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Eddie was okay.
No one actually believed him but he promised that he was every time the question popped up.
Every time he was at the library with Stan and he would stare at nothing for a few seconds and Stan would throw him a quick 'are you okay?'
Every time he went to the gym with Bill and Mike and he would decide to leave earlier, getting some concerned questions back as he insisted he was fine.
Every time Ben and Bev would look at him with those big eyes and she would tell in a small almost motherly way that he could talk with them, Eddie would just answer gratefully that he was okay.
He was okay. Fine. Everything was alright.
And honestly, he was getting kind of tired of the constant questions, the worried looks and everyone treating him like he was made out of glass.
Well, almost everyone.
Lately, he could only stand Richie, and that was saying a lot.
It’s not that Richie didn’t care, it’s just he had different ways to care. So a month ago when Eddie came back from Derry and he asked if he was okay and Eddie answered yes, Richie had dropped it and continued being Richie. Stupid, annoying Richie, that made him laugh when he most needed it. And he was so fucking thankful for that.
Until he got that fucking phone call. A Saturday. At six in the morning.
His phone rang loudly and Eddie rolled around his bedsheets as he reached for it. It didn’t ring long but he was sure it was enough to wake Stan up, who was sleeping in the next room, but hopefully, he wouldn‘t get too much shit about it later.
“Hello?” His voice sounded raspy and tired.
“Yo, Spaghetti! Yo, yo, yooooo!” Richie’s obnoxious voice said on the other side.
“Richie, I’m gonna murder you,” he said rubbing his eyes.
“Aw, sweet as always I see, Eds.”
“Don’t call-“ he sighed, giving up. It was too early anyway, “where are you? I’ll pick you up,” he stood up looking for pants thinking Richie must have still been drunk or high from the night before.
“The question is where are you and when can I pick you up?” Richie replied still sounding too cheery and active.
“What?”
“I could be there in ten minutes, I think that's enough for you to pack.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Richard?”
“Okay so here’s my idea," he then attempted to sing a drumroll," let’s go to Area 51.”
Eddie was silent, too tired and confused to keep listening to Richie's crazy ideas.
“I’m hanging up now, Richie.”
“Okay, see you in ten!”
Eddie sat down in bed thinking if the phone call had been even real. What the hell was he thinking? Richie couldn’t be serious, could he? He must have been crazy or high to think he was coming with him on a six-hour drive to the middle of nowhere.
He was about to lay down and go back to sleep when Stan knocked on his door.
As soon as the words “Hey, is everything okay?” Came out of his friend's mouth, Eddie was back on his feet.
“Richie and I are driving to Area 51.”
Honestly even the fucking middle of nowhere was better than hearing those words again.
Fifteen minutes later Eddie was stepping out the front door. Richie had parked the Millenium Falcon -the name of his ridiculously old car that didn't look at all like a spaceship- on the other side of the street and his entire tall lanky figure was pressed against the driver's door as he smoked a cigarette. Richie spotted Eddie coming out of the building and smiled brightly.
“Now aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, Spaghetti!” He shouted.
Eddie groaned. Too fucking early for this.
God, what was he doing?
He walked over to him, the smug smile still on Richie’s lips, even when he pushed his duffel bag hardly against his chest.
“You drive first, I’m getting the rest of my sleeping hours.”
“Not even a good morning kiss?” Eddie glared. Richie shrugged, “raincheck.”
Eddie opened the back door, making clear that he wasn’t planning on co-piloting and just wanted to keep sleeping. Richie didn’t argue and got into the driver seat.
“Let’s go catch some aliens!”
Eddie rolled his eyes and rested his head on the seat, quickly slipping into unconsciousness.
Eddie opened the front door, the same one he had opened a thousand times.
He knew the house like the palm of his hand, but could hardly call it home. He could point every floorboard that creaked. He knew which steps he had to skip to be absolutely silent. He could perfectly describe how to sneak out from his bedroom’s window without being noticed by anyone, especially his mom.
He knew all these things and more, yet every time he walked through the front door he felt the air leave his lungs as his hands would instantly reach for the inhaler he no longer took with him.
“Eddie Bear.”
The sound came from the living room. He was standing there now.
Sonia Kaspbrak sat there, on her usual recliner.
She looked sad. Worried. Tears strum down her face.
He tried to talk but nothing came out. He couldn't breathe anymore.
“Why wouldn’t you take your pills?”
Eddie opened his eyes quickly, waking up from the nightmare. His breath rapid and cold sweat on his forehead.
He calmed down quickly enough, remembering he was on Richie’s car, on the road and not in Maine. Not even near the house. Safe.
His neck felt all weird and sore as he sat up, finally getting Richie’s attention their eyes locked through the rearview mirror.
“I was wondering how much longer you were going to be passed out, Sleeping Beauty.”
He saw out of the window and he realized they were already far out in the desert. The sun shone strongly but inside the car, the air conditioner had kept them cool. Richie had music on and Eddie he was surprised that he slept through Richie’s playlist, that could go very quickly from Bob Dylan to Metallica. However, The Cure was playing and Eddie didn’t mind that at all.
“Really? Sleeping Beauty? You’re getting predictable.”
Richie smiled.
“Alright then, Sleeping Twink.”
Eddie gave him an unimpressed stare that had Richie snickering in the front.
“Just stop it with the nicknames, for now, it’s too early for that.”
“You say that but is already ten, baby.”
Eddie opened his eyes in surprise, “fuck, Richie, you’ve been driving for four hours?” He asked alarmed, “stop this car right now.”
"I love it when you get all bossy like that.”
Eddie rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the way his cheeks would heat up.
Soon enough it was him sitting behind the steering wheel, while Richie sat on the passenger seat and gave him directions. How Richie had managed to drive them all the way up there without any help was a mystery for Eddie. He had to admit, Richie wasn’t bad at this road trip shit. He had actually came prepared, unlike on most occasions. He had brought snacks, water, clean clothes, and money. That was a lot considering he could forget to put on socks on a daily basis. He was also a great company and had a good taste in music. Not that Eddie would admit any of that to his face.
In all honesty, Eddie just loved being around Richie. He was smart, funny and he made him forget about all the shit going on with his life. And most importantly he didn’t ask if he was okay.
But it was still weird. Because they were weird. They had been weird for a while. Not that anyone else could notice but Eddie knew that Richie knew that he knew.
And if it already sounded complicated, thinking about it-
Eddie rathered just listen to music and laugh at his stories with him as they drove instead of thinking about it.
If you could even call it an 'it'.
Not long after that, they arrived at Rachel, the nearest town to Area 51, hometown to less than a hundred people and the only place they could stay over the night: the little Aleinn. Richie laughed at least five times at the name before they pulled over.
Rachel was also the home of some very... interesting people. The only people around town were locals and alien enthusiasts. And they were lucky enough to share a very 90s looking room with two of them at the Aleinn. After they got their keys, Richie stayed talking to some people in the parking lot as Eddie got their things out of the car. He took a second to stare at him, though. It amazed him how Richie could really become friends with anybody. He felt like maybe he was staring too much.
Lately, every time he wasn’t thinking about his mother, or his friends non-stopping questions, he found his thoughts drifting to Richie. He would stay up at night, unable to sleep and he caught himself thinking about his tall goofy friend. He kept repeating that word as a mantra. His friend. His loud, tall, weird friend. Longtime friend. Friend.
