Chapter Text
Your name is KANKRI VANTAS and you are not sure how you feel about anything at all anymore.
It started when your dancestor, Karkat Vantas, asked you out on what you think was a pale date. It started as all pale dates started, with regularly walking around and making small talk. The two of you didn't hold hands like in the movies; you had only just met a couple of days ago, after all; and only people with lesser common sense pursued a relationship that quickly. After all, look what happened in troll Romeo and Juliet.
You didn't talk about much at first; the two of you had only decided to walk together to- ahem- "get away from all the bullshit" as your shorter, grumpy companion put it. In the end, that was how the two of you ended up 'bonding'. You talked about the similarities and differences of Beforus and Alternia, and about your group of friends that you entered the medium with. Despite what you had thought at first, Karkat was actually able to hold an intellectual conversation. Just with slightly more obscenities than you would have cared for.
As it turns out, Alternia was actually a very dark and depressing place from what you put together. Meenah had in fact, lived up to the queen she wanted to be. You can see why she obsesses over the Condesce so much (not that you yourself would ever want to; judging by the way she revered the caste system, you would take Beforus any day). Yet you felt sort of wounded. The trials you had gone through on your own planet seemed like nothing compared to what Karkat had gone through.
Then you talked about your ancestors. Karkat was very intrigued by your stories of your glorious ancestor, whom you had looked up to for many sweeps. He then told you about your own scratch counterpart; the Signless, who later became known as the Sufferer. There was not much you did not already know about him, though.
You began to feel a bit better after that.
It was then that the two of you realized that during your engaging conversation, you had gotten lost. It was almost funny, watching Karkat kick the wall of some old hive and shout curse words at nothing. (After he was done laughing, he then scolded Karkat for using such language. Although some of those words were quite creative). So you two decided to try opening one of the doors to see what was inside.
You spent a long while exploring the abandoned hives and got quite a fair amount of items (ranging everywhere from boondollars to a blood stained thong, which both of you ignored). It was then that Karkat pointed out that the sun had gone down and that it would be best for you if you began to head home, wherever that was. By the time both of you collapsed on the floor of your hive, it was probably well past midnight, or whatever qualifies as midnight in a dream bubble.
Then Karkat had to go back to the meteor, or wherever he had to go. The goodbye was kind of awkward, the two of you standing in front of your door, avoiding eye contact. (You immediately remember the countless romance movies you had seen, and how cliche this goodbye was.) "So..." You had begun, but Karkat cut you off.
"Usually a scene like this in a romance movie ends with a kiss but you know and I know that there is no way in hell that we are doing that right now." He rambles frantically, face sort of a red color. "But you know, I did sort of have a lot of fun today. I guess. So, thanks for that. A lot of people told me that you were the most obnoxious person they had ever met- although I don't think so, have you even MET Vriska?- but I don't think you're as bad as they say."
You decide to take that as a compliment; it seemed like it was supposed to be. Karkat continues. "Yeah, you're actually a pretty cool person when you're not being all uptight. So, try to stay a little more relaxed, got it?"
"Yes, I believe I do need to unwind myself a little more." You find yourself agreeing. It was then when Karkat stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you awkwardly. Was this supposed to be a hug? If so, it felt nice. Karkat felt warm against you, and you found yourself thinking 'I could get used to this'. Then Karkat pulled away (you felt a slight pang as the warmth left you), face completely red, and he turned around and ran away.
You walked back into your hive quietly, contemplating (and forgive the expletive) what the hell had just happened. Your dancestor had just hugged you- which is a very pale action, mind you- and you hand enjoyed it. If it had been a second longer, you probably would've hugged him back. Oh gog, just thinking about it made you want to bury your face in a pillow and stay there for a thousand years; an act which could actually happen, considering you were dead.
You... guessed that you... sort of had a little pale crush on your dancestor. Which was NOT supposed to happen; the two of you had only known each other for all of two days, and were almost related. Wouldn't that count as incest to even consider any quadrant with him? Plus, you had sworn you wouldn't consider any quadrant with anyone a long time ago.
But... You just couldn't shake the oddly weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that made you feel like the lovesick girl in one of the many romance movies you had stacked in piles in front of your tv. Mulling it over for a while, you decide to go to the best person for this type of problem. Maybe she would be able to help you sort out these sudden feelings.
---
Porrim Maryam was the best person you know qualified to help you with your "problem". After sitting in the couch for god knows how long, you decided that it was time to stop being a sorry excuse of a troll and go visit her. Especially after you blew her off earlier, you think that you owe her an apology.
Porrim, as usual, was standing in front of a mannequin, a deep look of concentration in her face. She hadn't even noticed your arrival yet. You clear your throat loudly, making Porrim jump. "Oh, Kanny! I didn't think I would see you for a while. You seemed upset earlier, I thought you had gone and holed yourself in your room again."
