Work Text:
They meet on the roof.
Near is in his sophomore year of college and has never once ran into another soul on the roof of his apartment building. This isn’t particularly surprising, as the roof is dark and gloomy and all together unappealing. It’s dirty up there and clearly isn’t an area of concern for the building’s maintenance team.
He likes to escape there to find some calm and quiet, specifically when other students in the building decide to throw their obnoxious parties. He finds comfort in the way the aesthetic is so off putting. Something is poetic to him about how it’s the most peaceful space he has, while everyone else considers it a place to be avoided.
Then, on a particularly loud night in the complex, he suddenly is no longer alone. The sight of another person in his space is jolting and when he first sets foot on the roof, he completely freezes up as his body and mind war over what to do next.
Retreating back to his apartment seems to be the obvious choice, but he finally takes a deep breath and reminds himself that this is technically a shared space. It’s only been by miracle that he’s gone this long without encountering another human. He takes a seat in the single chair that sits on the roof, an old folding lawn chair with an uncomfortable seat and rusted legs. He digs one of his textbooks out of his bag and tries, without success, not to look at the other person who has entered his space.
The other boy stands near the edge and leans back against the railing, golden hair tied up in a half-ponytail and contrasting beautifully with his dark outfit. He has a beer bottle in one hand, an unlit joint in the other, and a cigarette tucked behind one ear. His eyes flick upward, seeming to sense that he’s being watched, and land on Near.
“Not enjoying the party?” he asks, making Near jump in surprise.
He clears his throat and tries to look back at his textbook. “Um, not really. I don’t go to those.”
“Right,” the other boy chuckles. “Why would you when you have this depressing ass roof space to hang out on?”
He finishes off his beer in silence, then abandons the bottle and exits the roof without another word.
Near sighs, relieved to have the emptiness of the roof to himself once again. He finishes his assignment and puts the uncomfortable encounter out of his mind.
When he leaves the roof, he grabs the empty beer bottle and throws it away.
-
They meet on the roof repeatedly. On the third time, they finally exchange names.
Near wonders if he should just accept that the roof is no longer solely his spot. He tries avoiding the times of the day when Mello seems to be there the most, but it makes no difference. Mello still shows up, leans against the railing, and disturbs Near’s peace.
They don’t talk unless Mello speaks first. He’s short and direct with his words, never saying or asking a syllable more than he intends to. Usually he’s either smoking or drinking, and he uses that like a measurement of time. When his hands are empty of either thing, he leaves the roof without a word.
Near continues to pick up the beer bottles. They do not belong in his space.
-
A month goes by, and while Near is still not pleased with the intrusion, he begins to tolerate it. He finds that he no longer holds his breath and hopes the roof will be empty as he climbs the stairs. Instead, he just expects Mello to be there, or to show up at some point.
He learns that Mello isn’t from the area when he mentions something about, “the way it is where I’m from.” Near nods and briefly explains that he is from somewhere else as well. They don’t ask where the other is from. They don’t explain how they ended up in New York.
Near decides that it really doesn’t matter anyway.
-
Some time during the second month, Near creates a system for himself. If Mello makes eye contact with him when one of them appears on the roof, then Near will greet him first. If not, then he waits for Mello to speak.
He no longer tries to keep his head down when Mello is there. To his horror, he finds himself doing the exact opposite, watching Mello when he isn’t looking. He develops a sudden and strong interest in the way Mello flips open his lighter and cups one hand around the flame to shield it from the wind. When Mello is drinking, Near finds himself studying the way his lips press against the bottle.
Mello never looks back. If he’s noticed the staring, he doesn’t acknowledge it.
Near wonders occasionally if Mello even really knows he’s there. He imagines that, if there were another body in place of his on the roof one day, Mello probably wouldn’t know the difference and would carry on like he always does. He still stands in the same spot by the railing every day, looking off into the distance. Near doesn’t know what he could possibly be looking at. There’s certainly no impressive view, just the neighboring apartment buildings which pretty much look exactly the same as the one they’re on.
Then, the roof changes.
The chain of events is set off by Near tripping over the legs of his beloved rusty lawn chair. He only stumbles slightly, but immediately feels a deep sting in his ankle and looks down to see blood dripping into his sock.
