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Yuuji didn’t want to go. He hated the overstimulation of victory celebrations. Yes, he was always happy to be supportive of his teammates but parties seemed to attract too much drama. Without fail, someone would always end up worse off. Yuuji didn’t particularly care to be around the revolving door of mood swings that generally assembled at house parties, and he was also completely physically drained. He’d only gone home to shower and change, and his bones still ached. He would have much rather spent a quiet night hanging out with his brother or his best friend, but said best friend had specifically asked that they attend the baseball team’s first party of the season. Junpei wasn’t much of a social butterfly but every so often, he enjoyed partaking in the spoils of Yuuji’s popularity. As one of the top athletes at their school, Yuuji was always invited to every class function and in general, people had a tendency of flocking to him. It was fine, though it would sometimes leave him feeling isolated. People placed him on some odd pedestal and left him there to gawk at.
It wasn’t that Yuuji disliked being social. He was simply a far more introverted person than people gave him credit for. Yes, he enjoyed partaking in sports and he was on friendly terms with just about everyone, but he much preferred the intimacy of spending quality time with a handful of genuine friends rather than a crowd of gossiping acquaintances. He hoped that Junpei would get bored quickly, and they could go watch a movie or something. When he arrived, he spent some time accepting congratulations from his classmates, as well as his teammates. It felt as though he were having the same conversation on repeat. It was all compliments and praises that he didn’t care for. Yuuji smiled and bore it, but he was lonely in the crowd.
He asked around for Junpei and even attempted to call him, but his friend was nowhere to be found. He had made it through the crowd on the impromptu dance floor, and ended up in the backyard before he finally noticed the text from Junpei. Yuuji sighed as he read the apology. Junpei’s mom had called, and he’d left before Yuuji had even arrived. Yuuji rattled off a quick message of understanding and pulled up his brother’s contact. He asked Choso if he would pick him up. His brother responded immediately, telling him that he’d be there in twenty. Yuuji decided that he’d just wait out front. He had no desire to have the same conversations again.
When he turned around to search for a side entrance he could escape through, he noticed a group of people sitting around a small fire pit. They were all clearly partaking in the celebrations. There were empty bottles and a plume of smoke surrounding them. A few of them were talking boisterously over the music that was pumping out from the inside festivities. Yuuji wouldn’t have paid them any attention if it weren’t for the person at the head of the circle; sat with one of their classmates in his lap was Yuuji’s neighbor. Fushiguro Megumi had lived next door to Yuuji since they were children. They had only ever exchanged a few minor pleasantries outside of their homes and they never interacted on campus. Still, Yuuji had somehow managed to develop an incessant crush on his aloof neighbor. He had never admitted it to anyone, not even Junpei, but it had been years since the inception of his infatuation.
People were always confessing their feelings to Yuuji. Over the years, he had received countless propositions but he’d always shut them down as kindly and effectively as he could manage. He would tell his friends that he wanted to focus on school but in truth, he was waiting. He knew it was stupid. Megumi had never shown any signs of being interested in guys; not that Yuuji paid special attention to the snippets that would pass along about the teen. From what he had gathered, Megumi didn’t even date. Yuuji had always found some comfort in the fact that he had not once heard that Megumi was seeing someone else. More times than he’d be capable of admitting, Yuuji had allowed himself to believe that Megumi was waiting for him to make the first move. Megumi had turned him into a fool from the moment their eyes had first met.
Yuuji stood watching for a moment. His stomach was turning and he felt unreasonably agitated. No one in the group had even noticed him but Yuuji couldn’t stop himself from staring. At first, Hana had only been giggling and playing with Megumi’s hair while he smoked, paying her no mind. When Hana leaned in and began to make out with Megumi, Yuuji nearly cried out in pain. He had no right to feel hurt but he was. His legs pulled him forward and he acted with no thought.
“Fushiguro!” Yuuji shouted over the uninspired playlist that was seeping from inside. He flinched at the sound of his own voice. He sounded uncharacteristically angry. The group all turned to look at him with amused expressions. Yuuji felt dumbfounded as he was locked into a strange staring contest with his nearly lifelong crush.
“Yeah?” Megumi replied after a stretch of time had passed in palpable tension.
“Umm… my… my brother... D-Do you want a ride home?” Yuuji offered, completely mortified.
“You know me?” Megumi asked. His face was unreadable.
“We’re neighbors… it’s me, Itadori,” Yuuji answered. He was suddenly hyperaware of how hot his face felt. He really wished that he had just stayed home.
“Right,” Megumi said.
“Never mind,” Yuuji told him as he made his way to the side of the house. He wanted to vanish. He couldn’t wait to be back in his room and never speak of the exchange again.
“Hey!” Megumi shouted. Yuuji turned in time to watch him stand. Hana scrambled not to fall on the ground. “Aren’t you going to wait for me?” Megumi asked.
“Y-yes?” Yuuji responded nervously. He waited for Megumi to reach him and they left without another word.
They made it to the sidewalk, in front of the house, and Megumi pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He offered one to Yuuji. When Yuuji shook his head, Megumi shrugged and lit his own. It was black and smelled sweeter than Yuuji expected. Megumi looked so stylish smoking it, Yuuji was shaken by how attractive he found the act.
“You’re leaving your party kind of early,” Megumi said after he released his first drag.
“This isn’t my party,” Yuuji answered.
“No? I thought this was all because the team won or some shit,” Megumi spoke in a detached tone.
“Yeah but that has nothing to do with me,” Yuuji replied.
“Aren’t you the captain and the star player?” Megumi said with a smirk.
“You’ve seen me play?” Yuuji asked but Megumi didn’t respond. He continued to smoke, watching Yuuji intently. It sent a shiver through Yuuji’s spine. “Umm, either way, I don’t really like coming to these things.”
“Why not? I bet everyone in there was just fawning over you,” Megumi questioned.
“I don’t like that. It makes me really uncomfortable,” Yuuji confessed for the first time. He wasn’t sure why but it was easy to admit the truth to Megumi. Maybe it was because he showed no interest in viewing Yuuji as some sort of trophy, or maybe it was because Yuuji had so long craved to have any interaction with him. Regardless of the reason, Yuuji knew that he’d always be honest with Megumi. He need only ask.
“Hhmm,” Megumi said simply with a nod of his head. They stood in silence while Megumi finished off his cigarette. It was strange to Yuuji how much he enjoyed the experience. Megumi’s company was exhilarating and relaxing all at once.
When Choso saw that Megumi would be joining them, he scowled at Yuuji but Yuuji just smiled awkwardly in return. The ride home was mostly entirely quiet, save for the classical music that played softly through the car speakers. Yuuji looked out of the passenger window and every so often, his eyes would meet Megumi’s through the side-view mirror. Yuuji would always turn away immediately, feeling embarrassed to be caught staring but unable to stop himself from looking again.
Once Choso had shut off the car in their driveway and they’d each stepped back into the night, Megumi thanked them for the ride. He offered Yuuji his hand and shook it, theatrically congratulating him for a good game before winking at Yuuji and turning to walk toward his house. Yuuji felt himself fluster. His cheeks began to heat again, and he was only cooled down by his brother clearing his throat loudly.
“Baby brother, please don’t make it a habit of socializing with that boy,” Choso said firmly as they both watched Megumi enter his home.
“Fushiguro is our neighbor and he’s… nice,” Yuuji argued, turning to face his brother.
“I’ve spoken with his parents before. He’s troubled. He disappears for days at a time. They wouldn’t say it but I know it’s drugs. I don’t want you around someone like that,” Choso warned.
“He’s top of our class,” Yuuji informed him. He suddenly felt very defensive. He wasn’t a stranger to the rumors about Megumi’s recreational activities but he didn’t understand why his brother thought it was their place to judge.
“Yes, well, I don’t know how he manages that. Still, I would appreciate it if you kept your distance. We both know how you are with broken things,” Choso said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yuuji replied. He turned away from him as though stung and made his way to their front door.
“Yuuji, you’re such a wonderfully kind person. Your capacity for caring is absolutely beautiful, but you need to be careful. People like that are drawn to people like you. They’ll use you up just to make themselves feel better for even just a moment. I’m not saying that it’s intentional. I’m sure Fushiguro is a decent kid but he wouldn’t be able to help it,” Choso lectured him as they entered their home.
Yuuji didn’t say anything in response. Instead, he thanked his brother for picking him up and told him that he was tired, wishing him a good night. Yuuji prepared for bed all the while thinking about his minor interaction with his major crush. Choso’s words sunk away somewhere deep in his subconscious. All that Yuuji could remember was how his heart raced when Megumi clasped his hand, and how it skipped when Megumi winked at him. He hoped that now that they had shared their first real words to each other, they’d get the chance to speak again. He felt almost giddy at the possibility of spending more time with Megumi. He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to sleep. He turned on his television and let a horror movie play in the background. He tried to focus on it but his thoughts kept wandering to Megumi. He wondered if his neighbor had gone to bed already. He wanted to wish him sweet dreams, even if just in a quick text. He realized that they hadn’t actually exchanged numbers, and his spirits dropped. He was about to turn the movie off and try to bury his sadness in sleep, when he heard a tapping on his window. He nearly shrieked. Other than the light coming from the movie, his room was dark. He froze beneath his covers, wondering if he’d imagined the sound. After a moment, the tapping repeated and Yuuji stood from his bed. He walked over and pulled the heavy curtains open. His eyes widened when his face met that of his crush. He frantically opened the window and Megumi smirked at him.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” Yuuji asked.
Megumi pulled himself up so that he was sat on the windowsill.
“I thought you might want some company,” he told Yuuji. His lazy, carefree smile left Yuuji stunned with its beauty.
“In the middle of the night?” Yuuji managed to ask.
“You seemed lonely. Is that not what you were trying to tell me while you stared at me on the drive home?” Megumi responded.
“Umm… about that… I was just…” Yuuji started. He struggled to find any excuse that would be even just a percentage less embarrassing than ‘I was staring at you because I think you’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen and I have liked you for as long as I’ve known of you’.
“Can I smoke in here?” Megumi asked, interrupting Yuuji’s internal monologue. He already had a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. Yuuji didn’t understand how such a filthy habit could look so enticing.
“Umm, my brother is just down the hall. He might smell it,” Yuuji replied.
“Right. I’ll stay by the window then,” Megumi said. He lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply. Yuuji’s mouth almost watered at the sight. Everything that Megumi did was somehow the most attractive thing Yuuji had ever seen.
“Do… do you want to watch a movie?” Yuuji offered. He felt dumb but he wanted any excuse to extend his time with Megumi.
“Could I sleep here tonight?” Megumi asked in return. Yuuji didn’t know how to react. His mind went blank.
“Your parents won’t get mad?” Yuuji questioned after a moment.
“They already are. What’s one more fuck up,” Megumi said, shrugging slightly and taking another deep drag of his cigarette.
“Are they mad because you were drinking?” Yuuji asked. He was genuinely interested in any information Megumi would grant him about his life.
“Among other things,” Megumi answered. “So are you going to let me stay here or what?”
“Yes, that’s fine. Did you want to use the guest room?” Yuuji replied.
“Isn’t that a perfectly good bed right there?” Megumi questioned, pointing at Yuuji’s bed with his cigarette still in hand.
“Uh, yeah. Go for it. I can take the guest bed,” Yuuji said without thought.
“Why? Are you afraid it’ll make you gay to share a bed with a guy?” Megumi asked. He tilted his head and smiled smugly. Yuuji didn’t believe that there was any real malice behind the words or the act. Somehow, he just knew that Megumi was trying to put up a front.
“I am gay,” Yuuji admitted easily.
“Yeah right,” Megumi mocked.
“I am. Is that a problem for you?” Yuuji said more boldly. Megumi looked at him intensely before laughing and shaking his head.
“Nah, just stay on your side of the bed and we should be fine,” Megumi answered.
“Okay,” Yuuji replied. He was less certain of himself. He couldn’t believe he had agreed to share a bed with the only person he’d ever had any sort of attraction to. He turned anxiously from the window and made his way back to bed. He returned his attention to the movie, but from his peripheral he watched Megumi.
Megumi put out his cigarette on the windowsill and closed the curtains. He walked over to the bed, kicking off his shoes and jeans, and joined Yuuji in bed. He leaned casually against the headboard, staring at the television screen.
“What the fuck are we watching?” Megumi asked after a moment of gore.
“Life,” Yuuji responded simply.
“What?” Megumi questioned, a small scowl on his features.
Yuuji laughed at Megumi’s confusion. “It’s a dumb movie but I always thought it was pretty entertaining. Umm… so basically humans find a sample of the first life form in space and everything goes wrong,” he explained.
“So everyone dies or something?” Megumi asked.
“Can we just watch the movie?” Yuuji said, laughing quietly.
“Fine,” Megumi conceded. He crossed his arms and they watched the rest of the movie in comfortable silence. They commented every so often and Yuuji considered that he could faint from how much joy he felt to have Megumi’s companionship. When the credits started, Megumi turned to face him.
“Really?” Megumi asked, a brow lifted.
“What? You didn’t like it?” Yuuji responded.
“It was pretty good but really? That’s how it ends?” Megumi questioned.
Yuuji laughed. “I like it. It’s kind of open-ended. This is a cool song too, don’t you think? It isn’t by my favorite movie composer but I think they did such a great job with this song specifically. You can really feel the horror of what just happened,” Yuuji answered, half in contemplation.
“You’re strange,” Megumi said.
“I am?” Yuuji asked. He could feel a small frown on his lips. Was he weird? Would Megumi find that unattractive?
Megumi stared at him in the dim light of the screen and Yuuji felt his heart racing.
“Did you want to wa-” Yuuji started but he was interrupted by Megumi’s lips on his own. At first, Yuuji didn’t know what to do but it didn’t take long for him to reciprocate Megumi’s attentions. When they pulled apart, breath heavy between them, Megumi smiled widely. Yuuji considered how much the expression resembled artwork.
“I did tell you to stay on your side of the bed but I never said I’d stay on mine,” Megumi told him, almost in warning. Megumi climbed on top of him, holding Yuuji’s face in his hands and taking his breath away. Yuuji tried to speak between Megumi’s onslaught.
“Wha-what about Ha-Hana?” Yuuji asked. He was having a hard time thinking over the force of his own lust but he didn’t want someone else to be harmed by his lack of control.
“Who?” Megumi questioned.
“The girl who was in your lap tonight,” Yuuji clarified, though he thought it confusing that he would have to.
“She just had something of mine. She’s no one. Don’t worry, baby. I’m all yours,” Megumi assured him.
Megumi followed his hollow words by sticking his tongue in Yuuji’s mouth and groaning. Yuuji felt intoxicated by the sound. He knew that what they were doing probably meant nothing to Megumi, but it was like a dream to him. He’d been attracted to his neighbor for years. He’d never imagined that he’d get to kiss Megumi, let alone in such a heady way. Yuuji couldn’t have hoped for a better first kiss. Sure, Megumi wasn’t entirely sober and he was being more aggressive than sweet, but Yuuji felt like his entire body was buzzing. He was doing his best not to add hope and meaning to their make out session. He wasn’t completely stupid. He knew Megumi wasn’t attracted to him. At least he was pretty sure, but then Megumi slid a hand inside Yuuji’s underwear and Yuuji felt himself slipping. His heart was erratic and his head was spinning. When Megumi wrapped his fingers around his shaft, Yuuji nearly cried. The broken whimpering sounds that escaped left him feeling humiliated.
“You like that, huh?” Megumi whispered against Yuuji’s neck.
“Y-y-es,” Yuuji panted as Megumi slowly played with him.
“Do you want to come in my mouth?” Megumi offered so bluntly that it shocked Yuuji.
