Chapter Text
I’ve had a rough day.
Don’t get me wrong, my life’s totally way better than it was before, and I’m so, so grateful for those who’ve helped me get to where I am today!
It’s just-
Sometimes, it can be hard to adapt.
Today is one of those times.
I bury my face into the pillow and let out a deep, deep sigh.
That’s it.
I’m sleeping like this.
I don’t care anymore.
That was, until my phone’s alarm went off.
It’s Wednesday!
My eyes shoot open and my hand darts into my pocket.
I can feel excitement jolt through my body as I tap away at my phone.
Quickly, I pull up Youtube, open the stream and flip my phone sideways onto my pillow.
Resting my head on my elbows, I can’t help but let my feet kick back and forth in the air as I watch the countdown tick down.
15…
14…
13…
12…
11…
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
«Nya nya~! Hiii guys~, how’s everyone doing tonight? I hope you’re all doing alright… I can’t have my munchkins being all gloomy and hurt! Make sure to drink water everyone! Stay healthy for me, will you?»
Kiryuu Mashiro.
My oshi, the light of my life, my raison d’être,
She’s cute, pretty, talented…
So many things, and each and every one of them, perfect.
She’s like the complete opposite of me.
Or, really more like everything I wish I could be.
I wonder who she is behind that screen…
What’d it’d be like to talk to her in person…
I imagine she’s stunningly gorgeous at least…
«Sooooo~, today we’ll be playing this little game that got recommended to me by a viewer! Check it out, it’s cal-»
I am quickly snapped out of my trance as I hear the bedroom door behind me click open.
Managing to shove my phone down under my pillow, I bury my face in the space it once occupied.
“Yo Aubrey! You awake?”
I try to make myself sound as exhausted as possible as I groan.
“I am now.”
“Shame, shame. How ‘bout I make it up to you with dinner?”
“Not hungry.”
“C’mon! It’s my Mom’s cooking, you can’t turn that down!”
“I can.”
Kim stands in the doorway for a few seconds before grumbling something out and shutting the door.
Immediately I pull my phone back out.
Looks like someone got her to play The Game of Sisyphus, huh?
Can’t wait to watch this through.
A chuckle escapes my lips as Mashiro, heaven sent child of clumsiness, messes up on the fourth obstacle.
Maybe today won’t be so bad.
* * *
28th of August
I’ve won life! Riches, privilege and prestige means no more troubles for me.
29th of August
Too hasty by far! I am planning to kill myself, and if the remainder of these pages are blank anyone who comes across this diary will know I succeeded.
Today is the worst day of my life.
As I stare down at my diary, I try to think of any way to explain or even justify such a drastic change over the course of a day.
Perhaps I should start at who I am.
Before you, I am Sunny Suzuki, failed human and clinical NEET.
But online, I am Kiryuu Mashiro, an up-and-coming independent Virtual Youtuber.
And what does that mean exactly?
It means I get paid FAT STACKS for going online, playing games while acting like a girl and making the occasional weird/lewd noise here and there.
Or in layman’s terms, I’m set.
I had my entire life laid out before me.
Do this for half a decade or so, bail out with or without controversy and run with the money.
From there, live and eat good all the up to my inevitable, tragic and entirely avoidable death that will most certainly traumatise at least one bystander for the rest of their life.
Sounds great, right?
Little to no work, no school, no drama, stress, nothing but pure bliss.
Well, uh.
Unfortunately, I’m not really at that point yet.
Yeah, I make enough to cause some lonely, depressed, burnt out salary man to kill himself on the spot but it’s still not enough to buy a house or something.
Which means I still live with my mom.
And like the absolute fossil she is, she insists that useless bullshit like “a basic education” and “work experience” are essential to life and that I can’t leech off middle aged, horny men online forever.
I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that about my mom, but anyways, you get the point.
So uh.
Now I’m being forced to go to school.
Turns out my mom had this plan in the works since the start of summer.
Usually, I wouldn’t have a problem with school.
It’s just that I have a problem with school.
Firstly, I don’t need to do it and it’s wasting my valuable time that I could be spending making crusty old men splurge and goon.
Secondly,
Well.
Uh.
See, here’s the thing.
I haven’t really grown much since a little something happened.
Which means I look and sound like I’m about, what, twelve?
Helps a lot when I’m trying to sound like a girl, but when I’m trying to be taken seriously in HIGH SCHOOL, not so much.
Thus, the consensus is:
I’m cooked.
And finally, the little cherry on top of my suffering is…
Drumroll please…
The fact I’m going to school with my opps.
You see, I used to live in this small town that’s like 15 minutes away from where I live now.
Thing is, some stuff went down back there and now I’ve got thugs on my tail.
