Work Text:
BEEP.
BEEP.
BEEP.
WHAM. you hit the alarm clock quite hard, the button getting jammed slightly as you flop back into the bed, hands rubbing on your face as you groan into them. you just want to go back to sleep but you know Jade won't let you do that. it's about 6:00 in the morning which is way too early you believe.
your name is Dave Strider and you have been on a spaceship for about 8 months now. traveling with your best friend Jade, you're semi-friend Vriska, your ecto-dad Roxy, your sister-in-law kanaya and your fiance, KarKat- speaking of him, he's still passed out next to you in your shared bed and you can't help but smile at his stupid drooling face.
you lean over and give him a light peck on the forehead which gets a little reaction out of him as he is a very light sleeper, blinking groggily before looking over at you. he gives you a frog blink before leaning over and burying his face in your neck, his voice coming out quiet and gentle but still rough.
KARKAT: MMH..MORNIN..
DAVE: morning grumpy
you ruffle his hair as he buries his face into your neck like he usually does in the morning and he starts purring, gog you love when you're stupid alien fiance starts purring like kitten, you love when he makes cat noises in general as it's kind of cute how this bug like alien makes cat like noises, adorable.
DAVE: what do you want for breakfast, bro?
KARKAT: GRABCAKES
DAVE: i don't know how to make those man
KARKAT: IT'S NOT THAT HARD, JUST CUT UP A BIT OF GRUB AND PUT IT IN WHAT YOU HUMANS CALLED "PANCAKE" BATTER. I'M GOING TO GO CHECK ON THE ENGINE
you just laugh at KarKat's dismay as he gets up and chucks a display pillow at you which you can't help but laugh even more which gets you a kiss on the cheek before KarKat chucks on his glasses and walks off. you sit up on the bed, putting on your sunglasses before looking over at the bedside table with a picture.
the picture is of the day you and KarKat got engage which was taken by Jade, which it was a great day but that's a story for another time, right now it's time for breakfast.
you got up from the bed and walk into the hallway. the lights are yellow and bright to try and keep a normal day night cycle on the ship which is a nightmare for KarKat and Kanaya because of their natural nocturnal sleeping habits so they keep slo
you turn the corner and see that in the kitchen is Roxy who is making breakfast in his pajamas which then he turns to you with a smile
ROXY: yo! wut up kid? wut u want for breakfast?
DAVE: mornin' rox. karkat wants some grubcakes and i just want some bacon n' eggs.
ROXY: coming right up!
you sit at the kitchen island and rub up your head a little as you've been getting headaches for quite a little bit now, migraines even because it hurts so much and i can't be dehydration because you've been drinking the estimator amount of water every day so can't be that. Roxy put the eggs in bacon down in front of you grubcakes without the grub so just pancakes
ROXY: r u ok man?? u look like shit. have ya being doing good?
DAVE: yeah i just i've been feeling a little off for about 4 months i think?
VRISKA: what are y'all talking a8out?
Vriska walked out of her room and into the kitchen, flying little before sitting down next to you, putting her elbows against the kitchen aisle and her hands on her face.
VRISKA: you know, i've noticed you put on a 8it of w8 over the past couple months. you've 8een putting on a couple pounds fatty.
DAVE: oh shut up
VRISKA: fatty fatty fatty fatty fatty fatty fatty.
ROXY: vriska. leave him alone he just woke up
DAVE: mmhnh...
you just try to eat but trying wants to make you puke, every time you swallow the food if you like gagging and you don't understand why. it's gross and unsavory so you just stop eating and push it towards Vriska who doesn't hesitate to start eating what you couldn't. Roxy looks at you for a couple seconds before opening his mouth
ROXY: you on your period?
DAVE: i haven't had in while... i've been so stressed out about rose and all of this bullshit that's been going on this nightmare family road trip because Dirk just had kidnap Rose what even started this stupid rat road chase to begin with.
Vriska pulls a confused face for a couple seconds before swallowing her food and swinging her fork around as she speaks up
VRISKA: what the fuck is a period??
ROXY: humans bleed out of their vaginas or a nook as you call it. it's how we reproduce- wait, when was the last time you had your period?
DAVE: uuhh...5 months ago?
ROXY: are you sure it's just stress and not something else??
you stop rubbing your head to look at him, pulling your sunglasses onto your forehead to look at him better, he's currently drinking coffee while looking at you over his pink heart sunglasses
DAVE: dude. i can't be pregnant that's not possible. the only person i've ever slept with is kat so i don't know what's going for your head as well as you me and jade are the only humans on this ship and i most definitely didn't fuck her
ROXY: are you sure it's not him? he is a mutant after all so we don't really know how he works.
you just get up and storm out of the kitchen, passing Jade and kanaya on the way out who both look confused before turning to Vriska and Roxy, Vriska finishing up her food
JADE: what wrong with Dave??
VRISKA: he got angry at Roxy 8ecause he said he might 8e pregnant
KANAYA: How Would He Even Get Pregnant In The First Place?
