Chapter Text
Cheese ruled the world.
"Money rules the world," some would argue, but times changed, and money became no more but a means to obtain the true item of power: cheese. It promised prestige and luxury.
Cheese ruled the world. Its addictive taste turned friends into foes and sons against mothers. Some craved it like they craved air to breathe, while others used it to market their financial relevance.
Its suffocating grip on society called for action and then, seventy years ago, cheese got branded illegal. Those who possessed it had ridiculous amounts of power and funds, and those who provided it counted to the richest in the known universe.
Today, cheese was a forbidden good, a rare gem that dealt in millions of credits. And today, Yeosang was on the biggest heist of his life. He would steal cheese from the single dealer who supplied all the universe with his priceless goods. He was going to infiltrate the Charcuterie Nostra itself.
A smuggler since he ran away from home, Yeosang dealt with all kinds of shady businesses. He dealt medication, rare ores on planets that forbade them, animals and sometimes even people, if the money was right. He faced countless dangers and boasted with even more bruises as proof of his survival. But a job on this scale, he had never taken before. His commissioner - Bang Yongguk - gave him the approximate location of the mob's ship; the place where all the addictions originated. The goods he would smuggle were more precious than any drug or gold, though hauntingly similar in character.
Yeosang found their massive starship as he circled Apollo XI with his humble cruiser. Though they veiled their identity expertively with the name of their ship - Pas de Fromage -, Yeosang's quick wit deducted a ruse as he detected its distinctively triangular, cream cheese-coloured appearance. Not one to be fooled easily, he hovered in their shadow and cloaked his tiny smuggler ship from their radars before he climbed aboard.
He knew vaguely what to expect. A ship this size carried armies of crew and cheese was a sacred pledge for the Charcuterie Nostra. Traps and locks would spike his way to their storage and fleeing with the weight of cheese Yongguk demanded from him would slow him down. He needed to make sure all guards were taken out.
Yeosang dropped in through a vent and found himself in the ceiling. As soon as he had disengaged his oxygen mask and adjusted to the ship's gravity core, he flattened his body and peered through the gaps below. Icy blue hair fell in his eyes and his bulging arms tensed to bring him closer.
For his convenience and freedom of movement, he chose his durable vest from material soft as silk, but thick enough to catch most laser hits. Shrouded in the shadows as his professional form sprawled out, he studied the crew passing below.
Aliens and humans worked hand in hand in this so-called 'family'. Yeosang spotted burly rohrs from a galaxy far beyond, and elegant four-eyes from earth's moon. Many of them had pale blond hair - cheese lovers - and they were blissfully unbothered by their intruder. Naturally, not everyone was a soldier. A ship this size needed dozens of engineers, cooks, medical staff. Down the road where the cheese was stored would await the real horrors.
More than to them, Yeosang's concern clung to the robots zipping across the ground. They were small, like mice, scooting between the stomping feet of those crossing the hallway. Robots such as those were excellent for supervision and the exchange of information, and they all too easily disappeared into crevices.
Yeosang felt for his waist. Next to his gun holster, he wore an EMP blaster. A good electrical shock would knock them out for long enough that he could escape.
Then again, the funds going into this polished, massive ship were beyond any amount Yeosang could imagine. If those were some super robots with built-in death lasers, he wouldn't be surprised.
He needed to be cautious.
He dropped out of a vent above the loading bay. It was mostly empty and the two meandering guards got knocked out by dragging them behind the crates and jabbing a thumb to their pulse points. Ducked, Yeosang scooted through the door. His face was stony with alert, eyes flicking left and right to catch all movement. One more guard, one siren. If he understood the layout right, the cheese storage was below the heart of the ship, where a myriad of corridors would conceal it.
Yeosang was as careful as always, blended in the shadows seamlessly, yet something wasn't right. Too few guards crossed him. The path to the cheese was too clear. Did he take the wrong route? Or would the alarm systems only lock down if they noticed a larger threat from outside?
Pondering but not losing his resolve, Yeosang pressed into a niche when some alien creature he forgot the name of that was known for its excellent sense of smell passed him. Its bunny-like nose twitched as it scented the air.
Invisible thanks to the half of his DNA that wasn't human, Yeosang held his breath. He was the born thief. Half mistjoren - literally translated into 'people of the fog -, he was able to match his appearance with his surroundings to disappear from sight. Half human, so not to show up on extraterrestrial scanners and have fewer limbs than his distracting alien kin.
But his scent couldn't be hidden.
And humans just so happened to smell awfully like salt and musk.
The bunny nose flared, then the alien whipped around. Its two companions were befuddled, but followed along when a curse sounded from the corner. Yeosang slipped past them with a mad dash, hoping to lose them down the next corner, but he didn't get far. Mouse robots swarmed his feet and in his conscience not to step on them because they were so adorable, he was ruthlessly apprehended. A weight hit his back to shove him to the ground and handcuffs clicked around his wrists before he could grab for his laser gun. With a snarl, he glared up at his capturers.
"Caught an intruder down Aisle E. We'll bring him to the bilge," the human accompanying that damn expert smeller alien said into a transceiver. He didn't let Yeosang out of his sight as he escorted them down the hall.
Maybe this came in Yeosang's favour. His race was barely visible in the colour of his hair and eyes. If he fooled them into thinking he was human, he could turn invisible and sneak away once they opened the cell to search for him. The bilge had to be close to the storage.
It wasn't the first time he got captured. And though the thought of being executed by the cheese mafia intimidated him, Yeosang trudged along with compliance. He made it this far by sheer luck. He could do it again.