“Shit,” he hisses under his breath.
Mello raises an eyebrow at Near’s use of the swear and then takes three very calculated steps toward him. He cranes his neck a little to get a better look at Near’s ankle.
“You should clean that up,” he says, like it isn’t obvious to Near already. “Maybe get a tetanus shot or something. That chair’s probably been sitting up here longer than either of us have been alive.”
He leaves without another word.
The next day, Near steps out of the door and stops dead in his tracks. Mello isn’t there, and neither is his rusty, uncomfortable chair. Instead, there's a mismatched table and chair set that Near has clearly never seen before. They aren’t new, and Near recognizes the price stickers that have been left on them from the thrift store down the street, but they are clean and sturdy and in much better shape than the old lawn chair.
He sits down cautiously and puts his bag down on the table. Although he had planned on getting some homework done, his books never leave his bag. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, doing nothing but attempting to catch up with his racing thoughts.
Mello doesn’t show up that day, to Near’s disappointment. He wants to ask questions, to at least say thank you for the kind gesture, but he is not granted the opportunity. Before he retreats to his apartment, he rips a sheet of paper from his notebook and does something that he learned as a kid but has not done in years. He folds it into a swan. He writes ‘thank you’ on the wing in black ink and leaves it on the table.
He doesn’t see Mello the next day either, but when he gets to the roof, the swan is gone.
-
Mello finally reappears a week later. He doesn’t say where he’s been, and Near does not ask. However, his stomach twists a bit when he realizes that he feels relieved to have Mello in his space again.
He thanks Mello for the furniture. Mello just nods once and doesn’t say anything else about it. He flips his lighter open, and Near stares at his fingers.
-
Near’s ankle heals without issue, but does leave a scar about an inch wide. He tries not to look at it. When he does, his mind fills with images of thrifted furniture and golden hair.
Mello doesn’t show up consistently anymore. On the days he is on the roof, he has dark circles under his eyes and a pack of cigarettes in his hand. He chain smokes, which Near doesn’t appreciate, but he does find something endearing about the way Mello fans the secondhand smoke away from him.
Near’s college holds a meeting for the students where they talk about a rise in gang violence in the area and advise everyone to be cautious when walking around campus at night. It makes Near’s stomach feel terrible, and as he lays in bed that night and listens to the sirens outside, he simply hopes to himself that Mello is on the roof the following day.
-
Mello does show up the next day, complete with a black eye and bloody knuckles. He doesn’t tell Near what happened, and Near doesn’t ask.
Near does, however, walk right past his usual seat and stand beside Mello at the railing. Everything is silent for a long time, other than the occasional sound of Mello exhaling smoke and waving it away from Near’s face. When he finally finishes his last cigarette, he looks up and allows his eyes to meet Near’s. His expression is sad and troubled, but Near can tell he’s trying to hide it.
“You should clean that up,” Near says, smiling gently as he echoes Mello’s words back to him.
It takes some effort, but Mello smiles back. He lifts his uninjured hand and places it on Near’s shoulder, then squeezes it just enough to cause Near to hear his own heartbeat in his ears.
-
“You want a drink?” Mello asks, tilting his beer bottle toward Near. It’s the first time he’s ever offered anything of the sort.
It’s been six months since they first encountered each other on the roof. Near still comes up with the intention of finding a quiet spot, but he no longer sits at the table unless he is actually doing homework. Now, he stands next to Mello by the railing.
Mello still has some weeks where he doesn’t show up. He usually has a fresh bruise whenever Near finally sees him again, but they still don’t mention it. The school now sends out weekly emails reporting the safety status on campus and to remind the students to travel in groups at night if they have to be out.
Near scrunches up his nose at the beer. “Absolutely not.”
Mello laughs at him and takes another long drink. “Why not? You don’t drink at all?”
“I’m not sure,” Near answers. “I don’t necessarily think I’d like it, but that’s not the problem.”
“Then what is the problem?”
Near frowns, clearly offended. “I’m not gonna drink after you. That’s weird.”
Mello throws his head back when he laughs this time. Then, with his free hand, he grabs the front of Near’s shirt and pulls him in. Mello kisses him, and Near is so shocked he doesn’t even close his eyes. When Mello’s tongue touches his lower lip, a shiver runs down his spine. Mello notices, and moves his hand from Near’s shirt to the small of his back to hold him steady.