Yuuji moaned. It was all that he could manage. He was already so embarrassingly close. He had fantasized about Megumi performing the exact act on him enough times to be considered creepy and pathetic. Megumi moved without any more prompting. He stripped Yuuji from the waist down and replaced his fingers with his lips, sucking Yuuji down in one go. Yuuji shut his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing. Megumi’s mouth was so warm and welcoming. Each time that his teeth grazed the underside of Yuuji’s dick, Yuuji cried out for Megumi. It became enough of an issue that Megumi placed a palm over Yuuji’s mouth to quiet his moaning. Somewhere in his right mind, Yuuji understood that Megumi was being smart. Choso was only a few doors down. It would be traumatic for him to walk in on them. With his voice silenced, Yuuji struggled to warn Megumi that he couldn’t last any longer. He moved one of his hands from where he’d curled it around his sheets and pushed at Megumi’s shoulder. Yuuji’s longtime crush wouldn’t budge. Instead, Yuuji felt him suck harder. Yuuji came screaming into Megumi’s palm and spasming in his mouth. When Yuuji finished twitching, Megumi released him, moving his hands to Yuuji’s hips.
“Turn around for me, baby,” Megumi instructed, helping Yuuji flip onto his stomach. It was made difficult with Yuuji’s limbs feeling unattached to him but they managed somehow.
“Where’s your lube?” Megumi asked.
Yuuji lifted his arm weakly and pointed to his dresser. “Top drawer,” he mumbled against his pillow.
Yuuji felt the bed shift and then heard the sounds of Megumi rummaging through the dresser. A moment later, the mattress dipped and Yuuji felt a hand on his back. Megumi massaged downward and fondled Yuuji’s ass cheeks. His praises mingled with the wet sounds of what could only be Megumi jerking off.
“You’ve got such a perfect perky ass, baby,” Megumi said with a heavy breath. “I bet it’s nice and tight too. Fuck, I bet it would take me so well.”
Yuuji moaned and pushed up into Megumi’s caress.
“Someday,” Megumi promised. Yuuji could feel Megumi rubbing his cock between his ass cheeks. His thrusts became sporadic and he muffled his groans against Yuuji’s nape. Megumi’s movements stuttered and Yuuji felt the warm viscosity of Megumi’s climax oozing between his ass and down his thighs. Megumi rested his forehead on Yuuji’s back. Yuuji could feel the tickling of his breath.
“Fuck. That felt so good. Thanks, baby,” Megumi said before standing up. Yuuji heard him walking away and then he could register the sounds of Megumi in his bathroom. Yuuji flinched when he felt the warm cloth gliding up his thighs. Megumi wiped his spend and joined Yuuji back in bed. He turned off the forgotten television and settled with half his body holding Yuuji down.
“Goodnight, princess,” he sighed.
“Goodnight,” Yuuji said softly.
Yuuji wondered why Megumi would call him that. He wondered what any of their interactions had meant. He worried that the daytime would bring about regret and Megumi would be repulsed by him. He hoped that something more could come from their deeds. His crush had been such a longstanding part of him. It wouldn’t be enough to share just one night with Megumi. He understood that it was the more likely outcome but he allowed his thoughts to be selfish. As he drifted out of consciousness, Megumi peacefully asleep on top of him, Yuuji imagined what it might be for Megumi to want him too. He was hopeful that he would get to experience Megumi’s touch again; that maybe, just maybe, something more would come of it.
_____________
Megumi woke groggy and dehydrated. It took him a moment to recall why he wasn’t in his room. He had fought with Gojo when he showed up smelling of booze and cigarettes, and very clearly high. He hadn’t even really overindulged so why his father was being so obnoxious with his scolding was beyond him. He had run off so that he could enjoy what was left of his lingering buzz, and found himself wandering to his longtime crush. Megumi had been attracted to his pink haired neighbor for as long as he could remember, but he had never considered that Yuuji even knew who he was. Sure they’d acknowledged each other in passing from time to time, but Megumi couldn’t believe that Yuuji had initiated their first real interaction. He had also never imagined that Yuuji wasn’t straight, let alone that he would reciprocate Megumi’s attraction to him. The details were fuzzy but Megumi was pretty sure that Yuuji had been an enthusiastic participant in their late night antics.
The thing that made him doubt his recollection, besides its overall general unreliability, was that he was alone in Yuuji’s room. There was no sign of his neighbor in his bedroom or the attached bathroom. Megumi felt his blood run cold, and not just because he had come down from his high. Had he fucked things up before they’d even had a chance to start? He knew that he might have been too eager to be physical with Yuuji but they hadn’t actually had sex. They’d made each other feel good. Would Yuuji consider that disgusting? Megumi got dressed. He figured there was no point in hanging around and dwelling on things he couldn’t control. Once he’d gotten a couple of assignments done, he could spend the rest of his weekend erasing Yuuji’s rejection from his memory.
“Oh, are you… are you leaving?” He heard from behind him. He turned to find Yuuji standing in the doorway. He was carrying a tray and he looked upset. Megumi wondered what had caused such a beautiful face to dip with a frown.
“I thought that maybe I should,” Megumi replied. Now that nothing was dulling his senses, he felt entirely too nervous to be alone with Yuuji.
“Oh,” Yuuji said, looking down at his tray.
“What is that?” Megumi asked. He allowed himself to hope, for a split second, that the idea of him leaving was the reason Yuuji looked so upset. Yuuji’s gaze met his and he smiled shyly.
“You slept through breakfast but I thought maybe you’d like some lunch,” Yuuji informed him.
“It smells really good,” Megumi said.
“Thank you… will you eat some before you go?” Yuuji asked, stepping further into the room.
“Okay,” Megumi agreed. Yuuji’s smile widened.
They ate in relative silence, sitting on Yuuji’s bed. Megumi found that he didn’t particularly dislike it. He wasn’t all that hungry but he continued to eat because Yuuji seemed so pleased with himself. Megumi got the sense that Yuuji was a natural caregiver and that he was genuinely enjoying watching Megumi eat something that he’d prepared for him.
“Megumi? I was wondering if you were free today?” Yuuji asked, setting down his finished plate.
“Why?” Megumi replied, looking at him with uncertainty.
“Well, if you have time… I was hoping that maybe you’d like to go see a movie with me,” Yuuji said. There was a pink flush on his cheeks. It was pretty and Megumi found it entirely perplexing.
“Why?” Megumi repeated.
“I really liked spending time with you, and I just thought it’d be nice to get to know you better,” Yuuji said earnestly.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Megumi responded.
“Oh… because you’re not into guys, right?” Yuuji inquired.
“Yuuji, correct me if I’m wrong but you came down my throat last night, didn’t you?” Megumi replied, a smirk on his face.
“Yes, sorry. I couldn’t help it,” Yuuji said. He fidgeted with his fingers and his blush deepened.
“Don’t apologize, but please tell me which part of me taking your load on my tongue reads as completely heterosexual to you?” Megumi asked.
“Then you just don’t think you’d like me?” Yuuji questioned in return.
“Reverse that. I don’t think you’d like me very much,” Megumi informed him.
“I already like you,” Yuuji admitted quietly, averting his eyes.
Megumi opened his mouth but he was interrupted by his phone vibrating on the nightstand.
“That’s probably your dad again,” Yuuji said. “I wasn’t being nosy or anything, but your battery was low so I plugged your phone in and saw the missed calls.”
“I’ll call him back,” Megumi said, already dreading the conversation.
“Maybe you should just pick it up now? He’s probably really worried,” Yuuji suggested. It was excruciatingly obvious that he was a good person. Megumi had no right to be in his company; that much was also clear.
“He’ll be fine,” Megumi replied.
“Please?” Yuuji said. He looked at Megumi eagerly with his warm caramel eyes, and Megumi felt his walls crumbling.
“Shit… okay,” Megumi conceded before grabbing his phone and accepting the call.
“Hello? Megumi!?” Gojo spoke as though he were genuinely surprised that Megumi answered, making the tally two.
“Hey, dad,” Megumi answered.
“Where are you? Where have you been?” Gojo asked.
“I’m next door. I slept over at Yuuji’s place,” Megumi responded.
“Itadori? Are you lying?” Gojo questioned, his tone skeptical.
“You won’t believe me either way so what does it matter?” Megumi said. He was becoming agitated, though he knew he had no real right to be.
“Put him on the phone,” Gojo instructed.
“I am definitely not doing that,” Megumi told him.
“Megumi, you need to do this for me,” Gojo insisted.
“Hold on,” Megumi conceded. He felt mortified to even ask it. “He… my dad, he wants to speak with you. Is that okay?” Megumi lifted his phone toward Yuuji.
“Of course!” Yuuji said cheerfully.
“Hello?” Yuuji greeted Megumi’s father, and Megumi could only hear his side of the conservation. “Oh, hello… Yes, he slept here. I’m so sorry that I forgot to remind him to tell you! I invited him to watch a movie and we fell asleep after. We were up kind of late but we just finished lunch, so he should be over in a few minutes. Yes! I will be sure to tell him… Umm, Gojo-San, I was wondering if it’s okay if Megumi goes out today? I just invited him to the movies. He hasn’t said yes yet but I think it’ll help if you say it’s okay. Perfect! Thank you so much! Oh, no, that’s totally fine! Yes, umm, okay… Here you go,” Yuuji said, handing Megumi his phone back.
“Satisfied?” Megumi questioned sarcastically.
“Hardly, but it’s a start. You’ll come straight home before the two of you head out, okay?” Gojo told him.
“How much trouble do you think I could possibly get into between our houses?” Megumi asked.
“I love you, Megumi. Come home,” Gojo said. He sounded worn out.
“I’ll be there in a bit,” Megumi replied. He felt guilt settle in his stomach.
Megumi ended the call and looked at Yuuji.
“You really didn’t have to lie for me,” Megumi said. His guilt extended from the worry that he caused his parents to the ease by which he had taken advantage of Yuuji’s kind heart.
“What part of anything that I said was a lie? Anyway, the movie starts in a couple of hours. I know it’s early, but I prefer matinées. You should still have time to go home and get ready though,” Yuuji informed him.
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t agree to anything,” Megumi responded. He was at a crossroads. The part of him that managed to not be entirely selfish told him that he should walk away. Yuuji didn’t need someone like Megumi fucking up his perfect life. Then there was the piece of him that was greedy and lonely; the bit that craved the warmth and light exuding from Yuuji.
“You didn’t say no either. Pick you up at two?” Yuuji offered. He beamed and it was dazzling.
Megumi was still smiling as he made it across Yuuji’s lawn and through his front door. He couldn’t believe he had a date with his crush. More than that, Yuuji had gone so far as to confess that he liked him; not that Megumi believed him. It didn’t make any sense, but he supposed that Yuuji had been receptive to his touch. Megumi tried to stifle his optimism. Yuuji was a friendly person. Everyone knew that. Maybe he was just trying to be friends. Megumi decided that he would be open to being anything that Yuuji wanted him to be.
“You look happy,” Gojo spoke up from his seat at the kitchen island.
“Uh, yeah,” Megumi said, his smile dropping at the sudden recollection of his guilt. “I’m sorry about last night.” He really hadn’t meant to upset his parents. He just hated how little faith they had in him. He was perfectly capable of being in control of himself.
“I know you are. You’re such a smart kid, Megumi. I just wish you’d stop making the same mistakes. You know I hate lecturing you. I’m not my parents. I don’t want to be domineering. I’m really trying to trust you. Please stop making it so difficult,” Gojo spoke in a compassionate voice. It was obvious that he was attempting to connect with Megumi.
“It’s not an active effort,” Megumi responded.
Gojo sighed. “So, Yuuji? I didn’t even know you two knew each other,” he inquired.
“It’s a relatively new thing,” Megumi said.
“A ‘thing’? Are you dating?” Gojo asked. He raised a brow and smiled mischievously.
“We’re not going there. I gotta get ready,” Megumi answered.
“For your date?” Gojo asked with a shit-eating grin. “Okay but remember that you still need to be safe, even if neither one of you can get pregnant.”
“DAD.” Megumi warned.
“Fine. Go hug your father. He’s in his office. He’s been worried,” Gojo told him.
Megumi walked into Geto’s office careful not to make too much noise and startle him from his usual work trance. He went up to his dad, where he was sat at his desk, and hugged him from behind.
“Hey, dad,” Megumi said with his chin resting on his father’s shoulder.
“Hello, my love. I’m so happy you’re home,” Geto said softly.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about last night,” Megumi spoke with remorse.
“You know we love you more than anything, right?” Geto asked. He turned his head so that he could peer into Megumi’s face. Megumi looked back at him. There was only kindness and affection there. Megumi never understood how his father could always be so unchanged despite everything that Megumi put his parents through. It left him feeling hateful toward himself.
“Yeah,” Megumi answered. He let go of his father and began to walk around the room, looking at random books here and there. He ran his fingers over the spines. He could feel that his father was watching him, patiently waiting for Megumi to find his nerve.
“Dad… how would I know if a guy actually likes me,” Megumi finally asked.
“Is this about your date with Yuuji?” Geto asked.
“How do you know about that already? I just left dad downstairs,” Megumi said with a frown.
“He told me earlier that you spent the night at Yuuji’s and that the two of you are going to the movies today. That, coupled with the fact you’ve been infatuated with Yuuji since you were six, makes it fairly easy to figure out. If anything, I’m just surprised it took you two this long. He likes you too. Trust me. Are you planning on admitting your feelings to him?” Geto spoke as effortlessly insightful as ever.
“I don’t know,” Megumi shrugged.
“Well, don’t rush anything but I do think this could be really good for you. It’s about time that you let someone in. You’ve been stagnant in that regard for far too long. Even Kento thinks so,” Geto told him.
“You know I hate it when you talk to my therapist about me,” Megumi said, frowning again.
“Sweetheart, we share a practice. He doesn’t tell me anything that he shouldn’t, and can you really blame me? This is the most you’ve opened up to your father or me in months,” Geto responded.
“I better go. Yuuji is picking me up soon,” Megumi said. He ignored his father’s words.
“Megumi?” Geto spoke up as Megumi was at the door. “I’m really happy that you’re doing this. Yuuji is lovely.”
“It’s just a movie,” Megumi mumbled.
Yuuji bowed frantically. “Thank you so much for letting Megumi go out with me. I promise we’ll be back at a reasonable time. It’s just a movie and maybe dinner, if Megumi wants to. I haven’t asked him that part yet but I thought it might be nice. Hopefully I’m not getting ahead of myself. I just figured we could decide how we felt about it after the movie. I’m sure Megumi has assignments that he needs to get done too, so we won’t stay out too late. But, I mean, we have to eat something, right? It’s important and since we’ll be out already…”
“Itadori, take a breather. It’s really no problem. I’m sure the two of you will have a nice time together,” Gojo interrupted. He smiled reassuringly at the nervous teen.
“Oh, okay, thank you,” Yuuji replied, blushing radiantly.
The rest of Yuuji’s official introduction to his parents wasn’t nearly as awkward as the car ride that they shared with Yuuji’s older brother. Megumi knew right away that Choso was not his biggest fan. The man kept eyeing him through the rear view mirror, and he had a perpetual scowl as he weaved through the streets. When he dropped them off, he told Yuuji to enjoy himself; smiling for the first time before glaring at Megumi, all within the same breath. Yuuji apologized repeatedly as they made their way into the theater but Megumi assured him there was nothing to forgive. He understood why Choso would be unhappy about the prospect of his brother dating someone like Megumi. He would never dream to deem himself worthy of Yuuji. Regardless of what came to be of them, Megumi knew that he would be lucky to spend any amount of time in Yuuji’s presence.