"No," you shake your head and look around the room. It had been a while since you had been in here, and you felt like a stranger of sorts. "I'm fine. I hope I did not scare you with my arrival?" She shook her head kindly. You nod and continue. "I actually came here for... advice of sorts. I was hoping that you would listen to me and help me out?"
She nods and sits down on her old love seat, gesturing for you to sit down next to her. "Wow, it's been a while since you've come to me for help. Sit down and tell mama Porrim everything that's been troubling you."
"Mama Porrim...?" Whatever. You sit down and mull over what you're going to say. "Well, let's say I have this friend, which may be a little weird for me. But he's been having this problem; he's beginning to feel an attraction toward one of his friends that he's just made; and he's not quite sure if it's pale or flushed."
"Go on," she prompts.
You nod. "And he doesn't really want to freak his friend out; they've known each other for a short amount of time, and it's so sudden for him. And he doesn't know if his friend feels the same way; he says that they've engaged in pale actions, such as sitting in a pile and talking about their problems the way moirails do and they've hugged."
Porrim's eyes sparkle with amusement. "Oh really? Please, go on."
"So he asked me if I had any idea what to do. I've seen plenty of romance movies, after all, and he thought that I would have some idea of how to help him with his problem. So, I came to you. You might have an idea of what to do." You finish, letting out a breath. Porrim thinks for a minute.
"I see. So you and Karkat are ready to pursue a pale relationship?"
"P-Porrim!" You stutter. She gives you a knowing look as if to say 'give it up.' You sigh, shoulders sagging a little. "How did you know? Was I that transparent?"
She laughs. "It's not that hard to tell. You have many acquaintances, but not many close enough to call a friend. Yet, you and the younger Vantas already seem to be good friends. Plus, you two seemed to get along very well from what I saw."
You blush, not for the first nor last time. (You are kind of beginning to feel like a blushing virgin). "You saw us talking together?"
She nods. "It looked like more than talking to me. Your body language said it all. You were standing awfully close, and your hands were brushing against each other 'accidentally'. The scene was kind of endearing, if I may be so bold." You close your eyes, recalling what had happened earlier. Had the two of you been standing too close? You do recall your hands touching occasionally, but not enough to indicate that you wanted to hold hands, right?
You bury your face in your hands. "I guess so... it's just kind of-"
"Is the prospect of wanting to share a quadrant with someone even though you've never wanted to before scaring you? Or is it the fact that the both of you have only known each other for a short while and what you're feeling might scare Karkat away?" She asks, patting your back kindly. The gesture comforts you somehow.
"Both, I guess." You mumble into your sweater.
"Well, I guess all I can say is that if you are feeling these things, it's natural. I can't say that every troll wants to pursue a quadrant at least once in his life, but if you're getting these feelings, I say go for it. Chances are it's mutual. Besides, who hasn't thrown caution to the wind when it comes to relationships? I say, if you're both feeling it, and you wish to go pale, then do it and worry about what comes later. That's what I always do."
"Yes, and exactly how many pale relationships have you been in?" You ask in an almost teasingly tone and watch her face flush green.
"That is none of your concern! Is this what I get for trying to help you?" You laugh quietly as she chucks a pillow at your face. You raise an eyebrow and stare at her silently. "... 27."
"Really? Wow, I guess that means I owe Cronus 100 boondollars then..."
"You were betting on- oh my god, Kanny! I hope Karkat knocks some sense into that bratty head of yours!"
---
You yawn and stretch quietly, surveying the room around you. Like the rest of the hive, your room is just as plain and barren; however in here, many more piles of books and random sweaters were littered around the room. You have absolutely no idea where everyone gets the idea that you're a neat freak- you think that you're probably the messiest of all trolls, and anyone who has ever been granted the pass into the gaping black hole that was mistakenly called your room can vouch for that.
On your bed, covered by a pile of clothes you had bothered to clean earlier that morning, was your beloved laptop. You shuffle over to it and throw yourself onto the pile, rummaging around for your beloved piece of technology.
Although you are sometimes embarrassed to admit it, your laptop is probably one of your most prized possessions (right up there with your signed copy of A Wrinkle in Timelines). Ever since you died, though, you have never been able to connect to google chrome or anything, so updating your blog was out of the question.
You cringe as you realize how many of your friends might have been relieved at that.
You understand that your thoughts and opinions were skewed, and followed the 'angry teen social justice blogger' trope. Numerous people, such as Latula and Aranea, had pointed this out to you during your numerous rants. That was one of the reasons many people often ran away from your lectures or rants. (That and you had no idea when to shut up)
So you decide to write the day's events down in your electronic... journal (you have decided to call it that so your pride wouldn't have to suffer because you sounded like a hormonal teenage girl when in fact, you were a considerably less hormonal teenage troll who died right before he finished puberty) and attempt to go to sleep.
