Chapter Text
The rain had stopped falling, but the streets still glistened with the silvery reflections of the afternoon downpour. Penelope hopped a puddle as she leapt up onto the curb. She hadn’t visited London in years, and she instantly found comfort in its familiar grey skies. It had been nearly a decade since she found herself here, yet somehow wandering the streets of Mayfair still felt like home.
Except it wasn’t home. Not anymore. There was nothing left tying her to this neighbourhood. Her sisters were off in the country with families of their own, and her mum had moved to a small place on the outskirts of the city years ago. Penelope really had no reason to be here, but she just couldn’t stay away. She craved the happy memories these streets provided.
Penelope smiled when she saw the sign of her favourite cafe. So much had changed during her time away, and she had hoped desperately it was still there. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in one of the leather chairs with a cup of tea and her laptop. She wasn’t technically on vacation, but she did intend to use her time away from work to finish up some personal writing projects. Her free time was severely lacking these days.
Tea and biscuit now in hand, she spotted an open armchair in the back by the fireplace, the perfect place to curl up and write on this cool, cloudy day. She placed her cup and plate on the side table, sat and tucked her legs up by her side. She rested her laptop on the arm of the chair, closed her eyes and let out a sigh. A slight smile crossed her face as she remembered the last time she sat in this very spot. Her heart fluttered at the thought.
Why must she do this to herself, she wondered.
But that was years ago. The pain of where it led had mostly all passed, and now she felt a fondness for that time more than anything. She went from loving him to hating him to, most of all, desperately missing his friendship – if she was being quite honest with herself.
The cosiness of the cafe and her memories created the perfect headspace. Today, despite all of life’s trials and the gloomy weather, she was content, and the words flowed easily from her fingertips. She needed this.
About an hour had passed, and nearly a whole chapter of her novel (a perennial work in progress) was complete when she heard it. A familiar voice she wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear.
“It cannot be so. Penelope Featherington?” The voice said with a gasp.
She looked up from her screen and beamed instantly at the woman before her. “Mrs Bridgerton! What a surprise!”
“Look at you! Come here, my dear girl!”
Penelope leapt off the chair and into Violet’s arms. They gave each a quick hug before Violet grabbed Penelope’s shoulders and held her at arm’s length.
“Oh, my dear. You have grown so much. You’re so beautiful.” Violet’s eyes gleamed as she ran a hand over Penelope’s cheek.
It was all it took for Penelope to break down in tears, and Violet pulled her back and embraced her tighter than she’d been held in years.
Somehow Violet managed to pull her even closer. “I am so sorry to hear about your mother. How is she doing?”
Penelope pulled away and wiped her eyes. “She is not well. She is having surgery on Monday. That is why I’m home.”
“I was so distraught to hear about her diagnosis. I haven’t seen Portia in a year or so, but I do know how happy she will be to see you. She misses you dearly. Your presence will help her recover, no doubt.”
“I know. I feel bad that I am not able to visit more often. But I was able to take an extended leave from work so I could be with her. My sisters are so busy with their families that staying with her for a month wasn’t an option, and it’s been so long since I’ve been home.”
“Listen to you, Penelope. I fear you’re losing your accent a bit!”
“Oh, Mrs Bridgerton, I don’t believe that’s so. The people of Chicago seem to be transfixed by it. Always asking me to say certain phrases. It’s a real hit when I’m at the pub.” She laughed, and Violet smiled.
“Penelope, you are twenty-six years old now. It is time to start calling me Violet.”
“Of course, Mrs Bridgerton.”
Violet laughed. “I cannot tell you how much it has filled my heart to see you today. Seven years is far too long to be away from family. I am so proud of your ambition and your success, but it is so good to see you home where you belong.”
Penelope’s heart fell momentarily. As much as she was enjoying her time in the States, she, too, always believed London was where she belonged. With her mom and sisters. With the Bridgertons.
“It is very good to see you. I cannot tell you how much I miss your family.”
“We miss you, too, dear.” Violet heard her name called from the counter and glanced at her wrist. “My goodness, I do need to run. But Penelope, I’m not sure if you have heard from Eloise lately, but tomorrow evening we are celebrating Colin’s birthday at his new flat. Anthony is planning this whole game night, and you know him. He’s quite excited about it,” Violet laughed. “But truly, it would mean so much to all of us if you could attend. Colin would be elated. It would make his year.”
A lifetime of memories flashed through Penelope’s brain, and her voice got quiet. “I would like that very much, Mrs Bridgerton.”
