. That’s real. That’s impact. That’s the difference you made.”
Buck’s jaw flexed.
Eddie added softly, “When we found you, you were dehydrated, bleeding, exhausted. But Chris? He was unharmed, safe, scrapes and bruises. That’s the reality, Buck. Not the what ifs.”
Buck’s voice cracked slightly. “I thought I had lost him for good.” Buck looked at Eddie. “I had to tell you he…”
“He was fine.” Eddie reassures.
Alex’s tone softened. “That fear is valid.”
Buck exhaled, finally letting some of the tension drain. “I guess I never thought about it that way.”
Hen leaned back, smirking faintly. “Welcome to perspective.”
Alex turned her attention to Eddie, her expression gentle but probing. “Eddie, how did you feel about the tsunami? Watching it all unfold?”
Eddie ran a hand through his hair, looking down for a moment. “For the entire day I knew Chris was safe with Buck. I thought he was at home. But it turns out he wasn’t.”
Alex leaned in slightly. “When you found out, how did that feel?”
Eddie’s voice tightened. “When Buck showed up with Chris’s glasses around his neck and my son was nowhere in sight, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like the air was gone.”
Buck’s shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry.”
Eddie shook his head. “Don’t be. Thankfully, moments later, Christopher was right there. And I could breathe again. Looking between Buck and my son, I realized they were safe. And that was everything.”
Buck exhaled, running a hand over his face, the tightness in his chest loosening slightly. “I can’t believe I lost him.”
Eddie gave him a small, steady look. “You didn’t. He was safe. That’s what matters. You did your job, Buck. And you did it well.”
Alex turned her attention to Eddie, eyes steady. “Eddie, did you ever blame Buck for what happened during the tsunami?”
Buck’s blue eyes locked on Eddie, wide and waiting, almost like a kid holding his breath.
Eddie’s response was instant. “No.”
Alex raised an eyebrow. “That was fast.”
Eddie let out a breath, huffing softly. “There’s no one I trust with my son more than Buck. He’s always protected Chris, done what’s best for him, even when I haven’t.”
Buck’s throat tightened. “Eddie,” he choked out.
Alex leaned forward. “What do you mean by that?”
Eddie blinked, tearing his eyes from Buck’s. “What?”
“You said, even when you haven’t. When haven’t you done what’s best for your son?” Alex pressed gently.
Eddie exhaled, shoulders sagging. “There was Kim.”
Buck blinked, processing. “It was really uncanny how similar they looked.”
“Right,” Eddie agreed quietly.
Alex tilted her head. “Who is Kim?”
Eddie’s voice softened. “She was a… nice woman. She just happened to look a lot like Shannon.”
“Who is Shannon?” Alex asked.
“His dead wife.” Chim muttered under his breath, earning a sharp shove from Maddie.
Alex’s gaze sharpened. “And why was she significant? How did this keep you from doing the best for your son?”
Eddie swallowed hard. “Chris, he saw me with her. He thought she was his mom. And I didn’t handle it right. I froze. He ran off to Texas with my parents.”
Alex’s eyes widened. “Oh.”
Eddie nodded, voice quiet. “Yeah. Then I went to Texas. Got him back. Fixed things as best I could.”
Buck reached over, lightly resting a hand on Eddie’s arm. “You did right by him. That’s what counts. You got him back. That’s what matters.”
Hen nodded slowly. “And trauma isn’t about perfection, it’s about survival, and learning along the way.”
Alex leaned back, letting the silence settle. “Sometimes doing the best you can in impossible situations is enough. You can’t go back, but you can move forward.”
Eddie exhaled, finally letting the weight of the memory soften.“Yeah moving forward. That’s what I had to do.”
Alex leaned back, letting the group catch their breaths after the heavy tsunami discussion. “How did Eddie leaving affect all of you?”
Ravi was the first to speak. “It sucked.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow. “How did it suck for you? We weren’t even close.”
Ravi shrugged. “You didn’t have to listen to Buck talk on and on about you.” That earned snorts from the circle.
“What?” Eddie asked, amused.
“Back off, I didn’t go on and on,” Buck defended immediately.
“Yes, you did,” Ravi shot back.
“No, I didn’t!” Buck insisted.
