Chapter Text
The bright morning sun peeked through the disheveled curtains and broken blinds, effectively blinding the newly awakened Xie Lian. With his destroyed hair, drool covered face, and sweat-covered body, Xie Lian climbed out of his creaky bed, and trudged along to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
He couldn’t help but wince at the reflection in the mirror.
The living space he was in right now certainly wouldn’t have been his first choice had he had a choice in the matter anyways. Options were limited due to his equally as limited money and so he had no choice but to rent out this worn down shack of a home upon his arrival to the city. There wasn’t an A/C unit and the used one he had bought had promptly broken down merely a week after using it. The place only had cold water, so all he was allowed was cold showers, unless he felt like boiling water for an all too hot bath. Every so often he had to have a one-on-one battle with the roach that was skittering across the floors, taunting him–begging him, almost–to chase it and catch it.
It was tough, but it was his, even if the conditions left him rather rattled every morning.
He tried running his fingers through his knotted hair, but stopped once a sharp pain hit him after his fingers got caught on a knot.
Deciding to leave the mess he called hair for later, he went to brush his teeth, and wash his face.
Attending university had been a goal of his despite the uncertainty of it all. Perhaps if he lived a more normal life, he’d have been able to wake up this morning with a smile on his face, ready for the next chapter of his future. But with hardly any support system to help him through or cheer him on, Xie Lian couldn’t help but feel that maybe this wasn’t meant to be, even if he was already here. He thought he’d be a bit more excited about the first morning of classes, but in truth, dread was slowly spreading throughout his body as he slowly made his way through his routine.
Did he really deserve this in the same way the others did? Wasn’t he admitted and given scholarships based purely on the fact that his life was so miserable, that he didn’t have even a single family member to help him through? In some way, he felt rather guilty being handed such an opportunity, even if he still had leftover funds to take care of.
He had already been working two jobs for quite some time now, both of them taking up most of his time, and the thought of tacking on classes to the mess made him want to throw up, cry, and scream. But instead of throwing a little temper tantrum, all Xie Lian could truly muster was a small breath in and then a steady sigh out. He reminded himself that this was something he had wanted ever since his days in the orphanage and although he hated feeling like he was being given handouts in some regard, he needed to make use of what he was given, and change his life around in ways that others couldn’t. In doing so, perhaps he could be the light for them, and become somebody to grant them opportunities. This hard work was for him and them and that’s what made it all, inevitably, worth it.
With this sudden, albeit small, hope instilled in him once more, Xie Lian pulled on his clothes—light-washed jeans with a loose, tucked in white t-shirt—and then reached up to tie his long hair half back.
His mind was rattled and buzzing with too many what-ifs, his confidence in himself trying its best to overpower the anxiety of having an unfulfilled future. Unable to push away the worries and concerns, he grabbed his backpack, and left his little run-down home (not without tripping on a few boxes along the way), before hopping on his bike and heading to campus.
Pictures did not do the campus justice. While this wasn’t the first time Xie Lian had been around the area, it had been his first time all grown up. Despite the fact the campus was no longer as gigantic as he last remembered it, it still held an air of pristine modernity to it that was hard to look away from. The renovated buildings with their advanced glass architecture truly screamed that this was a campus full of prestige. The technology was so advanced that even small delivery robots roamed about the campus sidewalks, yellow flags sticking out from the top, small robotic chittering leaving their white bodies as they continued on to deliver lunch to a starving student. Occasionally a student would reach down and pet its top.
Xie Lian felt a little out of place.
The other students walking along the campus held themselves in pride, dressed in a fashion that Xie Lian most certainly couldn’t afford. They chatted with each other, overpriced coffee in their hands, and as equally as overpriced textbooks weighing their backpacks down. Even the delivery robots held an air of superiority and Xie Lian was embarrassed to admit that even for a moment, he felt inferior to a creature that wasn’t even truly alive.
Shaking off the funny feeling, Xie Lian chained his bike on the racks in front of the class building and took in a breath, before heading inside.
