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When Phil got to his second date with Kristin he thought he was going to die.
Considering he was now dating a goddess, he’d started off slightly paranoid she’d get him killed somehow when he first caught her eye.
Now, instead of eagerly getting the food out for their picnic and asking about his latest build, she sat silent and picked at a thread from the picnic blanket.
“What, was there a war or something?” Phil said as he sat down and held Kristin’s hand. “Had a bad day,”
“No dear I’m just…thinking I suppose,”
“About what?”
“Well, you know how I watched you for a long time before deciding to talk to you?”
“You mean stalking?” Phil teased and Kristin rolled her eyes.
“Hey, you’re the one who flew into a wall and fell into a canyon. Naturally, I had to keep an eye on you after that,”
“Alright, fair. So, what are you getting at love?”
“Well, you’re very close to that piglin? Technoblade right?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve known him even longer than you! I’ve been meaning to tell him about, trust me you two will get along great!”
“It’s not that I’m worried about,” she said and she buried her head in her knees with a groan. “It’s just I’ve observed a lot of mortals and I’d like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at reading you guys,”
“Kristin, you’re starting to worry me a tad,”
“Okay, I’ll get to the point,” she took a deep breath and looked at him with so much seriousness Phil was wondering if Techno either died or was about to die.
“I think Techno is in love with you,”
Phil looked at her for a moment.
Then, he burst into laughter.
“Yeah sure mate!” He said through laughs as he pounded the grass with his fist. “Kristin, that’s-that’s a good joke!”
He looked up and noticed she very clearly wasn’t laughing.
“Wait, you’re serious?”
“Of course I’m serious!” She said with a huff. “Listen, I don’t want him to be heartbroken because of me! You two have a very nice friendship and I don’t want to ruin it!”
“Kristin, honey I promise you aren’t going to ruin anything,” Phil said as he put a comforting hand on her shoulder and tried not to let another laugh slip out. “Because I’m positive he’s not in love with me,”
“And I have loads more experience with watching mortals than you,” she said. “Listen, do you even know what giving someone precious jewels means in piglin culture?”
Phil shook his head as he reached down to fiddle with his emerald necklace, remembering that Techno had made two for both of them.
“It means a piglin is expressing romantic interest in someone!”
“WHAT?”
Phil and Kristin both jumped as crows flew up out of the trees with startled caws.
“Kristin, no they’re friendship emeralds!” Phil said as Kristin looked at him with arms crossed. “I named them friendship emeralds!”
“Phil, no that’s even worse!” She said as she fell down on her back and buried her head in her hands. “You freaking friendzoned him!”
“Kristin, you’re being ridiculous,” Phil said as he laid down beside her, gently reaching over and stroking her hair. “I promise you, you aren’t going to ruin anything or hurt his feelings,”
Kristin slowly uncovered her face before looking at him with a sheepish smile.
“If you say so I suppose,” she said. “You have known him way longer than me,”
“Exactly!” Phil said. “So, how about you show me that beautiful smile of yours again?”
Kristin let out a laugh as she blushed.
“How about you give me a kiss for a smile Angel?”
“Deal,”
+
Other than that weird beginning bit, it was a very nice date indeed.
“Techno! I’m home!” He yelled inside the house before smelling the delicious scent of fresh tomato soup.
“Hullo,” Techno said as Phil walked into the kitchen. “Just finishing up supper,”
“Aw, you made my favorite type mate!”
“Heh, only because I needed to use those before they went bad,”
“Yeah sure mate,” Phil said with a chuckle as he noticed Technos small smile he tried to hide. “Thanks Softnoblade!”
“It’s just for connivence!”
Phil let out another laugh as he sat down on the couch and eagerly drank the soup. Despite him and Kristin having a picnic, they’d only really had some snacks and he had chopped some wood right after.
Safe to say, he was starving.
He felt Techno sit down on the other side of him, taking out his book and flipping through it as he sipped his soup.
Phil looked at him for a moment before turning away with a snort.
Techno having feelings for him, what a ridiculous thought!
Well, that’s what Phil thought but for some reason a seed of doubt had been planted in his brain.
Techno made his favorite soup often at this time of year, using the same excuse of tomatoes going bad every time.
He glanced over at Techno again, looking at his emerald necklace and the many scars that laced his fur.
Some of them were from recklessness but others were from protecting Phil. Phil had some too from those causes of course.
“Hey Techno?”
“Heh?” Techno looked up at him and adjusted his glasses.
“What would you say if I had feelings for someone?”
“I guess don’t do mushy stuff in front of me,” Techno said with a chuckle.
“And what if I wanted to get closer to her?”