But then Eddie would get distracted thinking about his smile. Or the way he made him laugh even when Eddie didn't feel like laughing. Or his nice arms. And lips. Then he would find his thoughts back to that night two months ago.
He shook his head and quickly closed the car.
He walked over to Richie with their things. He was smiling as he talked with a couple but when he saw Eddie his eyes got brighter in eagerness. Eddie tried not to think too much about that.
“Hey, guys this is Eddie!” He said loudly while Eddie walked toward them, “Eddie this is Matt and Laura, they just gave me a bunch of cool tips.”
“That’s nice, thanks,” he said, kind of awkwardly. He wasn’t as social as Richie, "are you guys leaving today?” He asked noticing their bags.
“Oh, yeah,” said the guy, “it’s quite nice but we wouldn’t like to stay longer than a day.”
“It was a fun little trip but, to be honest,” added Laura and looked around and lowered her voice, “there’s a lot of weird people hanging around here.”
“Yeah, you guys don’t seem like the tinfoil hat kind either,” said Richie, maybe a bit too loud.
Matt laughed, "all jokes aside, it’s a very sweet trip to do,” he linked his hand with Laura’s and she leaned her head on his shoulder.
“You guys are gonna have a nice time.”
Eddie silently panicked at their implication. Did they maybe think he and Richie were-? Had they gave them the impression? Or did Richie say something before he was there?
Before he could say anything back, Matt was already speaking.
“Oh, and you need to try, Barbara’s burgers! They are insane.”
Thirty minutes later, after they had left all their belongings back in the room, they were sitting at Barbara’s bar. She was a middle-aged woman, with big big hair and heavy in size. Eddie thought about his mom when he first saw her, but then she started talking and that flew out the window. She had that small-town charm, or maybe craziness. And because Richie just loved talking to these kinds of people they sat down in the bar so they could hear all her stories. Eddie listened to her but he just thought the whole time that he must have been in some weird reality show because that was not how people talked.
“-you boys listen to me and you listen to me good,” she kept rambling. Eddie just took another bite of his burger. He had to give it to Barbara, her food was pretty damn good, “the second you get in the 375 -BAM!- they know everything about you. They know your name, where you live, when you were born, who your folks are, e-very-thing."
Eddie was pretty intimidated by that idea, but at the same time he just really couldn’t believe much of the things that came out of this woman’s mouth.
Richie on the other hand. “Have you seen an alien, Barbara?" He asked.
“Sweetheart, that be like asking someone from Florida if they ever seen an alligator.”
Eddie kept eating in silence, deciding to bottle up his comments and opinions.
He wasn’t a complete skeptic, he knew that extraterrestrial life was more than probable. But the tales of the skinny grey humanoids that Barbara claimed to have seen were the most unlikely thing to have happened on Rachel.
“I’ll tell you what, though,” she said after finishing her whole speech about aliens, “you boys should follow the rules, ‘cause every two days someone crosses that border, and you know the sheriff hates driving out there to deal with the people that get arrested for being fools. So whenever he gets that call he stops here first, has something to eat, a drink and then drives out there. And when he gets there they be all sunburnt and dehydrated. So don’t go messin' with them out there, boys!”
Now that was an actual piece of advice and something Eddie was actually afraid of. Aliens seem like an unlike threat in Area 51. Government officials on the other hand.
They finished their meal and Barbara told them to stop by when they were back from their drive to the front gate.
“God, she was the most exquisite thing I’ve seen in my life,” commented Richie as they got in the car. He insisted driving first.
“That’s one way to put it,” Eddie replied.
Richie started the car just as Eddie checked his phone. He had a text from Bev.
Hey heard you and richie are in area 51???? Is everything ok?
Eddie tensed up again. He didn't feel like explaining but he didn't want to scare his friends either so he just sent a quick 'I’m fine' as the car left the parking lot.
“Alright, Eds,” Richie said enthusiastically getting his attention, “it’s an hour into the hot hard desert. You feel like listening to the Killers?”
Eddie stared at that crooked smile and he felt his shoulders relax again.
He smiled back at Richie, “bring it on.”
They got out back into the desert, dramatically singing as the first song started. At some point, Richie rolled his window down and really stepped on it. Eddie laughed uncontrollably as Richie put on a bad boy face and pretended he was on some sort of music video. Eddie opened his own window and felt the hot air blowing the hair out of his face.
Jesus, he hadn’t felt this good in a while.
He had missed not thinking about his life. Not worrying. Only caring about what the next song was and whether he should have a granola bar or a Snicker as a snack. He ate the Snicker and gave the granola bar to Richie.
“You need more fiber,” he teased when Richie complained.
Richie bit into it, “baby, give it to me,” he sang out with his mouth full to the tune of the song.
It almost scared him how good he felt around Richie.
They drove for about an hour until they got there. There wasn’t much to see, though. In front of them, they could see a big fence and a bunker-looking building. Eddie saw a vigilance camera pointing at their direction. There was a big sign that told them that if the went beyond that point they would be arrested and could end up paying a fee. Eddie wasn’t really thrilled about that. He wasn’t that thrilled about the place in general. He had liked the time getting there but the base itself was scary and boring at the same time. Reminded him too much about home even if it made no sense at all.
However, Richie was very excited. He got outside of the car quickly and Eddie followed him, feeling like a father running after his hyperactive child.
“No way!” Screamed Richie and turned around to look at Eddie, “it’s following me!”
“What?” Asked Eddie in confusion, his eyes narrowing as the sun hit his face.
“The camera, look at it!”
Richie then ran to the other side of the road and sure enough, the camera moved following his movements.
Okay, Eddie was officially creeped out.
“Whoo!” Yelled Richie at its direction, “you guys! We see what you’re doing!” He looked at Eddie again, “but again so do they, right?”
Eddie frowned. “Richie, I feel like this isn't fun anymore.”
He didn’t mean to sound as scared as he did and he hated how worried he sounded, but messing around with a government secret base had suddenly lost all its appeal.
Richie looked slightly taken back for a second. Eddie knew Richie, he knew he wouldn’t actually make him do something he didn’t want to do, but in these situations, Richie always wanted for everyone to have as much fun as he was having and wouldn't give up until everyone was in on the joke.
Richie’s eyes lit up and Eddie could almost see a lightbulb appear above his head.
“Do not fret, Edward!” He said in one of his voices, “I came prepared!”
Then he ran back to the car opening the door and searching frantically for something.
“Aha! Bingo!” Eddie heard from his direction.
Richie’s tall figure struggled a little getting out of the car but when he did he placed both of his elbows on the roof of the old car and flashed a big grin as he held up a small bag.
„Richie-“ he said in a warning tone as he realized the bag had three joints. He refrained from commenting on how ridiculous it was that he kept them in a bag because he was more worried about what exactly was going on in Richie’s mind. “What are you doing?”
“Peace offering.”
He then started walking towards the fence.
Eddie had reasons to panic now.
“Wow, what- wait-“ he said running after him. He stopped Richie from moving further towards the base by stepping right in front of him, his hands raised like he was trying to lull a horse or something. “Richie whatever you are thinking, I’m going ahead and telling you it's stupid.”
“What, no it's not! The aliens are gonna be totally down to chill with us now.”
He kept walking further only Eddie still followed and tried to stop him.
“No, Richie, please listen. This is dangerous, it's not a joke. This is a government base! There are no aliens looking at us from that camera!”
“Okay, then let’s just chill with the guards. Maybe they can spill out some nice details.” He said raising his eyebrows.
