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“Killua, put the spatula down!”
A sneaky grin worms its way across Killua’s face as he locks eyes with Gon and licks a sugary dollop of icing off the tip of the spatula. As much as it should annoy Gon, he can’t help but laugh. The laugh quickly turns into a gasp, and he lurches across the kitchen to snatch the spatula out of Killua’s hand.
“Were you seriously about to put it back in there?” Gon sends his best friend a disapproving grimace as he tosses the contaminated utensil into the sink and hands him a clean one. “Nasty.”
“Who’re you calling nasty?” Killua sniffs. He turns his attention back to the mixture, and Gon can’t help but watch suspiciously out of the corner of his eye. That icing is a very important part of the gingerbread cookie decorating they have planned for tomorrow,
“ You ,” Alluka says. “We don’t want to feast on your mouth germs, brother.”
“My mouth is perfectly clean,” Killua huffs, flapping a hand dismissively. “Besides, the oven heat will cook it out or something.”
Alluka frowns. “That’s icing you’re making. It’s not going in the oven.”
“I knew that,” Killua says.
They all know he’s lying. Even though Killua is incredibly smart in every other aspect of life, making food is where that intelligence stops.
“Sure you did.”
For several seconds, Killua and Alluka make faces at each other, a mixture of tongues sticking out and rolling eyes, and Gon watches them with unrestrained giddiness. Really, Gon’s focus should be on the vegetables he’s chopping for their dinner, but it’s been so long since he’s seen Killua that he can’t keep his eyes away for more than a second. It’s been three years since their last visit, and even after two days of being reunited, Gon’s counting the ways Killua’s changed.
This time, Gon decided to meet Killua where he and Alluka are staying, which is a small mountain village. It’s perfect, because Gon never gets a snowy Winter Solstice on Whale Island, and Killua’s never experienced Winter Solstice celebrations. The cozy, two-story wood cabin they’re staying in is perfect for holiday activities, and Gon’s made sure to stuff as much into the trip as possible.
As soon as he arrived, he’d hung a wreath on the door, garlands over the fireplace and the stair’s handrail, and strung up bright lights all around the living room and kitchen. It doesn’t take much to get the place looking festive, since the main living area, entryway, and stairs are all essentially in the same room. The upstairs bedrooms are completely bare of decoration, but that’s fine. It’s not like they do anything up there other than sleeping.
Suddenly, Killua turns narrow eyes and a pointed finger at Gon. “I still don’t know why you’re calling me nasty. You’ll eat the weirdest shit straight off the forest floor.”
“Yeah, but I’m making that decision for myself. You were about to make a bunch of innocent villagers eat your spit. And Aunt Mito! Aunt Mito , Killua.”
Realization passes over Killua’s face instantly, and his blue eyes widen in horror.
“Shit.”
Alluka hums. “Poor Mito. She has no idea what she just narrowly escaped.”
Another cutting glare is sent her way.
“But don’t worry, Killua,” Gon says, hoping to break up their mean-mugging battle. “If it was just me, I’d happily eat your spit.”
Killua’s head snaps back at Gon with neck breaking speed. “ Eh ?!”
Even Alluka’s jaw drops, but weirdly, her focus is zeroed in on Killua’s face. Which is rapidly turning red.
A grin breaks out on Gon’s face. Killua’s so cute when he blushes. It’s something he’s missed seeing; video calls on his slow internet connection don’t pick up that much detail.
“What do– what are you saying?” Killua sputters.
Gon shrugs, his grin stretching wider. “Your spit isn’t gross to me?”
“I–” Killua tries, but falters, blinking with his mouth hung open. He shakes his head. “You have no idea what that sounded like, so I’ll just put it like this: never say that again.”
“Huh?” Gon tilts his head. “Why not?”
“Because it’s fucking embarrassing !”
And even though Gon doesn’t get what’s so embarrassing, or what he possibly could have sounded like, he can’t stop the laughter that bursts out of him. Some things never change, and he’s happy this is one of them.
Things take a turn for the confusing the next day, while they’re in the middle of decorating gingerbread cookies. Half a dozen are being shipped back to Whale Island for Mito and Abe, two dozen will be delivered to the other townsfolk further down the mountain, and the rest will stay at home and be devoured over the course of the holiday if Killua doesn’t eat them all within an hour. At this point, he’s already ‘snuck’ three (‘snuck’ being used loosely considering the poor attempt he made to hide the crumbs coating the edges of his lips).
“I’m surprised by how good these are,” Killua says, a smug, sated smile on his face. “The ginger is gross and unnecessary, but so long as there’s enough icing to cover that up, they’re pretty damn tasty.”
Gon cuts him an unimpressed stare.
“What?” Killua grins.
Alluka sighs, not even bothering to lift her gaze from the cookie she’s squeezing piped icing onto. “Leave it to you to find something to complain about even when you can’t stop yourself from devouring the damn things.”
“It’s called constructive feedback,” Killua says. Gon watches his long, delicate fingers place gumdrops and sprinkles in an ornate design. There’s something oddly wholesome about it, and it makes Gon’s heart squeeze.
Seeing Killua again after so long is a treat in itself. Getting to involve him in his own Winter Solstice traditions is something else entirely. There’s not a single doubt in Gon’s mind that Killua and Alluka were deprived of the joy and whimsy of holiday fun. In fact, he could imagine anything of the sort being heavily discouraged to the point of punishment should it be discovered by the Zoldycks. Never, in the entirety of their five years of friendship, has Gon regretted his decision to snatch Killua from that awful place.
It’s not even something Gon thinks about often, but in moments like this when Killua’s guards are completely lowered and he’s lost in a simple pleasure like cookie decorating, it all comes rushing back. The emptiness in Killua’s gaze when he reverted to his assassin mode, the bandaged fresh wounds marring his skin, the detached humor he’d lean on when talking about his family. If there’s one thing Gon can be proud of himself for, out of all the things he’s done in his eighteen years of existence, it’s marching up to Zoldyck Manor. Had he not done that, there wouldn’t be a best friend to make gingerbread cookies with. No, he’s certain he never would have seen Killua again.
“Why’re you staring at me like that?” Killua’s voice shocks Gon into the present, slapping the cheery holiday tunes on the cabin’s old radio and the saccharine scent of icing back to his senses like a splash of warm water.
