Chapter Text
Stan sat cross-legged on the carpet in front of his TV while Kyle sat next to him, gripping his controller tightly. Both of them were locked in on the game, the music and sound effects filling the room. They’d been blaming each other for losing for the past ten minutes, which was pretty normal for them.
“Dude, you missed him again,” Stan said, not looking away from the TV.
“I didn’t miss him, you ran right into me,” Kyle snapped. “Move over, you’re hogging the whole screen.”
“It’s split-screen, dude. That’s literally not possible.”
Kyle opened his mouth to argue back, but the front door suddenly slammed, cutting him off. Stan glanced toward the door as Cartman came barging into the living room, Kenny right behind him.
“Guys!” Cartman yelled. “Guess what!”
Kyle didn’t even bother looking away from the TV. “What, fatass?”
Cartman looked like he was about to fire something back, but the news he had was apparently too important to sidetrack himself with an argument. He had an awful grin on his face, and Kenny looked just as hyped beside him.
“Me and Kenny have the best prank idea ever,” Cartman said.
Kenny jumped in right away. “We found this love potion online.”
That got Stan’s attention. He lowered his controller just enough for his character on the screen to immediately get killed. “A love potion?”
Kyle finally looked away from the TV, his face twisting. He already knew whatever came next was going to be stupid. “Oh my God.”
Cartman smiled. “Yep, and guess what me and Kenny plan do with it?”
”What…?” Kyle asked.
”We’re gonna use it on Butters and make him fall in love with Scott Malkinson.”
Kenny snorted, already entertained by the idea.
Stan stared at him for a second. “…What?”
Cartman’s grin stretched wider. “It’s going to be fucking hilarious.”
Kyle made a face. “That’s not even funny, that’s just messed up!”
“How is it messed up?” Cartman said. “It’s a prank.”
“A prank is putting something gross in somebody’s lunch,” Kyle shot back. “This is just weird.”
Stan sat up a little straighter. “I mean... I kinda wanna know if it would actually work.”
Kyle turned to him so fast he nearly dropped his controller. “Stan!”
“What?” Stan said. “I didn’t say they should do it. I just said I wanna know if it’s legit.”
Kyle looked back at Cartman with open disgust. “Yeah, well, Cartman’s retarded if he thinks some random love potion online is real.”
Cartman scoffed. “It is real.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it—”
“Dr. Mephesto said so,” Cartman cut in, sounding smug enough to make Kyle want to hit him.
That made Kyle pause. “Dr. Mephesto?”
For a second, the room went quiet. They haven’t heard that name in forever.
Kenny nodded. “Yeah. He’s selling it online now. We’re gonna go talk to him and get it.”
Stan let out a short laugh. “No way.”
“That’s what I said,” Cartman replied. “But then Kenny found the page again and it was really him. He’s got all this science crap on there and everything.”
Kyle folded his arms. “I still don’t think it’ll work.”
Stan nodded. “Me neither.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said, glaring at Cartman, “Cartman’s an idiot.”
Cartman’s face tightened right away. “Oh, yeah? Then prove it won’t work, Jew!”
Kyle made a face and threw his hands up. “This is stupid. I’m not getting involved in your dumb prank.”
Cartman smirked at that. “Oh, okay. So you talk all this shit, but when it’s time to prove you’re right, you back out?”
Kyle glared at him. “That’s not what I said.”
“No, dude, that’s exactly what you said,” Cartman shot back. “You don’t actually know it’s fake. You’re just scared I’m gonna be right.”
Kyle’s expression hardened. He set his controller down so abruptly it clacked against the floor. “Fine! I’ll prove you wrong, fatass. Let’s go see Dr. Mephesto right now.”
Stan looked between them, trying not to seem too interested too fast. “Dude, you seriously wanna go?”
“Yes,” Kyle said. “Because I want to watch this retard get scammed.”
Cartman jabbed a finger at him. “When it turns out to be real, you have to admit I was right.”
Kyle got to his feet. “That’s not gonna happen!”
Stan sighed. “I guess we’re doing this now.”
Kenny grinned under his hood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Dude, if it works, I’m using it on Tammy. She’s hot.”
