Chapter Text
Carmy didn’t know when or how it started.
At first, she was a fleeting thought, then when he thought about work, he thought about her.
How good her dish was, how sometimes she was the only one who understood his craft in the midst of chaos.
Then he got a girlfriend, and when in need of peace, he thought about their first meeting, her voice, her smile.
Now that he was single, she consumed his every thought.
At home.
At work.
During the day.
During the night.
Sidney. Sidney. Sidney.
The first time he realized it, he was in the kitchen of the restaurant. She was cooking a new recipe she wanted to try. She was smiling and talking to him about a new blend of spices she was trying when she did it.
Usually, she would taste the sauce with the tip of a spoon and that was it.
This time, she dipped her finger in the fruity sauce, before popping it in her mouth.
Her lips made a perfect o around her finger as she sucked the sauce before moaning softly, shaking her shoulders into a little dance.
Carmy opened his mouth slightly, feeling breathless and constricted into his jacket. He burned himself sometimes, but this was another kind of heat. He imagined her lips stretching around something else, her moans for him.
Her moaning his name.
It felt so real.
“Chef? Are you okay?”
He snapped back into reality, focusing on her as she looked at him, worried.
“I was just wondering if you were going to let me taste it,” breathed Carmy. “The sauce, I mean…”
She only smiled quickly, before grabbing a spoon and giving him a taste. He hid his disappointment and tasted the sauce.
He wondered if her lips had the same taste at the moment.
“Why are you smiling?”
“It’s a good sauce, chef,” Carmy replied, giving her back the spoon. “Next time, don’t put your finger in it, though.”
“Yes, chef.”
Carmy excused himself and left the kitchen quickly, his dreams of her moaning “Yes, chef” as he fucked her slowly becoming too much.
The second time, he understood he was attracted to her. She was a beautiful woman, spirited and challenging, who brought the best out of him. Her smile was radiant and deep down, she understood him on a molecular level.
Selfishly, he wanted her for himself.
But Carmy had never been good with positive things or people.
So, he did nothing.
He was only good at one thing, and he would excel in it, instead of fighting for his happiness.
He knew she was going on a few dates with Marcus. Everybody talked about it behind Sidney’s back, as if it was taboo. Carmy wouldn’t answer the jokes and banter, feeling more and more aggravated with each story.
It was quite early in the evening. He was alone in the kitchen, the others already gone, and to quiet out his thoughts, he had been scrubbing and cleaning the whole kitchen.
How could he even think about Sidney like that? How could he sexualize someone he was working with? Someone who wasn’t even interested in him.
He scrubbed harder, his thoughts and self-hatred making him spiral and lose touch with reality.
Until he saw her.
She entered his vision, standing right in front of him, looking worried.
“Am I fucking hallucinating you, now?”
“No, asshole. But you’re bleeding.”
She grabbed him by the arm and brought him to the sink. His mind went quiet as she touched his hand and cleaned his bloodied fingers under the water.
“Didn’t you have a date tonight?” whispered Carmy.
“With Marcus? Who told you that?” she whispered back.
“Are you not dating him?”
“Why does it bother you?”
“Answer my question.”
“He’s a friend…”
“Like I’m your friend?”
As if scared to break the quietness both had been whispering back and forth and leaning towards each other. Carmy could see her labored breathing, as her eyes glanced to his lips. He bit back a moan when he saw her tongue pass over her lower lip and focused back on her eyes.
“Answer my question…” he whispered.
“No…”
“No what? Is he your friend as I am your friend?”
“No…” she whispered feverishly.
“What are you doing to me?”
He leaned even more, his lips ghosting over hers, breathing in her intoxicating smell.
She had thoughts about him.
Sometimes.
Quite often.
How his steady hands would feel on her body.
Sometimes she would even dream of his moans and grunts.
God, she hoped he was the vocal kind.
And now, here she was.
In the kitchen, Carmy’s lips ghosting over hers.
If she wanted to, she could bite his lower lip, but she waited for him to move.
Yet, he didn’t. He seemed to bask in her closeness, his eyes closed as he breathed her in.
And then he moved.
In her imagination, Carmy was a voracious lover. A beast, too enthusiastic and rough.
But one of his hands slowly brushed her neck before settling on her nape, as the other cupped her cheek with a softness that almost made her cry.
Carmy touched her as if she was a priceless flower he needed to handle delicately.
Then he kissed her.
He didn’t move, for a few seconds that lasted for hours. Their lips were simply interlocked in an almost chaste kiss, full of love and devotion.
He tasted like tobacco and something distinctly Carmy that she couldn’t, ironically, pinpoint.
Then he took a step back and she instantly missed his hands on her.
“Fuck…” he whispered, before leaving, almost running away.
He only took cold showers now since their kiss. The day after, both acted like nothing happened, even though, on his side, Carmy wanted to kiss her again, to taste more of her. But he refrained. And she told everyone that she and Marcus were only friends to stop the rumors.
Carmy didn’t tell anyone, and both went on with their lives.
But he started therapy, with a real therapist, to get better.
“So, what are you going to do?”