And then there’s Killua’s saltlake eyes, framed by wild, white waves and pointed straight at him, narrowed with suspicion and an undercurrent of concern. Something in Gon’s chest loosens and softens, sinking right through his ribcage into the bottom of his stomach. Gon starts to smile.
Before he even says anything, Killua’s eyes turn wide with alarm. “Don’t– Wait, don’t–”
“I love you, Killua,” Gon says, relishing in the warmth that grows and threatens to burst out of him when a cherry red blush rises to Killua’s cheeks.
“St–”
“You’re my best friend. And the best cookie decorator.”
Killua blinks several times, eyes darting between Gon and his sister, who’s holding back laughter behind her palm. His mouth opens and shuts twice, but nothing comes out.
“He is the best cookie decorator,” Alluka affirms, a mischievous grin pointed right at him. She leans over and flicks a crumb off Killua’s mottled cheek. “He even managed to decorate himself with the cookie.”
Killua’s shock transforms into a flat glare, which he turns on Alluka before throwing a handful of sprinkles at her. She squeals and cackles, rearing back and taking cover beneath the table before his next assault. The second she’s out of range, Killua turns his attention back to Gon, throwing the green and red sprinkles at him instead.
“ Killua !” Gon laughs, reaching out blindly to try to stop him, and ending up with a mouthful of sugar instead. “Why me?”
“Because you’re both fucking embarrassing,” Killua grunts. “Why do y–”
His words are cut short when Alluka slaps a palm-sized dollop of icing across his cheek.
Killua gasps, “ WHAT THE FUCK ? No you didn’t.”
Gon barely has the chance to stop Killua as he launches himself out of his chair to chase after her, but he somehow times the tackle just right and they land on the red-tiled floor with an oomph . He laughs and tightens his grip around Killua’s shoulders as he thrashes around, trying to escape.
“Let me at her!” Killua demands, his voice the picture of outrage, but the thrilled grin splitting his face gives him away. “Gon, let me go!”
“No way,” Gon giggles, reaching over to a pile of sprinkles on the floor and dropping them over the icing coating Killua’s cheek.
Burning blue eyes snap onto him, flashing dangerously as Killua wipes some of the sprinkled icing off his face. “Traitor!”
“We were never on the same t–”
He’s cut off by a cold, mushy hand to the nose, the sweet smell of sugar so intense and sudden it makes his stomach churn. Gon blinks his eyes open and sees nothing but white, red, and green in his peripheral.
His eyes lock with Killua’s, empty with resigned seriousness. “You’re dead.”
That’s the last thing either of them says before they’re set off in a match to the death, wrestling in each other's grasp to get the upper hand and reach for more ammo. Just like any other time, it’s a nen-free competition. With Killua’s Hatsu out of the way, Gon’s strength is his advantage while Killua’s speed is impossible to keep up with. The moment Killua kicks a leg out to attempt a quick get away, Gon adjusts his grips and bears down, keeping him locked in place. But when Gon’s focus fades for even a second to reach for a bowl of icing, Killua’s quick to take advantage and gain better positioning. He can’t even try to out-strategize Killua, not when they know each other's tricks better than the back of their hands.
They’re so focused on the wrestling match, they don’t even notice Alluka milling about the room, doing god knows what. Making a cup of tea? Gon thinks he heard the kettle switch on. And a chair being pushed around. That doesn’t matter, though. The only thing that matters is beating Killua in…whatever this is.
An indeterminable amount of time passes before their concentration is slightly broken by Alluka’s very loud, purposeful throat clearing. They both glance at the noise, finding her curled up on the couch in front of the flickering fireplace with a steaming mug in her hands. At some point, they managed to roll their way under the threshold connecting the kitchen and living room.
In unison, they both rush to take advantage of each other's momentary distraction, ending up in a deadlock once again.
Alluka sighs. Clears her throat again, louder this time.
They ignore her, grunting and wriggling with Gon’s arms latched around Killua’s shoulders and Killua’s legs kicking at Gon’s legs.
“Excuse me,” she says, her tone impatient and bored. “Excuse me, gentlemen.”
“ What ?” Killua finally snaps.
“You’ll notice there’s something above your heads.”
Immediately, their attention whips to the ceiling.
“It’s… a plant,” Killua says dully.
“Mistletoe?” Gon tilts his head and squints at the small bundle of red berries surrounded by green leaves hanging in the center of the archway. “Is that mistletoe? I didn’t put that–”
“Indeed, it is mistletoe,” Alluka affirms gravely.
“Eh? So ?” Killua asks. “Gon, why’d you put a houseplant on the ceiling, and why the fuck am I supposed to care?”
Gon turns back to Killua with a grin. He can’t believe Killua’s never heard of mistletoe! Actually, that’s a lie, he can believe it considering Killua knew none of this stuff before Gon.
“It’s another holiday thing, Killua!” Gon giggles at the blank look Killua gives him. “If you stand under mistletoe with someone else, you have to kiss them.”
He watches as Killua’s eyes go from squinting confusion, to blinking, wide panic. “ Huh ?!”
“It’s Winter Solstice law,” Alluka says. “You have to do it.”
“Wh– Wha–” Killua sputters, eyes flashing between Gon, Alluka, and the offending plant. “But we’re not standing!”
Gon bursts into laughter.
“The ‘standing’ part is just semantics,” Alluka explains. “You’re underneath mistletoe, which means–” She draws out the last word before making lip-smacking noises. “Pucker up.”
For a drawn out moment, Gon and Killua lock eyes. Killua’s lying beneath him, his hair sprawled out around him like a halo, clumpe of dried up icing and sprinkles smeared around his alabaster skin. His eyes are round with fear, but there’s something else there that Gon can’t seem to pick out, something he hasn’t ever seen before in Killua’s plethora of expressions. The closest thing he can relate it to is the way he’s seen Killua look at a chocolate sundae, but that doesn’t seem quite right either, because something about this feels dangerous. At least, that’s what the goosebumps forming on the back of Gon’s neck are telling him.
