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When Tommy let his eyes flutter open, he wasn't expecting to see a quarts like ceiling. An IV Cord and Strip in his peripheral vision.
His head hurts, he notices.
What happened?
Had he had another black out? They had been becoming more common as of late, basically putting major gaps in his memory.
He glances around, trying to read the situation.
Someone, an older brunette, is sat asleep in one of the chairs against the wall.
Wilbur.
A voice he dubbed his self-conscious informed him.
How could he forget about Wilbur? His big-brother but not.
What was going on?
The blonde looks to the door of the room, almost expecting someone to enter the room. His gaze falls onto the ceiling.
Why had his head hurt?
Tommy's okay.
Tommy was okay.
Sure, his head had hurt. A lot.
But that didn't mean he needed to be in a hospital bed.
So why is he here? In the spot he doesn't need to be?
Head aching and body suffering from fatigue.
What the fuck happened.
His can hear an elevated beeping sound, turning his attention to it.
Heart Rate Monitor.
His self-conscious wasn't wrong. But it had gone up, which was what sort of sent Tommy into a spiral.
He turns to look around the room again, hearing the Heart Rate Monitor growing.
He couldn't remember what had happened. What happened to make him end up in the hospital? Why was he here in a hospital bed with a hurt head and no memory?
What time was it?
What day was it?
How long had he been here?!
Where are his parents?!
What about Tubbo and Ranboo?!!
Why was Wilbur there too??
Tommy doesn't realize it at first, but he starts to hyperventilate.
It only causes the Heart Rate Monitor to drop suddenly before picking up much more than before.
Panicking and in the heat of the moment, he doesn't understand what it means and instinctively moves to be away from the continuous and alarming sound coming from his left.
He hears the sudden straight beep sound and he spirals further. He's sitting there unable to breathe as he holds his head between his hands. The sound seems amped up, higher.
Calm down, Tommy.
A gentle voice he hadn't heard before is near him. Directly inside his ear and only pulling him away from wherever he was. It's dark, he recognizes that. He sees nothing but feels next to everything.
He's disconnecting, he can feel it. It had been happening much more as of late.
And suddenly the fatigue and voices fill his ears again. He's slightly gasping, head against a pillow, bleary vision staring up at the quarts ceiling.
Both of his arms hurt. His head aches. He can't feel his stomach.
He's still on the hospital bed.
He turns his head to the side just a bit, seeing a lady in blue moving around quickly. He sees her in blurs, unable to pinpoint every movement she makes.
She stands besides him, and she speaks. He doesn't hear through the distorted-ness. The high pitched sound to his left had stopped, it seems.
"Are you alright?"
He finally hears her speak. Her voice like honey-dew. Loving and soothing and sweet to the ears. Something he definitely needed.
"My-" He chokes just a bit, coughing small-ly. "My head hurts.." He manages to mumble out.
She nods. "Let me get you some Tylenol." She turns around, and walks out of the room.
Didn't they keep Tylenol in the Patients room..?
After a moment, she walks back in. Three familiar people trailing in behind her but sticking to the left handed wall. Sitting in the chairs set against it.
William, Toby, and Markus, Tommy. They're just worried.
And he furrows his brows, because he already knew them. Why did the gentle voice remind him of something he already knew?
The nurse offers him a small paper cup of water and a small tablet. He takes it, putting the tablet in his mouth before using the water to properly down it.
Maybe that would help with the voices, too.
"Just call for me if it gets any worse or doesn't clear up. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to call for me then or send one of your friends for me. If you need your currently assigned doctor, his name is Dr. Hibiscus."
That was a mouth full.
Oh shut.
The two voices he could recognize, the one he deemed his self-conscious and the other deemed gentle, lightly battled with one another through words.
He blinks a couple times, watching silently as the nurse walks out. He doesn't know what to do, or even say.
So he looks to his friends, glancing them over.
Tubbo seemed hesitant in being there. Ranboo (his friend deemed Markus) seemed more-so anxious. About being there or the situation, the blonde had no clue. Wilbur stared at him, almost as if trying to figure out what was going on.
"Is there something you need to tell us, Tom?"
Wilbur had been the one to ask. His voice sounding as though he was in command and wanted to force an answer out of the broken down boy.
Somehow it almost sends Tommy through a spiral. Nearly forcing him to remember recurring incidents with that tone. But he looks away and closes his eyes. Fighting the feeling starting to rise in his torso and travel through his body.
"God-damnit Tommy! Why can't you let us help you?!"
This time it's Tubbo. Tubbo who stands with an exasperated voice and most likely a matching expression. It makes Tommy curl his fingers into a fist.
And he notices a difference the second he does it, and it almost makes his blood run cold.
"We want to help you- we really do!!" Tubbo exclaims, trying to show the hurt he feels. "We care about you and don't want you to keep hurting yourself!"
"Tubbo-!" Wilbur interjects, stsnding and grabbing hold of his friends arm.