He checked his schedule one more time:
Historical Theology
Classroom 337
10:00 - 11:15
Professor Hua Cheng
In truth, Xie Lian hadn’t really cared about the class. Certainly not enough to willingly choose it, but as a freshman he didn’t get the first choice of classes, and had to battle the upperclassmen for the ones that were actually interesting. And so, all the ones he thought he’d cared about were filled up, and he had no choice but to select the ones that sounded miserable, but not insufferable.
He slipped inside the elevator and locked his phone.
History just didn’t seem… exciting.
The elevator doors began to slowly close and just as they almost touched, Xie Lian heard what seemed to be someone nearly punching the elevator button outside the doors, followed by a bunch of loud laughter as the door stopped, and then slowly began to reopen.
Two girls giggled their way inside the elevator. Xie Lian shuffled to the side as they giggled on, the doors finally closing.
“Have you seen the photos in the floor group chat?” One asked, voice hushed, but her tone was full of admiration.
“Of the new professor?” The other asked.
Xie Lian wondered how the girl could hear, as the one earbud she had in her ear was blaring so loudly that he knew if it were him he’d have long since developed a headache.
The first girl excitedly nodded and then sighed, almost dreamily, as she added, “I wish I had known before I scheduled my classes, but maybe I can get in next semester.” Then, there was a bit of mischievousness to her tone as she whispered, “Did you see the photos someone found of him when he was a student here? The one in his soccer uniform? His legs -”
Was it okay to talk about a professor like this?!
Xie Lian wasn’t participating in the conversation, but even his own cheeks were flushed at the thought of this guy being thought of in such a way! He was just a new professor, leave the guy, and his personal life alone!
By the time the elevator reached the third floor, Xie Lian thought he was going to melt at the wild fantasies the two girls were spouting. How shameless!
He quickly integrated himself into the crowded hallway, wanting nothing more than to escape the situation. He kept a close eye on the numbered panels beside each door– 331, 333, 335– before stopping in front of a set of double doors with 337 above them. It was a… lecture hall? Xie Lian knew this wasn’t necessarily an avoided class, but he had expected something smaller.
Peeking inside the window panels, he didn’t see anyone inside, and promptly checked his phone.
9:30
Oh.
It certainly hadn’t felt that early when he left and he looked around helplessly, wondering if it was okay to just walk in, or if he should loiter around for a few, and wait for someone else to go in before him. He bit his lip and peeked back inside through the window.
It didn’t seem as though anyone was teaching a class, so maybe it’d be okay to go ahead and choose a seat. That way he was able to get first dibs and not have to fight anyone for the perfect spot.
With this in mind, he pushed through the doors into the large lecture hall.
Rows upon rows of seats descended down from the top to the bottom, each row adorned with a long horizontal desk stretching from seat to seat. The area was just as pristine as the outside, with the walls being a spotless white, the chairs a royal blue. The front of the room had a large white board with a curious amount of technology spread about. Did everyone know what these things did, or was he simply that out of the loop?
He took a few steps down, trying his best to sniff out the best seat, when he heard the double doors behind him gently open, allowing for another person to slip inside.
Xie Lian had looked over in surprise, his heart beating from the scare, but when he locked eyes on this other figure, the cause of the heart beat seemed to shift just a hair.
The other student that walked in wasn’t quite like the others he spotted on campus or in the hallways. Rather, he held himself in a more dignified manner, his confident posture admirable, yet intimidating. His hands clutched tightly to what Xie Lian assumed were the textbooks (which he, himself, had yet to purchase), the glittering watch on his wrist catching the light almost perfectly. His tied raven hair matched that of his dark clothes, a red ribbon keeping the thick locks tied tight with a single beaded braid interwoven throughout the straight strands. His black button up was form fitting, the first few buttons undone. His dark slacks hugged his waist in a way that felt wrong. But most curious was the dark eyepatch upon the man’s face.
When Xie Lian realized he was staring rather stupidly, he swallowed hard, shook his head, and said, “I-I wasn’t expecting any other students to come in at this time, sorry! T-there isn’t a class before the ten o’clock, is there?”