A sharp intake of breath draws Gon’s attention to Killua’s mouth, and just like that, he’s drowning. Drowning in a hot spring, every inch of skin prickling with heat as his ears whoosh with all the blood rushing to his head. Drowning because… because of Killua’s gasp? Or is it his mouth? Gon traces the edges of Killua’s lips with his gaze. He’s never noticed the bow of his upper lip before, or how its plumpness just slightly outweighs the bottom one. There’s the slightest dimple in the middle of the bottom lip where it dips, and Gon’s struck by the confusing desire to feel it with the tip of his tongue. The thought alone lights a spark in his belly and turns his cheeks hot, and he finds himself leaning closer without even trying—
“Hah!” A sharp, awkward laugh bursts from Killua as he makes use of Gon’s distraction and scrambles out from underneath him, standing and backing away with his hands stuffed in the front pocket of his hoodie. “Yeah, there’s– that’s no– I mean, that’s not gonna happen, obviously.”
Gon blinks up at him, heart still in his throat. It’s only now that Gon notices, with immense curiosity, the way the rest of his body reacted. As much as he wants to chase after Killua, lying on his front is a good idea until other parts of him calm down. He doesn’t let that stop him from protesting, though.
“Why not?”
Alluka sips her tea with wide eyes and Killua looks at Gon like he has five heads. “Why not what ?”
“Why won’t it happen? And why is it obvious?”
Killua’s forehead wrinkles. “You know we’re talking about us kissing , right?”
Gon nods. “Yeah, what’s the problem with that?”
Killua’s whole body sags, and he looks over at Alluka helplessly. She shrugs. “What is the problem, Killua?”
“You’re both trolling me,” Killua grumbles, rolling his eyes and turning leave. “I’m gonna shower. Clean up that fucking mess so we can finish the damn cookies.”
Watching Killua’s retreating figure, his long, muscular legs quickly crossing the room to the stairs, Gon can’t help but take note of the disappointment sinking in his stomach and wonder what it all means.
A fresh foot of snow covers the ground overnight, reflecting early morning sunlight off white-covered trees into the second-story windows and waking Gon not long after dawn. It’s for the best; they have a lot of ground to cover if they’re going to deliver all the cookies to the village before sundown. Even with the snowboots Gon made sure to pack, trudging down and up the mountain through fresh snow will slow them down.
Of course, Killua wasn’t thrilled with the early rise. If he had it his way, they wouldn’t be getting up until noon.
Tightening the scarf around his neck and tucking the tails into his coat, Gon walks downstairs to the living room to find Killua stuffing his feet into a pair of boots. His movements are sloppy with sleepiness and jerky with annoyance.
Gon smirks. “Ready?”
An unintelligible grumble is all Killua gives in response.
Gon looks around the room. “Where’s Alluka?”
“She’s not feeling well,” he mumbles. “I don’t want her out in the cold if she’s coming down with something.”
“Oh yeah. That’s fair. Do we need to get her some medicine while we’re out?”
“Nah, we made sure to grab all that stuff when we got this place.”
Gon hums. “I feel bad she can’t come with us. Maybe we can find something nice to bring back for her.”
Killua snorts. “We can try, but I’m telling ya, the village doesn’t have much. We brought most of our stuff in from the city.”
“We’ll find something,” Gon says, slipping his gloves on and opening the front door.
The air stings Gon’s face as he walks out into the cold, attaching the basket of cookies to a sled they found in the storage shed. As much as Gon loves the snow, he’s not used to freezing temperatures. Thankfully it isn’t windy, and the sun helps balance out some of the bite, keeping his joints from locking up beneath all his layers of clothing.
It’s a long hike, just as Gon suspected, the fresh snow and bulky gear slowing their movements. But it’s beautiful seeing the world around them blanketed in white, dark green cedar trees standing out stark against it. The forest is silent except for the sound of their crunching footsteps and the drag of the sled.
Ever since yesterday, Killua’s been quieter than usual. Gon doesn’t think much of it, though. Killua tends to be a bit introspective in the mornings, and last night he was probably just tired after all the cookie decorating.
The silence is welcome in Gon’s eyes, anyway. It’s kind of meditative, like he could focus on his aura and work on his Zetsu. That’s what he would do if he could get his mind to shut up about the mistletoe stuff from yesterday. For some reason, his thoughts are stuck on that feeling he got in his stomach at the idea of kissing Killua.
It’s not a totally foreign feeling for Gon. He knows what it means, at least. There have been moments in the past when he’s felt ghosts of that burning breathlessness in the pit of his belly, usually from a racy dream or if it’s been a while since he’s had some ‘alone time’. He even felt a slighter, subdued version of it a long time ago, on his date with Palm. That was different, though. The warm fuzziness he got from making a pretty woman happy, from a flirty exchange of batting eyelashes and gentle touches to his bicep… it’s a drop in the ocean compared to what he felt yesterday.
And the most concerning part is it all happened from… from being close to Killua? From the idea of kissing him? Then there’s the disappointment he felt when Killua rejected the idea. How can Gon be let down by Killua refusing to kiss him when he didn’t even know he liked the idea in the first place?
Does he like Killua like that? It isn’t something he’s ever thought about before. Gon’s never liked anyone enough to want to lick their lips. Not with that type of desperation, at least.
Killua is attractive, but that’s like saying the sky is blue. It’s a known fact, a belief cemented in Gon’s mind since the day they met. Killua’s always been pretty, and the older they get, the more handsome he becomes. His body has filled out the growth spurt he went through a few years ago, and some of the baby fat in his cheeks melted away, bringing out a sharper jawline and cheekbones.
But does that make him into Killua just because he can acknowledge an objective truth?
There’s a lot of love in his heart for Killua, that’s for sure. That’s also been true pretty much since the day they met, and it’s only grown since. It’s a different kind of love, though, than the kind Gon’s seen between romantic partners or spouses (even though Alluka constantly claims they bicker like they’re married). At least, it was different. Is it still?
Ugh. This is why Gon hates thinking. He’s giving himself a headache going around in circles, and this would all be solved if he could just kiss Killua and figure it out that way.
Thankfully, dropping off the cookies around the village gives him a little reprieve. Every person they talk to is welcoming, kind, and overenthusiastic about the gift, and it’s the perfect distraction and mood-lifter. An adorable older woman bundled up in layers of wool gives Gon a handmade silver necklace with a pearl-sized rose quartz embedded in the middle, which he immediately pockets to bring back for Alluka. Even Killua, who was annoyed about waking up early and having to share their sweets with others, is in brighter spirits by the time they start the hike back up the mountain. But the second they’re in those woods again, Gon’s brain is back on its ruminating.
