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Mello was quite annoyed. He was annoyed because it was the middle of July, and he had been banished to his room for the stupidest of reasons. Okay, so he had released a poisonous tarantula in Near’s room. So what? It hadn’t of bitten him. It had just been a joke, it had been meant to be funny! Why could no one ever see that? He deduced that everyone around him were simply idiots who took life way too seriously.
And then stupid Matty had abandoned him in the darkness of this room to go out and play on his DS. Seriously, who would want to play video games outside? Weren’t video games meant for hermits who never left their bed and hadn’t seen the sun in ten years? He knew why Matt had gone outside, because normally he was content to sit on their bed and stare at the the;evasion all day long. He had left because, in his own words, he ‘didn’t want to subject himself to continuous bitching and moaning.’ Pretentious burning bush.
These were the days that Mello hated everyone. He hated Near for tattling, Matt for being Matt, Roger for commanding L to deal with him because he was too engrossed in his cooking shows to care, and L and Light for acting like some kind of parental figures. Seriously, as if it hadn’t of been enough for L to scold him, Light had to join in on the fun too. Who was he to rebuke Mello? He was probably still pissed off about that one time Mello had told his girlfriend he was cheating on him. As if that was a lie…
So now L and Light were some kind of punishment duo that agreed he needed a ‘time-out’ to think about what he’d done. The mere remembrance of the words and the haughty air they were spoken with made his blood boil. He was going to be eighteen in December, he wasn't a naughty preschooler who needed corner time!
He looked out of his window, scowling, as he watched L and Light sitting on the patio chairs with Matt and Near. God, he hated everyone. Maybe he should run away again, that would show them!
*Maybe it was a mistake to get L and Light back together.* He thought bitterly. He watched as the brunet laughed at something L had said, and L just leaned his head on his shoulder. Yuck, how sappy.
It did make him curious though. L and Light’s relationship had then tendency to do that, it made everyone around them scratch at their heads and ponder because of how odd it was. He had grown up thinking that B was simply a mistake, a childish fancy L had had once. He had thought that his mentor was most likely asexual, he had believed L was above romance and all of those sordid practices. He was the world’s greatest detective, he had more important courses on his plate.
And though he loved L, L’s love was very rare. He hardly ever showed his love, the most affectionate he had ever become with Mello was the night he had almost been molested. Mello knew L loved him because he was his successor, he paid the most attention to his successors. L sometimes seemed like nothing more than a robot. He didn’t know, sometimes he had believed L was more than human. He had believed that he was something unique, something that was flawless and perfect.
And Light was a different story entirely. He still had no idea what to make of the man. Light shared L’s coldness, but Mello could see that L’s frigid nature was more of a conscious choice that he practiced for self-preservation. Light seemed to be unaware that he was the way he was, he almost disregarded human lives as actual lives if they didn’t have something they could offer him. Mello thought that Light just didn’t like people. If he had no use for them, why bother? Mello would bet one hundred pounds that that was his exact thought process.
But, Light didn’t disregard L. He could tell that Light loved L, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, it was as clear as day. Really, it was the smallest things that had clued Mello in, because before he hadn’t of believed Light had held a heart. He had thought that he was simply fond of L. He would make L tea without being prompted, he would buy him small gifts, and his eyes would light up whenever the man walked into the room. He was pleasant with Matt, Mello, and Near, but Mello could see that was mostly an act. His smiles for L were genuine.
And everyone could see L loved Light, he didn’t try to hide it in the slightest. He would always talk about Light, he would always buy things for Light, he spent all the time he could with Light. Where L went, Light went.
One time, when he had had insomnia and had been walking down the hall to the kitchen for chocolate, he could hear crying. At first, he thought it was some dumb brat from Wammy’s, but he had soon realized it was coming from L’s room. He had eavesdropped, because he was nothing if not a detective, but L’s voice had been calm and soothing so he knew it wasn’t his sobs he was hearing. It had been Light’s, and through the broken words coming through the walls he had pieced together the other had woken up from a nightmare. And L’s voice was so soft, so comforting, it had almost sounded like another person.
