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"Careful, love", Jonathan murmurs once as Gethin waves Cliff off with a smile and Gethin is genuinely confused, but Jonathan doesn't elaborate. Not that time.
After his retirement Cliff had surprisingly thrown caution to the wind and packed up his things and moved from the comfort of his hometown to London City, where he got a small flat in a mostly quiet neighborhood. Jonathan and Gethin welcomed him with open arms, and needless to say the shop became the old man's second home, or first as Jonathan sometimes joked and Cliff would blush a little, then laugh. Gethin would laugh too, and as he gazed at the older man there was a warmth in his face made up of equal measures fondness and homesickness.
And maybe that's what it was, two gay Welshmen with a soft spot for poetry and despite a significant age difference kindred spirits, finding refuge in each other's company when the rest of London seemed to be a whirlwind of noise and harsh neon lights around them. At least that's what it was for Gethin, Jonathan knew.
But there was no mistaking the shy smiles on Cliff's face, or the subtle little looks he'd throw Gethin while they were talking or the way he was watching him discretely while he was stacking bookshelves or making them tea. Jonathan thought it was sweet at first, when it was still a harmless little crush and he thought it didn't matter one way or the other if the old man had a bit of a thing for what was essentially a younger version of himself, Jonathan imagined he might think, or at least someone he could relate to, someone quietly passionate and humbly intelligent, a walking and sometimes talking contradiction like himself, and frankly, who could blame him?
Jonathan glances over at his boyfriend where he's ringing up a purchase of erotic short stories for an elderly woman, surprisingly, and gives her the innocent face as he smiles so as not to make her uncomfortable by coming off as leering, and Jonathan chuckles a little.
Gethin and the woman both look over and frown at him. He quickly turns away and pretends to browse the cooking section. Why do we even have a cooking section? he thinks absently, as he scans the scant number of three books, trailing one of their backs with a finger as if considering it.
When the little bell above the door jingles he turns back around, but Gethin is already in his space, hissing and blushing, What are you playing at? and Jonathan knows he should feel bad, and he does, a little, but he also feels like kissing his boyfriend because the blush is still evident in his cheeks and there's a glint in his eyes that could probably blind you if you looked at it for too long, and Jonathan isn't really sure of the logic in that but regardless, he really wants to kiss his boyfriend right now. So he does.
Gethin stills in surprise, then kisses back briefly before pulling away and glaring, half-heartedly, as if to say You're not getting off that easily.
"I'm sorry", Jonathan says and almost feels it, almost.
"What's going on with you, lately?" Gethin asks and gingerly rubs his arms, as if to soothe whatever tension the question might create.
Jonathan thinks he should tell him, because they do need to talk about it before it gets out if hand, but looking at the clock, nearly half past, he realises there isn't time right now, so he just smiles and shakes his head. He can tell Gethin doesn't buy it, but then, as Jonathan expected, the bell jingles and Cliff walks in. Gethin lights up as if he's actually surprised to see him, as if the man doesn't show up at the shop at exactly half past five almost every day.
"Cliff", he exclaims happily and walks over to hug the man.
Cliff hugs back stiffly, but laughs and there's a definite hue of pink in his cheeks. Gethin doesn't see it, Jonathan doesn't think. And he probably doesn't feel the way Cliff's hands tend to want to linger a little on the shorter man's shoulders, probably too distracted by the tension everywhere else.
"Hello, Cliff", Jonathan greets pleasantly.
He watches the older man take a fraction of a step back from Gethin, almost guiltily, before he smiles again and waves back. Gethin gives him a fond look and puts his hand on his shoulder, comforting, welcoming, reassuring, still after all this time, and Jonathan doesn't begrudge Cliff any of those things, he really doesn't. But there's a tension in the man's body that isn't just about being uncomfortable in your own skin or still getting used to physical contact, Jonathan knows. And he also knows that if he doesn't nip this in the bud, it's going to be a mess.
Because it's getting out of hand; it's not a harmless crush anymore, it's so much more and growing by the second and if Jonathan doesn't intervene, and soon, there will be irreparable damage; Cliff will be heartbroken and Gethin will be heartbroken about Cliff being heartbroken, there will simply be a big mess.
"That's quite enough of that", he says jokingly as Cliff instinctively leans into Gethin's touch. "If I didn't know better, Cliff, I'd think you were making a move on my man..."
Cliff moves away from Gethin in an instant, as though burnt by the proximity suddenly, and laughs again.
"Jonathan!" Gethin says reproachfully.
Jonathan just smirks and walks around the bookcase over to the register and starts to count the money in the till.