Vriska just shrugs before pushing her plate towards Roxy and walking off the same way you did, Roxy scowling at her as she walks off to leave him with the dishes. kanaya watches before walking off down the hallway towards the library, Jade glides over to the kitchen to help Roxy unlike someone
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
[9 am]
you are currently in the bathroom with your sun glasses off on the sink and brushing your teeth as it feels like it's the only thing you can do at the moment as your lover boy has been working on the engine all fucking day neglecting yo ass... you should go hang out with him soon but you start feeling cramps in your lower abdomen which have been going on and off for a couple days now but it doesn't feel like it's going away this time as it feels like it's just getting more and more painful as you keep brushing to the point where you feel your legs buckle underneath you.
you ditch brushing your teeth entirely because fuck that when you feel like you're about to shit yourself because what the fuck is this. you sit on the floor against the bathtub holding your stomach in pain because it hurts way too much to do anything else. you weekly get on your knees and turn on the tap for the bath because hot water usually helps cramps but you end up leading over the side of the tub while holding it in pain
DAVE: ugh....mmhm...
gog it feels like you're going to die but then you hear a knock and the door swings open well more accurately was kicked opened by Vriska as she looks to be beyond pissed but noticed you being pathetic near the bath so her face softens a bit before she snickers like an idiot
VRISKA: are you trying to throw up? doing it in a 8atch of water is not a good idea, just do it in the toilet.
DAVE: i think i'm fucking dying.
VRISKA: what.
DAVE: HELP ME
Vriska panics a little but does help by quickly picking you up and putting you in the water, not even bothering to strip you down before quickly running off, the water feels nice and it does help of your cramps quite a bit but it's still feels like you're going to shit yourself. gog, what did you do to get yourself in this situation but you can't really dwell on that as Vriska comes back with Jade in toe as she is the ship's medical assistance as she's nearly one with actual medical knowledge out of everyone
JADE: OKAY. how do you feel right now Dave? can you do the put your pain on a scale for me?? 1 to 100?
DAVE: 80. help.
JADE: oh fuck. okay- i'm going to quickly get the first aid kit and anything else that i need. Vriska, i need you to get in the bathtub with him to calm him down- strip him down if you can
VRISKA: WHAT—
before Vriska could even complain, Jade teleports away in a bright flash of green because the medicine bay just had to be on the other side of the ship so Vriska just did as she was told and got in the tub with you, pushing you forward so she could sit behind you and hold ya in a comfortable position. her arms wrap around your waist to pull you closer to her but you yelped from the pressure so she put her hands on your chest instead, holding on one of your hands to try and calm me down , also turning off the tap so there's no more water running just in case
VRISKA: sssooooo. how you feel?
DAVE: like i'm gonna shit myself.
VRISKA: fuck. isn't that a symptom of giving 8irth? kanaya made me read a 8ook a8out human reproduction 8ut i didn't finish it 8ecause i'm not sorry but your species reproduction is 8oring as fuck. tho giving birth instead of laying eggs is cool.
DAVE: you're a fucking bitch
VRISKA: okay damn.
Jade enters the room in a flash of green as she teleported back with a bunch of medical supplies and starts opening it all up, seemingly also went to the little library as she has a book with her now that she is quickly flipping through before looking at you and then looking at the page and then looking at you
JADE: i think you're pregnant... you have the symptoms and your stomach is bloated. do you feel like you need to push something or-??
DAVE: i need to get whatever is in my body OUT.
you see Jade start scrambling as she runs out the bathroom and comes back with towels and blankets as you pretty much accept that you're most likely going to give birth to whatever the fuck is in you. a human? a troll? you don't fucking know thats for sure. you feel Vriska pull your pants down which actually feels nice to be free of the cloth like a newborn baby on a summers day with a warm with the breeze but that pleasure doesn't last long when you get another contraction and start crying because of the pain where Vriska is trying to shush pat you as Jade put down the towels as she rips the pants out of the water.
JADE: okay! time to see if you're actually pregnant :D
DAVE: DON'T FUCKING SAY SHIT LIKE THAT ALL HAPPILY!!
JADE: °-°
VRISKA: ssssssssshhhhh~
JADE: okay... i need you to pust for me Dave, can you do they for me??
you do as you're told as well as letting nature take its course and holy fucking jegus christ it feel like your body is splitting in half so you start crying more obviously, it's worse than being hit by katana by bro and then being thrown into the top of the apartments at full speed and then down the stairs which is saying a lot but it's accurate to the feeling right now. you feel something come out there but you're too focused on getting it out to look down but Vriska's face says fucking everything you need to know which is of mortified disgust all over her face to the point where she stopped shush patting you.
the water is stained red and green for some reason which is surprising to you but you feel Vriska get out of the bath and lays you down fully in the bath, you feel so tired but you see Jade and Vriska cleaning something up that lets out squeaks. Jade gives it over to Vriska before teleporting out of the bathroom
VRISKA: congrats i guess, it's a lime grub!
