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He’d written her off as unswayable, L deduced.
When she initially introduced herself as L at the graduation ceremony, she could see the wheels churning in his mind. He saw her as a potentially easy target; females swooned this way and that for the perfect golden boy, and so too could L given enough temptation and charm.
That hadn’t been the case. She seemed completely unfazed by any attempts at flattery, seduction, charm. No matter how nicely he treated her; no matter what coyish look he threw her way, she didn’t so much as blink. It was almost humiliating the way she nonchalantly brushed him off. Humiliating that his prowess couldn’t work on every single woman he needed to manipulate, even though it had worked in the past for every single woman. L was the single outlier that frustrated him to the very depths of what made him a man.
After a time, it seemed he gave up on trying to lure L into his web. He stopped being suave, and reverted to a more appropriate colleague-esque relationship with L. It was a breath of fresh air for L, because she could finally stop focusing on deflecting Light’s attempts at subversion and allure. She may have been the world’s greatest detective, but she was also a woman, and not without libido. She’d never touched herself before—felt arousal in the past but it wasn’t urgent enough to require self-servicing—but having to put up with Light’s mating ritual was still difficult, even if she never displayed signs of being affected.
When Light lost his memories, he didn’t appear to display any interest in her, initially. L wasn’t entirely sure whether or not it as an act until Light went to sleep and revealed all of his secrets. The brain may be able to lie when it’s awake, but the most potent truth serum is the brain asleep.
L chose to have them sleep in the same bed despite the obvious social taboo that came with a man and a woman who weren’t in a relationship sleeping together. She did not trust the man for one moment, even with his seemingly genuine outburst in the jail cell of not being Kira. The honesty in his eyes caused her doubt, but she trusted herself more than anyone else in the world.
Now, even though Light no longer attempted to attract her, it appeared he was not unaffected by her presence.
She lied in bed, long after Light had gone to sleep. She wished to go to sleep, too, brain fatigued after racing nonstop for far too long. She’d been waiting, waiting, eyes trying to close but rising half-lidded again because it hurt to keep them closed. The pains of insomnia, the ever racing mind and eyes that refuse to stay shut for long. But she lay there, waiting for her body to shut down on its own.
Light shifted. He’d been having some nightmares as of late, which was peculiar given that of all the times she’s observed him in his home prior to meeting her, he’d had quiet nights with no interruptions in between.
Light was Kira. And yet… would Kira have seemingly erotic dreams about her?
Yes, she could feel his groin pressed against her rear, separated by her clothes and his underwear. He could have worn pants, but having known L, he knew she didn’t care, and frankly, he wasn’t going to spare his comfort when she stripped away so many of his.
Her breath quickened. She initially wasn’t sure whether this was intended on Light’s part, but when she continued to hear his slow breathing, she concluded he was still asleep. So this hard crotch making contact with her was of subconscious influence. The shifting may have been a coincidence, but when she heard her name whispered from him, she knew.
There were possible explanations for why Light’s mind would unconsciously choose L over someone like Amane. Light had been face-to-face with L for much longer than he’d been with Misa, giving the brain more ample situations with which to create dreams from. The proximity of the two was another factor. Lying in bed next to each other could stimulate obvious fantasies, even if one weren’t particularly attracted to the other. L was leaning toward the latter explanation, as she was far from the attractiveness that Misa displayed, what with L’s long, uncombed hair and gaunt physique; bags under her eyes and fingernails jagged and gnawed on compared to Light’s perfect oval fingernails; no bra to support her large breasts when she really should be wearing one; slovenly clothing that discounted the figure she actually had underneath. She was fine with that, though. Attracting undue attention to herself was not on her agenda, so keeping herself as unattractive as possible was only a benefit. After all, males aren’t so picky with how women looked if they’re desperate enough.
She tried to reason with herself as she heard Light’s breath quicken. He was definitely having a dream. One’s breathing becomes more erratic during the dreaming phase of the sleep cycle. He’d be paralyzed for this part of his sleep cycle, and thus, nothing devious would happen.
It didn’t change the fact that L’s primary suspect had his boner poking at her butt.
She wanted to move away, but moving would disturb her body from shutting down. If she stayed still long enough, her brain would eventually turn off as she did in the past.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but she wasn’t asleep and now Light was grinding his crotch into her own from behind. Her heart leapt to her throat at the stimulation. She’d never been with another person before.
Light’s breath whispered against the back of her neck, tickling where her neck lay bare as her hair was strewn across the pillow. She could smell the sweat from him; he’d taken a shower, but everyone sweats at night, and she could feel him and for some reason, maybe even wanted to feel more of it.
The NREM of sleep is when one isn’t sleep paralyzed. Sometimes one dreams—it’s rare, but it can happen. Light’s movement was becoming more restless. L had read about sexsomnia; perhaps Light had it. Maybe because he was in close proximity with her body, and, not having been able to release in some time, his body did what came naturally due to evolution. It left her mouth dry and subtly pushing back into the sleeping man’s movements, in an attempt to feel a bit more without disturbing him.
She didn’t know why she was doing this. It wasn’t logical to do so, as she was well aware of the potential effects that occurred from copulation. It could lead to chemical reactions in the brain forming a stronger bond with the partner. Light could kill her, have her killed, and probably wouldn’t have a care in the world, while she’d end up feeling all the more betrayed because she stupidly caught feelings for him.
She couldn’t help it though. She pushed back. She enjoyed what rocking there was, her underwear growing moist from her startling arousal, attempting to angle herself so that his groin was nudging against her more fully. She bit at her finger, staring blankly into the darkness, silently wishing that it would either come to completion or just go away. She wasn’t sure if she liked her brain feeling like this—feeling foggy and flooded by arousal.
She got one of her wishes, but it was the choice she didn’t prefer. The grinding came to a stop as Light had a nocturnal emission. She could feel the wetness seep through his underwear and soil hers. She frowned, feeling pent up with frustration.
Curse Light.
Instead of masturbating, L turned around in the bed, making sure she didn’t knock any of his body parts in the process. She glared at his pretty face, what little she could see in a room so dark.
I heard you say my name, she thought to herself. He’d never know that was her real name. She reached out and gently touched his face, ignoring the throbbing between her legs. He looked so normal when he was asleep. Not a god, not an angel, not a death wish with a pretty face. A normal human.
She got out of bed and got back to work. There was no way she would be able to sleep knowing what Light was dreaming that night.
Light had several more nocturnal emissions despite his scowling and irritation the morning after, and the curious gazes aimed toward her, wondering if she knew… of course she knew, he knew, but she never made any mention of it. It was a normal thing to happen. But she also caught him looking at her in a different way every once in a while. A genuine look of interest.
In some capacity, she knew he longed for her in more than a physical way—it had to be more than physical, as she wasn’t pretty—and she was the only one that would be able to give it to him. That may have manifested itself into a sexual desire. She wasn’t sure.
When Light gained his memories back, L was no longer able to tell if Light thought of her that way. They never shared a bed again. She longed for it, longed for what was beyond what they had. She’d never know if she’d experience what it’d be like; to know all about it yet know nothing about what it actually is like. If Light hadn’t been Kira, maybe… maybe…