Chapter Text
Hooking up was certainly not easy in a town as small as this one. At least it wasn’t easy for Shane, who had never been one to go out on dates. Most people find him unpleasant and awkward even when he tries his best not to be. In the city he would mostly have drunken encounters, which suited him well. Not much talk, not much thought, just nights with people whose faces he could not remember anymore.
But in this town he can’t possibly do anything. Everyone talks, everyone watches, as though attempting to flirt with someone wasn’t embarrassing enough, here it would be documented for all eternity. He’s been avoiding that shame at all costs, even though it was starting to drive him crazy.
He was certain that they were all secretly doing it anyways. His aunt and Lewis being the most obvious ones, but all the others too. Not like he blamed them, there wasn’t much else to do at a place like this.
Although one person always seemed to be busy. Running around all day, from the shop to the mines, whether it rains or storms. It surprised him how much she’s done with that lousy, overgrown farm. Even on a Friday night like this one, she was sitting quietly by the bar, nodding along when Emily started chatting to her about something but really focusing on whatever she was writing in that notebook of hers.
From the corner he was standing in he always had a good view of her. A coincidence really, this had always been his corner and she began to frequent that particular bar stool. But not one he was upset about. Over time he had grown fond of the sight of her, when she passed by him in the morning on his way to work or when he saw her discussing supplies for her animals with Marnie. He avoided getting used to pleasant feelings like that, but the familiarity of her shape eased his heart.
For a brief moment she put her pencil down and brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. Then she looked up, her eyes meeting those of Shane. She didn’t know how to react immediately, but after a few seconds she awkwardly smiled and raised her hand to wave at him, as though he wasn’t standing just a few steps away from her.
His heart squeezed immediately. That was cute. No, rather, this girl in particular was really cute. Whenever she interacted with someone and it wasn’t strictly about business, she had a certain clumsiness about her. Her expressions were a little odd, as were her movements. She would rub her hands together when she was faced with something unexpected, as though to soothe herself, and seemed to have trouble standing still when having a conversation.
Her awkwardness was in a way stronger than his, which made him feel at ease around her. Over time he accepted that she didn’t have any bad intentions when approaching him, she was just… nice.
He made his way to the bar stool next to hers. She watched him intently while he was walking and sitting down. He scratched his growing beard, reminded of the fact that he should shave, and looked down on her notebook. “What are you doing?” He oh so casually started the conversation. Already he could hear Emily chuckle behind the bar and his cheeks turned a little rosy, but he did his best to ignore her.
She on the other hand looked as serious as ever, though her eyes were shifting around as she couldn’t settle on a place to look. She did seem to avoid direct eye contact usually.
“Earnings, loans, spendings. I try to estimate how much I can spend without running dry for the winter. I have my chickens to feed this year as well after all.”
“Huh, you really are working hard.”
“Of course, I would like to keep living here after all. Doing all this does remind me of when I was an accountant, but doing it every now and then isn’t so bad.”
“You’re all alone down there though. Doesn’t it get tough, having to take care of everything?”
“Summer and autumn will be. For now I’m alright, I get to spend each day in this lovely place after all. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
Hearing her speak so sweetly of this little village, as though she were reminiscing of a lover, made him gulp. He couldn’t see the charm of this place, but he felt as though he could see it in her eyes, the freshness of new growth that emanates from her heart.
“Let me know if I can help with anything when it gets busy. I’m good with animals, but I’m sure I could also pull some weeds or lift something heavy.” As he was saying that he looked at her arms and, although they were thinner than his, they were also far more toned. Feeling a bit embarrassed he realized she might be better at lifting than he is.
“That’s right! You always lift those heavy boxes at your workplace. You must be really strong, Shane!” She replied with an excitement that made him feel bashful. Instinctively he assumed she was making fun of him, but she spoke and looked at him so earnestly. He basked in her compliment and took a sip out of his beer, but noticed that her eyes were still on him.
“Is… something wrong?”
