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Shizusumi opened the door of Ugetsu's car and got in carefully, taking the back seat leaving Mafuyu in the front. The air was filled with the unique smell of cigarettes and cherries that Shizusumi found quite unusual, but couldn't make himself care enough to actually mind.
Ugetsu sat behind the wheel and stretched. "Damn I'm tired." Words left his mouth tiredly with a yawn.
"Say Mafuyu, why were you at the airport again?"
"Friend's moving away," he turned to Shizusumi, "His boyfriend."
"Oh...I'm sorry." Ugetsu bit his lip, "First love?"
Shizusumi replied with a nod, "Yeah but it's okay."
"Aah- I see! So it must hurt a lot...Been there."
Shizusumi fidgeted with his fingers awkwardly, giving yet another nod.
"You were also in a band?" Questions just kept on coming but it's not like Shizusumi could just ignore him. Ugetsu did offer him a ride home after all and he had to respect him. He just wished that the older musician wasn't so invested in his romantic life drama.
"I- yes I was." He started to get irritated.
"What did you play Shizu-chan? Guitar? Bass?"
"Drums." Shizu cut him off.
"Ah…" the reply finally made Ugetsu shut up. One part of Shizusumi was glad he'd be able to spend the ride in peace but the other part of him made him feel like Ugetsu didn't have the best experience with drummers.
However, he didn't go out of his way to ask about it.
Their ride was silent for the most part. Shizusumi spent it looking through the window, Mafuyu and Ugetsu had a small talk before Ugetsu turned on the radio and music filled the car.
Just as Shizusumi expected, it turned out to be classical music. He recognized it as Ludwig Van Beethoven's piece Hammerklavier. Many say it's the most challenging piano composition and one of the most demanding solo works in the history of classical music.
"Ugetsu-san!" Mafuyu sucked in his breath, "Is this the piece you've told me you're trying to learn on violin?"
"Yeah." He chuckled, "I think I'm finally getting a hold of it. Beethoven really is interesting isn't he?"
Mafuyu nodded and turned to Shizusumi, "Shizu-chan you have those CD's of Beethoven's music don't you? You listen to a lot of instrumental works, am I right?"
"For the most part yeah." The drummer shrugged.
"Say Shizu what's your favorite classical piece then?" And just like that Ugetsu was back asking questions.
Shizusumi thought for awhile before answering, "Well...I don't listen to THAT much classical music. Most of the stuff I listen to are crossovers of pop songs but...if I had to choose a classical piece I really like, that always shocks me to the core then I'll go with Spiegel im Spiegel."
Ugetsu bit his lip, "Damn, who hurt you?"
Shizusumi rubbed his neck, hoping for silence once again. He really didn't feel like talking about feelings, especially because he didn't understand them either, "Well there was a rough time in my life...it kinda helped me let out my feelings for the first time in a while."
"Wasn't that when you and Hiiragi had your first fight?" Mafuyu interrupted.
"I wouldn't call it a fight." Shizu brushed him off, "It was...a misunderstanding."
"But it turned out fine, right?" Ugetsu jumped in the conversation.
"It did." Shizu nodded, and thankfully the car stopped, meaning the ride was over.
He needed some time for himself. All of today's events were just too much. He wasn't sure he even processed half of the stuff that had happened.
"Shizu you live around here? If you want I can give you a ride to your house."
"I live close so thanks, but there is no need for that. I really appreciate you doing this much."
"Eh it's not a biggie." The older man shrugged, "Mafuyu- come visit me soon alright? It gets lonely."
"Will do!"
They slowly got out of the car and waved Ugetsu goodbye.
"Ugetsu-san can be pretty talkative." Mafuyu put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
"Yeah...I noticed." Shizusumi snorted.
"I'm sorry for not telling you about Hiiragi…"
"Can we-" Shizu put his hand on Mafuyu's shoulder, "Can we not talk about Hiiragi right now?"
"Right...sorry."
"You're fine." Shizusumi ruffled the ginger's hair to let him know he didn't have to worry. The gesture wasn't strange. Shizusumi softened ever since he started dating Hiiragi, which also meant he became more affectionate not only with his boyfriend but his friends as well. He learnt to talk his thoughts out more and comfort others.
Shizusumi was also proud to say that him and Mafuyu got closer. Their entire life they never really talked. Mafuyu was always found bickering with Hiiragi or hanging out with Yuki- and now Uenoyama. Meanwhile Shizusumi only hung out with Hiiragi and had occasional band practices or study "dates" with Yuki. Although they weren't dates in a romantic way, it was the only time two of them ever talked in private.
But with Mafuyu...well, the two of them didn't have much in common. However, they had a great understanding of each other and a really strong bond. Despite not talking much and spending most of their hang outs in silence, they got along with each other...they understood each other's feelings, and most of the time the silence surrounding them wasn't an uncomfortable one. Shizusumi also really admired Mafuyu- he might have not admitted it because he's dating Hiiragi, but the way Mafuyu always had his way of putting the bassist in his place just amazed him.
The two of them walked in comfortable silence until eventually they were about to part ways and say their goodbyes.
"Hey, Shizu-chan!" Mafuyu turned towards the taller boy once again.
"Yeah?"
"Only because Hiiragi moved away...doesn't mean we can't keep in touch so call me from time to time."
"Got it." Shizusumi nodded and waved to his friend.
•
After the hottest shower he had in awhile, Shizusumi threw himself on his bed, taking a deep breath. He wished he could just forget about the recent events- just completely erase them from his memory and live normally like nothing has ever happened, but at the same time he didn't want to forget. He didn't want to forget Hiiragi's smell of flowers and woman's shampoo that he used cause "they smell better." He didn't want to forget the soft touch of his fingertips and the taste of his lips that always had some kind of lip balm on. He didn't want to forget his soft hugs and his annoying little tugs.
