Work Text:
(Scene opens up at the McCloud house. Krystal McCloud walks up to Phineas, Ferb, Marcus and Buford, who are standing under the tree in the backyard.)
Krystal: Hi kids!
Phineas: Hi Krystal!
Marcus: Hi Mom!
Krystal: What are you boys doing?
Marcus: Me and Phineas were just telling Buford about phone booths.
Buford: And I'm not buying it!
Krystal: Oh no Buford, they were real. They were tiny rooms where you could talk on the phone in private.
Phineas: Yeah! And you'd have to put coins in them to make calls.
Buford: You guys are blowing my mind!
Krystal: Speaking of coins... What's this here? Behind your ear? (Reaches behind Marcus's ear.) It's a ¥500 coin!
Buford: How did you do that?
Krystal: A magician never reveals his secrets. (Walks away)
Buford: Your mom's really great at tricks!
Marcus: Not really, I just keep a bunch of quarters behind my ear 'cause she enjoys it so much. (Pulls a handful of quarters from behind his ear.)
Buford: Wanna see what I got behind my ear? (Pulls a large ear from behind his ear.) It's another ear!
Baljeet: (Appearing from behind Buford.) Miiiindfliiip.
Marcus: Baljeet, what are you doing?
Baljeet: I am Buford's hype man. Check him out! Miiiindfliiip.
Phineas: That's great! You can be a hype man for all of us. Because I know what we're gonna do today. We're putting on a magic show! Hey, where's Ferb?
(Buford's head flips back and reveals Ferb in Buford's body.)
Buford: Ta-da! I switched my body for a dummy of myself, that Ferb climbed into when you looked away.
Baljeet: Miiiindfliiip!
(Scene changes to "Starbucks" coffee shop. Nazuna Hiwatashi and Riku are standing next to each other in line.)
Nazuna: (Glances back and notices Riku.) I knew I’d see you here.
Riku: Same to you.
Nazuna: Really?
Riku: Yeah. I should be thanking you… Nazuna Hiwatashi.
Nazuna: You’re too much… Riku.
Riku: Aw, shucks!
Nazuna: Should we even be seen in the same room together? I mean, legally, since we’re from different worlds?
Cashier: What can I get for you two?
Nazuna and Riku: (At the same time) Frappuccino with chocolate powder on top and a ginger scone please. (Glances at each other)
Cashier: ...and two straws no doubt.
Riku: Okay, putting aside the fact that we’re from different worlds, want to have those Frappuccinos together?
Nazuna: Sure, sounds cool.
(Scene changes to Perry's lair)
Major Monogram: Morning Agent P. I guess we're getting a little bit of a late start. Our sources say that Doofenshmirtz is on his way to "Starbucks", the hippest Wi-Fi coffee house in town. We need you to get there before he arrives and stop him from doing anything, you know, nefarious. (pauses) I've got a "Word a Day" calendar.
(Scene change to the McCloud backyard.)
Candace: Phineas, Ferb, Marcus, what is this?
Phineas: We're putting on a magic show. Do you want to be in it?
Candace: Marcus, I'm calling your Mom right now. (Pulls out her Smartphone)
Marcus: Yeah Mom! She can be in it too.
Buford: A cell phone! Perfect! (Grabs Candace's phone)
Candace: Hey!
Buford: Watch this trick. (Covers the cell phone with a cloth and smashes it with a hammer) Voila! One Smartphone transformed into miscellaneous electronic parts!
Baljeet: Miiiindfliiip!
Candace: Okay, really amusing. Bring it back.
Buford: It's not that kind of trick.
Candace: Ughh! I can still use the landline.
Buford: The landline? That was my first trick! (Holds up broken landline phone pieces)
-cut to Starbucks-
Riku: It's so awesome that we ran into each other once more. Can you imagine the look on both our best friends’ faces if they saw us here together?
Nazuna: (Laughs) I'm surprised Sora hasn't seen you yet.
Riku: Yeah, where's Dr. Doofenshmirtz's Date-Ruin-inator?
Nazuna: (Laughs) So this is a date?
Riku: Well, isn't it?
Nazuna: Maybe.
(Perry walks in the front door and sees Nazuna and Riku)
Nazuna: Do you usually have coffee with people who are Netflix characters?
Riku: No, just Kairi... and Sora. He’s my best friend after all.
Nazuna: Oh see, now I feel special.
Riku: Yeah, but Sora likes Kairi a lot.
Nazuna: Yeah.
Riku: I've got standards. You know Dr. D's tower got to be a building shaped like a... like a...