She stopped in her tracks and looked at him. Winter was over and the evenings were quite warm now. He looked at her bare arms as she stood awkwardly, looking around.
“It’s my mother’s birthday. Or it was, I suppose. I usually go to what I think would be her favorite spots and eat then go back home and watch a movie…”
“Oh… Uhm… Sorry…”
“It’s okay, you didn’t know… Have a good night.”
Carmy nodded and closed his locker as she left. He rested his forehead on the cold metal, cursing himself.
“Do you want to join me, or do I leave you to your mental breakdown?”
He jumped a little and looked at her. He didn’t hear her come back, but she didn’t look fazed by his behavior.
“Okay…”
They started with tacos. For once, he enjoyed the fact that he wasn’t the one doing the cooking and they ate as she talked about her mother. Carmy listened, trying not to stare so much at her shiny lips, or the way she smiled when she talked about her parents.
On the second spot, they ate ramen noodles and dumplings with hot sauce. She laughed at him about how red he became after tasting the spice and he secretly loved being teased by her if it meant that she was happy.
On the way to the third spot, he grabbed her hand to prevent her from being hit by a bike. She closed her fingers around his, and he basked in her glow as they walked together, hand in hand, in the streets. It felt natural as if they did that all the time. As they shared an ice cream cone, they still held hands and he wondered how her licks would feel on his feverish skin.
“You seem at peace… Calmer than before…” she said as they walked back, full of food.
“I’m going to therapy. Guess it actually helps,” he laughed, his free hand going through his hair.
“It suits you,” Sydney smiled, bumping his shoulder against hers.
“Do you want to watch a movie at my place? Nothing sexual I promise,”
“I’d love that. I hope you have snacks.”
She fell asleep ten minutes after the beginning of the movie. He didn’t mind the soft snore and the drool on his shirt.
In the morning he made her breakfast and wondered if it meant something when she pecked his lips before leaving.
It was a hot day.
The news talked about a heat wave, which happened on their day off. Which made no change for Carmy since he was working on the new menu, in the kitchen, feeling like he was going to melt in his jeans and white tee shirt.
But it was nothing compared to the heat he felt as Syd arrived at the restaurant.
She was wearing a dress with thin straps and her braids were tied up in a bun. She smiled at him, putting her bag on the floor near the door before bending over the counter to read his papers.
He could perceive the swell of her breasts as the dress clung to her sweaty skin, and he struggled to breathe in the hot kitchen.
“Are you okay, chef?” asked Sydney, cocking an eyebrow.
“No. It’s getting hot in here.”
“So, take off all your clothes,” she smiled. “Sorry, that was a shit Nelly reference.”
Carmy looked at her and breathed in, before whispering fuck it and taking off his shirt.
Sydney looked at him, breathing heavily as she took in his naked chest. And without missing a beat, she slipped off her dress, baring her body for him.
“Can I?” asked Carmy.
“Yes…”
When their first kiss had been soft, Carmy just wanting to taste her delicately, this one allowed him to unleash and show all his desire for Sydney. He grabbed her bun, his other hand bruising her hip as he crushed their lips together, using her gasp to conquer her mouth with his tongue.
Sydney was his mirror, and she matched his hunger by burying her hands in his unruly hair, pulling at it, which made him moan in her mouth. He could feel her nipples against his bare chest and one of his hands went to play with them, keeping one on her hip as his fingers played with the elastic band of her underwear.
“Take off the jeans,” she moaned, opening the buttons with a frantic energy.
Carmy realized that he might have a kink as she pulled at his hair, gave him orders, and took charge. He took off his jeans as she touched his hard-on, kissing him even harder. She pushed him on the floor, sitting on his lap as she ground her hips against his. Carmy licked his way down her mouth, sucking the delicate flesh of her neck, tasting the salty taste of her sweat, before he went down her chest and took a nipple in his mouth, enjoying the weight of it on his tongue.
“Do you care about your underwear?” he asked, going back to her mouth.
“No…”
He tore apart her underwear making her giggle and kiss him harder.
“God, Carmy… I always looked at your arms… fucking strong… I always wondered how they would feel on my skin…”
“Do you have a condom by any chance?” he asked between kisses.
“No… On the pill… I’m clean…”
“Me too… Being clean I mean…”
She giggled once more as she helped him out of his underwear. He grunted and banged his head on the station behind him as she spat in her hand and jerked him off.
“Fuck, I hoped you’d be the vocal kind… I need to hear you…” she whispered before positioning herself and sinking down on him.
Carmy swore as she rested her forehead on his, her eyes closed. He kept talking nonsense as she adjusted to his cock, and he enjoyed her wet heat. He wondered if Heaven was this.
Then she moved.
And he knew she was his Heaven.
“How does it taste?”
Carmy looked at her, as she tasted his dish. She was wearing his tee shirt, as he worked shirtless, in his underwear. They had spent an hour cleaning the kitchen and now they were back in his flat, under the AC, as he cooked for her.
“It tastes perfect… Just like home.”
And Carmy smiled, happy that she understood his cooking and the thought he poured into it.
“I love you too, Carmen.”
And Carmy’s heart exploded at the thought that he had found his soulmate, in some way, thanks to Michael.