Chapter Text
It was driving him insane.
The way that smug asshole just avoided his gaze, all fucking night. Sollux Captor was simultaneously the most frustrating, insufferable prick and the most sexy as hell piece of ass Dave had ever laid eyes on, and it was driving him fucking insane.
He’d rented the gold suit for ironic purposes (certainly not because it was a certain insufferably sexy prick’s favorite colour), playing the richboy douchebag for the night, had walked with all the Strider swag he could muster, trying to be as smooth and cool as possible (only to be laughed at and called a dork by King Egbert of Dorks himself, along with a certain blind law student. Apparently everyone was staring at him.), hoping to catch Sollux’s eye.
It wasn’t working.
Insane. He was going to go insane.
He met him three months ago, at another one of Feferi’s parties, like the one they were at currently. He’d been in his own corner of the room, a glass ironic frutiy drink in hand, when he saw him.
He’d noticed him before, but barely. He was Karkat and Aradia’s roommate, but kept to himself in his room, so it wasn’t like Dave wasn’t aware of his existence. However, this was the first time he’d actually gotten a look at him, and holy fuck, he was hot.
Dave had introduced himself in the best way he could (James Bond cliche, anyone?), patented Strider smirk in place on his lips, eyebrows arched...
...and Sollux had snorted at him. Lisped something about him being a nerd. Then swept by him to talk to Aradia, who’d just come out from the ladies’ room.
Dave had been stunned.
Ever since then, it’d been (cough, desperate.) attempts at getting his attention, trying to show off how cool he was (which unfortunately, he really wasn’t. He was just somehow able to fool some people, the only ones knowing his horrifyingly uncool nature being his friends who therefore didn’t take him seriously), trying to get something out of the boy.
It didn’t help that he now found his focus on this boy, all the time, whenever he saw him. He picked up little things about him, like his weird obsession with two’s, his affinity for bees, the fact that he was probably as smart as Dave’s brother, if those glances at the graffiti’d walls in his room were anything to be said about.
Which, really, anyone could have told him this, but he stubbornly did his best to learn all he could about Captor on his own. No need to fucking announce his new infatuation to the entire goddamned world or anything.
Not that it hadn’t gone unnoticed.
Teasing had grown rampant among his friends, and some of his suitors (stupid boys and girls who somehow magically hadn’t picked up on his uncoolness yet) seemed more desperate to get his attention.
He brushed them off, wanting nothing more than for Sollux to at least look his fucking direction, at least once. Twice. Hell, he wanted Sollux to look at nothing else but him, just like how he only ever looked at Sollux.
...So maybe he was just a little bit obsessed. At least he hadn’t resorted to creepy stalker status. Just. Extremely observant and always staring. Okay, maybe creepily staring. But he wasn’t stalking him.
(yet)
Oh, god, no, he did not just think that. That was not a thought that just crossed his mind. Fuck.
Just in time to save him from his own creepy line of thought was the very object of his obsession, the same stack of points and bones that had occupied his mind for the past three months (this was getting increasingly more stupid). Sollux was striding (ha) past, a smirk on his lips, and it almost seemed deliberate--
Oh, fucking hell. At this point, Dave couldn’t even tell if it was his imagination or if Sollux was legitimately fucking around with him and god fucking dammit, this was getting so fucking ridiculous.
That was it. He needed to excuse himself and drown himself in the goddamned toilet.
~
He stared at his reflection through his shades. This has gone on long e-fucking-nough. Being obsessed with someone is far from any level of cool to ever exist and he was Dave Fucking Strider and he was supposed to be at the top tier of cool (wow, it was kind of ludicrous how lame he really was).
The point was, he needed to stop thinking about Sollux Captor. He needed to stop needing Sollux Captor. This stupid game had gone on long enough and it just needed to stop.
Maybe he should go home. Sounded like a good plan to him (only not because any chance he had to see Sollux in the open and hear his snickering and hear that dumb, shouldn’t-be-sexy lisp was to be taken advantage of), and he acted on it immediately. If anyone asked, he’d just say there were more parties to grace with his presence (a pile of shit, but it was a typical response for him; nobody would be the wiser).
