Chapter Text
17 Jul
Dear Mira and Zoey,
Today is our one-year anniversary since we formed Huntr/x. I can’t believe that this last year has gone by so fast. I honestly never thought I would become as close to you guys (or anyone for that matter) as much as we did. The last year has been amazing, and I wish I could properly thank you guys. You guys bring a life to our group that nobody else can, and we work so well together when fighting demons. I just feel unstoppable because I know who has my back when things get a little messy. Not only have you shown me what true friendship is like, but I feel like I can be myself around you. Almost.
I just wish I could really be myself, though. Don’t get me wrong, you guys are great. Truly. Both of you are the greatest friends that anyone can have.
And that’s why I feel so underserving of you both.
I’m a demon
I’m half demon
You know those things we kill? Yeah, I’m half of that
I’m a monster.
I tried not to get close to you in the beginning, but you guys really made that hard.
Zoey, your personality is so magnetic that it is nearly impossible not to get close. I love how sweet you are, and that you made me feel included from day one.
Mira, you may act like you have this cold and rocky exterior, but underneath that you’re so loving and caring. You’re always checking up on us and make sure that we’re not overworking ourselves – especially me.
Rumi sighed. ‘God, I wish it wasn’t so hard to express my feelings.’ Rumi studied the words she had written so far, chewing on the end of her pencil. ‘It’s not like they’re ever gonna see this anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter that this is a mess.’ Rumi adjusts herself in her seat, stretching her legs to help get some of the feeling back.
You girls are so amazing. You both are so open, honest, and unapologetically you.
I just wish I could be the same.
I think after our first show was the first time I really wanted to tell you. I am a half demon. Long story short, I never knew my father, but he was a demon and my mom fell in love with him. At least, that’s what Celine told me. She also said that I can’t tell you guys considering we’re demon hunters (ironic, I know) and it wouldn’t be safe. After all, I am the very thing we hate.
And some days, I hate myself so much.
Rumi pauses in her writings, trying to steady her breathing to get rid of the growing tightness she feels in her throat. A few tears fall from her face and smear the ink on the page. She’s in too deep in this letter, she can’t start over now, otherwise the words that she needs to say will escape her.
I would like to think that you guys wouldn’t hate me. At least not as much as I hate myself. Or how much Celine does. I would like to think that you could still look at me, or not be disgusted if you saw the real me. Or kill me where I stand because I deserve it.
The hunter slammed her fist on the desk as she angrily crossed out the last line. Life was so cruel, all she wanted was to be loved. To be accepted. To be loved unconditionally. How could she expect anyone, especially her two best friends to accept her? Celine has made it very clear the moment that her patterns started to show that she needed to be ashamed of herself and hide, otherwise she would lose her life. She was a mistake who shouldn’t be here.
I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I’m this way. I don’t want to keep this from you, but I also don’t want you to see me like this. I promise that I will stop at nothing to make sure we turn the Honmoon golden. Maybe it’ll fix me – Celine said it has to. I hope I have the courage to tell you both this one day. You both deserve to know the truth. But I’m too scared of what will happen after. The worst part is, I probably won’t give you this letter either… I can't stand the idea of losing either of you especially now that we've gotten so close. Or as close as I'll allow myself to get to you. I don't deserve either of you, and I'm so afraid that this will change everything.
Hopefully one day, I won't be such a coward.
- Rumi
Rumi puts the pencil down again, and reads over her letter. ‘Good thing I’m not giving this to them, my thoughts are all over the place…’ she thinks to herself bitterly. Times like this, she really wished she had Zoey’s knack for writing things down so eloquently. But then again, Rumi never really had the opportunity to get her feelings out in the open since Celine drilled into her that her faults and fears must never be seen. This letter goes against everything her that was instilled in her from an early age, but seeing her thoughts has release a weight off her shoulders that she didn’t realize she had been carrying. She still felt heavy, but not as bad as it had been. Rumi takes the paper and neatly folds it in thirds. Once she was satisfied with how perfect the edges of the paper lined up with each other, she opened her desk drawer and slipped it in, never to see the light of day again.
Suddenly, she hears commotion coming from the living room of their penthouse and she slowly rises from her desk to investigate. Upon entering the living room, she sees the two very subjects of her letter figthing on the couch.
"God dammit, Zoey! I swear you're cheating!" Mira screamed at the younger girl, but Rumi knew her long enough to know that there wasn't any real bite behind her anger.
"Prove it loser," Zoey, laughing on the other end of the couch says as she sticks her tongue out at the pink-headed girl. Mira groans exasperatedly and throws her controller to the side. Rumi sees that they were playing Mario Kart, and correctly assumes that Zoey keeps beating Mira. Zoey is absolutely insane at Mario Kart, and Rumi knows it pisses Mira off because the taller girl is super competitive. She laughs at their antics, which immediately gets the attention of the other two girls.
"Oh Rumi, thank god you're here!" Mira quickly gets up from the couch and makes her way over to their group leader. "Come on, we have to take down Zoey. She can't get away from her crimes."
Zoey scoffs, "Oh please! You just need to get good, noob." Taunting Mira might not have been the best move on Zoey's part, but Zoey loves to poke the bear.
"That's it!" Mira yells while grabbing Rumi's wrist to lead her back to the couch. "You're going down. No way you can beat both of us." Rumi is terrible at Mario Kart, but if it means that she can spend time with Mira and Zoey, she will gladly come in 12th place every time.
It's times like these where Rumi thinks she could give them her letter without any fallout, but she has to keep that thought buried deep inside for now. Right now, she just wants to actually enjoy this moment without anything ruining it.