Kyle made a face. “You can’t just use a potion on somebody because you think they’re hot.”
“Why not?” Kenny asked.
“Because that’s completely messed up,” Kyle said. “You’d be forcing them to like you.”
Cartman scoffed. “Dude, that’s literally what a love potion is for.”
“That doesn’t make it okay!”
“It makes it efficient, Jew.”
Kyle stared at him. “You are seriously screwed up.”
Stan grabbed his jacket. “Can you guys save the argument for when we’re actually there?”
“No,” Kyle and Cartman said at the same time.
Kenny laughed.
A minute later, the four of them spilled out of Stan’s house and into the cold afternoon, the door banging shut behind them. Kenny was laughing under his hood, clearly enjoying the fact that Kyle and Cartman were still going at it before they’d even made it to the sidewalk.
_____
By the time they got to Dr. Mephesto’s lab, Kyle and Cartman were still arguing so hard that neither of them seemed to notice they’d reached the front door until Stan stopped and turned around.
“I’m serious, fatass, you’re acting way too smug for somebody who has no idea if this thing even works,” Kyle said, breath coming a little fast from the walk and from how worked up he was. “You don’t even know if it’s real.”
Cartman gave him a look full of pure, obnoxious confidence. “I do know it’s real. And when it works, I’m gonna prove you wrong.”
Kyle folded his arms. “No, you’re gonna embarrass yourself.”
Before Cartman could fire back, the lab door opened, and Dr. Mephesto stepped into the doorway, blinking at the four of them.
“Well,” he said, sounding more curious than surprised, “what are you boys doing here?”
Stan answered before Cartman could start yelling again. “Uh, we heard you’re selling a love potion online, and we wanted to see if it works.”
Dr. Mephesto nodded as if that were a completely normal thing for four nine-year-olds to ask him. “Oh. All right, boys. Follow me.”
The four of them trailed after him into the lab, their sneakers squeaking across the floor as they passed tables crowded with equipment, humming machines, wires, glass containers, and things none of them could identify.
Dr. Mephesto led them farther inside, then slowed near one of the worktables. “Well, here’s how the rules of the potion work.”
Kyle frowned. “Rules?”
Cartman rolled his eyes. “Duh. Of course there’s rules.”
Kyle turned to him at once. “Why would there be rules?”
“Because it’s a potion, dumbass.”
Dr. Mephesto kept going before the argument could get even louder. “Once the person consumes it, the first person they look at is the one they fall for.”
That shut them all up for a second.
Then Dr. Mephesto added, “The effect lasts until a mutual kiss happens between the affected person and the one they have fallen in love with. That is the only way for it to stop working.”
Stan blinked. “Wait. That’s the only way to get it to stop working?”
Dr. Mephesto nodded. “Yep.”
Kyle frowned. “Why would you create this potion just for that to be the only way it stops working?”
“Well,” Dr. Mephesto said, “I thought that would be the natural remedy for the potion.”
Kenny glanced at Cartman. “I guess our prank’s gonna be pretty short, then.”
Cartman shrugged. “Whatever. It’ll be funny as fuck.”
Kyle let out a disgusted scoff. “Bullshit.”
“Shut up, Kyle,” Cartman said immediately, grinning again. “This is going to be the best prank ever.”
Kenny laughed under his hood.
Kyle threw both hands up. “How is having Butters kiss Scott Malkinson ‘the best prank ever?’”
Cartman looked at him as if the answer were too obvious to explain. “Because it just is, Jew.”
“No, it isn’t!”
“It is to me and Kenny!”
While they were still going at it, Stan looked past them toward the table ahead. “Do you have more than one potion, Dr. Mephesto?”
Kyle spun toward him. “Stan?!”
Stan glanced back, caught. “What? I’m just asking.”
“You’re asking real fast for somebody who ‘doesn’t care.’”
“I said I’m just asking!”
Dr. Mephesto gave a small shake of his head. “No. I only made one. This is one hundred percent legitimate, boys, and it was extremely difficult to make.”
By then they had reached the table, and all four boys went quiet when they saw what was sitting there.
