Work Text:
Nightingales Sing Again
Crowley parked Bentley in front of the bookshop. " Here you go, your bookshop! Not a brick is misplaced." Crowley said dryly as he looked past Aziraphale to the old building.
Aziraphale looked out the window. If the bookshop hadn't stayed the same throughout centuries, he wouldn't have recognized the street. Maggi's music shop has given its place to a cozy French bakery, and Nina's cafe was replaced by a stylish boutique. Aziraphale could tell, just by a quick glance inside the shop, how much the fashion trends had changed since the last time he was on earth. Not that he cared though, he was still wearing his personally tailored suit. The ancient piece of clothing, although not very fashionable anymore, gave Aziraphale the sense of comfort he needed and he still loved it the same.
"Everything's... changed," Aziraphale said lowly while keeping an eye on Crowley as if he was afraid that any of his words would shatter the mask of indifference Crowley had put on since the moment of their reunion.
"Yeah," they pause, "that happens when you don't visit for fifty years." The bitterness in their tone scratched Aziraphales’ heart like a fresh paper cut. He didn't blame them, how could he? After what happened? They didn't even get a chance to discuss anything, partially due to the chaos induced by the second coming and mostly because Crowley refused to stay alone with him for more than a few minutes. If he hadn't insisted that Crowley give him a ride to the bookshop, he could've never been alone with them. He had to say something. He wasn't one for difficult conversations, but he hadn't seen their eyes in fifty years and he was desperate...oh so desperate.
"Crowley" they interrupted, " you better go in and check on your books. I think Muriel has invented a new system to organize them, you probably won't like it."
"Crowley, can you listen…" but they continue, "Don't worry, they didn’t give away any books or anything, they're all safe."
"I'm just trying to talk to you, Crowley please..." Aziraphale turned so he was face to face with them, his hands fisted on his lap, anguish visible in his eyes as he stared at Crowley, starved for a bit of their attention. Crowley looked at his face for a moment, their sunglasses on their face, shielding all their thoughts and emotions. "It was a pleasure working with ya angel! See you when heaven decides to create another second coming or Armageddon or some other bullshit." They turned away their head again, hands on the stirring wheel, as if getting ready to drive away but just stared out the window.
"Crowley can you just quit being stubborn and listen to me!" Aziraphale shouted, his voice louder than any time Crowley had heard it. Crowley froze in their place; their hands grabbed the steering wheel so hard that their knuckles turned white. “Please!” Aziraphale said quietly.
"What" they spitted out, still not looking at him.
"I know what it looks like, that I abandoned you for Heaven,” every word comes out more uncertain, “but that wasn’t my intention, I… " Aziraphale's mind went blank. No, no, not now he thought. He had waited so long for this moment, rehearsing his speech over and over in his mind. He can't back down now. Despite their irritated look, Crowley waited patiently, looking ahead, tapping his finger on the steering wheel.
Aziraphale took a deep breath. "I'm... I'm sorry," he paused, looking down while fidgeting with his fingers. Crowley sighed in disappointment, "Well! Thanks for clarifying that!"
"I thought I could give you the Heaven that you deserve," Aziraphale said abruptly. “You deserved to get back what you had lost, and I wanted to be the one to give it back to you.” Aziraphale reached to touch Crowley’s hand, but they moved it away.
“And what made you abandon that fantastic idea?” their voice almost robotic, to hide the lump in their throat. “Heaven was too good for me?”
Aziraphale smiled softly, his eyes filled with pain at the realization of what Crowley had just said. “You…are too good for Heaven.”
Crowley was clenching their jaw silently, fighting the tears welling up in their eyes underneath his sunglasses. “Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry for making you feel you’re not enough; you are more than enough, you are everything I need. It’s just…you showed me the joy of living, and that was the best thing that ever happened to me, I just wish I could’ve done the same for you!” The car was silent all that could be heard were the silent pleas in Aziraphale’s eyes and Crowley’s sniffling. “You don’t have to forgive me, Crowley. I just missed you, a lot. And I know you probably hate me now but I wanted you to know that.”
“You idiot,” Crowley managed to say without their voice breaking. “I know,” Aziraphale murmured before getting out of the Bently, although he didn’t move away from the car.
Crowley just sat there. All this time, all they wanted was for Aziraphale to come back to them. What now? They never thought of the afterwards. They didn't even think this would've happened. Crowley wasn't used to this. Since they could remember, they were the ones who came back, they were the ones demanding forgiveness, not the other way around! Demons like them were never deemed worthy enough to forgive.
Crowley lost the thread of his thoughts, when the Bently suddenly turned off. “aghh, come on, not now. Really?!” All of a sudden, his seat belt opened and flew off to the side, almost hitting Crowley in the face. “You sneaky little thing! I guess you know me better than I do huh?”
Crowley got out of the car, “6000 years of friendship and you still think I cared about going to heaven?” Aziraphale turned around, shock and relief visible in his face. “All those archangels can shove heaven up their holly ass for all I care.” They started walking towards Aziraphale. “I never wanted heaven or hell or some bloody title to be happy.” They stood in front of Aziraphale. “All I wanted, all I needed was,” Crowley stops from the fear that his voice will betray him. “Only you.”
“You broke my heart.” Crowley lowers his head. “I know.”
“I’m mad at you Aziraphale.” Aziraphale’s heart dropped at the sound of his actual name. “I know,” he said shakily. “But I wish I could’ve hated you.” Aziraphale’s head turned immediately to look at their eyes as per habit. Their head was still down but trails of tears were visible on their cheeks. Aziraphale had no doubt that their eyes were as red and glossy as his under the sunglasses.
“I wish I was as mean and evil as I’m told I am. But the truth is, I would forgive you, even if you were the reason for my fall from Heaven.” Aziraphales’ face was wet from tears, he couldn’t say anything. He reached out to hold Crowley’s shaking hand, but they didn’t resist.
“Oh, Crowley,” he places their hand over his heart. His smile finally reaches his eyes, while still looking at his reflection in Crowley’s sunglasses. “You are the Heaven I wish I’ll never fall from.”
Crowley let out a big sigh and took their hand out of Aziraphales’. They moved around restlessly, pretending their knees weren’t shaking. However, they didn’t try to hide the little smirk forming on their face, probably the first one in fifty years.
“The weather is quite nice today, isn’t it?” they looked up toward the sky after their horrible attempt to change the topic. Aziraphale cleared his throat, “Yes, it is a nice day today!”
Crowley lowered their sunglasses as they kept looking at the sky, “You hear that?” Crowley turned to look at Aziraphale, sunglasses still lowered, “Nightingales, they’re singing again.”