Chapter Text
The next morning, Thor thought he had had about enough togetherness with Loki and this motel room to last him for awhile so he decided that he needed some fresh air and an opportunity to get a new prospective on life. A momentary change sounded reviving in the same way that a new day excites anyone needing a reprieve from intense situations. And if anyone had undergone intense situations in less than twenty-four hours, it had been Thor Odinson.
Well, to be fair, Loki Laufeyson aka Odinson had experienced those same intense situations as Thor had, except his hadn’t been exactly like Thor’s. Nobody’s had been like Thor’s. And, nobody’s had been quite like Loki’s, either. Thor didn’t know if he would believe any of the tale if he heard it about someone else. But he had lived the bizarre events, so he could substantiate that they were really and truly true.
Thor reached for the doorknob so he could go outside, then remembered and retracted his bandaged right hand and replaced it with his uninjured left hand. Probably about the time he learned to be a southpaw, his injured hand would heal, and he wouldn’t need that skill anymore. And that would be a shame. Because by that time, he’d probably be pretty good with the unnatural circumstance of being a lefty. But until then, obstinate doorknobs, fork and knives, and a penis with a bursting bladder behind it (that was eager to be emptied) would all be daily challenges for his plucky, but unskilled left hand. Minor tasks that had once been unconsciously met with automatic actions would now be daunting and dreaded obstacles. And as for sword fighting, forget it! He would have to rest on his reputation in that area for awhile. And Mjolnir would probably think that it had been abandoned, because Thor wouldn't be calling on it.
No, he would be beset with enough domestic trials in the foreseeable future to keep him well occupied. Others with two fully operational hands would have to be the dragon slayers in the land until he was healed up again.
So Thor set to work overcoming his first challenge of the day and decided to be just as stubborn and unmovable in his ways as that sassy doorknob was.
But perseverance pays off, and finally even that doorknob succumbed to Thor’s determination. Victory! The taste of it was sweet on Thor’s lips, and here was Thor without an audience to properly appreciate his determination. Loki was still in the bathroom doing whatever he was doing in there this morning. Be it with the washing of their soiled garments that had been soaking all night or trying to heed Nature's call with a seriously impaired rearend were things that Thor really didn't need to know about in detail or even in passing. He'd waited around to learn if his help was needed in any way, then had escaped when Loki had indicated that he should. When Thor had last seen him, Loki had been squatting on his knees on the bathroom floor beside the tub filled with their clothing and looking up at Thor as if his patience for Thor's antics was worn awfully thin. Thor had taken that as an indication that he should leave Loki alone, so he did. Probably this was a vendetta that Loki was having with his own body anyway, as he seemed determined that he would see results whichever task he tackled next.
As least the brothers were attired in somewhat suitable clothing for their rural surroundings. They had managed to obtain a set of scrubs apiece from the charitable nursing staff at the hospital, so they at least looked halfway decent this morning. Otherwise, Thor would now be on the brink of treating the locals to the sight of a guy wearing a short white terry cloth robe over his Superhero britches that still weren't completely dry.
Having successfully opened the door with only a few useless twirls of the knob had tested Thor's short temper, though. He could admit now that he had nearly failed in this first test of his temporary way of living for awhile. But Thor had remained steadfast. Now he stood back in the doorway and enjoyed the view of a tranquil morning out in the countryside. Well, it wasn’t exactly country, but it wasn’t exactly urban, either. A city lay a few miles beyond, and this motel was situated just off a major interstate leading into the city. A turn of the head one way would show a panorama of ripening farm crops out in the fields while the opposite view was of several skyscrapers on the far horizon with a blue ridge of hills beyond them.
It was a comfortable place that had proven to be a safe sanctuary, but it was not Asgard. Of course, few locations were. And Thor was contented with that fact.
Then Thor stepped out the door and found a wicker basket with wine, sourdough bread, and a bulky package that looked-- and smelled-- like ham. Well, they'd gotten the last laugh on some hog he decided. Then he saw a note attached to the basket and picked it up with his left hand so he could read it. It proved to be from a secret admirer.
“To The Awkward Guys Next Door,
"Thanks for the best mental sex I’ve had in a long time. Whether it really happened with you two doesn’t matter. You just got me to believing in possibilities again. And that’s all that any of us really needs.
"So in appreciation for all you’ve done for me, please enjoy the contents of this basket. It is being given with the sincerest gratitude I have ever felt.
"If you two have this much trouble getting it spit out what you truly mean to each other and keep trying to say it despite everything, then there’s hope for the rest of us who are a little more eloquent than you two are. Seriously, you two can't string five words together and come up with a decent sentence between you, can you? But then you really don't need words, do you? Because, down deep, the love is keeping you two together. And when you got that-- even if you can't say it-- it's okay. And it's not going to change."
Thor felt tears pricking at his eyelids. This generous stranger was having him believing in possibilities again, too. Then he grinned when he read the next line.
"Good thing about the steadfast devotion you two have for each other. Because you two need all the help you can get."
