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Aziraphale waved enthusiastically to Muriel before the elevator doors shut.
He breathed deep, satisfied with his results. He turned and damn near knocked foreheads with Crowley. Aziraphale jumped backwards in surprise, falling against the elevator doors.
Crowley didn't budge, he just stood there, hands braced on either side of the elevator, watching him intensely.
Aziraphale sighed, standing upright and fixing his suit. This behavior was really getting ridiculous. Crowley had been very overdramatic since the angel's return to Earth.
Aziraphale thought that this charade ended after he offered Crowley a restful night's sleep on his favorite couch in the bookshop after he caught him asleep in the disgusting alley beside his bookshop, but oh no. That was just the beginning.
Aziraphale stared back at Crowley, delivering a dark gaze of his own, his face mere inches from his own, close enough to kiss the demon's lips and the temptation was there, no doubt, but Aziraphale's pride wouldn't allow it.
Crowley must've known the thought had crossed Aziraphale's mind, for a small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.
Aziraphale couldn't believe that this was the being he was in love with.
What an absolute pain in the ass.
"Must you stand like that?" Aziraphale snapped finally.
"Like what?" Crowley asked innocently, his weight shifting from foot to foot, causing him to near even closer, but Aziraphale backed up.
"That!" Aziraphale cried, gesturing to his gangly arms, "Are you integral to the structural support of this contraption?"
Crowley shrugged, not even bothered, "It's just how I stand."
"Well, it makes it rather difficult to share an elevator with you," Aziraphale said in a huff.
Crowley let out a low chuckle, "Oh, I'm sure that's not the only thing that makes it difficult."
Aziraphale blushed, turning his head so he didn't have to look at the demon.
"I can move, if you'd like," Crowley offered.
"No, that's quite alright."
Crowley moved anyway, and unbraced his arms and kept to the far corner, away from the angel, his hands now gripping the support rail.
"May I ask why you stand like that?"
"Just a comfort thing that's all. I don't like the descent ..." Crowley drifted off, probably realizing he was saying too much to someone who didn't deserve to hear it right now, and he shook his head, "you wouldn't understand ... And I pray that you never will..."
Aziraphale watched as Crowley stood there gripping the bar tightly behind his back, so tight his knuckles went white.
The Fall ...
Aziraphale felt sick and wanted to tell him to go back to his weird stance, but Crowley spoke up again.
"May I ask why it offends you?" Crowley sneered, copying Aziraphale's tone of voice.
"It doesn't!" Aziraphale cried, "I merely asked ..."
"Then why did you inch away from me?" Crowley asked, a sly smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "Could it be that you're ...guilty?"
"Why would I be guilty??" Aziraphale asked incredulously, "I'm not guilty! I'm just ...trying to be respectful of your personal space, that's all."
"Right, you couldn't be guilty, because that would imply that you're ...sorry?"
Aziraphale flushed, "Definitely not. In fact, you're the one who should be sorry."
"Me??" Crowley asked, livid now, nearly jumping at him but his reluctance to let go of the bar held him back.
"Yes, you!" Aziraphale replied indignantly, "I made a proposition for us to be together-"
"So did I!!" Crowley snapped, eyes blazing under his sunglasses, "I did it first, once before! And you turned me away, and I still asked you again knowing damn well you'd reject me but Hell, I knew I'd be damned if I didn't try!"
"We can't just run away, Crowley!" Aziraphale cried, "And leave this all to ruin ... I thought you loved Earth!"
"I loved you!" Crowley raged, his scowl quickly fading into a somber expression and he looked away.
The elevator fell silent, save for the humming as it continued it's descent.
Aziraphale's heart sank.
Loved? Not love?
Had he missed his chance, leaving Crowley? Was he too late?
He couldn't blame him. Crowley did just pour his heart out, more or less, and Aziraphale denied him.
But was it that easy to just fall out of love? If so, Aziraphale wasn't so sure he wanted it.
Crowley looked positively heartbroken. If that was the aftermath, too, Aziraphale wasn't so sure ... But then Crowley still felt something. Surely it wasn't too late?
Words seemed to fall short, but still, it needed to be said.
"I'm sorry."
They both said it simultaneously, Aziraphale choked it out through the preamble of tears, and Crowley muttered it ashamedly, and although it was what they both wanted to hear, neither of them felt satisfied.
So much more needed to be said. And they didn't have enough time to say it.
"I ... I care so much about you." Aziraphale offered weakly, smiling uneasily as if he was begging for forgiveness. He felt as if he was grasping at straws. He couldn't bring himself to say those three words he needed to say. It just felt so unfair. Even more now, knowing Crowley felt it in past tense.
