hermacology



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  1. Summary

    A series of Ilya and Shane struggling to get people to take their relationship reveals very seriously at all.

    The fics in this series are set in the same universe, so these are the SAME Shane and Ilya. Although they can be read in any order, Totally Real Canadian Boyfriend™️ takes place roughly 5 years before Pour Decisions.

    Words:
    24,758
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    804
  2. Words:
    221,387
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    361

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark *

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    If Ilya Rozanov was set to be branded for life in the space above his butt crack, he was damn well going to pay a premium for it.

    Booking with one of the most exclusive tattoo studios in North America was the easy bit.

    Having his brain melted into oblivion by Shane Hollander’s steady hands and even steadier voice was decidedly not part of the plan.

    Or, the one where tattoo artist Shane is very good at giving instructions.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,778
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    962
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    11,943
    Bookmarks:
    3,328
    Hits:
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    03 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    It doesn’t take Ilya long; he was worked up already. And the knowledge that this is the bot that so often bested him on the ice, about whom a commentator once said “matches Rozanov in everything and beats him with the cool head advantage,” makes everything hotter. His supplication for Ilya. Taking orders. Ilya always thought sex with a robot would feel like that in a cold, abject way. He likes push and pull with girls especially, he likes when they obviously want it. But the bot – Shane – does suck dick like he wants it; like he needs it, really.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,862
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    154
    Kudos:
    634
    Bookmarks:
    241
    Hits:
    6,893

    17 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    “We could’ve had everything,” Shane admitted softly.

    The confession hurt more than he expected.

    “A real relationship. A family. A future.” His eyes drifted toward the planes outside again before he exhaled slowly. “But dreams eventually end.” A small, tired smile pulled at his mouth. “And this is me waking up.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,817
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    1,342
    Kudos:
    4,532
    Bookmarks:
    1,507
    Hits:
    77,387

    09 Jun 2026

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    The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

    -
    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,785
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    1,806
    Kudos:
    6,634
    Bookmarks:
    2,521
    Hits:
    166,371

    23 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “What videos, Ilya?” David asked, his tone laced with concern, but Ilya couldn’t deal with that right now. He was never putting his phone on Do Not Disturb again.

    He had more notifications than when he’d checked it at the gym. Transactions made with the card from their shared account, alerts to change Shane's email passwords. Shit, shit, shit.

    “Ilya…” David said again, more demanding this time, making him finally look up.

    Videos of us that are going to make you look at me differently. Videos that might make you hate me. Videos that could ruin everything.

    His throat went dry.

    And maybe… send me to prison.

     

    or When Shane’s phone is stolen and he ends up in the hospital, Ilya has to deal with his severely injured husband, and with videos that could leak and change their lives forever. The video Pike had accidentally leaked years ago would be child’s play in comparison.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    49,950
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    408
    Kudos:
    1,896
    Bookmarks:
    561
    Hits:
    47,807

    21 May 2026