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Robby hated night shifts.
He always had. The pace was horrible. An hour and a half of truly horrific injuries and illnesses - no one was going to the emergency room at 1 am for a sinus infection, especially not post-COVID, when virtual urgent care appointments were so easy to access - and then an hour of almost nothing. Robby had a hard time with the ebbs and flows. He especially had a hard time when it was relatively quiet, when there was nothing keeping him from staring at the fucking fox on the wall in pedes, fantasizing about burning the room down, about quitting his job, about saving Dr. Adamson. It put him in a horrible mood, like he wanted to crawl out of his skin.
He told exactly no one about how he felt.
He also hadn’t told anyone about that weird night three months ago that made him even more weary of night shifts, especially when he was working with Dr. Langdon.
Dr. Langdon was a resident, newly in his second year. He’d been really difficult to rein in during his intern year. He was brash and excitable and thought he knew everything about being a doctor. He was prone to arguing with his attendings, and he routinely insulted the surgeons that worked in the ER. Robby and the surgeons knew that Langdon was messing around, but it was still off-putting for someone with no medical experience to imply that he knew more than anyone else in the room.
Langdon also had a pretty classic problem: he was smart, he was incredibly attractive, and he was a few years away from really raking it in, which meant that he thought he was god’s gift to The Pitt and the world. Robby had countless conversations with Langdon over the last year about slowing down and learning his place in the hierarchy. At some point, Robby couldn’t remember when, Langdon had started sort of following him around. And at some point, Robby had started welcoming it.
So when he’d walked into the call room three months ago to see Langdon bouncing off the walls, he’d just laughed. “Everything okay in here?”
“Lena told me to come in here for a minute,” Langdon had replied, his pupils wide, his hands in his hair. “I don’t know why, I just asked who the next patient was. I gotta work, Robby. I feel like I could do anything right now. Do you need anything? Stitches, chest tubes, intubation, anything, I’m your guy.”
“Okay,” Robby’d said, smiling. “You are having an adrenaline rush.”
“What? No, I’m just on top of my game.”
“Yeah? You feel really good right now, right? Really strong? Really alert? Like you can’t sit still?”
“No. Well, I guess. I don’t know.”
“Langdon, you’re sweating. Here.” Robby had held out his hand.. “Give me your hand.”
Langdon had practically run across the room to hold his hand out to Robby.
“See?” Robby’d said, putting his palm against Langdon’s. “You’re shaking. Classic sign. Lena probably noticed and sent you in here to work some energy off.”
“How do I do that?”
“Lots of ways. Some people run. Literally just run in circles in here. Some people do push-ups. Some people… have less appropriate ways of handling the adrenaline.”
Langdon had licked his lips before asking, “Like what?”
Langdon’s hand was still in Robby’s.
“Use your imagination,” he’d responded, not pulling his hand away from Langdon’s, deliberately avoiding asking himself why. “Personally, I don’t like to think too hard about what people do in here. As for me, I find that pressure helps calm me down.”
“Pressure?”
“Yeah. Here.” Robby had put his other hand on top of Langdon’s and pressed Langdon’s palm between his hands. Langdon’s hand was thin, his fingers long. Robby’s hands totally engulfed it. It felt good, helping Langdon, having him this close, touching him.
“Feel better?” Robby had asked, mostly to stop his own train of thought.
“For sure,” Langdon had said, exhaling, pulling his hand away but not stepping away from Robby. “It makes sense. External stimuli and all that.”
“Exactly.” Robby’d hesitated, then smiled conspiratorially. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but Dr. Abbott? The only thing that helps him is hitting.”
Langdon had smirked. “Really? Someone hits him?”
“I think he comes in here and smacks himself in the face. Not a light tap either. Watch out for it. You’ll probably see him come out of here with a handprint on his cheek.”
“I bet that would work for me.”
Robby had just laughed and given Langdon a look. “Whatever floats your boat. I’ll leave you to it.”
“No,” Langdon had said. “Can you do it?”
The world stopped. Robby wanted so desperately to have misheard, but he knew he hadn’t.
He also wanted desperately to have a different reaction. But he couldn’t help that his mouth started to water.
“Um,” he’d said. “I’m not gonna hit you in the face.”
“My arm, then,” Langdon had said, holding out his forearm. “Come on, Robby, please. I need it.”
Why had Robby done it? Why had he taken Langdon’s wrist into his hand and run his fingers across the perfect pale skin of his arm? Why had he stared into Langdon’s eyes, dark with something Robby didn’t want to interpret? When Langdon had licked his lips and swallowed, why had Robby felt hungry seeing the pink of his tongue, the bob of his Adam's apple?
Why had he said “fine” and tried to laugh it off as he lightly tapped Langdon’s skin?
