Chapter Text
It's been seven hours and fifteen days 🎵 since Xiao last saw Aether. He was with a tall white heared woman which he identify like an old friend of Rex Lapis. Saying he was jealous was an understandment.
Of course. Everyone on Liyue would know that the Demon Conquered got his heart conquered by a random blonde guy at that point (like dude, mf was "guarding him" the past 3 lantern rites). However if you ask him about his feelings towards the foreigner, chances are that was gonna be your last day on that planet.
At the end of the day, Xiao had a lot of "karma" accumulated within him. It was a matter of time, a really REALLY bad day to liberate it and destroy every bit of life in this country that is not named "tabitito".
Speaking of....
Xiao noticed that two new clients have entered the Wangshu Inn. Nothing out of the normal day...except one thing.
First, the traveler was there. Blond and confident as always, with the kind of smile that sways all the karma of our friend adepti out and away. The one who brings him peace on those lonely dawns. The one that shows him that maybe...just maybe...life is worth...living.
However...he was accompanied...by some random long haired girl, with a white dress and a weird bandage covering her eyes. And, for whatever reason, she emits a weird energy, the same kind of the white haired entity that was friends with Zhongli.
Xiao, seeing his chuchimurril near another girl, not any girl, someone cutter AND TALLER than him made his blood boil. He couldn't believe that his crush was cheating on him AGAIN and taking the cheat out in his own territory. Unnaceptable! The Demon Conqueror should punish this ofense with deat-BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!
Sponsors: potato
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However, before unleashing the 1st Wanshung Inn massaqueer, he had to investigate. I mean, those same feelings were felt when Zibai was there, and she was not a tread at all for the relationship between him and his life-bringer. However, given the energy emanated from that 'bitch' was kind of odd, he had to aproach this issue through another method.
Definetly not Xiao: Welcome to the Wangshu Inn Restaurant, may I take your order.
Aether: Some duplings please, add it to my account.
Columbina: Don't you think you are spending a lot already?
Aether: well, if you spend the night here and I camp outside then all of this would be cheaper
Columbina: but I want to sleep with you. Sleeping alone is scary.
(Xiao jealousy levels are at 8000)
Aether: I was joking. I'll be sleaping in the room next door.
(Xiao jealousy levels are now at 50)
Aether: If you need something just call my name.
(Never the fuck mind, Xiao jealusy levels are at over 9000)
Aether: anyway, what do you want?
Columbina: huh?
Aether: your order. You are making our litlle buttler wait. He has work to do.
(Xiao: Aether, I love you, but if you call me "litle" one more time I'll punch your face so strong we both are gonna die, you from the punch and I from the expansive wave)
Columbina: oh...ummm...bread and chai tea :D
...
a silence can be heard in the ambient
...
Xiao the little buttler: for your information, in Liyue we called the tea only "chai". There is no need to call it "chai tea".
Columbina: ... sorry
Xiao: that ok. I'll bring the order in a few minutes.
Once in the kitchen, Xiao made up his mind.
"I'M GONNA MURDER THAT BITCH"
Trying to steal HIS tabitito IN FRONT OF HIM was one thing. But calling "chai tea" to LIYUE TEA!? THAT'S A GENOVA CONVENTION CRIME IF YOU ASK HIM!
So the gremlim was about to grab his spear to star the operation "MURDERING THAT BITCH" when he realized something: if he murdered a woman, in front of his chimichurri, wouldn't that scare him and make him spend time less time with him? No, Xiao cannot live with the idea of never seeing Aether again just because he showed his true colors. He had to thing on something diferent.
He checked the kitchen. He checked the janitor room. He had an idea.
With patiente he prepared the dumplings, he cutted the bread, he prepared the "chai", and at the end of the preparation, he added five spoons of bleach to Columbina's cup. One for each of his fallen brothers and sisters.
He served the food and after wishing a good stay on the inn he left to a corner to see his plans get fruition.
Turn out the pair spent more time talking and admiring the nature than eating, so much that Xiao was half sleeping when he saw how the girl drank the whole cup in one go. Xiao was livid, his plan worked as intended. Now is a matter of time to see her strugling, malfuntioning and then, death. If Aether ask, tell him maybe she was allergic to one of chai ingredients, then accompany him to Bubu Pharmacy to see if Baizhu can save her (spoilers: he wont), and at his weakest point in his life, Xiao would finally express his true feelings and without a bitch in the way, both can finally live happy ever after...
Except that neither of those things happened because the two of them were still talking after she drank the tea and then they left to their respective rooms. Xiao was in shock. How in the name of Cloud Retainer that girl survived such letal those of bleach?
When he aproached the table, Xiao noticed that the cup was not so fully empted. It had like 100 ml of bleach in his interior. He decided to drink out of it, just to check if the dose was lethal or not. At the end of the day he was an adepti, he cant die for those means.
The background changed to a sky full of clouds, then white birds flying to the sun, followed by a cross in a orange dawn, a cascade in the middle of nature, and some gates opening in a light blue celestial background.
Xiao has made it to heaven.