“I had to drag Tommy over just to get away,” Ravi added.
“Wait, what?” Eddie asked, confused.
“Who’s Tommy?” Alex leaned over to Chim.
“Buck’s ex. No one likes him,” Chim said bluntly.
“Yeah, a lot of good that did, Probie,” Buck muttered.
“I’m not a Probie anymore, and I didn’t tell you to sleep with him,” Ravi shot back.
“You slept with him?” Eddie’s voice rose slightly.
“Woah, back off, Mr. Judgment. You were literally telling the room about kissing your dead wife’s doppelgänger, you don’t get to judge my stupid decision,” Buck challenged.
“Yours is clearly worse than mine. You slept with Tommy?” Eddie asked incredulously.
“We just established that, didn’t we?” Buck threw his hands up.
“In my house?” Eddie asked.
“Whoops?” Buck held up his hands in surrender.
“I have to burn my house down,” Eddie muttered.
“Little dramatic,” Buck said.
“Eww,” Eddie muttered.
“You’re sounding real homophobic right now,” Hen interjected.
“Not homophobic, I just hate Tommy,” Eddie clarified.
“Fair,” Ravi said.
“Agreed,” Maddie nodded.
“Wait, you all hated him?” Buck asked, incredulous.
“Somewhat,” Chim admitted.
“Why did you let me date him then?”
“Entertainment,” Chim shrugged.
“Discovery,” Hen added.
“Not our responsibility,” Athena said flatly.
Buck slumped into his chair, throwing his hands up. “You guys suck. Someone else talk.”
Ravi grinned. “Finally.”
Hen smirked. “About time the chaos moves off Buck.”
Athena leaned back, folding her arms. “Your turn to just sit there quietly.”
Buck groaned. “Why does my life feel like a reality show?”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “Because you make it one, Buck.”
Hen leaned forward, arms crossed, eyes scanning the circle. “Okay, anyone here got a trauma that doesn’t somehow lead back to Buck?”
Athena’s voice was quiet but firm. “My son was abducted.”
The group’s attention shifted immediately. Alex leaned in, gently prompting. “How did that feel?”
Athena’s jaw tightened. “I felt responsible. The man who abducted him, he did it because of me. Because of my investigation. Because of my choices.”
Alex nodded slowly. “That’s heavy. But it’s not your fault. You were doing your job as a police officer. You were protecting the public, and by extension, protecting your family.”
Athena’s shoulders slumped slightly. “I know. I know logically. I’m a member of the LAPD, a sergeant, it’s my job to serve and protect, but I’m a mother first, it didn’t feel like that. My son was in danger because I couldn’t let go, because I couldn’t step back. I failed him, in my mind.”
Alex scribbled a few notes, then looked back. “It’s natural to feel responsible, especially when the danger is tied to your work. But responsibility isn’t always blame. Your choices weren’t what put him in danger, the criminal did. Your job is inherently dangerous, Athena. That’s part of what you signed up for.”
Athena exhaled. “I know my job is dangerous. I’ve been attacked once.”
Hen’s eyes narrowed. “Only once?”
Athena gave her a small, dry smile. “Only one that landed me in the hospital.”
Alex leaned forward. “Tell me about it. How did that experience affect you?”
Athena paused, hands fidgeting slightly. “I felt vulnerable. Powerless. Coming back to work after that was harder than I liked to admit. I kept second guessing myself, my decisions. Everything felt heavier.”
Hen nodded, softening slightly. “I can imagine. That’s rough. Coming face to face with danger like that.”
Chim added wryly, “And yet, somehow you’re still standing. Not that I’m jealous or anything.”
Athena shot him a look. “Don’t tempt me.”
Alex smiled faintly, redirecting. “Athena, your feelings are valid. That vulnerability, that fear, it’s part of the trauma. It’s not shameful. It’s human.”
Alex turned her focus toward Eddie. “Eddie, as a veteran, I can only assume you’ve had your own experiences with PTSD?”
Eddie hesitated, gaze fixed on his hands. “Not that bad,” he said finally.
Buck immediately shook his head. “That’s a lie. You smashed up your bedroom.”
Eddie exhaled slowly. “That was a moment of weakness.”