Phil looked up and Techno was staring right at him.
Phil wasn’t sure but he swore he saw Techno put something together and a flicker of sadness crossed across his face.
“What’s brought this on?” Techno asked with a confused tilt of his head. “Listen if you’re asking for flirting advice then you’re coming to the wrong guy. I’m good at everything but that,”
“Nothing, nothing!” Phil said as he took one last sip and stood up. “Forget I said anything mate!”
He quickly walked over to the kitchen and cleaned up his bowl, trying to ignore how Techno was staring very confused at him.
“Phil dude are you-”
“Whelp, I’m going to bed!”
With that, Phil marched off to his room as his brain was now running a mile a minute.
He got in and shut his door, sitting on his bed and running his hand through his hair.
The truth of it was, Techno had never mentioned having a romantic interest in anyone in the entire time Phil had known him.
What he did know was that Techno had always been awkward with feelings and such.
Phil thought for a moment about doing all that romantic stuff with Techno that he did with Kristin.
“Bleh,” he said as he stuck out his tongue. Nope, he couldn’t see himself doing that. The very idea weirded him out.
The seed of doubt was growing and Phil could feel it’s vines wrapping around his brain.
+
As the days went by, Phil spent more and more time observing Techno.
The longer he looked, the bigger his fear grew.
Even if he didn’t say it often, Techno had always been one to show he cared through actions.
He did a lot for Phil. He’d make his favorite soup and feed the crows before Phil woke up.
“I hate to say I told you so but,” Kristin giggled as Phil ran his face across his hands with a sigh. “I did try to warn you!”
He was talking to her in his dreams, just like how they had first met. When he’d been on the brink of death and Kristin straight up told him he owed her one big time.
He’d also woken up to Techno sitting in a chair, looking like he hadn’t slept in days.
“You can act smug later,” he said. “Now that I’ve mentioned I might be interested in someone he’s been all bummed out! He hasn’t even mentioned slaughtering orphans one time this week!”
“Angel breathe breathe,” Kristin said, wincing and summoning a paper bag that Phil breathed in. “Listen, we just need to break the news…very gently,”
“How?”
“Next time, I’ll have some big poster boards with me. We’ll write out a speech, you meet Techno in the woods, and I’ll be holding up the poster boards behind him for you to read off!”
“…You sure this’ll work?”
“Positive!” She said with a confident smile. “Trust me, I’m a goddess! What could go wrong?”
+
There were two things Phil saw that caused him and Kristin to lose their shit, so to speak.
The first was when he was out late, having gotten a bit carried away in hunting and taking longer than usual to get back home.
“Techno?” He said as he walked in the house, noticing he wasn’t in the living room.
Well, it was awfully late so he was probably sleeping or, as Techno put it, hibernating.
He walked up the steps to his room.
To which he saw Techno pushing his bed to Phil’s bed.
“Uhhhh Technoooo?”
“Heh?” Techno looked up quickly before waving at Phil. “Bruh, you were out forever,”
“…What are you doing with our beds?”
“Pushin 'em together,” Techno said, looking down with a satisfied nod. “Y’know room for two,”
“For who exactly?”
“You obviously,”
So yeah, that was weird and Phil definitely didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as Techno.
Mainly because if he rolled over, Phil was very sure he’d suffocate and die.
The second thing was when Phil found a ring with a diamond on the center hidden way back in the cupboard.
Of course, Phil told Kristin and of course they both lost their shit.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN A RING?”
“I don’t know!” Phil said as Kristin shook him back and forth by the shoulder. “Listen, we’re in the woods. He can hear us!”
“WHY THE HELL IS HE PROPOSING TO YOU?” She said before letting him go with a loud, offended gasp. “Phil! Have you been cheating on me?”
“First off, I’m a bit offended you think I’m stupid enough to cheat on a fucking goddess,” he said, still feeling dizzy from the shaking. “Second off, if we are dating he sure as hell hasn’t told me,”
“Okay, you’ve gotta talk to him!” She said as she sat down against a tree and frantically wrote on the poster board, copying the speech he had already written on paper. “Just bring him here tomorrow and I’ll be here,”
“You think I should practice or something?”
“Nahhhh that’ll make it weird,”
“Oh, like it’s not already weird,”
+
“So, why am I being dragged to the woods at seven AM in the friggin morning?”
Phil sighed as he dragged a very tired Techno towards the spot in the woods. Hell, he hadn’t even given Techno time to change out of his PJS.
Thankfully, when he’d gotten home the beds had been separated so there were some small mercies in this world after all.
“Okay dude, we need to talk,” Phil said as they came to a stop in the woods, causing Techno to shake off the tiredness in his eyes at Phil’s seriousness.