DAVE: ....what.
VRISKA: i don't know what to tell you dude, you gave live 8irth to a grub. you're a....dad now?? that's what you humans call your ancestors right?
you don't even get time to process before you hear metal footsteps come towards the bathroom and KarKat flails in with Jade in tow, he even trips on the door frame and plummets into a face plant on before ground before quickly getting up and crawling over to you and grabbing your face
KARKAT: DAVE HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY!?
DAVE: hey kitkat. i'm perfectly fine you don't need to worry about me
KARKAT: THE WATER IS LITERALLY STAINED WITH YOUR BLOOD??
JADE: oh no that's normal, humans lose a bit of blood during birth so it's fine :D
JADE: anyway
Jade turns towards Vriska as KarKat basically glues himself to you, holding onto your tight while he sobs like a baby but gog you just want to sleep now as all that pushing really tuckers someone out- fuck a burger sounds really good right now. Jade turns towards you while holding a blanket and unwraps it to show off the little one, a lime blood grub like Vriska said but they have white hair like you as well as your skin and nubby little horns just like KarKat. gog they are just a little sweetheart and you're already in love with them
JADE: here is your little one :B
you take them from her and they immediately squeak at you like they recognise you and your voice, trying to craw onto you as you hold them right above you- little bugs legs flailing about and KarKat just laughs at the little bugger while crying his eyes out and you can't help but cry a little too as you made this, you both did.
KARKAT: OH JUST LOOK AT THEM.. WHAT GENDER DO YOU WANT TO RAISE THEM?
DAVE: w-what?
KARKAT: TROLLS ARE INTERSEXED SO OUR LUSUS RAISE US WHATEVER GENDER THEY WANT BUT IT'S STILL OUR CHOICE IN THE END
DAVE: well... i just want him to be happy
KARKAT: SO BOY THEN?
DAVE: what do you think little man?
the little grub just squeaks happily at the title of "little man" and reaches for KarKat so of course he takes the little grub and holds him like how you hold a cat, the little guy squirming in his grasp and making soft squeaks as well as that's the only way grubs communicate
KARKAT: WHAT SHOULD WE CALL HIM?
DAVE: hhm...nnhmm..
KARKAT: DAVE?
you feel so tired and you can't stay awake any longer, slipping into the sweet darkness of sleep that you've been desperately craving for about what you believe is 2 hours. finally time to let go of reality...
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
you wake up. you don't know what time it is but you're in your and KarKat's bed- speaking of your fiance he's in the room with you and your child who is in a crib now so Roxy knows about them obviously and most likely kanaya well as he is feeling him. you try and get up but you feel a spike of pain immediately in your crotch so you just lay back down again and KarKat immediately looks over a you
KARKAT: FINALLY YOU'RE AWAKE! YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR AN ENTIRE DAY!! PUSHING THIS LITTLE BASTARD OUT MUST HAVE TIRED YOU OUT HUH? BUT WE STILL DON'T HAVE A NAME FOR HIM..
DAVE: mmm...how about Kasper? it's six letters like trolls names and it's a human name so it's like a mix between societies and how he's like he's a mix between two separate species that was somehow made through unconventional means.
KARKAT: I LIKE IT BUT YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
Kasper seems to agree with the name choice, wiggling his little legs happily but it's most likely just because he's happy to see you awake and is trying to come to despite trying to eat at the same time. he's stupid but you can help but already love him because of his little stupidity but that seems short lived as there is a very soft knock on the door before it just gets kicked open by Vriska forward by everyone else on the ship
ROXY: ok asshole explain how this little shit came to be now because i need to understand how you somehow produced offspring with him
KarKat walks over to you with Kasper in his arms and sits down on the bed, he looks at you which is obviously giving the vibe of "you explain it to him" as he continues feeding the little lime glub
DAVE: well.. KarKat had just started going through his heat cycle and i finished my period and was ovulating, i'm guessing he's smelt happening and one thing let to another. i horny troll plus ovulating human makes hybrid
DAVE: i don't really know man he just exists
KANAYA: Well, I Just Hope Your Body Is Doing Fine As We Don't Really Know What The Side Effects Are Going To Be
KANAYA: There Has Been No Documents On Human-Troll Hybrids Before So He Might Be The First One
JADE: then we should make some documentation!!!
JADE: but was it really a good idea to make a baby when we don't know how long we are going to spend in space??
DAVE: don't blame me.
KARKAT: HEY!! DON'T BLAME MY BIOLOGICAL URGES! BLAME YOURS!!
ROXY: boys. just stop.
the room goes quiet except for the sound of a Kasper eating some insects but you don't really mind. yeah this is another problem stacked on to trying to get Rose back from dirk kidnapping her and making you go into space in the first place but you're with your loved ones. your fiance, your ecto-dad, sister-in-law, your best friend and your acquaintance...all you could ask for to be honest
KANAYA: So... Will You Be Producing Any More Offspring Soon Dave?