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the blood is warm against his bruised, frozen skin as it trickles down his arm in slow, dark red streaks.
there's nobody here, he reminds himself incessantly. there's nobody here.
it's him, and an empty underground kingdom bathed in darkness. the lanterns have long since been extinguished and all that remains is the quiet creaking of rotten wood and gentle rippling of water.
his eyes slip shut as the blade aligns against his skin once more. it's so dark, and so cold. wemmbu thought he'd be out of here by now.
it's a laughable thought. two weeks of torture. two weeks of being a weapon, of surviving a purge, of losing all his allies and making everyone hate him, and still- here he is. weak, broken, hopeless and nothing more than a toy for arachnid to throw around.
what has he truly devolved into? the old him would never stand to be treated this way. he's brought civilizations down to their foundations. he's brought down tyrants. he's strong, or well- he's supposed to be.
it's not so true, when he's digging a blade into the flesh of his arm just to feel something more than the bitter emptiness that gnaws away at his soul. that, truly- is a display of utter incompetence.
he is not capable. he is not strong. he is not worthy of anything, not like this. when he is nothing but his bare bones, broken down to nothing- he is not anything.
is this all it really takes to break him down? all someone needs to do is isolate him, take away his best friend and make the world hate him? it's not like he's ever been well-liked, so why should it even impact him now?
wemmbu really, really doesn't know. his mind is too foggy to even think straight. there's an overwhelming darkness stretching across his vision, and it morphs into vibrant beams when his eyes are shut.
he just wants egg back. he hates this.
his body is aching. there are scars stretching across his arms, scabbing and itchy from the events of the past few days. there's a dull buzzing in his ears whenever he tries to formulate a thought.
soon, soon, soon. soon egg will be freed, soon arachnid will die, soon he will see the sun again- when will all these empty promises stop?
his presses the cold metal harder against his skin. he shivers instinctively, but drives the blade down before he can hesitate. quietly, a pained whimper escapes like a deflating balloon and his tail thrashes behind his back in a violent manner.
he's so tired of empty promises. he's so tired of waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting for something that'll never even come.
things will never be okay. this frenzied rush of needing more, of never enough, it'll never go away and he knows that.
even if his body is coated in blood, regardless of if it is even his or not, he will always want more. it's an endless goose chase of do this, do that, do it all until he is a rotten corpse with maggots crawling into the dried flesh of his skin.
when he opens his eyes again, there is a puddle forming on his forearm. streaks of blood paint his skin in messy slashes that sink into old scars that have already began to fade.
it hurts, but oh, it's so good. he wants more. he needs more. anything that can numb this aching pain that overtakes his heart, he needs it. he needs this to hurt.
his trembling hands return to their position, lining up like a butcher ready to slice fresh meat. one smooth slice, and it'll last for days. that mindless, stinging pain that'll silence that tug, that grief, it's better than anything he's ever felt.
wemmbu knows that this is an addiction. he isn't dumb. but this cycle is so consuming and so mind-numbingly good, he can't stop himself from running back to it again and again.
it's just him and the darkness, he reminds himself again. it's him, and his grief and sorrow. it's him, and the blade.
again, and again, he'll do it again.
those empty promises, those betrayals and those gaping wounds- it hurts so badly. he needs it to stop.
when his eyes slip shut, he sees arachnid's sickening smile. he sees young's grimace as he finds himself working with the person who's rather unwillingly usurped his position. he sees flame, who acts so oblivious despite the fact that it's all his fault that wemmbu's even here to begin with.
he never asked for any of this. he wanted egg and that's all there ever was. he didn't want to be royalty. he didn't want to hurt people. he even faked his own death, tried to start over, tried to tie loose ends, and for what-?
for him to end up in a hole even deeper than before?
for his best friend to be ripped out of his hands whenever he even got near?
every single time he thought that he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, boulders rolled in front of the entrance and extinguished all that hope.
he's done with it.
