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“Duuudeeee………”
America said that after he opened the first ever gift of his life. It was from Japan!!!!!! He reached inside and pulled it out for everyone to see. Unfortunately it was not a gun but! It was a dog collar!
”Do you like it?” Japan asked expectantly with those huge beady soulless eyes of his. And then he did like some weird shifty thing in his pants idk i got too scared to continue typing this out
America met his gaze with those teary uke-like smitten eyes, “Bro. I love it. I love YOUU SO MUCHH This would TOTALLY improve our bedroom time!!!”
Oh
Everyone was like still in shock because of that whole dog collar moment but then france started to clap (hands or cheeks ill let u decide) and then everyone slowly gathered up and clapped awkwardly. Because ayoo😂😂 And then America did this like run and hug embrace to Japan and lowkey crushed his ribs and he almost died but luckily TwinkleToes001 was called and came to the rescueee by providing the most sloppiest cpr mouth to mouth
Ok so then Russia walked closer to the scene yk with the whole dog collar gift open for the world to see and he was like “Aww cute dog. Pat pat” and yeah bro he went and patted America on that crispy blond toupee hair of hisszzsz
But then Japan got up and he was mad as freak bro like yo dont touch his uke?? Or seme…..or..seke❤️ “He’s my dog. Dont touch him.” And after that Japan and Russia lowkey had a staredown of dominance like kyaaa omgg im wet
AND THEN Russia pulled out something long and shiny (not that way perv) and everyone lowkey took a step back except switzerland yo this dude brought a whole pistol wit da silencer to a private birthdya party 🥀😭💔like alright man. Actuallt who even invited him. Yeah next time take Liechtenstein and Austria off the invites list too bcs no. Sorry i got off track but yeah everyone was scared on what Russia was finna do but then!!! It was actually another birthday gift for good ole America here!
Russia did his signature creepy smile but he looked cute doing it bcs he alwayssss slooks socute, ”Gift from me to you. I thought you could use a metal pipe from me. Its not as big as compared to mines though kolkolkol” or whtv he does
Ermm America looked a bit baffled because dude. How else are u supposed to react to a tiny metal pipe with a little bow on it. but yk he genuinely believed Russia gave this to him out of the kindnesss of his heart❤️so he threw it aside and it accidentally knocked that guy called Canada out because i dont like him, “Oh…. Thanks.. dude. I like it so much!” Ameirca flashed his golden grills because yeah he has that
but no… just when u thought it was over guess who waltzed over here. GUESSS GUESS AHAHAH IT WAS ROMANO OMG THE CUTE CUEYYAH Ahh okmmg orgasm alert orgasm alert my privates are drenched my body is soakedd im sweating more than a necrophiliac at an open casket funeral holy cow Romano touch meee touch me touch my sensitive plump body —thats what America was thinking btw lol not me lol.lol Hi
ANYWAYS~~ Romano walked up with his man boobs that bounced boobily and gosh that sexy hot totally attractive strut of his and okgogmg he said in the most mpreg voice ever, “You bastardo.” Yeah thsts all he said cs if i write any more lines im gonna faint
and then he threw a half bitten tomato at his head and Alfred was like bitch?ouch? But he realized it wws half bitten and he started licking dat sucker up and imagining just how lucky this tomato was to have Romanos blessed teeth bite into it and let the juices flow into his sacred mouth… hnngghh…
But like he did it as a joke. To be funny
but no one laughed so he played this like laugh track he got from those corny old family sitcoms that he lobes so much
idkkkkkdikdkk dik dik
Bruh but right when America was finna open his tomato stained lips to say thank you 💔frickin Prussia THAT COCKBLOCKER HE JUST HADDD TO COME AND WHEN I MEAN COME I MEAN LITERALLY LIKE He stared at Romano too long and his pants wereee also soaked which is… lowkey #real
buttttt!!!!! Its okaaaayyy!!! Ittsss oookaayyy! Because Prussia cleaned up his drool and stuff and walked over with Denmark to give America a super duper awesome gift which was.. ummm wait im still thinking on what it should be
omg they gave him a rotissseire chicken! But…its pretty tiny and theres still some feathers on it and. And omg they cooked gilbird
Ok well maybe Prussia didnt know because he sniffed the chicken and he then dropped it on the floor in shock AND HE RAN OUT WITH TEARS FLOWING OUT OF HIS BEAUTFUL RED ORBSS. Denmark was sad because bruh this was his last minure gift. How was he supposed to know that dumb yellow bird that only said the word “Whatsapp” was supposed to be Prussias pet? Like cmon.
