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Part One
“Patrick!!!!!”
“Patrick!!! Come quick, come quick, come quick!!!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming. Where are you?” Patrick yells out in response to Rachel’s screams as he rushes towards their bedroom.
“Bathroom!! Hurry!!”
“What is going on, Rach? Are you okay?” Patrick asks as he dashes into their ensuite.
“Ew, ew, ew, ew!! Over there,” she shrieks, pointing at the small black shape huddled in the corner next to the shower door.
“Jesus, Rachel. Another spider? I thought you had slit an artery from the way you were screaming.” Patrick throws up his hands in frustration as he goes back into the bedroom to grab a magazine.
“You know I hate spiders. Now kill it,” she demands, back pressed against the open bathroom door, as far away as possible from the offending arachnid.
“Oh, I know. I’m beginning to think you only asked me to move in here to be your own personal spider-hunter,” Patrick responds as he brings down the rolled-up magazine with a loud bang.
“Happy now?” he asks as he grabs a tissue and cleans up the remaining mess.
“Very happy,” she responds. “You’re my hero,” she says more sweetly.
“Happy to be of service,” he grumbles as he starts to move past her through the doorway.
Reaching out, she grabs him by the hips, trying to pull his larger body towards her petite frame.
“Well, I would be happy to reward you for that service, Mr. Brewer,” she says in a sultry voice, batting her eyelashes, and pursing her lips.
“It’s okay, no reward is necessary. I really don’t mind killing spiders,” Patrick says with an awkward laugh as he places a chaste kiss to her forehead and leaves the bathroom.
Standing alone in her spider-free bathroom, Rachel lets the back of her head bang against the door, blowing out a deep sigh of frustration.
Part Two
“Patrick, I need you to come here, please,” David says calmly, standing in the doorway to the extra bedroom Patrick uses as a home office.
“Okay,” Patrick responds to his husband, hitting save on his computer and getting up from his chair. “Where are we going?”
“Bathroom.”
“Right, lead the way,” Patrick says as he places a hand on David’s back and follows him to their bedroom. He has a fairly good idea about the nature of this summons.
Entering their ensuite, David simply points at the small black shape huddled in the corner next to the shower door. “There.”
“Well, at least it’s just a spider this time and not some sort of demonic cricket. We can’t have it taking chunks out of your beautiful face or nesting in that perfect, sloppy mouth of yours, now can we,” Patrick teases as he searches under the bathroom cabinet for supplies kept there specifically for this purpose.
“Okay. I hate Stevie for telling you that. And I kind of hate you for choosing a house out in the country where all these creepy-crawly things think they can just make themselves at home in my home.”
“First of all, no you don’t. And second of all, you chose this house, David,” Patrick retorts as he crouches down, carefully trapping the spider under a glass and slipping a piece of paper underneath to keep it contained. Lifting the trapped arachnid, in a well-practiced routine, Patrick nods at his husband. “Let’s go.”
Following David, Patrick carefully carries the bundle down the stairs and out the front door being held open by his husband. Walking across the lawn, away from the house, Patrick crouches down and carefully releases the small spider out into their flowerbed. “Make sure you eat all the bugs with milky exoskeletons, little guy” he whispers as he watches it skuttle away.
Heading back to the house, Patrick smiles at his husband, still standing in the doorway. “It’s all taken care of, David,” Patrick says entering the house and placing the glass and paper down on a table by the door.
David closes the door behind them and places both hands on Patrick’s hips, maneuvering his husband and pinning his smaller frame up against the solid wooden door. “My hero,” he whispers, his breath ghosting over Patrick’s lips.
“Happy to be of service,” Patrick responds, with a sly smile.
“Well, I would be happy to reward you for that service Mr. Brewer-Rose.”
“No reward necessary, I don’t mind rehoming spiders, but if you insist, I won’t say no” Patrick replies, wrapping a hand around the larger man’s neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss.
“Oh, I insist,” David coos as he sinks to his knees in front of his husband.
Standing with his husband in the foyer of his beautiful home, Patrick lets the back of his head bang against the door, blowing out a deep sign of pleasure.