The potion was sealed inside a small glass bottle, the liquid inside a bright, hot pink that almost glowed under the overhead lights. It looked ridiculous and weirdly convincing at the same time.
Cartman’s eyes widened. “Dude.”
Dr. Mephesto rested a hand beside it. “As I said, it is a highly complicated formula.”
Cartman dragged his eyes away from the bottle long enough to ask, “Okay. So how much for it?”
Dr. Mephesto smiled faintly.
“Three thousand dollars.”
There was a beat of silence.
Then Cartman’s face twisted. “What the fuck?”
Kenny made a noise of disbelief beside him.
“We don’t have that kind of money!” Cartman yelled.
Dr. Mephesto calmly picked the bottle up from the table and slipped it into the pocket of his coat. “Well then,” he said, “I suppose no love potion.”
Kyle let out a short, mean laugh. “Wow. Great plan, Cartman.”
Cartman didn’t answer. He just turned his head and looked at Kenny. It lasted maybe half a second, but Kenny saw whatever was in that look and gave the slightest nod back.
Kyle narrowed his eyes. “What was that look?”
Nobody answered him.
The next second hit all at once.
Cartman stepped forward and kicked Dr. Mephesto straight in the balls.
Dr. Mephesto made a horrible choked sound and doubled over, collapsing toward the floor with both hands grabbing for himself. As he fell, Kenny darted in and snatched the bottle clean out of his coat pocket.
“Oh my God—” Stan started.
“Jesus Christ!” Kyle shouted.
Dr. Mephesto hit the ground hard, swearing through clenched teeth, too busy writhing in pain to do anything else.
Cartman’s head snapped toward the door. “Run!”
That was enough.
The four of them took off at once, nearly crashing into each other in their rush to get out. Stan stumbled after Kenny, Kyle shouted something furious that got lost in the noise, and Cartman shoved the lab door open so hard it slammed against the wall. They ran out in a panic, all pounding footsteps and yelling and breathless chaos, while behind them Dr. Mephesto was still cursing on the floor.
Once they burst back outside, Stan stared at Cartman in horror as they kept running. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
Cartman, somehow, sounded thrilled. “We got it!”
Kyle looked ready to kill him. “You kicked him in the balls!”
“Yeah, no shit!”
“You’re fucking insane!”
Kenny was laughing too hard to answer, the bottle clutched tight in his hand as all four of them tore away from the lab with the stolen potion and absolutely no plan for what came next.
_____
By the time they finally stopped running, they were down by Stark’s Pond, tucked off to the side where the trees and brush hid them from the main path. It was quiet there except for the wind moving over the water and the sound of all four of them trying to catch their breath. Stan bent over with his hands on his knees. Kenny was still laughing under his hood. Cartman looked ready to fall over. Kyle, red-faced and furious, jabbed a finger at him.
“Cartman, you piece of shit!” he shouted. “Why did you do that?”
Cartman bent forward with one hand braced against his side, dragging in air between words. Running had obviously wrecked him, but that still wasn’t enough to stop him from sounding smug. “Shut up, Kyle,” he panted. “We’re— fuck— we’re about to pull the best prank ever.”
Kyle looked over at the bottle in Kenny’s hand. The pink liquid inside shifted when Kenny moved. That alone made Kyle roll his eyes.
“I bet it won’t even work,” he said. “Just because it’s hot pink doesn’t mean it’s a love potion.”
Kenny looked at him and smirked. “Well, if you’re so sure, then drink it, Kyle.”
Kyle turned to him. “What?”
Cartman straightened up a little at that, suddenly interested again. “Yeah. Drink it. You’re the one who keeps saying it’s a scam.”
Kyle’s face tightened. “No! I’m not kissing any of you assholes.”
Stan gave him a small grin. “So you think it’ll work?”
Kyle snapped his head toward him. “No!”
Cartman pounced on that immediately. “Then drink it if you’re so sure, Jew.”
Kyle pointed at him. “No, you drink it!” He then looked at Stan and Kenny. “Or you guys drink it.”
“Well, I’m not drinking it,” Stan said, lifting a hand, “but, uh… we do kind of need to make sure it works.”
