Chapter Text
Shane should’ve known something was amiss last night when he felt dizzy but in his good defense, he thought he was just missing his boyfriend so hard that his brain wanted to sleep it off so the next day would come sooner and Ilya would be home in his arms once again. Besides, at worst it’s a headache, migraine, food poisoning, the cold or any other common problems. Nothing he couldn’t handle.
Until he wakes up feeling weird, not mentally but physically. He tosses and turns in bed, kicking the sheets and something is definitely wrong. Something feels light or maybe instead of light, it’s totally not there. He doesn’t blink the sleepy away, because his eyes shoot wide open and he darts up with his heart racing in his chest.
Staring at his boxer briefs, his mind fights the delusion even when his body feels it. Shane moves his hand slowly to cup what should’ve been his cock and balls—
Fuck.
He hyperventilates in a panic state; thinking of any possible reasons- there is none because how does one wake up to their dick missing? It doesn’t simply fall off and walk its way out the fucking front door. What the fuck is happening?!
-O-O-O-
Of all the days he misses Ilya and wants him home, today is not the fucking day. Shane has paced the entire household and google searched enough for whatever secret FBI agent behind his screen to be very wary of him, at this point, every online article has given up on him. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s freaking out and Ilya will be home any time—
He hears the sound of the door unlocking, the heavy thud of luggage dropping before Ilya’s very happy, very sweet, very missed voice rings loudly “Hollander!!!!!!! I am back.” He announces, door shut abruptly and heavy fast footsteps approaching.
There is nowhere to run.
Shane’s head thinks of a few escape routes; hiding in the closet (he’s done that one for many years), jumping out the window, rolling under the bed, pretending to have amnesia, fainting, locking himself in the toilet. So many options that he becomes indecisive because of it. Eventually, Ilya shows up right in front of him with the silliest grin ever while stretching his arms wide, ready for a long warm embrace.
He would love to run up and hug the Russian man with all his might but Shane Hollander is dealing with a real fucking problem here and he can’t let Ilya find out.
“W-welcome back.” He mutters out cooly, clearing his throat and crossing his arms so he stops fidgeting around and looking even more suspicious.
Ilya doesn't get the hint, he stands there waiting with open arms, “Come here! I’m back!”
“Uh… I’m really… dirty… I worked out and… yeah- maybe later….”
“Hollander, I’ve sucked your cock and licked your ass, you think sweat is going to stop me?”
The blush creeps up his face and he tries to shrug it off, acting nonchalant and not giving a reply but Ilya stands there waiting until he realizes Shane isn’t going to come over. He deflates like a balloon, pouty “Can I at least have kiss?” sounding so sweet, how could Shane deny him or his own heart. He slowly shuffles over, gives a quick peck on the lips and attempts to bolt but Ilya’s hands catch him.
One snaking around his waist, the other immediately groping his ass “Missed you.” he mutters between hot kisses all over Shane’s cheeks, lips, neck, shoulders, about anywhere he can reach. “Two weeks without you is hard. I hate being away. Did you miss me?” Ilya’s voice is soft and though Shane wants to get away, he also likes being showered with affection this way.
“Yes.” He admits truthfully and it earns him another kiss but this time with tongue and intentions that tells him they’ll be on the bed very soon if this keeps up.
Shane musters all his strength to push Ilya away, muttering some half-ass lie about Ilya being tired from travel, something about the laundry and maybe food, whatever to keep the conversation going without losing his clothes. The other man stands there with a bewildered look as if he cannot fathom what just happened.
The love of his life just pushed him away after 2 weeks of not seeing each other.
“...What is wrong…?” He sounds sad and serious this time.
“Nothing.”
“No. Do not give me that, Hollander, because something is wrong.”
“It’s not a big deal—”
“Shane. Tell me. If something is wrong we must talk, that is what you said before. Are you angry with me? Unhappy? Uncomfortable? Did I do something wrong?”
“No– it’s not you.” Cliché much? “It’s… me.”
Ilya gives him a deadpan look before speaking up, “Okay. What is wrong with you??”
Shane contemplates the pros, the cons, and possibility of death. What are the odds the world will crumble by his feet and he’ll be swallowed by a black hole? How does he even explain it? He knows Ilya will want to see and Shane doesn’t think he can live with that.
“I have a problem.”
“Clearly.” Ilya adds on quickly, still waiting.
“I… don’t have it… anymore.” Shane tries to explain it but the words don’t come out the way he wants it to, “It’s not… there anymore.” with his hand he just gestures like he’s showing something but Ilya looks at his empty hands with a raised brow. “I can’t feel…”
And then Ilya’s face drops, and he looks absolutely gutted “You do not have feelings for me anymore?”
“What?! No! That’s not what I said!” Shane shouts back because he will never stop having feelings for Ilya Rozanov.
“You said you don’t have it anymore! It is not there! You cannot feel!”
Fuck this misunderstanding! That is not what he meant! They’ve come too far from their hidden feelings and thoughts to mess up now and Shane really hates it when Ilya doubts himself or feels bad about opening up because both of them really really struggled in the beginning of their relationship. In a frenzy to fix things, Shane blurts out “I MEANT MY COCK!”