The student before him blinked, his grip on the books loosening ever so slightly. He was taking so long to respond that Xie Lian was about to apologize once more, but eventually the stranger’s gaze softened, and a little grin appeared on his face.
“No, there’s not,” He assured, taking a few steps down to try and meet eye to eye with Xie Lian, but no matter where they stood, the stranger’s height was far too above Xie Lian’s to ever be his equal. “You’re here for Historical Theology, right? I am, too.”
Again, a gentle grin.
And again, a deafening heartbeat.
Xie Lian took in a breath, turned and took a step down, and tried to act as though he was still searching for that perfect seat.
“Any reason you’re here early?” Xie Lian asked, attempting to make some sort of normal conversation. “I didn’t mean to show up so soon, but I guess I can just wait it out. This isn’t really a class I’m looking forward to, but I still want to do my best for my first year.”
The stranger didn’t give an immediate response. Xie Lian glanced back to look at him and just as quickly, the stranger’s gaze flicked up, seeming to have been fixed on something else just a few inches down. Something flicked in his eye before he turned and gently placed his textbooks down on the desk beside him. He leaned back against the edge and crossed his arms over his chest, casually saying, “I’m dreading this class, too.”
Xie Lian cocked a brow and went to question him, but the stranger added, “I heard the professor sucks. You can find all over online how he grades unfairly, chooses favorites, and gives an obscene amount of homework. Keeps bouncing around from university to university or something.” Then, a hum. “I’ve even heard he’s gotten rather close with some past students of his.”
He glanced over at Xie Lian, who stood there, uncertain of what to say.
You can find all of that out online?
“That’s… unfortunate,” Xie Lian admitted, then amended, “But I guess it’s not really my business what he does. It’s taboo, sure, but…” The more he spoke, the more he felt as though he didn’t actually know what he was talking about. “I mean, I’d just be upset if a student was getting special treatment because of the relationship, you know? Privately, who cares what happens, but if lazy students are getting A’s simply because they’re meeting up, then I’d be bothered.” He felt content with his answer for a moment before something suddenly struck him and he added, “T-though I guess managing to be with your professor in that way is hard work in its own right, too, but it feels like cheating... I don’t know!”
His face burned at the thought of such a predicament, even though he meant what he said. Really, the only problem with the situation was the power imbalance and abuse of authority, and while bad , when you compared it to what it could be, who cares! Just don’t cheat him out of a perfect score because he wasn’t one of the ones that wanted to get cozy with you!
The quick addition Xie Lian had made to his thoughts had left the stranger nearly in stitches and as he laughed, Xie Lian could easily spot the way his chest moved from within the shirt.
“It’s all rumors and gossip anyway,” The stranger assured once he calmed down. He grabbed the books once more and continued down the stairs to get closer to Xie Lian again. “People will make up anything just for some excitement, but I like the way that you think. I’m sure you’ll do just fine in this class.”
Xie Lian blinked, unsure of what the stranger meant by this, but before he could ask, the stranger asked, “What’s your name, by the way?”
“Oh! Uh, Xie Lian,” He answered and smiled a bit in politeness as he countered, “And you?”
Again, the stranger hesitated. Xie Lian was beginning to notice this quite often in the small span of time that they had talked. Was it that the other was surprised by everything he was asked, or did he need the time to calculate what he should say? How was a name so hard?
“San Lang.” The one exposed eye glittered. “I go by many names, but for you–San Lang.”
“San Lang,” Xie Lian repeated, as if testing the name out on his tongue. Perhaps he was crazy, but he liked the way it rolled off, and it seemed as though San Lang liked how he said it, too.
With quite a bit of time left, the two had settled nicely in one of the rows, chattering on about everything and anything. San Lang liked to travel and he often went on impulsive vacations every summer—sometimes with friends, but oftentimes he went alone. He liked sports and had considered at one point in time a sports career, but decided against it due to an unexpected injury that never healed quite right. Though he was fine for most daily activities, rigorous on-going activity often left him with throbbing pain in his left leg for the remainder of the day. Alongside his love for sports, he insisted he was somewhat of a food critic. He liked different cuisines and had spent quite a few minutes bragging about his “mature” palate, in that he was able to handle foods others would gag at the mere sight of. Xie Lian found it funny and had asked what kinds of foods this would include, but San Lang gave a teasing look before dismissing the conversation entirely with a wave of his hand.