“Yeah,” Kenny said. “I’m not doing it either.”
Cartman grabbed the bottle straight out of Kenny’s hand and shoved it toward Kyle. “Drink it.”
Kyle recoiled a little. “Why do I have to fucking do it?”
“Because you’re the skeptical one,” Cartman shot back. “You can test it for us.”
Kyle glared at the bottle. “Fuck off! I don’t know what’s in that shit. It could be bad—”
Cartman cut him off with a smirk. “What, are you scared, Kyle?”
Kyle’s grip tightened at his sides. “No.”
“Then drink it,” Cartman said, holding the bottle out again.
Kyle just stared at it. Up close, the liquid looked even worse, bright and syrupy and way too thick to be anything normal. He could smell something sweet and gross even from where he stood, and the whole thing suddenly felt a lot less funny now that it was right in front of his face.
Stan shifted awkwardly. “Dude, you really don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
That only made Kyle feel more cornered.
Cartman let out a laugh through his nose. “Oh my God. He’s scared.”
“I’m not scared!” Kyle snapped, still not taking the bottle.
“Then what’s the problem?” Cartman asked. “You’ve been running your mouth this whole time about how fake it is.”
“Because I don’t know what’s in it, fatass!”
Kenny shrugged. “I mean, if it’s fake, then nothing’s gonna happen.”
Kyle looked at him, then at Stan, then back at the bottle in Cartman’s hand. He hated that they were all looking at him now. Hated that Cartman had managed to turn this around on him. Hated even more that if he backed off now, Cartman would never let him hear the end of it.
Cartman saw the hesitation all over his face and grinned wider. “Wow,” he said. “I knew you were a pussy.”
Kyle went still.
For half a second, nobody said anything.
Then Kyle jerked forward, snatched the bottle out of Cartman’s hand, and glared at him. “Fuck off,” he snapped. “I’ll do it.”
“Dude, maybe don’t just—” Stan started, but Kyle was already moving. He yanked the cap off and drank it before any of them could stop him.
For a second, the other three just stared.
Kyle swallowed hard and immediately grimaced, his whole face twisting in disgust as soon as it went down. He lowered the bottle with a cough, shoulders hunching for a second while the taste hit him.
Stan’s eyes widened. “Wait— maybe you shouldn’t stand right in front of Kyle while he drinks it.”
Cartman frowned. “Wait, why?”
Kenny looked at him. “Dude. Remember? The first person he looks at is who he falls for.”
Cartman’s face changed all at once. “Shit.”
Still coughing, Kyle lifted his head at the sound of Cartman’s voice without even thinking. His eyes landed on him immediately.
Cartman jerked sideways, trying to get behind Stan, but he reacted a second too late. Kyle had already seen him.
Nobody moved.
The air seemed to go still for a second. Stan looked between them. Kenny’s grin faded into this sharp, waiting look. Cartman stayed half-hidden behind Stan, stiff now, like even he wasn’t sure what he expected to happen next.
Kyle just stared at him.
One second passed.
Then another.
Nothing.
Kyle blinked, made a face again, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Dude... that shit was so disgusting.”
Kenny’s smirk slowly came back. “Well? Any feelings for Cartman?”
That made Kyle laugh. He looked at Cartman, who was peeking around Stan now with this weird mix of confidence and caution, and Kyle snorted.
“See?” Kyle said. “I knew it was fake. I feel nothing. I still see you as a fatass racist piece of shit.”
Cartman scoffed and relaxed right away. “Whatever. Let’s give it to Butters still.”
Stan reached out before Cartman could grab the bottle back and took it from Kyle’s hand. “No way, dude.”
Cartman turned on him. “What?”
“If it doesn’t work, then the prank won’t even be funny,” Stan said, holding the bottle up and looking at the pink liquid inside. “It’ll just suck.”
Kenny nodded. “Unfortunately, yeah. It’s gonna be a lame-ass prank.”
Cartman stared at both of them in disbelief. “You guys! We have to!”
Kyle folded his arms, pleased with himself now that he’d apparently been proven right. “The potion didn’t work, dumbass. I feel absolutely nothing toward you. If you hadn’t stolen it, we would’ve gotten scammed out of three thousand dollars.”