Ilya goes quiet, stunned for a moment.
“...Hollander.” he starts serious and with a sigh for added effect, “If this is some kind of slang or what do you call it…? Double meaning words. I do not understand.”
“N-no. I mean literally. I woke up and… it’s gone.”
The Russian’s bright eyes immediately dart down and Shane feels conscious enough to yell at his boyfriend “Don’t fucking look!”
“...Your cock is gone? And is it like… small or….?”
“No. Gone. Gone.”
“And…………………. What is…. There?”
“You know.”
“I don’t know, Hollander.”
“... A not-cock.” Shane vaguely answers and he can see the way Ilya’s eyes darken at the words he’s insinuating.
“A what?”
“Fuck off, asshole. You know what I’m trying to say!”
“A pussy?” The word is obscene with Ilya’s thick accent and Shane fights the need to shiver though for some reason it feels weird between his legs. He ignores the feeling for now, in favor of continuing the conversation. He gives a brief nod and that’s when Ilya finally smiles, it’s more of a smirk actually.
“Can I see?” he asks politely, adding a “Please.”
“No.”
“Why not? You wake up with pussy, we should play with it.”
What does he mean ‘we’? And what ‘play’? Shane cannot believe his boyfriend is horny while he’s having a mental breakdown over his body. He turns away, walks a few steps further for good measures but Ilya moves to crowd his space, blinking his pretty eyes like a good puppy that deserves treats.
“Come on… maybe I can fix. Let me see. Let me help you…”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Please, Hollander. I will be so good.”
“No. It’s weird.”
“It’s pussy, Shane. Not a fucking alien–”
“In case you didn’t know already, I’m not a fan of vaginas!”
“Well, I am fan so I can help–”
Shane sighs loudly, looking at the ground, answer still unyielding and then Ilya watches him for a moment longer before slowly cupping his cheek and tilting his head up to meet his gaze, “What is really wrong, Shane? There is nothing we cannot go through together, yes?”
“...What if you like it more?”
“Hmm?”
“...Sex with pussies. What if you like it more? And I don’t exactly have the parts.”
Shane remembers his past self and past doubts; the jealousy of seeing Ilya with other women, the mere thought of him caressing someone else, kissing, fucking, loving anyone else that isn’t Shane really fucking hurts. He doesn’t entertain that idea, hates it to the core so there’s some form of insecurity even if it is okay to have preferences in these things.
Ilya utters an endearment in Russian, he kisses Shane and smiles into it, “Silly boy. You think I like all ass? No. I like yours. Just yours. Because it’s yours. It must be attached to Shane Hollander, otherwise I do not care.”
“I know… I know you’re not some horny shallow prick but…. I can’t help but feel weird about it.”
“Okay. How about this? You show me, I check that you are okay and if you don’t want to, I fuck your ass instead. I won’t touch you anywhere else. Promise.”
“....”
-O-O-O-
And that is how Shane Hollander ends up on the bed with his shirt rolled up to his armpits, Ilya laying kisses all over to ease him before he slowly slides the boxer briefs off his hips. Shane’s entire body heats up at the notion, he has his arm covering his eyes because he cannot see Ilya staring between his legs even though he knows his hot gaze is on him. A strangled sound escapes a brief moment when Ilya pushes his thighs even wider.
“Fuck, Hollander.” His voice drops a lot deeper. “That is a very pretty pussy—”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why? But it’s pretty. It’s fat, plump, pink and juicy–”
“Fuck off, Ilya!”
“You are wet.” He states a fact and Shane attempts to close his legs but Ilya holds them wide open, “Don’t. I’m not done looking yet.”
“This is ridiculous, maybe it will disappear tomorrow.”
“Mhm. Maybe.” He sounds distracted, silence follows until Shane moves his arm away to see Ilya just staring at him, cock painful hard in a large tent in front of his pants. “...I know you are thinking of many things. I am only thinking of one. Want to know?”
“What is it…?” Shane asks because curiosity always gets the better of him.
“I am thinking I can have your virginity again.” Ilya’s eyes finally dart up to look directly at Shane’s and something hot bubbles in him before he feels more sticky wet heat between his legs. Fresh slick dripping out of him just because Ilya mentioned having his virginity again. The thought is tempting, to give the other man everything and just surrender it all.
He didn’t like the idea of letting Ilya fuck a pussy just then but the thought of Ilya fucking his pussy and taking his virginity like their first time is taking his head and heart into uncharted grounds. He wants that, exactly that.
“We do not have to if you don’t want to.” Ilya brings his leg up, lays a soft kiss on his inner thigh, looking like an angel talking about sin, “I am happy with whatever you want, Shane. As long as I am with you, I do not care.”
“You want me?” Shane finds himself bold enough to poke the already very horny dragon slumbering within the Russian man. “Yes. Every day. Every hour. Every second. You. In every form, every way. Any way you will let me, I am yours.”