Xie Lian hadn’t quite got the chance to talk about himself before more students began to finally settle in. The once quiet lecture hall began to buzz with life as students settled down into their seats, bookbags and textbooks slamming down into the chairs and on top of the desk.
“Well,” Sighed San Lang as he picked his books up and stood up from his seat. Xie Lian watched curiously, not understanding what he was doing.
“It was really nice talking to you, Xie Lian,” San Lang continued as he stepped out into the aisle. “I was a bit nervous about this semester, but I think getting to know you these next few months will make it bearable.”
Xie Lian was too confused to say anything and his eyebrows knitted together as he watched San Lang go down step by step, free hand sliding comfortably into his pocket. He stopped in the front of the room, placed his books down on the desk, and turned to the entire lecture hall, his eye roaming the crowd.
“Good morning, everyone. If you’re where you’re supposed to be, then this is Historical Theology, and you can refer to me as Professor Hua Cheng.”
Instantly, Xie Lian heard all kinds of whispers behind him.
“What’d I tell you! Look at him!”
“He’s a lot younger than I was expecting!”
“I wish he’d turn around so I could get a good look at his a-”
Xie Lian felt like his head was going to explode from shock and embarrassment.
So… San Lang wasn’t a student, but… the professor ?! And he just let Xie Lian go on talking and believing whatever he wanted?! And what was with those rumors he told about himself?!
Xie Lian couldn’t help but sink down in his seat.
For most of the beginning of class, he had a hard time paying attention. Though he supposed it wasn’t anything truly important, as San Lang was only going over the syllabus, which Xie Lian had read prior to class, and found so horribly straightforward. The course calendar listed every single thing that would be happening for the entire semester, so it wasn’t as though anything could be said that he didn’t already come in knowing. And so as San Lang rambled on about the attendance policy, Xie Lian repeated in his mind, “I think getting to know you these next few months will make it bearable.”
Because, really, what was that!
As he continued to stress over all the things he didn’t understand, San Lang had clapped his hands together once to gather everyone’s attention. Xie Lian looked up and swallowed hard as he watched San Lang perch himself atop the desk, slacks drawing taut against his thighs. It was clear that Xie Lian wasn’t the only one that noticed this.
San Lang fidgeted some with the syllabus in his hands.
“I’m sure we’re all aware of how awful icebreakers are,” San Lang said and smiled at the expected groaning. “But I think some of us need to be humiliated in that way or else some of you in this class are going to remain insufferable.” His tone was playful and primarily teasing, but Xie Lian sensed a bit of truth in this. “So let’s put some of you on the spot.”
San Lang bit his lip as his eye narrowed, scanning the crowd. It was clear that they didn’t have enough time for everyone to introduce themselves, so what better than to pick unsuspecting victims?
And so, San Lang pointed out in the crowd.
“How about the gentleman in the back with the, uh, blue and yellow shirt?”
Said gentleman in the back suddenly straightened in his seat and everyone around him giggled, while others whispered their envy. He watched San Lang, expectant.
“Give me your major, a few hobbies, and what your hopes for the future are. Your dream, even. Don’t bother with your name because I will not remember, I promise you.”
Oh, that wasn’t so bad , Xie Lian thought. At least they wouldn’t be subjected to any embarrassing game. He watched the boy, who certainly took his time to think. Then, he said, “Uh, I’m a Business major. I like watching television, I like sports-”
A little boring, but he was sincere.
“My dream…” The boy continued, growing rather nervous now. He gave an awkward laugh and sank back into his seat. “I don’t know, get rich? I just want a ton of money.”
This received a decent amount of laughter and Xie Lian couldn’t help but join in. Well, he was certainly honest to a fault, but he couldn’t blame the guy. Who didn’t want a ton of money?
