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“Did you fuck her?”
Jay doubts that that was on the table, that there was any world in which Kayla would have fucked him, in which their coffee date turned movie-on-the-couch would have turned into anything but a few chaste kisses, the game ending firmly at first base. She didn’t seem the type to put out, especially not on the first date. Matt probably knows that too, is just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. Jay laughs because it’s funny.
The laughter bubbles in his chest, and where he wouldn’t normally push the issue, he launches himself back into Matt’s space, loops his arms around his neck, and pulls him in for a hug.
“Jeez, Bird, didn’t get any from her, so now you’re all over me?” Matt leers at the camera, grinning.
“I’m not —” Jay pushes him back by the shoulder. “You shouldn’t have thrown that jar at her,” he says, fighting the smile that’s spreading all over his face. He’s sure it’s in his eyes, sure Matt could see it even if he successfully fought it off.
Matt shrugs. “She was a bitch.”
“She wasn’t a bitch,” Jay says. “She was nice.”
“Oh, great, now you’re on her side again,” Matt grumbles. “You’re whipped, man, and you probably don’t even know her last name.”
Jay thinks. He had seen it earlier, on her Facebook page, but it doesn’t come to him now, in this pivotal moment where he could prove Matt wrong. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. Because she’s never going to talk to me again.”
Matt gives the camera another look, like, oh boy, here we go. “And that’s such a loss? You know, there’s probably some okay girl out there who would be interested in you. So you don’t have to stoop to fuckin’... dykes and prostitutes.”
“You’re so annoying,” Jay sighs. “Okay girls aren’t interested in me — and why are you saying okay? You don’t think I could get a good girl?”
“You just said okay girls aren’t interested in you. And you think you could swing a good one? That’s funny. Imagine you with, like, a nice girl. She reads books, and cares about the environment, and maybe has glasses. She wears pants.”
“Normal girls wear pants,” Jay says. “Kayla wore pants.”
“Kayla…” Matt says, tilting his head.
Jay punches him in the arm. “Shut up.”
“You can only pull prudes and sluts,” Matt says. “That girl was never going to put out, and then what? You’d take her on a second date? What do people even do on second dates?”
“Same thing they do on first dates,” Jay says. “I’d probably take her to a movie.”
Matt’s face screws up. “And that’s supposed to be romantic? Here, let’s go sit in a dark room for two hours, I hope you can’t feel my boner through the popcorn bucket — and we go to movies, man,” Matt’s face splits open on a grin, “have you been taking me on second dates this whole time?”
Jay’s eyes dart to the camera. “Can you stop?”
Matt blinks, perking up a little. He suddenly looks ten times taller, having gained some new and secret information about Jay. “Have you?” Matt shoves him. “Are we dating, Bird?”
“No,” Jay says. “No, obviously.”
“Right,” Matt says.
They stand there awkwardly. Jared’s camera swings down and then back up, like he’s considering leaving. Jay runs a hand over his face. Matt looks between him and the camera.
“Uh,” Matt says. “Anyway. I guess that’s it for today, guys.”
The cameramen look at each other and tilt their heads, speaking cameramanese. Matt clicks his tongue, sways on his feet. The cameras get packed up, and then it’s just the two of them, the room hot and honey-like.
“If you’re so desperate to go to a movie, we could just go tomorrow,” Matt says, talking to his feet.
This feels different than any other time they’ve decided to go to the movies together, one or the other appearing with tickets already sourced, more of an announcement than a question. But then again, if Matt had just said ‘we’re going to the movies tomorrow’, Jay would’ve gotten this same weird feeling he has now. Timing is everything. The way Matt’s handling this, it almost feels like —
“Not like a date, of course,” Matt clarifies. “Because… we’re two guys.”
Jay doesn’t bother saying that two guys can go on a date, because that’ll start up not only an over-explanation of why they are not two guys who can go on a date, but also a quasi-homophobic rant. Jay is honestly not in the mood. He takes a different, stupider route.
“I wouldn’t date you if you were a girl, either.”
Matt, having started walking towards the couch, freezes in place. There’s an awful pause, like the world has stopped spinning and Jay’s the only one aware of it. Matt turns around. “What?”
“...What?”
“What do you mean you wouldn’t date me if I were a girl?” Matt says, face blank.
“I mean,” Jay says, mouth going dry. “I mean.”
“Obviously, you would date me if I were a girl, Jay,” Matt frowns. “Obviously.”
“No, I —” Jay says, and then Matt is advancing on him, pushing into his space.