Cartman threw up his hands. “Whatever.”
He brushed past Kyle as he said it, cutting around him to head back toward the path.
And when his shoulder clipped Kyle’s, something in Kyle seemed to trip over itself.
Heat shot straight into his face. His stomach fluttered in this weird, awful way, and for one second all he could do was stare after him. It had barely even been a touch, just a passing brush of shoulders, but Kyle felt it way more than he should have. Cartman was still stomping ahead, still muttering to himself, still being the same annoying asshole he always was, and somehow that only made Kyle feel more weirdly aware of him.
What the hell?
Kyle stood there, flustered and confused, his heart beating faster than it had any right to.
Am I sick?
“Kyle?”
He blinked and looked up. Stan was watching him now, the bottle still in his hand.
“What?” Kyle said too quickly.
Stan frowned a little, then jerked his head back toward town. “Let’s just go back to my house and play video games again.”
“Yeah,” Kenny said. “This whole thing sucks now.”
Kyle swallowed and tried to sound normal. “Uh. Yeah.”
Cartman was already a few steps ahead of them, still muttering to himself. “This is such bullshit! It would have been the best prank ever.”
Stan fell into step behind him. Kenny went with Stan, still snickering now and then under his breath.
Kyle stayed where he was for one second longer.
His face still felt hot. His stomach still felt weird. He told himself it had to be from running, or from drinking whatever the hell had been in that bottle, or from almost getting caught after stealing from Dr. Mephesto. It had to be something normal.
Even so, when he started walking again, he couldn’t stop thinking about that tiny bit of contact and the way his whole body had reacted before his brain could catch up.
And that thought alone pissed him off enough to put him in an even worse mood for the walk back.
_____
Back at Stan’s house, Kyle noticed the change in himself almost immediately, and that only made it worse.
Cartman was saying the same stupid shit he always said, still going on about how making Butters kiss Scott would’ve been the funniest prank ever, and somehow Kyle was laughing. More than that, he kept liking the look on Cartman’s face when he talked about it. Cartman got this smug, excited grin when he thought he’d come up with something brilliant, and Kyle found himself watching it more than he should have. Every time Cartman laughed at his own joke or got all worked up explaining why it would’ve been “legendary,” Kyle felt that stupid rush in his chest again. He liked hearing him sound that happy. He liked seeing him that happy. And realizing that made his stomach twist.
He hated that the prank didn’t even sound that bad anymore. A few hours ago he’d been disgusted by it. Now he kept catching himself thinking it was at least kind of funny, mostly because Cartman was enjoying himself so much. That was the part Kyle couldn’t stop reacting to—Cartman looking pleased, Cartman grinning, Cartman sounding genuinely happy. Every time it happened, Kyle’s heart gave that same embarrassing little jump. He kept trying to tell himself it was just leftover adrenaline from running around with stolen lab equipment.
That had to be it. It had to be.
Stan and Kenny were sprawled on the floor in front of the TV with the controllers, since Stan still only had two, and they were playing so badly it was honestly kind of embarrassing. Kyle sat on the couch beside Cartman, close enough that their shoulders nearly brushed whenever one of them shifted, and Cartman was having the time of his life watching them fail.
“Oh my God, dude, you both suck,” Cartman said, leaning forward with a grin as Stan crashed again. “Seriously, this is painful.”
Kenny laughed under his hood, even though Cartman was making fun of him too.
Stan didn’t look away from the screen. “Shut up, Cartman.”
“No, dude, look at that,” Cartman said, pointing at the TV. “How do you even screw up that bad?”
Kyle snorted before he could stop himself. “Stan, what the hell was that? You’re horrible.”
“Dude!” Stan said.
Kenny’s character immediately drove straight into something, and Cartman made this loud, disbelieving noise. “Oh my God. Kenny sucks even worse.”
Kyle laughed harder this time, leaning forward a little. “You guys are actually terrible. Give me the controller.”
“Shut up, dude! Let me play a bit more.” Stan said.