Eddie was quickly getting that suffocating feeling in his chest. Reasoning with Richie was like reasoning with a wall sometimes.
“What the hell, Richie? Stop this, come on-“
“Oh, great beings!” He had finally stopped walking but was now yelling towards the fence, “we bring you these humble gifts as a sign of our devotion-“
“Richie can you please-“
“We seek your wisdom, oh astral ones! We only hope you accept this offering and don’t mind getting hella high with us!”
“Richie-“ he sounded more and more frustrated.
“What, Eds?” Richie finally looked at him. He still had that grin on his face, clearly finding it entertaining. “This is gonna work! No one’s ever done this!”
“Because everyone knows it's stupid!”
“You’ll never know if you never try,” sang Richie with that mocking voice.
Eddie wasn’t a stranger to Richie’s constant teasing and jokes. Deep down he knew him well enough to know that Richie wasn’t an actual idiot, he just liked behaving like one, he loved pushing boundaries. He knew he wasn’t actually going to physically cross this one. But something snapped inside of Eddie. This was way too stupid and dangerous, even for Richie. One mistake and they could be in big trouble. Also, his stupid grin wasn’t helping Eddie trust Richie at all.
Eddie wasn’t laughing. He wasn’t thinking ‘wow, Richie you’re so funny and crazy’. He just wanted to scream.
So he did.
“Stop, Richie, this isn’t fun anymore!” He stood in his ground finally making Richie stop.
Richie seemed instantly worried but mostly confused. Sometimes he would get confused when people didn’t get his jokes.
“Eds, come on, it’s not that bad.”
“No, Richie! I’ve had it, this, whatever you think you’re doing can go wrong very quickly very fast-“
“Please,” he said in disbelief, “Eddie it's just some pot.”
“I’m not talking about that, idiot. We are on a weapons-testing base, on an airforce base, which also has a reputation of being secretive and you just wanna burst in there with three joints like that?!”
Eddie could feel his cheeks heating up with every word that came out of his mouth in that angry high-pitched squeaky voice he hated so much. He hated getting so worked up. But sometimes Richie getting stupidly defensive was worse than those things he didn't like about himself.
“Eddie come on it’s just a joke! Stop being such a mama’s boy.”
Richie snapped his mouth shut the second he said that, realizing after it had been said that he had fucked up.
Eddie stood there in raging silence. He felt his cheeks heating up, a knot on his throat and his eyes watered automatically. He hated every second of it.
“Eddie, shit, fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t-“ Richie started saying, but Eddie interrupted him.
“Give me the keys, Richie.”
“Eds-“
“Give me the damn keys, Richie, I wanna get out of here!”
Richie stared at him with a worried look, still being unable to say anything he reached inside his pocket and handed them to Eddie.
They got inside the car in silence and Eddie couldn’t get faster away from that place. He drove down the same road they had come from just minutes ago singing and laughing but now they sat down in silence and his mind wouldn’t quiet down. God, there was too much noise in there. After a few minutes of driving, he reached for the radio and turned it on. Richie was uncharastically quiet. He wasn’t even trying to apologize anymore but Eddie still felt the tension in the air. Hell, if he had had a pair of scissors he could have cut it. That sounded like a joke Richie would've liked.
Ugh, there was still too much noise.
He heard Richie shyly humming to the music. He couldn’t take the sound anymore. He turned off the radio. Richie went silent again. But Eddie could still hear his breath.
Jesus, he needed to stop.
Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.
So he stopped driving.
Richie seemed taken back as Eddie hit the breaks way harder than he should have. He turned off the ignition, had a quick fight with the seat belt that wouldn’t let go of him and finally got outside of the Falcon, slamming the door.
Having this crisis in the hot middle of the desert wasn’t exactly ideal but he got out of the car started walking away from it. He just needed to get away.
God, if he could just get away.
“Where the hell are you going?” He heard behind him. Richie had gotten out of the car and was now quickly running after him.
“I don’t know!” He shouted back but didn't turn around.
“Eddie, please! I’m sorry, okay?” Richie sounded closer to him, his voice breathless and Eddie knew he was chasing him. “I’m a dickhead, I don’t think things through and I’m insensible, just please stop-“ a hand gripped on his shoulder and Eddie finally stopped and turned around. Richie looked sad and desperate. He also looked very worried. Great, Eddie hated himself more now, “I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t that often that Richie sounded so serious about stuff. Eddie felt bad but he was still having trouble breathing. He was still suffocating from all the things in his head.
Richie stood there in front of him and he just had to look down to his feet. He couldn’t look at Richie.
Richie gave him space and they stayed silent for a few seconds.
“Look, I- I am really sorry if I hurt you,“ struggled Richie. “And you know I’m not the best with, uh, words. And when it comes to talking I know that Bev might be better. Or Bill. Or literally anyone else but-“ Richie took a sharp breath in, “I’m still worried, okay? I mean we all are, we just- I don’t want to,” he sighed again in frustration and Eddie finally looked up to him, “Jesus, Eddie are you okay?”
Now it was Eddie’s time to sigh. Not a defeated sigh, not a small one, but offended. Almost like a scoff.
“Please, Richie, not you now-“ he turned around, his feet shifting. He was uncomfortable. He didn’t feel like talking about that. Even if he was thinking about it.
“Eddie, just- You can’t keep saying that you are fine!”
Richie’s voice got louder, so he decided to get louder too.
“What’s with you guys? Can I get one day without that stupid question?
“But we know that you are not okay! And you have the right not to be just please say something!”
“Why are you asking now, Richie! I just- everyone asks me and you were supposed to be the fun one, the one who doesn’t care about that, and I-“
“You think I don’t care?” Richie sounded hurt, “you think I don’t care about how you’re feeling?”
Eddie shook his head "That came out wrong, I didn’t mean-“
“This whole stupid trip, Eddie, it’s for you, okay? Because I care, because I wanted you to have one weekend thinking about aliens and government conspiracies, that shit and not about home. But it clearly fucking backfired, because here we are talking about it so can you please stop looking at me like I’m some sort of distraction from the real world and tell me if you’re okay, please?”
Eddie laughed in disbelief.
“You want me to tell you if I’m okay, Richie?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, fuck, Richie my mom is dead! Do you really think I’m okay?” He yelled.
Richie stared at him as Eddie felt that knot in his stomach feel impossibly tight but then starting to get looser. He stared at his feet, avoiding Richie’s eyes, so he couldn’t see his watering eyes.
“I’m-“ he started saying but couldn’t continue, afraid that his voice would break.
Richie walked towards him slowly, almost as if not to scare him away. Eddie could see his shoes now as he stood close to him.
“Eddie you can talk with me.”
“It’s stupid, okay? There‘s no use.“
“Why would it be stupid?”
“Because she died and I still don’t know if I’m sad or relieved,” he looked at Richie now and was a little taken back because he was standing even closer than he thought. “We weren’t exactly at the best of terms,” he let out a small sad laugh. That was an understatement, “she still felt like I had abandoned her and preferred and unhealthy life with my trash friends in California. She still thought I was sick,” he looked back at his feet, “she still believed I could take some pill and wake up straight the next day.”
“She wasn’t that much of a great lady now, was she?” Richie commented.
“Yeah, but I still feel bad about it. I still think maybe, if I was a little braver, or if I had cared more I could have made her understand. And instead, I let her die in that house alone.” He shook his head, “I didn’t even help clean the house, left all that for my aunts...”