San Lang didn’t seem impressed, however, and merely nodded before pointing to a girl on the far left of the lecture hall.
“I’m pre-med! I like traveling and reading and I guess hanging out with my friends. My dream…” A pause. “I guess to live somewhere else. Maybe in Greece or Italy.”
Another understandable dream. What Xie Lian would give to see new sights.
And yet San Lang didn’t react again, making the atmosphere rather tense as everyone waited anxiously for his gaze to land on them. More and more students went, explaining their dreams. Many wanted a big family, others wanted nice cars. All understanding dreams and futures and yet San Lang never said a word to their responses, almost as if he were disapproving, but no one could quite be sure. Once again, his eye roamed, slowly, analyzing each and every face before landing on Xie Lian. It was the first time since the icebreakers started that San Lang had offered a gentle smile.
“Xie Lian,” He said. “Would you please share?”
This was a far different attitude than the past students received but Xie Lian tried not to dwell as he uncomfortably straightened in his seat, swallowing hard.
“Um…” His cheeks flushed brightly as he glanced at the eyes watching him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “I’m actually undecided right now. I’m still trying to figure out what major works best with me.”
“Of course. As you should,” San Lang assured.
“My hobbies… Hm. I kind of like cooking. I’m not sure if I’m good at it, really, but it’s calming, and fun. Oh-! T-this might be a bit strange, but I’ve been thinking about gardening lately. Just to see if I could grow a flower or two.”
“Cooking and gardening,” San Lang repeated. “Lovely. And your dream, Xie Lian?”
The way San Lang said his name was so tender and sincere that Xie Lian had momentarily forgotten that this man was his professor (and apparently one who had no problem teasing about a potential dark past).
“My dream?” Xie Lian fidgeted with his fingers, trying to not melt under the watchful gaze of San Lang. “I think since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was save others. Or help, if not save.” He tried to meet San Lang’s eyes. “I know I don’t really have a plan for how I’m going to do this, but… I want to try. I want to help people.”
The lecture hall was silent. Not even a whisper. All Xie Lian could hear in his ears was his pounding heartbeat, all he could feel was his nervous, sweat-slicked hands. This was embarrassing, being so vulnerable.
Yet San Lang grinned so big and said so softly as if Xie Lian was the only one supposed to hear, “What a wonderful dream.”
Crash!
Xie Lian winced as the entire tray of food toppled to the floor, plates shattering, and food splattering all across the patrons at the nearest table. The restaurant went silent at the sudden noise and all that could be heard were the desperate apologies from Xie Lian, who was clambering around tables to grab clean napkins, trying to clean up the mess on those who were dirtied.
He didn’t know what had tripped him, but it seemed as though the patrons didn’t care. The older man who had gotten a lapful of pasta began cursing up a storm, spit flying from his mouth in the same way the pasta sauce had. He began calling Xie Lian clumsy, incompetent, insisting that he had done this on purpose (though what would Xie Lian gain from doing this)!
Overwhelmed and shaky, Xie Lian tried to apologize once more, his eyes burning, though he tried his best to hold back the tears. Crying would only admit defeat. Just as he went to apologize once more, a familiar body pressed next to him, and he looked over to see his coworker and fellow waiter, Shi Qingxuan.
The boy had more confidence in him and even a bit of an attitude as he attempted to come to Xie Lian’s rescue.
“It truly was an accident, sir, and from me and the entire staff, I deeply apologize. Your dinner tonight is on the house and, if needed, we can go through the motions of paying for any dry cleaning.”
At first it seemed as though the man didn’t like this offer, but the woman beside him spoke up before he had a chance to reject.
“That would be perfectly fine, thank you.”
Shi Qingxuan smiled and thanked the woman in return before helping Xie Lian clean up any saved dishes. When they collected all that could be preserved, they took it back to the kitchens, and alerted the cleaning staff of what had happened.
Xie Lian sighed deeply when the staff grabbed the broom, bucket, and mop.