wemmbu raises the blade, drives it downwards in one swift motion, and waits for impact.
when he swims in the darkness of his closed eyes, he sees egg smiling, pointing out his favourite constellations in the night sky. the stars are welcoming, twinkling and holding their arms open to invite him in.
wemmbu's breath slows. in that darkness, he finds himself reaching for the illuminated hands that offer themselves so generously.
the impact.
the impact.
there is no impact. his breath stills. his heart skips a beat as he finds himself ripping his eyes open, and he truly wants to stop breathing entirely when, when he opens his eyes, he finds himself no longer alone.
swallowed in the hollow darkness of a civilization now empty, he finds glimmering, blue eyes that look like aquamarine jewels staring back at him.
he swallows, and shamefully casts his head down towards the open wounds painted across his arm. there is no excuse for this.
the guilt hits immediately. he can see it in the way that jaden inhales and exhales faster that he's scared. scared of him, scared of the blade in his hand, or scared of the gashes- he isn't exactly sure.
"wemmbu," jaden's voice is quiet. he can't decipher the tone. it sounds apologetic, broken, yet sad, all at once. "look at me."
he can't find himself refusing the request. jaden is a siren, after all.
though they both know that wemmbu listens, regardless of whether or not jaden even uses his ability in the first place.
"i'm sorry." jaden whispers when striking amethyst meet aquamarine eyes. it's completely unexpected. "you don't deserve this."
wemmbu's eyes fill with tears. oh, he swallows again. why does his throat suddenly feel so tight? his heart still feels hollow, yet it feels so overwhelmingly full, all at once.
it feels so heavy that he might burst. the grief of protecting egg, of being a puppet, of being never enough- it hurts, it hurts so badly, and no matter how much he tries to cover all those woes with wounds against his skin, it'll always come back.
jaden is pulling the blade out of his hand and pressing him against his chest before he can even process the tears beginning to fall. one second, he's unable to breath, suffocating as he stares at jaden in the darkness of his grief, and the next- there is warmth.
so much warmth, that it sparks something in him. not exactly something bright enough to chase away the pain festering in his mind and soul, but enough to chase it away for just long enough.
quiet sobs that shake through his body transform into ugly, violent cries before he can hold himself back. the stinging of his open cuts against cold air hurts. his heart hurts. everything, it hurts, and hurts, and hurts, and it never does stop.
"i'm so exhausted. i can't do this anymore." wemmbu whimpers through uneven, trembling gasps. "i didn't ask for this."
"i know," jaden hugs him tighter and presses a gentle kiss against his forehead. "i'm here."
it's not anything that can fix anything. it'll probably take a century worth of words to even start to fix the gaping hole in his heart, but that solemn comfort is enough to reassure him that he is not alone in this despair.
"i promise i'll stay." he continues, pressing another kiss against his damp cheek. "and i promise that i'm not going anywhere. i'm yours."
his. they are intertwined, hands clasping each others with infinite, endearing care and affection that never will cease. it is a promise.
wemmbu cries a little harder when he hears that. he cries even harder when he feels jaden's achingly soothing fingers pat away the salty tears streaking down his face.
it's all so caring and all so genuine,in a way that can't even be fabricated. he knows full well that all of this care, and all of this affection being so generously offered to him is very much real.
jaden actually cares.
he is actually staying, on his own volition.
"it hurts." wemmbu sobs, feeling fresh tears well up in his eyes. "i'm so tired of this. i- i can't do this any longer."
"i know, baby." jaden murmurs while stroking his hair comfortingly, "i'm here. it's fine for it to hurt. i'll be here. tell me what you need, okay?"
his mind is racing as he clutches desperately onto the ruffled fabric of jaden's shirt. "don't leave," is all he needs to say. "please don't leave."