“Eddie you can’t blame yourself about who your mom was. And you can’t blame yourself for her death either.”
“Can’t I?” He asked louder now. He felt wounded like he had been shot. How come Richie got to him to talk about this? How dare he unbury this stuff? “Because if it hadn’t been for me, her queer disappointment of a son, maybe she would still be here.”
"Eddie, don't-“
“Can we just go back now,” Eddie cut in harshly. This wound had been opened for way too long, “please I really wanna go back.”
Richie swallowed and clenched his jaw but nodded.
Two hours later Eddie found himself moping around Barbara’s bar. Richie hadn’t followed him in and God knew what the hell he was doing now. If they hadn’t already paid for the room he would have suggested to go back home. Go back to LA, not talk about their weird trip to Area 51 and pretend that everything was okay again. Sounded easy Eddie. Almost too easy. He took another sip of his rum coke because of how easy it sounded.
If he was braver he wouldn’t find it the easy way out. If he was bolder he would back to Derry and confront the house, he would admit he wasn’t okay. He would finally talk to Richie about that night before everything with his mom had gone down.
He hated being such a lightweight too, one glass en he was already buzzing. Not quite drunk but light headed.
If he was braver he would go search Richie, take him up on that joint and talk to him about the kiss.
“You want another one, sweetheart?”
He lifted his glance and saw Barbara standing on the other side of the bar.
“No, thanks. I’ll have a big glass of water, though.”
“Can’t hold your liquor, can ya?”
“No, not really.” the corner of his lip lifting up.
“Where’s glasses? You guys had fun?”
She placed the glass in front of him.
“He’s- no it wasn’t really that great.”
She hummed. “Many folks come in here, sure as hell that they gonna find the answer to the universe, just to find themselves in the middle of the desert. I’ll let you in on a secret,” she said looking around the bar, she lowered herself and looked directly into Eddie’s eyes, “if you’re not sure what you’re looking for, ya never gonna find it, kid.”
Eddie wasn’t sure what she was really talking about anymore. If it was aliens, the universe or the meaning of life. But something about her words resonated within him. And it might have been the alcohol but she was making more sense than earlier in the day.
He nodded. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sorry, sweetheart, I’m married.” She stood up again and went back to drying up the glass in her hands. He looked at her with a puzzled stare and she sighed, “it’s a joke, kid. What you need?”
He struggled with the words for a little while but finally said.
“My mom died about three months ago.”
She seemed taken back, “oh, I’m sorry about that, honey.”
“Yeah, well, we didn’t really get along but, um, I still feel pretty bad about it,” he let out a small laugh and lowered his voice, “that might be the first time I say that actually. The thing is I never really had closure with her so I don’t know if- how do I stop feeling bad?”
Barbara smiled. She had kind eyes and a soft voice when she spoke. Eddie wondered if maybe his mom could have been like her in another life.
“Sweetheart, there’s really no answer for that. I’ve only learned that if you stay with the bad thoughts you won’t enjoy life up here. Instead, you’ll be spending it in your mommas grave with her.”
He nodded slowly. Her words calming him down somehow.
“My friends ask me every day if I’m okay. Richie even brought me here to take my mind off of it.”
“Well sounds like you have nice friends there. Why don’t you spend more time then being thankful you’re still here with them?”
“It just gets annoying to tell them I’m fine every day.”
“Then stop lying to them, sweetheart. You only be foolin’ yourself.”
She smiled cheekily.
He had never thought that the words he needed to hear were going to come from an older woman in the middle of a crazy small town. But they did.
Eddie had no time to reply since a loud bang sounded somewhere in the back of the bar.
“Goddammit! Sorry, sweetheart. Duty calls,” she then left yelling “Marty, you better not be doin’ what I think you're doin’!”
Eddie left a bill under his glass and went out of the bar, looking for Richie.
The thing about the desert was that it was way too hot during the day but it got colder and colder until you were basically freezing in the night. And even though the sun was just starting to go down he could still notice the temperature difference.
He found Richie sitting in the hood of his car, looking out of the parking lot and smoking a cigarette. Eddie sneaked behind him.
“Looking edgy there,” he said walking to his side.
Richie jumped a little at the sound of his voice. He made no jokes back, giving Eddie time to tell him in what kind of mood he was.
“Can I sit down?” Eddie smiled shyly.
Richie smiled and nodded, “you know this spot is reserved only for your slutty shorts.”
Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled as he sat down.
“So,” started saying Eddie, “how long have you been sitting here?”
He mentally slapped himself for being so awkward. He knew what he wanted to say to Richie, why couldn’t he get it out?
“No, I wandered around,” Richie replied putting out his smoke and placing his hands behind his head. The sky was getting darker and pinker as the sun went slowly down. “Talked with a few people, turns out there is a back gate for the base some guys checked out.”
Eddie nodded and hummed to Richie’s words. They stayed silent. Richie seemed relaxed looking at the sky but Eddie felt so tense, their fight and his breakdown still on his mind. He just wanted to say things, but he couldn’t quite say anything at all.
Luckily Richie noticed that.
“Eds, can you stop thinking so much over there? I'm afraid smoke will start coming out of your ears.”
Eddie blushed and looked away. Richie chuckled beside him.
“I’m sorry, I’m just messing with you.”
“When aren’t you...” commented Eddie with a small laugh. He locked eyes with Richie, who was now staring at him.
The ways that Richie could get under his skin still amazed him.
He decided it was time to start talking.
“I’m not okay, Richie.”
Richie’s smile disappeared right there and he sat up straighter, realizing that they were about to have an important conversation.
“I haven’t been really honest about that, including with myself,” he continued, “my mom was... well, she wasn’t exactly good. I know that’s not my fault, that’s just how she was, but I still wished she had lived longer than she did. Long enough to understand me at least,” he sighed. “I’m sorry I keep saying that I’m fine, I just- people worrying about me... it takes me back to her, you know?”
Richie nodded, “I get it. I mean, we all know how she was. It’s just we wanna know that you are okay. That you aren’t keeping things to yourself. I’d like to know that.”
Eddie nodded. “I’m just dumb, with words, sometimes...”
“Yeah, no I mean, same here,” replied Richie with a scoff.
Eddie smiled, “I might not be okay now, Richie,” he looked at him in the eyes, “but I think I will be.”
Richie smiled back, “that’s a fucking relief to hear, Eds.”
They fell into a comfortable silence. The sky getting darker with the passing time. Eddie would have never believed Richie was able to stay that quiet and calm for so long. But Richie always found new ways to surprise him.
He shifted after a few minutes and looked back at Richie. Eddie opened his mouth but the words didn't come right away. Richie narrowed his eyes and was about to ask him what was going on but he finally chose his words.
“There is one more thing,” he hugged his legs close to his chest.
“What is it?”
Why did you kiss me that night?
“Where is this back gate?”
It was around two months ago. Ten days before he got the call informing him that Sonia Kaspbrak had been found dead in her living room. It wasn’t a surprise it was a heart attack, she didn’t have exactly the healthiest lifestyle and it had only deteriorated after he had left for college. Eddie constantly had found himself thinking she might have been right there in her favorite seat, watching soap operas when it happened. It was devastating and comforting at the same time to think about it like that.
Ten days before all those images had clouded his mind, ten days before that call, something else had happened.
Mike, Bill, and Ben had finally moved in together. They had been planning it for years now since they all had had bad relationships with their assigned roommates. The Losers had all talked about how cool it would be to share an apartment together, but the only problem was that Bev really liked living with Kay. Richie couldn’t afford it and Eddie and Stan could only stand living with each other since they had very similar cleaning habits.
