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When Canine woke up, the last thing he was expecting to see was bald eagle perched on the footboard of his bed, regarding him with curiosity. Shifting to sit up slowly, he froze when the huge bird’s head cocked to get a better look at him.
“Are you friendly too?” He whispered, flinching when the eagle gave out a series of chattering keek calls while looking straight at him. Placing a hand over his heart, he nodded slightly and started reciting. “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America…”
Umber Eyes was walking past the open bedroom door when he stopped, seeing the eagle and his suddenly extra patriotic teammate. Doing a doubletake, he froze when the eagle’s gaze pinned him in place. A hand over his heart, he joined in.
“And to the Republic, for which it stands…”
Tundra paused in the hallway on her way to the washroom, hearing both men finishing the Pledge of Allegiance. She spooked a little at the pealing call of a massive bald eagle, followed by the click of talons as the bird strutted out of the bedroom and down the hall towards the stairs.
“Um…”
“It was on the footboard when I woke up. I panicked, but the bird’s happy now.” Canine spoke up, getting out of bed to meet Umber and Tundra in the hallway. “What time is it?”
“Just after noon. I smell bacon, and we all got around six hours or so of sleep.” Umber stretched a little and led them downstairs towards the kitchen.
“There was a fox with two of her kits sleeping on the pillow next to me when I woke up. Anything in your room this, Elba?” Tundra asked with a smile.
“I heard something and got sniffed by something with bad morning breath… but I didn’t open my eyes. So yes, but no idea what besides furry.”
They heard a startled squawk from the next floor up, followed by the crash of a body hitting the floor and panicked footsteps thundering down the stairs and bypassing them to get to the main floor.
“John? What’s wrong?” Umber chuckled.
“There were opossums in my bed! On me!” He shuddered, taking refuge in the living room and glaring at the stairs like they might attack.
Piers walked over with a cup of coffee and a yawn, a huge, fat raccoon following him.
“This fucker tried to steal my blanket this morning and has been following me since I pushed him off the bed.”
Night Howl was already on a couch, sipping his coffee as well. “Be thankful that you didn't get the skunk that woke me up. Thank God she didn’t spray but wanted chin scritches instead. I got poked in the face until I complied.”
Claire poked her head out of the kitchen with a grin, Bart the squirrel on her shoulder and pawing through her damp hair and sniffing.
“I made a new friend. Don’t think I’m going to try out L’s chair though.”
The deep, rumbling belly laugh from Redfield eased the tension that had been stiffening Lobo’s frame as he walked by, a huge Grey Wolf on his heels as he carried a tray of farm fresh eggs from the pantry over to the kitchen.
“Sorry, I forgot to warn you all that the critters like to investigate anyone new. The first night I spent here, I woke up to all of the ones you’ve mentioned and more surrounding the bed and looking at me like I was an alien.” He eyed the bald eagle that strutted by, looking at the Wolves and Claire before chirping and making his way out towards a side door. “Morning, Steve.”
“I thought there weren’t any wolves left in New York… wiped out in the early 1900’s.” Rebecca asked as she cautiously walked by the huge canine to get some coffee.
“There are some loners that wander over state lines, plus every now and again some escape from the conservation center in South Salem. Not sure where Snot came from; only that Líle named him Snot, and he likes his hips scratched.”
“Snot?” Piers cracked up laughing at the name.
“Yep. The possums are the Twigg Family, the raccoon is Fat Robert, and the skunk is Margaret. The vixen is Socks McYap with her kits Yipper and Yapper. Don’t ask me, I didn’t name them.” Chris was cracking eggs into a bowl, adding cream and seasonings before whisking for a huge batch of scrambled eggs to go with the bacon.
“And then we have Steve, Bart, and Jack.” Umber snorted, chuckling.
“There’s more, but I haven’t heard any screams so not sure if they’re still looking over Jill, Carlos, and Leon or have already gone back outside. I’m pretty certain Líle’d make a friend out of Bigfoot if he was nearby.”
“Well… she is marrying you…” Claire quipped.
“Eat shit, ankle biter.” Chris sniped right back, nailing her between the eyes with a piece of warm bacon. It slid down and dropped into her coffee.
“Oooh. Bacon coffee, that’s nice.” Taking a sip and a bite with a shrug when Howl eyed her.
“Redfield! Why are there lizards looking at me like the rent is late?!” Carlos yelled, Jill laughing.
“You’re fine, just wave nicely.” He called back. To the Wolves he gave a small smile. “Five-lined Skinks, Jimmy and Tony. Pretty sure they’re gay ex-mafia lizards.”
“HOLY SHIT!” Kennedy could be heard running down the stairs, zero stealth, as the loud flapping of large wings followed him. A Great Grey Owl was pursuing Leon into the living room before veering upwards to perch on a rafter.
“And that’s Maximus Featherbag. He and Líle have a love-hate relationship.”
A wheezed laugh came from behind them, Snot trotting right out of the kitchen with ears up and tail wagging happily. A playful grumble rumbling out as he went to the source of the sound. The Squad turned to watch, surprised to see L out of bed in an enormously over-sized t-shirt that went to her knees as she petted the huge wolf giving her sniffs and nuzzles. She waved to everyone, padding barefoot into the kitchen and washing her hands before slicing bread to make toast while Chris checked on the potatoes in the oven.