The letter Hiiragi wrote him laid beside him waiting to be open. Although he promised his lover he'd read it as soon as he came home, he just didn't feel like doing it. It felt as if that letter was the only thing he had left of Hiiragi and he wanted to treasure it for as long as possible.
In the end tiredness overtook him and he got sucked into the deep sleep with no dreams in particular. He rarely dreamed and even if he did he didn't remember.
He woke up around midnight due to his throat burning with thirst. It was uncomfortable at first, to just wake up with your throat hurting like crazy, when you're in complete dark and don't know where the heck you are cause you didn't mean to fall asleep.
Carefully, not to wake anyone up he made his way towards the kitchen and watched as water filled the glass. For the first time in his life, when he started dating Hiiragi, he looked at the glass as half full because it gave him hope. He hoped for a better future and a happy life. Now, under circumstances like this, he might as well turn into a pessimist again. The thought of that didn't really please him.
He took a sip of the water and felt his throat cool down a little. Feeling of relaxation washed over him but as soon as he remembered the unread letter that waited for him in his room, he felt anxious again.
With a sigh, he took a glass with him back into his room and sat on the floor, picking up the letter gently.
It was written on lineless paper, the kind Hiiragi had in his journal.
His fingertips brushed against the texture, almost giving him a paper cut. Not like it would worry him if it did.
It was more of a Hiiragi thing to cry over small cuts like that.
He unfolded the paper and was greeted with nothing else than the sight of glittery pens...of fucking course. Shizusumi couldn't help but laugh...when next time someone asks him what kind of person Hiiragi is he'll just show them the supposed-to-be-sad goodbye letter written with pink and green glitter gel pens and that should tell them everything.
He started to read his boyfriend's messy handwriting.
'Sorry for leaving you'
Well that's certainly a way to start…he sighed and rubbed his temple, trying not to laugh more. That idiot.
'I'm assuming Mafuyu gave you this letter or maybe you found it yourself- who knows. The point stays the same. I'm no longer in Japan. By the time you find the courage to read this I might be in my new room, in my new house. I'll miss my old one though...all the memories we made there y'know?'
Shizusumi had to look away for a second. That little prick knew him so well he absolutely hated it(he loved it).
Another thing that he just couldn't help but find adorable was the way the letter was written. It wasn't formal like other letters, it had just the right amount of Hiiragi's touch that it felt as if he was really here talking.
'I am sorry...I should have told you about me moving away. I know it's kind of a big deal and I'm trying to cope the best way I can. Truly...I never even thought about the way my coping might hurt you. Sorry…I never meant to hurt you, love, please forgive me.'
Hiiragi Kashima wants to be forgiven. Shizusumi knew that. He knew Hiiragi's nature better than anyone else. He knew what kind of person Hiiragi was, and he knew how easily he was to blame himself.
Hiiragi was always ready to beg for forgiveness when really- the only person who still hadn't forgave him was himself.
'I wanted our last days to be happy...I wanted to spend them the way we usually would.'
Shizu's grip around the letter tightened and he started cussing, not really caring if he wakes anyone up.
"You're not aware aren't you." He whispered, "I would have done that...I would have put on a mask if needed. Everything for you."
'I'm being selfish and I understand if you don't want to forgive me I just hope you understand my point of view…'
He didn't. He never understood Hiiragi's point of view, to be honest. Sometimes his boyfriend's ideas sounded so absurd he wondered how they ended up together. Ever since they were kids they had different outlooks on life and saw stuff differently, but that's why he loved him. He loved his crazy ideas and his little, weird brain.
Even though he never really understood his thought process, he supported him. He always went along his ideas and did as he was told. Because after all, he would do anything for Hiiragi.
'I really hope you're happy...Make some friends in school- Tamaki from class 2D is a really cool guy and he plays saxophone you should make friends with him! Also Yuri from class 1C! She just bought drums and could use some help learning! She was at a few of our concerts y'know!'
Shizusumi couldn't help but to smile. Hiiragi was a free spirit, sociable, and lovable. No wonder he got along with people so well...sadly Shizusumi wasn't that kind of guy. He never truly cared about making new friends as long as he had Hiiragi with him. But for Hiiragi he was willing to give these people a shot.
'Don't forget to eat and drink enough! Although...I'm sure that won't be a problem for you ahaha. Keep proper care of yourself and open up a little. Live in the moment because after all, you only live once and it would be a shame to waste it right?'
Shiver ran down Shizusumi's spine and a wave of adrenaline splashed him so suddenly it took him by surprise. He couldn't quite put his head around it, but something about these words- something about them made him feel...excited? He wasn't quite sure, but it motivated him to keep on living. It made him realize he has the entire life to live through. He has so many things he needs to do before he dies.
Some people don't get this chance...but he did- he got a chance to live with a reason and now he'll make the best out of it.
He hasn't smiled so gently and genuinely in a long time. "It's what you do to me…"
'I love you Shizusumi. Please wait for me.
-Your Hiiragi <3'
"My…" he mumbled under his breath and folded the letter back in its original shape. "My Hiiragi…" he kissed the paper and put it in his drawer. In the end, he decided on keeping it so he can read it whenever he feels down. Because Hiiragi was his and his only, and no one- not even distance will ever take that away from him. They'll deal with the distance just like they dealt with all their problems so far. True, there weren't many issues in their relationship, but even when there were they would talk it out. Even when Hiiragi needed time to figure out exactly what he wanted from their relationship, Shizusumi waited. He waited patiently, especially if it meant making his boyfriend happy and having their relationship work out.
He waited his entire life, and he will keep on waiting.