"okay." his reply is immediate, completely straightforward. "i promise. i'll stay by your side. i won't go anywhere. im here, and your here, and we're both here, and we're both going to be here."
wemmbu shudders as he inhales. even though he's crying, beyond annoyed by the way he can hear himself hiccuping and dissolving back into sobs whenever he tries to stop, he finds himself slowly being grounded by the way that jaden cares for him so much.
"breath," jaden whispers, like he knows exactly what to do, and what to say. "i'm here. hold onto me. we'll figure this out."
wemmbu rests his chin on jaden's shoulder and slowly- inhales, then exhales. it's broken and rickety, but it's a step forward. so, with jaden's gentle guidance, he does it again.
inhale, exhale. remind himself that his situation will not be permanent. remind himself that he is not alone. remind himself that the world will always continue to move and that he cannot be left behind.
jaden presses another kiss against his cheek. this time, he had enough strength in him to reciprocate with a trembling kiss to the lobe of his ear.
inhale, exhale. slowly, and surely. he will get there. he will be okay enough, enough to survive another day.
"i love you." jaden mumbles, again and again, so that it almost syncs with wemmbu's heartbeat, pounding in his ears.
eventually, he finds himself whispering it back.
"i love you, i love you, i love you."
his breathing falls out of its unsteady rhythm and into a quiet, gentle melody of a predictable rise and fall of his chest.
"i love you, i love you, i love you."
he doesn't have to be okay now. he doesn't have to be okay later. he just needs to keep going, because he is not alone.
he has people who care. he has people who will be by his side. he has solutions. he has more to his life than despair.
that sole reminder should be more than enough of a reason to live a life more than one filled with darkness.
"i love you."
when he blinks, he finds himself sat down in the codmaster's hut. the warm, gentle flickering of a dimly lit lantern casts itself onto him and jaden as he glances down at his now bandaged forearm.
he stares at the clean white bandages, then glances back up at jaden. even with his mask still on, he can tell that he has a small smile on his face.
"i know," wemmbu replies with a dry chuckle, "i love you too."
"good." he says eagerly, finishing the last of the bandages around his arm before retracting. wemmbu silently mourns the loss of weight and heat resting against his skin.
however, it doesn't last for long as jaden unhooks his mask, bows his head down and plants a tender kiss against his bandaged arm. it's purposely away from the deep scars, he notices. his heart warms at that realization.
jaden cares way too much about him. such a soft loser, wemmbu thinks. as if he's not the exact same when it comes to protecting egg. his attention refocuses when he sees jaden's finger tugging at the hem of his sleeve.
"i don't think i ever showed you these." the siren perks up, still quiet as to not disturb the sleeping fish across the room. wemmbu tilts his head as he watches jaden lift his sleeve.
when the silky white fabric is rolled up, it reveals jagged scars running all across his arm, from his wrist all the way up to the top of his shoulder. some are lifted, and some are etched into his skin. "if it makes you feel a little better." he whispers with an endearing laugh.
he's not alone. not in experiences, not in emotions, not in grief, not in anything. no matter what, at least someone will share that same sentiment, and even if they don't- at least somebody will be there to listen.
without hesitation, he bows his own head down and presses a warm kiss against his scarred forearm. only once he has raised his head does he nod. "yeah. it does." wemmbu admits with a hopeful giggle.
jaden smile widens, and oh, it's so beautiful, so full of hope that it's honestly contagious. "i love you." the siren repeats, like he hasn't already said this a million times over.
even so, wemmbu can never find himself getting sick of these three words. "i love you." he repeats back, with just as much affection.
their lips meet under the tender glow of the lantern. it's a dark, cold night outside in the caverns of arachnid, but right now- it's warm, and he's not alone.
he does not have to be okay. all he has to do is remember that living at all is better than staying trapped in darkness.
he will figure things out. not now, but later. for now, he cradles himself against jaden with his head resting against his shoulder and a blanket draped around them both.
outside, it is cold, and it is lonely. inside, it is warm, and it is tender.
yes, wemmbu thinks. he much prefers the presence of someone else than the presence of despair and fear.