Chapter Text
L’s death has taken a toll on everyone at the Task Force. But it seems to be affecting Light the most. Every single time he wakes up he finds himself weirdly missing the cold and heavy metal chain that once connected himself to L.
He so badly wishes that he had fully processed his feelings for L and at least told him before it was too late. The longer they were together, the more Light fell in love. He knew it was wrong, and that it was weird, and totally inappropriate, but there was no stopping it.
Which is why he’s in a horrible position now. All of this grief has taken a toll on him. This presents 2 conflicting problems. The first, being that he obviously wants to defeat the SPK and freely rule the world as the god of justice. But he’s been totally shaken since the passing. He can’t even focus on the easy busy work he’s given sometimes. This is already showing to be the main conflict. The second problem is that he hates Near. He hates him so much he can’t bear it. He hates his audacity and his ego, thinking he can replace L. He hates how they have the same quiet smile, and huge eyes. He hates how he can’t look at him without seeing L too.
And the reason this is bad, is because he doesn’t know if he even can face Near anymore. He wants to move on, so badly. But it’s getting harder every minute without L.
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- 3 weeks before the meet-up with the SPK -
Oh, god today is going to suck. Light sleepily thinks. Which is practically what he’s been thinking every day.
As he walks into the main room, everyone can tell he’s in a horrible state. His eye bags are darker than ever, and he’s not even taking full steps— more just dragging his feet to move. But he has to push himself. He has to do this.
He hates himself for it, but his probably unrequited love for L had him rethinking if he even wanted to continue being Kira. After all, that would make things easier. But it was way too risky. He didn’t want to throw away everything he had done for someone he wasn’t even sure loved him back.
“Light, Jesus you look bad. Are you alright? Do you need anything?” Matsuda quickly says as soon as he sees him.
“No, no. I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Light says, stifling a yawn.
“You sure about that? I mean the death hit all of us hard, but it’s clear it’s done worse things to you.” Aizawa comments from his seat.
This conversation ends up drawing Chief Yagami’s attention as well. He immediately feels horrible for having to see his son in such a way.
“Light, my son, I’m so sorry to see you like this. Let’s get you back to your room.” The chief says.
”No, dad I promise. I can work today. Just having a hard time falling asleep.” Light says trying to pull the attention off of himself.
”I will not argue about this with you. It’s clear to all of us that you aren’t in your best state currently and that you need rest and a mental break. Don’t feel bad or weak because of this. We all know that you and L grew close, so it’s normal to react this way when losing a friend. We just want the best for you.” Chief Yagami said kindly.
”Watari, if you would, may you escort Light back to his room and make sure he’s alright? Thank you.” The chief added.
Before Light had the chance to resist, he was being taken back to his bedroom.
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