Megumi’s heart felt as though it were lodged in his throat. He knew he should have taken something for his anxiety but he wanted to know for certain what Yuuji wanted from him. He wondered exactly how he would figure that out when he could barely manage to sit beside Yuuji. He’d only kissed Yuuji first because his inhibitions had been nonexistent. Megumi turned to get another glimpse of Yuuji’s face in the cover of the dark theater. He was startled to find Yuuji staring back at him. Megumi furrowed his brows and tilted his head as if to ask whether something was wrong. Yuuji blushed and lifted his right hand. He placed it on the armrest between them, palm up. Megumi stared at Yuuji’s fingers. He could have sworn, even in the low light, that they were trembling. He knew with certainty that his were shaking as he moved his left hand to curl his fingers around Yuuji’s offering. When Megumi turned to look at Yuuji again, his gaze was back on the screen. Yuuji’s face was almost entirely crimson, and Megumi smiled before returning his attention to the movie. A few minutes later, after Megumi had all but given up on understanding what they were watching, Yuuji leaned his head to the side and rested it on Megumi’s shoulder. Megumi stiffened before mimicking Yuuji’s act of bravery. They stayed like that through the rest of the showing. Though Megumi didn’t comprehend anything that was happening on the screen, he knew perfectly well that he was falling in love.
When they came out of the movie, they were still holding hands and Megumi couldn’t be more thrilled. Yuuji made no sign of being uncomfortable. If anything, he seemed as content as Megumi had ever seen him. They decided to walk a couple of blocks to a small restaurant Yuuji favored. They ate off of each other’s plates and Yuuji explained how the movie they’d seen actually had three predecessors. Megumi had laughed like he hadn’t in years when Yuuji finally realized his mistake in taking him to the sequel for a trilogy. In that moment, Megumi decided that his new favorite color was the pink of Yuuji’s cheeks whenever he was remotely flustered.
They took the train back and walked from the stop, holding hands. Yuuji talked animatedly during their entire trek. Megumi wondered if he was always so vocal or if he was just nervous. Either way, Megumi loved it. Yuuji’s voice was his favorite melody. It was sweet and optimistic and so full of life, like nothing Megumi had ever before experienced. When they stopped between their houses, Yuuji looked at Megumi apologetically.
“I’m sorry. I was talking too much, wasn’t I?” Yuuji asked.
“Not remotely. I like hearing your voice,” Megumi told him.
“Okay but let me know if I am. It won’t hurt my feelings. Sometimes I feel like I’m using up more than my fair share of words,” Yuuji said.
“You can have my share. You say them better,” Megumi replied effortlessly.
Yuuji stared at him with wide eyes.
“Was that dumb?” Megumi asked, embarrassed at his lack of experience.
“No, it was really sweet,” Yuuji responded breathlessly.
“Do you maybe want to spend some time together tomorrow?” Megumi found the nerve to ask.
“I really wish that I could but I’m going to be busy. I-uh… I’m not the best student. It’ll probably take me the rest of today and most of tomorrow to catch up on homework. I’m sure that’s not really a problem for you, huh?” Yuuji replied.
“What do you mean?” Megumi questioned.
“Well, you’re like really smart. Everyone knows it,” Yuuji answered, and the pink on his cheeks returned.
“People exaggerate,” Megumi said with a shrug.
“I guess that’s true but it always seems like you understand everything so easily,” Yuuji countered.
“Have you been watching me?” Megumi asked.
“No… umm, not all the time. I just sometimes notice. I should… go… uh, homework,” Yuuji stuttered, and his pink reddened. It was beautiful.
“Yeah, okay,” Megumi agreed.
Megumi stayed and watched as Yuuji jogged up to his door. When he reached it, he turned and smiled.
“Thanks for today!” He exclaimed, waving before disappearing into his home.
As soon as the door shut, Megumi felt that familiar itch at the back of his mind. He enjoyed his day with Yuuji but now he was alone again. He knew he would see Yuuji eventually. He just disliked the uncertainty of their situation. It made him feel wound up and anxious.
The rest of his Saturday was spent burning through his Adderall stash and finishing up his assignments for the week. It was a breeze and he decided to reward himself with a relaxing high. Gojo was on rotation at his hospital, and Geto was thoroughly distracted in his office. They’d shared a nice evening together. Afterward, Megumi had told his dad that he would be finishing up his work and going to bed early. Suguru had checked on him before diving into his own workload, so Megumi didn’t expect to hear from him for the remainder of the night. His father was in the habit of losing himself to his notes and readings. It meant that Megumi was free to get blitzed without any interruptions.
He took just enough Vicodin to mellow out the lingering effects of his study marathon. Then he took a little more so that he could really enjoy his night. The waves of euphoria that surged through his head were wonderful. They made the cloves in his cigarette taste smoother. He felt pleasant as he laid back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He tried to focus on how good his limbs felt as he sunk into the soft comforter. He was listening to his favorite playlist and while it would normally make his high more enjoyable, he felt off. Something was missing and it made his jaw clench. He stood and paced around his room, attempting to decipher what he had forgotten. He lit another cigarette and walked over to his window, blowing smoke out. He noticed the light still peaking from Yuuji’s window and knew instantly what it was that he needed. He snuck out as silently as he could, not that his dad would be easily disturbed. He made his way across the lawn, dressed in the same sweatpants and simple black shirt he’d been lazying about in. As he had the previous night, he climbed up the vine covered lattice that lined the side of the house below Yuuji’s window.
He was about to tap on the pane when he noticed the slit where the window had been propped open. He pushed it up and climbed into Yuuji’s room without issue. He half expected Yuuji to shout in surprise but the pink haired teen was hunched over his desk, back turned away. He had headphones on and he was scribbling like a mad man. Megumi watched him for a minute. Even from behind, Yuuji was so pretty. It made Megumi hard just to be near him. Yuuji leaned back in his chair and sighed. He sounded almost defeated. Megumi thought it the perfect time for a distraction. He walked up carefully and wrapped himself around Yuuji’s shoulders. Yuuji flinched and turned his neck, eyes wide when they landed on Megumi’s face. His words died against Megumi’s lips as they dove quickly into a make out session. Yuuji tried to speak as Megumi spun his chair around.
“Megumi, what…” he started but was silenced as Megumi dropped to his knees. He made quick work of taking Yuuji’s length in hand. Megumi swallowed him down without preamble and Yuuji cried out. As Megumi worked Yuuji between his lips, Yuuji’s moans and whimpers drove him wild. He stuck a hand beneath his waistband and began to jerk himself to the rhythm of his bobbing head. He wasn’t going to last. Yuuji turned him on like nothing else ever had.
“Megumi… I’m gonna…” Yuuji warned with a shallow breath. “I’m gonna come. I’m…”
Megumi took Yuuji’s load against the back of his throat. When he came a moment later, his eyes rolled back. He felt so good. The intensity that his orgasm brought to his high was dangerously addictive. He finished lapping at Yuuji’s spent dick and tucked him back in. Megumi sat and caught his breath, careful not to touch anything with his cum-drenched hand. Yuuji stood wordlessly and walked around him, returning a minute later with a washcloth. He cleaned Megumi with a gentle touch, kissing his forehead when he finished.
“Do you want to sit on the bed?” Yuuji offered.
“Yeah, baby. Help me up?” Megumi asked. He was dizzy and his legs felt too loose to hold him up.
Yuuji offered his hand and Megumi took it. His head spun when Yuuji pulled him up. Megumi closed his eyes and Yuuji asked if he was okay.
“I’m fine, princess. Just a little lightheaded,” Megumi told him as he laid down on Yuuji’s bed.
“Do you want some water? Maybe you’re dehydrated,” Yuuji offered.
“Sure,” Megumi answered.
Yuuji told him that he’d be right back. Megumi closed his eyes while he waited. He really did feel fucking amazing. He was slowly easing into unconsciousness but then he felt a light touch on his thigh. He sat up too quickly and smiled at the tide of bliss that overtook him. Yuuji gifted him with a sweetly lopsided grin of his own. He looked confused but Megumi simply extended his hand to accept the bottle of water Yuuji had brought for him.
“Thanks,” Megumi said after he had downed half of the cool liquid in one go.
“You’re welcome… umm… and thank you?” Yuuji replied with uncertainty.
Megumi laughed and Yuuji turned his beautiful shade of pink. “That was entirely my pleasure, princess,” he assured. Yuuji sat beside him.
“Why do you call me that?” Yuuji asked shyly.
“Because you’re pretty as a princess. Does it bother you?” Megumi questioned in return.
“No, I like it more than I thought I would,” Yuuji answered.
Megumi kissed him softly.
“And I really like it when we kiss,” Yuuji admitted when their lips parted.
“Do you?” Megumi asked, his triumphant smirk was unavoidable.
Yuuji nodded and Megumi surged forward, locking their lips again. He pulled Yuuji on top of his chest and dug his fingers in Yuuji’s pink locks. They kissed hungrily. The wet sounds of their clashing tongues mingled perfectly with their periodic moans. When they pulled apart to catch their breath, Yuuji rested his head on Megumi’s shoulder and Megumi considered that he would gladly stay like that forever.
“Would you want to make this an exclusive thing?” Megumi asked without hesitation.
“As in… you’ll be my boyfriend?” Yuuji replied, lifting his head to study Megumi’s expression. Megumi gave him a small, almost imperceptible, nod. “Okay, yes. I want that,” Yuuji said. He smiled with a radiance that surpassed every star, and Megumi was in love.
_____________
Dating Megumi was a whirlwind. Yuuji fell fast and hard. Megumi was loving to the point that it left Yuuji in a constant daze. He made it a point to spend as much time as possible with Yuuji. He constantly showered Yuuji with attention and affection. Yuuji lost himself entirely in their relationship. He hardly spent time with Junpei. His best friend was as supportive and understanding as any friend could be. It was Yuuji’s first time dating, and Junpei told him that he was genuinely glad to see how happy Megumi made him. Yuuji felt guilty, but he was just so deeply and breathtakingly in love. It was like being in a teenage love song. His steps were lighter and his face was in a constant state of fluster. Megumi would gift him a different bouquet of flowers for every week that they were dating. After the third, Yuuji gifted him his virginity. It happened so organically, it was easier than Yuuji had imagined. Megumi took his time to make it as enjoyable as possible for the both of them. With Megumi inside of him, Yuuji felt the most intoxicating sense of belonging. He got the impression that Megumi had the same sentiment. They made love almost nightly. They took turns sleeping in each other’s beds, and soon there were markings of their relationship status in every aspect of their lives.
In Megumi’s parents, they found two very supportive figures. Megumi’s dads were always doting on them. They were welcoming of Yuuji to no end. They had no problem with Yuuji sleeping over, though Megumi did have to prevent Gojo from his regular attempts at teaching them about safe sex. Choso was far more reluctant to accept the relationship but ultimately, he couldn’t deny that Yuuji was happier than he had ever been. Choso had conceded on allowing Megumi to sleep over after he realized that there would be no chance of keeping the boyfriends apart. He preferred that Yuuji be in his own bed and if that meant Megumi slept right beside him, then so be it. Choso had given them a tense lecture beforehand, primarily directed at Megumi. Over time, he had been welcoming enough; never even remarking whenever he’d come down for breakfast and the boys would already be in the kitchen, half-dressed and flirting as they cooked.
“Yuuji, do you mind if we talk for a minute?” Choso asked one morning before school. Yuuji paused packing his backpack to look at him and Choso cleared his throat awkwardly. Megumi, ever the clever one, stood and took his bag with him.
“I gotta grab something from my room. Meet you outside?” He told Yuuji with a soft smile. Yuuji could tell, from the look in his eyes, that Megumi wanted him to know he wasn’t offended.
“Yeah, sounds good,” Yuuji agreed. Megumi kissed his cheek, and wished Choso a nice day.
“Don’t get mad at me, okay?” Choso prompted as soon as Megumi was gone.
“Don’t say anything mean about my relationship,” Yuuji warned him.
“Yuuji, the two of you have been practically inseparable since the start. Is it too much to ask that you sleep apart for just one night? Or that you spend some time with your friends instead?” Choso questioned.
“I hang out with Junpei at school, and my teammates during practice,” Yuuji responded as calmly as he could manage.
“And you give everything else to him. I remember when you used to have movie nights with your best friend, or even when you would go on outings for team bonding,” Choso argued.
“Is it so horrible that I have someone who really wants to be with me?” Yuuji asked.
“It is if there’s codependency there. I worry that he uses you to curve his vices but they’re still a part of him. Don’t tell me you don’t notice that he’s not always entirely sober,” Choso said. He sounded exasperated, and Yuuji didn’t understand why when he was the one who was being lectured.
“It’s really none of your business. We’re teenagers. There’s nothing wrong with having fun every now and then. He’s not hurting anyone. Besides, I know he cares about me more than any of that,” Yuuji said with complete certainty.
“Listen, I know I’m just your annoying big brother but I’m worried about you. Just consider giving yourselves some healthy space. When’s the last time you went to the center? I bet they miss you,” Choso replied.
“I’ll go today. Will that make you feel better?” Yuuji offered.
“It’ll help,” Choso answered.
“Alright, I gotta go,” Yuuji said, picking up his bag.
“I love you and I just want you to look after yourself,” Choso told him with a look of concern.
“I know… I love you too,” Yuuji said. He hugged Choso before leaving. He knew his brother meant well.
Yuuji spent his day going over his conversation with his brother, and worrying. He knew that Choso wasn’t entirely wrong but he didn’t want to upset Megumi. He didn’t want for his boyfriend to ever feel as though he was undesirable in anyway. Yuuji loved spending time with Megumi. He didn’t think he could ever grow tired of it. Regardless, he understood what his brother was attempting to say. It wasn’t exactly healthy for people in a relationship to allow it to consume them. They needed to function as individuals too.
By the time classes ended, Yuuji had failed miserably to come up with the right words that wouldn’t mistakenly hurt his boyfriend. By a sheer stroke of luck, Megumi gave him the perfect opening.
“Hey, baby, I have to run an errand but I’ll still come by later. Is that okay?” Megumi asked while Yuuji was grabbing his things from his locker.
Yuuji wanted to ask Megumi where he was going but he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to follow through with his brother’s reasonable request.
“Okay, well, see you later,” Yuuji said awkwardly. He turned and started to walk away.
“Where do you think you’re going, princess?” Megumi called after him. Yuuji turned back, but averted his gaze.
“Nowhere,” Yuuji answered. He felt guilty for lying and he knew that Megumi would sense it. Yuuji wasn’t exactly well-versed in lying and it came even less naturally when his boyfriend was involved. “I-I have a thing.” He attempted to salvage his excuse.
“A thing? Are you hiding another lover or something?” Megumi questioned. His expression was one of confusion, almost amused.
“What!? No! I just have… a thing,” Yuuji responded vaguely.
“What is it?” Megumi asked. When Yuuji stayed quiet, fidgeting in place, he sighed. “I know we haven’t been together for very long but I thought we trusted each other. I told you about Nanami, didn’t I?”
“I trust you! Just… you can’t make fun of me,” Yuuji said.
“Never,” Megumi vowed.
“Okay, come on. You won’t believe me if I don’t show you. We gotta go. We’re going to be late,” Yuuji told him. He grabbed Megumi’s hand and pulled him forward.
“Late for what?” Megumi asked, but Yuuji continued to lead them silently.
Megumi didn’t ask anything else as they made their way. When they stepped in front of the senior center Yuuji had frequented for years, Megumi raised a brow. Yuuji sighed and began to explain. He told Megumi about his grandpa; about the closeness of their relationship and his attempts to maintain that connection.
“And well… when he passed last year, it really helped me to continue to come here. They’re all basically like family to me,” Yuuji finished explaining.
“How is it possible for you to be so fucking cute?” Megumi replied.
“Are you teasing me?” Yuuji asked, frowning slightly.
“No, baby. I mean it. You’re fucking adorable. I can’t believe you take dance classes with a bunch of grandparents,” Megumi said sincerely.
“It’s fun and they’re all really kind. I don’t feel like a trophy here. No one cares if I’m not the best and I know I can never disappoint them. They just like to spend time with me,” Yuuji spoke with affectionate recollection.
