Work Text:
Our language limits itself in its own ways. Every emotion you feel is restricted to the words in your vocabulary you pull out fast enough. There’s always been one emotion people have felt that they’ve had a word for. Sadness—maybe? Anguish—not really. Loneliness? We’re getting there…
It’s an emotion that can’t be described with words itself, something so deep and powerful within yourself, no matter how many times you scribble down a word to describe it, it will never fully convey how much you feel. An isolation so powerful it consumes you until there is nothing.
Whatever word you may have watered itself down to was exactly what L felt. Until Light came along.
Some strange pull lifted him forwards Light every time. Even if his charming demeanour is a facade, he can’t help but wonder if one day they could be—
“It be a shame if you really were Kira because you were my first friend,”
Him and Light were the two sides of the same coin. Just being around him had an aura that he couldn’t help gravitate towards. L wanted to grasp his hands out to peel off his mask to reveal the monster he was underneath, however—were they really that different?
Their little games, their counterattacks, the game of predicting and deception was all too accurate. Like twins even. L and Light would both never feel complete unless they pried into each other's hearts and felt it thumping in their hands.
They were the same. Nobody understood L except for Light and nobody under Light except for L.
“Thanks Ryuzaki, the only reason I say things like that is because I’m not actually Kira.”
L rolled the sugar cube in his hands until it plopped and melted into his coffee.
“I see.”
“Light, will you be honest with me.”
“Of course”
“Are you Kira?”
“Why would I be Kira? I’ve given more than enough evidence that I am not Kira.”
Why did he bother to ask? His empty responses and remarks held no heart. Clasping his palms together and praying to the sky, he begged.
♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪
That night, he and Light happened to be investigating further on Yotsuba for further incidents happening in the building.
“Have you checked the statistics from 2004 yet?”
“No Ryuzaki, I haven’t finished reading the statistics from 2002 yet—“
Light spinned his chair around and faced L with his hands ruffling in his hair.
“I’m so tired, I’m going to bed.” He yawned “See you tomorrow, L”
Before Light could walk away, L held onto his sleeve with his thumb.
“Light, why were you checking the statistics in 2002?”
“For any incidents, of course?”
“Kira appeared in 2003.”
“Right. Sorry. I’m tired. Can I go now?”
Light ruffled his hair again and started to undo some of his buttons.
“Yes, you can. Goodnight Light.”
He changed his mind quickly after, struggled to get out of his chair and pulled Lights collar forwards and leaned.
“What the hell, Ryuzaki? You wanna explain something?”
He put his hands under Light's jaw.
“It was a funny feeling, I just wanted to look at you.”
“L, you need to start reading gay porn or someth—”
He held Light in his arms and felt his heart beating against his own chest. He slowly laid his head down on his collarbone and slid his hands up Light’s shirt, joining his hands in opposite directions to clasp his hips.
“Ryu—“
It was an enlightening experience whatever he felt whenever Light was around him. The sparks tighten in his chest.
That warm feeling that tugged his heart when he was around. Even if he was going to die trying to prove himself, his last wish is to die in his arms.
Maybe it was adoration, obsession, or longing desire. Maybe it was the most silliest and twisted thing of all, love.
“Ryuzaki—I think this is too much. Even for you.” Light chuckled.
That god awful demeanor of his was so addicting. Even if it was all a facade, he couldn’t stop reaching for his smooth voice and his shaggy hair tangled in L’s fingertips. He wished Light would never stop talking.
Unclamping his hands from Light's hips, he put his hands under Light’s jaw again.
“You’re sweating.”
“L—you say stupid things.” Light immediately flicked a hairstrand away from L’s face.
“When will you stop lying?” L looked down at his feet.
Light lifted L’s head up to eye level and put a finger to L’s lips. “Then pray tell, Ryuzaki what am I lying about?”
Everything? What kind of question was that?
“You are Kira. You will always be Kira.”
“Ryuzaki I’d appreciate it if you'd prove it…in appropriate methods.” Hinting at the fact they were locked together by steel handcuffs a few days ago. He carefully rimmed his thumb around L’s lips. “You need chapstick.” Light reached into his pocket and shuffled out mint chapstick and applied it on his own lips. “Here let me give you some.”
Light reached forwards and gave L a soft kiss. L didn’t respond at first, but he started kissing back harder after he realized what was going on. They ruffled each other's hair, tracing their fingernails across their scalp. Their tongues entered not long after. But this kiss wasn’t unforgiving or harsh from Light. It was almost like an apology from Light himself. An apology to how they had to meet in this lifetime. An apology to the deceit Light showers in. An apology to L himself. If was a slow, gentle and loving pattern. Their tongues didn’t fight back against each other, instead they almost rhythmically danced.
A spit string connected their lips after they kissed. They stared at each other—for a while at least.
“I better go to sleep now or I won’t get up.”
L didn’t respond, too shocked to keep up with it all.