Denmark then cried into Norways arms hm but I feel like cutting off Norways arms so that he doesnt get to embrace him so i did just rhat
Sweden and Finland never stopped their dfreaky deaky dirty talk while this was happening and Iceland didnt CARE bcs he didnt even SHOW UP becasue bro went to Buccees with Hong Kong😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔im deadinnnggg
yes……. Americas biryhday party is in Tejas…
“Awwww you guys!!! The awesome trio is finally back again! I love my boys this is totally sick!” America completely disregarded everythung that just went down and🤤America…🤤then…🤤shook…🤤his…🤤butt………. Out of pure happiness🤤he so lucky Japan aint behind allat
If youre wondering where Japan is he went back to the food area and was stuffing his face with more sodium. Unfortunately he wont die because TwinkleToes001 is on standby
TwinkleToes001 is naked
wait thats me
dude i can really put anything in here and yall would read it wow thats crazy ok hm
Anyways. Just when things were getting good. Romano’s even gayer little brother aka Felidiot jumped in the picture while he was doing a handstand on top of Ludwigs head because hes cool and he can #doThat and he opened his mouth to say some kind words while giving his gay gift
“😁😁🗾🙏‼️🛻🛻🦯🗣️👨❤️💋👨👀👨❤️💋👨👀👨❤️💋👨👀👨❤️💋👨👀👨❤️💋👨🥀😍😍📢🪩🪫✌️🙂🙃🎱🎞️😇🥳🤩🎉🎉🎉🎊🙌🍾🎆🎇🛕”
Yeah nobody understood what he fucking said. idek why they hang out with him like nobody knows wtf hes saying.
India: What
Bro what is he doing here. u be the movie in when we in the wrong fanfic🧟♂️a white tear ran down my shaky leg
Ludwig’s gift to America was Feliciano becasue we need to cannibalize him.
Andyes as u saw earlier France is here. Just lurking like the pervvv he isss. But le frenchette stepped into the light with a certain grumpy bitter sarcastic ugly (actually hes very cute tooSorrh theyre all so cute! I love boys!! I LOVE BOYS!!!) bushy eyebrowed british chav and like the beautiful toxic homosexual married couple they are teeeheee they both had a hand on this huggeeegift box and handed it to America
“D-Dads..?”
Yesss we are ur dads here take this gift
le frenchette said frenchly, “Oui oui bagueette, j’maipale ur dad#2 and me and ur dad decided to chip in for our fat sons birthday!~” The blondette frenchette —Wait isnt taht for females…oh well— rested his head on the smaller shoulder belonging to the crazy british guy who killed way over 15k humans in his life time
”Yeah. You remember the unicorn i left to watch over you right? It told me how youve been staring at this poster for hours on end on multiple days and [insert other random gay british slang here bcs im too lazy]”
America lowk wasnt listening to that old man cus bro what unicorn ? Ok whatever so then america whipped out a WHOPPING 250 BURGERS BECAUSE ITS HIS 250 BIRTHDAY AND HIS PARENTS ARE JUST SO NICE
Except England cus he was coughing bloo d again. is there a thing such as pads for your mouth? Hes on his oral menstrual cycle ig
Omg also ?? Completely random but South Korea popped out of nowhere and he was actuallt like super chilll
Hes doesnt touch peoples nipples anymore or has some weird incesty fetish towards China
Chatgpt was a very great therapisrt
He tossed some seaweed soup over to America and yk fhe fat quarterback he is😂bro caught it with ease (actually lesson time. The quarterbacks in Ame Football arent really the ones catching the ball but more so the ones throwing it because they start off with holding the ball in the first place and they have to throw it to other players that are further down the field to make the goal quicker and easier. That makes sense yes. I know rhis becasue…… lol im not telling u?)
So yeah America shouted thank you noona which makes no sense btw cus none of them are girls …….currently….. but ok and he ate the seaweed soup in one bite… he didnt choke cus he got that deep throat baby😍gawk gawk 3k
Coughss. okay so then everyone in order gave their gifts. Spain gave America a dora the explorer CD and Ame almsot shot him in his skull. Belgium gave him a soccer ball cs like dont they play against each other in the WC sooner or later idfk. The other Nordics gave him cheap Ikea furniture that was…pulled out of his own homeHowd they even get in. Switzerland and Austria gave him the same cheap brand of cheese like exactly the ones u put on mouse traps omggg😂😂😂😂AUSTRALIA gave him a new disease called the scorpion disease and basically you cant stop licking the person u love the most (Japan tasted like salt btw. Not from sweat but from all the food.) Hungary and Ukraine…. Um idk whag they gave him. Poland gave him Nail POLISH bcs it was in the colors of polan lol how clever yeah. All the other 180 countries gave him random craapp. The baltic trio couldnt give anything tho cuz they wre busy licking Russias shiny shoes (im so jelous)
Except Lithy
Ayo what da Lithy doing
da lithhyyyy~~~
Lithy was chugging down dirty sodas and getting drunk faster than someones nft-obsessed uncle at a mormon wedding in Utah
Ok so yes we alllll thought they were done and almost statted rhe disco party back up but then…
Then GIlbird was actually ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME!!!!!!! Whatsapp Whatsapp Whatssssaaappppp
Nah but nobdoy reallt cared frl the real thing was that there was some noise coming from behind the curtain. Where did the curtain appear from oh yeah shut up smart guy this is my fafnic
America was confuzzled like “What the shit….”