Yuuji introduced Megumi to his dance family and they all showered them with compliments; calling them the cutest little couple and wishing them all of the happiness in the world. They told Megumi what a catch Yuuji was, much to Yuuji’s embarrassment, and invited Megumi to come back as often as he wished.
“You realize that you’re really good at this, right?” Megumi asked as Yuuji guided them effortlessly through the dance floor.
“Oh, I don’t think I am but I enjoy it. It’s relaxing,” Yuuji spoke with sincerity.
“I get that. You’re a natural, though. You move so gracefully. You could dance circles around anyone,” Megumi countered.
“I’d rather just dance circles with you,” Yuuji said with a boldness he hadn’t anticipated.
“I can live with that. I do hate sharing you,” Megumi responded.
“You do?” Yuuji questioned.
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m a selfish bastard, and half the school thinks they have some claim to you just because you’re the star athlete. It’s annoying,” Megumi divulged.
“I don’t belong to them though,” Yuuji said earnestly.
“I know. You’re mine,” Megumi replied, shrugging. “Does anybody else know about this?”
“Just you and Choso,” Yuuji answered.
“I like that. It makes me feel special,” Megumi confessed.
“You are. You’re very special to me,” Yuuji assured him.
After their magical afternoon of dancing, they went their separate ways. Yuuji wanted to ask Megumi where he was going but he could sense that his boyfriend would be uncomfortable if he did. Instead, he kissed Megumi and told him that he’d see him later.
Yuuji had a nice dinner with Choso. He told his brother about his outing spent at the center, though he omitted Megumi’s participation. Choso was in a great mood. Yuuji did his best not to be resentful. He knew that Choso was making an effort in accepting Megumi as part of both of their lives, but sometimes he made it far too clear how much he would prefer for Yuuji to be single again. The afternoon quickly gave way to night, and Yuuji began to grow uneasy. Megumi had been vague about how long his errand would take but the hours went by and Megumi didn’t respond to Yuuji’s messages. Yuuji fell asleep, though he had tried his best to wait for his boyfriend to come back to him.
Yuuji woke up frightened and disoriented when Megumi stumbled through his bedroom window.
“Hey! Sorry!” Megumi whispered loudly, index finger on his lips as he hushed himself.
“Huh?” Yuuji asked, struggling to rub the sleep from his eyes as he sat up. “Megumi? What’s happening?”
“Nothing, baby. Sorry I’m late,” Megumi told him with a wide grin.
“It’s okay,” Yuuji said, yawning. His eyes were still hooded but he smiled sleepily at his boyfriend. “Are you coming to bed?”
Megumi stepped into Yuuji’s space and kissed him. He tasted like cigarettes and alcohol. Yuuji winced at the flavors, but the surprise taste did well to wake him up completely. Megumi apologized when he noticed Yuuji’s reaction.
“Let me brush my teeth,” Megumi said.
Yuuji nodded, watching him as he finished up in the bathroom and stripped down to his underwear. He joined Yuuji in bed and kissed his neck lazily.
“Are you drunk?” Yuuji asked.
“Nah, I just had a couple of drinks with some people I know,” Megumi told him between kisses.
“We have school today,” Yuuji said, frowning despite himself.
“I know. I’m not drunk. I’ll be fine,” Megumi reassured him.
Yuuji hesitated. He didn’t want to make Megumi angry but he couldn’t ignore his concerns anymore.
“Megumi, can I… I was wondering… never mind,” Yuuji spoke nervously.
“What’s up, princess?” Megumi prompted.
“You don’t have to answer this but I just… we’ve been together for almost two months now. I know that you don’t owe me anything but I also hope you know that I would never judge you, if that’s maybe your worry… I was just curious… you… what is it? Your eyes, they change and sometimes it’s like you’re different. Not bad… but what is that?” Yuuji questioned. He hoped he wasn’t crossing a line that Megumi had set in stone.
“You want to know what I’m taking?” Megumi asked quietly.
“If you’re okay with telling me,” Yuuji answered. “I meant it when I said you don’t owe me anything.”
“Does it bother you, when I’m not sober?” Megumi’s tone was downcast.
“No… not really. You’re still you, and we’re still us. It just feels weird acting like I don’t notice it but if you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine too. I can wait as long as you need,” Yuuji assured.
“It’s just not that big of a deal. I’m not trying to hide anything. I enjoy a recreational high. It’s relaxing and that’s it,” Megumi said more at ease.
“Okay, are you careful?” Yuuji pressed.
“Everything I take is clean and pharmaceutical grade. I don’t dabble in street drugs, if that’s what you mean. I’m not stupid and I’m most definitely not an addict. I’m just having a little fun and enjoying my youth while I still can,” Megumi answered confidently, almost aggressively.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to upset you… I just want to know you better,” Yuuji spoke softly.
“Come here,” Megumi said. He pulled Yuuji to his chest. “Do you trust me?”
Yuuji nodded against Megumi’s hold. He knew that it wasn’t a lie. He just didn’t know if it wasn’t misplaced. He told himself that it couldn’t be.
“Then trust that I know my limits,” Megumi told him.
“Okay, but you’ll tell me any time that I can be helpful to you? I just don’t want you to think you have to hide from me,” Yuuji said.
“Baby, you’re the only person who I let see me completely,” Megumi spoke as though it were a vow.
“Really?” Yuuji asked. He tilted his head to look into Megumi’s face.
“I thought that was obvious,” Megumi answered with a chuckle.
“Okay… Megumi?” Yuuji started. “I… I love you,” he confessed.
“I love you too,” Megumi said, grabbing Yuuji’s face and kissing him with force, before pulling back and staring into his eyes. “So fucking much.”
They made love and it was hungry like never before. It was desperate; as if Megumi wanted to make sure that Yuuji was wholly his. It felt good, though a little terrifying as well. Megumi was tender but he also clung to Yuuji like an anchor. Something in Yuuji really loved it. He loved how important he was to Megumi; how clear Megumi made it that he needed him. Megumi came inside of him for the first time. They’d always used condoms in the past, but Megumi begged Yuuji to let him go without and Yuuji was powerless to resist. When he felt Megumi drip from him, Yuuji realized that he would always be chasing the sensation. He liked knowing irrefutably that he belonged to Megumi alone. No one else would ever be allowed to mark him from the inside out. Megumi had staked a permanent claim to him.
“You know, Suguru was my therapist when I was a kid. That’s how we met,” Megumi spoke suddenly while Yuuji rested with his head on his chest. Megumi had been rubbing soothing circles on his back and Yuuji had almost succumbed to sleep again.
“Really?” Yuuji asked. He wasn’t sure what prompted Megumi to open up but he would proudly accept anything that Megumi was willing to gift him.
“Yeah, when I was four or five, I was pulled from my biological father’s custody… he had every vice in the book and well, he’d disappear for days or weeks at a time… during one stint, a neighbor got all of the right people involved and I was placed in foster care. I was seeing a court-appointed therapist. I had gone completely non-verbal at the time but somehow, my dad still decided that he wanted to adopt me. I started working with his colleague instead, and my dads took me in. I don’t know why. I can’t imagine that a traumatized kid who wouldn’t even speak was all that easy to care for, but they fought for me. We moved next door to you not long after the adoption was finalized,” Megumi revealed. Yuuji hung on his every word.
“And you’ve been in love with me ever since?” Yuuji asked lightheartedly, attempting to ease Megumi’s pain.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Megumi admitted.
“I was joking!” Yuuji said. A giggle escaped him and he covered his mouth.
“I know but it’s also the truth,” Megumi spoke casually.
“Why didn’t you ever try anything?” Yuuji asked.
“You’re Itadori Yuuji. The half of our school that isn’t busy completely idolizing you, wants to date you. Everyone knows how many people you’ve rejected. I didn’t really think I stood a chance,” Megumi answered.
“You’re the only person who did,” Yuuji confessed. “Way before I could even know what it meant, I was always daydreaming about being with you. I still remember the first time that I saw you. You made my heart skip even then. You always seemed so mysterious and unreachable though.”
“You can always reach me. I’ll make sure the path is always cleared for you, and you alone. I promise,” Megumi said. Yuuji felt inexplicably breathless at his oath. He didn’t care what his brother or anyone else thought about it; their love was a fairy tale. It wasn’t perfect but no fairy tale ever was. Still, Megumi was his favorite person and Yuuji knew that he was equally important to his boyfriend. They would always have each other.
_____________
Megumi was happy. It was an unusually beautiful, warm day and he was spending it lying in the sun with his perfect, sweet boyfriend. It had been months since their late night conversation about his recreational activities. True to his word, Yuuji didn’t judge him or try to control his habits. He took care of Megumi the handful of times he’d overindulged and never held the incidents against him. Megumi didn’t feel weird getting high in front of Yuuji, and he’d long stopped hiding his stash from his boyfriend. At times, Megumi would feel guilty because Yuuji would be forced to lie for him, but Yuuji never complained. Megumi did his best to make up for his flaws and show Yuuji how grateful he was to have him in his life. He would set up surprise dates for them, and go through dry breaks so that Yuuji could see that he didn’t have a problem; because he really didn’t.
During one such break, they’d moved two of the loungers in Megumi’s backyard together. They were taking in the sunshine, hands held. Yuuji was humming softly and the sound was making Megumi’s mind feel light. His eyes were closed beneath his sunglasses. Yuuji brought him immeasurable peace. He could easily drift out of consciousness. Megumi was dressed in a loose white shirt and dark green swim shorts, while Yuuji had stripped to just a pair of lavender shorts. His toned abdomen and arms were bare, and absolutely mouthwatering. Megumi couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Yuuji was strong, yet absurdly delicate. He was a champion athlete, but he also liked to skip over dandelions because he thought they had the right to choose when they were ready to float apart. Yuuji was the most beautiful soul that would ever exist and for some reason, he loved a mangled mess like Megumi.
As he was considering asking Yuuji if they should head upstairs and take a midday nap, Megumi felt the sunlight blocked. He opened his eyes and was met by the face of his smiling father.
“What are you two up to?” Gojo asked cheerfully.
“Just enjoying the sun while we can,” Megumi answered.
“How nice! You two deserve some relaxation,” Gojo said. He grinned widely.
“Did you need something, dad?” Megumi questioned.
“Nope, just checking on my favorite boys. Yuuji, will you be staying for dinner?” Gojo turned his attention to Megumi’s boyfriend.
“Only if I’m not being an imposition,” Yuuji replied shyly.
“Of course you’re not! You’re always welcome here. My husband and I love having you around,” Gojo declared with his overbearing friendliness.
“Thank you,” Yuuji responded.
“Are you excited for your big track meet this week?” Gojo asked.
“I guess so. I’m excited to have Megumi there,” Yuuji answered, shrugging slightly.
“I bet! Are you doing anything to celebrate?” Gojo inquired.
“I haven’t actually won anything but I think my teammates have something planned,” Yuuji informed him.
“I bet you’ll kick some major butt!” Gojo exclaimed.
“Dad, leave Yuuji alone,” Megumi scolded. He knew his boyfriend was starting to feel uncomfortable, and he’d be damned if he let it continue. He would always step in and protect Yuuji’s peace.
After they’d shared a not entirely annoying dinner with his parents, Megumi and Yuuji moved to the living room to watch a movie. They made out with the television ignored in the background. It didn’t take much for them to make their way upstairs and end up in Megumi’s bed. They made love and it was life-affirming. The act was gentle and warm. It reinvigorated Megumi. Yuuji took him in so wholeheartedly. Megumi loved the hungry mewls he could pull from his boyfriend. He knew that he’d never get used to how openly Yuuji wanted him. It was the most addictive drug he had ever tasted. He couldn’t get enough of Yuuji’s love and desires.
“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Megumi said after he pulled out of Yuuji and landed beside him with a huff.
“Do you mean that?” Yuuji asked.
“Absolutely. There’s no comparison. You’re the sun. Everything else is just shadows,” Megumi declared.
“Megumi,” Yuuji spoke breathlessly. “That’s so sweet.”
“I love you so fucking much, baby,” Megumi said, turning to kiss Yuuji.
“I love you too,” Yuuji replied against Megumi’s lips.
“Will you marry me?” Megumi asked. He didn’t know where the question came from. He knew only that he’d just had the most perfect day of his life and he couldn’t wait to share the rest of them with Yuuji.
“Yes,” Yuuji answered without hesitating.
“Really?” Megumi said, bewildered and ecstatic.
“Yes, but obviously we have to wait. Choso would never sign off on an underage marriage. Besides, we should maybe go to university first and travel a bit,” Yuuji responded thoughtfully.
“We can go wherever you want. I’ll follow you anywhere,” Megumi swore.
“And then, when we’ve settled down and if you still think you can put up with me, we’ll get married and we’ll never be apart again. We’ll always have each other,” Yuuji spoke as though he were describing a beautiful dream. Megumi couldn’t wait to make it real.
“That’s a pretty big if,” Megumi teased. Yuuji scowled and it made Megumi laugh. “I’m joking, baby. You’re my favorite person. I’ll do whatever you want, whenever you want.”
He kissed Yuuji and it became heated. By the time they finished, they were both completely breathless and covered in sweat. Megumi could not be happier. As far as he was concerned, Yuuji would be his husband. Time was their only obstacle and they’d get past it together.
“So we’re engaged?” Megumi asked. They had cleaned up and were preparing to go to sleep.
“Engaged to be engaged. I still expect the full surprise proposal with the big romantic speech, and flowers. Lots and lots of flowers,” Yuuji replied. He looked lost in thought, as if he were imagining the whole thing.
“Of course, baby. Anything for you,” Megumi said, and he meant it.
The morning before Yuuji’s track meet, Megumi woke up feeling drained. Between extra practice sessions and his schoolwork, Yuuji had been unreasonably busy. Megumi tried not to feel upset but he missed his boyfriend. They would still make the trip to school together each morning and share Yuuji’s bed every night, though Yuuji was too exhausted to do anything other than let Megumi hold him. Apart from those far too short moments, Yuuji was always preoccupied. Megumi couldn’t wait to have Yuuji back entirely to himself but until then, he figured he would just have to keep himself distracted.
He’d been good, so he decided to treat himself. He took a couple tramadol and some Oxy halfway through the day. The week was essentially over and he could afford to spend the rest of his classes in a pleasant haze. Megumi was walking Yuuji to his final class of the day when a wave of nausea hit him. Yuuji was happily recounting a story about one of his classmates for him. Megumi tried his best to focus but he felt his head spin. Their linked hands were the only thing keeping him upright.
“Baby. Wait a minute,” Megumi interrupted. He slowed his gait and let go of Yuuji’s hand.
“Are you alright?” Yuuji asked. Concern warped his face in an instant.
Megumi didn’t respond. He gagged and a moment later, he heaved forward and threw up. His vomit splashed the heels of the person walking in front of them, making them jump with a start.
“What the shit!” The person shouted as they turned around. When their eyes landed on Megumi and Yuuji, their anger melted away immediately. “Oh, hey! Fushiguro!”
“Uh, sorry…” Megumi said, wiping at the corner of his mouth. “Do I know you?”
“No, but everyone knows about Itadori’s boyfriend. Hey, Yuuji!” They answered cheerfully. It thoroughly confused Megumi.
“Hello. Tamaki, right? We’re really sorry about this,” Yuuji said. He glanced at Megumi with an anxious expression.
“Oh, don’t even worry about it! I hate these shoes anyway! How are you two lovebirds doing? Is Fushiguro keeping our track star happy? Ready for the big meet this week?” Tamaki continued to speak animatedly.
“Umm, yes?” Yuuji answered.
“That’s great! We’re really counting on you. Both of you… Fushiguro, keep our boy here floating on air and I’m sure he’ll lead us to victory,” Tamaki said. He was completely oblivious to Yuuji’s discomfort.
“We should go. Are you sure you’re okay?” Yuuji asked Tamaki before offering Megumi his hand again.
“Yeah! No worries. Feel better, Fushiguro!” Tamaki asserted, waving them off.