Robby had thought about it for months, but he didn’t know the answer. Just like he didn’t know why, when Langdon had sucked in a breath and said “Harder,” Robby obliged. Eyes on Langdon’s face, the blush spreading across his cheeks, he’d raised his hand and really smacked Langdon’s arm. And Langdon had groaned, “Fuck, again, please,” and Robby did.
He had no clue what could possibly have compelled him to murmur, “Yeah, you can take it.”
Langdon had moaned, actually moaned Robby’s name. And that had snapped him out of it.
Robby had let go of Langdon’s arm. He’d said, “I have to get back out there.” And he’d turned on his heel and left before Langdon could say anything.
Langdon had come out of the call room about five minutes later and neither of them had acknowledged that anything happened. But every time they were in each other’s orbit that night, Robby’s eyes had found Langdon’s arm, searching for proof of the exchange, and Langdon had stared at Robby, his eyes dark and pleading.
Tonight, Robby was in the call room trying to settle himself after three stabbings in a row had come through the doors.They’d worked on the victims for at least two hours, and he needed a second to breathe. But he couldn’t stop thinking about that night a few months ago, turning it over in his mind, trying to pretend that he didn’t know what it meant. It frustrated him that he felt this way. It frustrated him that every time he started to touch himself in the last three months, a flash of Langdon’s skin, pale and blushed, crossed his mind. Doctors dated all the time. Residents dated attendings. It’s not like the higher ups were thrilled when it happened, but no one was looking down on it either. And it’s not like Robby was shocked about his own interest in men. But this was different.
Langdon was young, at least ten years younger than Robby, probably closer to fifteen. He had a wife, although Robby got the sense that the marriage wasn’t the happiest. And he was so new to medicine. Robby had really become Langdon’s mentor in the last six or so months. Langdon was constantly in Robby’s space, learning, asking for more responsibility, trying to pry information about Robby’s personal life. He followed Robby’s every direction, even if he didn’t want to, even as he was being an asshole to everyone else in the room. Robby could tell that Langdon really looked up to him, really wanted to be led by him.
And the way Langdon had looked at him that night, like Robby could have done anything to him and he would be grateful for it, was too dangerous. It was too dangerous how much Robby wanted to see that look again. Jesus, why could he not just keep his head on straight?
He shifted on the couch as he felt blood rush below his waist. Wildly inconvenient. He put a hand on his torso, rubbed hard over his shirts. Pressure. He just needed pressure to keep him on earth, to keep his mind from reeling, from wandering. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the hum of the overhead lights, the uncomfortable scratch of the couch. Be here , he repeated to himself. Not in pedes in 2020. Not in this room three months ago. Not in the trauma rooms where the stabbing victims were waiting for surgery. Here. Be here. Be here. Be here.
His thoughts were interrupted by the door to the call room slamming open. “Robby,” Langdon exhaled, his voice loud.
Great.
“What?” he groaned, annoyed with Langdon and whoever told him to come in here. He opened his eyes to Langdon bouncing on his toes, arms crossed, eyes wild.
“Jesus, that was a lot, huh?” he said, clearly manic.
“Night shifts have a lot of trauma victims,” Robby said, trying to slip into mentor mode. “You learn to prepare yourself for it.”
“Collins is freaking out, I think.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s just staring at the board out there. Like she’s stuck or something. That’s crazy, isn’t it? How is she not so energized by what we just did? We saved fucking lives .”
Robby chuckled. “Yeah, we did. You sure you’re not freaking out too?”
“What?”
“You look like you’re going to shoot through the roof.”
“I’m fine.” Langdon sped to the couch and crashed next to Robby. “I think Lena must have it out for me. She’s always pushing me in here when I’m on a roll.”
“I think she’s just looking out for you.”
“Yeah, but that’s why I have you.”
“Please, do not make me responsible for your mania.”
“You wouldn’t know what to do without me,” Langdon said, laying across the couch, his head on Robby’s lap.
Robby jolted. He moved out from under Langdon and stood over him, next to the couch. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” Langdon said, chuckling. “You told me that pressure helps you calm down.”
“I am calm.”
“Are you? You seem pretty jumpy.”
“I’m your attending, Langdon. You can’t lay all over me like that.”
“Oh come on.” Langdon’s grin was conspiratorial and infuriating.
Robby pursed his lips before saying, “Come on, what?”
“We all know I’m not like the other residents. I’m your favorite.”
“Langdon.”
“There’s no harm in just admitting the truth.”