Hen raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t call that a ‘moment of weakness.’ That sounds intense.”
Alex nodded, gently. “Tell me about it. What happened?”
Eddie’s voice was low, tight. “Everyone I saved… they died. Every single one. I didn’t know what to do with that. I couldn’t talk about it. So I took a baseball bat to the walls. Scared the hell out of my son who called Buck.”
Buck leaned back, tone softer now. “Chris was fine. Just a little shaken up. We both were.”
Alex added quietly, “That’s classic PTSD. The survivor guilt. Feeling like you should have done more, could have done more, even when it’s impossible.”
Chim crossed his arms. “Yeah. Been there in my own way. But trust me smashing the furniture doesn’t help. Therapy helps.”
Ravi frowned. “Why do they have rage rooms then?”
Hen raised a brow, and he shrunk back into his chair.
Alex let the silence settle before continuing. “Eddie, that reaction it’s not shameful. You were processing trauma the only way you knew how. But it’s important to unpack it, to understand it and to see that it doesn’t define you.”
Eddie’s jaw flexed. “I thought I was doing my best. I didn’t know how else to get it out.”
Hen leaned forward gently. “And now you’re trying. That counts. That’s why we’re here.”
Buck’s tone softened even more. “You’re not alone in that. We’ve all been there in our own ways. Some of us just make a bigger mess.”
Chim grinned. “Or a mess with sarcasm and witty comments.”
Eddie allowed a small, almost imperceptible smile. “Yeah I guess.”
Hen leaned forward again, tapping her fingers on the arm of her chair. “Any more trauma that doesn’t somehow lead back to Buck?”
Maddie shifted in her seat, voice quiet but steady. “My abduction. The second one.”
The group leaned in. Alex tilted her head. “How was it different from the first?”
Maddie exhaled, tracing a finger along the arm of her chair. “For one, I didn’t know the person as well. I knew her, but not as well as I knew Doug. And, I was pregnant. I had another kid at home. I knew I had to get back for them.”
Chim leaned forward, voice low. “I can’t even imagine what that felt like for you.”
Buck nodded, hands clasped tightly. “Yeah. I mean, after the PPD you had when you had Jee, we worried. We worried you’d left again. To find out you were actually abducted? That was…”
Maddie looked at both of them, a faint smile forming. “You guys were terrified.”
Chim exhaled, looking down at his hands. “Conflicted. I didn’t know if I should stay with Jee, take care of her, or go look for you. I felt like if I left, something would happen. If I stayed I wasn’t doing enough. I hated that I couldn’t be in two places at once.”
Buck’s voice was quieter now, rawer. “I felt useless.”
Alex nodded gently. “That fear, it makes sense. You both were trying to protect someone you love, and feeling powerless is part of that trauma.”
Maddie reached over, lightly squeezing Chim’s hand. “The scaring healed up well,” she said lightly, trying to ease the tension.
Hen raised an eyebrow. “You literally had your throat cut, and that’s what you take from that?”
Maddie’s lips curved into a teasing smile. “Well, Howie saved my life.” She made love eyes at Chim.
Buck groaned loudly. “Eww. Move on!” he said, shaking his head with a grin.
Chim’s lips twitched, trying to hide a smile. “You’re lucky I’m a little traumatized or else I’d be rolling my eyes so hard it’d hurt.”
Maddie shrugged, still smiling. “Hey, focus on the important part. I lived. And I had people who risked everything to get me back. That’s what matters.”
Alex nodded, scribbling a note. “It’s not about minimizing what happened, it’s about acknowledging the fear, the danger, and the relief afterward. And also, the guilt that comes with making others worry, which is natural.”
Maddie laughed softly. “Better alive than dramatic about it. That’s my motto.”
The circle fell into a brief silence, everyone letting that land.
Alex leaned forward, her pen hovering over the notebook. “Buck mentioned the PPD. Maddie, can you tell us what it was like, emotionally, during your postpartum depression?”
Maddie swallowed, her fingers twisting the hem of her sleeve. “It was dark. I didn’t feel safe with myself. Worse, I didn’t think I could keep Jee safe.”
Alex nodded slowly. “Can you describe that feeling? Was it fear, guilt, something else?”