“I swear, everything that could have gone wrong today is going wrong,” He whined, desperately wiping away at the tears that threatened to fall. Shi Qingxuan rushed to wipe them for him.
“Between handing out wrong change, accidentally overcharging nearly three orders today, and now this, I’m sure you’ve had enough,” Shi Qingxuan tried to console, but Xie Lian only shot him a look and whined again, “You don’t have to remind me.”
Shi Qingxuan frowned and then sighed as he stepped back. He offered a smile.
“One bad day isn’t the end of the world. You’ve made it through all of your bad days before, you can make it through this one, too.”
Xie Lian couldn’t help but admit that this did offer him some comfort. Shi Qingxuan was right. Xie Lian just wished that the bad days weren’t so… just damn bad .
“Do I look like I’ve just been crying?” He asked, beckoning Shi Qingxuan to come closer and inspect. “I don’t want to go back out there and look like I’ve been having a meltdown in the kitchen.”
Obedient, Shi Qingxuan stepped close and analyzed every square inch of the boy’s face. He hummed in thought.
“They’re definitely red, but… If no one looks closely, they won’t tell!”
Not the answer he wanted, but he supposed it was better than a certain yes. So Xie Lian nodded, swallowed, and tried to gather his bearings once more. He lightly brushed off his apron, fixed his hair, and let out a breath.
“Well, back out I go, then!” He exclaimed, trying to appear more uplifted than he really was and Shi Qingxuan knew this. He tried to match the energy and gave two thumbs up.
Unfortunately for Xie Lian, there was a table waiting for him the moment he got back on the floor, and he didn’t have enough time to get himself back in waiter mode by the time he made it to the table.
“Good evening, gentleman, could I-”
Xie Lian stopped short.
Loose, dark raven hair; a single braid with a red bead at the bottom; an eyepatch covering the right eye. The casual attire from the morning before had now been switched to a nice red dress shirt with a black blazer (though the slacks were still ever so taught across those thighs).
Xie Lian swallowed and unprofessionally stumbled out, “S-San Lang?!”
San Lang appeared to be just as surprised to see Xie Lian standing before him and so did the guest that San Lang seemed to have brought with him.
The boy opposite him was rather plain, though he appeared to be close in age to San Lang (even if Xie Lian wasn’t quite sure how old that was). His dark hair was tied up prettily, as well, and he adorned a purple and black attire.
There was a lot Xie Lian could say at that moment.
Why didn’t you tell me you were my professor?!
Did you see me drop an entire tray of food on a family?!
What are you even doing here, actually?!
Yet Xie Lian didn’t get a chance, as San Lang beat him to the questioning.
“Is everything okay?”
“Huh?”
Instinctively, Xie Lian reached up to touch just under his eyes, and he flushed red, wondering how in the world San Lang could see anything amiss in a restaurant with such dim lighting.
“O-oh, I-” Xie Lian glanced behind his shoulder at the area where he dropped the food and quietly said, “I, um, happened to have had a small accident earlier. N-nothing major, it just… really overwhelmed me, is all.”
San Lang frowned, his lips almost pouty as he glanced behind Xie Lian as well.
“I hate to hear that,” He frowned, glancing up to meet Xie Lian’s gaze. “I hope the rest of the night is easy for you, Xie Lian.”
There it was again, his name.
Face burning, Xie Lian gave a small nod, and gathered his bearings.
“Could I start you two off with something to drink?”
It had been a little awkward serving San Lang and his friend for the night, but things had gone smoothly enough with luckily no accidents. Aside from the initial conversation, the two hadn’t exchanged many words, and Xie Lian liked it better that way.
The two had taken a bit to eat and enjoy their dinner, but once they were finally gone, Xie Lian started his way over to clean up what dishes he could, and collect the receipt. The dishes clinked as he stacked them, the glass cups tinked as he slipped the silverware inside. He then grabbed the receipt and the moment he looked down, his heart nearly stopped in his chest.
On the tip line was 500 dollars. Under the tip, someone had doodled a tiny little flower. And under the flower, someone scrawled in the most hideous handwriting Xie Lian had ever seen, “For that garden of yours.”