Nazuna: An Easter Island head?
Riku: Oh my gosh, exactly. What is that all about?
Nazuna: I have no idea. Hold that thought, this needs more milk.
(Walks to a table for milk where Perry's in disguise)
Nazuna: Perry? What are you doing here? Listen Perry, I know you’re a secret agent but I don’t even have pets that are really agents. So I’d really appreciate it if you let me date Riku and have us handle Doofenshmirtz and stop him for you. This is going pretty well and I wouldn't want him to spoil it. Can you keep your secret identity between us? (Perry nods) Thanks Perry.
(Doofenshmirtz pulls up to Starbucks and walks in the front door)
Doofenshmirtz: Starbucks in Shibuya! Vanessa says the coolest people in Shibuya hang out right here.
Riku: Well, I studied under Master Terra. I mean it was fun cuz he taught me everything he knows.
Nazuna: Everything? About being a true Keyblade... (Doofenshmirtz walks in front and Nazuna's voice fades out)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah waiter, you mind if I tell you my evil scheme? My-My nemesis didn't show up today and I still have to get it out. I figured since I'm getting nowhere with the older Japanese Tri-state population, maybe I should go for the younger demographic. So, behold! The Cool-inator! Well, you can't really behold it, it's...it's out in the car. But trust me, it's behold-worthy. First, I will suck all the cool out of this place, it being the hippest coffee house in town. Then, I will blast myself with the cool concentrate, transforming into such an "awesome dude" that you, disaffected youth, will have no choice but to follow me blindly and help me, you know, take over the Japanese Tri-State Area! Anyway, the Cool-inator is so hip, it only runs on espresso, so let's fill her up.
Cashier: (Takes out headphones) What'd you say dude?
Doofenshmirtz: ...I need ten gallons of espresso.
Cashier: We only serve it in this cup, man.
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, really?
Cashier: It's espresso, man.
Doofenshmirtz: Fine. Let's see... this is about a quarter cup... and there's two cups in a pint... that would make... I'll have nine-hundred ninety nine more of these please.
Cashier: ...There are six-hundred forty quarter cups in ten gallons, man.
Doofenshmirtz: (Outside pouring a cup of espresso into the Cool-inator) This is gonna take a lot of trips.
(Scene change to the McCloud house, where Marcus, Phineas and Ferb perform tricks)
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the Mindflip! For centuries, shaman conjured magic for their tribes, and countless magicians practice hocus pocus for their audiences.
Baljeet: It is a... Miiiindflip.
Phineas: How do we do it? I'll tell you how, if you can keep a secret. It's. A. Trick!
(Scene change to Starbucks)
Riku: So, you flew from Danville with wings or on a airplane?
Nazuna: I had to take an airplane. I was able to use all paychecks from Mr. Slushy Dog to get a ticket when I heard Michiru was here. But, I’m still looking for her.
Riku: Oh dear. Well, I’m still looking for Sora. Can you believe it?
(Riku and Nazuna talk and share stories indistinctly in the background while Doofenshmirtz walks back and forth from the counter to the car with espresso, as Perry hides the two from his view with assorted objects.)
(Song: "Won't Keep Us Apart")
♪ I know that you and I ♪
♪ We come from different places ♪
♪ There's no telling why or who your heart embraces ♪
♪ These feelings that we share, ♪
♪ There's a reason they're inside us ♪
♪ They're both aware of the list of things that won't divide us ♪
♪ The sun and the stars and the moon and the planets won't keep us apart ♪
♪ A herd of wild wildebeests, a gaggle of flamin' geese won't keep us apart (Won't keep us apart) ♪
♪ Duct-taped bungee cords, fiberglass diving boards, won't keep us apart ♪
♪ A device designed specifically to keep us apart won't keep us apart ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Hit me again. Hey do you mind if I use your restroom? I mean, technically I haven't had any coffee here, but I've bought coffee here and I thought that would qualify. I had a lot of coffee earlier this morning... Heh, okay TMI, I get it.
(Perry sets a trap causing Doofenshmirtz to slide and skid into the restroom without seeing Nazuna.)
Doofenshmirtz: Is this...Waaaah!
Nazuna: Boris made me lie to all the beastmen... (indistinct)... thinking I was the silver wolf.
Riku: Yeah. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time Organization XIII tried to make Sora their puppet, I’d have two nickels, one in Castle Oblivion and another in the sleeping worlds.
Nazuna: Yeah, weird.
Doofenshmirtz: (screams as he skids on the way out of the bathroom, stopping at the counter, sighs) … You’re out of paper.