“Your thoughts are really loud,” Killua says, jolting Gon out of his daze.
“Huh? Oh, sorry,” Gon sighs.
“The hell are you thinking about anyway? The only time I see you like this is when you’re about to fight someone. It’s freaking me out.”
Gon frowns at the smirk Killua sends him.
He presses his lips together, worrying them a bit between his teeth. All he wants to do is tell Killua what’s on his mind, maybe try to convince him that kissing would be a good idea, but after Killua’s clear distaste towards the idea yesterday, he’s hesitant. If he ruins Killua’s lightened mood already, he’ll be kicking himself for the rest of the day.
So all he says is, “It’s nothing.”
Killua stops dead in his tracks. It takes Gon a second to realize it, and he does a double take at the look of pure shock and concern on Killua’s face.
“What?” Gon asks.
Those ocean blue eyes are narrowed at him, searching him from head to toe and probably running a billion calculations behind them.
“ It’s nothing ?” Killua repeats.
Gon scratches his cheek. “Yeah.”
“Are you unwell ?” Killua asks, taking a step closer to touch the back of his hand to Gon’s forehead.
“I’m fine,” Gon huffs.
The wrinkles on Killua’s forehead double. “You’re fine? What the fuck is this? Did we enter an alternate dimension? Since when do you play the ‘it’s nothing, I’m fine’ card?”
Gon rolls his eyes. “You’re being dramatic.”
“I’m being dramatic?” Killua repeats, this time with irritation. “The one and only time you shut me out, it ended up with you on death’s door. Excuse me for being concerned.”
Red guilt slices through Gon, bringing a grimace to his face. He hadn’t even thought of that, the way his avoidance could look to Killua. It isn’t like him to hold back. But what would Killua be more upset by? His avoidance or his desire to kiss him?
“Look, I’m sorry,” Gon says, trying for a middle ground. “It’s not like that, I promise. It’s nothing that... serious. I’m just trying to think before I do something stupid for once.”
Killua’s eyebrows flick. “That’s… I don’t know what to do with that.”
Gon shrugs. “It’s what you’re always telling me to do.”
“And what, you woke up and decided to take my advice after six years of me repeating it like a broken record?”
“I– Yes ,” Gon blows his cheeks out with a breath of frustration. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
For several long moments, Killua stares at him with uncertainty lacing his features.
“Promise me,” he finally says, shucking off his glove and sticking his pinky out in the frigid air between them. “Promise me that if you’re thinking anything serious or dangerous or… or sad, something that could make you do something fucking stupid again, you’ll tell me. Now or ever. You’ll let me help.”
Swallowing around the tightness in his throat, Gon nods. He really didn’t expect for his spaciness to worry Killua like this, and it aches heavily in his chest. He slips off his glove and links pinkies with Killua, chanting the most sacred of promises and sealing it with a kiss–just not the kind he’s silently begging for.
They barely manage to outrace the shortened daylight hours, the sky a watercolor painting of burned orange and magenta as they walk through the front door of the cabin. The stairs are right in front of the entryway and Alluka pads out of her bedroom to the landing, wrapped up in a blanket, and stops there to wave hello. She’s careful to stay put, keeping her distance, despite Gon and Killua’s insistence they won’t get sick. Even if they caught whatever she has, a cold isn’t the worst thing they could go through.
But Alluka’s only interest right now is resting, so they make sure she’s taken care of before settling down for the evening. Gon prepares a bowl of hot soup, which Killua delivers up the stairs to her bedroom door on a tray with a cup of hot tea, the rose quartz necklace laying delicately next to it. Alluka’s sound of glee can be heard from downstairs when she discovers the necklace, and it warms Gon to the bone.
There are no predetermined plans for their evening besides staying warm in front of the fireplace, and Gon is perfectly fine with that. After all the brooding he’s done today, he’s completely exhausted. Is this why Killua needs to sleep in? This thinking business is hard work.
As soon as his butt connects with the soft couch cushions in front of the fireplace, Killua calls to him from the front door, “Oi, Gon. Help me with something real quick?”
Releasing a tired groan, Gon climbs back to his feet and grabs his boots and coat. That look of concern is back on Killua’s face when he turns to follow him outside, the same one he’s been throwing Gon’s way all day long whenever he does anything besides yapping happily.
The air is frigid when Gon steps outside, no longer tempered by the sun which has long since dropped below the horizon. There’s a full moon rising through the sky tonight, the only thing besides the orange glow from the cabin’s window helping light a snow-covered forest clearing.
It’s pretty, but… it’s cold . And Killua’s just crouched there, in the snow. He’s facing away from Gon, and it looks like he’s inspecting something on the ground.
Gon’s teeth chatter a little as he shuts the door behind him and takes a few steps closer. “What is it?”
Killua hums, and it piques his curiosity further.
He’s almost arm’s reach from Killua when Gon says, “What did y–”
And is cut off with a face full of freezing, powdery snow. It’s such a deep shock to the system that, for a moment, Gon can do nothing but stand there and stutter in a gasp as flakes of ice fall down around the top of his scarf, biting the warm skin of his neck.
Finally, his brain reboots, and he finds Killua diving behind a bush. “ Killua !”
“Gon!”
“Why would you–”
He’s cut off by yet another snowball to the face, and this time it boils his blood with irritation so strong, he doesn’t even feel the cold anymore. No, the only thing he feels is the hot determination to make Killua regret the day he was born.
And apparently, Killua didn’t expect Gon to snap out of his shock so soon, because he lets out a shriek of surprise when Gon comes barreling around the bushes to tackle him into the snow.
“FUCK!” Killua screams when a handful of snow is shoved down the collar of his coat. “W-Wait, Gon!”
And even though he’s begging Gon to get off him, there’s a bright grin on his face and his belly laughter is all the motivation Gon needs to keep going. Just when Gon thinks he’s about to officially surrender, Killua hooks an arm around his neck and pulls him down until their noses are a hair’s breadth apart. The proximity shocks a burst of excitement in Gon’s stomach so suddenly it throws him off, giving Killua the perfect opportunity to roll them over and dart away.
“Get back here!” Gon shouts.
“Fuck no,” Killua snickers.