But it turns out that fate has other plans for you, you realize as two loud voices jolt you awake just at you had been getting comfortable.
"Dude, what are we even doing here"
"Shut up you goddamn Stridork!"
The first person snorts. "Wow. That's original."
"You know what? Why don't you do everyone a favor by sticking your head so far up your ass that you'll fuck yourself from the inside out!" Person two pauses. "Anyway, it's not like I want to be out here with you anyway. We just both happened to fall off the goddamn meteor right- I repeat, right as it was exiting the dream bubble, so I suggest you keep your mouth shut."
You pause. Now that you listen, the second person sounds a little bit like Karkat. Especially with THAT mouth. (You take a note of the insult he used. You'll have to use that one for when your especially angry with someone yourself -coughcronuscough-)
"Why are we even here, anyway? I mean, don't the other trolls live in the other direction? The older versions of you guys, I mean. C'mon, I wanna know what nubs McShouty looks like when he's older. Hopefully he doesn't look like the mess you turned out to be."
"We're around here because I know someone who had a hive. Filled with food. And it's actually liveable." Karkat pauses as if thinking. "Wait, that last part is debatable. If he's actually anything like me then it might be the messiest goddamn place in the universe. We don't know."
"Wow, really? The way you talk is so cute, Karkles."
(You brush of the twinge of jealousy. Not that you wanted to be the one down there calling Karkat cute or anything. Nope.) "Shut up, I'm not cute. I'm a creature of the night."
"Cuuuuute."
You hear a loud slam and someone grunting in pain. "Oh look, we're here."
Karkat pounds his fist on your door. "Hey, are you awake? We kinda need a place to crash for the night!"
---
Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you are laughing your ass off right now. Why?
The guy in question that Karkat had spoken so highly of has just opened the door to the (honeycomb? Bee house? You don't know, just that they call their houses by some weird name that makes you think of bees) with the messiest bedhead you had ever seen. And he was drooling slightly. And he was wearing flannel pajamas with hearts on them.
So much for the "guy so calm and collected- most of the time- that you need to resist the urge to ask if he literally has a pole shoved up his ass."
The dead troll rubs white eyes with his hands before shooting Karkat a small glare. "... 's dark thirty o clock Karkat..." He shifts his gaze to you. "And who's your friend...?"
You grin slyly. "I'm Dave Strider, but most people just call me awesome." You hold out your hand. The guy stares at it as if he's not sure what to do with it. Riiiiiiight. Your hand goes down back at your side where it belongs.
Kankri brightens up as if he's remembered something. "Karkat, isn't this the one that you walked in on wearing a bikini and singing California girls that one time?"
Karkat laughs. Holy shit. "Dude, not cool. You don't go around telling bros about another bros business."
It's Karkat's turn to grin smugly. You curse. Oh, how the tables have turned. For once your mortal enemy in the art of sick burns, one-upping, and rap battles has the upper hand. "What, are you embarrassed that I walked in on you practically cross dressing?" You see Kankri flinch as if he doesn't like that term.
You pause too. That was totally not what you were expecting him to say. You didn't really care about the bikini part; the only part you were really embarrassed about was the fact that he walked in on you singing (you cannot sing well to save your life) "dude, I literally DO NOT care about the cross dressing. Destroy the idea that clothing ever had gender. The only thing that should be a problem is that a bikini doesn't do a good job of covering a guys junk. Besides, you see how boring it gets on that rock."
Karkat just stares at you before shaking his head and inviting himself inside the guy's house.
The guy who just suddenly remembered that he had no idea who the hell you were.
"Karkat, please stop throwing yourself on my couch! Only I can do that! Oh, and I'm sorry for his rudeness. And mine. I didn't mean to say anything..." He pauses and yawns. "Anything about you. It's just that Karkat told me a story about it and that was the only thing that stuck. Oh, right, my name! I'm Kankri Vantas. You may have heard of me as either the Signless in Karkat's universe, or he may have referred to me as his dancestor."
"He's... my friend. I'm not sure how to feel about him, only that I've only known him for two or three goddamn days and already I've got... pale feelings for him. At least I think they're pale. It's not like what I felt for Gamzee, which was really just a contract to make sure he didn't go batshit crazy. Which I failed at. But it doesn't feel like red romance or anything, like what I briefly felt for Terezi. Who is hatefucking my old moirail. Wow, I suck at quadrants. But I've fucked up all my other relationships, and I don't want to fuck this one up too."