Tommy's blood runs cold, and he opens his eyes to a wide panic. He turns his gaze down towards his hand, facing his palms up and looking at his nails. They were cut back, a nail clipper used.
His brows furrow, and he looks to the verbally disagreeing males. His gaze turns to Ranboo, and their eyes meet.
"Guys-" Ranboo finally gets involved, he too, standing. "That's enough, stop." He pulls the duo away from each other.
Tubbo scoffs. He would mumble something under his breath before looking to Tommy. Noticing his alarmed state, he slouches in on himself a bit and frowns heavily to himself.
Wilbur sighs and sits himself down, looking to the blonde in the hospital bed.
"Why are my nails trimmed?" The blonde manages to ask, looking between the trio.
All three tense in their own ways at the simple question. Tubbo paling at the question, turning away almost guiltily. Ranboo's shoulders tense up and his demeanor changes just a bit as his eyes seem to gloss over. Wilbur closes his eyes, turning his head down so that it faces the floor.
It's quiet for a moment before a brave soul speaks up.
"They have you on suicide watch."
Tommy's eyes widen just a bit.
What the absolute fuck.
So Tommy not only comes to in the hospital, but he's on suicide watch.
"What the fuck." Tommy voices the singular thought he's managing to have in the very moment.
"Do you not remember what happened?" Ranboo asked before Tubbo or Wilbur could loudly question Tommy.
You had a black out, you're not likely to remember it like a grey out.
The gentle voice lightly explains in simple terms.
What the hell was a black out? A grey out?
The blonde slowly shakes his head.
"You uh- well.." Ranboo slightly trips over his wording, falling silent before he closes his eyes. He sighs deeply.
"You had a mental break down of some sort. You- Tommy you fucking hurt yourself, man. You could've died from the injury." Tubbo answers, voice edging many emotions. From rage and anger to despair and sadness.
He what?
It's okay, breathe. You're fine now..
That gentle voice.
The blonde moves his gaze to the blanket the laid atop his legs and some of his lower stomach. Hesitantly, he lifts it and pulls the hospital gown towards him just a bit.
And there's the damage. Covered by what seemed to be endless bandages. He pulls the gown back some more, noticing the bandages wrapping all the way up to his mid-abdomen. He lets it fall down to rest in his lap before pulling the blanket up to his chest.
So he hurt himself.
When?
"Tommy, what's the last thing you remember?" Wilbur finally asked, voice sounding slightly strained and hurt.
And Tommy stares off, trying to remember what had happened within at least the past twenty-four hours. The only thing he remembers is waking up in the hospital in pain and then, blacking out?, and being here.
The blonde tries to remember the last coherent memory he's got. His mum had driven him to the train station. To Briton he was going. He was going for Tubbo and Ranboo.
He remembered that.
It gets slightly fuzzy on the ride there but he manages to remember getting off. He remember being picked up by Mr. Smith because Tubbo and Ranboo were busy doing God knows what. He briefly remembers a conversation on the drive there. But that's where it gets hard to remember.
Only because he can feel the ghost of a hand on his thigh and the saying of something-... Suggestive, maybe.
Tommy's breath hitches as that feeling from earlier creeps in. Some part of him matches the experience to those he's had before.
Those few moments he had with that babysitter. The times he'd be yelled at for doing something so small yet seen as wrong. Being degraded for crying and showing any sad emotions. Those moments where he would sometimes be locked in that small fucking cupboard-
"Tommy- Tommy, stay with us.." The soft voice of Wilbur pulls him out. There's a small dip besides him and he's trying to let his sight adjust, everything that had been all sorts of bleary slowly fixing itself.
He had assumed a sitting upright fetal position, breathing slightly elevated as he internally panicked. He looks at Wilbur, and his brain differentiates.
How?
Wilbur was safe. Wilbur wasn't that babysitter and Wilbur wasn't his dad. Wilbur wasn't Mr. Smith, either.
And his brain takes and stores that information.
"Tommy, it's alright, breathe with me."
That disconnection like feeling is still there. But less-so. His head hurts again, when had it stopped hurting?...
Tommy stares at him for a minute, letting his breathing slow as he watches. It never leaves him. That feeling. And that one feeling too.
Used and abused. What a shame. What. A. Shame.
His self-conscious is degrading. He hates it but he doesn't fight against it. What is he supposed to do? Be bigger than himself to go against the independent thought process.
When he's finally calm and, for the most part, grounded. The disgusting feelings never leave.
Why is it he remember all that in the surge of the moment? What had made him remember that..?
"You with me Toms?" Tommy briefly clenches his eyes shut before blinking them open. He nods, slowly, but he nods. "Can you tell me what the last thing you remember is?" He asked, voice still soft. And Tommy swallows, gulps even.
"Being-.." He starts but stops for a moment. He closes his eyes and tries to let the most of the events play out in his mind. "Mum dropped me off at the train station so that I could get to Briton." He lets his head face down,resting against his chest. "I made it to the train. Mr. Smith picked me up.." He trails off a bit, unable to remember anything after that. Brain suddenly blocking everything that had happened since he got there.