“Both,” Maddie said quietly. “Fear that I wasn’t capable. Guilt for not being good enough for her.”
Chim’s jaw tightened. “I can’t imagine feeling like that.”
Alex leaned in slightly. “Maddie, did that fear ever make you feel like you wanted to escape? Or to end it?”
Maddie’s voice faltered. “I walked into the ocean. Fully intending not to walk back out. I wanted to disappear because I thought I was a danger to her. I thought they were both better off without me.”
The room went quiet for a moment.
Alex’s tone softened. “When you were in that state what was going through your mind about your family?”
“I kept thinking about them. About Chim and Jee, about Buck, even though I wanted to disappear, part of me knew I couldn’t just leave. I knew my choices affected more than just me.”
Alex nodded. “That’s a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. Did you feel like anyone understood what you were going through at the time?”
Maddie shook her head slowly. “No. Not really. I didn’t even understand it myself. It was isolating. I felt trapped in my own mind.”
Alex scribbled a few notes, then looked back up. “So you left to take care of yourself?”
Maddie smiled sadly. “I like to think I left to get help, but in reality I think I left to escape. It’s what I’ve always done.”
Alex turned her attention to Chimney. “How did Maddie leaving affect you?”
Chim’s voice was low, tight. “I was terrified. Travelling around, trying to find her with a newborn. Documenting all the firsts alone. Every milestone. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again.”
Alex nodded. “How did you cope with that fear?”
Chim exhaled. “I didn’t. I just moved forward. I knew she was a great mom, she just needed to believe it herself.”
Alex turned back to Maddie. “Did you know Chim was out there, searching?”
Maddie nodded faintly. “I did. And it scared me and comforted me. I didn’t want him to see me like that, but part of me knew I needed him to be there.”
Alex paused, looking around the circle, then focused on Buck. “Buck, Maddie is your sister. How did you handle it?”
Buck leaned forward, voice low. “I felt like she was leaving again, like when we were kids. It hurt but I knew she needed to. I felt guilty for not telling Chim everything, but I had to do right by Maddie, even if Chim punched me in the face.”
Maddie raised an eyebrow at Chim. “Wait, punched him in the face?”
Chim’s face reddened. “I was worried. ‘I made a reckless decision driven by emotion.’ I just wanted her back safe.”
Hen frowned. “Did you use the same thing Buck said about the lawsuit?”
“I said I was going to steal it.” Chim defended.
Athena’s glare was instantaneous. “Chimney.”
Chim held up his hands. “I’m sorry! I was worried!”
Buck sighed. “It’s fine. I forgive him.”
Maddie let out a small laugh, shaking her head.
Alex nodded thoughtfully. “Buck, that must have been a conflict, wanting to protect Maddie, but also not keeping things from Chim, right?”
Buck exhaled. “Exactly. I wanted to do right by her. To make sure she got the support she needed.”
Alex turned back to Maddie. “And after everything, how did it feel to come back from that state? To survive?”
Maddie’s lips curved faintly. “I have a beautiful family, two kids and a husband who I love. I couldn’t be happier.” she said lightly, trying to ease the tension.
Alex leaned back slightly, nodding. “So the PPD, the fear, the ocean, it wasn't just about you. It was about family, about support, about trust. And you all navigated it together.”
Maddie reached over, squeezing Chim’s shoulder lightly. “You didn’t lose me. Not that day, not ever.”
Buck added softly, “And you had us even if you didn’t know it.”
Alex leaned forward slightly. “Hen, we haven’t heard much from you. Anything you’d like to share?“
Hen shifted in her chair, glancing around the circle as she spoke. “Since my diagnosis I’ve been supported, thankfully. My family has been incredible. I mean that. They’ve carried me through a lot, and I don’t think I’d be here otherwise.”
Alex nodded slowly. “That sounds like a strong support system. Since being diagnosed, what challenges have you’ve faced?”
Hen’s eyes flicked briefly to the group. “I worry I’ve lost, or will lose my career. Something I fought so hard for. I’ve spent years having to prove myself in this line of work due to my gender, my race, my sexuality, and I worry I’ve fought only to lose it all anyway.”
Chim leaned back, arms crossed, smirking slightly. “So basically, the universe decided to pile on like, a deluxe combo of ‘fun’?”