Then Stan missed another easy move, and both Kyle and Cartman started giving them shit at the same time, talking over each other, laughing whenever one of them crashed or screwed something up. It was stupid, but Kyle found himself getting way too into it, sitting there shoulder to shoulder with Cartman and piling on every time Stan or Kenny did something embarrassing in the game.
Cartman shook his head. “You and I would do way better than these idiots.”
Kyle was still grinning when he looked at him. “Yeah, obviously.”
Cartman smirked. “I mean, you’re actually really good at this game. And with my skill, we’d totally win.”
The words hit Kyle all at once.
His heart jumped so hard it caught him off guard, and heat rushed straight into his face. For a second he just sat there, thrown off by how good that felt to hear. Cartman was still looking at him like it was no big deal, like he hadn’t just said the one thing guaranteed to make Kyle embarrass himself.
Oh, fuck.
Kyle looked away fast, suddenly very aware of how warm his face felt. He tried to play it off, but he could already tell he was blushing.
“W-well you don’t have that much skill,” he muttered, hoping he sounded normal. “You just yell louder than everybody else.”
Cartman laughed. “That’s still a skill.”
Kyle laughed too, quieter this time, and the fact that he was this flustered over one stupid compliment only made everything feel worse.
By the time it got late enough for them to think about heading home, Stan looked over his shoulder and asked, “Do you guys just wanna spend the night? It’s Friday.”
Nobody even really argued. Kenny shrugged and said sure. Cartman said he didn’t care. Kyle agreed too quickly. They all called home, waited around while their parents dropped off overnight stuff, then changed into their pajamas.
The night kept going, and Kyle couldn’t seem to stop ending up next to Cartman.
When they switched games, Cartman immediately teamed with him. When they got bored and took a break, somehow the two of them wound up off to the side on their phones while Stan and Kenny argued over what to put on TV. Cartman kept showing Kyle stupid memes that should not have been as funny as they were. Kyle kept laughing anyway. At one point Cartman laughed so hard at something on Kyle’s phone that he leaned into him for a second, shoulder pressing against Kyle’s arm, and Kyle forgot to breathe.
It wasn’t just the weird fluttering in his chest anymore. It was everything.
The sound of Cartman’s laugh.
The way his smile looked when he wasn’t trying to be a dick on purpose.
The way his cheeks rounded when he grinned too hard.
The messy brown hair that never really sat right.
And his eyes—
Kyle’s gaze lingered too long before his own brain caught up with what he was doing. One brown. One blue. He’d always noticed that. Always. But now he was noticing it in a way that made his stomach turn over on itself.
What the fuck?
He stared at Cartman for one second too long, suddenly and horribly aware of how cute he looked when he was actually relaxed.
Cute.
The word hit him so hard it felt like getting punched.
Am I seriously thinking Cartman is cute?
A cold wave of dread ran through him. He stood up so abruptly that Stan looked over.
“Dude?” Stan asked.
Kyle avoided everybody’s eyes. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
Kenny, half sprawled across the floor now, barely looked up. “Okay.”
Cartman didn’t glance away from his phone. “Don’t die.”
Kyle went upstairs before anyone could say anything else.
The bathroom light felt too bright when he flicked it on. He shut the door, yanked off his hat, and dropped it on the counter before leaning over the sink. Then he splashed cold water on his face once. Then again. Then a third time, as if maybe one more round would knock whatever the hell was wrong with him back into place.
He lifted his head and stared at himself in the mirror, breathing a little too hard.
His face looked normal, aside from being flushed. His hair was flattened weirdly from the hat, curls sticking out in every direction. He pressed damp hands to the edge of the sink and leaned closer.
Am I sick?
No. This wasn’t sick. This was something else.
And then the thought he’d been trying not to let form all the way finally did.
Did the love potion work?
Kyle went still.
Every weird laugh. Every stupid rush in his chest. The way his whole body had reacted when Cartman brushed against him at Stark’s Pond. The way he couldn’t stop watching him downstairs. The way cute had just entered his head like that was a normal thing to think about Eric Cartman.
Fear slid straight into his gut.
No.
He gripped the sink harder.
No, no, no. This can’t be happening.