“Oh! No, excuse me for staring. I was just thinking that this is the first time you approached me. I’m so used to pestering you that I don’t know what to say now.” She directed her eyes away from him again and started nervously tugging on a strand of hair that fell over her shoulder.
“It can’t be the first time…”
“No, it is! I’ve kept track of it.” She flipped through her notebook and occasionally pointed at lines he couldn’t read as quickly as she already started looking for another page. From the looks of it she made short notes of things that happened throughout the day. Like a diary, but more concise.
It surprised him that she thought of him as noteworthy enough to write it down each time they ran into each other. He felt his heart thump, but felt a little melancholic along with it. It disrupted his view of himself and simultaneously reminded him of it.
Surely she wrote down the encounters with people other than him as well. But still he was someone a kind girl like her would take note of, as rude and dismissive as he usually was to her.
He couldn’t help but begin to laugh and she quickly turned around to him, it seemed like the feeling that she may have done something odd was slowly sinking in and she began to stutter as she was making excuses for why she was taking so many notes.
After a while she stopped talking and only observed. How his eyes would crease when he laughed, how he would hold his hand up to his mouth to cover it slightly and then bring it up to his forehead to rest his head on his arm.
A man who can make sweet expressions as well, she thought.
“Emily, a beer for the farmgirl.”
“Come on, Shane. Should we be calling you chicken boy?”
Emily placed a beer in front of the young woman, who flinched when the heavy glass hit the bar. She leaned in to take small sips from the top, worried that it would spill if she tried to pick it up.
“You couldn’t have possibly forgotten her name? She’s been here for a year now!”
“Of course I didn’t forget it… it’s Elizabeth.”
“Oh, just Eli is fine.” She showed him a nervous smile, not realizing the tip of her nose and her upper lip were covered in foam from the beer. Almost simultaneously Emily and Shane began to snicker under their breath. Her face was flushed red as she was rubbing her face to get the beer residue off.
“It’s not like I can do it instead, Shane. I still have to clean up the bar and the poor girl should be in bed.”
“I get that, but she’s still a woman, I shouldn’t be the one bringing her home in that state.”
“Consider yourself lucky then.”
“Don’t joke around like that…”
Emily sighed while putting a glass she was drying down.
“You sure are stubborn. I’m lucky you didn’t leave me on the street when I was drunk. Or should I feel insulted?”
“That’s not the same…”
“Oh? Why, what’s different?” With a smug grin she leaned in closer to him. He looked away from her, the heat was spreading to his cheeks. “Fine, fine. I’ll take her home.”
Shane gently shook Eli’s shoulder. She had been quietly dozing off on the bar, her head buried in her arms.
“Wake up, farmgirl. Can you walk?” She muttered something he couldn’t understand and slowly got up from the stool, but almost immediately started stumbling. He managed to catch her before she ended up on the floor and sighed. He hunched down and pointed to his shoulders.
“I’ll carry you. Just hold on tight, okay?” He made sure her arms were properly wrapped around his neck and then lifted her up by placing his hands under her legs.
“Get home safe you two.” Emily waved her rag at them as they disappeared into the night.
Since he was busier talking that day he didn’t drink as much as he usually would, but either way he drank far more than she did. He was glad the countryside didn’t seem to push her into developing any bad drinking habits, though he ended up thinking he shouldn’t have pushed so many on her either. He forgot that the average person would hit their limit at a certain point. And when he properly thought about it he only really saw her at the bar on a Friday or Saturday night and even then opting for some fruity cocktail that he considered water. Emily had certainly been excited to come up with strange drinks for her.
When her rhythmic breathing hit his ears he shifted his focus to the sounds coming from the surrounding woods. The chirping of insects, rustling of leaves as the wind shook the trees. The stars were as bright as he found them each night, but he felt like he hadn’t seen them in a while. That little star on his shoulders, whose light could go unnoticed in the vast sea of the sky, was something precious. Something worth protecting. So really he should not be concerned about her being a woman, she was his neighbor who had become dear to him, though she didn’t have to know about that. When he thought about it that way he smiled and relief washed over him.