Hen gave a small, almost imperceptible smile. “Pretty much.”
Alex’s pen hovered. “Has this worry happened before?”
Hen exhaled, her voice quieter now. “Almost. Once before, I almost lost it. And I don’t ever want to go through that again.”
Ravi tilted his head, frowning. “Almost lost your career?”
Hen shook her head. “Yeah. It was really, really awful.”
Alex leaned forward. “Can you tell me about that experience? What happened?”
Hen swallowed, her hands tightening in her lap. “I hit another car while driving the ambulance. There was a young woman inside and she didn’t make it. And I felt responsible. Everyone said it wasn’t my fault. That it was an accident. Legally, it wasn’t my fault. But she still died. And that weight, it doesn’t just go away.”
Eddie’s jaw tightened. “I get that. I’ve carried things like that too. Even when it wasn’t my fault, it feels like it is.”
Buck frowned. “That’s heavy.”
Hen exhaled. “They kept telling me it wasn’t my fault. That accidents happen. But it didn’t matter. I couldn’t shake the guilt. It may have been an accident but that girl still died. And I still felt responsible.“
Maddie leaned forward, voice soft. “That’s an impossible weight. I can’t imagine. Feeling like you failed when you literally couldn’t have prevented it.”
Chim muttered under his breath, a hint of sarcasm cutting through the tension. “Yeah, because none of us do that.”
Buck snorted.
Alex nodded, letting the mix of empathy and humor settle. “Hen, that kind of survivor’s guilt can stay with you far longer than anyone expects. And it’s not about blame, it's about feeling the weight of life and death decisions, even when you did everything you could.”
Hen nodded slowly, her shoulders slumping slightly. “Exactly. That’s it. That’s what it feels like. And it’s exhausting.”
Ravi raised a hand, leaning back. “So basically, life decided to take the hardest route and make it extra spicy. Got it.”
Hen chuckled softly. “Extra spicy is one way to put it.”
Eddie gave a small, supportive nod. “But you’re still here. You’re still doing this. That counts for something.”
Buck grinned. “Yeah, you survived the worst case scenario and didn’t quit. That’s badass.”
Chim added, smirking, “Also, you’ve got this weird little army of dysfunctional humans who care about you. That’s gotta count for something too.”
Hen allowed herself a small smile, looking around at the group. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
Alex closed her notebook halfway and looked around the circle, satisfied. “I think we may have finally covered everything.” She paused. “But just in case, does anyone have anything else they’d like to share?”
The room went still. Every single head slowly turned toward Buck.
Buck blinked. “What?”
Silence.
“Well,” he said loudly, sitting up straighter, “I died. Technically.”
Chim perked up immediately. “Oh good, we are counting that.”
Alex stared at him, then at Buck. “You died?”
“Three minutes,” Buck said proudly.
Hen squinted at him. “Why are you proud of that?”
“It’s a club.”
“That is not a club,” Alex said weakly.
“It’s the NDE club,” Buck shot back.
Eddie frowned. “The NDE club?”
“The Near Death Experience club,” Buck clarified.
“But you actually died,” Ravi pointed out.
Buck shrugged. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
Alex blinked. “What happened?”
“I was struck by lightning,” Buck said with a bright smile.
Maddie’s eyes widened. “That is not something to be proud of.”
Buck waved a hand. “I had super cool scars for a while.”
“Buck,” Maddie said, exasperated.
“What? I did! And I was super good at math for a while too.”
Eddie nodded. “Taxes were very easy that year.”
Ravi looked between them. “He did your taxes?”
“We always do them together,” Eddie said casually.
Chim groaned loudly. “Oh my God.”
Hen rubbed her temples. “Why is that the most upsetting part of this story?”
Alex pinched the bridge of her nose. “Let’s circle back to the lightning.”
Buck sat back, folding his arms behind his head like he was telling a campfire story. “Big storm. Ladder. Bad luck. Zap. Heart stopped. Coma.”
“You make it sound like you stubbed your toe,” Athena muttered.
Alex leaned forward. “You were in a coma?”
Buck’s expression shifted slightly. “Yeah, I had a freaky life there and everything.”
“You had a coma dream?” Alex asked in disbelief.