~
And his truck wasn’t starting. That was just the coolest fucking thing ever. Broken fucking windows and now it wasn’t starting.
“Motherfucker.” His forehead came into contact with the steering wheel and he closed his eyes behind his shades.
“Having a problem there, Thtrider? Or ith thith jutht thome kind of your ironic bullshit, thitting all alone in your truck outhide a crathy party?”
Oh, god no.
He didn’t even have to look up to know it was the very pile of bones that was the cause of all of this bullshit in the first place. He really needed to fix the goddamned windows.
“Fuck off.”
(come closer)
He gave that stupid laugh that Dave had grown to love so much (which was so fucking retarded, really). “Not like you to leave tho thoon. Thomething wrong?”
(oh my god shut up you stupid sexy bastard)
(keeptalkingohgod)
“In case y’all can’t tell, Captor, everythin’s fine and dandy here. Just got other venues to grace with my swag.” He kept his voice as emotionless as possible; he didn’t need to know that Dave was currently having the biggest possible freak out in his mind.
“Bullshit. What other friendth could you pothibly have, athide from thith bunch of fuck-upth?” Dave kind of hated how much knowing was in that, how much goddamned truth there was.
“Fuck you, I’ve got a shit ton of friends.”
“Not like the oneth in there.”
Silence.
Fuck.
“Need somethin’?”
“’M not allowed to talk to an inthufferable prick thuch ath yourthelf?”
(the only insufferable prick here is you)
(fuck you for being so sexy)
(talking to me after how fucking long of me trying to start a goddamned conversation what the fuck)
“Bethideth, lookth to me like your truck’th not thtarting. How do you ekthpect to get to your many partieth, coolkid?”
He should stop talking now.
“Tho, what, after how many monthth of trying to flirt with me, not shutting up for the fucking life of you, you can’t think of any shit to thay when I finally dethide to take merthy on your thoul and actually talk to you?”
Fuck.
With that, Dave finally looked up, trying to stay as impassive as possible because this was fucking dangerous.
“Just fuckin’ with me, then, huh.” So it hadn’t been his imagination.
“How could I not? You’re tho fucking dethperate.”
“Shut up. No I’m not.”
(yes you are)
“Yeth you are.”
(maybe if you werent so goddamned attractive)
He didn’t say anything in response.
“Dumbath.” Suddenly, Sollux was so fucking close, leaning in through the window, his lips at Dave’s ear. “If you can get your thtupid truck to work, I’ll be waiting for you at Thtarbuckth tomorrow at two, got it?”
What. Just what the fuck. What.
“Nithe thuit, by the way.”
With that, he was gone.
Dave stared as he walked away (nice ass), almost dropping his jaw in his shock.
That couldn’t have been a thing that just happened. It couldn’t be, right? After all of these stupid games, trying to get his attention, Sollux asked him out (sort of)?
It was almost too ironic. He couldn’t be serious.
~
After about twenty minutes of fucking around with his truck, Dave was finally able to get the damned thing to start and get him home.
Sleep didn’t come easy; he was fucking giddy about the next day, hoping he just hadn’t somehow hallucinated it due to the few drinks he’d had (not likely; he’d sobered up considerably by the time he’d actually gotten to his truck in the first place. That, and who the fuck gets hallucinations when they‘re drunk?).
Maybe he’d just imagined it. Had a nap or something when his car wouldn’t stop. Some kind of freak cat nap that lasted five minutes, who the fuck knew? All he knew is that he was pretty sure he’d heard Sollux Captor telling him he’d go on a date with him.
So, yeah, it was just a coffee date, but that was the first step, right?
Fuck. He was starting to feel like he was in high school again (granted, it was only a few years ago, but still). Uncertain of fucking everything and really this was getting way too ridiculous. He needed to sleep. It took a while, but finally, he was able to pass the fuck out, dreaming of the breath he’d felt on his ear, of the honey-sweet smell that’d wafted to his nose in the motion, of Sollux Captor being close.