Penelope shivered as she finished showing her ID to the doorman of Colin’s building and entered the lobby. She wasn’t sure if it was the chilly March air or the anxiety building in the pit of her stomach. It had been seven years since she started her study abroad semester in Chicago and decided not to return.
She hadn’t seen any of the Bridgertons since. Living an ocean apart made it too easy for her and Eloise to drift apart. They still texted occasionally – in fact, she reached out to Eloise to get the address earlier today – but their once incredible bond had been weakened considerably. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really, just distance, time and life getting in the way. She hadn’t spoken to Colin since the night before she left for Chicago. She was so angry with him when she hopped that plane from Heathrow to O’Hare, but her anger had softened over time. She realised now that life was too short to waste energy on such things.
She entered the lift, hit the button for the top floor, and took a deep breath. The higher she rose, the farther her stomach dropped.
Suddenly she was at his door. She stood there for a moment taking it all in. She could hear music from inside, and most importantly, the sounds of pure joy. No family had a better time together than the Bridgertons. She could hear Benedict’s howling laugh, Anthony’s insistence that they play at least one game before dinner, and although she couldn’t make out the exact words, she heard El make a sarcastic jab just by the tone.
Her knock was soft, and she was certain nobody heard. She worked up the courage and raised her hand to knock again, but as she did so, she heard a quiet voice and footsteps approaching the door. “That’s odd; I swear everyone is here.”
She watched confusion wash over Colin as he opened the door. His face was more angular than she remembered, his hair slightly longer, his eyes still the most remarkable shade of blue. She gulped. “Happy birthday, Colin.”
“Pe-,” his voice hitched in his throat when he saw her. “Pen….” It came out as a whisper, and before she knew it, he scooped her up in a hug and spun her around. He set her down, and she looked up at him, beaming, and she swore his eyes were glistening with moisture.
“Wha—what are you doing here? How?” Every word he could muster came out as a whisper.
She opened her lips to speak, but before she could say a word, she heard footsteps barreling down the hall. Before she knew it, Hyacinth was in her arms, and Gregory engulfed her in a hug from behind.
“Well, I’d say this moment calls for a group hug!” Benedict wrapped all three of them in his arms and rocked back and forth, shaking the group and causing a fit of laughter. Penelope glanced at Colin out of the corner of her eye as Benedict released them. His eyes were locked on her, and she could see his chest moving with quickened breaths.
When Benedict finally let her, Hyacinth and Gregory out of his death grip, she looked up to see Eloise walking toward her, beaming.
“Well, well, look who finally found her way back to London. I don’t know what compels you to endure those cold Chicago winters when you could be here with us.” Eloise put her hands out and shrugged, making a goofy face at Pen before breaking into a full-on beam of a smile.
Pen beamed right back, and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. In this moment, she didn’t know why either. What had kept her away for so long? In an instant she was questioning all of her life choices.
“El, oh, how I’ve missed you.” They embraced for what felt like minutes. Unspoken words and apologies flowed between them, both of them feeling it in their souls as they held each other. Both could have been better friends. They each knew that. But in this moment, all was forgiven.
“Come inside, Penelope! Kate is cooking a feast,” Gregory shouted, leading the crew out of the hallway and back into Colin’s flat.
The Bridgertons all followed, all except for Colin. Pen took one step towards the door when she felt a tug on her hand. Before it registered, she was being spun around and pulled into Colin’s warm hug, her head buried in his chest. She could feel his heart racing. Or maybe it was hers. She didn’t know. She didn’t care.
“You are the best gift I could have ever imagined.”
She could feel his lips brushing against the top of her scalp as he whispered those words, and she knew she had to pull away. For her own sanity.
“Come on, let’s go in. Dinner smells amazing, and there are a few new Bridgertons I still need to meet.”
Penelope had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be surrounded by those you love. Sure, she had made a small friend group in Chicago for whom she cared dearly, but nothing compared to this.
Colin lived alone, but in true Bridgerton fashion, his flat was quite grand. A dining table for 10 seemed a ridiculous purchase for just one person, but tonight it was full, with additional chairs pulled up to accommodate everyone. Colin sat at one end of the table, with Anthony’s wife Kate to his left and his mother to his right. Anthony was next to Kate; baby Edmund pulled up in a high chair next to him. Hyacinth sat on the other side of the baby, helping to feed him and keep him occupied. Penelope sat between Violet and Eloise. Benedict was next to El, with his girlfriend Sophie by his side. Daphne and Gregory squeezed next to each other, heading up the other end of the table. Only Simon and Francesca were not able to be there.