“Why are you being such a dick? I know you would. The fact that you’re saying you wouldn’t is retarded. You’re being contrarian for no reason.”
“It’s not cont— contair— whatever. It’s not. And it doesn’t even matter, because you’re not. You’re a guy, Matt.”
Matt’s face is red with what is probably anger, but the way his face is screwed up says something else entirely. Jay can’t decode it.
“So you like that Kayla girl, but you wouldn’t like a girl like me?” Matt says, walking into the kitchen, leaving Jay to stare at the back of his head. His voice grates Jay’s ears. “I’d be hotter than her,” he says, bending over to reach into the fridge. Jay’s eyes glance over his ass, and he has to shake his head to clear it.
“Bigger tits, probably,” Matt says, unscrewing a beer. He tosses one to Jay, who just manages to grab it before it hits the ground. Matt sits down on the couch with a huff and stares at Jay, who has to manually close his mouth from where it was hanging open. “I know you like big tits, Bird, I’ve seen your search history.”
“Shut up, Matt,” Jay grumbles, opening his beer and taking a few quick gulps. He needs to be drunk as soon as possible, especially if Matt is going to keep this shit up. “Why are you even looking in my search history?”
“It’s our search history,” Matt says. “I was looking for something I searched up, and then I see your disgusting predilections between my very scholarly Googles.”
“Can we stop talking about this?” Jay asks, walking over to sit next to him on the couch.
“Bird, I’ve never wanted to talk about something less, but you’re forcing my hand, here.”
“In what way??” Jay says, baffled.
“You know, if you had a working brain, you’d be able to figure out what I’m getting at,” Matt says. “Your search history… The gross porn you watch…”
“Matt,” Jay frowns.
“Okay, I think you’ve got it,” he says, though Jay hasn’t got it. Matt waits for him and then rolls his eyes. “You literally jerk off to gay dudes all the time.”
“No, I don’t,” Jay says, maybe the fastest he’s ever said anything.
“You know, this is one of those things where it literally makes no sense to lie, because I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”
“So you watched it —”
“You watched it first! And it’s so fucking nasty, man, the shit you search up. With your own fingers. I shouldn’t even let you touch me with them, knowing that you’re typing, like, twink getting pounded into porn sites on the nightly.”
“I’ve never —”
“Yes, you have,” Matt groans. “That’s what’s so frustrating about this, is that you have. And you’ll continue to do it. I bet you’re even gonna do it tonight. And you’re gonna go into it with the intention of deleting your browsing history when you’re done, but you’re gonna get all sad when you finish because you’re the only person on the planet who would deign to touch your dick —”
“Matt,” Jay says, getting angry.
“You know, I’m actually kind of pissed off that you said you wouldn’t fuck me even if I was a girl,” Matt says. “Especially because I know you’re into guys who look like me.”
Jay can’t really see straight as he gets up on his knees on the couch and tackles Matt onto the floor. He’s not sure what his goal is in doing this, isn’t even really sure why he’s so angry, but he rears back and punches Matt in the side, and then grunts as Matt knees him in the stomach.
“Hey, Bird,” Matt says, teeth gritted, “this is kind of like Two Twinks Get Horny After Sweaty Wrestling. I saw that one in your history, ungh,” Jay claws at him, “a bunch.” Matt laughs, that big, annoying laugh of his. “Porn titles are kind of funny, eh? What do you think this one would be called?” Matt says as he rolls them over.
“Shut the fuck up, Matt,” Jay grunts, kneeing upwards and missing.
“That’s not a good title. How about… Blond And Brunet Fight On The Floor Until Brunet Gets A Conveniently Timed Boner And Storms Off?”
Jay rolls them back over, pulls back, and punches Matt in the cheek, who brays again, directly in Jay’s face.
“I bet you’re already almost there,” Matt hisses at him. “I bet if I —” Matt puts a knee up and pushes it against Jay’s dick, which is, yeah, a little hard. “Ha-ha!”
Jay, feeling really wise about his decisions, gets a thigh between Matt’s legs in retaliation and grinds down, succeeding in both feeling his erection and getting a squeak out of Matt, who hitches his hips up against it. Jay should have a celebratory few words to say, but is instead reeling at the fact that he is, kind of, playing out some of the porn he watches with Matt.
In his stupor, he loses track of time as Matt grabs him by the neck and pulls him down to kiss him. He also, maybe, kisses him back a little before pulling away with a gasp.
“What the fuck?”