But Mike, Bill, and Ben had made it. And they were so happy about their new place, everyone was because it finally meant they had made it. They were grown-ups. Or at least friends with grown-ups, so they were all grown-ups by association.
And what was the most grown-up thing to do about a new apartment? They decided to have a small cheese and wine party.
But Ben forgot to buy cheese, so Richie got them pot. Bev was in charge of the wine but decided to bring tequila instead. So they ended up having a very irresponsible night in their very new apartment.
They sat on Mike’s room which was the emptiest still since he hadn’t built any of his furniture yet, so the only things in his room were a couch, a small lamp, a desktop chair, and a bunch of boxes.
Eddie was pretty drunk when they reached one in the morning and they had just finished playing one of their infamous games of specific never have I ever, which consisted in saying things you knew someone had done to get them to drink. Since Stan was his roommate -and a fucking menace- Eddie ended up very very drunk.
He was having trouble coming up with things to say given he was having trouble talking at all. He had somehow slowly found his place between Richie and Bev on the couch, laying on top of them, his head on Richie’s lap and his legs on Bev’s.
“Okay,” he heard Beverly say, “never have I ever made out with someone at a club just to discover that their boyfriend was right there and then got punched in the face.”
Eddie laughed remembering the story. What was funnier was that both Bill and Richie had to drink.
“You dooooogs,” he slurred out.
Richie stared at him from above with this playful look in his eyes.
“Oh, really, well then never have I ever-“
“No, no, Richie,” stopped him, Mike, “we agreed Eddie isn’t having more drinks tonight.”
“What?” Asked Eddie in disbelief, it was his first time hearing about this agreement they had. Although they had said it many times. “You guys, that’s so unfair-“
“Don’t blame us,” said Bill, “blame Stan, he’s the one with all the dirt on you.”
Stan just shrugged, unbothered by the situation. The asshole.
“Okay, then,” continued Richie, “never have I ever written Beverly a poem.”
He stared at Ben with a big annoying grin.
Ben blushed. “It was a haiku,” he explained.
“Still a poem, Haystack. Drink up.”
Ben’s eyes met Beverly’s. She was smiling and blew a kiss his way. Ben only got more flushed but he smiled as he drank.
The game kept going.
Eddie’s eyes felt heavier and heavier with every word his friends spoke. He found it harder to laugh at the jokes as he slipped away from consciousness until he passed out.
When he woke up he was still drunk but not as drunk as before. The room was now in dim light and no one was there.
Well, no one besides Richie.
Eddie rubbed his eyes and shifted his position, laying on his back.
“Hi, there sleeping Beauty,” Richie sounded way too awake for Eddie’s liking. Richie was having a smoke inside Mike’s room and for a second Eddie thought Richie was going to get his ass kicked until he noticed it was actually a joint. And they had been smoking those the whole night in there.
“Where is everyone?“ his voice sounded way too raspy.
“Beverly had to go home so everyone tagged along on an adventure through the streets to get her home,” he took a drag, “well everyone but Stan who is somewhere outside talking with Patty.”
Eddie nodded relieved that Stan hadn’t left without him.
He laughed. “Whipped.”
Richie laughed too, “don’t worry I made him drink for that.”
It wasn’t Stan’s fault that his girlfriend was studying in England for the entire semester and that they could only talk at weird times with each other. But it didn’t mean that the Losers wouldn’t take the chance to make fun of him.
"Nice," Eddie smiled and stretched his arms, “what time is it?”
Richie checked his phone, “three.”
Eddie groaned, “man, maybe we should go too. Why are you so comfortable, though?”
“It’s one of my many many qualities as a lover, Edward.”
“Pff, yeah right, loser.”
“You’re meaner when you’re drunk, Eds,” Richie didn’t look offended he just looked amused. Eddie started feeling something strange in his stomach as he prolonged the eye contact.
“I’m always mean. I’m a mean gay.”
That made Richie laugh. “Yeah, but it’s another kind of mean. You’re also cuddlier.”
Eddie realized that Richie was stroking his hair. He hadn’t meant to lean into the touch but there he was.
"Hey," Richie raised his eyebrows, letting Eddie know that he had his attention, "what where you going to say earlier? In the game?"
"Are you gonna drink to it?"
"Come on, tell me," Eddie whined.
"Okay, fine, you spoiled brat," Richie laughed, "I was going to diss you on how you haven't hooked up with anyone in like seven months."
Eddie slapped him playfully in the chest. He couldn't help his smile, although he was a little offended, "fuck off, it's only been like three."
"I don't know, I have never seen you without a boy-toy before. I'm kind of worried you might become a nun."
"Well, I rather become a nun than being a slut like you."
“You see, you’re so mean!” Richie said with a grin in his mouth.
“Shut up, I’m not!” He said covering his face.
“Aww, did I make feel bad now, Eds?”
Richie’s hands left his hair and grabbed his wrists, playfully trying to pull them away from Eddie’s face.
“Don’t call me that,” muffled Eddie between his hands as he fought against Richie’s hands.
“Come on, I know you love it. Eds, Eds, Eds,”
“If you say it one more time, Richard,” he warned.
Richie had managed to uncover Eddie’s face so they were now staring at each other. His big hands were still wrapped around his wrists but Eddie kept pushing and fighting against Richie’s teasing touch so that his head was no longer in Richie’s lap but he was sitting up.
“You’re gonna what then, huh?” He asked with that stupid big grin on his face and Eddie felt deeply annoyed and strangely attracted to it.
“Or else I’m gonna have to-“
And then Richie started tickling his sides and all that he managed to get out of his mouth was uncontrolled laughter and pleas.
“You’re gonna what then, Eds-“ Richie kept saying as Eddie wiggled around trying to free himself from the stupid situation.
“Richie, stop, please- I give up okay, I- stop-“ he said between laughs and then to his surprise Richie did stop.
He was also laughing, not from the physical stimulation like Eddie was but he just kept smiling at him. Eddie let out a couple of breathless pants as he recovered from the tickles.
“You asshole,” he laughed.
How much time had his face been so close to Richie’s? And why were Richie’s hands still holding on to his sides? He realized all of these things way too late. Instead, he just kept smiling and looking at Richie. From this distance, he could see his brown eyes and his big smile perfectly. And Richie could probably see all his freckles. They slowly fell into silence.
Richie was still smiling at him, but it was another type of smile, not his teasing one, rather a warm one. A smile Eddie had only caught a few times before.
One of Richie’s hands traveled to Eddie’s face, carefully putting a string of hair behind his ear.
Eddie felt electrified to the touch. He looked down at Richie’s mouth. Trashmouth. He knew Richie had a big mouth but he had never realized how full it was. His eyes went back to Richie’s and he found the other boy staring at him.
“Eds-“
Richie wasn’t able to finish whatever he was going to say, because in a second Eddie’s hand had cupped the side of Richie’s face and closed the gap between them. Kissing Richie was something so new, so unexpected, yet it felt so familiar and normal that Eddie could only think God, what took me so long?
Richie let out a shaky breath through his nose when Eddie’s lips connected with his. His big hands were now on Eddie’s hips and back, pulling him closer and closer to his body.
The first kiss was small, timid and slow. Eddie’s lips parted letting Richie apply a soft pressure. The first kiss also seemed to last forever and nothing at the same time. Eddie opened his eyes slowly as he felt Richie pull away.