Everyone was enraptured by one of Ben’s stories while they finished eating the delicious Indian feast Kate had prepared, but Penelope found herself zoning out a bit. She was slightly overwhelmed, diving headfirst back into the antics of her adopted family. How fortunate she was to grow up across the street from these wonderful people.
Her eyes darted around the flat as she took a large swig of her wine. She found the alcohol was calming her nerves a bit. The place definitely felt like Colin. Dark blue walls and dark woods set a masculine tone. A built-in bookcase covered one entire wall of the living room, the shelves filled with books and dotted with photos and knick-knacks collected during his travels. Leather furniture surrounded the fireplace on the opposite wall. The tall ceilings and the lightly coloured rugs, curtains, and lamps softened the room, giving it a warm, cosy glow that kept it from feeling too dark.
“Don’t you agree, Pen?”
Colin’s voice startled her out of her reverie. She took another sip of wine.
“I’m sorry, I was just admiring your flat. What did you say?”
“That it’s time for cake!”
Both Penelope and Colin always had a shared affinity for sweet treats.
“Of course. That is the best part of having a birthday.” They shared a smile while Violet carried the cake over from the counter.
His face shone brightly in the candlelight as they all sang to him. He looked at Penelope before closing his eyes and blowing out the flames.
Once the cake was cut, everyone dispersed from the table and spread out throughout the flat. Penelope was filling her wine glass when Eloise appeared at her side.
“C’mon, grab a slice of cake and your cardigan and come with me. You have to see the best part!”
Penelope removed her sweater from the back of her chair, took a plate and followed Eloise to the spiral staircase in the corner of the room. They giggled as they quickly ran up the steps, and when they reached the top, Eloise threw open the door to reveal a private rooftop garden. The city views, which she’d already admired through the windows, were even more beautiful from the outside. Eloise led Penelope to a seating area that surrounded a little gas firepit and was covered by a pergola entwined with twinkle lights. It was absolute heaven.
“You were not joking, El. This is incredible!”
“Isn’t it? It seems Colin has actually gone out and turned his travel adventures into a real career. Who knew?”
She knew. Penelope never doubted that he would make something of himself. She wanted to ask more questions, but before focusing on Colin, she wanted to focus on Eloise.
“El, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. It truly was only meant to be one semester. I never had any intention of staying in America. And I’m sorry we’ve kind of lost touch. There really is no excuse for it these days. I miss you, and I’m sorry.”
Eloise set her cake and drink down on a side table, scooted closer to Penelope on the loveseat, and wrapped her arms around her. “Hey, Pen, I’m at fault, too. Friendship is a two-way street, and I don’t think either of us held up our end. But we’ll be better now, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Penelope chuckled as she wiped away a stray tear running down her cheek.
“So, I find it funny that my mom ran into you at the cafe. I wasn’t expecting you in Mayfair. Your mom moved away from this neighbourhood years ago.”
“I haven’t been to her house yet,” Penelope admitted. “I rented an Airbnb not too far from here just for the weekend. I’m heading to her place tomorrow afternoon. I just needed a few days to feel at home. Her house won’t feel like home.”
“She’s your mother, Pen. And no matter what struggles you’ve had in the past, or how strained your relationship might feel, I’m sure being there with her will feel like home.” Eloise, who still had her arm around Penelope, hugged her reassuringly. Penelope nodded and tried to fight off tears.
“I’m afraid, El. I’m afraid to see her ill. I’m afraid to see her after all of these years. I all but abandoned her.”
“You are here now, Pen, when it matters, and that is all she will care about.”
“I hope so.”
“How long will you stay?”
“I’m planning to be here for a month. I’m hoping she’ll be doing better by the time I have to leave, because I can’t get much more time off of work.”
“Well, we will have to make the most of the next month then, won’t we?” The two friends smiled at each other and hugged again but were soon interrupted by a gentle cough.
“Ahh, the birthday boy!” Eloise looked at him knowingly. “Why don’t I give you two a few minutes? But not too long, because you know Anthony is dying to get the games started.” She pointed an accusatory finger at Colin.
“You can assure Anthony that we will be down in 10 minutes,” he retorted.
“Got it.” Eloise patted his shoulder as she headed for the stairs.