“Sometimes I forget just how popular you are, princess,” Megumi said when they were out of earshot.
“I’m not that popular,” Yuuji contended.
“I just threw up on someone and they basically thanked me. It’s okay, princess. You can be popular. You’re still all mine,” Megumi declared, winking at him. Yuuji blushed, but then he stopped walking.
“Umm… Megumi? Are you actually alright?” Yuuji asked.
“Yeah, I just underestimated the potency and you know, it’s been a couple of weeks. That helped a lot, though. I’m good now,” Megumi replied.
“You promise?” Yuuji pressed, clearly still anxious.
Megumi squeezed Yuuji’s hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it. “Yeah, baby. I feel really good,” Megumi said. He felt so euphoric, it was almost sexual.
“Okay, maybe we should go home,” Yuuji offered.
“Don’t you have practice today?” Megumi inquired.
“They’ll be fine without me. I’ll tell them I’m starting to feel sick and want to rest before tomorrow’s competition. Choso works late too, so he won’t know and we can just relax,” Yuuji informed him.
“I really don’t want to be any trouble for you,” Megumi said.
“You’re not. You’re my boyfriend and I want to take care of you, so let me,” Yuuji spoke as stern as Megumi had ever experienced, crossing his arms. It was adorable.
“I’m fine, really,” Megumi reassured, laughing lightly at Yuuji’s assertive glare. His head was spinning and his face felt numb, but he was better than good.
“Okay, well I’m going home. You can stay here if you want but that’s what I want to do,” Yuuji said with a shrug.
“You’re such a brat,” Megumi replied, laughing more deeply.
Yuuji ignored him and stuck his hand out expectantly for Megumi to take.
By the time they made it home, Megumi was completely gone. He couldn’t say how they got there, but he was happy to be with Yuuji. His boyfriend helped him undress and coerced him into bed. The last memory he had of the day was Yuuji helping him light his cigarette after Megumi lost sensation in his fingers. Megumi could remember just how beautiful his boyfriend was up close, and nothing else.
When he woke up, he was alone in Yuuji’s bed. There was a bottled water on the nightstand and he had a handful of messages on his phone. He opened the messages from his boyfriend first.
‘Hey, had to join the rest of the track team. I told Choso that you wanted to sleep in but if you’re up in time, he said he’d give you a ride. If I don’t catch you before it starts, see you after for the team dinner? Please try to eat something and drink plenty of water!’
‘I love you, Gumi 🩷’
Megumi typed a quick response.
‘Hey, baby. Sorry about last night. See you soon. I love you 💙’
He opened the message from Gojo next.
‘Goodnight, baby boy. Wish Yuuji luck for us!’
Megumi noticed the message directly above, where he’d told his dad that he was spending the night with Yuuji and showing him support the next day. As always, Megumi felt awful for making a liar of his boyfriend but he was grateful that Yuuji had thought ahead to keep Megumi’s parents from growing suspicious of his slip-up.
Megumi looked at the time. He wanted to get Yuuji flowers; not only to apologize but to celebrate what would surely be another milestone in Yuuji’s athletic accomplishments. Besides, he had yet to go a week without surprising Yuuji with a new bouquet. His boyfriend had started a collection of dried flowers, picking his favorite from each bouquet, and Megumi had no intention of disrupting the tradition. He stood and walked to Yuuji’s closet. They’d each essentially split their wardrobes. Half of his clothing was in Yuuji’s closet, just as half of Yuuji’s wardrobe was in his. It was easier than having to run between houses in order to change. He showered and dressed. He wondered if Choso was still around. He didn’t necessarily want to see Yuuji’s overprotective brother. They weren’t exactly on the friendliest terms. They got along just enough to keep Yuuji happy. He hoped that Choso had left already. He had no doubt that Yuuji’s brother would have no issue with dropping by a florist, but Megumi would have a far more difficult time skirting around the reasoning behind his additional stop. Luckily, by the time Megumi was set to go, Choso was nowhere to be found. Megumi’s phone rang and he half expected it to be the aggravated man telling him he was waiting outside. Instead, he was greeted by the other person in Yuuji’s life who could hardly put up with Megumi.
“Hey, asshole, are you up yet?” Junpei scolded him as friendly as ever.
“Yeah, I was about to leave,” Megumi responded.
“You better not be fucking late,” Junpei warned. Megumi would have been irritated by his tone but he appreciated that Yuuji had so many people who cared deeply for him.
“I won’t be. I’m just going to pick up some flowers for him,” Megumi said.
“Alright, he keeps looking for you in the stands. Hurry the fuck up,” Junpei told him before hanging up without further pretense. Junpei had never warmed up to him but Megumi understood the reason perfectly well. Yuuji’s best friend knew better than anyone else whenever Megumi fucked up. Yuuji would never say anything, of course, but Junpei wasn’t stupid and he went to school with them. He always heard about the public fuck-ups through the grapevine and those were plenty to make him dislike Megumi, if not genuinely loathe him. It was almost comical how everyone who loved Yuuji, hated Megumi. As he locked the door behind him, Megumi considered how he was among the group.
_____________
Yuuji was anxious. Everyone was excited and busy enjoying their celebratory dinner, but Yuuji just kept staring at his phone and chewing his nails. He was waiting to hear anything from Megumi. He hadn’t heard from him since his text message earlier in the day. Junpei told him that they’d spoken briefly, but Megumi had never shown up to the track meet. His absence had left Yuuji heartbroken but now he was just worried. He didn’t care that Megumi missed the competition. He didn’t even really care if Megumi didn’t attend his victory dinner. Above anything else, Yuuji just really needed to know that Megumi was okay.
“Please stop focusing on him and enjoy your triumph. You set a new record. This day was never about him to begin with,” Choso said, lifting Yuuji’s face from his phone.
“I know but he said he’d be here,” Yuuji replied. “He promised me.” Yuuji heard the way his voice cracked with his words, so he pulled his face away. He wasn’t going to cry in front of his brother. He wouldn’t give Choso yet another thing to hold against Megumi.
“I’m sorry, baby brother, but you can’t live your life on his word. I warned you,” Choso said quietly.
“He’ll be here,” Yuuji contended with unwavering confidence. He knew it was a lie but he hoped he could will it into reality.
By the time Junpei and he arrived to the team after party, Yuuji felt as though he could tear his skin off from anxiety and irritation. Megumi was still missing, and Yuuji couldn’t handle anymore congratulations while he was so on edge. Thankfully he had Junpei by his side. His friend was great at sidelining their classmates. Junpei could seem so off-putting with a simple facial expression that people would walk away from them after just a quick greeting to Yuuji.
“DO YOU WANT TO CHECK UPSTAIRS, AND I’LL DO DOWNSTAIRS AND OUT?” Junpei shouted as they pushed through the rowdy party attendees.
“OKAY, THANK YOU,” Yuuji replied, even more grateful to have such a wonderful best friend.
“CALL ME IF YOU FIND HIM FIRST,” Junpei instructed. He offered Yuuji a supportive smile and Yuuji did his best to reciprocate it.
Yuuji had only been able to push his way through a few of the rooms upstairs before he felt the tug on his wrist.
“YUUJI! FOUND HIM! POOL HOUSE,” Junpei told him as he pulled Yuuji through the crowd. When they made it outside, Junpei was able to lower his voice somewhat. “He’s out of it but he always listens to you, so hopefully you’ll have better luck.”
When Yuuji spotted him, Megumi was nodding off on one of the sofas. Yuuji recognized some of the same faces as he’d seen that first night when he’d finally spoken up to Megumi. He ignored their stares and sat beside Megumi, placing a hand on his jaw.
“Don’t touch me,” Megumi said, scowling but not opening his eyes. “I have a boyfriend.”
“Gumi?” Yuuji prompted softly, and Megumi moaned.
“Baby,” he groaned as he opened his eyes and pressed his face firmly in Yuuji’s palm.
“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” Yuuji told him sweetly with a smile.
“I missed you,” Megumi said. He rubbed his cheek against Yuuji’s touch and moaned again.
“What did you take?” Yuuji asked his boyfriend as calmly as he could manage. When Megumi didn’t respond, Yuuji glared at the person sat on the sofa next to them and demanded an answer from them. “What did you give him?”
“I didn’t give him anything. He was already rolling when he got here. He offered,” they said with indifference and it angered Yuuji.
“Gumi, what are you on? I need you to tell me, okay?” Yuuji asked his boyfriend again.
“‘Mfine,” Megumi said. “Wanna dance?” He attempted to stand but stumbled. Yuuji caught him and held him up.
“Let’s go home,” Yuuji sighed.
With Junpei’s help, he managed to get Megumi out of the pool house without issue. Unfortunately, walking through the main party wasn’t as simple. Junpei went ahead of them so that he could pick up his car where he’d parked it a few blocks away. Yuuji was left alone to struggle with convincing his boyfriend to go home. Megumi kept trying to get Yuuji to dance with him. It was nearly impossible to pull him through the tight crowd when Megumi wouldn’t stop grinding against him.
“ONE DANCE,” Yuuji shouted, surrendering. Megumi wordlessly pulled him flush to his front. They swayed together in their own little world for a few minutes. Megumi sucked on his neck, telling Yuuji how good he felt between moans. Megumi was hard against his back and Yuuji felt entirely out of his depth.
By the time they made it to Junpei’s car, Yuuji realized his mistake. In the back seat, Megumi continued to suck on his neck. He rubbed Yuuji’s thigh, and attempted to get Yuuji to touch his hard-on. Yuuji tried to distract him by holding his hand but Megumi kept pressing to his side and breathing him in.
“I wanna fuck you,” Megumi told him before licking his jaw.
“No,” Yuuji said.
“You don’t want me?” Megumi asked. He frowned and in spite of everything, Yuuji felt guilty.
“That’s not… Junpei is right there. Please behave until we get home,” Yuuji explained as quietly as he could. He was embarrassed. He knew his best friend could tell what was happening.
“You make me s’hard,” Megumi groaned as he bit at Yuuji’s earlobe.
“Please stop,” Yuuji said. He knew he must be beet red.
“Touch me, baby. I feel amazing when you touch me,” Megumi pleaded as he placed Yuuji’s palm on his bulge. “Please,” Megumi begged as he thrust into Yuuji’s hand.
“I will but you have to be a good boy for me first,” Yuuji said, pulling his hand away. His eyes met Junpei’s concerned stare in the rear view mirror, and Yuuji mouthed an apology. His friend shook his head almost imperceptibly but offered Yuuji a reassuring, awkward smile.
Getting Megumi to his room without Choso hearing them was a challenge. Yuuji was strong but Megumi was taller, and it was hard to maneuver him up the steps. His limbs were too loose and he kept nearly pulling them both down. Yuuji was exhausted by the time they made it through his door. Megumi sat on his bedroom floor with a huff. Yuuji locked the door and walked over to his bathroom. He filled a cup with water and knelt down in front of Megumi.
“Can you drink this for me, Gumi?” Yuuji asked. Megumi nodded and Yuuji slowly fed the liquid to him.
“You’re s’sweet,” Megumi said with a dazed smile. Yuuji could tell that Megumi was grinding his teeth and he wondered how he could help him. He didn’t want his jaw to hurt in the morning. Megumi grabbed his wrist and placed Yuuji’s hand on his face. “Touch me,” Megumi told him. He moaned at the slightest graze of Yuuji’s fingers.
“Do you want to come to bed with me?” Yuuji offered.
Megumi kissed Yuuji’s neck tenderly before pulling the skin there between his teeth. Yuuji hissed at the sting.
“Come on, let’s get you out of these clothes,” Yuuji prompted, attempting to pull Megumi up as he stood.
“Hmkay,” Megumi grunted.
Undressing was an easier task than Yuuji anticipated. Once the idea of being naked with Yuuji was in his head, Megumi all but tore his clothes off before working on stripping Yuuji completely bare. He rubbed his face over Yuuji’s body, moaning loudly against his skin.
“Feels ss’goood,” Megumi said. He herded them toward Yuuji’s bed. When the back of his legs hit his mattress, Yuuji crawled backwards onto his bedding.
Yuuji was tired. It had been a much too long day. He was glad to have Megumi by his side but he just wanted to get some sleep. Megumi, on the other hand, was eager to get off. He caged Yuuji in and covered him in love bites. He straddled Yuuji’s core and moved his hips to grind against him. He picked up Yuuji’s hands and made him touch his abdomen. Yuuji moved his fingers with a light touch. From the panting and moaning, he got the sense that Megumi was already close. Yuuji could feel as Megumi’s core tightened beneath his touch. Megumi groaned a loud, garbled sound and a moment later, he came across Yuuji’s chest. He dropped onto him limply and continued to rub his face on Yuuji’s skin.
“I love you, baby,” Megumi all but whined. “Love you. Love you,” he repeated more quietly until he passed out.
Yuuji was glad the Megumi would get some sleep. He cleaned up the evidence of his boyfriend’s orgasm, and maneuvered them so that he could watch Megumi as comfortably as possible. Yuuji listened to Megumi breathe. It was labored, and it frightened him like nothing else could. It wasn’t the first time that Yuuji feared for Megumi’s life. Yuuji had spent a few sleepless nights watching over Megumi. He never told his boyfriend, but he’d done it enough that it had almost become a ritual. He knew he wouldn’t be sleeping at all, even with his body screaming for him to rest. The exhaustion overwhelmed him and he began to cry softly. He felt guilty. He hoped that he wouldn’t wake Megumi.
By the time that Megumi’s breathing had stabilized, and Yuuji didn’t feel the constant need to check his pulse, the sun was in full bloom. Yuuji stood and numbly shut his curtains. He felt like a zombie. His body was so heavy and his mind was fuzzy, he could hardly think. He wondered if being drunk was a similar experience. He was certain that he had no desire to ever confirm the theory. He climbed back into bed, careful not to disturb Megumi, and finally shut his eyes.
When he opened them next, he was alone in bed. He sat up in a panic but then he noticed the sound of his shower running. He laid back down and shut his eyes. His heart was pounding and adrenaline had shot through him so quickly that he understood he’d have difficulty going back to sleep. He listened as Megumi finished up in the bathroom, focusing on the sound of his steps as he moved softly through the room. He could hear when Megumi propped a window open, and then the faint whiff of his cigarette moved through the space. Yuuji knew that it was strange but he loved the smell of Megumi’s clove cigarettes. He was far from a fan of the habit, but the scent meant that Megumi was near him and that was enough for him to crave it. His anxiety was eased and his mind began to cloud again. He felt the bed dip and the warmth of Megumi wrapping himself around him. Yuuji hummed when Megumi kissed his nape and shoulder.
“Are you mad at me?” Megumi asked in a whisper.
“No, why?” Yuuji answered. He took the hand that Megumi had wrapped around him and started to rub his thumb against it.
“You were acting like you were asleep,” Megumi said.
“I’m just tired,” Yuuji responded, and he meant it. He wished the day had gone differently but he didn’t blame Megumi for anything. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be capable of it. He knew that Megumi had things he was working through, and sometimes they would overflow and threaten to drown him. Yuuji couldn’t blame him when it was so clear that Megumi was doing his best to survive. He just hoped that, with time, their tough days would be few and far between. Until then, Yuuji accepted that people would only ever notice the bad points, so he did his best to ignore them for Megumi’s sake. They were building a life around each other, together. No one would ever understand how beautiful that was, not when they could only ever see the warped reflection of it from the outside.
“I’m sorry,” Megumi told him, kissing his shoulder again.
“I know. Will you tell me what you were on last night?” Yuuji asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Megumi tried to deflect. They both knew that, ultimately, he would always tell Yuuji anything that he wanted to know. Yuuji never asked for more than he knew Megumi capable of giving; because of this, Megumi was most open and honest with him.
“It does to me. I like to know what I could have done differently,” Yuuji countered.
“You took care of me. You were wonderful, like always. I’m really sorry,” Megumi said.