"Yeah, I've heard about you." You say and make yourself at home on the other side of the couch. Kankri comes and situated himself between you and Karkat; but you can't help but notice that he and Karkat naturally gravitate towards each other, just shy of touching.
"The guy's real spacey, apparently. Hates being close to people, hates being touched. Which I understand, I mean I have the same damn problem. Well... not problem really. I mean, who wants to be touched by you?"
"So, what brings you guys out here? I mean, wouldn't you want to stay with anyone else? My hive isn't particularly the best place to stay. I guess one of you could sleep on the couch, but... the other one would probably have to share my bed. I hardly have any guests over. How long will you be planning on staying?"
Karkat shrugs. "Not sure. However long it takes for the others to realize we're gone, I guess. And even longer for them to set up the- whatever the hell they have to do to get us back on the meteor. We fell off, and there's no getting back on. It only goes one fucking direction. Seriously, who designed this shit?"
"Apparently he hates curse words. Which is really one of the only points were different at, besides his annoying goddamn talking. Which it weird. I usually curse up a shitstorm so large hurricane sandy doesn't even compare to it. I mean, damn. It's not like I watch my language around him anyway. He'll call me out on it every once in a while."
"How the heck do you even fall off of a meteor in the first place?"
"I dunno. Do you have any food in here?"
"I'll make you two something to eat." He gets up and walks to the kitchen.
"I may as well go help him..." Karkat grumbles and follows soon after.
You laugh silently. Well well well, it looks like little baby Karkat has grown up and found himself a love interest. You shed an ironic, fatherly tear.
---
Fuck the world. No, not in that way you sick bastard.
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have officially decided that you hate Dave Strider. And not in the kismesis way, either.
Apparently Kankri has absolutely no extra space or any blowup mattresses. Or any sopor slime, but everyone ran out of that shit long ago. (All anger aside, you are interested in the fact that Beforus doesn't use sopor or anything. The more you learn about it, the more you become interested in it). He had a couch, but you would rather die than ever share that with Dave.
So it was either share a bed with Kankri, or share the couch with Dave (the asshole had fallen asleep on it right after they ate a meal of mostly cooked hot pockets and an old bottle of coke, winking at the two of them and telling them to 'stay safe. You had never wanted to strangle a person more than in that moment) and right now the former looked to be the more promising.
Unfortunately, Kankri was already fast asleep and tossing around on the large bed, (Dave called it a full bed. Full? He didn't get it. What was it full of? Animal entrails?) leaving you very confused and wondering how to position yourself when he was literally taking up almost the entire bed.
You contemplate sleeping on the floor.
Nope, you think with a sigh as you attempt to crawl in next to Kankri only to be kicked off slightly after. You were fucking tired, and your back would hurt like a bitch if you slept on the ground.
It wasn't that you didn't want to sleep with your dancestor or anything. (You mean share a bed, goddamnit) But when said dancestor proves to be a fucking bedhog with a space complex, one doesn't know how to sleep with him.
You decide to fuck it.
You lightly push at him until he's rolled over enough to give you space and crawl in next to him. He grips at the blanket and mumbles something before rolling right back to his previous position; which happens to be right on top of you. Fuck everything.
So right now you're tired, still hungry, you need to take a shit, and now you're slowly being suffocated by what could possibly be the warmest person in existence. You've... been at this for a while. But at lease it was better than attempting to curl up in a pile of fuck knows what and try to sleep while your ex-moirail is honking in the vents and scaring the living shit out of you.
You wonder if anyone had noticed your absence. Probably not; the only impression you left on people was grumpy, probably hates your guts, and needs five cups of coffee like Dave needs five cups of shut the fuck up. They'd probably think it's quieter around the place though.
Then Kankri decides to be a dumbass.
Before it was only his back crushing you; limbs sprawled out and trapping you kind of like a cage. But lord knows that would never last long, you mutter to yourself as he ever so slowly rolls himself around until he's resting on his side. You feel his hipbone digging into your-
You know what? You're not even going to say it. But it hurts like a bitch.
Then as if THAT wasn't bad enough, Kankri decides to shift himself again, until the two of you are stomach to stomach and he's lying on top of you like you see in sex movies or on the shitty porn videos Sollux showed you when you were younger (some of those positions were fucking unreal). You blush uncomfortably. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, now you had that godawful image in your head.
But it seems god is willing to cut you a break for once and NOT make things awkward in front of your pale-crush (there was no denying it anymore. You were fucking palecrushing on Kankri) and he squirms from his current position- using your head as a pillow- down to a more comfortable one.
You look down at his sleeping form in the dim lighting. He did sort of look kind of cute. And he was drooling on your sweater. And wrapping his limbs around you and clinging to you like a goddamn octopus. You feel your face heat up slightly.
You settle in for a long night.
Fuck the world.