“You know,” Matt says. “The ‘Storms Off’ part of that title is completely optional. We could do an alternate ending. We could do They Get Off Together instead. We could do And Blond Totally Blasts Brunet’s Ass.”
“I’m not letting you —”
“That’s what you think,” Matt grins. “But, whatever. I’d take a handjob.”
“I’m not giving you a handjob, either, Matt,” Jay says, thigh still pressed between his legs.
Matt gives him a tired pout. “You’re literally no fun. But fine. Here.” Matt takes him by the hips and slots them together, Jay’s dick up against Matt’s thigh and vice versa. He grinds up against Jay’s leg and huffs a dry chuckle. “You need to play along, Bird.”
“Why should I? You’re not making it very enticing.”
“No?” Matt says, tilting his head. And then he reaches down and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Jay puts a hand over Matt’s.
“Don’t — You don’t have to —”
“Hey, I’m just livening things up, yeah? Getting my A-cups out.”
Jay frowns. “I don’t know if they’re —”
“Shh, sh, sh, sh,” Matt says. “This is good.” He lifts up, gets his shirt out from under his back, and lies back onto the floor. “See?”
Jay stares down at him, mouth open, at the moles on his chest, his two slightly puffy nipples. It’s something he’s seen a million times before, but like this, with Matt’s skin flushed and hot, it appears brand new. Jay bends and presses his mouth to the largest of the moles. Matt lets out a giddy noise.
“Holy shit,” he says, voice hushed, like he’s just saying it to himself. “You know, Bird, I thought it was kind of a long shot that you’d go in for this, but I guess that girl kind of left you blue-balled and —”
“Shut up,” Jay grumbles against his skin. “Why are you actively trying to get me to stop?”
“I’m not!” Matt exclaims, looking down at him with big eyes. “I’m totally not. I want you to keep going. Preferably forever. Ad infinitum.”
Jay lets his mouth slide further down until he reaches a nipple. He runs his tongue over it, eyes fluttering shut. Above him, Matt’s gooey-mouthed laugh, a startled sound, like he’s experiencing something he’s never experienced before. He probably hasn’t. Jay delights in that fact and closes his teeth around it.
“Fuck,” Matt gurgles. “Okay. Okay. We get it, you’re a total Casanova. Leave my tits alone, you animal.”
Jay presses his nose into Matt’s sternum and takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself. He wants to, at least, last longer than Matt. He thinks he has a pretty good shot at it. He unbuttons and unzips Matt’s jeans, and, yep, that’s his dick, and it’s leaking in Jay’s hand.
Matt lets out a shaky breath, and Jay looks up at him. They lock eyes for a few seconds and then start laughing.
“Jesus christ,” Matt says, tipping his head back. “I literally feel like I shouldn’t trust you with my dick like that, man. You could just rip it clean off my body.”
“Why would I do that?” Jay mumbles and presses his mouth to Matt’s collarbone.
“Heheh,” Matt chuckles nervously. “I mean, you were kinda mad at me not that long ago. Not to… reopen old wounds. But. I mean, you could — ohh, fuck,” Matt curses as Jay starts moving his hand. “I’m gonna shut up. Should I shut up?”
“No,” Jay says, running his tongue along Matt’s skin.
“Ahaha, right,” Matt says. “I shouldn’t shut up. That’s safe. That’s totally safe, and I won’t say anything, um, extremely mortifying or incriminating, about how I’ve been wondering for like our whole friendship how your hand would feel on my dick, or anything like that.”
“Matt,” Jay says, pressing his grin against his neck.
“Bird, Bird, you gotta understand, this is like wish fulfillment 101, dude. Never in a million years did I think goading you would actually w–work.” Jay twists his hand at the head. “You must be really horny if you’re willing to stoop this low!”
Jay grinds a canine along Matt’s jaw. “You didn’t think you could talk me into it?”
“No!” Matt exclaims. “To be honest, Bird, I’m kind of convinced I’m dead right now, and this is my brain showing me a beautiful fantasy world where I got everything I ever wanted in the last moments before I croak.”
Jay pulls back. “Wouldn’t it show you a show at the Rivoli?”
Matt blinks at him, eyes wide, face flushed. “That’s so fucking secondary, Jaybird.” And he reaches up to pull Jay’s mouth to his by the back of the head.
Jay moans into his mouth, ruts his still-clothed dick against Matt’s thigh. Matt is a sloppy, messy kisser. Too much tongue, too many teeth. Jay likes it anyway. He thinks this might be his favorite kiss he’s ever received, though he wouldn’t ever, ever say that.
