Chapter Text
It wasn’t like Giyuu wanted to feel like this. He really didn’t want to feel like this.
His parents had died years ago—he just assumed his sister had gotten over it. In reality, she had only gotten better at hiding it.
Giyuu had found her when he was 8, the pill bottle scattered on the floor, and the shallow breathing she produced. He had begged her to survive in such a pathetic voice. All he could do was beg, for, he was only 8. He really was weak and pathetic. She had survived that time due to Giyuu finding her.
This time, he wasn’t so lucky.
It’s been 10 years since their parents died, but Giyuu had come home and found her dead, hanging from the ceiling. It had been so silent as he shuffled into the house. It wasn’t unusual, but it felt eerier than usual. Giyuu felt a pit form in his stomach. He called out his sister’s name.
“Tsutako?”
Once.
“Tsutako!?”
Twice.
“Tsutako!”
A third time.
Frantically, he rushed to Tsutako’s room.
The feelings he felt in that moment was indescribable. His eyes widened, and before he realized it, tears streamed down his face. Tiny droplets painted his face. A second passed, then another. He was quiet before letting out a scream. He felt helpless in that moment—he still feels helpless.
Her lifeless body hung there, swaying back and forth. He tried to save her, but deep down he knew his efforts were useless.
The funeral had commenced, and life continued. Days were quieter now. No more laughs and giggles. No more late night chats. No more of her delicious cooking. Giyuu thought he was alone before, but at least he had Tsutako. Now, he was truly alone. He had no one. He couldn’t save her. He wasn’t enough for her to want to keep living.
He wasn’t enough.
Most days he spent his time sitting in his barren home. They didn’t have much before, and now he has even less now. He had sold everything for money. Now his home didn’t feel much like a home anymore.
But it wasn’t ever the furniture that made it feel like home.
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A month had passed since Tsutako’s death. Giyuu had really been thinking about it. He had so much time to, of course. No laughs filled the room, no warmth, no Tsutako.
He had come to a conclusion. He was going to do it. He didn’t have anybody. Who would care?
He roamed around the house, taking in all the smells and sights. Giyuu remembered all the times with Tsutako. All the giggles and movie nights they shared. How she had taken care of him after their parents died. How she hid her struggles so well—for his sake. Giyuu could feel the tears forming and he hated himself for it. He was weak and worthless. He hadn’t saved her, hadn’t protected her. How dare he cry when he was so pathetic? The world in front of him became blurry and he could feel his breathing quicken up. It was odd. He hadn’t cried this much at the funeral. He hadn’t even processed all the emotions, what was actually happening around him.
He stumbled, feeling his body go weak. The grief catching up to him. His body rejected his weight, and he fell on the floor. He hadn’t really been taking care of himself properly. He didn’t have the energy to. But now, all that neglect was catching up to him.
He groaned, trying to get up and crawl to the bathroom. How pathetic and weak. All he could think about was how weak he was. How he deserved nothing more than just to die.
He really wanted to die.
Crawling to the bathroom, Giyuu pushed the door open. He used the sink to stand up, cringing at his own reflection. He was thinner and paler. His lips parched and his eyes sunken. His cheek bones were hollow and his hair tangled. He couldn’t believe he was the same person from a month ago.
Giyuu’s hands shook as he reached for a bottle of pills. Benadryl. He knew they would do the job. They were Tsutako’s. For her allergies in the spring. They hadn’t been touched in ages. They wouldn’t be touched again after this.
His hands fumbled to open the bottle, downing a handful of the pink little pills. More and more until they were all gone. The room started to spin, and he panicked. He realized he was scared to die. He groaned and stumbled, trying not to fall onto the ground. He looked around, hoping to find something to help him. There was nothing. This was truly the end for him. He was going to die here, forever. At least he could be with his big sister now. As the world started to become more and more disorienting, he felt a sudden rush of peace overcome him. Maybe he really did want this. Giyuu always got what he wanted.
He felt a smile paint his face as his body gave out and he fell onto the floor with a “THUD!”