Usually this wouldn’t be much of an issue, if it weren’t for the fact the school over there is the nearest school that’s even willing to accept me.
So yeah.
Triple cooked.
So that’s why I’m planning on painting the ceiling red tonight.
I’d rather do that now than after having publicly shamed myself in front of my opps.
And also because I’ve already suffered enough today playing that stupid Sisyphus game or whatever.
I sigh and lay my head on my table.
After moping for a bit, I crane my head up.
Staring at the screen, it’s open on OBS.
I stare at my little anime girl rig or whatever as it stares back.
And it is at that moment I am struck with a horrible, horrible idea.
To do so would be to desecrate and lie, and to be caught, complete and utter social death.
I would never.
Even if it’s the only real way to get out of it-
No!
I would never.
I wouldn’t.
Not now.
Not ever.
No.
Nope.
No.
* * *
30th of August
It seems that I’ve been deceiving with these past entries. Not just once, but twice! Certainly, my ancestors look down upon me in shame for what I must do. If the remainder of these pages are blank, I have killed myself in humiliation.
I can’t help but stare at the mirror mortified, surprised, horrified, shocked and impressed all at once.
Even without makeup and with minimal, about shoulder length hair, I’ve already cast away any and all masculinity from my appearance.
I crane my head up, and only then is my Adam’s apple barely visible.
And as for my clothes, well…
I can’t help but hide my face from the mirror in embarrassment and shame.
My sister’s old clothes fit almost perfectly.
It feels sacreligious to use what was once her garments for such a selfish purpose but…
I have little to no choice.
School starts in two days, and I only had three days of notice.
And god knows I don’t want to go outside, let alone go shopping for new clothes.
Mari had quite the wardrobe anyways, so this’ll be enough for whatever this school year can throw at me.
With a sigh, I pull off the two rubber bands I used to tie my pigtails.
Looking back into the mirror, having my hair down actually looks quite nice.
Maybe if I curled it a bit?
No-
No.
What am I thinking?
I’m just doing this out of necessity.
Same as with my job.
Though…
It couldn’t hurt to try another outfit on, could it?
Just to make sure it fits.
Or maybe just a few more…
I mean…
You can never be sure, better to be prepared, so I’ll try them all on…
Out of necessity of course…
Out of necessity…
* * *
31st of August
My masculinity is in danger! Too much has changed much too quick! If life were to throw another curveball at me, I might as well just kill myself! If the remainder of these pages are blank anyone who comes across this diary will know what happened.
Looking at the clothes laid out before me on my bed, I pace back and forth restlessly.
I’m glad I ignored my mom’s suggestions that I get a haircut.
First, it was out of laziness, but now…
It’s for something quite a bit more sinister.
Urgh!
With each of my hands I grab a handful of my hair and shake it about in anger.
Why did my mom have to give me only three days’ notice!
I’m not ready to go to school yet!
Just because I’ve slowly started to act alive again doesn’t mean you can just lob me off the deep end and expect me to swim.
I flop onto my bed and sigh.
Huh.
My hair’s pretty silky.
Getting back up, I walk to my washroom and look into the mirror.
Even without crossdressing, I could already easily pass for a girl…
Really, it’d be harder for me to pass as a guy.
I sigh again.
At least this means there’ll hardly be a chance of me getting caught.
I guess.
I ought to sleep early tonight.
God knows I’ll need plenty of energy for tomorrow.
Just as I’m ready to slip into bed, the doorbell rings.
Maybe it’s mom?
Seeing as how I’m living in the city now, and thus, I get to see my mom wayyy more often, it’s not unlikely.
But at this hour?
It’s too early.
Though there is always the possibility she managed to get off early.
Opening the door, in front of me stands a girl, maybe around my age?
With blond, shoulder length, slightly curly hair tied into a side tail, a red tie and a greyish blue suit/uniform/whatever, she gives off a very exotic, European sort of vibe…
Maybe she got the wrong door?
“Hmph! So you must be Kiryuu Mashiro, am I wrong?”
I immediately slam the door.
I’m getting stalkers already?!?!?!
At least she’s not some creepy fat guy or something…
Soon after I closed it, the girl on the other side started banging on it and screaming things which I just can’t seem to hear correctly.
I open it again and this time, she stands slightly flushed, though with a stance just as prideful, aristocratic and smug as before.
“Don’t just slam the door on me! Have you no manners?!”
She knows me as Mashiro, right???
Um
Uh
Yeah, gotta sound like a girl
“S-sorry!”
She sighs and places her palm on her face before clearing her throat.