Out of every possible person in the entire world, it could not be Cartman. Not him. Not Eric fucking Cartman.
He was still spiraling when somebody knocked on the bathroom door.
“Kyle!” Cartman called through it. “I need to take a shit. Get out.”
Kyle shut his eyes.
Of course it had to be him.
He looked around wildly for his hat, found it on the counter, then for some reason didn’t put it back on right away. He just stood there for one awful second, trying to brace himself, before finally unlocking the door and pulling it open.
Cartman was standing there in the hallway, looking impatient.
And the second Kyle saw him, that awful feeling came rushing back, stronger than before. His chest tightened. His stomach flipped. His face went hot so fast it almost hurt.
Fuck, Kyle thought. This stupid fucking love potion.
Cartman noticed the way he was staring almost immediately. “What’s your problem, Jew?”
Kyle looked away fast. “Nothing. Bathroom’s all yours.”
Cartman moved to go past him, then stopped short and laughed. “Wait, where’s your hat?”
Kyle froze.
Cartman stared at his hair and grinned. “Dude, your hair is all messed up.”
Kyle reached for his head too late, realizing with a fresh wave of humiliation that he’d taken the hat off and never put it back on. “Fuck off, I left it in—”
Cartman reached up before he could finish and touched his hair.
It was a small thing at first, just Cartman being annoying. His fingers brushed the curls near Kyle’s forehead, pushing at them with a crooked little grin, and Kyle’s entire body locked up.
He went tense all over. His heart kicked into a frantic rhythm that made it hard to think straight. Heat spread fast across his face and down his neck. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but nothing came out. Cartman’s hand was still there, still messing with his hair, and every second of it made Kyle feel more flustered.
Cartman laughed softly. “Gross, dude.”
Kyle swallowed hard.
Cartman kept going, still completely oblivious to what he was doing to him. He tugged lightly at one curl, then flattened a piece down with his fingers only for it to spring back up again. “What even is this?” he said, laughing again. “It’s all weird and tangled. Dude, your hair is so fucked.”
Kyle’s face burned hotter. He couldn’t get a single normal thought together. Every brush of Cartman’s fingers made his stomach twist, and the fact that Cartman was this close, smirking at him, touching him like it was nothing, only made it worse.
Cartman shook his head, still making fun of him. “Seriously, I can’t believe you’re a ginger, a Jew, and from—”
Kyle moved before he even understood he was doing it.
He grabbed Cartman’s face with both hands and pulled him forward in one jerky, desperate motion, stopping just short of actually kissing him.
Cartman went completely still.
His eyes went wide. Color rushed into his face so fast it was almost impressive. “Kyle?”
Neither of them moved.
Cartman swallowed. His voice came out quieter this time, less sharp, like he couldn’t quite figure out what was happening either. “Kyle...?”
The hallway went dead quiet around them. Kyle was close enough to feel Cartman’s breath, close enough to see the shock all over his face, and underneath that, something else… something unsteady, embarrassed, almost nervous. Cartman didn’t pull away. He just stood there, red-faced and frozen.
For one stretched-out second, neither of them moved.
Then a door opened down the hall.
Randy stepped out of his bedroom, took one look at them, and stopped.
Then, to Kyle’s horror, he looked amused.
“Uh,” Randy said, “could you boys maybe not kiss right outside my bedroom door?”
Kyle jerked away so fast he nearly lost his balance. “That’s not what happened, Mr. Marsh!”
Cartman stumbled back a step too, face still red. “Yeah, I would never go for a Jew—”
“Shut the fuck up, Cartman!” Kyle snapped, mortified.
Randy just shrugged, clearly entertained by the whole thing. “Okay.” Then he headed downstairs toward the kitchen as if none of that had been remotely strange.
Kyle stood there in complete humiliation for one second, breathing too fast, face still burning. Then he snatched his hat off the bathroom counter, jammed it back onto his head, and avoided looking at Cartman altogether.
“I’m going back downstairs,” he muttered.
He didn’t wait for a response. He just turned and walked away as fast as he could without actually breaking into a run.
By the time he hit the stairs, his heart was still pounding hard enough to make him feel a little sick.
What the fuck did I just do?