Chapter Text
PHAEDO
It was a beautiful day in Athens, and I was glad that I had the day off from Gurgos’. Happily, I had met my new friend Alexias in the Agora, we had struck up a conversation, and now strolled aimlessly through the streets.
Presently, we came upon a guard gate towards the edge of the city. “Oi, Myron’s son!” A soldier called from his post. Clearly he knew my friend, for Alexias greeted him with a warm, “Hello Echthelion!”
“How is Lysis this fine day?”
“He had business on his father’s farm, and won’t be back for a few days.”
“Ah, well. You tell him Echthelion was asking after him the next time you see him.” Then the soldier cracked a wide and teasing grin. “At least, if your mouth isn’t too full of your pitiful pining. Or of his.” He accompanied this qualifier with a rather crude gesture, and the soldiers on duty laughed uproariously.
Alexias frowned, and turned away from them, saying nothing in his retreat. I followed him at a brisk pace, struggling to keep up with his angry stride. He strode purposefully for a long way, and only stopped when, out of steam, he plopped down dejectedly on the grassy hill in the public garden. I sat with him, and waited for him to speak his mind.
He was silent for a while, but finally he said. “Oh, Phaedo, they are always teasing me so. I do not know why I allow them to affect me, but I always become so angry when someone slights Lysis’ honor. I do not always understand their jokes, but I know where they tend, and I do not like it a bit. Lysis would never use me so. He has not made any advances of that sort. He loves my soul, not simply my person. Still, everyone always assumes that we have that sort of relationship… But sometimes, Phaedo…sometimes I feel as if we are not normal. If everyone assumes it, does not that mean everyone does it? I wonder… does Lysis desire me in that way?”
He breathed deeply, lost in thought, and I did not wish to interrupt. After a while, he gave a frustrated sigh. “I think… I think, Phaedo, that the reason those silly jests bother me so is that I want Lysis to want me that way. But, since he has not given me any indication that he does, I must assume he does not. And, I think, this saddens me… Oh, I should not trouble you with such things! Ignore me!”
I thought for a while about what to say. Alexias seemed like the typical lovesick youth to me. Although I despised my own situation, I could not begrudge a friend his desire to love another freely. Socrates would despair of me. I made up my mind that I would give him some experienced advice.
“Alexias… You desire Lysis, do you not?” He gave a small nod, staring down determinedly at the grass. I would get straight to the point. “Would you like to know how to please him?”
He blushed furiously, still seemingly unable to look me in the eye. “Do not say such things,” he muttered, scandalized.
I sighed knowingly. He was such an innocent. “I can tell you, you know. I can tell you what all men like, what they don’t, and what they’re willing to try…” I said with an open-ended upward inflection at the end of my sentence. I wanted him to ask me himself, or I would not say a thing. It was hard enough, given my situation, to give him advice on this matter… It was difficult for me to understand why anyone would do willingly what I had been forced to do. Just thinking on it… filled me with a sickening disgust, low in my gut. But I would neither lie to my friend, nor withhold information that might help him out of his dilemma.
We sat in silence for a long moment. Alexias looked down at his lap, mortified, and unable to make eye contact with me. His cheeks were flaming red, and he nervously worried at his lip with his teeth.
I could not understand him when he spoke, his voice was so soft, and had to ask him to repeat himself. He whipped around to face me, and hissed through his teeth, “I asked, ‘Will you tell me how to please Lysis?’” I could see that Alexias was positively pained with the intimacy of his request, even as couched in euphemism as it was, so I smiled at him kindly, unfazed.
“Of course, friend. But I would not have this discussion here,” I said, glancing surreptitiously around at other citizens strolling through the gardens.
Alexias’s eyes followed my glance, and he nodded in agreement, and stood. “Come with me, then.”
It took us a short while to get to the place Alexias had chosen for our talk, and we chatted idly and exchanged gossip along the way, conspicuously avoiding the topic on both of our minds. When we finally arrived, I found that my friend intended to invite me into his house. I was… touched. No honest person of good intent had ever invited me into his home. Not since I was taken into slavery. I was not a houseguest of… repute, to say the least.
I had never been to Alexias’ family home, and was intensely interested. I gazed around at where my friend had grown up. An old-fashioned herm guarded the gate, and the dogs were lying around in a pleasantly laid-out courtyard. As we entered, Alexias called out to his mother that he had brought home a friend, and then crossed through the main living space and to his own quarters.
Alexias’ room was small, and, although he hadn’t much, it still seemed very comfortable. Alexias turned and looked at me and, seeming to remember the reason we had come, he blushed and looked down. Presently, he seemed to remember that he ought to play more of the host. With a vague gesture around him, he said, “Well, this is it. Welcome to my humble abode.”
He sat down on his couch, and motioned for me to sit beside him. I did, as it was the only piece of furniture in the room besides a large trunk at its foot.
We were silent for a while, staring at the wall opposite. Alexias heaved an embarrassed sigh. “It – it seems so silly now. I never should have asked it of you, I am sorry. Never mind Lysis and me. Let us talk of other things. My mother will bring us food and wine if you would like.”
I knew him well enough to know that, notwithstanding his embarrassment, Alexias was still as curious as he had been before. I decided to continue on our predetermined course. “It is not silly, Alexias, and you know it is not. Love is an important part of life and, as a friend, I would be remiss if I failed to address your turmoil. I will repeat it as many times as necessary, Alexias: I am happy to assist you, even on such a personal matter. And I swear to you that I will not disclose any part of our conversation to anyone, even Lysis. Even Socrates.”
