Chapter Text
There was just one thing he wanted above all else, something unattainable unfortunately. Kyle Broflovski was madly, deeply in love with his best friend. His super best friend. His very, extremely straight and taken super best friend. Stan Marsh was everything he ever wanted, he was kind, selfless, and so damn loving.
Stan Marsh loved like it was his duty, he loved his mother fiercely, he adored his girlfriend like the stones she walked on turned to diamonds under her touch, and he loved his friends like the world would crumble without them. The love he gave Kyle almost hurt. The way Stan always checked in on him, always asked how his day was and listened like any of the mundane dribble was important to him. Stan cried anytime Kyle was ill enough to be put in the hospital. He gave him presents at random just because he thought of him.
Kyle was dying. Not literally, but it sure felt like it. On top of everything, how gorgeous and sweet Stan was, he was also touchy. Dishing out hello and goodbye hugs, gentle pats on the head and shoulder, physically moving Kyle out of the way without warning. Not a day passed where those forbidden hands didn't grace his skin. Of course Kyle never acted on his feelings, never voiced them. He couldn't.
He was thirteen when he realized the feelings he had for Stan weren't platonic. They had been friends since they were in diapers, he used to laugh when Stan said they were basically brothers. Since that day in eighth grade those words felt like spider bites on his heart. In no way did he look at Stan and see a brother.
It had been a normal day, they went to school and trudged through classes until finally being let free. Their whole group was going to dick around on the bike path, but Kenny got a call from his little sister and ditched. Cartman said he had a date, which was definitely a lie, and left them too. It was just the two of them, Stan showing Kyle tricks he learned on his skateboard while the redhead laughed every time he ate shit.
It was extremely normal, they often hung out one on one. It was normal until Stan did a kick flip successfully and then shot Kyle the biggest grin ever. The happiest, sweetest look ever. All teeth and excited giggles before he rolled over to Kyle and swept him up in a hug, exclaiming how he knew he could do it. Kyle's heart had started racing, his face got so hot and itchy. Everywhere they were connected felt like lava was oozing under his skin. For some strange reason his first thought was that he wanted to kiss his friend.
For all of high school Kyle kept his newfound understanding of his sexuality to himself, along with the steadily brewing crush he developed on Stan. When they went to college it was a little easier, they were in different schools and only saw each other on holidays and breaks. A few weekends here and there when they could swing it. That was when Kyle decided to come out, he even dated a few guys. None of them lived up to Stan though, so none of them stayed. Why would they when Kyle made it stupidly obvious how uninterested he was?
It was two weeks after graduating that Stan asked if they could get an apartment together in Denver. Living with Stan was probably a bad idea, but Kyle had never in his life been able to say no to him. At first he asked why him and not Wendy, the girl Stan met in college and fell head over heels for. A girl Kyle liked as a person but hated with a boiling jealous rage. Stan said Wendy liked living on her own, she was an independent woman and he supported her desire for space. Because he was perfect or whatever.
So there Kyle sat in their shared living room, they'd been living together in a simple two bedroom apartment for about six months. It was both torturous and wonderful. He got to see Stan every single day, he got to eat the delicious food Stan cooked, he even enjoyed evenings of passing out together on the couch. Unfortunately he also got to listen to Stan having sex with Wendy when she came over, Stan leaving him behind to go on dates, and most painful really was when Stan said goodnight and closed his bedroom door. They were roommates and best friends, Kyle really wanted to be okay with that. He was struggling though.
The two of them were putting their degrees to work, Stan was working as a chef in the mornings and afternoons at a nice restaurant and Kyle was working through his apprenticeship at a morgue. His father had been unbelievably pissed that he hadn't gone into law, finding wanting to be a forensic pathologist creepy. Stan had supported his goal though, which probably shouldn't have mattered more than his own father's approval. It did.
Life was fairly okay, despite the painful lump that lived in Kyle's throat half the time. His job was good, the apartment was pretty nice and cheap, he had Stan by his side. He probably could be happier, but he wasn't that sad.
It was a Monday morning, Kyle woke up at six am even though he really didn't need to be up that early. Work started at eight, it was a fifteen minute drive from the apartment. If he got up at seven he wouldn't get to say good morning to Stan though. He trudged out of his room yawning, dragging his feet to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. As his eyes landed on Stan at the counter a smile crept up on his lips.
“Good morning,” he yawned out, pawing at the coffee pot before actually picking it up. He realized once it was in his hand he hadn't gotten a mug to pour it into.
“Morning,” Stan smiled, sliding a mug across the counter to him. They held each other's gaze for a moment, content smiles shared between them before Kyle broke away to make his coffee, “I'm gonna be home late tonight, Wendy wants to see a movie after work.”
“That's nice,” Kyle kept his smile on his face even though he really wanted to frown, “what movie?”
“Some historical romance thing,” he shrugged, opening a cabinet to reveal their many boxes of cereal and granola bars. Stan had a weird habit of always buying a box at the grocery store even if they had plenty at home already. Kyle thought it was a cute quirk.
“Sounds like you're thrilled about it,” he chuckled into his mug, taking the first sip of energy. It was coffee Stan brewed, so he didn't need milk or sugar to make it easier to drink. Stan was a master at making coffee, it was always smooth and perfect. He always very carefully measured out the grounds, and prefered hazelnut blends. Kyle found himself preferring them as well.