His jaw tightened just a bit. “It wasn’t just a dream. It felt real.”
The room quieted.
Alex’s voice softened. “Tell me about it.”
Buck exhaled. “Everything was what I always wanted. My parents were amazing. Supportive. Proud. My life was almost perfect.”
“Almost?” Alex asked gently.
Buck hesitated. “I wasn’t a firefighter.”
The team stilled.
“Maddie was still with Doug,” Buck continued quietly. “Eddie wasn’t there and…” His voice faltered. “Bobby was dead.”
The air shifted. No one cracked a joke this time.
Alex watched him carefully. “That must’ve been difficult?”
Buck nodded. “Yeah, but it’s also what made me fight so hard to come back.”
“How so?” Alex asked.
“I didn’t want to stay somewhere Bobby was dead. I didn’t care how perfect everything else was.” Buck said sadly.
“Oh, Buck,” Maddie said softly.
“It’s fine,” he said quickly. “Bobby may not be here anymore, but I’m still happier here.”
His eyes drifted, without him realising, toward Eddie. Eddie didn’t look away.
Alex caught that, but didn’t comment. “You said everything was what you wanted. But you listed more negative things than positive. Was it really everything you wanted?”
Buck swallowed. “I don’t know.”
The room went even quieter.
“Daniel was alive,” Buck said. “We were a normal family. It was compelling.”
Hen’s voice was soft now. “That’s cruel.”
Buck nodded faintly. “Yeah.”
Alex leaned in. “So why leave? If it gave you everything you thought you wanted?”
Buck didn’t hesitate this time. “Because it wasn’t real. And because the people I love weren’t there. Not really.”
Eddie’s throat worked.
Chim cleared his throat. “For the record, while you were up there debating life choices, we were down here losing our minds.”
Alex turned to the group. “How did you all feel during Buck’s coma?”
Ravi shrugged first. “I wasn’t there but statistically I would’ve bet money he’d wake up. He’s annoyingly resilient.”
“Not comforting,” Hen muttered.
Chim exhaled. “I felt guilty, I was going up that ladder before Buck decided to. I kept thinking, he’s not done yet. He can’t be.”
Hen nodded. “It felt unfinished. Like the universe hit pause in the middle of a sentence.”
Eddie’s voice was quiet. “I was scared.”
Buck blinked at him.
Eddie didn’t look away. “Chris kept asking when you’d wake up. I didn’t have an answer.”
Buck’s posture shifted, less cocky now.
Athena crossed her arms, her voice steady but thick. “You don’t get to scare us like that again.”
Buck gave her a sheepish look. “I’ll try to avoid lightning in the future.”
“Please do,” Eddie said dryly.
All eyes turned to Maddie last. She’d been quiet. Too quiet.
“Maddie?” Alex prompted gently.
Maddie’s hands were clasped tightly together. “I thought…” Her voice wavered. She steadied it. “I thought I was going to lose another brother.”
The words landed heavy. Buck’s face fell.
“I already lost Daniel,” she continued. “I couldn’t, I can’t, do that again.”
Buck leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “You didn’t.”
“But I almost did,” she said softly.
The room sat in that truth. Alex let the silence breathe before speaking. “Buck, your coma wasn’t just your trauma. It rippled through everyone here. And the fact that you chose to come back to this imperfect, messy, painful reality that says something profound.”
Buck’s usual grin didn’t return. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Guess I like you guys too much.”
Chim sniffed dramatically. “Disgusting.”
Hen rolled her eyes. “Emotionally constipated, the lot of you.”
Alex didn’t move on. She let the silence settle, then turned gently toward Maddie. “You mentioned Daniel. Your brother?”
Maddie’s shoulders stiffened automatically, like she’d been bracing for that question her entire life. “He was bright,” she said after a moment. “Funny and bossy.” Her mouth twitched faintly. “He had leukaemia.”
The word seemed to pull the air from the room.
“How old were you?” Alex asked softly.
“Eight when he got sick.” Maddie folded her hands tighter in her lap. “It was just before Buck was born.”
“What was it like, having a sibling with leukaemia?” Alex asked.
“Scary,” Maddie admitted. “All the tests and hospitals. The bone marrow transplant, that was…”
Alex nodded. “They found a donor?”