“Apologies for that. It must’ve been quite a shock to be referred to by your online handle in person. Anyways, I’m approaching you here today with a proposition. We here at NUMESIQUE are offering a once in a lifetime opportunity! See, we are planning to debut our own little cast of virtual idols quite like you, Mashiro, and YOU specifically have the opportunity to be the star of the debut line! You’ll get to keep your name, appearance, fanbase, schedule and everything else while our team handles all the background work. All you’ll need to do is sit there and look pretty as you rake in more money than you could even imagine! So what do you say?”
After that whole blinding tirade where she spoke with all the passion of a true believer in the middle of a run down apartment hallway, I am left just staring in shock.
“U-uh. Are you sure this isn’t a scam?”
“Of course not! Here, take a business card. Our company is many things, with reliability being one of the biggest!”
As she places a fancy looking minimalist business card into my hand, my brain is still running at 700% capacity trying to take this all in.
“Eh… How… How did you find where I live? Actually, just, please come in first. Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, please and thank you.”
I…
I don’t actually want to make tea for her but looks like I’m short of a choice anyways.
I don’t really have any fancy tea to give so green tea bags it is…
What the hell is happening…
I look over at the sofa she is sat upon.
She has already placed her briefcase on the coffee table and from it, produced a file with a MOUNTAIN of papers within.
As I pour the hot water into the two cups, I watch as she slips a fancy looking, gold plated pen out of her breast pocket.
I soon place a cup of tea in front and across from her, where I take my seat.
It’s a plastic folding chair from IKEA, but a seat is a seat.
“So, would you like to discuss the contract further, or are you looking to-”
“A-ah. No, not for now… I’d just like to know first how you found out where I live?”
“You sent your address to us.”
“...
I did?”
“Yes. In that Email exchange you had earlier with our company. The one about a potential partnership with some of our talent. Do you recall?”
Oh my god.
I do.
I can’t fucking believe-
Jesus christ.
What the fuck is happening right now.
I COMPLETELY HALF ASSED THAT
I DIDN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AT ALL
WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY WANT TO HIRE ME WHEN HALF OF MY EMAILS TO THEM WERE FUCKING CAT MEMES
“It certainly looks like you do now. We recommend you interact with others more professionally in the future. Anyways, would you like to hear more about our offer? There’s no need for you to sign the contract now, or even today so please do take your time to consider this. It’s only typical for you to do so with a document as heavy as this.”
I nod numbly.
“Tell me more please.”
“About what?”
“I don’t know??? How any of this will work?????”
She sighs.
“You’re right. I’ve been rushing things along a bit. Allow me to start from, well, the start. I am Maria Chapdelaine, manager with NUMESIQUE. Should you sign this contract, from then on I’ll be your handler. You will also be legally bound to us as one of our talents. That is, unless these ties are to be severed under the conditions listed under this section of the contract. Feel free to read them through.”
Okay…?
Looks like the only way I’ll get out of it once I sign on is through a mutual agreement to void the contract through a “graduation” or through being terminated…
Looks fairly typical I guess?
I’ve never really read through something like this before…
It’s all so wordy…
“If you have any questions, feel free to ask.”
“Ah, um, no. Actually, I do have one question. I’ve already been doing fine on my own, so what will I gain from not being an independent?”
“Alongside the other things I stated before, we forecast an increase of growth by 218% per month and a profit increase of 331%.”
A profit increase of three times???
Hold on, let me do some mental maths.
I make, what, 30k a year right now?
Times that by three and a bit…
I’LL BE MAKING NEAR TRIPLE DIGITS?????
“Where do I sign.”
I can’t help but drool imagining all the money I’ll make…
Holy shit…
“Here, on the last page.”
Right as I finished scrawling down my “signature”(literally just my full name in print), Maria continues on.
“There is one caveat, though. We’ve noticed you’re still a minor, so we’ll need the signature of a guardian before you may be bound by a legal document like this.”
The signature of a guardian…
My mom…
I’ll need my mom to sign this…
Which means I’ll need to tell my mom about how I’m not actually trading stocks online to make money but I’m actually just making losers in their mom’s basement horny online by acting like a girl…
No.
Fucking.
Way.
There’s no way I’ll suffer such shame just for a triple figure salary!
A triple figure salary…
I’ll be making so much…
No!
No!
Bad!
“I’m afr-”
While I may not be so inclined to make such a sacrifice, it seems fate has come to force my hand.
As my mom walks into the living room, Maria shoots up.
I can't help but melt into the plastic chair as Maria exposes everything I’ve worked so hard to hide from my mother.
Thankfully, all reservations that were visible on my mother’s face disappeared as soon as Maria mentioned the profit margins.
It seems greed runs in the family.
Sat in my uncomfy throne, I watch helplessly as my mom signs me onto the contract.
Or.
Well.
Signs onto the contract I already signed prior.
After exchanging contacts, my new handler waves us goodbye as I ponder each and every one of my life choices up until this moment.
31st of August (Again)
Life has thrown another curveball.