Thor chuckled to himself and felt a large amount of warmth for the stranger. The guy had a kind heart after all and wasn't just the jerk he seemed to be last night. Maybe instead of jeering at him and Loki, the guy was just giving them helpful advice to spur them along a little. Maybe Thor was being a little generous there himself, but their erstwhile voyeur/benefactor probably could use a little understanding from others himself. It's rare the person who cannot.
Whatever, Thor couldn't wait to read the rest of the note, so he proceeded.
"What I could hear from your side of our mutual wall really painted a picture! I hope it was half as entertaining for you guys as it sounded to me. If not, at least one of us had a good time!
"I wish you much success with your endeavors. More than perseverance should pay off. Because you two deserve everything you were trying for. And then some!
"All the best,
"A grateful voyeur
"P.S. If it didn’t happen for you, it should."
“It should happen for you, too, friend,” Thor muttered with a half-smile. “It should happen for all of us.”
“What’s that?” Loki asked as he appeared in the doorway as Thor shoved the note quickly into his pocket. He wasn't ready to let Loki read it, if ever. “What should happen for all of us?”
“That you should carry this basket.”
Loki looked to where Thor was pointing down. “How did that get here?”
“It’s from an admirer who left us some very tasty treats.”
“And I suppose your hand hurts too much to carry it.”
“You suppose right,” Thor said with a triumphant smile. “Besides, you know what the doctor said. If I injure it again, healing will only take a longer time. I need to be extremely careful for awhile.”
“And I suppose that you will be a martyr--"
"Of course," Thor agreed with a pleasant smile and an affirmative nod of his head.
"--and will milk the situation to its fullest.”
“I learned from the best.”
“Yes, well, it stops when I have to wipe your ass," Loki said with a tight-lipped smile that had no mirth behind it at all. "You might as well accept that fact from the very start of your recuperation period.”
“Now, I’d be willing to wipe yours,” Thor teased. “If I’ve had my fingers up yours-- and I have-- then wiping it would be a snap.” He snapped his thumb and index finger together on his left hand. It was amazing how quickly he had learned to do that. Maybe being a lefty wouldn't be so bad after all.
But Loki was not suitably amused. “Plus, no more with the graphic audible sounds in regards to that tender area on my anatomy. I've heard enough from there to last me for awhile.”
“What are you looking so pale about?” Thor asked, frowning. “It was my bones that sounded like they were breaking inside you, not your delicate interior. You must have a steel-plated anal canal the way it treated my fingers.”
“But it may take awhile before I can use it the way nature intended for it to be used. It may have received such a shock that it might stop functioning. Then I’ll be constipated.”
“Not a half-glassful kind of guy, are you?” Thor asked with the same tight-lipped smile that Loki had used, except Thor's had no spite behind it.
“Would you be with something like that facing you?!”
“Actually, since it involves your rear end, shouldn’t you ask that in a different kind of way?” Thor asked as he twirled his left forefinger in a circle several times. “I mean, there’s no logical way that you can be facing your own rear end. Is there?”
“Perhaps I cannot, but I will gladly attempt to reconfigure you so that you will have that ability to view your own!” Loki snapped.
“Now, now, no reason to be testy.”
“Testy?! Testy?! I’m walking around like I’ve got a prolapsed ass and looking like I have the same short legs as Toulouse Lautrec had, and you’re acting like I’m in a simple snit!”
"You're just not seeing the humor of the situation."
"That is a little difficult to do when you're in the place where I am."
"Where's that? On ass level with everyone else? You're just not looking at this as an asset."
"I fail to see--"
"Why, you could take up a great career now. You could pull all sorts of tricks for men and women because you're at the right height to walk up to them and service them front or aft. Sidewalk soliciting. You'll be an instant hit. It's never been done before, and you can corner the market... as long as your tongue and lips hold out."
"Not interested. It would be so demeaning."
"Maybe I need to be down on your level to see it." Thor frowned and pretended to be concerned. "Of course, there would be the disadvantage of having to smell all of those farts... since you would be on ass level with all of the farters in the world. And that's just about everyone. Maybe you could wear a gasmask when you aren't working. You know, when you aren't servicing someone."
"Yes," Loki mocked. "I am so appreciative of your concern for my problems."
"Again, you're just not seeing the humor of the situation." Thor grinned. “I did think it was kind of cute when that little boy at the hospital told his mother that he thought you were a genuine cowboy because you were so bowlegged. And then he asked you how long that you had been riding the range.”
“I thought it was highly rude of her to make the remark to me that she did then.”
“Well, you did tell the little boy that it wasn’t the range that you had been riding. And then you glanced at me. Only a moron could have missed what you were implying, and that lady looked like no moron."
“Still, what she whispered to me would be about as difficult for me to do to myself as what you just said I couldn’t do. I'm getting mixed messages about my abilities. That woman clearly thought my abilities were greater than I know them to be. Otherwise, I could get along living the life of a contented hermit, a very contented hermit. But now you tell me I cannot do something else.”
“But I loved the hard-of-hearing couple who had their own opinion of what had happened to you to make you walk the way you were. They must have been farmers because the lady said that her hens walked the same way when they got an egg broken inside of them.” Thor sobered. “Of course, the bad part of that was that the hen generally died because she couldn’t get rid of that mass.”
“I can relate.”