Robby knew, on some level, that the adrenaline was loosening Langdon’s lips, lowering Langdon’s inhibitions. He knew that while Langdon’s comments were wildly inappropriate, they weren’t exactly wrong. But he’d been in a foul mood all shift, and he was exhausted, and he’d been trying to hold a lot of shit in for a long time, and Langdon’s smug little grin was really rubbing Robby the wrong way. Who was he to push Robby’s buttons like this? Who was he to put words to the thing that had been following Robby like a cloud?
“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to stay in your lane,” Robby snapped. “You’re an R2. You’re not any better than anyone else here.”
Langdon sat up and scoffed. “Oh, fuck you, Robby. You’ve been in a shit mood all night and you do not need to take it out on me.”
“Like that. You can’t talk to me that way!” Robby’s voice was rising with his temper, but he was past the point of caring. “I am your boss! Show me some fucking respect!”
“Or what?” Langdon said, quiet, his eyes wide, his face shiny with a thin layer of sweat. “You gonna smack me?”
The air was sucked out of the room. “What did you say?” Robby asked through gritted teeth.
Langdon stood up, toe to toe with Robby, his breath hot against Robby’s face. Robby shut his eyes. Be here. Be here. Be here. Except “here,” this close to Langdon in a room that was not locked, was a risky place to be. He opened his eyes to see Langdon staring straight at him.
“What are you gonna do if I don’t show you respect?”
“You’re having an adrenaline high, Langdon, so I’m going to pretend that I didn’t -”
“Robby.” Langdon whined, cutting him off with a tentative hand on Robby’s bicep. “Please.”
This was so inappropriate. This was such a bad situation, and they could have just ignored it and moved on if Langdon hadn’t tested the fucking limits, if Robby had just fucking left, if Langdon wasn’t fucking begging for Robby to break the rules.
Fuck it. Maybe Langdon did need to be put in his place. Maybe he just needed to be brought back down from the adrenaline. Either way, Robby could do that. Robby wanted to do that.
He took Langdon’s face in his hands and pressed their mouths together, kissing him roughly. Langdon whimpered, wrapping his arms around Robby and taking fistfuls of his shirts. Langdon collapsed against Robby’s chest, parting his lips for Ronny’s tongue to run against his teeth and mouth. When Robby got his fill, he pulled away from Langdon, his eyes fixed on Langdon’s mouth, wet and red. He carded his fingers through Langdon’s hair, running his fingers down the back of Langdon’s head until he took a tuft of Langdon’s hair near the base of his neck into his fist.
“Robby,” Langdon breathed. “I’ve wanted -”
“No,” Robby cut him off, his voice firm. “We’re not doing that.”
Langdon nodded. Robby pulled Langdon’s hair, making the younger man hiss.
“You’ve been crossing some lines, Frank. You need to remember your place.”
“Teach me,” Langdon whimpered. He rutted against Robby. Robby could feel Langdon’s erection. He swallowed. This was only going to work if Robby stayed in control for both of them.
He let go of Langdon’s hair to push him against a wall, crowding him, pressing his body flush against Langdon’s. His own cock was getting heavy against Langdon’s hip. He pressed his lips to Langdon’s throat, and he felt Langdon’s hand on the back of his head, trying to keep him there.
“Such a little smartass,” Robby murmured against Langdon’s neck, running his tongue along a line of sweat there. He felt Langdon shudder, so weak and pliant against him.
“Sorry,” Langdon whispered. Robby didn’t know why he was apologizing - for shuddering? for being a smartass? for starting this whole thing? All Robby knew was that it felt so good to hear Langdon apologize, to see this side of him, needy and delicate.
“Good,” Robby grunted. Langdon responded by rolling his hips into Robby’s. Robby met his movements almost involuntarily. Fuck, this felt good. He would worry about the consequences later. Right now he just needed this.
He pressed his thigh between Langdon’s legs and ground against him slowly, using every ounce of his self control. “Fuck, please,” Langdon moaned.
“Such a good boy,” Robby breathed, adjusting his hips so that his cock lined up with Langdon’s. Pressure. That’s what they both needed. Robby dragged his hips against Langdon’s, faster now, harder. Langdon matched his movements, pressing his cock hard against Robby, and Robby was already dripping into his scrubs, mouthing at Langdon’s neck, feeling the vibrations of his moans.
Robby braced himself with one hand on the wall and used his other hand to grab Langdon’s ass, to pull him closer to his own body. “Oh fuck, Robby,” Langdon whimpered, his mouth against Robby’s cheek, wrapping his arms around Robby’s shoulders and bucking against him.
Robby bit down lightly on Langdon’s neck, and Langdon let out something like a sob. “You good?” Robby grunted. Langdon nodded. “Feels so… so fucking good,” Langdon breathed out.