somewhere in the crowd Romano was like bro rhats what I say but ok. Stealer
“Bro if i pull back this curtain and I dont see Japan lathered up in baby oil shaking it booty butt naked Im airing it out and I put that on England.”
Whar
Bro….. england died…
spiritually
It wasnt Japan and america somehow DIDNT air it out soo… who could warrant this kind of reaction??
”Feliz cumpleaños caca head.”
“OH. EM. GEE. MEXIE IS THAT REALLY YOU???!!”
AMERICA SQUEELLED AND TWINKLETOES001 SQUEALED TOO LIKE WHATT THIS IS CRAZIER THAN YAOI ON THE OPRAH WINFREY TALK SHOW
Mexie was about to hand his gift but his beautiful vast brown orbs turneeedd slightly and saw an unmoving half-ghost country thing
“Ayo what the hell Canadá doing knocked out on the floor! ”
“And ill have you know you pendejo gordo tell me why i passed by so many strange uncanny valley type ‘mexicans’ here? What the hell is a ‘no quema cuh’ even supposed to mean?” Mexico yelled with like steam coming out of his ears and little did he know America has a degration kink lol. And a praise kink. He has everything including trichtomillia something
mvm thats only Prussia
but yah everyone kinda jjst watched AND LAUGHEDDD as it all unfolded and nobody cared to help Mexico bcs bro BROO he always acgs like he knows everything and then when people actually try to help he gives them SHITTT
HE GIVES THEM SHITT MEXICO IS UNC AND NOBODY CARES TO HELP HIM OUT!!!
67 I mean Sealand was about to say some weird brainrot thing but i got sniped down through a window and died on the spot. Twinkletoes001 couldve stopped it but like ummm my arms and legs got cut off
so carefully… delicately.. America opened the horribly wrapped gift box that loiks like its been kicked around before given to him
Omg sorry i had to cut in but im on this plane and i gen feel like im going to shit myself i cant do this please help im scared to fart and i look down and i leave a watery slimy slug trail
Edit: im okay now
ookayy and action
BOOM A Huge FRICKIN EXPLOSION RIGHT IN FRONT OF AMERICAS FACE LIke its all over bro its genuinely alllll ovevrr like idk how were gonna clean this up
Mexico bro he frickin laced Americas birthday present and packed live fireworks to trigger the minute theyre exposed to definitely unsafe flourescient lighting ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹merrry new fourht of july day of born America!!!
and everyone went “Ooooohhh” because its americas boooooothhday and the one guy that neevr shows up for ANYTHING on time, sexy Mexie, shows up to his weird enemy arch rival homoerotic country things birthday
and like said before the party was in Tejas aka one of his children before he no longer had custody
So yeah now Mexie was there laughing in Español bcs of Americas demise and Spain and Romano tried to join in and laugh too but Mexico got pissed like always and shoved a firecracker down (or up……..) their hole
unfortunatelt nobody actually blew up but just know that Japan would be the first person to run and bathe in those american guts yummm
NOWWW everyone FINALLYY thought everyhting was gonna stay chill till the rest of the night
so they can launch 67 fireworks
not 67 fireowrks. Fireworks in the shape of 67 btw it was sealands dying wish
ok and heres the final icing on the cake, literally:
there was actually a hole left in the ceiling from where Mexies stupid fireworks blew through……. So after everyone miraculously cleaned themselevs up (they al licked each other clean) there was a bright light shinining down into the private building…
IT WAS SO BRUGHTT AND EYE BLINDINF And it looked like it was getting closer??
no it was not tung tung sahur i will find you and kill you if you only had rhat in your head
it was…… GREEN_NARUTO38?!?!!!
WHAT!