In a normal situation, he would already have had about a thousand panic attacks and insecurities flowing through his head. But this time, he just opened his eyes to stare at Richie, his hand still on his cheek, lips still parted. Richie looked at him as if he weren’t real. Like he was a mirage in that dark room.
For a small second, Eddie thought that was that. That they would start laughing any second now about how dumb and drunk they were.
But the joke never came.
Instead, Richie kissed him again.
And the second kiss was different. There was no need to slow down, to discover the mouth they were kissing. Richie‘s lips attached to his, his hands grasped his hips tighter as he devoured Eddie. Eddie reciprocated just as wildly. He sat up so that he was at the same level as Richie and moved his hands to Richie‘s hair, running his fingers through the long wild curls.
He felt Richie flick his tongue inside his mouth and Eddie let out a small sigh out. All those times Richie bragged about being a good kisser and everyone including Eddie had laughed, unbelieving that Richie‘s mouth could do something other than talk trash, do weird voices and smoke weed.
Eddie was still having a hard time believing it and he had been kissing Richie for a while now.
He accidentally tugged on Richie‘s hair, who immediately let out a sharp hiss interrupting their kiss.
“Sorry,” whispered Eddie.
“Don’t be.”
Eddie had no time to think about how hot Richie sounded against his lips since in no time Richie was on his mouth again. One of Richie’s hands snaked through Eddie’s thighs. He caressed the skin there, not moving further. Eddie could feel his pants get tighter. Fuck, no surprise that Richie would also be this kind of tease.
He bit Richie’s bottom lip in response. Richie groaned and Eddie smiled against his lips.
Gotcha, he thought.
Richie’s hands moved quickly to the back of his knees and Eddie knew where this was going, so he started following Richie’s movements. He was halfway to straddle Richie when they heard the clear sound of their drunk friends coming back home.
And suddenly reality hit them.
Eddie found himself in his knees about to be on top of his best friend. Richie stared at him with that same wide-eyed look. Neither of them knowing what had happened or what to do next.
Should they stop? Acknowledge it? Get as far away from each other as possible? Where would this have gone to, had their friends not come back home?
Steps came closer to the door and there wasn’t more time to think about it so Eddie was the first one to move, quickly standing up. Richie had no time to react but stayed on the couch when Mike opened the door to his room.
“Eddie! You’re back on your feet!” Bill cheered entering the room.
He was still trying to process everything that had happened before so he had trouble searching for the right words. It was just difficult finding them while he could still feel Richie on his lips and his body still was on fire.
To his surprise, Richie answered for him.
“Are you guys drunker than when you left?”
Eddie felt incredibly grateful with Richie as he changed the topic from him to their friends. But he did wonder how could Richie seem so calmed as if his hands hadn’t been on his hips seconds ago.
“We might have had few more drinks in Bev’s place,” shrugged Mike, “and now I’m gonna kick you guys out ‘cause I wanna pass out on my couch.”
“Aw, common, Mikey! Things are getting good. You guys are drunk, I’m high and Eddie is back from the shadow realm, we should keep going!”
Richie flashed a grin at Eddie’s direction. Eddie looked for any kind of hint of uneasiness in him, any subtle flinch in his eyes that could tell him that Richie was also having trouble believing what had just happened. But he found nothing.
Eddie let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
Bill and Mike were convinced easy enough and they were totally down with keeping the party going but then the voice of reason walked in the room.
“What are you dumbasses doing?” Stan said stopping Bill from pouring himself another drink, “this night is done, or do I need to remind you that most people here have to work tomorrow?”
All of them groaned loudly.
“Staniel, you party pooper.”
But just as easily as they were convinced to keep going they stopped. Mike was the first one to lay down on the couch and pass out.
“Eddie,” said Stan, “are you ready to go?”
Eddie’s eyes lingered a little too long on Richie, who was making himself a bed in the floor, too lazy to go back home. Their eyes connected and Richie smiled at him. A friendly smile. Not the nice warm one he had when he had kissed him.
Like nothing had happened.
So Eddie figured it was just that. Nothing.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
The drive to the back gate was longer and creepier than the one to the front gate of Area 51. For one they needed to leave the main road and drive a few miles on a dirt road. The road was also filled with rabbits and every time they were caught by the lights of Richie’s car they would either run away from the car o in front of it. Two out of three times it was in front of it and Richie struggled with the brakes and steering wheel trying not to hit any of them.
The sun had set a while ago and it got gradually darker and darker. It was creepy alright. And still, Richie hadn’t questioned his desire to drive out there. It surprised him how after everything Richie was still there. He wasn’t only thinking about their fight before, but in general, how could Richie still feel like getting out there with him, no questions asked?
Eddie smiled as he stared at him.
“According to this we should be there in a few minutes,” said Richie after checking his GPS. “You ready for your first encounter of the third type, Eds?”
“You say that like you’ve already had yours.”
“I am not allowed to talk about it, Eds. Be careful, they might be hearing.”
Eddie smiled and looked at the road. It hadn’t gotten any less creepy out there, but inside he felt safe.
“Richie-”
“Sorry,” he started saying before Eddie could say anything else, “we can go back still-“
“No, it’s not that, I just...”
“What’s wrong?”
Eddie took a deep breath in.
Here goes nothing, he thought.
“Why did you kiss me that night on Mike’s couch?”
Richie went very still and tense in a second, his eyes glued to the road. He took a few seconds but it was okay, Eddie knew that if he were in Richie’s shoes it might have taken him an hour or more to say anything.
“Umm,” finally came out of his mouth, “you mean, why did you kiss me that night in Mike’s couch?”
Eddie’s cheeks were on fire in a second and Richie’s stupid teasing smile wasn’t helping much.
“Shut up,” he said trying to suppress the smile on his lips, “you know what I mean.”
Richie laughed nervously. Maybe this was as embarrassing for him as it was for Eddie.
“Why did I kiss you- that’s a good question, Eds. One that has many many answers too.”
“Then give me your top three.”
Richie’s eyes drifted to him a couple times. A playful smile on his lips and fake confidence. He took a breath in.
“Okay,” he started, “number three, I don’t want it to sound wrong so I’ll just say that many times when one is... intoxicated, per se, you have more confidence to do things.”
“Things... you might want to do sober?”
Richie cleared his throat. “Yeah...”
Eddie felt his heart up in his throat. He nodded, “okay, number two?”
“Number two was- well are, your dumb doe eyes.”
Eddie laughed, “what?”
“Yeah, I know it’s weird but- yeah, you looking me with those big eyes, laying on my lap. It’s a solid reason.”
“So, my eyes? Okay, what else then?”
Richie struggled the most voicing the last one.
“Reason tres is that I’ve always wanted to know how it was like.”
Eddie was confused. “What- with like a friend or...?”
Richie smiled, “no, Eddie. How it was like kissing you.”
The blush came back to Eddie’s cheeks and he was very thankful that it was dark and Richie had to pay attention to the road so he couldn’t see him.
“Oh,” he said, trying to regain some composure. “Then, why wouldn’t you say anything later?”
Richie sighed, “you know I suck at words. I was trying to build up the courage to say something about it but then... your mom,” Eddie nodded, “I just didn’t want to give you more stuff to deal with.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” they fell into a small silence that was quickly cut by Richie, “so why didn’t you? You know, say anything later?”
“I- it’s just you seemed so calm after. Not even like the weeks to come, like right when the guys came back. So I just thought it had been, like, I don’t know some impulse of the moment.”