"Sorry about that, Cliff", he hears his boyfriend say, Cliff's nervous laughter a constant background noise and imagines the dismissive hand gesture. "You'll stay for tea, won't you?"
"No, no, I can't I'm afraid", the old man says. "Thank you. But I have a prior engagement. I just came by to pick up that book you mentioned, if it's arrived yet?"
"Oh, right, of course!" Gethin says and comes over to the register.
He knocks his hip into Jonathan and pushes him aside as he searches through the small pile of shipments until he finds the book in question.
"Here it is!" he says and beams as he hands it over.
"Oh, fantastic", Cliff says. "That's great, uhm, thank you... Uhm, how much do I owe you—?"
"Well, it seems as though we're no longer open for business", Gethin jokes.
He throws Jonathan a look that says, what? that I'm a silly sod and you don't know what to do with me half the time? Or I'm actually behaving like a prick and we're going to talk about it once we're alone again?
Whatever it says, Jonathan gets the feeling it's just as much for Cliff's benefit as his own and he smiles at Cliff again, because he does like the old Welshman, he likes him a lot, and that's precisely why he needs to do this.
"We're not, sorry", he says good-naturedly. "I guess we'll just have to put it on your tab."
Gethin rolls his eyes and shakes his head a little, smiling at Cliff as if they share a private joke and Jonathan lets them have it, and just shrugs.
"Don't worry about it", Gethin translates. "Consider it a gift."
"Oh, you boys are just too kind to me", Cliff mumbles and takes the book from Gethin with such care that you'd think it was made of paper thin glass and gently runs his fingers over the cover.
Gethin follows him to the door and waves him off, as usual. Jonathan stays behind the counter and watches. As soon as Gethin lets his arm drop, some tension immediately seeps into his shoulders. He shuts the door and locks it, flips the open/closed-sign and turns back around to meet Jonathan gaze.
We need to talk, Gethin was possibly about to say, but Jonathan beats him to it and the shorter man's eyes widen slightly as he shuts his mouth again.
There's alarm in his eyes now, not a dramatic amount, but it's there. Jonathan wonders what he's most worried about, if he's scared Jonathan will reveal some bad news about his health even after all this time or if he's concerned about their relationship and possible break-up like everyone else.
"We need to talk about Cliff", Jonathan clarifies.
The frown of confusion on Gethin's face is genuine, and Jonathan hadn't expected any different. He tilts his head in a beckoning manner and leads the way upstairs to the flat. He can sense Gethin's presence behind him as he walks into the kitchen and starts putting the kettle on, a thrumming presence of nervousness and confusion and unspoken words that stays unspoken until Jonathan turns around to face him again.
"What's going on, Jonathan?" The words tumble out in a rush and Jonathan simply gestures for him to take a seat at the table, which he ignores.
"He's falling for you, Geth..."
Gethin blinks, then frowns, annoyance and disbelief mingling on his face and the jittery energy in his body stills, but the tension is doubled. Jonathan sighs.
"I'm serious", he implores.
"I can't believe you", Gethin starts, then trails off only to start again from a different angle. "He doesn't know anyone else in London, Jonathan! He's lived his whole life in a tiny village, in the closet, and now he's in this whole other world, and you don't know what that's like, but I do—"
"I know", Jonathan cuts in. "I know you do, and I know you like Cliff, and you like spending time with him, you're not just being nice, but Geth... You need to see what's going on, he really likes you and you..."
"What", Gethin scoffs. "I'm leading him on?"
"A little bit", Jonathan says carefully and watches in pain as dismay and heartbreak flashes by in his boyfriend's face, even as he tries to chuckle and shakes his head in denial. "Gethin..."
"No", Gethin says firmly, still shaking his head. "No. No way. I'm not having this... Out of all the people we know, you cannot seriously tell me that Cliff is the one you decide to get jealous of. Ten years, Jonathan. Ten years together, not one of them unfaithful and not a day of either of us getting jealous, of anyone, for any reason, and now... Now, you tell me... I can't fucking believe you..."
"Gethin", Jonathan says again and he allows an edge to enter his voice, just enough to catch the other man's attention, and judging by the hitch in the other man's breath he does. "If I'd have thought I actually had reason to be jealous, I would not have been making light of it for weeks, and this conversation would be a whole lot different."
Gethin looks close to tears, but he's still not getting it. There's still confusion in his eyes, and frustration from feeling confused in the first place. He hates feeling confused, Jonathan knows. Hates not knowing something, whether it's a trivial pursuit question or the ins and outs of a situation. Like now.
