Chapter Text
“Forget it,” Theon says.
“I haven’t even finished -”
“No.”
“Fine, can I ask why?”
“Are you even - no. I mean, I don’t go to weddings, and I certainly don’t go to your aunt’s wedding when she’s getting married to fucking nobility or whatever Targaryens qualify for. I mean, have you seen me?”
“We’ve been together for five years and I’ve known you since we were six, where are you aiming at?”
“For - Robb, I don’t have the right clothes, I’m pretty sure that time my dad got himself arrested for drug trafficking was on the newspapers, I didn’t even go to birthday parties in elementary school that weren’t yours and do you think I will show up at a wedding that’s going to end up on gossip newspapers?”
“You’re worrying too much.”
“No, I’m telling the truth. No way. Not going.”
“Come on, just this once?”
“I don’t think your aunt is getting married another time.”
“No, but I have six siblings, one engaged uncle and I imagine my aunt will gain enough new relatives - I’m pretty sure this is going to be just the first wedding in a long list. And since I don’t think we’re breaking up anytime soon, I solemnly swear that if you come to my aunt’s I’m not ever asking you to come to anyone else’s.”
For a moment Theon looks entirely terrified at the prospective of attending Stark weddings over Stark weddings through the years, not that Robb doesn’t get it - he’d rather stay home too for that matter, he never was the one for flashy and long weddings himself. Which is why he really wants Theon to come to this one - it’s happening after so much family drama and the situation is still so volatile that he doesn’t want to be on his own or just surrounded by relatives.
Also because if Jon decides to actually go (he’s more inclined towards no now, but he might change his mind) Robb will have to make sure it doesn’t end with arguments that have been brewing for the last ten years or so and which should have been had by now, if you ask for his opinion. And if it’s the case he will need someone who isn’t related to either his aunt or Rhaegar Targaryen with him just so that he might vent at them when no one pays attention.
Theon stares back at him for a while, then shrugs with resignation. “You worry about the suit I’m going to have to wear, because if I’m going, I’m not going to put myself through any extra stress.”
Robb could kiss him. Actually, since he can, he does, and Theon is maybe a bit surprised at first, but when Robb finally lets him breathe for more than five consecutive seconds some five minutes later his cheeks are flushed and he looks half turned on and half somewhat worried.
“Well, if that is how you thank me I might consider being your plus one more often, but is it really that bad?”
“Theon, those two ran away together seventeen years ago, they only showed up once to pretty much dump Jon on the doorstep before disappearing again since his family wanted her head - since he broke off an engagement to run away with my aunt. It’s been seventeen years ofutter drama, then they showed up again saying they had finally found themselves and their equilibrium or whatever new age stuff they’re been doing in the last decade and my brother still doesn’t know if he’s going to that wedding. And if he does he might be in his best passive-aggressive mood.”
Theon visibly shudders. “Your brother being passive-aggressive at his best isn’t anything I’d want to have turned on me,” he mutters.
“Don’t even. I mean, he has perfectly good reasons to be pissed at the both of them but Dad has been telling him to pretend not to before it ends up in some collective murder or arrest and - yeah, I need someone with me who’s not a relative. So, please? I swear, just once.”
Theon sighs. “I already told you yes, didn’t I? But if I end up embarrassing your lot it’s your fault.”
“Shut up, you’re not going to embarrass anyone. And thank you,” Robb adds, since he hasn’t said it until now. “Besides,” he says after another kiss, “you’d look good in a nice suit. I’m sure people would be too busy staring to bother about whether you know what the fifth fork on the table is for.”
“Wait, there are five forks on the table for that kind of thing?”
“I saw the pictures of the place they’re holding it in, but fuck knows what’s the fifth for. I only was explained as far as three,” Robb admits - Theon laughs against his mouth and he doesn’t feel that tense anymore.
“Fine. But you aren’t wearing that horrid red suit of yours unless you want someone to find me doing unspeakable things to you in the bathroom after ripping it off.”
“Hm, actually that might be exactly what saves the situation if things go pear shaped. I hadn’t thought about that but I might just wear it,” Robb replies - and fine, he snorts when Theon lets out a sigh that pretty much said why did I even open my mouth I should have just avoided bringing that up.
“Fine. Whatever, I’ll help you scandalize people at your aunt’s wedding. But you’re going to have to make up to me for it. Starting now, maybe.”
“Bedroom’s over there. Who told you I’m not amenable?”
They never actually get to the bedroom - the sofa is too comfortable and Theon doesn’t even try to stand up before dragging Robb on top of him.
Robb is just relieved that he’s not going to have to face that disaster on his own. And if he has to make it up to Theon throughout the next two weeks before the blasted day, even better - at least two people other then the newlyweds might end up at the ceremony in a good mood.