(Scene change to Mindflip)
Phineas: Through the power of enchantment, and a few nifty dance moves, Ferb, Marcus and I have conjured the glitter demons and are ready to pull off…
Candace: Phineas, Ferb, Marcus you are so busted! What is this thing? Get me out of here!
(Scene change to Starbucks)
Doofenshmirtz: (Pouring the last cup into the Cool-inator) Finito!
(Doofenshmirtz walks into Starbucks with the Cool-inator)
Doofenshmirtz: Alright, heads up hipsters, get ready to lose your cool!
Riku: Well what I meant is… uh, oh. Take cover!
Nazuna: What? Oh, right!
Riku: While we were busy dating, Dr. D must’ve been fueling some sort of… Cool-inator?
Nazuna: I get the feeling it’s going to drain the coolness out of these people. We need to get Perry out of here.
(Riku and Nazuna push Perry into the front door of Starbucks)
Riku: Perry, stay here and let us handle Doofenshmirtz.
Nazuna: And I’ll wait for Riku’s signal.
(Perry looks offended.)
Doofenshmirtz: Say goodbye to your street cred, hip-cats! (turns on the Cool-inator)
Male Customer 1: So I said to him, "Step off my guest list, poser." (gets zapped by the Cool-inator) You want to hear how my nose whistles?
Male Customer 2: Yeah man, you know, it's all about my blogs, you know. I blog about blogs that blog about other blogs. (gets zapped by the Cool-inator along with Female customer)
Female customer: You want to hear a dream I had about my cat?
Male Customer 3: Can I get some more local, organic water? (gets zapped by the Cool-inator) I can't drink any more iced tea, because when I drink iced tea I get craazyyyyy.
(Scene change to Mindflip backstage)
Candace: Finally, daylight. Marcus! Phineas and Ferb! (Fox and Krystal's car pulls up in front of the house.) That's Krystal's car! Krystal! (Runs outside)
(Scene change to Starbucks)
Doofenshmirtz: Now to set the -inator on "reverse" and blast myself with all of the cool!
Riku and Nazuna: Not today! Hiyah!
(Riku and Nazuna flip the Cool-inator onto Doofenshmirtz, where it shoots a ray before exploding. The ray bounces off a satellite.)
(Scene change to Candace meeting Krystal and Fox in front of the house)
Candace: Phineas and Ferb built a really dangerous magic show in the backyard! You've gotta bust them!
(Krystal and Fox get hit by the Cool-inator ray)
Fox: Really Candace? Busting? That's so episode one of “Phineas and Ferb”.
Krystal: There's a Luciano Rigatoni festival at the art house.
Fox: Let's go.
Candace: But Rigatoni's work is passionless! With minimal importance! Every piece betrays its own lack of interest in the subject matter!
(Scene change to Starbucks)
Doofenshmirtz: You know, this is very uncool of you. By the way who are you two?
Riku: My name is Riku.
Nazuna: And my name is Nazuna Hiwatashi.
Doofenshmirtz: What?! That means… you’re from Kingdom Hearts and BNA!!
(Riku and Nazuna glance and nod at each other as they extend wings)
Doofenshmirtz: What?! Wings?! Tha... (Riku and Nazuna flap their wings and take off) Uh... alright I'll give that to you, that's-that's kind of cool. Cause’ you’re beastmen.
Customers: Are you cyber? Uh, want to do a sketch in my sketch book? Where'd you get that gnarly lab coat?
Doofenshmirtz: No! No! No you're nerds! Get away from me, I'm not like you! I'm... I'm cool! Or, I was going to be cool, when I shot myself with the -inator, which is now destroy... uh... curse you Riku and Nazuna!
(Scene change to Riku and Nazuna flying across the city)
Riku: ...So wanna do this again?
Nazuna: (hands Riku her card) Call me.
(Scene change to Mindflip)
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, in our grand finale, we make everything disappear!
(Everything disappears)
Audience: Ooooh!
Candace: Phineas?! Ferb?! Marcus?! (Sees Perry) Oh there you are Perry. (enters backyard) Where is it?! What happened?!
Audience member: All gone!
Candace: You two!
Phineas: Here's your phone. (Hands Candace her cell phone)
Candace: It's totally fine! Okay, this may be an easy enough trick, but how did you make the whole show disappear?
Ferb: A magician never reveals his secrets.
Candace: That's a little cliché Ferb, don't you think?
(Ferb's head flips back, revealing Baljeet inside the Ferb dummy)
Baljeet: Miiiindfliiip!
THE END
An Oath to Return
KINGDOM HEARTS