"Tommy that was-" Wilbur pauses himself. "Anything else?" His voice is much quieter than before. Tommy shakes his head and looks at Wilbur like a scared little kid.
The door to the hospital room opens and closes.
"Tommy, that was almost a week ago." Wilbur is soft, quiet and almost slow when he says it. And Tommy takes a moment to process that before his eyes gloss over.
"How long have I been here?" The blonde asks, timidly. Not wanting to know but asking because if he didn't he'd probably feel insane.
"Almost three days." Ranboo answers this time.
Tubbo had been the one to step out, then..
Almost three days.
Three days is a lot. Especially for someone to not remember.
Tommy ignores the voice. He turns his gaze away.
The blonde furrows his brows in thought.
So he doesn't remember what happened, and he's basically been unconscious the entire visit. He wants to panic over it, but recognizes how it's something that's been happening a lot as of late. Especially since he was littler. It often happens when he streams, sometimes with school, and even when he goes about house chores.
He wishes it was something he had a right to be upset over. But he can't bring himself to be upset over it.
He sighs and leans back into the the bed, resting his head against the pillow.
"Three days." He vocally confirms. He hears a nod of confirmation.
"I'm going to go check in on Tubbo. I'll be back." Wilbur is soft about, lightly patting the blondes knee. He stands and stares at Tommy for a moment before turning and giving a silent eyed note to Ranboo. After Ranboo nods, he exits the room, closing the door behind him.
It's a minute, a long minute, before Tommy opens his eyes a bit. Letting them remain slightly lidded, he stares ahead of himself.
"Ranboo."
"Yeah?" He responds almost instantly, wanting to know how he he could help.
"What did I do to myself?" He opens his eyes a bit more, looking to his tall friend. A confused but concerned gaze on his face. Ranboo frowns softly, moving to stand besides the bed.
Tommy doesn't miss the way Ranboo gazes towards his stomach than thighs for a solid minute, tears glossing over in his eyes.
It was obviously traumatizing to see.
"You uh- basically mutilated, yourself." His frown deepens in sadness hands clenching a bit at his sides. He closes his eyes as if to try and forget about it before opening them again and looking at the Heart Rate Monitor to prevent himself from thinking of it.
"You really don't remember what happened?" The tall teen asks, looking to make eye contact with the hospitalized blonde. He shakes his head, he couldn't remember for the life of him. Not like he wanted to know.
"Tommy you- they said you almost bled out because of it." His voice breaks a tiny bit and he tries to clear his throat. "You were- well-..." He furrows his brows in silent concentration and frustration.
Tommy reaches one hesitant hand out, wrapping around Ranboo's fist. The taller unclenches and holds the blondes hand in return, using the other to wipe away at a stray tear.
"You had uh- managed to hurt yourself in the kitchen. Used a- one of the big, butcher knives on your legs." His voice breaks harshly. And he closes his eyes again, clenching his hand around Tommy's. "Your stomach had already been really- torn up. Fresh and old looking marks there and it was so hard to see man. Bled through the shirt you were wearing." He covers his mouth with his hand.
Tommy lightly clenches his hand around Ranboo's to let him know he's not in that moment anymore.
"Tommy you have no idea how frightening it was." He removes his hand, looking down at the bedded blonde. "Walking in and seeing your friend running on what seemed like adrenalin and saying their thoughts out loud and claiming that it'll help them get better." He rubs at his eye, a few more tears escaping as he slightly hiccups.
"I love you man. You're like a brother to me." His voice is slightly broken, especially as he looks down at the saddened blonde.
"I just don't remember.." The blonde muttered out, just loud enough to hear.
And it has Ranboo trying to suppress a sob.
Tommy lightly uses his free hand to tug on the standing teens shirt. Carefully, he moves to the opposite end of the bed and pats the now free space. Ranboo hiccups and hesitantly sits down. He takes a moment to gather himself before laying down besides the blonde, mindful of the wire leading to the Heart Rate Monitor.
Tommy gently ruffles the dirty blondes hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Ranboob." It has Ranboo give a huff of amusement.
It certainly helped to lighten the mood.
Ranboo has his head rest on the pillow as he gently holds the blondes hand. Tommy moves his head to rest alongside and slightly against the dirty blondes head.
"I'll try my best to remember." It's a light promise Tommy makes.
"I know. Just- don't, hurt yourself again. Please."
Tommy smiles softly, letting his eyes shut as he lets out a content sigh.
He hears the door open and in walks a couple people. He decidedly and pointedly ignores their existence and arrival. He can hear the tell-tale signs of someone moving a chair to be on his side. He can feel somebody lightly grabbing his hand and a head resting on his shins. It was odd, but it was also comforting.
Sleep well, Tommy. It'll be a bit better in the morning. I promise.
He'll have to give that gentle voiced woman a name later.
He's to tired and just wants to bask in his friends company.