Jay grinds down hard, a choked noise leaving his throat. He almost feels like he could come, no real stimulation to his cock, just Matt’s in his hand, just Matt’s tongue in his mouth, just Matt. His breath hitches like a sob, his dick sliding through the wet spot on the front of his briefs over and over and over again.
Matt pulls back and licks his lower lip, his eyes darting all over Jay’s face. “You’re about to come, Birdie, aren’t you?”
“Shut up,” Jay gasps.
“I didn’t even have to touch you,” Matt marvels. “You’re a total slut for me.”
Jay’s hips stutter and, yeah, he’s coming in his pants like a teenager. He lets out a low moan, his breath stuttering in his chest, Matt’s dick sitting ignored in his hand.
“Okay, okay, Bird,” Matt says with some urgency. “That was really hot and all, but I need you to finish jerking me off, now.”
Jay starts up again, strokes him fast and tight, twisting his wrist the way he likes it on himself, and within seconds Matt is coming over his fist with a sharp, hot cry. Jay crushes his mouth to his again, swallowing down the little sounds he makes.
“Bird,” Matt breathes against his mouth. “Jay.”
Jay takes two seconds to acknowledge that the shame he usually feels after sex is nowhere to be found, and carefully shuts down that thought before it can transform into anything else. He nudges Matt’s head to the side with his nose and presses his face into his neck. He breathes him in, the smell of his sweat and, even from here, tucked into this hiding place, the bitter tang of his come.
“Hey, uh,” Matt says. “This doesn’t have to be, like, a thing. If you don’t want it to be.”
If Jay were any stupider than he already is, he’d think this was Matt letting him down easy. He’s smart enough to know at least that it isn’t that. “Shut up, Matt.”
“Just. Giving you an out. If you need one. I know you watch girl porn too.”
Jay sighs. “Does that feel important right now?”
“After I made you jizz in your pants? No, Bird, no, it doesn’t feel especially relevant.”
“Then why are you bringing it up?
Jay feels Matt shrug a shoulder. “I know you. I know you’re gonna get weird with me for like. A business week, and then you’ll go back to normal. But I’m giving you the option to skip that. If you wanted to.”
“So, just, we’re not gonna do this again?”
Matt pushes his fingers into Jay’s hair and tugs him back. “You want us to?”
Jay shrugs back.
“It would make life easier,” Matt ponders, “if you didn’t have to go out and try to get laid every weekend. You could just get laid at home.”
“Yeah,” Jay says, face hot.
“Would we be… dating? I mean, no —”
“—no—”
“No, right?” Matt clicks his tongue. “I mean, yeah. We’d just be… how we always are. Except we’d be, uh.”
“Fucking,” Jay says, hoarse.
Matt laughs, the sound jarring in this silent space they’ve suddenly found themselves in. “Bet that Kayla girl would be like,” he puts on a whiny, nasal voice, “I knew it! if she were here right now, right?”
“Matt,” Jay frowns.
“I’m just saying, like, she totally thought you were gay for me. The way you were like, aw, he’s not that bad, you just have to get to know him!” He puts on the same nasal voice for Jay that he did for Kayla. “That was cute, Bird. Really cute.”
Jay chews his cheek. “Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“So.”
“We should probably get off the floor, eh?”
“Yeah,” Jay nods. He shifts and grimaces, the wet in his boxers now cold and tacky.
Matt chuckles, sitting up. “Yeah, coming in your pants isn’t great past, like, the initial eroticism of it, huh?”
Jay sits back on his heels and looks down at his shirt, smeared with Matt’s come. “Man,” he groans.
“Hey,” Matt nudges him with his foot. “My mom knows a good dry cleaner.”
“If we take this to your mom’s dry cleaner, he’s gonna tell your mom that you brought in a bunch of jizz-stained clothes,” Jay says.
Matt thinks about this. “We need to find a discreet dry cleaner.” He gets a far-off look in his eye. “Discreet dry cleaner…” He sits up straighter. “I’m the discreet dry cleaner!” he says, voice deep. “I don’t turn away anyone! Murderers, sexual perverts…”
Jay blinks at him and then gets up to sit at the piano, resigned to the fact that he’s going to have to peel his briefs off later when they’ve fully fused to his body. He hits a few sinister notes.
Matt’s hands land on his shoulders, and he jumps. He feels a quick kiss pressed into the crown of his head, and then they’re off.