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“Ding-dong! Pizza delivery for Mr. Greenberg!”
“I don’t think that’s the name I put on the order, but sure, okay. How much do I owe you?”
“It is one hundred and thirty four dollars and eighteen cents.”
“One pizza doesn’t cost that much.”
“It has a lot of toppings.”
“It could have every topping on the menu and it still wouldn’t cost over a hundred dollars.”
“It costs that much. I am the pizza man and I would know.”
“Well, I don’t have that kind of money.”
“Why did you order a pizza if you cannot pay for it? That is very poor planning.”
“Maybe there’s another way that I can pay for it?”
“Do you have a credit card?”
“I was thinking of something more…direct.”
“Are you offering me a blowjob, Gui—Mr. Greenberg?”
“Would you like that?”
“Blowjobs are not proper currency.”
“So you don’t want a blowjob.”
“I did not say that! Even if you give me a blowjob, I cannot go back to the pizza shop and tell my pizza boss that is how I was paid. They are non-transferable!”
“You don’t actually have a boss. This is a roleplay, remember?”
“If this is playing roles, then how do I have a real pizza?”
“…that’s a real pizza?”
“Yes, and when I said it was heavy, I was not pretending!”
“Nandor, where did you get the pizza?”
“…I hypnotized the person bringing it to the neighbors.”
“Don’t let Laszlo hear you stole his best friend’s pizza.”
“Not Sean, the other neighbor.”
“Well that real pizza that you stole is going to get the driver in trouble, and he has a real boss who’s probably going to—.”
“Guillermo, do not start talking about the capitalist swine right now, it’s a real boner killer.”
“Not everything is about your penis!”
“I thought the whole point of this was my penis!”
“You’re the one who said blowjobs don’t count as currency.”
“They do not, but I would accept one as a tip.”
“…”
“Do not even think about making a dirty joke, Guillermo.”
“Maybe you could stop me by putting something in my mouth.”
“Really? You want pizza now?”
“Just shut up and get your pants off, delivery boy.”
“Yes sir, Mr. Greenberg!”