Laughter and the crunch of footsteps through snow fills the quiet night around them as Gon chases after him, and he’s almost close enough to reach out and snag the back of his coat when Killua spins around and crouches low, barreling his shoulders into Gon’s gut to take him down. White powder explodes around them as they hit the ground with an oof, and it feels like Gon’s lying in a cocoon of ice, but he can’t stop cackling and shrieking as Killua uses the opportunity to straddle his waist and shove snow down his coat.
“K-Killua, s-st-stop!” Gon gasps, breathless both from the cold and from laughing and running around. His teeth are chattering nonstop now, and he drags Killua closer by the shoulders in an attempt to find some warmth. “F-f-free-eezing–”
“W-why are you p-pulling me closer then?” Killua laughs, trying to wrench himself out of Gon’s stiff grasp. “L-let go!”
“Y-you’re warm,” Gon grins.
“No I’m n-not, weirdo,” Killua says, but then he leans in closer until he’s practically laying on Gon, his shuddering breath close enough to feel on his cheek. “You are, th-though.”
It’s unbelievably cold, but the weight of Killua’s body on him is too good to pass up, their combined body heat taking the edge off just enough to make it bearable. So rather than put an end to this rare moment of closeness, Gon tightens his arms around Killua’s back to pull them flush. Normally, he would expect Killua to shove away, maybe call him embarrassing, but Killua must be enjoying the added warmth too much to complain.
And then Killua shocks Gon completely when he burrows his cold nose underneath Gon’s jaw, right up against his pulse point. It’s so strangely intimate Gon’s heart leaps, his body igniting in a wave of heat.
“I missed hearing you laugh,” Killua whispers so quietly against his neck, he would’ve missed it if the air around them wasn’t dead silent.
“What do you mean?” Gon asks quietly. “I’m always laughing.”
“But you didn’t today,” Killua says, and…
Is that true? Has he really not laughed at all today? Now that Gon thinks about it, he can’t remember laughing. Not since yesterday, when they rolled around on the kitchen floor with icing-covered faces. It’s a strange realization, knowing he’s gone more than a day without laughing; that hasn’t happened in a while. But the real shock is that Killua noticed. Killua noticed before Gon did, and he orchestrated a whole snowball fight, endured the harsh cold, just to get Gon to laugh.
He shouldn’t be shocked. It’s just like Killua to notice something like that and put himself through discomfort to make it all better.
“Thank you,” Gon says. Because it’s the only thing he can think to say that sums up everything he’s feeling right now.
Killua pulls away from Gon’s neck, his fluffy hair tickling Gon’s cheek on the way. His eyes match the midnight sky behind him as they stare down, wide and blinking. “For what?”
A grin forms slowly on Gon’s face. “For being the best friend I could ever have.”
Even though he wants more than that. Even though being this close to Killua is testing every bit of self control he possesses, the small space between their lips looking easier to cross by the second. Especially when Killua’s face darkens to what he’s sure would be a beautiful shade of pink, if there was enough light to see properly.
With a disgruntled murmur, Killua pushes up to his feet, tromping back to the house. Probably going on about Gon being embarrassing, no doubt, but Gon’s too focused on the brutal cold that encompasses to care.
By the time he scrambles to his feet and runs through the front door, Killua’s already stripping off his sodden clothing at the foot of the stairs. It’s enough to stop Gon dead in his tracks.
Every article that falls to the floor in a wet smack reveals more of Killua’s skin, rosy from the cold and covered in goosebumps, his muscles flexing and trembling as they try to heat up. If he’s noticed Gon, he hasn’t said anything. Which is for the best, because he can’t bring himself to pick up his jaw or divert his eyes.
Time has done Killua well, that’s for sure. He’s certainly not bulky like Gon, but maturity has filled out his frame more, giving his tall figure a graceful build. Gon’s eyes track the movement of Killua’s back muscles as he works to remove his pants, and the moment he begins to peel them away, revealing the pale, smooth skin of his thighs, Gon lurches to cross the living room, planning to put distance between them as well as distract himself with keeping the fire going.
Killua’s gaze is heavy on his back the entire time he busies himself by adding a few fresh logs to the flames. “You’re tracking water everywhere, you know.”
“Yeah, but it’s cold,” Gon says, clearing some of the gravel out of his voice. “The fire needed more wood.”
“It’s cold because you left the door open, idiot,” Killua says.
“Oh. Oops,” Gon chuckles, refusing to turn back around. His heart has somehow climbed into his throat, and the heat in his cheeks is only partially caused by the fire he’s prodding with a poker.
An exasperated sigh is all he gets in response, and then Killua’s moving up the stairs, which he only knows because the steps are insanely creaky, despite his silent gait. Releasing a long breath, Gon finally turns around, double checking the coast is clear before removing his own sopping clothes. The frigid cling of it against his skin was enough to keep his body’s reactions in check, but there’s no saying if that would’ve changed the second he removed them. Especially if Killua was still there. Completely nude.
Just the thought makes Gon’s skin heat. He sighs at himself and tries to distract his brain by thinking up plans for tomorrow. Anything to keep him from popping a boner in the middle of the living room.
And thank heavens for that, because the stairs creak again as Killua climbs back down them, dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie with a bundle of clothes tucked under in his arm.
“Dumb, noisy fuckin’ stairs,” he grumbles. Even though he doesn’t make use of most of his assassin skills anymore, Killua always gets annoyed when things outside of his control announce his movements. He says it’s for safety reasons, but Gon thinks it’s because Killua enjoys watching people jump out of their skin when he appears soundlessly behind them.
“Catch,” Killua nods at Gon before tossing a tshirt and sweats his way. Another thing to be thankful for, because while Gon (usually) doesn’t care about being naked in front of Killua, the thought of Alluka accidentally seeing him walking around upstairs like that is enough to make his skin crawl.
The gray sweatpants are barely even halfway up his ass when he’s startled by the sight of Killua within arm’s length, crouched down below him. He quickly pulls the pants the rest of the way up and ties them, about to ask Killua what he’s doing, and it’s then he realizes he’s just picking up Gon’s discarded, wet clothes.
His shock must be written all over his face, because when Killua rises to his full height, dripping clothes held out gingerly in front of him, he gives Gon an assessing look. “You good? You look like you just saw a ghost.”
Gon rolls his eyes. “I didn’t realize… I thought you were still on the other side of the room. But then you were here. And my dick…”
Killua’s brows shoot up to his hairline. “And your dick?” His eyes briefly flick down. The slow drip of their wadded up laundry on the hardwood floor is unbearably loud to Gon’s ears.