Robby shuddered. He kissed Langdon hard, not stopping his hips, sucking Langdon’s lower lip. Anything to feel something, to feel in control, to feel like he was creating a place that only he and Langdon could access. As Langdon fucked Robby’s mouth with his tongue, desperate and wanting, Robby felt calmer than he had in weeks, even as his nerves felt like they were electrified.
He felt Langdon’s movements get jerkier, more out of time. He pulled away and laughed. “Are you gonna come?” he murmured. “Just from this? Like a fucking high schooler?”
Langdon was sweating, his cheeks pink, his lips bruised and parted as he exhaled. “Yeah, I’m sorry, oh my god, Robby…”
Robby was close too, didn’t know how much longer he would last if he kept hearing his name on Langdon’s lips, breathy and amorous, so he pressed his thumb to Langon’s mouth. Langdon sucked at it, swirling his tongue, moaning. Robby moaned too, just at the sight of Langdon undone, pressed against him, taking whatever Robby felt like giving.
Robby stilled his hips. Langdon whined and kept bucking for a few seconds, but he stopped too when Robby moved his hand off the wall and shoved it past the waistline of his scrubs. He kept his thumb in Langdon’s mouth as he got his hand around Langdon’s cock, thumbing the slit to spread the precome down his length, stroking him quickly.
Langdon gasped around Robby’s thumb at the contact, or maybe at the lines that Robby was suddenly willing to cross. Robby pulled his hand away from Langdon’s mouth and grabbed his waist. “It’s okay. It’s good,” Robby whispered, trying to assure Langdon and himself. Langdon seemed satisfied, letting his head fall back against the wall, moaning lightly.
“You look so good like this,” Robby hummed, his lips against Langdon’s ear. “So obedient, so needy. Are you like this for anyone else?”
“No,” Langdon breathed. “Just you.”
“Yeah, just me,” Robby grunted, embarrassed at how immediately Langdon’s words went to his dick. “You think you’re the star resident out there, but in here, right now, you’re mine. You’re all mine.”
“Yes, god , Robby,” and he came hard, curling into Robby, spilling into his fist, his knees giving out so that Robby had to pull his hand away from his mouth to hold him up. Robby worked him slowly through the aftershocks, holding their bodies close together, letting Langdon take his time getting catching his breath.
As soon as Langdon straightened up, Robby let go of him and held the palm of his clean hand out under Langdon’s chin.
“Spit,” he said, mostly just to see if Langdon would do it. And he did. He spit into Robby’s hand without a second of hesitation, not breaking eye contact.
Robby didn’t break eye contact either as he reached into his own scrubs to work himself, his precome combining with Langdon’s saliva in a way that felt wrong and irresponsible and good , it felt so fucking good, and Robby was coming, his eyes shut, his head against Langdon’s shoulders, hearing Langdon whisper his name over and over again.
Once he could gather himself, Robby stood up and stepped away from Langdon, who stayed pressed against the wall, looking blissful and sleepy. The space between them made Robby feel cold, almost empty, but he knew it was necessary. He knew he couldn’t stay in this moment with Langdon any longer, no matter how badly he wanted to.
“They’re going to be looking for us,” Robby said. The reality of what they had just done, the lines they had just crossed, threatened to come crashing down over his head. But try as he might, he just couldn’t find any reason to be sorry.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Langdon said, his expression changing to something that Robby did not want to interpret as disappointment. “What are we gonna do about our scrubs?”
“Shit. Uh, we’ll just have to go to the scrub exchange and hope that no one notices.” Robby knew it was a long shot that no one would notice, that no one would gossip, but he couldn’t think of any way to avoid the risk.
“Okay,” Langdon said.
“Okay.” Robby hesitated, then said, “Look, Dr. Langdon, you know that this - this doesn’t mean anything’s going on between us.”
“Yeah, absolutely.”
“You know, because I know you’re married, and -”
“I got it.”
“And I know I don’t have to tell you not to tell anyone about -”
“Jesus, Robby, I got it. Are you leaving first or am I?” Langdon rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Robby could tell he was trying to act annoyed. Robby could also tell that he was hurt.
Robby stepped closer to Langdon, cupped his face in his hands, and kissed him gently. The surge of emotion that he felt when he pressed his lips to Langdon’s was terrifying. So was the way Langdon melted against him. So was the way Robby wanted to keep him there, pressed to his chest. So he pulled away earlier than he wanted.
“I’ll go first,” Robby whispered. Langdon nodded. Robby left the room, snuck to the scrubs exchange, and slipped into the bathroom to change before going out on the floor. About fifteen minutes later a STEMI came in, and Robby and Langdon were suddenly thrown into the same room. And the shift carried on, business as usual except for the way Robby and Langdon kept swinging between avoiding eye contact and staring at each other.
Jesus, Robby hated night shifts.