“I hope that doesn’t happen to you.”
“I’ll probably just feel like I can’t lay an egg. Or in my case, can’t take a decent--”
“I’ll give you an enema to prevent that from happening,” Thor offered.
“I think not. You’re too eager.”
“Just being helpful.”
“I know you are. And you did get my pants on me despite your hurt hand.”
“That’s right! And you got mine on me… despite the fact that you were six inches shorter than you generally are.”
“I couldn’t straighten up.”
“I know. The broken-egg-in-your-egg-duct syndrome had kicked in for you.”
“Laugh now, but it isn’t funny.”
“No, what was funny was the look on people’s faces when we burst into that emergency room wearing sudsy-looking pants that were leaving a watery trail behind us. And here we were, trying to help each other despite the fact that I could use only one hand and you were squatted down like you were doing a duck-walk.” He grinned. “Good times!”
“Not appropriate,” Loki told him coldly.
“But--”
“You might as well shut up, Thor, because anything you say is going to be wrong.”
“Well, at least I’m predictable,” Thor told him with amiable charm.
“This situation doesn’t seem to be bothering you very much.”
“Hey, we’re alive and we’re together. The way I’m looking at it, there isn’t anything wrong with that. It could be a whole lot worse, brother. A lot of times, I come out of these situations by myself. You have a nasty habit of not making it and dying on me. I'm surprised you didn't try something like that this time."
"There was no way I could do that by waddling away gracefully. It would've been so undignified compared to my other 'deaths.' I would have inspired snickers and not tears of remorse," Loki explained.
"Yet another lucky thing to happen. And we did have several others. The hospital might not have been right across the highway from our motel room. Some kind of providence was looking out for us there. But there's at least one trucker, though, who probably had to buy himself new underwear at the nearest Walmart.”
"I expect he wasn't prepared to see two guys dressed in terry robes and wet trousers appear suddenly in his headlights."
"I wasn't prepared for it, either. Those airhorns are noisy as hell, aren't they?"
"I suppose they are that way to get people's attention."
"That they got done. And then some." Thor sighed. "Well, come along, Shorty. I've got to get you back to Asgard so you can heal up."
Loki frowned. "Shorty? Why are you calling me that?"
"What else should I call you? You're standing about three foot one right now."
"People will think you're meaning the length of my penis when you call me 'Shorty,'" Loki mumbled, blushing slightly.
"I'll just tell them it's because you have a short attention span," Thor said, pleased with himself.
"They'll know better than that. I'm not the one who's always going around with the puzzled look on his face."
"That's because I cannot figure you out for the life of me, brother," Thor said with a fond smile as he picked up the wicker basket in his left hand.
"I thought you wanted me to carry that."
"You'd burn the bottom off it as you dragged it across the floor. I'd have to put wheels on it so there wouldn't be a trail of sparks indicating where you and the basket were in your travels. Otherwise, I'd have to tie you to a balloon with a long string to it so I wouldn't lose you in case a bunch of schoolkids comes along."
"Back to the 'short' jokes again, I see," Loki remarked with a sigh. "When are you ever going to stop using them?"
"When they stop being funny. And that isn't going to be for a good long while." He looked around in satisfaction. "You know, all in all, this wasn't such a bad place. It was kind of a pleasant place, actually."
"If you overlook the dunking into a dritt-filled mud hole and unusual injuries that raised the curiosity of an entire emergency room from other patients to the medical staff on duty. Not to mention this four-star motel," Loki said derisively as he glanced around at the small room. "And some jerk that offered all sorts of lewd remarks to what was going on with us."
"Don't talk so badly about our curious neighbor from last night. He's the one who left this basket."
"Really? That's interesting. Just goes to show that we don't know who our real friends are, do we?"
Thor shot him a quick glance that would've shown too much of Thor's caring if Loki would have seen it. "No, we don't." Then he quickly changed the subject. "Maybe we can come back here sometime."
Loki frowned at him in puzzlement. "Why would you ever want to do something like that?"
"Oh, to see how the hogs were doing. Renew old acquaintanceships. The sort of thing that old friends do." He smiled as he heard Loki scoff at him. "We did get rather intimate with them, if you remember."
"You and I got rather intimate with each other. Are you wanting a repeat of that, too?"
Thor didn't dare look at Loki. He was afraid that Loki might see the longing and yearning that Thor figured was in his own eyes.
Instead, Thor took a moment to recover and then gave Loki a placid look. "A repeat of what happened between us last night? And get my fingers caught up in your ass and nearly broken off again? Granted, it was a unique experience and one I'd never had before, but not one I wish to do over. You?"
"My thinking exactly."
So they walked away from that motel, just them and their cured ham from an admirer. And neither one broached the subject that there were other parts of Thor that he could ram up Loki's ass with less danger of getting it broken off. But neither one of them mentioned it, because the ham might get tossed aside while the two guys went tearing back to the motel to put their theories to the test.
Besides, Thor wasn't supposed to risk injuring himself over again.
And he sure as hell wasn't going to risk hurting Loki further.
But just like Thor's fingers, Loki's ass wouldn't stay fractured forever.
And then they might have to reconsider their options.