“Well, I barely had my pants on,” Gon finishes lamely.
Killua’s face pinches in confusion. “Okay? And?”
“I just–,” Gon shakes his head. Maybe telling your best friend it looked like they were about to suck your dick isn’t the right move. “Nevermind. I was startled.”
Satisfaction brings a smirk to Killua’s face, because of course he’d be pleased with himself for sneaking up on Gon. “Alright,” he says, retreating to the kitchen with the soiled laundry.
A long exhale depletes from Gon’s lungs as he slumps onto the worn-in flannel sofa, scrubbing his face with his palms. What is actually wrong with him? Why is his brain turning into hot gas every time he’s around Killua? Actually, it’s pretty obvious why , but is this what happens to everyone when they have a crush? They just turn stupid and second guess every thought and interaction?
The couch cushion shifts slightly, and he turns to find Killua curling up next to him, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in hand. Killua leans back, stretching his feet towards the heat of the fireplace, flexing his toes as they warm. The stretch causes his navy sweatpants to drop a little, exposing a small sliver of pasty skin and a trail of white hair.
Gon quickly turns his attention back to the fire, staring intently at it and fiddling with a loose thread on the upholstery.
A long suffering sigh is the only warning he gets before Killua’s arm stretches over the back of the couch to pinch him on the back of the neck.
“Ow! Killu–”
“What’s your deal?” Killua’s voice is pitched lower than usual, which means Gon is screwed. He only ever uses this tone when he’s had enough nonsense. “Seriously. Tell me. It’s driving me fucking insane watching you squirm and jump over the smallest things.”
“I don–”
“Did I do something? Did I piss you off somehow?” Killua’s fingers tap the side of his mug rhythmically. “If I did something to hurt you, you should tell me. Fuck sake– We can handle being honest with each other, right?”
Gon winces. Usually they can handle being honest with each other, but this… this is new territory. And it’s not that Gon’s hurt , but–
Wait. Isn’t he, though?
Afterall, this entire thing started when Killua downright refused to kiss him. As if it was a disgusting, unacceptable thought to entertain. And maybe that’s why Gon’s all twisted in knots–because he’s never felt the sharp sting of Killua’s rejection before. It’s not something he’s dying to experience again.
That doesn’t matter though. Not when Killua deserves his honesty, because it’s what he’d expect in return.
The decision settles in Gon’s stomach, and he shifts around until his body faces Killua head-on, crossing his legs pretzel-style. Something like relief settles across Killua’s face, and he turns to mirror Gon, giving him his full attention. His eyebrows flick, a nod for Gon to ‘ go ahead ’.
Even though his heart has displaced itself in his ears, Gon trudges forward. “I am hurt.”
“Okay,” Killua says slowly. “Was it something I said or did?”
“Yeah,” Gon nods. “Did. Or– didn’t do?”
Confusion twists Killua’s face. “What do you–”
“Why wouldn’t you kiss me?” Gon blurts.
Shock hits Killua’s face like a slap, and for a moment he just stares at Gon with wide, unblinking eyes. And then his face blooms red, the blush amplified by the fire’s warm hues cast across his features. At first it’s cute, but that changes when irritation turns his expression tight.
“Are you serious?” Killua huffs. “ That’s what this is about?”
“Yes!”
“Leave it to you to not fucking get it,” Killua grumbles, thrusting a hand through his hair in frustration and leaving his white waves adorably ruffled.
“Get what ?”
For a moment, Killua levels him with the most baffled are-you-an-idiot look he can muster; his eyebrows drawn together, eyes narrowed, and mouth hung slightly ajar. And then he scoffs. “Oh I don’t know, that we don’t have to take on every fucking dare that gets thrown our way? Especially when it involves something like that– I mean, do you not see how fucking weird that would be? To kiss me?”
“No,” Gon says simply. And for a moment, Killua’s face blanks. But only for a moment.
“What do you mean no ?” He hisses.
“I don’t see how it would be weird to kiss you,” Gon says. It’s the most truthful admission he’s made in days, but his heart is still banging against his ribcage like it’s trying to make an emergency exit. “In fact, I think it’s weird that you are so against kissing me .”
Killua blinks, his face turning a shade darker, and he quickly turns to watch the fireplace. “That’s not weird,” he mumbles. “Friends don’t kiss each other.”
With Killua’s attention elsewhere, Gon takes the opportunity to trace over the sharp lines of his profile, the long span of his lashes, the soft pout of his lips. His gaze fixes there. “Why not?”
“Because, you–” Killua shifts a little, purses his lips. “Usually people only kiss someone they like as more than a friend.”
Gon’s head tilts. “Have you kissed someone before?”
His answer is quick, “No.”
“So how do you know that?”
“I just do, Gon,” Killua sighs, shaking his head. He raises the mug to his lips, only to realize it’s already empty, and he sighs again as he places it on the ground. “I’d only kiss someone I really liked…”
That last bit cuts through him like a blade, because to Gon, it sounds like Killua is saying he doesn’t like him that way–
“And so should you,” Killua finishes. As if Gon doesn’t like him.
A twinge of annoyance pinches Gon’s chest. It’s just like Killua to assume he already knows what Gon’s thinking and feeling. He can’t allow that.
Red determination finds its home deep in Gon’s bones, and he sits up straighter. “Well, I really like you, Killua.”
“You–” Killua halts midthought, his brain visibly rebooting as he whips his gaze back at Gon. “Huh?”
“You heard me,” Gon says.
The halfhearted chuckle that comes out of Killua’s mouth is brimming with anxious energy. “No, I don’t think I did.”
“I like you,” Gon repeats, letting it hang in the air for several moments as Killua manages to do nothing but stare with his mouth ajar. “I– I’m sorry if that’s weird, if it makes you uncomfortable, but I don’t think I could keep it a secret much longer without causing problems.”
“Wait,” Killua breathes. “You’re serious?”
“Why would I joke about–”
“No I mean,” Killua’s eyes squeeze shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “What do you mean by that? I mean, we’re best friends, so of course you like me–”
“Not like that, Killua,” Gon says calmly, even though his patience is running thin. Leave it to Killua to think Gon has no idea what he’s talking about. “More than that.”