“If you mean it, tell me what you took,” Yuuji replied.
“It’s going to sound worse than it was but I promise I knew that I could handle it… It was ecstasy laced with morphine… and we did some coke too,” Megumi admitted.
“Was that everything?” Yuuji inquired calmly.
“Uh,” Megumi moved to look up at the ceiling and Yuuji shifted in bed to face him. “I did lines of morphine to balance out the coke.”
“And you were drinking?” Yuuji asked.
“Earlier in the day. Not really at the party, I think,” Megumi responded as honestly as he would be able to.
“Megumi, you really scared me,” Yuuji confessed. He wasn’t attempting to guilt his boyfriend but he needed Megumi to know how he felt.
“I know baby. It won’t happen again. I promise, and I’m really sorry… not just about that… I missed your big day,” Megumi offered remorsefully.
“That’s not important,” Yuuji said and again, it was the truth. Yes, he would have loved to have Megumi there to support his accomplishments but he would much rather Megumi be safe.
“Of course it is. You worked so hard and I was supposed to be there. I should have been there, I wanted to be,” Megumi argued, he looked at Yuuji for a split second before turning his gaze to the ceiling again. Yuuji knew him well enough to understand that Megumi was internalizing his hatred for himself.
“It’s fine but you might want to give Choso some space. I think he took it more personally than I did,” Yuuji said, partially joking and attempting to distract Megumi.
“Fuck, he already hates me,” Megumi responded. He frowned and Yuuji considered how stunning his boyfriend always was.
“He doesn’t hate you,” Yuuji contended, rolling his eyes dramatically. He knew Megumi could never resist smiling whenever Yuuji behaved the slightest bit bratty. Megumi raised a brow and Yuuji burst out laughing at his incredulous expression.
“Oh, you think that’s funny?” Megumi asked, giving Yuuji a stern look that only served to make Yuuji laugh harder. Megumi took the opportunity to attack him, tickling his sides and making him gasp with the strength of his laughter. They spent the rest of the day in bed. They slept and kissed and laughed. They ordered in and watched a movie, pressed firmly into each other’s side. It was perfect and Yuuji wished they could be like that forever.
_____________
Choso was frigidly polite to Megumi for the next week. It was almost as if he wanted to fight Megumi but instead, he chose to be robotic in all of their interactions. He would greet Megumi or wish him well, but it was always with a murderous glare paired with an unnatural smile. It was uncomfortable but at least, he’d refrained from outright banning Megumi from their home. Yuuji knew that Megumi would have never adhered to the rule but he didn’t want the heightened tension between the most important people in his life.
“I kind of wish he’d just punch me already,” Megumi told Yuuji while they enjoyed a lazy afternoon in. Choso had come home and he’d greeted them each in his usual fashion. Yuuji, as though he’d never done a single wrong thing in his life and Megumi, like he was a splinter in his finger that he just couldn’t remove. Yuuji hoped that his brother and boyfriend would find some common ground eventually.
“He would never do that,” Yuuji said calmly as Megumi continued to run his fingers through his hair. Yuuji was on the verge of falling asleep, his head resting in Megumi’s lap.
“Yeah, I guess,” Megumi conceded before changing the subject. “Sooo, what are we doing for your birthday?” Yuuji hadn’t been remotely receptive to the topic. He knew that Megumi was using his peaceful, half-unconscious mind against him.
“I told you already. I don’t really like celebrating it. We don’t have to do anything,” Yuuji answered. He didn’t bother to look at his boyfriend. The conversation was over as far as he was concerned, and now he could nap.
“Of course we do. It’s a very important day,” Megumi argued. He kept massaging his fingers through Yuuji’s scalp. It felt as though he was attempting to keep Yuuji docile and content.
“It’s really fine if we don’t,” Yuuji said, yawning.
“Yuuji,” Megumi spoke in a serious tone. He moved his hand away. Yuuji turned his head and looked up. “We’re not debating this. I want to celebrate the birth of my absolute favorite person ever and that’s that.”
“Okay but don’t get me anything, and I want to keep it simple,” Yuuji succumbed to his boyfriend’s will.
“Dinner and a movie?” Megumi offered.
“That’s perfect but I don’t want to go anywhere. I’ll cook here,” Yuuji said.
“You can’t cook your own birthday dinner,” Megumi argued.
“It’s my birthday. I can do whatever I want,” Yuuji contended, pouting. He crossed his arms and turned onto his side, facing the television again.
Megumi chuckled at Yuuji’s petulant display. “Okay, baby. You cook and I’ll get the cake,” he agreed.
“There’s gonna be cake?” Yuuji asked childishly as he turned back around.
“Obviously. The perfect cake for the most beautiful birthday boy,” Megumi replied. He started to run his fingers through Yuuji’s hair again and Yuuji beamed with anticipation.
On his birthday, Yuuji woke up more exhilarated than he had since before they’d lost their parents and birthdays had become nothing more than reminders of everyone who was no longer there. He jumped out of bed full of excitement. He hadn’t told anyone but he’d even bought a new outfit just for the occasion. He really hoped that Megumi would like it.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? It’s your birthday. I don’t want you to be alone,” Choso offered.
“I won’t be. Megumi is on his way,” Yuuji said firmly.
“You’re sure?” Choso questioned. His expression told Yuuji that his brother had no faith in Megumi. Yuuji couldn’t blame him, but he wouldn’t be another person in Megumi’s life who didn’t believe in him.
“Yes, he wouldn’t miss my birthday. Not after… it was his idea, remember?” Yuuji tried not to let his confidence waver.
“Do you want me to wait with you at least?” Choso asked.
“Chosooo, you promised. It’s my birthday and all I asked for was to spend it with my boyfriend,” Yuuji responded.
“I know, I know. I’m leaving, but I’ll have my phone on so call if you need anything. Okay?” Choso said.
“We’ll be fine,” Yuuji insisted. He didn’t want to admit that he was slightly worried that Megumi hadn’t been responding to his messages. He did his best to stay optimistic. Megumi loved him. He wouldn’t miss their date.
When he finished cooking, Yuuji got dressed and set the table. He lit a candle between the two place settings and sat. All in all, he waited for two hours; resting his head on the table and staring daggers at his phone, willing it to ring just once. Yuuji cleaned the kitchen, having never actually eaten. He wasn’t hungry. He was too anxious to stomach any food. He stored a serving for Megumi. He knew that it would probably go to waste but he couldn’t bring himself to toss it. He was worried that Megumi hadn’t eaten all day. At the very least, he hoped that his boyfriend was safe.
Yuuji sat on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest. He turned the television on and pressed play to the movie he had chosen for that night. He stared at the screen and soon, the images became a blur. His eyes filled with tears and he could only distinguish between colors. The pained sounds of his sobs were muted somewhat by the noise that came from the television; for that, he was grateful. He hated how small and unimportant he felt but beyond that, he was scared. He considered how normal the emotion had become with its ceaseless participation in his daily life. Being worried and frightened for Megumi was like taking his next breath, inevitable. He really hoped that Megumi was okay. He hated not knowing where his boyfriend had gone all day or where he’d ended up. He was really so very scared. He felt pathetic.
He cried through nearly the entire movie. By the time it ended, his face felt stiff with his dried tears. He turned the screen off and numbly made his way to bed. He washed up and changed out of his birthday outfit, tossing it in a dark corner of his closet. He hated it for the slight of reminding him how stupid he had been to be excited for the day. He climbed beneath his covers and let the exhaustion of his worn mind pull him into a fitful sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he slept before he heard tapping on his window. At first, he pulled his covers over his head and tried to ignore the sound. He was agitated by the disturbance. He just wanted to sleep and forget. He didn’t think that he was asking for the world. The tapping became slightly more insistent and Yuuji sat up with a start, realization dawning on him. He jumped from his bed and ran to the window. He opened the curtains and pushed his window open.
“Baby! You locked the window,” Megumi said with a performative pout.
“Are you okay?” Yuuji asked, eyes darting over Megumi’s body as he clumsily climbed into his bedroom.
“I’m great now that I’m with you,” Megumi declared.
In the low light of the moon, Yuuji could tell that Megumi’s eyes were too green. His pupils were pinpricked, allowing for an unnatural amount of color to show.
“How high are you? How worried should I be?” Yuuji questioned, anxiety twisting his empty stomach.
“I’m not high,” Megumi answered. He sounded almost offended by the accusation, and it was too much for Yuuji. He started to cry again. He wasn’t sure if the cause was sadness, exhaustion, or fear. He recognized that it was likely a mixture of the three. Megumi pulled him against his chest and held him as the sobs wracked through his body.
“Baby, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I’m not… that high. I promise. Please don’t worry,” Megumi pleaded with him.
“Whe-ere were y-you?” Yuuji asked between broken cries.
“I lost track of time. I’m so sorry, baby. Please stop crying. I’m so sorry,” Megumi begged.
Yuuji pushed against Megumi’s chest, breaking his hold. He wiped at his eyes and cleaned his nose on the sleeve of his pajama top. He was relieved but he was also upset. He wanted to be alone and he didn’t want to ever lose sight of Megumi. It was a frustrating paradox.
“I’m glad you’re okay but I’m going back to bed,” Yuuji said quietly.
“Are you mad at me?” Megumi asked.
Yuuji suspected it wouldn’t be the last time. He shook his head weakly.
“I’m just tired. It was a long day,” he replied.
Yuuji could feel Megumi watching him as he climbed under his covers again. He closed his eyes and willed his tears to stay away. Now that he knew Megumi wasn’t hurt, he just wanted to sleep. He heard rustling and a moment later, Megumi curled around him.
“Aren’t you going to let me wish you a happy birthday?” Megumi whispered.
“I think that was yesterday,” Yuuji informed him.
“I’m really sorry, baby. Please forgive me. We can do anything you want today,” Megumi promised.
“Can we start by getting some sleep?” Yuuji asked.
“Yes, but let me give you your birthday present first,” Megumi said.
Yuuji turned around and sighed, exasperated but not surprised that Megumi hadn’t listened to him. Megumi never listened to him.
“I told you that I didn’t want anything. I just wanted to spend time with you,” Yuuji tried to speak without chastising his boyfriend.
“I know, I know… I couldn’t help myself,” Megumi responded. He handed Yuuji a small black box and Yuuji opened it. Inside, there was a silver necklace with one perfect pink stone pendant hanging from it.
“It’s… it’s really pretty. Thank you,” Yuuji said, looking between the necklace and his boyfriend.
“It’s not as pretty as you, but you’re welcome. Do you want to put it on?” Megumi asked.
Yuuji nodded his head slowly and Megumi smiled at him. He lifted the necklace from the box and gestured for Yuuji to sit up. Yuuji sat, unable to stop the bashful smile that rose on his lips while Megumi placed the gift around his neck. When he finished clasping it, Megumi kissed Yuuji’s nose.
“Happy birthday, Yuuji,” Megumi said.
“Thank you,” Yuuji spoke as his heart skipped.
Megumi kissed his lips, then his jaw and finally, his neck. He sucked at the skin right above Yuuji’s collarbone, slipping his hands beneath Yuuji’s shirt.
“I want you so bad, baby,” Megumi groaned against his skin.
“I don’t know-” Yuuji hesitated.
“Please? I need you,” Megumi begged, sucking on his earlobe.
“Uhmmkay,” Yuuji agreed. It was so easy to let himself cave to Megumi’s whims. Somewhere in his mind, Yuuji understood it wasn’t healthy but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He loved being wanted by Megumi. It was his only true vice.
“Condoms… in there,” Yuuji panted as Megumi overpowered his senses. He pointed to his nightstand.
“No, baby. I wanna come so fucking deep in you,” Megumi said breathlessly.
Yuuji squirmed beneath him, mewling and moaning.
“You want that too, don’t you? You want to feel me dripping from that perfect tight hole. You want a reminder of who you belong to,” Megumi spoke in a heady tone.
“Y-yes, Megumi,” Yuuji answered.
“Say it,” Megumi demanded.
“Come in me. Mark me,” Yuuji pleaded.
When they finished, it was with a symphony of moans and passion-fueled promises. Yuuji did his best not to get lost in the aftermath of their lovemaking but it was so easy to let himself be consumed by the euphoria of Megumi’s worshiping touch. He loved Megumi so much; he understood that it was blinding him. He just couldn’t help but hope that if he was loving and supportive - if he gave enough of himself over - then Megumi would eventually heal. Yuuji was hopeful he could mend the injury that kept Megumi in such agony he had to numb himself. As Megumi pulled him flush against his chest and whispered another intoxicating vow of devotion, Yuuji chose to ignore the voice in his subconscious that warned him about the dangers of idealistic youth. Megumi and him would have a lifetime to share. He refused to doubt in their ability to survive anything together.
_____________
After Yuuji’s birthday, Megumi tried to ease up on his drug use. He felt like shit. He was fucking up too much and he didn’t want Yuuji to grow tired of it, to grow tired of him. He took just enough to function and to keep up with his schoolwork. He figured once summer vacation started, he’d be able to have a bit more fun. His only responsibility would be keeping Yuuji happy. He wanted them to have a beautiful summer together, filled with new memories that could push out the mistakes he’d made along the way.
The morning that classes ended, Megumi surprised Yuuji with his weekly bouquet of flowers, and instructions for him to set the weekend aside for just the two of them. On Saturday, he took Yuuji to a double-feature. The theater was nearly empty. It felt as though they were in their own private little world. They curled into each other. Yuuji ate his snacks happily. At one point, he startled Megumi with a quick peck on the cheek. He smiled and giggled proudly to himself. Megumi kissed his lips, distracting him, before snatching the bag of gummies Yuuji had in one hand.
“Hey! Those are mine,” Yuuji muttered with feigned anger.
“Mine now,” Megumi shrugged and turned his attention back to the screen.
He could feel Yuuji glaring and pouting in his direction. Without looking away from the movie, Megumi pointed to his cheek. Yuuji kissed it again and Megumi turned to smile at him.
“Thank you very much,” Megumi said quietly as he handed Yuuji his candy.
They had dinner at Yuuji’s favorite sushi restaurant. They shared food and idle chatter. They made plans to visit the center, and they were happy. It was as though no one had ever experienced happiness in the way that they did. It came into existence just for them. It was a shade of color that no one else could ever replicate. When they went home, they made love. It was slow and deliberate. Their bodies were the evidence of the commitment they shared for each other. The act was a manifestation of every other aspect in which they would always be one.
Sunday morning, Megumi told Yuuji to get dressed and meet him outside. Yuuji tried to ask questions, but Megumi just laughed them off and told him to be patient. When Yuuji walked out of his house, he tilted his head and frowned.
“Megumi, what is that?” Yuuji asked.
Megumi chuckled. “It’s my bike. I told you about it,” he answered with a wide grin.
“Yeah but you also told me that you hate driving it. Are we taking it out?” Yuuji questioned. The confused expression on his face was entirely too adorable, and Megumi would have been perfectly happy to go back inside and spend the day in bed with him.
“It’s a nice day and I thought you might enjoy it,” Megumi answered.
“Really?!” Yuuji exclaimed with a little hop.
“Yeah, here,” Megumi said, offering Yuuji the helmet he had designed for him. It was sleek and black, like his own, but it had a tiger engraved in pink on the back.
“This is for me?” Yuuji asked, stunned.
“Do you like it?” Megumi replied.
Yuuji nodded. “Thank you,” he said softly.
“You’re welcome, baby,” Megumi responded. “Put it on. Let’s get going.”
Yuuji secured his helmet and Megumi held out his hand to help him onto the motorcycle. Yuuji climbed on behind Megumi, wrapping his arms tightly around Megumi’s waist.
“Ready?” Megumi asked.
“I think so,” Yuuji answered.