And Light had nightmares, which was another earth-shattering discovery. Light was the perfect man with the perfect life. He looked perfect, acted perfect, even his smiles were perfect. He was calm, and collected, and one of the most confident people Mello had ever met. Light seemed like a robot in the sense that he only had finely tuned emotions, he never revealed anything unsightly. But, nightmares, that was his humanizing element. It meant that he was just as much effected by the horrors of the world as anyone, he just knew how to hide it extremely well.
And, guiltily, Mello could guess what those nightmares were about. The were most likely a product of what L had done to him.
Mello still didn’t know quite what to make of that whole mess.
When Light had first shared his troubles, Mello had shrugged them off. Because L was perfect, L was his idol. L was justice, he was everything good and righteous about this world. he put criminals away, He certainly wasn’t one himself.
But, then, Light had shown him his scar. Mello had been horrified by the sight, because there again there was a crack in the optical illusion that was Light Yagami. No one would know, because even now in the heat of the summer, he was sitting outside in a long-sleeved shirt but he had shown Mello what hid below the fabric. And it wasn’t a cry for attention or because he had been trying to kill himself. He had told Mello it was because he was afraid of L, because he had wanted to escape from him. And it hadn’t of been a paper cut, it had been long and white and wrinkled. It had been deep, Mello had known that. Light had once been so broken by L that he had had been willing to voluntarily tear a piece of his perfect mask away.
And Mello had been stumped. Because he had seen the pain in the other’s eyes, he had heard his voice go softer, and he had known he was telling the truth. But, what did that make L then? For years, Mello had wanted nothing more than to be an exact carbon copy of L. He had wanted to do everything like him. But, he could never do something like that to another person. He didn’t want to.
Light had said that L had drugged him, Light had said L had manipulated him, and that didn’t match the L in Mello's mind. That would make L the bad guy, which he wasn’t supposed to be.
To make matters worse, L had never denied it. He had said their breakup was his fault. He had told Matt that he had broken Light, he had told Matt that he was something akin to B, which Mello had been horrified by. Because B was a demon spawn, he had been a blood-thirsty murderer who had destroyed everything he touched. He was a malicious deviant who took pleasure in hurting people. He would hurt anyone he could, just for the fun of it. He had once nearly beaten L to death, how could L say he was anything like that fiend?
Mello had thought that maybe he didn’t know L as well as he thought he did, and that thought had scared him into an almost catatonic state. Because, he had thought L had been so broken up about their relationship ending because of Light. Not because of his own guilt.
L had once made a speech to the children of Wammy’s house, he had told them what terrified him. Monster, he had said. Lying monster, especially. Because they posed as humans, but they were nothing of the sort. They lied, and used, and hurt just to get a leg up. He had said that if he ever met another lying monster, he would be eaten by it, because he was the exact same thing. L was a monster, in some ways. Just because he had never seen it didn’t mean it didn’t exist.
And Mello, had for awhile, felt guilty about bringing two monsters together again, because maybe those two shouldn’t be together. He had thought that maybe Light really had been damaged by L, he had thought that maybe he had done the wrong thing.
But the strangest thing was, Light seemed to have forgiven L. Sure, he would still hear fights between them, but Light never left. He always stayed, and he looked at L with nothing but stars in his eyes, so he must not harbor any resentment. Or, maybe he did but he just knew how to hide it.
Or…was it possible the brunet had forgiven L? Mello hated the idea of forgiveness, despite being a catholic, he was more enthusiastic about the verse ‘an eye for an eye’. That made sense to him. If someone dares to hurt you, you should bring it back upon them tenfold. No good deed goes unappreciated, and the same should be said for wicked ones. If Matt had hurt him in the way L had Light, he didn’t think he’d be able to forgive him. Hell, even after all of these years he had never forgiven B for ruining his rosary. And B had bashed his head into a wall and died a very painful and very bloody death, so Mello thought he had gotten what he deserved.
Mello thought forgiveness, if it even existed at all, should be earned instead of handed out. Sure, he didn’t know everything that had gone on in private between the raven and the brunet, but he just thought it was odd that someone as prideful as Light could get over what L had done to him. Hell, he wasn’t going to forgive Matt for leaving him alone in his room until he apologized, and the severity of his situation was that of a snowflake. L and Light’s relationship had been a winter storm.
