Work Text:
Shizumi was known for always being late for most things. He would simply get busy, forget, and by the time he remembered, it would be too late. It was never really a big issue. Hiiragi was understanding and learnt not to mind. It would get annoying from time to time, but as soon as he opened his mouth to speak up, he would take a better look at his boyfriend, and all anger would dissapear, causing him to melt into a gay mess.
So when Shizusumi answered the video call not even a second after the first ring, it took Hiiragi by surprise.
"Shizu?" He spoke slowly as if it was the first time he heard such a name.
"Hiiragi," the guy on the other side of the screen, from the other side of the world, smiled softly and genuinely, "How are you?"
This simple question everyone hears at some point nearly brought Hiiragi to tears. He smiled in return and answered, "I'm fine. Kinda exhausted but...fine."
"How was your flight?" Shizusumi asked and Hiiragi cursed himself internally. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be treated like this. Not after everything he did to his boyfriend. Not after all the lies he spoke, and all the secrets he kept. Shizusumi just pushed them under the rug, and treated him with no difference. Shizusumi was truly kind...and Hiiragi felt like he didn't deserve it.
"Good." He shrugged, "I wish you could have gone with me...to hold my hand."
"Were you scared princess?"
"You wish," he laughed it off, relaxing a little.
As horrible as he felt, he was glad nothing in their relationship changed. Except obviously, the distance between them that changed from a street away to the whole other continent.
But it didn't matter. As soon as they grow up, they'll move in together, and have a nice life together just like they've always planned. They might even get married...but Hiiragi soon pushed the thought away. He didn't want to unnecessarily raise his hopes higher than needed.
"Are you alright?" a worried voice asked, making Hiiragi come back to his senses.
"Hm? Yeah, yeah I'm fine…" for a moment he wasn't sure who was he trying to fool more. Himself or his boyfriend.
"I read your letter." Shizusumi showed the letter in his hands.
"Oh!? Did I write it alright?" Hiiragi bit on his bottom lip anxiously.
"It was really...Hiiragi-ish." Shizu snorted, "I liked it."
A wave of relief washed over Hiiragi, "Thank God."
And the two of them kept on talking. They talked for the next few hours, getting lost in time. There were so many things they wanted to discuss. So many things they needed to tell each other. So many things they needed to let each other know.
From time zones, to their families and school. They promised to call each other at least once a week in case they got busy. Thankfully, both of them were mature enough to understand the situation, agreeing on the terms. Long distance relationships won't be easy to handle, they were aware, but if they both put equal amounts of effort into making it work, then they had nothing to fear. Because after all, their love could handle distance.
After about three hours of talking, Shizusumi started yawning which Hiiragi took as an indirect sign to shut up. As much as Shizusumi protested, Hiiragi was persistent, and just like that their call ended with Shizusumi being forced to go to sleep.
"Sweet dreams love." Hiiragi blew him kisses and hung up.
Despite his call being over, he just grinned like the idiot(in love) that he was, and stared at his ceiling for the next twenty minutes.
•
They talked and the next day, and the day after. They kept on having hour long calls about everything, and for a moment Hiiragi forgot...he forgot he was at the other part of the world. He forgot that Shizusumi wasn't really by his side, laughing with him, and making his stupid little puns, comforting him on his bad days, and yelling at him when they'd accidently kept talking until midnight. But Shizusumi was still in Japan, and he was not.
Everytime he remembered that, his heart shattered a little, making his chest ache. It would bring him down a little. Instead of trying to forget about it, he would find another stupid excuse to hang up. Most of the time that would result in overthinking and tears. He couldn't bring himself to cry in front of Shizusumi…not when his boyfriend couldn't even hug him.
What was the point? He'd probably just upset his boyfriend, and that's completely opposite of what he actually wanted.
He wanted Shizu to be happy and live his life freely.
So if it meant lying to Shizu, pretending he was okay, then he was willing to do it.
Before he knew it, Valentine's day came. It was their second one since they started dating, and the first one they spent on the other sides of the world. Even when they weren't dating, they would spend the day together, joking about being single while they both hurt on the inside because the love of their life was so close, yet so far away.
Hiiragi woke up feeling drained around 4 am, ate quickly, and used his laptop to call his boyfriend before he went to bed. It sucked that Shizusumi was almost an entire day ahead of him. Thoughts of his boyfriend living in the future made him feel uneasy.
He slowly turned on the laptop and opened Skype, still yawning. He bet if Mafuyu was here he'd probably joke about how he should be careful not to swallow anyone accidentally when he yawns. That just reminded him of how much he misses Mafuyu...they messaged from time to time, and had a phone call only two times so far, but Hiiragi understood. Maf was really busy with school stuff, his love life, and the entire debut thing Given had going on.
Suddenly, a familiar face made him come back from his thoughts back into reality.
"Morning princess." Shizusumi chuckled, which made Hiiragi blush from early in the morning.
"Good afternoon." Hiiragi yawned again, "Happy Valentine's day."
"Right back at you love. Sucks that we can't celebrate it together…"
Hiiragi nodded awkwardly, "I miss you...Like- I really REALLY miss you. Probably in an unhealthy amount. But I'm fine...I swear I'm fine." He hoped adding a chuckle at the end would light up the mood, but once again he felt his heart get crushed against the feeling of pressure.
As happy as he was to talk to his boyfriend, and as much as he appreciated them staying loyal to one another, he just couldn't help being upset. It was just one of those days when he'd cry himself to sleep, but considering he just woke up he had to wait for the day to pass.
The fact it was a couple's day probably had an impact as well...to think his mood was able to change so quickly drove him insane. At this point, he was so touch deprived it made him feel unpleasant. He wanted to- no, he needed to feel Shizusumi's arms wrap around him once again...just like in the old times.