“If this is about you being weird all week,” Techno said with a raised eyebrow. “Then, tell me because I have a bad feeling I know what it is,”
Phil glanced behind Techno, seeing Kristin behind him in the trees and holding up the poster. She looked at him with a pained wince at Technos words.
Great, now he really felt like shit.
“Okay the truth is I am not-”
He looked over Phil’s shoulder to see Kristin being attacked by a spider. She desperately tried to sort through the poster boards as she smashed the spider against a tree.
The spider then proceeded to jump on her face so Phil figured he was basically on his own.
“Phil bruh,” Techno looked at him in concern. “No matter what you’ve done, I'll help you fix it. Unless you’ve started a government in which case I’m sorry but you’ll either have to start paying rent or I’m kicking you out,”
Phil looked at him and took a deep breath.
“I don’t want to date you,”
Phil wasn’t sure what he was expecting. In books, this type of thing tended to be very dramatic but Techno just stood there looking even more confused than when he’d tried to work out calculations for his potato farm.
“…Okay?”
“Is that all you’re gonna say?”
“Wait bruhhhh, did you think I wanted to?”
Phil just groaned and buried his face in his hat.
Then, he heard Techno start to laugh. It started quiet before turning loud and bombastic as Techno held his chest with his hands.
“Dude bro I can’t breathe!” He said between wheezes. “I thought this was like a serious situation or something!”
“It was serious to me!”
“Bruhhhh is that why you’ve been stressed out this whole time? Bro, I thought you were going to say you were moving out!”
Phil looked at Techno laughing and then the pure ridiculousness of the situation hit him like a freight train.
So, he burst into laughter too.
“Okay but what about the beds? The ring?”
Techno stopped laughing at the mention of the ring.
“Heh?” He said before letting out a sigh. “Dude, that was supposed to be a surprise! For your new girlfriend or whatever!”
“How do you know about that?”
“Well, first off you sleep talk,” he said, causing Phil to flush red. “Second off, you’ve suddenly started going out for actual hours dude,”
“…So the beds were for me and her?”
“Yes. Obviously,” Techno said. “You think I want to sleep in the same bed as you? Your feathers would leave me sneezing for literally the entire night,”
“…So, we’re cool then?” Phil said, hopefully holding out his fist for a fistbump. “No love triangle or stupid shit like that?”
“Oh love triangles are the most contrived things,”
Techno let out a fond smile and fist bumped Phil.
“I’m never letting you or your girlfriend live this down,”
“Ah shit,”
As Techno turned to leave with a yawn, Phil stopped and looked back.
“Actually you wanna meet her?”
“Heh?”
“I mean, she’s in the woods right now,”
“Heh?” Techno whipped his head around. “What, she’s
watching us?”
“Ok yes but I swear it’s for a good reason,”
“Bruhhhh, you should’ve let me brush my teeth,”
“Relax, it’s fine!” Phil walked over to the woods and poked his head into the bushes. “Kristin?”
“Coming!”
He heard the crack of a branch and then turned to see Kristin fall from the tree onto the ground.
She quickly got up, rustling leaves and twigs out of her hair before rushing over to eagerly shake Technos hand.
“Hi! I’m Phil’s girlfriend and you’re Technoblade! I’ve heard so much about you! It’s so cool to finally meet you dude!”
“Oh, from Phil?”
“Well yes but also The God of War loves your work!” She said with a smile.
Techno slowly turned to stare at Phil.
“Phil, are you dating a goddess?”
“Yup!”
Phil turned to glare at Kristin, who looked at him very, very sheepishly.
“Go on, tell him Kristin,” Phil said with a smug grin. “Tell him how you can read mortal signals very well,”
“Okay, I swear I’ve never been this wrong before!” She said with a sigh as Techno looked between the two of them with a small smile. “Angel, I know you won’t stay mad at me!”
She leaned over and pecked him on the cheek, causing Phil’s face to turn bright red as his feathers shot up from his back.
“Fine, I can’t stay mad,” he said as he also gave Kristin a kiss on the cheek. “So, Techno what do you think of her?”
He turned to see Techno already walking back towards the house.
“You two can be all mushy away from me!” He yelled back at them.
Kristin and Phil both looked at each other before their faces broke out into mischievous grins.
“Kristin, my love,” Phil said with an elaborate bow. “Do you want to go back to my humble abode and troll Techno by being very romantic together?”
“Oh Angel I thought you’d never ask!”
Kristin let out a laugh of delight as Phil picked her up and ran off after Technoblade.
Phil was glad it worked out like this.
He had the two most important people with him.
They were just important in differing ways, that’s all.