“Luna? Should you be out of bed?” Lobo’s brows knit together.
“No, but she is anyway.” Redfield answered, getting a pout and a swat to his ass from the woman in question. “Cold hand.” A shudder.
“How?” Tundra asked softly, watching as L was in the fridge next, grabbing some jars and putting them on the counter. Popping the lids off, L pointed to the jars and then to Tundra, before shooing towards the table. “Okay, I’ll put them out.”
“The short answer is it takes more than a missing heart to keep her down.” Chris offered, getting the eggs started as L took biscuits out of the oven and flipped the two pans of potatoes, then rotating the third on the bottom shelf.
About ten minutes later, everyone was gathered around the table, helping themselves to the spread of bacon, sausage, herb-roasted potato wedges, warm biscuits with butter and jam, toast, and scrambled eggs.
“Chris, if you ever retire… you should open up a restaurant.” Leon took another generous bite of the eggs and potatoes. “I’d be there every day.”
“If it gets you up to a decent fighting weight, I’ll do it. Probably a food truck though.” Catching the biscuit whipped at him from Kennedy, slathering it with honey butter before taking a bite.
“Here we go again.” Jill chuckled.
“Not all of us are growing boys like you that need more calories than the average elephant every meal. What is this, your fifth round of puberty?”
“Eighth, thank you. Did you even go through puberty? I can’t tell with the two wire bristles on your chin and the dirt smear under your nose. Pretty sure you just played in the garden and forgot to wash your face. Not to mention that girly scream I heard from upstairs. Pre-pubescent if I ever heard one.”
“Fuck off, you barrel of beef. Not all of us can scream in lower-case and wake up with a normal voice that sounds like you took too many dicks to the throat.” He looked at L, raising a brow. “Are you whoring him out at night to fund the safehouses since you stopped renting them to the BSAA?”
L snorted her coffee and coughed, wiping her lips on a napkin before shaking her head. Reaching her right hand over, she placed it on Redfield’s left pec and gave it an affectionate squeeze, getting a deep chuckle from the massive man.
“All mine.” Came the strained words.
“You heard the woman, I’m not a prostitute in my off hours. Just built like a man. Not a slim-hipped boy.”
“At least my slim hips fit in all chairs, unlike some that are wide enough to birth twins without flinching.” Stabbing a sausage with a bit too much enthusiasm.
“Kennedy has a point. You have child-bearing hips, Chris.” Jill stated firmly.
“Those hips don’t lie.” Carlos teased.
“Ganging up now, I see how it is. Turnabout is fair play, remember that.” Redfield smirked before sipping the last of his coffee.
“I hope that whatever species your bio-dad was makes you capable of getting pregnant. I hope you get knocked up with triplets, you behemoth!”
The Wolves were watching the verbal jabs like a solid game of ping-pong. L almost choked on a piece of bacon with Leon’s last barbed comment, breaking into full muted laughter when she recovered enough to breathe.
Chris looked to L, amusement plain on his face. “You good?”
Nodding.
“You find that extra funny today, huh? You know something I don’t?”
Another nod.
“Oh?”
“Had my Papa look into your lineage. Know who your daddy was and what he was. He is sending pictures next week.” Barely whispered, the words seeming to sap out her energy.
“Does that mean he’s gonna show up big as a house full of babies one of these days?”
L snorted and just took another sip of coffee. Chris arched a brow at her.
“Your silence isn’t comforting, Sweetheart. Gonna wrap up before visiting your Cave of Wonders again.”
“I’ve never heard a Disney reference like that one.” Piers shook his head, equal parts impressed and entirely disgusted.
L looked to Piers, a curious and confused expression.
“Piers? What is Disney? I am familiar with princess, but what is Disney?” Sitting back, looking a little more tired.
Faces around the table couldn’t have looked more shocked if she’d slapped them with a dead mackerel.
“How do you not know what Disney is?!” Night Howl looked genuinely horrified.
“This is a crime against humanity. Alpha, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Tundra scolded.
“We haven’t gotten to Disney yet, working through the Westerns at her own request right now.” Chris defended, crossing his arms.
“Crate of Shame for the man denying Luna the glorious experience of our childhood.” Piers declared. “All in favor, show of hands.”
All hands except L and Redfield’s went up.
“Motion passed. Crate of Shame for two days when we get back to the office on Monday.”
“Gotta know all the best ones for when you guys start firing out kids.” Rebecca stated, finishing her plate.
“And I’m betting those kids are going to be well fed if Papi’s responsible for popping them out. Pochecas!” Carlos fired off, making a generous cupping motion over his chest, sparking another round of laughter.
“Now we know why Claire turned out taller than average!” Leon cackled.
“Ewwww!” Claire wrinkled her nose, laughing.
“Welcome to the Big Titty Committee, Christopher.” L wheezed, patting his arm.
“I’m going to murder every last one of you.” Chris groaned, his face in his hands.