The guards rid him of his equipment and scanned him for metal before throwing him into his cell. It was bleak, though noticeable through the cute carpet that depicted a fried egg. Free of his cuffs, Yeosang rubbed his wrists and searched the room for cameras. Nothing was lost yet.
He only got ten minutes before some superior arrived to check on the work of his underlings. Flanked by two cheese-blond soldiers, the man ducked inside. He was a zurk'ho, 113 kilograms of stubborn muscle and the horns of a bull. In his broad hands, he slapped a wooden ruler. Merciless eyes raked up and down Yeosang's frame as if he were a study subject.
Excellent choice for a head of security, but feeling no pain didn't mean he couldn't be killed. If Yeosang dashed for the laser cutter by his belt...
The ruler snapped into the alien's hand, making Yeosang flinch. He crossed his arms as he stood unbent in the middle of the room.
"What are you here for?" The zurk'ho asked in a thick Italian accent. Yeosang understood enough to grit out his answer.
"I came for honest stealing, but you caught me. How does this ship fare with punishments?" The mafia wouldn't demand his bounty from the government or send him to jail. They played by their own rules. And while they figured that out, Yeosang would get the cheese and leave only dust behind.
After all, there was a reason he was one of the best in the industry.
With a horrifying snap, the ruler broke. Yeosang imagined that happening to his brittle human spine and blanched.
Before the bull-headed brute needed to reply, the door slid opened once more. Yeosang didn't even hear it click into its lock; they were so sure he was a small fry.
The man who came striding in was arguably... flamboyant. He wore his hair in a shockingly pink buzz-cut that complimented the healthy tan of his human skin. A silken robe in sunflower yellow hung from his shoulders and framed his black frilly shirt with complicated patterns. His pants were burgundy and tucked into calf-high boots that accentuated the length of his legs with rows of buttons.
Balanced in his left hand, he carried a silver platter with various cheeses. Their aroma wafted around him like perfume and Yeosang's eyes stuck to the priceless luxuries.
This guy looked as much French and Italian as he looked like a cheese lover.
"What do we have here?" He chuckled and his eyes crinkled when he grinned. His smile was bright and sunny, innocent to the little crook of his front tooth, but Yeosang didn't let it fool him.
"We found a rat trying to gnaw on our cheese," the zurk'ho grumbled as he beckoned at Yeosang with half a wooden ruler. Shoulders squared, Yeosang stared down the tall man in the door who devoured a piece of cheese.
"A rat, you say?" He repeated. His voice was deep, deeper even than Yeosang's. Though he looked ridiculous, Yeosang distrusted that voice and his sharp eyes. For a moment, they seized each other up.
Then the stranger laughed.
"That is no rat. This is but a little mouse," he grinned. With a piece of cheese between his fingertips, he studied Yeosang. "How did you find us?"
Awkward, Yeosang beckoned around him.
"Your- Your ship is a piece of cheese," he pointed out, embarrassed he needed to say that.
An indignant gasp was his response.
"It's called Pas de Fromage! No cheese to find here."
They mumbled to each other in agitated Italian. The rulerbreaker broke the ruler into quarters.
While they were distracted, Yeosang seized his chance. He had the room mapped out. Cameras in the corners, his enemies before him, behind them the locked door. The second they looked away, his tensed muscles propelled him forward. His human appearance blended into the thin air.
But he underestimated the flamboyant man. He whipped around, hand flying to his belt the moment Yeosang scooted past him. Expecting a bullet, Yeosang dodged, but what came his way was worse.
A stench so bad it hit him like a brick wall had him stumble back. He pressed his hands to his nose, sinking to his knees as the turn of his stomach made his knees weak. With teary eyes, he glanced up at his tormenter.
All smiles disappeared from his face. His hand cradled a piece of cheese, holding it pointed at Yeosang's forehead. When the human gagged, a hum rumbled in his throat.
"What a foolish plan. Cheese is no business to play around with, Provolone. We will execute you in the morning so that you may never experience the bliss of cheese again."
Tomorrow was fine; that gave him a lot of time. But something else befuddled Yeosang more. Something he never understood the world for.
"I never ate cheese," he muttered to himself, but the man heard him. His hand flinched back.
"What?!"
Startled, Yeosang glanced back up. He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but the man stood offended, with the piece of awful cheese pressed to his chest.
"You never had cheese before?"
Irritated, Yeosang shook his head.
"No, and I don't understand the drama. Can I just do my job?" Exasperated, Yeosang shifted away from the offending cheese (how could people eat that?) but the room came back into motion.
"I think I'm going to pass out. Jongho, catch me." With a hand on his forehead, feeling faint, the human collapsed. The rulerbreaker dashed to his side, catching him in a cautious embrace.
Piqued, Yeosang sat on the ground and waited for his verdict. The man fanned himself and ate another piece of cheese to refresh his stamina before he barked at his men.
"Camembert, reschedule his execution. We must fix this."
With a grave nod, the one called Jongho hauled Yeosang to his feet. Confused by what was happening, Yeosang addressed the shaken human.
"What does this mean?! What are you going to do to me?! Who are you?!"
All his questions got ignored but the last.
"I have many names. Goudafather. Cheesus. Cheese Overlord. Provider of all Luxury... But you can call me Mingi."
Yeosang didn't fight anymore. This was too absurd. His voice was flat when he replied.
"Oh, so you're crazy."
"No, that's Hongjoong," Mingi chuckled, before he beckoned them outside. Ensnared by the universally almighty cheese mafia, Yeosang had no other choice but to be dragged along.