”Hello moe moe kyun!~ America-kun!..”
sorry wait there was a glitch in my typing how the heck did Japan hack me again ok heres what gn38 ACTUALLT said:
“Hello America…”
it was all ominous with that sultry undertone and did things to my body
Oh DUde but all the other countries were not having it they were like what in the diddly squat is happening rn
Like beuh there is some floating being in front of us right now who obviously hasnt unlocked the options to use colors yet wtf
okkkk and then America decided to take charge like the Hero he is. Haha he raised his cute little blond eyebrow with that cute little confused and shocked face, “Umm dude like who are you how do you know my name”
AT FIRST.. America did question his extra terrestrial friend named Mr Tonny but nahhh it couldnt be because this being in front of him right now was so beautiful with [insert eye color, hair color, everything color here] and yk what it was just like reading the most magnificent yuri that has about 3 other fans and one of them consist of your weird middle school Science teacher who only likes teaching the class so he can watch the kids disect the frogs lol
#Relatable #ImStripping
but like the big brained perosn GN38 is bro stopped me mid monologue of this fic to continue whatever storyline is here … ,
”I am Green_Naruto38 because the fanfic just said that. And I know you because…”
everyones breath hitched. Which thank goodness because it was starting to stink and get really fucking musty in here no does nobody beleive in brushing their teeth anymore? Ok sorry
”Because I am your father.”
“😱😱🐻❄️🥬🥬🥥😱😱😨🚜”
Yes that was Feliciano’s bitch ass talking again.
And and and and bro All this build up just for a star wars rip off type plott gtfo my face
no but unsurprisingly (bcus of how old they are like way beyond boomer gen) the countries really ate that storyline up and all of a sudden everyone had a piece of that extra suggary deep fried red 40 one way trip to diabetes slop that America called party food
The silence probed the glorious Green_Naruto38 to continue blessing us with wise words of wisdom,
”But only because I was a sperm donor.”
Now EVEHRONE gave those unreliable Fruk parents weird looks becausee😂😂😂😂do u hear the words coming out of bros mouth? Yes they would rather beleive an otherwordly being rather than the countries they've known for over a millennia. The big GN38 has the power to convinve them like that: its called AURAA 🤣🤣🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱
ew but yeah so while everuone gave fruk weird looks Fruk gave EACH OTHER weird looks cus like say whaaaaattt and basically ill try and paraphrase it as canon aspossible
England eye-fucked France first sayijg this but not actually saying this, “Wtf is this goober talking about a sperm donor. Which one of us got pregnant again? Was it you who took that sperm?”
France gave back bedroooolmm eyess nghh the things i would do to videotape and watch them go at it in the bedroom bro🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤where was i, “Mon lapin idk what this thing is talking about~ Yk I only took ur sperm and more~ if u want to keep interrogating me lets go somewhere more private~”
France added one last “~” through his eyes for gay measure
because he always does that. Idfk why?? I didnt make the chatacters??
Err um yeah! everyone! eventually !took! their eyes off of those two because now they were making out passionately and bumping into stuff on their way to the yaoi dungeon. Yes yaoi dungeon in Texas its hetalia looooggiicvc brooo IF JAPAN AND AMERICA ARE IN A HOMOZYGOUS RELATIONSHIP THEIR COUNTRY BOUNDARIES AND STUFF CAN JUST BLEND LIKE THAT OKAY
Umm oh sorry yeah Green_Naruto38 is waiting for me to continue the monologue i sorry!!!!!~~,
“Yes. Fruk and.. sufin.. might sometimes seem as ur real parents and while that is true to an extent. I am also ur father in a different universe. And im sorry for not being in ur life until sooner…”
???????whudafuq
Sufin stopped building furniture to stare in astonishment like theyev been caught and America just…
um
I dont think America is processing any of this hes kinda like just standing still. The kind where ur testicle pops yeeeoouuchhhh
Green_Naruto38 continued, knowing just how to drive me crazy with that addicting voice, “Ur 250 years old now and I think your old enough to know the truth.”
“Also im dating and married and in a homosexual yuri aroace relationship with that one weird person in the corner there,”
GREEN NARUTO POINTED TO
Netherlands!
Whatbthebhell no NOOOK WTF IS HE DOING HERE GET HIM OUT
no wtf hes in the way omfggmf why is his disgustinf corpse still here in the first place hes literallt crashing the party
ok sorry umm just imagine him being dragged away to see the true reveal:
TwinkleToes001
YOOOOOOOOO THATS ME
and so, TwinkleToes001 then leaped up from the corner where she was forcing her pet rabbit, Lilo, to make her proud at least once in that fat lazy rabbit life of hers and read fanfics
And after all that… everyone clapped at such a display of a proffessional and entertaining soap opera not knowing that it was real this whole time cus bruh theyre idiiiootoosos
Well france didnt clap tho
France came back in the party room butt ass naked for whatever reason but everyone lowk vibed with it cus yk we in a joyous whimsical mood rn
“Happy birthday America.” Everyone said in unison except Canada and Sealand who were dead
And Mexico actually left a long time ago to throw his own party but no one showed up it could only be described as a sweaty ballsack
…
Lilo if your reading this which I KNOW YOU AREEE YOU SKINWALKER I hate you and I hope you stop humping my shoe
Bye oh Ghe End
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALFRED F JONES