Work Text:
Okay uh update vent thing or whatever: i almost relapsed.
I’ve had a long week, my friend suspects i have a more physical autism when it comes to overstimulation (therefore: almost passing out, not being able to feel my limbs, acting kind of high)
Im not the most mentally stable person, if that wasn’t obvious and I’ve been struggling with my mental health recently, everything feeling numb and slowed and being increasingly tired.
I earlier broke my headphones and that for some strange reason ended up almost being the breaking point, i wanted to give in and relapse so badly, i then, overstimulated got a really bad migraine and was about to throw up, my frontal lobe started to feel like it was buzzing and my right side of my body started going numb. I, out of pure exhaustion, started to daydream kind of and I imagined myself cutting myself and killing myself until I imagined how my friend (who I had previously been talking to and almost passing out mid conversation with) would feel and I started crying and apologising, since this was happening in a group chat where everyone knew about the fact I am not the most stable and such they started thinking I’d relapsed, me and my friend went to dms, I told them i was sorry over and over and that I’d imagined that and they asked me if I had hurt myself, I didn’t because I’d been too tired to leave my bed, and told me that it was okay, they weren’t mad at me and told me to rest, I cried a bit due to the overwhelming feelings and took a break from chatting.
So I’m fine now, physically mostly (I have physical issues but thats outside of this), I just really wish I had comfort and someone to hug, but I’m fine and I’ll push through as always