“More–” Killua’s lips work silently around the word several times, as if he’s never heard it used that way before. He tears his gaze away from Gon. “More… how? In– In what way?”
It requires every bit of strength to keep his confidence from waning, because he has no idea what’s going through Killua’s head right now. Gon is essentially ripping himself wide open, leaving himself vulnerable to more rejection, but something about the way Killua’s face is reddening tells him to keep going.
So he takes a leap, reaching out to slip his fingers through the hand resting in Killua’s lap. His face heats when Killua’s wide eyes land on him.
“More in the, ah,” Gon clears the gravel in his throat. “In the kissing way. Like, I want to. Kiss you. Because you’re– well, you’re a lot of things, but lately I can’t stop thinking of how pretty you are.”
There’s a small skip in Killua’s breath, his fingers tightening minutely around Gon’s. His gaze flicks down to Gon’s lips for a fraction of a second, heating his blood more efficiently than the fireplace.
But it’s brief as Killua quickly schools his face. “That’s– embarrassing, that’s so–”
“But it’s true,” Gon says, counting it a win Killua hasn’t ripped his hand away or shoved him off the couch yet. He takes another careful step by slowly moving their intertwined hands over to his own lap, cupping his free hand around the back of Killua’s to effectively sandwich it. The move drags Killua towards him by just an inch, and his blue eyes once again snap down to Gon’s mouth. “Killua’s very pretty.”
He sees the moment Killua’s eyelids turn heavy, and his arms break out in goosebumps.
Killua swallows, but his voice is still weak when he asks, “How can a man be pretty?”
“I don’t know,” Gon chuckles, his eyes taking in the juxtaposition of sharp and delicate features on Killua’s face, and shrugs. “You just are. Actually, you always have been, but… You’re really handsome, too.”
“Handsome?” Killua smirks. “That’s some shit my mom used to call me.”
Gon rolls his eyes, but then he pins Killua with a devious smile. “I bet she didn’t call you hot.”
Disgust twists Killua’s features. “Ew, of course she didn’t. Why would she–”
“Well you are,” Gon says through a grin.
The blush returns to Killua’s face with a vengeance, spreading to his ears and neck. That sight alone sends a bolt of desire through Gon, and he leans into it, curiosity driving his next words.
“That’s why I could barely look at you a minute ago, when you were changing out of your clothes.”
He watches as Killua’s breath hitches, his pupils growing wider and scanning over him as if seeing him for the first time. His chest rises and falls heavily as those dark blue eyes land on Gon’s lips and stay there; a blast of oven heat all over his skin.
“What are you thinking?” Gon whispers.
“I don’t know,” he breathes. And maybe if Gon were someone else, someone who didn’t know Killua and the way his brain works like the back of his hand, he might’ve believed that lie.
“Tell me,” Gon says, leaning in closer and giving his clammy hand a squeeze.
Killua’s voice is barely louder than the crackle of the fire when he takes a deep breath and says, “I’m wondering if you don’t— if I’m misreading. Or hallucinating.”
“How can I fix that?”
“I don’t know,” he mumbles, but the way he wets his lips as his gaze flicks between Gon’s eyes and his mouth… It gives Gon an idea.
Slowly, Gon bridges the small space between them with one of his hands, cupping Killua’s cheek under his palm. The soft skin is hot, and Gon’s heart leaps when Killua flinches but doesn’t pull away.
“Can I try?” Gon asks.
There’s not a doubt in his mind that Killua understands the question—what he’s really asking for. Killua’s brain is always ten steps ahead of his.
He nibbles on his bottom lip, staring at Gon’s mouth like it’s a gift he’s unsure is his to take, and when his head dips slightly in a subtle nod, Gon doesn’t hesitate. Sliding his hand down to cradle Killua’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, Gon tilts his head and closes the distance until his lips find Killua’s.
It’s a gentle connection, barely more than a brush of skin, but the world stops around him all the same. Gon’s never kissed anyone before, and he has no idea what he’s doing, but it feels right. There’s something unnervingly perfect about the warm, soft skin of Killua’s lips, the sweet smell of his breath under Gon’s nose. The house is silent except for the crackle of burning logs and their unsteady breaths, and for a moment, he wonders if Killua can hear how loud his heartbeat is. His grip on Gon’s hand tightens almost painfully.
Gon’s the first to pull away an inch to catch his breath. The sight of Killua’s eyes ruins any chance of that, though. There’s a depth to them that Gon’s never seen before, like looking beyond the edge of an ocean drop off. His lids are heavy, lashes dipping low over the unfocused stare aimed at Gon’s lips. If Gon had to find a word to describe it, he’d almost say Killua looked inebriated. His stomach responds to the look with a hot flutter.
Gon licks his lips, noting the way Killua’s eyes catch on it. “Was that oka–”
He cuts off in a noise of surprise when Killua swallows his words with a kiss, this one much more aggressive than the first. There’s nothing gentle about it, nothing slow or careful, just a lip lock so insistent it has Gon toppling onto his back and Killua crawling on top of him to keep the connection. And it’s so much so fast, feeling Killua’s thighs cage his hips, his fingers plunged in Gon’s hair and lips moving insistently. Gon can hardly keep up, but then a warm tongue swipes across his bottom lip and it’s like a switch goes off.
A moan slips out of his mouth, and his body goes up in flames.
From the whimper that Killua lets out, to the sharp tug on his scalp, and the desperate way he explores Gon’s mouth with his tongue, it feels like he’s quickly unraveling. His cock is thick and straining behind the confines of his sweatpants, and the thought that it’s Killua doing this to him is maddening. Unbelievable.
And absolutely addicting.
Finally his hands start moving from where they froze on Killua’s chest, the need to feel more of him driving them. He lets them roam over sharp collarbones, strong shoulders, a muscular back, and Killua comes alive under his touch, panting and moaning into Gon’s mouth. And god, Gon may never have craved the sound of Killua’s moans until now, but it’s instantly something he needs more of.
So he drops his hands further, coasting them over Killua’s ass.
“ Gon ,” Killua chokes out, losing some of the stability in his arms and dropping down just enough to feel the brush of his hard cock tenting his sweatpants. Heat slices through Gon like a fire iron, his hips instinctively driving up to deepen the contact with a grunt, the slide of their hard-ons pulling a hiss from Killua.