Richie was silent as he took Eddie’s words in.
“Why did you kiss me that night, Eddie?”
Eddie puffed out a laugh. “I guess that, of all the reasons going through my head, the main one is that I really really wanted to.”
Richie just nodded but Eddie could feel the inevitable question pop up in both of their heads.
Do you still want to?
But instead of asking Richie just said, “we are here.”
Eddie looked back at the road and sure enough, they were there. The front gate was hardly as creepy as this. There was a big wired fence and one couldn’t really see anything other than it since the whole thing was lit up only by one light pole and red blinking lights up ahead. Similar signs as in the front gate could be seen, warning them not to come one inch closer to the base.
Eddie gulped.
“We can go back, Eddie," he heard Richie say behind him.
He stared ahead at the ominous presence that came off of that place. He thought of his mother.
“No,” he unbuckled, “there’s something I have to do.”
He opened the door of the Falcon and got out. He stood right in front of the limit and stared at the fence. Vigilance cameras on him. The cold desert night hit his skin, he hadn’t been smart enough to change out of his shorts and had barely remembered to put on a jacket.
Richie walked over to him, hands on his pocket as he stared expectantly. It was dead silent. Eddie thought that if he paid enough attention he would be able to hear a scorpion killing its prey.
“Eddie, what are you doing?” Richie wasn’t being judgemental, he never was. He wasn’t amused by Eddie’s actions either. He was just... waiting. Next to him.
“I have something to say.”
Richie said nothing more and just waited until Eddie built up the courage to start speaking. But then he started shouting at the gate.
“Hey, um, aliens,” he yelled at the fence, “or government officials, or whoever is listening. My name is Eddie, but you probably know that...”
“Eddie, what-“ Richie sounded amused now.
“You see I have many friends. And they are all great. One of them is actually here with me, but you probably know that too...”
After a short silence, Eddie gave Richie a look.
“Oh! Uh,” he shifted in his feet, “hi, I’m Richie!” He yelled back at the fence.
“Richie is a good friend,” Eddie continued yelling, “my friends are really worried because my mother just recently passed! And I’m not that good with emotions but today I realized that she might be dead,” he took a deep breath in and then added louder than before, “but I’m alive!”
Richie stared at him, sparks in his eyes.
“I’m alive and I wanna feel everything! I'm ready to feel it too! I’m alive and I’m not scared of her anymore!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.
Eddie felt a little silly after a few seconds of silence went by but then Richie surprised him.
“Do you hear that, aliens!” He shouted even louder, “Eddie is here! And he is alive! And you can’t get rid of him! Whoo!”
Eddie smiled wide, shivering by the cold but mostly because of how thrilled he was.
“I’m here!” He screamed louder, leveling Richie’s enthusiasm.
“He’s here!”
“Fuck yes! I’m here!”
Their voices got even louder.
“He’s here, goddammit, you hear that!?”
“I’M ALIVE!”
His last scream dragged out longer than any of the rest, he heard Richie laugh next to him and then suddenly all the lights went out. Only red blinking lights in front of them and the night sky above, which looked amazing in the pure darkness of the desert. However, they didn't discover that since as soon as the lights went out Richie let out a quick 'fuck' and they started running back to the car. Eddie was definitely scared out of his mind but somehow he still had a smile on his face.
Richie struggled to turn on his old car, so Eddie just kept going, “fuck, fuck, fuck come one, Richie!”
He finally managed to get it going and he hit the gas as soon as the motor roared to life. Adrenaline pumped through their veins and Eddie was so frightened but so so excited. He kept looking back, worried that someone from the base might have followed them but it was pitch black outside. That still didn’t stop Richie from driving as fast as he could.
Richie was laughing maniacally, both hands on the steering wheel. His laughter was contagious and in a few moments, Eddie found himself curling up in laughter.
Eddie wasn't sure how many miles they drove until Richie finally slowed down. Richie kept driving further away from the base as Eddie’s laughter finally died down.
“You think we’re in trouble?” Eddie asked his stomach sore from laughing.
“I’m pretty sure that they just wanted to scare us off.”
“Well, it fucking worked!”
Richie laughed more, “man, what the hell was that back there?”
“What?”
Eddie looked at Richie, he had this big smile on his face that had Eddie feeling more than soreness in his stomach.
“That whole 'I’m alive' thing, man? That was like straight out of a movie.”
“Just felt like telling someone.”
“Well, they heard you, Eds. They really did.”
“Who the government or the aliens?”
“Both! I don’t know, Eds, whoever you prefer it was just fucking-“ Richie hit the steering wheel with his hands laughing, “fuck, I can’t even believe you're real!”
Eddie laughed. His eyes never leaving Richie. The way he would hold on to the wheel, how he could see the spark on his eyes even through the glasses, and how he hadn’t stopped smiling for one second. Eddie's heart beat faster.
“Richie, stop the car,” he heard himself say before he could even process his thoughts.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just stop the car, please.”
Richie seemed confused but did so. He pulled over to the side of the road. He gave Eddie a worried look. Eddie took his buckle off, moving slowly, almost meticulously.
“Are you okay?”
Eddie didn’t even notice the question this time. Maybe because he already felt better, or maybe because he was thinking of something else. Richie could really use a hint sometimes.
“I’m great.”
He reached over to the driver seat. His hands found Richie’s neck and they stayed there as he connected his lips with Richie’s.
Richie seemed startled at first but it didn’t take him long to kiss back. His hands moved quickly to cup Eddie’s face and right there where his fingertips met his skin, Eddie was on fire. It wasn’t a slow and steady kiss, they were picking up right where they had left off two months ago in Mike’s couch.
Eddie’s hands roamed from Richie’s neck to his hair to the hem of his shirt, grasping and touching, his blood rushing to his cheeks, warming him up and his breath unsteady. Richie kept moving his lips hungrily, almost devouring him. He had never felt like that before. So alive.
He wasn‘t sure how they managed to slip all the way to the back seat. In his euphoric state, all he could make out was Richie saying something like “in the back” and then kind of crawling out of his seat. He didn’t even get the chance to get comfortable before Richie was back on his lips. In any other situation, it would have felt like a weird and clumsy thing to do. With anyone else, it would have felt like that. But with Richie, he just felt hot. Like they were suddenly seventeen again and had just discovered the magic of making out in a car was.
Eddie pushed Richie into the seat, making him sit up straight as he positioned himself over his lap. In the back of his mind, he kept expecting for something to come interrupt them at that moment but he quieted every uneasiness quick as he remembered that they were in the absolute middle of nowhere.
His thighs felt rough there were they rubbed against Richie’s jeans but he shivered as the other boy ran his hands up his legs. Eddie hadn’t even noticed how cold his thighs were until he felt Richie’s warm touch on them. His hands moving from his legs to his ass. Eddie let out a small gasp and Richie was quick to silence him between kisses.
He let his hands travel from Richie’s shirt to his hair again, remembering the reaction he had gotten out of him when he had tugged on it. Richie let out a sharp breath as he did, his fingernails digging into his thighs.
“Jesus, Eds,” he groaned.
“Do you still want to?” Asked Eddie as he kissed Richie’s neck.
Richie puffed out a small laugh.
“Would I be here if I didn’t.”
Eddie stopped kissing him and stared at him in the eyes.
“I need to know, Richie. I don’t wanna have two more months where we don’t talk about it.”