“Don’t let go,” Megumi instructed as he turned his bike back on. It roared to life, and they were off. Yuuji tightened his grip at the start of their trip but loosened it as Megumi weaved expertly between traffic. His motorcycle was a gift for his sixteenth birthday. Weekend drives with his dad were one of the ways in which Gojo bonded with him. After Gojo had taken over the neurosurgery department at his hospital and become too busy, Megumi had behaved as if he had lost interest. Despite how infrequent their excursions had become, Megumi was still a fantastic driver.
Megumi parked and turned the bike off. Yuuji hopped off and nearly squealed.
“That’s the ocean!” Yuuji shouted. His voice was muffled by his helmet but his excitement was evident. He jumped up and down happily. Megumi chuckled and took off his helmet, before helping Yuuji with his.
“I thought you might like this too,” Megumi divulged.
“I haven’t been to the beach in sooo long,” Yuuji said.
“I brought snacks. I figured we could just sit by the water and have a slow day,” Megumi informed him.
“That’s perfect!” Yuuji responded happily.
Megumi pulled out the pack from his seat console. He slung it across his chest and picked up the folded blanket. He offered Yuuji his hand and his boyfriend took it with a brilliant smile. They walked down to the beach, hand-in-hand. Megumi laid the blanket down and they sat. They watched the waves; Yuuji’s head rested on his shoulder and Megumi was so genuinely happy like only Yuuji could make him.
“I wish we could stay here forever. Just the two of us,” Yuuji said.
“Is that what you want? A house by the sea? We can do that,” Megumi replied.
“Really?” Yuuji asked.
“Yeah. I’ll get us one and we can hide away together. We’ll wake up and watch the sun as it rises over the water, and the waves will become the soundtrack to our life. When we make love, the sea breeze will keep our bodies cool, and my love for you will always be as deep as the ocean and as abundant as the grains of sand on the beach,” Megumi spoke sincerely.
“Megumi,” Yuuji said, his eyes wide and his face rosy. “You’re always so romantic. It takes my breath away. I’ll never be as good with words, but I hope you can see how much I love you with my actions.” They kissed gently and Megumi wished he could freeze the moment in time.
As the summer progressed, Megumi fell into his habits as though they were a career. He would disappear into his highs, and Yuuji struggled to keep up the facade for him. The two of them began to argue constantly. It became repetitive and exhausting. Yuuji would find the strength to ask Megumi to stay home with him and Megumi would lecture him about attempting to be yet another father figure in his life. He would demean Yuuji, calling him suffocating and obsessive; or he’d just simply leave without a word. Without fail, he would always come crawling back, fucked up and begging for Yuuji’s forgiveness. Other times, Megumi would go off on Yuuji almost out of thin air. He would accuse Yuuji of choosing his best friend over him. Yuuji would hardly spend time with anyone other than Megumi but if his plans happened to land on a day when Megumi was already particularly sensitive, wasted and high on coke, Yuuji would have to cancel them or risk setting him off. Megumi hated himself for it, but it always felt like an out-of-body experience. He just couldn’t help it.
They’d just had sex. Yuuji was in the bathroom, washing Megumi’s cum out. They had stopped using condoms altogether. Megumi had told Yuuji that he would never allow anyone else to touch him, so there was no point in them. He knew it was a toxic mindset but he couldn’t shake it. Yuuji belonged to him. Megumi would never allow them to be separated. Yuuji, ever the hopeless romantic, simply thought it was yet another way in which Megumi was showing him his complete devotion.
Megumi was searching for his lighter. He couldn’t find the one that Yuuji had gifted him for his seventeenth birthday. He could have sworn he’d left it in Yuuji’s room. Like everything that Yuuji had ever given him, it was thoughtful and sweet, and Megumi panicked at the possibility of having lost it. The lighter was beautifully ornate and engraved with his initials. Like Yuuji, it was entirely irreplaceable. Megumi searched through the drawer in his nightstand before deciding to check in the nightstand by Yuuji’s side of the bed. He didn’t find his lighter but he did find a bright red case that he had never seen before. Megumi lifted the small box. It looked as though it could be a travel sized first aid kit or even an inhaler, not that either of them used one. He wondered what Yuuji was hiding from him. He knew it was hypocritical but he didn’t like that Yuuji would keep anything from him, no matter how mundane. Megumi opened the case and saw the strange white device nestled within it.
“Yuuji, what the fuck is this?” Megumi questioned, walking to the bathroom. Yuuji was getting dressed. He turned and his face drained of all color when he saw what Megumi was holding.
“Where did you find that?” Yuuji asked.
“I was looking for my lighter,” Megumi stated plainly.
“Oh, you left it by the window,” Yuuji informed him, clearly hoping to change the conversation.
“That doesn’t matter. What the fuck is this?” Megumi repeated.
“Umm, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Yuuji responded nervously.
“My dads are doctors and I’m not fucking stupid. I know what Narcan is but what I want to know is why you’re keeping a dose with you,” Megumi demanded.
“It’s just… um… it’s just for an emergency,” Yuuji said, a tremble in his voice.
“What? Why? Because you think your boyfriend is a junkie or something?” Megumi questioned.
“No! Nothing like that! Please don’t be upset,” Yuuji begged.
“Do you really think I’m so pathetic?” Megumi asked. He felt unreasonably angry.
“No! I would never think that. It’s just…” Yuuji began. He didn’t say anything else and his eyes began to fill with tears. Megumi’s misplaced agitation vanished instantly.
“Hey, wait, don’t cry… it’s okay. I’m not mad,” he spoke in a calm tone.
“It’s just sometimes I get so scared and I feel so useless and I don’t want to lose you,” Yuuji said frantically before his soft cries became sobs. “Please! I can’t lose you. Don’t be mad at me. I just want you to be okay. I need to keep you safe. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you. I can’t…” Yuuji slid down against his bathroom vanity and began to shake uncontrollably as he hyperventilated. Megumi set the Narcan on the counter and knelt in front of him.
“Baby. Stop. It’s okay, I’m okay. Everything is fine. I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better, you can keep it with you,” he said in a soothing voice. He took Yuuji’s hands and squeezed them, attempting to center him. “I promise you’ll never need to use it but I won’t be mad at you for carrying it. I can take a break though... If you want. It’s just, you know, we’re not in school right now and I wanted to enjoy my vacation.”
“Would you really stop if I asked you to?” Yuuji questioned when his cries quieted.
“Yeah but I know you, you wouldn’t try to control me,” Megumi responded.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Yuuji agreed.
“I’ll take it easy though, okay?” Megumi said.
“You promise?” Yuuji asked.
“Of course, baby,” Megumi answered. “What do I always tell you? I’ll do anything for you.” He kissed Yuuji. His lips tasted salty from his lingering tears, and Megumi swore to himself that he would never be the cause of the flavor again. Yuuji meant more to him than anything else. Yuuji was his. Megumi would always take care of him.
Megumi’s pledge didn’t last long. He was back to overindulging within a few days, but he did manage to curb his opioid use somewhat. He wasn’t always completely high but he was definitely not remotely sober. He never felt in danger though. Yuuji always looked out for him. He would make up excuses for Megumi’s parents, or pick him up whenever he’d stumble into a random house party or club, and he would make sure Megumi didn’t swallow his own tongue while he slept. Sometimes Megumi would feel so overwhelmingly ashamed of everything he was putting Yuuji through, but then his limbs would loosen up and his face would begin to tingle and he felt too fucking good to remember what was bothering him in the first place.
_____________
Yuuji woke up before Megumi. He hadn’t slept much and it had been poor sleep at that, but he got up regardless. He’d spent half of the night watching Megumi sleep. Though it hadn’t been the best night, his boyfriend looked so peaceful now. Yuuji decided he’d let him sleep and surprise him with breakfast in bed. He hoped it might help with Megumi’s mood. He kissed Megumi’s forehead as carefully as he could and went downstairs. Choso was having his morning coffee. He smiled brightly when he saw Yuuji enter the kitchen, but his grin dropped when Yuuji stepped closer to him.
“Good morning, big brother,” Yuuji said happily.
“Yuuji, you look exhausted. How late did he keep you up?” Choso asked with a scowl etched on his features.
“Oh, I do? He didn’t. Umm… I was watching a movie,” Yuuji lied.
“Okay, sure,” Choso said. “Well, how about we take a day trip? Just the two of us. I’ve hardly seen you all summer, and it could do you some good.”
“What about Megumi?” Yuuji asked.
Choso sighed and set his cup down. “Baby brother, I know you hate when I bring up your relationship but we really need to talk about it,” he forewarned.
“What is there to say? We’re fine,” Yuuji said resoundingly.
“Look at yourself. He’s killing you and I won’t allow it to go on anymore,” Choso spoke emphatically.
“I’m fine. We’re doing great,” Yuuji replied.
“He’s spiraling. He really needs help. You both do. You’ve always been someone who is deeply empathetic but you’ve allowed it to get way out of control with him. It’s an addiction. You’re so worried about showing him that you love him as he is that you won’t hold him accountable for any of his mistakes. You just keep adjusting yourself for them. I know you’re terrified that he’ll cut you off like he does everyone else in his life but you can’t keep being responsible for him. It’s not on you. It never has been,” Choso addressed him more calmly. “Look, I never wanted to tell you how to live your life. You’ve always made smart choices and I have always trusted you before, but he’s changed you into someone who I hardly recognize. I can’t trust you to look out for Yuuji anymore, so now I have to step in. It’s time for you to end things with him.”
“What? I won’t!” Yuuji exclaimed. “I love him! And… he needs me! How could you even suggest that?”
“I’m not suggesting anything. Can’t you see for yourself that he’s not able to have a genuinely healthy relationship? I’m not saying that he doesn’t love you. Anyone can see that he does, but it’s obsessive and volatile. It can’t last, and I won’t wait until you’re a complete shell of yourself to intervene,” Choso responded.
Yuuji was silent. He didn’t want to listen to the way in which Choso was describing the love of his life. It felt like a physical wound to attack what they shared together.
“What do you think would happen if you asked him to choose between you or his high? Would you dare to even try it?” Choso questioned after a moment.
“He… I love him,” Yuuji replied.
“I know,” Choso said. “Listen, I’ve been given an opportunity at work. It would require us to move but I think it would really be in both of our benefit for me to accept. You need the distance. I think it’ll help you find yourself again.”
“I can’t just leave Megumi behind,” Yuuji insisted.
“Just think about it okay? I’m not trying to hurt you but something has to change. I won’t allow him to destroy my brother. I don’t care if I have to sacrifice him to save you. You can be angry with me. You can hate me. I just need you to recognize that you’ve both been focusing on his needs and left yours to rot,” Choso told him with intensity.
Apart from his argument with his brother, the day had been kind to Yuuji. Megumi had been drinking, but it wasn’t excessive and he seemed satisfied to read quietly in Yuuji’s bedroom. Yuuji made plans to have Junpei over for a movie night and Megumi had been receptive to the idea. Though Yuuji invited him to join them, Megumi told him that he wanted Yuuji to enjoy a nice night with his friend. He said that he’d be having dinner with his parents anyway, and that Yuuji could just call him whenever Junpei went home. Megumi kissed Yuuji and left him breathless before heading out.
Yuuji was cheerful and in high-spirits by the time his best friend arrived. They ordered pizza and watched a ridiculous swamp monster movie, laughing while they reminisced over all of the crap movies they’d endured together. Junpei and he had a longstanding tradition of trying to outdo each other with bad movie picks. It was how they’d grown so close over the length of their friendship.
When the movie ended, their conversation shifted to Junpei’s summer job. He’d been working at a theater. He told Yuuji how much fun he was having and about all the people he’d met, cinephiles like themselves.
“You should come by. I can introduce you to everyone. They’d really love you,” Junpei suggested.
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll see if Megumi will take me to a showing,” Yuuji responded.
“Yuuji? Uh, can we talk about something serious?” Junpei asked, frowning.
“Sure, what’s wrong?” Yuuji answered.
“Megumi…” Junpei began but Yuuji put his hand up to interrupt him.
“Please, not you too,” he nearly pleaded. He was too tired for a repeat conversation.
“What do you mean?” Junpei questioned.
“Choso already lectured me about my relationship this morning,” Yuuji divulged.
“I’m not trying to lecture you. You’re my best friend and I’m really worried about you. I just want to talk about what’s been going on,” Junpei responded with sincerity.
“Nothing’s going on. I’m happy. I love Megumi and he loves me. Why does everyone think that’s such a bad thing?” Yuuji said defensively.
“Because your entire relationship is about him and it’s slowly eroding you,” Junpei replied.
“That’s not true. We take care of each other,” Yuuji asserted.
“Yuuji, you keep setting yourself on fire just so that he doesn’t have to live in darkness... And what’s really sad is that he doesn’t even notice your sacrifice. If anything, I think he prefers the dark,” Junpei said. He looked worried but Yuuji really didn’t understand why.
“I’m not doing anything like that,” Yuuji contended.
“You are and every time, you burn just a little dimmer. Soon, you won’t even be able to see your own way out of his abyss,” Junpei spoke with conviction. “He’s horrible for you. You need to end things with him… just… just think about it, okay? For your own good.”
“What the fuck did you just say?” Megumi’s voice made Yuuji jump up from where he had been sat beside Junpei.
“Megumi! When did you get here?” Yuuji asked as he took a step toward his boyfriend. Megumi was glaring past him and at Junpei.
“Around the same time when this asshole told you to break up with me,” Megumi answered him before addressing Junpei. “Why don’t you talk to me, if you’re so worried about our relationship?” Yuuji felt as his best friend stood up behind him.
“I couldn’t give less of a fuck about you. It’s Yuuji who I care about and it’s Yuuji who is suffering,” Junpei spat out.
Before Megumi could speak, Yuuji put up his hands. He tried to force more space between his infuriated best friend and his even more enraged boyfriend.
“Megumi, I’m sorry. Please just go up to my room. I’ll be right there,” Yuuji said calmly.
“Don’t apologize to him, Yuuji. I meant what I said,” Junpei spoke with vitriol in his voice.
“Go fuck yourself,” Megumi said with equal amounts of venom.
“Why don’t you go get high, and leave Yuuji and me alone,” Junpei suggested, his tone sardonic. “Oh, wait! Never mind! You already are. What a huge fucking surprise!” He gestured at Megumi’s face, though it was unnecessary. Yuuji had noticed Megumi’s dilated pupils as soon as he’d laid eyes on him.
“Why the fuck are you even here? You’re like a parasite, always trying to take Yuuji from me,” Megumi questioned. He was becoming more hostile, and Yuuji was frightened for what was to come.
“And you’re just another fucking spoiled rich kid with daddy issues and too much time on your hands. Yuuji is way too fucking good for you, and I can’t wait until the day that he realizes it and dumps you, you manipulative piece of shit,” Junpei said as though he’d been waiting for the opportunity to speak the words.
“FUCK YOU!” Megumi shouted.
“FUCK YOU!” Junpei returned.
“Stop! Please!” Yuuji begged, attempting to keep space between them.
“He needs to leave!” Megumi declared threateningly.
“I need to leave? This isn’t even your fucking house and I’m not the one who’s always hurting Yuuji. How many times have you made him cry this week, huh?” Junpei demanded.
Megumi reeled back and before Yuuji could think, he’d stepped in front of Junpei. The punch landed on the left side of his face. His jaw stung and his eyes teared up instantly.
“YUUJI!” Megumi and Junpei shouted in unison.
“You fucker!” Junpei hissed at Megumi.
“Baby, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! That was meant for him,” Megumi said entirely beside himself.
“It’s fine. I’m okay,” Yuuji told him, holding his jaw where he hoped it wouldn’t bruise too badly. The last thing he needed was to give Choso another reason to kill his boyfriend. He turned to his best friend and spoke, “Junpei, go home. I’ll call you later.”
“I’m not leaving you alone with this psycho!” Junpei said earnestly.
“He’s not going to hurt me,” Yuuji responded.
“He already did!” Junpei argued.
“Junpei,” Yuuji pleaded and his friend deflated.