Alexias gave me a searching look, and seemed to accept what I said. He gave another conflicted sigh and stared down at his clasped hands in his lap. He began to twiddle his thumbs distractedly. “Alright, Phaedo. I – I must admit that I am… curious. And – and I trust you, I really do.” He turned and smiled gently at me, with an acknowledging nod. “Thank you for this.”
I smiled inwardly at his endearing innocence. He was just as sweet as he was beautiful. Even I could not understand why Lysis had made no advance. “Very well Alexias. I will tell you the universals, and then advise you as to how they might apply to Lysis, given his personality, and the nature of your relationship.”
Alexias, though still embarrassed, turned and gave me his full attention. “Alright,” he murmured.
I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts. Then I began. “Well, first of all, most men like to be kissed during lovemaking, and I would assume Lysis does as well. He does not seem the cold type.”
Alexias nodded, and I continued. “Many men like spontaneity. Do not be afraid to offer yourself, even if it may not seem a perfectly opportune time… or place. It adds excitement.” Alexias flushed further, mind working over what I had said.
“And… as for technique… usually he would simply thrust between your oiled thighs. I am sure that Lysis would never deem it proper to take you but… I can tell you with perfect certainty that all men like to be sucked.”
Alexias looked rather frazzled at my sudden specificity, and his eyes widened. “Do you – do you mean that I would… use my mouth?”
I had not expected him to know much, but I was surprised that he did not even know what oral sex was. I smirked and raised my eyebrow. It was becoming rather enjoyable to shock my friend. “Of course. Lysis would certainly enjoy this. Make sure you cover your teeth with your lips, unless you’d like to scrape gently for an opposing effect. Hollow out your cheeks around him, and use your tongue. It feels good if you flick your tongue over the slit. Try to take him as deep as you are able without gagging, and use your hand for the rest. He’ll most likely be very good for you, and avoid thrusting as well as he can, knowing Lysis, but don’t be surprised if he chokes you once or twice. If he finishes in your mouth, either swallow or let it drip obscenely down your chin. That’s generally found to be erotic.”
Alexias gaped at me like a fish, scarlet to the ears. “Ph – Phaedo! That’s disgusting!”
I grinned widely. “Darling, you asked for it. And it isn’t so bad. You’ll find it pleasing to have such power over him. He’ll absolutely melt under your touch. And I am sure you would be glad to do anything to give Lysis his pleasure. You’ve been together for such a long while, that I am often surprised at how you gush over him. You’re still in puppy-love. It’s quite refreshing, really.”
Alexias was still in shock, unable to accept my words. “And how exactly am I supposed to make this proposition?! Am I simply to visit his rooms and say, ‘Good afternoon, Lysis, mind if I suck your – ?’” Alexias gulped, cleared his throat uncomfortably, and did not finish his sentence.”
“Oh, absolutely not! You must seduce him! Dress your hair nicely, take him out, make eyes at him over dinner, flirt, take him home, kiss, touch – I assume you know how to do these things. And, when you feel the time is right, don’t ask. Simply go down on your knees in front of him and say, ‘Lysis, let me please you.’ Stroke and kiss at his legs, and slowly make your way to your goal, hiking up his mantle. When you’ve got him near begging for you, tease him a bit with your tongue, and then take him in. It will be best to take things slowly, I think, with Lysis.”
Alexias spluttered something unintelligible, seemingly unable to formulate words.
“Oh, and look up at him while you’re doing it. Frequently. That lets him know you are willing – that you understand exactly what you are doing. As I know Lysis’ character, he would not have you if he thought you were somehow reluctant. If you don’t look at him, he’ll think he’s forcing you.”
I saw something click behind Alexias’ eyes. I gave him an incredulous look. “You do not look at him when he makes advances? Gods, Alexias, do you even return his kisses?!”
“I – it’s embarrassing!”
“Oh, Alexias, no wonder he hasn’t touched you! He thinks you’re afraid!” I paused, reconsidering. “You are afraid.”
Alexias stared down at the floor in shame. He almost whispered, “I… yes, Phaedo, I am afraid. But I want him, I do. I want to show him how much I love him. I love him so…”
My expression softened, and I gazed at my friend in new understanding. He wanted Lysis because he loved him. I was unfamiliar with such purity of desire. In my life, I had only ever been wanted for my physical person. There had never been love. So to see my friend wishing to please purely out of love… it was astounding. I was all at once bewildered and envious. How I longed for a love of that nature... A love whom I could love purely and altruistically. Just like Alexias’s.”
I patted my friend reassuringly on the shoulder. “Alexias, if there is one thing I know, it is that Lysis loves you with all his heart. Anyone can see this. Nothing you can do or say will deter him from his feelings. Your heart must go lightly, and your body with it. Have no fear. You have a lover the likes of whom I could only ever dream. He will do nothing to harm you. Be at ease.”
Alexias looked up at me with new hope in his eyes, and a spark of determination. “Thank you, Phaedo. I could never have managed without you.”
I smiled at him. “You would have. You will. I didn’t help much at all, but it’s best to learn the specifics with your lover, anyway.” Alexias returned my smile in friendship, and we went down to sample some of his mother’s excellent cooking.