~
(okay strider
here we go
five minutes until youre in the company of sollux beautiful fucking captor
aka most sexiest most infuriating prick youve ever fucking met
dont flip your shit
stay cool
youre dave motherfucking strider
you can do this
yeah
cool
dont freak out)
He was totally freaking out, and he really needed to stop.
Starbucks was just a few feet away and this was no time to lose his cool.
It was now or never.
He entered the coffee shop at precisely two o’clock, and his heart froze for a moment when he didn’t catch sight of Sollux right away.
“Hey, Thtrider.” Dave whipped around to see him lounging in a chair next to the entrance, smirk on his lips.
Calm down, Strider.
“Sup,” he responded, making his way as smoothly as he could to the chair beside Sollux’s.
“Jutht on time. Admirable.” He cocked an eyebrow.
“Ain’t ever gonna catch a Strider bein’ late to anythin‘, Skinny, unless it‘s ironic.”
Sollux chuckled. “Whatever you thay.” He jerked his head toward the counter. “Are we going to get coffee or not?”
Dave ended up paying for it, and when they sat back down, his heart was rivaling Road Runner in its speed.
“Tho.” He was looking at him expectantly.
“So?”
“I’m thtarting to think the great Dave Thtrider ithn’t ath talkative ath people think. I wath under the impression that you were going to talk my ear off.”
He felt his face grow warm.
“Makin’ me sound like I’m some kinda dork who doesn’t know how to shut their mouth or somethin’. I ain’t that uncool.”
“That’th becauthe you are a dork who doethn’t know when to shut hith mouth. You are totally that uncool.” There was a grin on the other’s lips, and Dave could almost see a gleam behind his dual-coloured shades.
When did he turn into some stupid teenaged boy again?? Why couldn’t he find words.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I am the coolest of the cool, Captor. Good thing you’ve got your shades wouldn’t want ya faintin’ by the mere glow of my unrivaled coolness.”
Sollux snorted, and Dave would be damned if it wasn’t the cutest thing he’d ever heard. “That’th the Thtrider I’ve heard tho much about.”
Fuck. He was fucking this up so bad.
“Shut up, Captor. You’re just jealous ‘cause you ain’t this badass. Even if you do have a nice ass.”
Oh fuck did he really just say that.
Sollux seemed to go a little rigid, as if he wasn’t expecting that. “Keep it in your panth, Thtrider.”
Might as well...
“What? I’m just sayin’. You’ve got a nice ass.”
“Are you jutht going to ramble about my ath or are you actually going to talk? You know, like normal people on a date.”
“I ain’t normal, Captor. I transcend normal.”
He rolled his eyes and sighed. Oh fuck, he wasn’t going to leave was he?
“You ever talk about shit that doethn’t include your coolneth levelth? Cauthe otherwithe thith ith going to be a lot more boring than I thought it‘d be.”
Dave did not flinch. Nope. Not at all.
Sollux was standing up.
Fuck.
Dave’s hand shot out to grab his wrist before he could think. The action left the both of them stunned, staring at each other. Dave could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He needed to save this, needed to fix it before it was too late and he’d waited /way too fucking long for this/.
“Leavin’ so soon?” His voice was quieter, a little breathy.
He heard Sollux suck in some air, could fucking see it, his entire body working to take in the oxygen.
“Unleth you can give me a good reathon to thtay, yeah, motht likely.”
Dave swallowed, hand still around his wrist.
“Well, I’ve been tryin’ to avoid the topic of my creepy fuckin’ obsession of you. Kinda surprised you even asked me here to begin with.”
Shit he did not just say that.
“I figured I’d give you a chanthe, thee if you’re not ath much of a douche ath you come off ath. You haven’t proved me wrong about that, yet, though.”
Ohgod don’t fuck this up, don’t fuck this up.
“Uh.” Very articulate, Dave. Try again, fucktard. “Sorry, man. I just.”
(ive been waiting for this forfuckingever
i think youre the single most attractive person ive ever laid eyes on
fuck)
“Just got a little carried away there.”
“I notithed.”
Real smooth.