“There,” Mello says when he pulls away. “We’ve exchanged germs. So now do you want a drink?”
He holds out the bottle again, and this time Near takes it. The beer is warm when it hits his tongue, and he fights not to spit it back out.
He wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve and grimaces. “That’s horrible.”
-
Unsurprisingly, they don’t talk about it.
Near sits through his lectures and tries to pay attention, but most of the time finds his professors turning into background noise while his fingertips dance over the spot where Mello’s tongue touched his lip.
He almost misses the sudden announcement that classes are canceled for the next week due to the violence in the area. A curfew is set on campus and they’re told not to be roaming around at night unless there’s an emergency.
When class is dismissed, Near hurries back to his apartment and runs to the roof with a stomach full of dread.
Mello isn’t there, so Near waits.
He waits so long that he ends up watching the sun go down. He stays planted firmly in his seat. The curfew doesn’t apply to him since his apartment is off campus, and besides that, he knows that no one will come to the roof. This place is only for him and Mello.
It’s well after midnight when he finally leans onto the table and rests his head on his arms. He fights to keep his eyes open, determined to stay awake to see if Mello will show.
Please, he thinks to himself. Please show up.
He loses the battle and dozes off while still silently begging Mello to come to the roof.
-
He wakes to a hand on his arm and nearly jumps out of his chair. When he looks up, he finds Mello in front of him, leaning down slightly so he is eye level with Near. He brushes a piece of hair out of Near’s face and smiles crookedly in a way that doesn’t meet his eyes.
Near grabs Mello’s wrist without thinking and shakily says, “Please tell me everything. I want to know that you’re okay.”
Mello’s mouth curves into a frown and he shakes his head. “Not here. Come with me.”
He takes Near’s hand, and Near lets him. For the very first time, they leave the roof together.
Mello holds Near’s hand all the way down to the second floor where his apartment is. Near didn’t even know that Mello lived on the second floor. He’s never asked.
They sit on Mello’s faded couch together and Near refuses to drop Mello’s hand. It’s quiet for a long time before Near breaks the silence, unable to wait any longer.
“What’s happening?” he asks. “My school keeps giving us all these warnings about gang activity, and now they’ve even canceled classes. How involved are you in this? Are you safe?”
Mello’s eyes lower and he sighs. Then, he begins to tell Near everything.
He tells him about where he’s from. He tells him how and why he ended up in New York, and about the people he’d met not long after moving. He explains the things he’s done to try and keep himself alive, and how he wishes it could have been different so they could meet under better circumstances.
Near knows that there’s not much he can or do to make Mello feel better, so he simply returns the favor. He tells Mello where he’s from. He talks about his family and the events that led to him choosing to attend college in New York. He talks about choosing his major and what he hopes it will provide for him later in life.
Then, they return to the silence. Near knows they won’t talk about any of it later, but he doesn’t care.
Now that it’s all out in the open, they can put it behind them. They are not in their pasts anymore. They are here together in Mello’s apartment, and nothing else matters.
“Do you want some tea?” Mello asks as he stands from the couch.
“You mean you actually have something besides beer?”
Mello rolls his eyes and heads toward his kitchen, ignoring Near’s question.
Near also stands up and stretches his legs, both of which have fallen asleep from being tucked under him while he sat on the couch. He walks around Mello’s living room, even though there isn’t much to see. There’s the couch, an old tv the Mello has propped up on a kitchen chair, and a small table in the corner, which makes Near stop walking. On it, there is a candle that’s never been lit sitting next to an object that he recognizes. He takes a step closer and his heart stops.
It’s an origami swan, with ‘thank you’ written on the wing.
Mello returns with two mugs of hot tea. He looks down uncomfortably when he sees Near staring at the swan.
“Mello,” Near says, without looking up. “Why did you kiss me?”
Mello laughs as he sets the mugs down on the carpet in front of the couch. “Well, surely you don’t really think it was to exchange spit so you’d drink my beer.”
“I’d hope not. That’s why I’m asking.”
“Well,” Mello steps closer. “I kissed you because I wanted to.”
Near finally meets his eye. “Do you want to do it again?”
“Will you let me?”