Richie cupped his face again, “Eds, I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you.”
Eddie smiled. “You once said that about a bouncy ball.”
“Yeah, but this time is true,” his eyes focused on Eddie’s lips, their foreheads touching, “it’s so true.”
Richie attached their lips back together and Eddie gave in to his instincts now that his mind was at ease. Richie’s hands traveled down his body, from his back, his sides, his hips, his ass. Eddie could already feel himself growing harder inside his shorts. Eddie’s hands quickly left Richie’s hair and got between their bodies, one hand lifting Richie’s shirt and trying to unbuckle his pants.
Richie smiled against his lips, “eager much?”
“Shut the fuck up,” came out of Eddie as an automatic response. He couldn’t count how many times a week he would say that to Richie, he had never thought it would be in this context, though.
Richie laughed against his lips and decided to help him undo his pants. He shivered as Eddie’s cold hand grazed the warm skin of his stomach.
“Is this okay?” Asked Eddie.
Richie smiled and kissed him again.
“Yeah, it’s good.”
Eddie managed to slip his hand inside Richie’s boxers. Richie let out a sharp breath against his mouth to the cold touch.
“Damn, Eds,” he whispered smiling, his grasp tightening on Eddie's ass. Eddie let out a small gasp, “the things I wanna do to you.”
Eddie’s hand started stroking Richie up and down. Richie threw his head back and he took the chance to kiss his jawline and neck.
“Do them.”
Richie smiled and grabbed Eddie’s ass a little harder.
“Babe, if I had known this was going to happen I would have come prepared but unfortunately I didn’t.”
Eddie stopped moving his hand as he locked eyes with Richie in the dark. Richie stared back turned on and expecting.
“Then tell me.”
Richie groaned and started kissing him again.
Eddie knew he was never going to hear the end of it. Especially since he would always be the one telling Richie he talked too much. He could only imagine how Richie was going to tease him for telling him to actually talk during this.
“Well,” he started saying, his hands briefly leaving Eddie’s ass so he could start undoing his shorts. Eddie was surprised at the loud gasp that came out of his throat the second Richie’s hand started moving on his erection. His hips instantly moving with Richie’s hand, “if I had you back home in my bed, it would start just like this, because I love when you’re on top of me.”
Eddie was trying to keep the noises inside his mouth, so he struggled to say, “ as I would enter the biohazard of your room.”
Richie laughed and Eddie wanted to focus on Richie’s smile instead on the way his hand moved way too slowly up and down.
“You’ll find out I can be very persuasive.”
“Yeah?”
Richie’s thumb moved slowly on the tip of his cock and Eddie couldn’t hold back the moan that came out of his mouth.
“Yeah,” he said with a hoarse voice.
Eddie decided to start moving his hand again on Richie’s cock, trying to mimic the way Richie was touching him. “Keep going,” he breathed.
Richie’s smile grew. His free hand going back to Eddie’s ass.
“I would finger you until you were begging, get you all nice and open for me.”
Eddie threw his head back, Richie kissed his neck bruisingly. Richie’s words were having too much impact on him, electrifying him. He kissed Richie hungrily, his hand moving faster down Richie’s cock. The pre-come on Richie’s dick telling him he was having a similar effect on his friend.
“I bet you look so good getting fucked,”
“Fuck, Richie,” he groaned.
He could feel himself getting closer and closer but Richie kept moving his hand at a steady pace. And he kept whispering dirty things into his ear. Eddie wasn't sure how much longer he could last.
“Would you like that?” Richie asked, his hand moving slightly faster.
Eddie could feel himself getting flush, even more than before. He had no problem listening to Richie saying those things to him, but saying them back was a whole different thing for him. He wanted to but there was a nagging voice in his head reminding him to be clean. To be good.
Suddenly Richie was knocking his hand away from his erection. Eddie was confused at first but when Richie took both of their cocks into his hand Eddie almost came right there.
“Tell me, baby,” Richie whispered in his ear.
Eddie rested his forehead on Richie’s shoulder, his free hands now tugging again at Richie’s hair.
God, he was so close.
“You’re so good, come on,” Richie groaned and sucked on his neck.
That did it for him.
“Yes, fuck, Richie, yes-“ he moaned.
Richie silenced him with a kiss. It felt needy, dangerous and desperate. But it mostly felt good. So good. Better than with anyone he had been before.
So Eddie let go.
His orgasm washed over him, his head sweating as the shockwaves flowed through his body. And maybe it was because he was too close from the roof of the Falcon but he just felt close to the sky. Like he was up there with the stars and the moon.
Richie kept moving his hand, helping Eddie come down and getting himself to come too. Richie bit down his lip and let out a loud groan when he finally did. Eddie kept kissing him through it all, his hands still tangled in the mess that was now his hair.
After a few minutes of kissing Eddie flinched when he started to feel the mess they had made in their hands and stomachs cooling down.
“Richie, nothing against your dry come but this is getting kind of disgusting.”
“Fuck- yeah, wait a minute.”
Eddie got out of Richie’s lap so he could reach back into the front of the car. He got out of the glove compartment a bunch of baby wipes. He handed one to Eddie, who was relieved to finally clean himself.
Eddie laughed. “I’m impressed you are actually prepared for this.”
“Yeah, way too many Chipotle accidents in this car not to keep these around.”
Eddie shook his head in disbelief, “how am I attracted to you?”
“You are?” Asked Richie with a wide grin.
Eddie felt himself blush again. He felt pretty dumb considering his hand had been just down Richie’s pants and now he was blushing over something as small as Richie asking him if he was attracted to him.
“Yeah, I- I am.”
Richie smiled and leaned over kissing Eddie again. This time softly and slowly.
Eddie kissed back and it felt... nice.
“Pretty cool that I can do that now,” Richie said, his thumb caressing Eddie’s cheek.
“Yeah,” he smiled, “I like it too."
The sun was shining and they were already on their way back home. They had managed to get their hands off of each other and drive back to Rachel during the night. That night they had gotten into separate beds. In the morning they had breakfast together, checked out of the little Aleinn, said their goodbyes to Barbara and finally made it out into the road.
The stereo was playing loud music, Richie was doing voices and making fun of pretty much everything, and Eddie, as usual, was rolling his eyes at his words while failing to fight the smile on his lips.
Everything was pretty much the same but it was also completely different.
“Hey,” he said after Richie was done making fun of the people of Rachel, “so when we get back, what are we telling the rest?”
Richie stared blankly ahead, “I don’t know... what do you want to tell them?”
Eddie stared at their hands, which had been intertwined pretty much since the beginning of the ride.
Eddie smiled, “I say we should take it easy. We should see where this is going before telling anyone else.”
Richie whistled, “Eddie Spaghetti, did you just actually say we should take it easy? Is it really you?”
“Yup, it’s really me. Get used to it.”
Richie smiled, his thumb rubbing Eddie’s hand, “alright then.”
Eddie stared at the road ahead. His life wasn’t magically all better now. He was still struggling, but he felt much lighter than when he first arrived at the desert. It was gonna take him some time to be really okay, but he was getting there.
He just hoped that the government had gotten the message. Or the aliens. Or whoever.
At least Richie had gotten it.
“So,” Richie interrupted his thoughts. He had a shit eating grin on his face and Eddie knew he wasn’t going to like whatever came next “you like my dirty talk, huh, Eds?”
Eddie groaned.
God, he was just going to have to live with this from now on, wasn’t he?
Somehow that didn't seem so bad.