“It’s easy to get carried away when you’re ‘round.”
He didn’t seem to be expecting that either, and he still hadn’t drawn his wrist away.
It was then that Dave remembered where they were. And noticed the staring. Fucking rude. This was important, and now these assholes were making the moment all the more awkward.
“Let’s. Take this conversations somewhere that isn’t filled with nosey-ass hipster douchebags.”
Sollux snorted again, and nodded. “Sure.”
He’d salvaged it for the time being.
~
“Tho you were thaying?”
The park seemed a reasonable enough place to go; it was nearby and there was a path obscured by shrubs. A good place for privacy, and at this time of day, kids were still in school. The only people who seemed to be there were a couple and their toddler, and an older gentleman walking his dog.
So it was perfect.
“Huh?”
“You were thaying thomething, Thtrider. Before we were interrupted by nothey-athh hipthter douchebagths.” He seemed a little reluctant to remind him of what he’d’d said exactly. Which was fine. Dave could remember.
“Oh. Yeah.”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
“It’s. It ain’t hard to get carried away. You’re a fuckin’ distraction, and you have been for three godforsakin’ months.”
“Well, ekthcuthe me.”
They were already this far.
Dave stepped closer to him. “It’s like I can’t getcha out of my head, no matter how hard I try. It’s fuckin’ creepy, I know. Some cooldouche who happens to know your roommates ogling you all the time, but I can’t fuckin’ help it.”
He definitely wasn’t expecting that. Dave could almost see him flushing. His chest twitched, his breath catching. “Sh-shut up.” It was like he didn’t believe what he was saying.
Dave was overcome with the need to kiss him.
“Look, I said I know it’s creepy. But. When I said you had a nice ass, I meant it. Got a nice everythin’. Hard not to notice. Then I get distracted.” Another step forward. Was he actually going to do this?
Well, he wasn’t stepping back.
“And shit. Maybe this is a little fast? But I’ve been waitin’ for this for three months.”
“Wait, holy shit--”
Dave figured that was the best time to cut him off. Cliche, but it worked. His hand was cupping his chin gently, thumb grazing over his cheek gently, the scent of shampoo, coffee, and honey making him feel dizzy..
Sollux didn’t respond right away, and it nearly sent Dave into a fresh wave of panic, and he almost jerked away and headed for the motherfucking hills. The press of the others’ lips stopped him, however, and he felt his heartrate pick up, blood pounding in his ears, a hand gently curling into his shirt and holy shit this was actually happening, he was actually kissing Sollux Captor.
He suckled softly at Sollux’s lower lip before pulling away, releasing it slowly, pretty sure his cheeks looked as red as they felt.
Sollux’s eyes were closed for only seconds after, opening slowly to stare at Dave.
Dave wondered if he should leave. What if that was a bad idea? What if--
“Holy shit.”
Yup, absconding might be a good idea.
“Fuck, man, I’m sorry, I--”
It was Sollux’s turn to stop him this time, almost an exact replica of their position in the Starbucks, Dave ahead and Sollux grasping his wrist.
There was a beat of pulse-racing, held-breath silence, and then Dave found himself pulled forward for another kiss. Sollux’s scent once again washing over him, and, once again, Dave felt a wave of dizziness.
Sollux pulled away, lips barely touching Dave’s. “I’ve been looking forward to thith, too, athhole,” he murmured, eyes lowered, and Dave felt his heart skip a beat and wow he was just like some stupid teenaged girl who’d just had her first kiss he was a teenage girl she’s him.
“You’ve got the patience of a motherfuckin’ saint,” Dave responded, glancing up at him from above his shades.
“Wanted to make sure I wathn’t jutht another lay for you, Thtrider.”
“Well, it fuckin’ worked.” He was such an ass. What the fuck. So it had all been intentional, since day one?
Sollux chuckled, kissing him again. And again. And again.
Dave eagerly met each one, leaning forward. “Ass.”
“You love it. Shut up and keep kithing me. Think of it ath a reward for your patienthe.”
Probably the best possible reward for patience Dave had ever received.