Killua pulls away from Gon’s lips, looking a little bit frantic. “What are we doing?”
The answer seems pretty obvious to Gon.
“Making out,” he says, momentarily shocked by the low pitch of his own voice.
He really shouldn’t be surprised by Killua’s ability to roll his eyes in a moment like this. “No I mean, this is– Um, this, it’s–”
“Amazing?” Gon supplies. “Really hot?” Tightening his grip on Killua’s ass, he tugs him closer until their hips are connected, the hard length of Killua cozied up against his own. The urge to grind against him is almost too much to resist, but he manages it, noting the nerves appearing on Killua’s face. He knows they should probably talk about this, but… Do they really have to? Right now? When his cock is throbbing with the need to get off and watch Killua do the same?
“It’s…” Killua chews his bottom lip. “You’re okay then?”
“I’m a lot more than okay,” Gon affirms with a wide smile. “But…”
Killua’s eyes widen. “But?”
Gon’s grin turns wolfish. “But I’m also really, really horny.”
A snort escapes Killua, the pink flush on his cheeks spreading to the rest of his face. “I, uh, can tell.”
“And,” Gon brings one hand up to cup Killua’s hot cheek, letting his thumb graze over his parted lips. “I want you.”
Killua swallows. “I’ve never– I, um…”
“Me either,” Gon says. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“No, I–” Killua rasps, and he clears his throat. “I like this. I want you, too.”
Heat crawls deep in his gut, his cock twitching against the pressure of Killua’s bodyweight, and Gon relishes in his responding shudder. Slowly, Gon grinds upward, watching as Killua’s lips part on a sharp inhale.
He flexes his fingers on Killua’s hips, lowering his voice to a whisper. “This?” He moves again. “Is this what you want?”
A sweet moan falls from Killua’s mouth as he nods, stoking the fire in Gon’s veins. Tightening his grip on Killua’s hips, he nudges them down and forward, encouraging him to grind. And when he does, rutting against him with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth and eyes wild with need, Gon swears he’s never felt anything better. The friction of his sweatpants rubbing against him shouldn’t feel this good, but it does. God, it does, because it’s Killua’s cock pressing against him, hot enough to feel through the fabric. Their movements fall into a rhythm, and it’s unlike anything Gon could’ve imagined.
“ Killua ,” he groans, marveling over the sight of Killua flushed and panting and chasing pleasure. It’s too much, and Gon realizes with a twinge of disappointment that he won’t last long. What if Killua outlasts him?
That won’t do.
Reaching up, Gon grasps the hair on the back of Killua’s head, tugging him down to press their lips together roughly. A surprised moan falls from Killua, and Gon takes advantage of it, slipping his tongue in his mouth and licking into him, devouring every shaky breath. He slides his other hand back to Killua’s ass, cupping one cheek and digging his fingers into the firm muscle. The response is immediate; Killua bucks against him with a gasp. Seeing how responsive Killua is to his touch is maddening, and Gon groans, taking his plump bottom lip between his teeth and sucking.
“Fuck, Gon,” Killua hisses. “What are you doi–”
“You like that?” Gon uses his grip on Killua’s hair to turn his head to the side, exposing his neck and leaning in to suck and nibble on the fluttering pulse point under his jaw.
“ Gon ,” Killua groans, and hearing his name fall from his lips like that nearly sends him over the edge. It’s a double-edged sword, working Killua up like this, because his reactions only serve to push Gon closer to his own release. The rhythm of Killua’s hips falters, turning sloppy.
“I’m so close, Killua,” Gon murmurs against the shell of his ear, and Killua’s movements stutter. “You feel so good.”
“Fuck,” Killua whimpers, reaching down to hook Gon’s leg around his waist. The shift in position is just right; it lines their cocks up in a mind melting way, and Gon grunts as the need to come goes from an abstract thing to full on desperation.
“Oh god , Killua,” Gon hissed, moving both hands to slip under Killua’s sweatpants and grab at his ass. A choked gasp leaves Killua’s lips. “Killua, keep going, I’m– I’m gonna–”
“Oh fuck, Gon, I’m about to–”
“ Please , please, Killua, please come, I wanna feel it–”
“ Gon !” Killua shouts, muscles locking up as his hips tremble, the repetitive twitch of his cock against him snapping the tension building in Gon’s groin and launching him off the edge.
“ Killua ,” Gon grits through his teeth, holding Killua tightly as he jerks his hips once, twice, and a third time, warmth pooling between his stomach and his sweatpants. His head spins with pleasure, aftershocks sending shivers down his entire body, and Killua goes limp against him, panting into the crook of Gon’s neck.
For several minutes, they lie there, sweaty and boneless, the fireplace reduced to embers.
“That was…” Killua mumbles.
“Yeah,” Gon breathes.
Content silence settles between them. The steady thump of Killua’s heart beating against Gon’s chest has him drifting off comfortably, the dimming light of the fire dragging him further into sleep, and he winds his arms around Killua’s waist.
Killua sighs. “We should probably–”
“No,” Gon says, tightening his arms.
“But I have jizz–”
“No.”
“But the fire–”
“ No .”
“C’mon, we can’t just let the fire die out,” Killua huffs.
Yanking a fluffy blanket off the back of the couch, Gon lets it fall over them and burrows his head against Killua’s shoulder. “We’ll keep each other warm.”
“Forgetting about Alluka?” Killua asks with an audible smirk.
Gon’s face flushes, thinking about how loud they were being just moments ago with Alluka sleeping right above them. “Oh. Oh god.”
Killua sucks a breath through his teeth. “Yup. That’ll be fun in the morning. I’m leaving that conversation to you.”
“ What ? Why me?”
“Because you’re shameless!”
“But you were the loud one!”
“ Me , loud? Please, you were loud enough to wake the entire village from all the way up here.”
Footsteps pound away at the floor above them, and they both freeze. A door creaks, and the footsteps stop out of sight, at the top of the stairs. In a hoarse voice, Alluka shouts, “You’re both loud as fuck. Now shut the hell up, put some more logs in the fireplace, and go to sleep.”
“Yes ma’am,” they reply in unison, scurrying to their feet to grab some firewood.
And even though Killua protests when Gon refuses to let him leave to get a change of pants, he lets out the happiest little noise when Gon scoops him into his arms on the couch before they both fall asleep.