He wanted to bury his face in the bigger guy's chest, and feel his fingers in his dyed hair. He wanted to be held at least once more… just to get his mind off the cruel reality they had to live in.
"Hey now," Shizusumi spoke softly, "We'll see each other soon during break, don't worry. Once we do, I'll make sure to kiss you and hug you hundreds of times."
"Thank you." Hiiragi tried to blink away the tears, "I would love that."
"I'll take us to the arcade and I'll get you one of those big plushies! How about a cat one?"
Hiiragi chuckled lightly, "With a bowtie?"
"With a bowtie." Shizu nodded.
And suddenly Hiiragi felt at peace. It still hurt that he couldn't even get a kiss from the love of his life but he had to get used to it. It was as easy as that. He had to keep on moving on, and hopefully he'll get used to the touch starvation.
They kept on talking and laughing, and it felt as if Shizusumi was really there...so maybe life wasn't as bad as Hiiragi made it out to be.
"Did you write anything more?" Shizusumi asked.
"Yeah actually...I wrote you a song."
"Me?"
Hiiragi nodded, "I just need to add bass and I'll send it to you-"
"No way!" Shizusumi shouted which startled Hiiragi despite them being thousand miles away, "Sing it now."
"Shizu it's almost five in the morning-"
"I want to hear it."
"God, I hate when you're stubborn like this-" Hiiragi got up, "Stay here, I'll be right back."
"Woah, as if I can go anywhere."
Hiiragi clicked his tongue and picked up the bass that was laying on the other side of the room. "I didn't practice enough…" he mumbled, "And I'm not sure if it's tuned."
"It's okay." Shizusumi shrugged, "I'll end up liking it anyways, so just start already."
"You're just saying it cause I'm your boyfriend." The bassist pouted.
"What's so weird about liking everything your boyfriend does?" Shizu rolled his eyes, "Hurry up."
Hiiragi sighed and looked at the instrument in his hands. It's been at least a week since he picked it up. With all the stuff going on, he didn't get many chances to play.
With a deep breath, he plucked the strings softly, making a deep yet unique noise that would let Shizu know that the song was bittersweet right off the bat.
He kept on playing for a few seconds before he opened his mouth and lyrics came in naturally. He sang with so much emotion, with so much love, but so much pain. Then he felt it again- he felt that feeling of sensation he got back when he tuned his bass for the first time, back when he learned how to reach even the farthest spots on the neck of bass, back when he wrote his first song and learnt to play it...the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.
And Shizusumi listened. He listened and consumed the sound as if it was some kind of drug. It was addicting in a way that it was hard imagining life without it once you experienced it.
Hiiragi's voice was silent, but Shizusumi heard every word, and understood the meaning behind each line. He got Hiiragi's feelings better than anyone else did, and that was the fact.
This song was enough proof.
Once Hiiragi was done, it took him some time to get back to his senses, and as soon as he did a question slipped down his lips, "Did you like it?"
"I loved it." Shizusumi clapped, "I couldn't have asked for a better gift."
"You sure?." Hiiragi fidgeted with his fingers. "I thought it was crap."
"No." Shizu snapped, "It was amazing."
A flush crept up Hiiragi's face. "If you say so."
Shizusumi nodded, and for a second Hiiragi believed him. He believed all the compliments he received because the thought of Shizusumi lying didn't sit right with him. And even if he was lying to make him feel better, then it worked.
After so long he was finally able to express his feelings in a way both of them found familiar- through music. And really, it was the best feeling he had experienced in a while. Something about being able to express himself through the melody that he had full control over just seemed so appealing.
Not only did he enjoy creating it, but others loved listening to it as well. Even if it was just one person that was cherishing his work it was fine with him.
"You've come such a long way…" Shizusumi chuckled, "I'm amazed."
"We…" Hiiragi corrected him.
"Hm?"
"We came such a long way."
"What do you mean, I didn't do anything at all…" Shizu bit on his lower lip.
"You did so much Shizu...I love you so much and I'm so proud of you. I know you might not be aware of your progress, but I can see it!" Hiiragi rubbed his neck awkwardly, "I can see you're being more positive...you changed."
And so did Hiiragi's mood...he woke up feeling like trash, but his boyfriend just HAD to be this adorable...damn, he was so lucky.
"I changed because you made me want to change." Shizusumi replied gently, "You are so kind to everyone. I'm jealous."
"And you're not?" Hiiragi snorted, crossing his arms.
"I'm just some random ass guy with a resting bitch face."
Hiiragi laughed and the pressure against his chest disappeared, leaving only a warm feeling of love. He was happy because Shizusumu seemed to be happy, and for now that was all that mattered.
"How are bitches back in Japan?" Hiiragi asked suddenly.
"When you say bitches do you mean two of your best friends?"
"I'll call them whatever I want and you call them whatever you want." Hiiragi shrugged.
"They're good I think. Mafuyu wrote another song-"
"That brat didn't tell me shit." Hiiragi gasped.
"And Uenoyama- well he's doing alright. Three of us hang out from time to time."
"Aw, baby, are you bored third wheeling?" Hiiragi mocked his boyfriend, lively.
"Fuck off." Shizu rolled his eyes, "Mafuyu said hi by the way."
"When?"
"Uh...like, a few days ago?" Shizu muttered under his breath.
"Thanks on telling me so soon. Woah, you're so early babe, I'm so proud of you."
"Shut up~" Shizu whined, "I forgot."
They laughed for so long after, discussing this and that. Somehow words coming out of their mouths kept on coming one after the other so naturally.
It was always conversations like this that made Hiiragi happiest. Ones where they could talk so freely and with no worries.
Conversations Hiiragi always looked forward to...where distance didn't matter.