Near nods, and that’s all Mello needs. Before Near even knows what’s happening, Mello has him up against the wall. Their lips crash together awkwardly at first but Near is proud of himself because this time he remembers to close his eyes.
-
They go back to meeting on the roof after that, which Near can’t decide if he’s disappointed about or not. He tries not to read into it.
The roof is familiar, but things are different. Mello touches him now, and they kiss while they talk. Mello still smokes and Near makes faces when he can taste it on Mello’s lips, so he starts eating candy while they’re together instead. Near starts using his tongue when they kiss to show his gratitude.
Near’s classes resume but the college keeps the curfew in place. He tries to ask Mello about it, but Mello just tells him he’s better off not knowing too much and asks him to stay in after dark unless they’re together. Near isn’t satisfied with that answer, but he doesn’t push it.
Mello once again starts going days at a time without showing up on the roof. Near stops by his apartment now that he knows where it is, but Mello is not home. He slides his phone number under Mello’s door on a piece of paper and leaves, defeated.
-
When Mello finally returns, his bottom lip is split and his shirt is stained with blood. He looks tired, the kind that goes all the way down to a person’s bones.
They stand by the railing in silence, and Near doesn’t complain when Mello smokes. Mello still fans the smoke away from Near with a shaky hand.
“I’m getting out,” Mello finally says, crushing out his cigarette on the rail. “Of, you know, the situation that I’m in. I can’t do it anymore.”
Near nods and carefully takes Mello’s hand. “You should. But are you able to? Without getting hurt any more, I mean?”
“I don’t know.”
“Hm,” is all Near can manage in response to that. “Well, for now, let’s get you cleaned up.”
-
Near pushes his way through his final exams. Mello has been gone for several days, and he fights to keep himself focused on anything else.
He tries to go onto the roof and study the way he always has, but it doesn’t help. Now he sits in his thrifted chair for hours, hugging his knees to his chest and watching the sun go down as he wonders why it no longer feels the same.
This roof had been his safe place. It separated him from the noise of the parties that took place within the building and gave him a quiet place to be alone with his thoughts. It brought him to Mello, even when he thought he didn’t want that.
His chest tightens as the realization hits him that the roof is no longer his safe space. Mello is.
He lies awake in bed that night and listens to the sirens. He pretends Mello has nothing to do with the reason that he’s hearing them.
-
Mello finally returns, covered in more blood and bruises than ever before. He drops his head onto Near’s shoulder and lets out a shaky sigh.
“It’s done,” he whispers.
Near closes his eyes and rests his cheek on Mello’s head as he looks out at the sunset. They don’t speak after that.
In fact, Mello doesn’t speak for the next three days. He stays in his apartment but makes no complaint when Near comes over first thing in the morning. Near spends the days cooking with ingredients that he brought from his own apartment and forcing Mello to eat. In between meals they sit on the couch and watch sitcoms on the one channel that works on Mello’s tv. At some point, Mello pulls Near’s feet into his lap and absentmindedly traces the scar on his ankle.
Something about the gesture fills Near’s heart with a warmth that he’s never found anywhere else. He remembers the cut, the furniture, the swan that still sits in the corner of Mello’s apartment, and he knows.
He loves Mello.
When he heals, I’ll tell him, Near thinks.
-
And Near does tell him, though it isn’t as smooth and effortless as he imagined it would be. It tumbles out of his mouth with no warning, and he assumes the fact that he looks at Mello in horror after he says it does not help.
“Um,” he clears his throat. “Yeah. I just thought you should know. Don’t say it back, okay? I know when someone says ‘I love you’ it feels like you’re required to say it back. But you don’t have to say you love me, too. It’s really okay.”
He looks at Mello helplessly, begging the words to stop coming out of his mouth.
“Okay, I won’t,” Mello grins. “But I do, you know.”
Near sighs, relieved, and grins back.
-
They stay in the building until both of their leases run out. Near spends his time studying with his feet in Mello’s lap. Mello spends time staring at Near while his finger runs across the scar on Near’s ankle. One day, Mello tells Near that he wants to enroll in school. Near thinks that’s a wonderful idea and helps him through the process.
They move across town together. The apartment they share is slightly smaller and the building no longer has roof access, but Near doesn’t mind.