But, still, looking down on them they were perfect in a way. Mello couldn’t imagine anyone else being able to hold L’s attention like Light did. And even though he and Matt had found pictures of Light with various ex-girlfirends, they only ever seemed like mismatched parts. They complimented each other, one because they were both bastards, but also because they shared the same look. The look that spoke of an understanding. They could look across a crowded room and always only see the other. Sometimes Light would say what L was thinking before he had even finished the thought. L knew how to talk to Light, and vice versa.
Mello supposed forgiveness must exist then, because mostly, L and Light seemed to be doing fine. While it still left him on edge to think of L as the bad guy, for the most part he had tried to ignore those thoughts, because people could change if they really wanted to. L had changed, clearly. He wasn’t as sullen and irritable anymore. He actually slept more often, many times Mello would traipse into their room to see them both unconscious together. And Light had even gotten him to eat healthier! And when he had first met Light, he had seemed a shadow of the person he was now. It was like all they had needed, all of those years, was simply each other.
So even though he was still pissed off at them, he couldn’t help smiling at the way they leaned on each other. And in a way, these dark musings did help him with his relationship with Matt. He would never treat the red head how L had treated Light, maybe because they were more mature. But, also, because he knew better. He’d never want Matt to hurt himself because he wanted to get away from him.
Maybe he should stop picking petty fights with him? Ah, but that wasn’t Mello. Mello, for all of his faults, knew that sometimes he could be a bit of a bitch. But through looking at L through rose-colored glasses, he had missed something important. He thought that L had hurt Light because B had hurt him. He had broken the cycle, but Mello didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. While L would always and forever be his role-model, he wanted to be different. He wanted to be better.
He felt like his and Matt’s relationship was similar to L and Light’s in a lot of ways, at least from what he’d observed. They would bicker about trivial things just for the fun of it and some people may say they were mismatched because Mello was wild and eccentric and Matt was calm and cool. Fire and ice. But, they also understood each other in that same way. Mello needed Matt to be whole, and Matt said he’d never want anyone besides Mello. Matt soothed his raging waters, and Mello made Matt adventurous.
And, perhaps, if Matt ever hurt him in that way, maybe it would be possible to forgive. Maybe love was the answer. Maybe, despite everything horrible and awful that came with it, maybe love was the only thing some people needed.
Now, he wanted to go tell Matt that he loved him for some inane reason. Sometimes he would get these feelings, they would burrow into his heart, and he’d feel ecstatic because of what he had. But he was still trapped in his room! Damn.
Just then, the door burst open and Mello quickly turned around to see the aforementioned boy standing in the doorway. he smiled softly at him and tossed his D on the bed, coming over to sit beside him. Mello tried not to smile too widely.
“I thought you wanted to go outside.” He asked, cocking an eyebrow, and Matt just shrugged.
“I missed you.” He said simply, sitting down to sling an arm over the blonde’s shoulder. “And L and Light started getting into a fight about curtains, so I couldn’t concentrate on the game."
“They got into a fight about…curtains?”
“Don’t ask.” Matt grumbled. “Light started going on about how sheer, white curtains were superior because they opened up the room and let the light in. And L said that was the exact opposite of what curtains were supposed to do, that curtains were supposed to keep the light out. And then Light called L a vampire, and L called Light a twink, and-“
Mello suddenly pressed his lips to the other’s. Mostly, because he was tired of hearing about bloody drapes. Blinds were superior in his opinion. But, also, just because he wanted to kiss Matt. He closed his eyes, drowning in the sensation of love, and when he pulled away Matt gave him a small smile.
“What…was that for?” Matt asked breathlessly, his eyes sparkling.
“No reason.” Mello shrugged. “I just love you."
“Oh, cool.” Matt smirked, placing a chaste kiss on his jaw. “Love you too. Now, wanna sneak down to the kitchen to make s’mores?”
Mello smiled. “Hell yeah.”
Okay, so he hated everyone but Matt.