Maddie swallowed. “They...” her gaze flickered to Buck. “Yeah.”
Understanding flickered across a few faces.
“They did the transplant. It worked,” Maddie continued. “He went into remission. For a while we thought…” She shook her head. “We thought that was it. That we’d beaten it.”
“But,” Alex prompted gently.
“But it came back.” Maddie’s voice didn’t crack this time. It just thinned. “And there wasn’t anything else they could do.”
Hen’s jaw tightened. Ravi stared at the floor. Chim took a hold of her wrist, reassuring her.
Alex kept her tone steady. “How did you handle that? Watching him get sick again?”
Maddie let out a small, humorless breath. “I didn’t.” She blinked rapidly, but the tears didn’t fall. “My parents were consumed in their grief,” she said carefully. “Which I understand. I do. They were losing their child. But I was losing my brother.”
Her fingers twisted together. “No one explained things to me. No one asked how I was. I was just… there.”
“Alone,” Alex said quietly.
Maddie nodded once. “Alone.”
The room felt smaller.
Alex nodded slowly, then turned to Buck. “Buck,” she said gently, “how did you cope with your brother’s death?”
Buck frowned faintly. “I didn’t.” A beat. “I didn’t know about Daniel until a few years ago.”
The room shifted. Alex glanced back at Maddie.
Maddie’s lips parted, but she hesitated. “Evan was…” she said finally. “He was a baby. And then he was a toddler. And then he was five. And then…” She swallowed. “And my parents made me promise not to tell him.”
Buck’s head lifted slightly.
“I was a kid too.” Maddie continued. “I thought keeping the secret was protecting him.”
“I don’t blame you,” Buck said honestly.
“What happened after Daniel died, how did Buck never know about him?” Alex asked.
Maddie’s face went distant. “We packed up the house. Or our parents did. They got rid of his clothes, his toys, his drawings off the fridge.” Her jaw clenched. “We moved. Like if we erased the space, it would erase what happened.”
Buck was very still now.
Alex’s voice stayed calm, curious rather than accusatory. “Was Daniel talked about after that?”
Maddie shook her head. “No. It was like he never existed.”
“And Buck?” Alex asked. “What was he told?”
Maddie winced. “Nothing.”
“How did the truth come to light?” Alex asked.
Maddie let out a heavy breath. “I had a picture in my baby box. Of Daniel. It was dated.” Her voice softened. “He did the math.”
Buck huffed quietly. “Turns out when you’re born after your sibling’s diagnosis, and you’re a perfect donor match…” He shrugged one shoulder. “You start connecting dots.”
Alex didn’t look away from him. “So Maddie told you.”
Maddie’s eyes shone now. “Eventually. I broke my promise.”
Buck shook his head slightly. “You told me the truth.”
“Besides, they had no right to make you promise that. You were a kid.” Chim added.
Alex folded her hands together. “Buck. How did it feel to learn all this?”
He stared at the floor for a long moment. “Like I wasn’t supposed to be here,” he said finally. No one interrupted. “I was designed to save Daniel,” he continued, voice steady but hollow. “Not wanted as another kid. Just spare parts.”
Maddie flinched.
“Defective spare parts,” Buck added, quieter.
Eddie’s head snapped toward him. “Don’t.”
Buck didn’t look up. “He still died.”
Hen’s voice was firm but gentle. “That wasn’t on you.”
“It kind of was the whole point of me,” Buck said.
Alex leaned forward slightly. “Buck. When you say you were ‘designed,’ what does that mean to you?”
“It means,” he said slowly, “that if Daniel hadn’t been sick, I wouldn’t exist.” He finally lifted his eyes. “That I was born with a job. And I failed.”
Maddie shook her head immediately. “No. No, you were a baby.”
Buck’s jaw tightened. “Yeah. A baby who didn’t work.”
The words landed like glass.
Alex’s voice remained calm, grounded. “You were conceived to try to save a life. That is true. But that is not the same as being born without inherent worth.”
Buck let out a faint, disbelieving breath.
“When did you first start feeling like you had to earn your place?” Alex asked.
Buck blinked. The question hit. “I don’t know,” he said. But his voice suggested maybe he did.