“Ah,” he laughed softly, ripping off the wrapping of a cereal bar, “not too excited about the movie, but I'm excited that Wendy wants to see it. She's so cute about films she likes,” he hummed happily as he took a bite, Kyle turned away. It was getting too hard to control his face.
“That's sweet,” was all he could muster, taking a long sip of his coffee.
“We have to get you a boyfriend dude, then we can go on double dates,” Stan had proposed this several times. Kyle had never introduced men he's dated to Stan, he never wanted them to be anywhere near the man he actually wished to be with. It felt weird and wrong to mix those people together.
“I'm busy with work, I'll start dating again once the apprenticeship is over,” Kyle swatted a hand through the air, he'd come up with a different excuse once that one didn't work anymore.
“That's fine,” Stan said softly, gently placing a hand on Kyle's shoulder, “I gotta go dude, I don't know when I'll get home,” he gave his shoulder a little squeeze then a pat, then he walked off towards the door. Kyle sighed into his mug, the skin from his shoulder down to his fingertips was tingling from Stan's touch.
Once his coffee was finished he took a shower and brushed his teeth, then spent about a half an hour trying to tame his hair. Kyle was out the door at seven forty, ready for another day of work. The drive was easy, the radio actually played some good music, and when he walked into the building the receptionist gave him a big smile and told him his hair looked great. It seemed like he was going to have a good day. Even if he might not see Stan again until tomorrow morning.
“Kyle,” the pathologist he was apprenticing under greeted, clipboard in hand, “got a few patients this morning, need you to take care of the paperwork,” he handed the clipboard to Kyle with a tight smile before heading back to his own work. The redhead had just nodded in response. Doctor Preston wasn't very personable, but he cared deeply for his work and his family. Kyle liked him, appreciated him for taking him under his wing, and respected him as a forensic pathologist.
He got to work quickly, looking over the ledgers and filling out the appropriate paperwork. The four bodies they received were all natural deaths, which Kyle appreciated. Working with the dead was sometimes very depressing, his first week at the morgue he had to witness a mother who lost her daughter to a car crash. He had to work alongside Dr. Preston on the mangled corpse. The doctor had taken him aside at the end and asked if he was okay, asked if he could do the job and be okay at the end of the day. It was tragic, heartbreaking, but Kyle could be okay.
It was a necessity, people were always going to die and someone had to take care of them in the end. Kyle was willing and prepared to be that someone, even if he sometimes wasn't okay at the end of the day.
Today though, he had two elderly women and two elderly men. He was glad they lived long lives, even though he was sure their family members were still deeply saddened by their passing.
“Morning Broflovski,” he looked up and found Craig Tucker, one of his coworkers. Craig Tucker was an odd case, he kind of gave Kyle the creeps. He worked as a forensic technician, a few years older than Kyle and so stoic the redhead often wondered if he had feelings at all. Given his job consisted of mainly cutting into dead bodies it made sense he'd be unfeeling, but Kyle knew he wasn't. There had been a few times he found Craig hiding away, recollecting himself after his work when it got to be too much.
The first time was after a suicide victim, a young woman who had ended it all for reasons unknown to either of them. Kyle found Craig in the bathroom, he had forgotten to lock the door and Kyle walked in. He immediately apologized, having originally thought he was walking in on someone taking a piss. Instead he found a teary eyed Craig, who just shook his head and sighed. They didn't talk about it, but they didn't have to.
“Good morning,” Kyle smiled at him, even though he wasn't entirely sure whether or not he liked the guy. Craig was unreadable and dry, he was intimidating and a bit scary. Though he hadn't actually done anything to make Kyle dislike him.
Craig kept walking after that, they rarely spoke more than just greetings to one another. Which was fine, Kyle didn't need to make friends at work. Even if he did, Craig wouldn't be his first choice. The guy seemed like stone, always keeping a distance from everyone and keeping whatever feelings he might have under lock and key.
At five Kyle was out, he assisted with one autopsy and mostly did paperwork all day. He helped get bodies ready to be taken to funeral homes, he had lunch in his car, and he spent the majority of the day wondering if he'd see Stan or not before he went to bed. The day was fine, nothing out of the ordinary and nothing all that bad. He said goodbye to his coworkers and headed home, bummed Stan wouldn't be cooking dinner when he arrived.
Cooking was a passion Stan had fallen into on accident during high school, before that he had no real goals in mind. It was sophomore year, he had messed up his class schedule and their guidance counselor had signed him up for a culinary class since it was the only thing left with an open seat for him. At first Stan hated it, he said it was full of girls and he felt awkward and out of place. Then he made his first successful dish and fell in love.
Watching Stan find his passion was special to Kyle, he felt unbelievably happy to have been able to experience it alongside his super best friend. He was a little sad when Stan chose a culinary school for college, but excited for his friend nonetheless. If they had attended college together he wasn't sure he would have ever come out anyway, he knew Stan would support him, but he was scared how it would affect their friendship. Luckily it hadn't at all.
The apartment was sad when he came home to it being empty. Walking through the door and finding no lights on, no delicious smells wafting from the kitchen, no rock music playing off the Bluetooth speaker, no Stan. It was just sad. Kyle warmed some leftovers in the microwave and ate his dinner in front of the TV. Alone. By ten he gave up on waiting for Stan to come home and got ready for bed.