"Nah, you don't. If you cared about me, you wouldn't have left me."
"Don't be ridiculous," Aziraphale scoffed, "You're the one who waited 6,000 years to tell me how you really felt."
"As did you! Well, you didn't tell me anything except that you wanted me to be an angel again-"
"Because you were so happy as an angel!"
"I was happy with you! All I ever wanted, all I needed in this cursed eternal life, was you!"
There it was again. The past tense.
Aziraphale looked away, trying to brush his tears away discreetly, but there was nowhere to hide, for the demon was watching him intensely from the far corner.
The elevator passed the halfway point between Heaven and Earth, and Crowley's clothing changed back to black, but the streaks in his hair remained.
They were the touches that Aziraphale made on their way up. How Crowley managed to let Aziraphale put them there in the first place was a miracle within itself.
"Allow me ..." Aziraphale offered, willing his tears away, nearing his demon friend, reaching his hands up, almost too eager to run them through his soft red curls again ...
Crowley flinched slightly, a sour look on his face that told Aziraphale he wanted so badly to swat him away but the angel also knew Crowley didn't appreciate the white streaks.
Crowley would also have to let go of the bar in order to hit him.
Aziraphale carefully took Crowley's glasses off so that he could have better access to his hair, and the demon quickly cast his gaze to the floor.
The angel folded his glasses and tucked them carefully in the front of Crowley's shirt, and went to work, taking more time than necessary in running his fingers through the demon's hair, savoring the feeling as if it would be the last time ...
He took so long that Crowley met his eyes, but quickly glanced to the elevator message, "We're nearly there ..." He mused aloud.
"Mm," Aziraphale agreed, running his fingers along the length of each side of his face at the same time, carefully gathering each white strand between his fingers. It wasn't long til he reached the tips, and, knowing Crowley didn't have a mirror, he stole a chance to do it once more, moving slower, carressing his scalp.
"What are you doing, angel?" Crowley asked, shutting his eyes with what sounded less like his usual dissatisfied groan and more like an appreciative moan.
"Just making sure I got it all," Aziraphale lied, and Crowley reached up a hand, he'd finally released his tight grasp on the handrail, and he went to clasp his wrist, probably to pull him away, but he stopped just short of touching Aziraphale, hand shaking, before he finally just let it drop.
With tears in his eyes, Crowley croaked out ...
"Would you finally love me back if I was an angel?"
Those words broke him.
Aziraphale reluctantly let his hands fell to the demon's chest. He wanted to step away from him, but he couldn't bring himself to.
Aziraphale couldn't meet his eyes, and he looked away, trying to keep from crying.
"Because I'd do that for you," Crowley continued, his own yellow eyes starting to well up with tears, "Angel, I can't bear this existence without you. If changing who I am is what it takes, then Heaven, Hell and Earth be damned, I'd change for you."
"I don't want that, dearest," Aziraphale insisted, shaking his head as he finally turned and stared into those yellow eyes he adored so much, "I just want ... I want ..."
Aziraphale trailed off, caressing Crowley's cheek with his thumb, looking to the demon's lips. The same lips that have been giving him nonstop attitude, which was justifiable, but also those same lips that had crashed against his own, desperate to convey 6,000 years of unexpressed feelings, along with those of the current situation, feelings that told him not to go, don't leave him, stay with him ...
"It's okay, angel ..." Crowley breathed, and that was all that was needed to reassure that his actions would be welcome, and he closed the gap.
Aziraphale kissed Crowley.
It was a stark contrast to the kiss Crowley had given him. Soft, tender, and careful, very careful, for this could make or break them. Aziraphale had never kissed anyone before, so naturally he had absolutely no idea what he was doing, other than what he'd witnessed throughout history and what he'd read about in books.
He leaned into him, against the railing, causing Crowley to finally let go, and his hands snaked around Aziraphale's middle, holding him closer, making the angel his new safety net.
Crowley kissed him back, slowly, cautiously, as if he'd lose him as well.
Aziraphale wanted nothing more than to convey all of his complex emotions to the demon with kisses instead of words, but they had no more time.
The elevator reached its destination and announced "Earth".
Aziraphale reluctantly broke free of Crowley as the doors opened, but he did not let go of his shoulders, and Crowley didn't let go of his waist just yet.
"I love you," Aziraphale breathed finally, and Crowley smiled, eyes shining through his tears, "I know I don't deserve your love right now, after all I've done, but ..."
"I love you too, angel," Crowley said gently, cutting him off in his ramblings as he took his hand and led him out of the elevator, "Come on, we've got a planet to save."