"I know you don't fancy Cliff, alright?" He tells him bluntly. "I know you care about him like an uncle or something, a friend, and I know you love talking to him, and listen to him recite poetry and talk about the hillsides... And I wish I didn't have to tell you this, I honestly do Geth... But Cliff fancies you. I'm not saying he's even aware of it himself, but it's plain as day when one sees you two together, and I don't want things to get any worse than it has to, which is why I'm telling you..."
About halfway through his short spiel, Jonathan could tell when the penny dropped and Gethin's eyes widened slightly as realization dawned slowly, probably recounting all the private moments he'd shared with the old man since he came to London, all the little touches and smiles and poems, like pieces of puzzle that now came together and made sense to him, except he didn't want them to make sense, he was still trying to cling to his denial, but it was too late. He'd seen the puzzle now, and you can't go back to denial once you've left it.
"No, you're wrong, Jonathan, you've got it wrong, we're just... He's just... He just doesn't know anyone in London, and..."
"Well, if that's the case", Jonathan says with a deep breath. "Then it's about time he got to know some people, isn't it? He's lived here for what, ten months now? That's almost a year..."
"Yeah, but... But he... He doesn't have anywhere to go, he's retired, he's..." Gethin trails off and Jonathan doesn't say anything, doesn't need to, he's made his point and now he just needs to sit back and wait for Gethin to come around, and judging by his boyfriend's growing frustration he won't have to wait for long. "Well, where is he supposed to go, Jonathan? He's not going to go clubbing, is he? So where do you suppose he should go?"
Jonathan just shrugs, "Well. You're his friend, you help him find somewhere."
"What?" Gethin says, losing momentum.
"I don't know", Jonathan says honestly. "We could arrange a poetry night in the shop, or start a reading club..."
Gethin shuffles his feet a little, as if testing the floor to see if it will give way suddenly. He looks a little lost, but he's not angry anymore. He's not even frustrated. And when he sinks down in the seat opposite Jonathan at the table with a sigh, it's like he's actually deflated. Jonathan smiles a little at him.
"You... You really want to help him, don't you?" Gethin murmurs and there's a hopeful glint in his eyes as he peers up at Jonathan through he lashes. "You're not just... you're not being difficult because you're angry with me—?"
Jonathan frowns, is that what he was worried about? Where in the hell would he get an idea like that?
"I'm not angry with you", Jonathan says. "I'm not angry with anyone. I just want my boyfriend back!"
The corner of Gethin's mouth twitches a little and he rolls his eyes, but there's a gleam of warmth there as he glances back at Jonathan again. Warm, sincere and almost confused love.
"And", Jonathan adds seriously. "I want to help Cliff."
"I guess it's been rather selfish of me", Gethin mumbles. "I've just been having so much fun getting to know Cliff and we have so much in common, you know me, a tweedy old man trapped in a... young-ish body... I guess it never occurred to me that the more time he spent with me, he's less likely to find someone else to spend time with."
"Come here..." Jonathan murmurs and holds his hand out across the table and Gethin grabs it immediately. "We'll find him someone, we'll set up that book club, get him to socialise, he'll be fine, you'll see..."
Gethin smiles gratefully at him, then groans suddenly and hangs his head.
"I can't believe Cliff has a crush on me!" He says, and Jonathan laughs.
"I can", he quips.
"And I didn't notice", Gethin continues, as if he hadn't heard Jonathan's comment.
"You never notice", Jonathan points out.
"What?" Gethin says then and straightens up again. "What do you mean? Who else has had a crush on me?"
Jonathan snorts, "Like I'll tell you..."
"What", Gethin yelps. "Are you being serious? Tell me! Seriously, someone else has had a crush on me and I didn't notice? Who?"
Jonathan just laughs and shakes his head, "No. No way..."
"Jonathan! No, seriously, tell me... You told me about Cliff—!"
"Well, that's because I knew you'd never feel that way about him. But if I were to tell you some hot guy our age had his eye on you, then what's to say you won't want to trade up..."
The playfulness slips slightly, and Gethin frowns in reproach, as if to say Don't even joke about that, and then swiftly changes the subject and Jonathan feels a flutter in his chest. He raises the other man's hand to his lips and brushes a kiss onto his knuckles. Gethin traces the movement with his eyes, but doesn't say anything.
"I love you", Jonathan says and is even surprised himself when it comes out as a vow.
Gethin's mouth twitches a little again, and there's a sheen in his eyes that they both pretend isn't there and he nods.
"I love you too, Jonathan..."