Pen looked up at Colin from the loveseat, and her breath caught in her chest. He’d always been so handsome, but in the years since she’d seen him last, he’d grown even more so. From her current position, he towered over her. Soft curls from his chestnut hair fell over his eyes as he looked down at her. His fitted navy jumper skimmed chest muscles she didn’t quite recall him having. His eyes shone with the reflection of the twinkle lights. God, she missed him. Perhaps coming here was a bad idea.
“Can you tell me how you’ve been up here for the past fifteen minutes and somehow you’ve managed to not even touch that cake yet? That does not seem like the Pen I know,” Colin joked as he sat down next to her.
She chuckled as she picked up the plate and took a bite. He watched her intently as she chewed and swallowed. She raised her eyebrows at him.
“Honestly, I don’t know. It’s El’s fault. She distracted me.” She set the plate back down on the table beside her. “Ok, that icing is incredible! Where is this from?”
Her question went unanswered.
“Pen, I—” he paused, and she looked at him expectantly. “I cannot believe you are here. You…you have no idea how much I have missed you.”
“I have missed you, too, Colin. It has been far too long.”
He grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. “I wish we were reunited under happier circumstances.”
“Hey, it’s your birthday. This is a happy circumstance. I can’t believe you are 31. How are we getting so old?”
He let out a hearty laugh. “Hey, we are anything but old. And you’re still 5 years younger than me!” He picked up a gift bag he had set by his feet. “I saw you bring this in. I was hoping you’d let me open it.”
“Of course! It’s nothing special. Just something small.”
He pulled the first layer of tissue paper out of the bag to reveal a leatherbound journal with an old-fashioned metal latch. In the lower corner, the initials CB were burnt into the cover.
“I got this years ago at this art fair down by the lakeshore. The artist was monogramming the journals right in the booth. Anyway, it reminded me of you, and I hoped someday I’d have the chance to give it to you.”
He already had unlatched the clasp and was fingering the rough, burnt edges of the linen paper inside. “I love it. It’s perfect,” he whispered.
“There’s more!” She urged him to keep digging.
He unveiled a tin canister, featuring the Chicago skyline and the words Garrett’s Popcorn. “It’s from Garrett’s; it’s an institution.”
“What is it?” Colin questioned.
“Only the best popcorn ever made. Cheddar and caramel mixed. You’ll love it.”
He scrunched up his nose. “Sounds strange.”
“It’s amazing. Salty and sweet. Trust me.”
He chuckled. “I always have, Pen. Perhaps I’ll write my review in this very journal.” He smiled at her intently. “Seriously though, Pen, seeing you is the best gift I could have ever asked for. Look, I don’t know how you being here tonight came to be, but I am so thankful.”
“Well, you know you can’t go anywhere in this neighbourhood without running into Violet Bridgerton. She invited me.” She gave him a half-hearted smile before a cool breeze – or tough topic – caused her to wrap herself in her cardigan more tightly.
“I know why you are really home. El told me. Pen, I’m so sorry your mom has cancer.”
“She’s having a double mastectomy on Monday. The doctors are hopeful. Mom, less so.”
“And you? How are you doing with all this?”
He stared into her eyes, unflinchingly. She knew he wasn’t looking for the typical answer she gave during polite conversations. He wanted the truth.
She tore her eyes away from him and stared out at the city lights. She took a deep breath and blinked her eyelids rapidly in an attempt to hold back tears, but it didn’t work.
“I’m struggling, Colin.”
He grabbed her hand and stood up, pulling her with him. Before she even knew what was happening, he enveloped her in his arms. Her tears unleashed, wetting his chest where her head rested. He simply pulled her closer.
“I know my mom and I have had our issues. I mean, I moved across an ocean to get away from her. But there’s always been comfort in knowing she would be here when I eventually returned. And deep down, I’ve always had some small hope that maybe someday, we could mend our relationship. I’ve already lost my dad. What if…”
He swayed their bodies gently while one hand rubbed her back and another petted her hair.
“Pen, whatever you need, we are here for you. I am here for you. I mean it. Absolutely anything.”
She pulled away and began wiping her tears. He ran his thumb across her right cheek to assist. She couldn’t help but smile and look up at him. She had so much more to say. Things she wanted to apologise for. But tonight was not the night. Tonight was a celebration. Of family. Of old friends. Of Colin.
“You know what would make me feel better, Colin? Kicking your ass in charades. We better get back to the party before Anthony has both of our heads.” They started toward the stairs when Penelope turned quickly on her heels. “Wait, first I have to finish this cake!”