“Fine,” he gritted.
He stomped out without another word and Yuuji felt himself relax a little. Megumi continued to look at him with horror in his eyes.
“I’m okay. I just need ice,” Yuuji said reassuringly.
“I’ll be right back,” Megumi spoke as he broke out of his daze.
He dashed out of the room and Yuuji fell back onto the couch, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He felt when Megumi sat beside him but he didn’t open his eyes. Megumi placed the icepack gently on Yuuji’s cheek. Yuuji winced at the cold and Megumi apologized again. He held the pack against Yuuji’s face and ran his free hand through Yuuji’s hair.
“Please forgive me, baby,” Megumi pleaded quietly.
“I’m not mad at you,” Yuuji reassured him.
“I’m really sorry,” Megumi said with palpable remorse.
“Will you apologize to Junpei?” Yuuji asked. He turned his head slightly and opened his eyes to look at Megumi.
“He’s an asshole,” Megumi replied.
“He’s very important to me,” Yuuji said calmly.
“What, are you fucking him?” Megumi questioned, the words bitter.
“Don’t speak to me like that,” Yuuji said. He took over holding the icepack and stood.
“Oh, right. You prefer to be fucked… So, what, he’s fucking you?” Megumi asked. His dip into paranoia gave Yuuji whiplash. “Are you really that desperate?”
“You need to go,” Yuuji replied plainly. His face ached and his mind was weary. He didn’t have the energy for another argument.
“What’s wrong? You don’t like when I’m honest?” Megumi pressed.
“You’re not being honest. You’re being cruel. I don’t know why but you are. Junpei is my friend. He was my friend before you and I ever met, and he’ll be my friend whenever you finally get around to leaving me,” Yuuji answered. He didn’t know where the words came from but he understood that they were true.
“What? I’m not leaving you. I would never. Why would you think that?” Megumi asked. Yuuji turned away and Megumi grabbed his wrist, pulling him back. “Answer me! Do you really feel that way? Why would you say that?”
“Because you don’t really love me!” Yuuji shouted, pulling at his wrist but Megumi wouldn’t budge.
“I do! Of course I do,” Megumi declared. His expression morphed from anger to panic. Yuuji’s instinct was to soothe him. Instead, he allowed the words that he had unconsciously suppressed to pour out.
“You don’t. You can’t,” Yuuji responded more subdued. “Please let go. You’re hurting me.”
“I’m sorry,” Megumi said, releasing his hold. “Yuuji, you’re everything to me. I love you more than anything else.”
“Then why does it always feel like I’m just an afterthought? Why do you make me feel so insignificant?” Yuuji asked.
“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t mean to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry,” Megumi answered.
“Megumi, I love you. I really do, but sometimes it feels like you can barely even stand to be around me anymore. Maybe we should just take some time apart,” Yuuji suggested.
“No! We’re going to get married, remember? We belong together,” Megumi all but begged.
“Do we? Because lately it seems like all we do is argue and I’m just so tired. We’re teenagers, I don’t think things are supposed to feel like a constant battle,” Yuuji told him.
“Yuuji, please… baby, I love you,” Megumi replied.
“You’re only saying that to keep me from leaving,” Yuuji said, and the reality of it broke his heart.
“That’s not true! I love you so much! I’m yours and you are mine,” Megumi asserted.
Yuuji began to laugh because what else could he do? He had cried all of his tears. All that was left inside of him was this sickly, mocking laughter. He had to laugh at himself. He had been such an idiot. He had been so naive.
“Okay, let’s take a breather. I think you just need to clear your head and then we can talk about everything. Does that sound good?” Megumi suggested eagerly.
“Okay,” Yuuji agreed. Megumi smiled at him and Yuuji felt his heart splintering like never before; this time, the pieces were microscopic and fragile. He wouldn’t be able to mend them like he had every other time that Megumi left him feeling twisted and broken. If he even attempted to touch them, they would disintegrate between his fingers. There was nothing left to salvage. He had nothing left to give.
_____________
His arms felt numb as he struggled with the windowsill. He had taken too much Oxy but he was out of Xanax and he just needed something to help with the panic that had overtaken him. He was so afraid that he’d finally hurt Yuuji too deeply; that he’d been too cutting with his words. He didn’t even know why he had said what he had. He trusted Yuuji. He knew that Yuuji wasn’t the problem. He was. Megumi was always the fuck up. There was always a problem with him. This time it was the coke. It made him paranoid and it didn’t help that, on some level, he agreed with Junpei. Yuuji would be better off without him. It was agonizing to recognize how much better someone like Junpei would be for Yuuji. Megumi didn’t know him well, but he knew enough to understand that Yuuji’s friend was kind and thoughtful. At the very least, Junpei didn’t self-medicate or constantly hurt Yuuji with his actions.
Megumi managed to push the window open and did his best to be quiet as he climbed into Yuuji’s bedroom. He didn’t want to scare him. He just needed to see him again. He needed Yuuji to know just how much he loved him. Megumi couldn’t live without him. He needed Yuuji to understand that. He needed Yuuji to understand that nothing else mattered if he couldn’t be in Yuuji’s life. Megumi watched Yuuji’s sleeping form for a minute. He looked so angelic. Megumi wanted nothing more than to make him happy for the rest of their lives. He wanted to take care of Yuuji. He would take care of Yuuji. Megumi would give him anything he asked for. He wanted to be good to him and deserving of him.
He stripped down to his underwear. His clothes reeked of cigarette smoke and he didn’t want to sully Yuuji’s bed. He carefully climbed on top of Yuuji. He wanted to admire his beautiful face up close. Yuuji stirred right away. He looked at Megumi with a startled expression.
“Megumi? What-what are you doing here?” Yuuji asked sleepily.
“Hey, princess. I missed that pretty face,” Megumi replied, resting his head in one palm and using the other hand to caress Yuuji’s hair.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” Yuuji spoke quietly.
“Please don’t be mad at me. I love you, baby. I’m sorry about earlier. I was being fucking stupid,” Megumi said. His mind was beginning to fog but he was resolved to fix what he had done. “You’re just so wonderful. I don’t understand how you could ever love me.”
“I’m too tired to do this again,” Yuuji said.
“You still love me, right?” Megumi asked.
“Yes, I still love you and you’re still high, so there’s really no point in us talking right now. Please just go,” Yuuji told him.
“No, I don’t want to lose you. I’ll get sober. Just…” Everything went black.
“Megumi? Megumi!? MEGUMI.” Yuuji shook him frantically and Megumi opened his eyes.
“Hmm?” Megumi said, unable to keep his eyes from blinking shut or his head from rolling back.
“You blacked out. Are you okay?” Yuuji asked, his voice desperate.
“Yes, just need a minute,” Megumi answered. He did his best to stay conscious.
“I’m scared,” Yuuji whispered. He was trembling.
“Shh, don’t be. Come here, baby,” Megumi said wrapping himself around Yuuji. “Every… everything is… fine.”
When Megumi woke up, he noticed that he was alone in Yuuji’s bed. He couldn’t remember what was said after he’d climbed into bed with Yuuji and he was anxious that his boyfriend wasn’t with him. He turned and saw that Yuuji was asleep in a chair next to the bed. He was clutching his phone and the small case where he carried his dose of Narcan was on the nightstand beside him. Megumi felt like complete shit. He must have really scared Yuuji. They’d done this dance enough for him to know that Yuuji had spent his night watching him sleep or rather, he had stayed up making sure Megumi was still breathing. He sat up and felt the comedown of his high. He was too cold, and the boundaries between his body and everything else felt shaky.
“Yuuji? Baby?” Megumi spoke softly.
Yuuji twitched in his seat, as though he’d been dreaming of falling, but then his eyes opened.
“You’re awake,” he said with clear relief. Again, Megumi felt pure unadulterated guilt.
“Yeah, are you okay?” Megumi asked.
“I’m fine,” Yuuji replied.
“Can you forgive me?” Megumi questioned.
“Always. I love you,” Yuuji answered. The words sent comfort through Megumi.
“I love you too. Will you kiss me?” Megumi knew that he didn’t deserve it, but he craved it more than anything else.
Yuuji moved and sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned in and let Megumi hold his face cautiously as they kissed. It was slow and gentle. Megumi was apologizing through his lips and in return, Yuuji was breathing life back into him. After a while, Megumi felt dampness on his cheeks. He pulled back and saw that Yuuji was crying.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Megumi asked. His heart ached at the sight.
“Nothing,” Yuuji said. He smiled, but it was small and mournful. “You should probably go. Choso will be up soon and I was only barely able to calm him down about my cheek.”
“Okay, right,” Megumi responded. “Can we talk later? I’ll be sober. I promise.”
“Sure. I’m running errands with Choso. Come by around six?” Yuuji instructed.
“Yes,” Megumi agreed. He leaned in and kissed Yuuji one more time before getting up to dress.
He spent the day on edge. He showered and the droplets on his skin felt too heavy. He smoked to distract himself from the itch that went as deep as his bones. His head was pounding by the time midday rolled around. The pressure on his temples made it difficult to think. He tried to masturbate just for some sense of alleviation but he couldn’t make himself come. Despite how cold his parents kept their home in the summer, Megumi was sweating. He showered again and managed to release some tension, riding his fingers with Yuuji’s name on his tongue. As soon as he stepped out of the shower, nausea punched him in the gut and he nearly missed emptying the few contents in his stomach into the toilet. He didn’t know how he would make it through the rest of the day. He just knew that he had to. He couldn’t lose Yuuji. That would be a truly fatal wound.
By the time he had less than an hour before his date with Yuuji, he decided that he should take something so that he didn’t look like complete dog shit. He crushed an Oxy and snorted half of it. The relief was immediate and immense. He felt like he could breathe again. He stood on shaky legs and got to work on dressing. He snorted the other half before heading out. He told himself it was necessary, medicinal even, so that he could look good for Yuuji. He’d done really well. He’d been sober most of the day, despite it feeling like death. He wasn’t even really high anyway. He was just treating the pain in his bones. Yuuji wouldn’t hold that against him. Yuuji was sweet and caring, and he loved Megumi more than anything else. Megumi knew it. Now he just needed to do whatever it took to make sure that Yuuji forgave him. Yuuji need only ask and Megumi would do it, anything at all. He’d even consider going to treatment, if that’s what it took. He didn’t think it was completely necessary but for Yuuji, he would grit his teeth through it.
He climbed through Yuuji’s window and felt instantly sick again. Yuuji wasn’t around and the entire room felt off-kilter. Things were very clearly missing. Most noticeably, Yuuji’s bouquet of dried flowers was gone from where it normally decorated his desk. Did he throw it out? No, Yuuji loved his flower collection. He wouldn’t get rid of it; not unless he was ending things. Megumi’s blood ran cold and he started to panic. He walked over to Yuuji’s closet. It was half empty, only Megumi’s clothes remained. The photos of them that had littered the room were also gone. On his nightstand, Megumi noticed the red case that Yuuji took with him everywhere. Beneath it, there was an envelope with his name written across the front. Megumi ran to Yuuji’s bathroom and vomited bile into the sink. He let the water run for a minute, splashing some on his face. He walked back to the envelope and lifted it with trembling hands.
Megumi,
I love you more than you’ll ever understand. Thank you for all of the bits of you that you were willing to share with me. I will never forget them. Forgive me for all of the times that I tried to pry more from you than you were able to give. I know how hard you tried. I really do. I’m so sorry for being a coward. I just knew that if I saw you again, I wouldn’t be able to leave. I would stay by your side and tell myself that I was okay with this harmful cycle we’ve created for ourselves, and it would end up destroying us both. There was nothing I could do to stop your hurting. I will never forgive myself for failing you. I’m so sorry if I made things worse for you. I must have, right? You were happier before, I think. Know that my heart will only ever belong to you. I know that’s melodramatic to say but it’s always been my truth.
You can climb through the window all you want, I don’t live here anymore. Please be kind to yourself. You’ll always be my favorite person, flaws and all. I love you, to no end.
Yuuji.
Megumi ran downstairs, letter clutched in hand. Choso was in his office. He hardly looked up when Megumi burst in.
“Where the fuck is he!?” Megumi demanded.
“Hello to you too, Fushiguro. He’s where he can finally be happy again,” Choso answered. He stared at Megumi with a fierce glare that deflated some of Megumi’s fury.
“He was happy with me. We were happy together,” Megumi told him with perfect certainty.
“Maybe but no one has ever made him cry as much as you have,” Choso replied.
“I’ll fix this. He just… he needs to let me try. I-I just need to speak with him,” Megumi said more frantically than he’d intended. He pulled his phone from his pocket.
“He changed all of his accounts. You can’t reach him anymore. He wants a fresh start. He deserves one,” Choso divulged.
“He’s coming back, right? He has to,” Megumi asked. He refused to believe in the permanence of Yuuji’s decision.
“Not that it’s any of your business but no, he’s gone. I will be joining him soon,” Choso informed him. “Oh and Fushiguro? I’m selling the house. Please don’t harass the poor souls who purchase it.”
Megumi looked down at where he still clung to the letter in his fist. He didn’t know what to say. How could he convince Choso to help him? Would there be any chance? No, Choso hated him as much as he loved Yuuji, maybe even more than that.
“I’ve got things to take care of. You can see yourself out,” Choso said. He stood and walked past Megumi, pausing at the door. “Be good, Megumi. If not for yourself, do it for Yuuji. You know he’ll be worrying.”
Megumi stepped back into Yuuji’s abandoned room. The bed was left unmade and Megumi crawled into it. He could smell Yuuji, sweet and clean. Beneath it, he could smell the bitter, smoky scent of himself. It was overpowering and Megumi despised it. It was as if his flames had burned through Yuuji’s wildflower forest. The thought broke him and he cried there for a moment.
When he left, he took only Yuuji’s final words to him, and the Narcan case as a reminder of everything he had put Yuuji through. By sheer luck or misfortune, his parents weren’t home. The house was empty but everything was still so unbearably loud. He needed to silence it all. Nothing mattered now except quieting the world around him. It was all so deafening that he didn’t even notice his phone had been ringing. He picked it up but didn’t say a word.
“Megumi?” Gojo’s voice broke through.
“Yeah,” he answered numbly.
“Hey, baby boy. Choso called. Your dad and I will be home soon. Just wait for us, okay?” Gojo said. His voice was less pronounced than usual. He spoke as though Megumi were a wounded animal and he was attempting to keep him from lashing out in fear.
“Sure, see you,” Megumi responded. He could hardly recognize his own voice. There was no life in it.
“Wait! Stay on the phone with me, will you?” Gojo pleaded.
“I gotta go,” Megumi said.
“Meg-” Gojo started, but Megumi hung up.
Megumi turned off his phone and tossed it on the bed. He didn’t need it anymore. The only person he wanted to speak to would never be calling him again. He walked over to his closet and looked for the box he had hidden away as though he had always known where he would end up. His emergency stash, and slush fund were the best friends he could ever hope to have. He emptied the contents of the box in an unused sling bag. Before changing, he took two Vicodin and downed them with a heavy swig from a half empty bottle of whiskey he’d kept tucked in the pocket of a large overcoat. He dressed all in black so that he could easily sink into the shadows, where he had always belonged. When he’d finished pulling a hoodie over his head, his gaze fell on the full-length mirror in the corner of his room. One of Yuuji’s little Polaroids was staring back at him. He plucked the photo from where it was stuck. Yuuji looked so beautiful. He was smiling brightly and so alive; despite the fact that Megumi was by his side, draining him. It hurt to look at. Yuuji had always been the sun and now the light had gone away with him. Megumi considered leaving the photo behind but instead, he tucked it in his front pocket. He threw his bag over his shoulder and looked at where he’d left Yuuji’s letter, sat beneath the red case. For a moment, he considered taking both but decided against it. Neither would do him any good. As far as he was concerned, he was already bleeding out. Nothing could save him. He would make sure of it.