She was still sleeping soundly on his back when they arrived at her house. She really was one lucky girl to have received such a large property, but he knew very well of the hard work that went into making it a proper home and making the farm profitable. He figured that he couldn’t have achieved half of what she had done. He lacked the brains for it, he thought. As well as dedication. Lacking, stagnating, someone like him wasn’t meant for work that was about sustaining and nurturing. Even though the world around him changed, he was merely observing it from a tiny window. The man within the room remained still.
“It’sh cold, Shane…” His train of thought was disrupted by the woman mumbling into his ear.
“It is. Let’s get you into bed before you catch a cold.” He managed to push the door open and made his way towards her bed, then turned around to slowly drop her off. But her arms remained wrapped around his neck and her weight pulled him down with her. He found himself sinking into her sheets, her hands wrapped around his head and slightly resting against her chest. “You’re so warm…” She mumbled and nuzzled herself against him. Well, compared to her he must be a heater.
“My clothes are dirty, you know. You’ll have to wash your sheets tomorrow.”
“Is okay.. sometimes I fall asleep in dirty clothes, when I come back from the mines…” She spoke slowly, but at least regained her ability to speak in proper sentences. Shane grunted in response, starting to feel drowsy with the warmth surrounding him.
He wasn’t one to feel comfortable so easily. They weren’t particularly close, which he did blame himself for as he only started acknowledging her existence recently. He was just a bit drunk, that’s it. He wasn’t enjoying being held by someone, to feel someone’s heartbeat as he was drifting off, of course not. It’s not like he’s been craving someone’s touch for months now.
Thinking of it, she would probably be spooked waking up next to him of all people. He contemplated waiting for her to let go of him and then leave quietly, but it didn’t seem like that would happen anytime soon. Her hand was rubbing against his stubble. He wasn’t sure if she enjoyed the friction, but he had to hold in a chuckle whenever her fingers approached his chin.
“Still not asleep, farmgirl?”
“You can call me by my name when you’re in my bed at least…”
“Don’t make it sound like that.”
“Why not?” Her voice suddenly felt closer, tickling his ear with her breath. A shiver ran down his spine.
“Shane.” He felt her shift next to him, but was afraid to look at her. The situation was starting to feel dangerous. Her hand was still resting on his face. She slowly traced her thumb along his jawline, guiding him to turn his head towards her. Her face was right next to his now. Even in the dark, with the only source of light coming from the moon shining through the windows, he could make out the outlines of her features.
His face was burning. Even if she couldn’t see it, she could certainly feel the heat coming from him through her fingertips. Though her hands were warm themselves. And soft, so soft he wanted her to touch him more, he wanted to feel her more.
“Can you say it?” She asked it so innocently, for a brief moment he wondered if he was misunderstanding things. But then there was that husk in her voice. The way her fingers lingered. How she was trying not to breathe too loudly and her breath got hitched in her throat.
“...Eli.”
She was unable to stop a smile from budding on her lips. Their eyes were softly melting into one another as she continued to gently stroke his face. Before the heat from his face would erupt and sparks started flying from him he quickly grabbed her hand. They were both surprised, unsure what to do in this position.
“You’re not usually… like this.” Shane grumbled, a thinly concealed effort to hide his embarrassment.
“Hmm… I’m not usually alone with you.”
Momentarily he found himself too overwhelmed to respond in any way. Too tipsy, too warm, too nervous, too excited, everything all at once combining in a gentle squeeze of her hand.
“Shane… Can I kiss you?” All accumulating in words that fell like droplets during a spring shower.
His heart was thumping so loudly he was certain she could hear.
“I’m.. not sure that’s a good idea…” He somehow managed to squeeze those words out.
“The problem is.. if I started kissing you, I don’t think I’d be able to stop.”
Her lips were parted slightly, taken aback by his words. Before she had the chance to say anything he got closer to wrap his arms around her. “You should sleep now.. or you’ll wake up with a headache.”
He was uncertain whether he was doing the right thing, but as she relaxed into his embrace and closed her eyes he allowed his anxiety riddled head to rest. The plush warmth surrounding him soon lured him into a deep sleep.
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