Maddie’s tears spilled over now. “I should’ve told you sooner.”
Buck looked at her immediately. “No.”
“Yes,” she insisted softly. “You grew up thinking Mom and Dad didn’t love you. And I let that happen.”
Buck’s expression shifted, something protective and pained all at once. “You were a kid yourself, Maddie.”
Alex let the exchange settle before speaking again. “Secrets shape identity,” she said gently. “Especially family secrets. Buck, you were denied the context of your own existence.”
He swallowed. “I keep thinking,” he admitted, “if I had actually saved him, then maybe it would make sense. Maybe I’d know why I’m here.”
Eddie’s voice cut in, low and steady. “You’re here because you’re you.”
Buck glanced at him.
“Not because of Daniel,” Eddie continued. “Not because of a transplant. You’re here because you’re Buck.”
The room was very quiet.
Alex nodded slowly. “Buck, when you chose to come back from your coma dream did you think about Daniel?”
Buck hesitated. “Yeah,” he said. “He was alive there.”
Maddie inhaled sharply.
“We were a normal family,” Buck continued. “He got to grow up. I got to be the little brother. It was…” He exhaled. “Enticing.”
“And yet,” Alex prompted softly.
“And yet it still felt wrong,” Buck said. “Because even in a world where he lived, I still felt like I was there for him. Not me. Because even if he had lived, he was still the son they wanted, and I’m only the one they needed to keep him alive.”
That landed.
Alex’s gaze was steady. “What if your existence doesn’t require justification?”
Buck let out a faint, broken laugh. “That’d be nice.”
Hen leaned forward slightly. “You don’t owe the universe a life.”
Chim nodded. “Or us.”
Maddie reached for Buck’s hand. This time he let her take it. “You were wanted,” she said fiercely. “Maybe not in the way it should’ve been. Maybe not cleanly. But I wanted you. From the second I met you, I wanted you.”
Buck’s composure wavered. “I know.”
Alex closed her notebook slowly, like she was sealing something in. Then she frowned. Her eyes drifted around the circle. Athena had shared. Hen had shared. Chim. Maddie. Eddie. Buck.
Her gaze landed on Ravi. “Ravi.”
Ravi froze mid slouch. “No.”
The entire group turned toward him in unison.
He blinked at the wall of expecting faces staring at him. “You guys need professional help,” he said flatly.
“We have professional help,” Buck pointed out, gesturing to Alex.
Ravi stood up. “No, I mean like a team. A facility.”
Hen crossed her arms. “Sit down.”
“I have shared,” Ravi defended. “I once had to listen to Buck talk about Eddie for three straight shifts. That’s trauma.”
“That was processing,” Buck shot back.
“That was excessive,” Ravi countered.
Athena raised a brow. “You’re deflecting.”
Ravi pointed at her. “You all trauma bonded for two hours. I’m allowed to opt out.”
Chim cleared his throat softly. “Okay. That’s enough feelings for one folding chair.”
Buck nodded emphatically. “We need snacks. Or a waiver.”
“I’d sign a waiver,” Ravi muttered. “Specifically one that says I am not responsible for Buck’s emotional processing.”
“Too late,” Eddie said dryly.
Ravi looked personally offended.
Athena exhaled, shaking her head slightly, but there was warmth in her eyes now. “You’re all a mess.”
Hen smirked faintly. “Yeah. But we’re a consistent mess.”
“Consistency builds trust,” Chim added solemnly.
“Please stop,” Ravi said.
Alex looked around the circle, at the scars, the deflections, the way they kept dragging each other back from emotional cliffs whether they liked it or not.
“What I’m seeing,” she said quietly, “is a group of people who survive unimaginable things. Not because you’re fearless. But because you refuse to let each other face them alone.”
There was a beat.
Chim pointed at her. “See? That. That’s the inspirational monologue we were missing.”
Buck raised his hand. “Does this mean we pass therapy?”
Alex smiled. “For today.”
Ravi slowly sat back down. “So we’re no longer hostages?”
“For today,” Alex repeated.
Buck leaned back in his chair, exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with lightning or comas or taxes.
Eddie bumped his knee lightly against Buck’s. Casual. Grounding.
Buck glanced at him. Not alone. Never alone.