Work Text:
Let's go below zero and hide from the sun
I love you forever where we'll have some fun
Yes, let's hit the North Pole and live happily
Please don't cry no tears now, it's Christmas, baby
My snowman and me
Sia - Snowman
2002
Stede had always wanted to move far away from his parents. Mary’s new job restoring paintings for the Rijksmuseum in The Netherlands had proven their ticket. Was it an absolute dick-move to sell the company barely one year into owning it? Sure. Did it feel good? Hell yes.
The dumbfound look on his father’s face was priceless, the slow snarl on his face. Pure gold. Name, money, and a whisper of status bought them a canal-side 3 story home. Price per square meter had troubled Mary at first, but it came with a shared garden with the neighbor’s home. Grass for any future kids they both desired and a mere 30-minute bike ride for Mary to get to her work.
Life was good.
Mary settled her studio on the top floor, Stede was granted the ground floor, often opting to sit out in the garden. Feet kicked up, a good book in his lap and a delightfully scented tea keeping his senses soothed. A twenty-four-year-old living the relaxed retired life many twice his age could dream of.
2003
In the fall he noted Mary acting strange, glowing, radiant even. Her art blossomed, Stede having to assist her in the paperwork to sell her paintings. Registering them all, create certificates. Life is strange. Stede did not expect to like working again, a life of leisure suited him but the isolation was draining him fast. They had renovated the middle floor and fully settled. A neighbor had not called in yet and it was dreadfully dull to keep the garden like that.
“Alright mister Bitchy Blonde. Don’t pout if our future neighbor does not fit your garden planning. I want the firepit and you get the flowerbeds.” Mary said with a smile, her hand cascading through the blond curls in her husband’s neck.
“Ja schat.” Yes dear- No charm to this language whatsoever. Stede tried he really did but the tongue just did not like him. His wife making a pleased noise at his attempt, or at least she perceived it to be. One year in and so far his best point of integrating with the locals was the ‘raise eyebrows, smirk briefly, nod head’ to acknowledge another person on the street.
Oh and being an absolute dick on his bike, that came natural to him. He had no issue bumping past people, yelling at others blocking the bike lane or flip off some jaywalker.
2004-1
On their fourth anniversary in May the world is starting to shift. Warm palms are on his wife’s stomach as she shows him the first images of a tiny almond growing in her stomach. She had been feeling under the weather a bit but the news had Stede stunned. Hairs on his arms standing up.
“Stede? Bonbon?” Apprehensive she trailed her hand over his, up his wrist and arm. Cupping his cheek.
“Mary!”
She was raised in his arms, swinging her around. All worries gone from his brow as they laughed in each other’s arms. His arms hooked under her rear, Mary’s arms in turn holding herself up on his shoulders. The sun strong as it warmed them through the open garden doors.
“I’m going to be a dad! Fuck--- Should I be doing that? Are you okay.”
Stede turns out is a worrywart. Mary indulges in his whims to take care of her, carry anything she might need moved or brought in. One of the extra studies now a nursery.
By the time August creeps in Stede notices window and patio doors being opened in the house next to them. Mary is out at the museum, her adorable waddle fond in his recent memory. Being the curious bugger he is, Stede decides to take a peek at whatever is going on next door. Finding not one but a group of five men bringing cleaning supplies into the house. Left near the van filled with building materials was a tall tan man. Paint covered overalls, wavy black hair in a loose bun, a few tattoos on his arms.
“Hello! Need a hand?”
A bright smile framed by black stubble wandered over, step a bit lanky almost by choice from the looks of it. Casual, nonchalant, radiating a fun energy. A tattooed hand decorated with a wedding band extended to Stede, offering a tight squeezing handshake.
“Nah mate I’m good, brought some extra muscle. Buuut- should I need it later I’ll be sure to call on you neighbor. I am Edward, hoping to move in soon so the boys are helping me patch it up fast.”
“Stede.” He laughed. “Place has been vacant for years, while the peace and quiet is nice I did miss the genuine experience of being squeezed by two neighbors in the center of Amsterdam.”
“ED!- Wallpaper wont steam itself!” Came a shout from inside.
Startled Ed let go of his hand, clapping his shoulder briefly. “Kut.” Fuck- “Back to work for me Stede, I’ll apologize profusely for the impeding noises coming. IF you hear grunting, know it is because I am getting rid of the ridiculous faux-plaster pieces that are currently caulked against the wall by that dogshit previous owner.”
“Edward- Join me and my wife for dinner. I make a killer risotto.”
“Stede… I would love to.”
2004-2
That is when Stede’s entire world finished shifting. Edward Teach stood in his doorway. Dressed in black wide jeans low on his hips, a sleeveless turtleneck, and a knitted mixed gray vest. Black waves set loose to frame his face.
“Come in Edward- Let me introduce you to my wife.”
Swept in by Stede’s enthusiasm Edward finds himself enchanted by this little family and a very round looking brunette. She regrets not being able to get up but greets him regardless, warm hands hold Ed’s as he leans down to exchange three kisses on her cheeks.
“Aren’t you a looker Edward! When Stede mentioned he might have found a new model to paint I expected it to be in jest. The invitation stands as of now by the way.”
Taking a seat next to her they find a lot of shared interests. Stede pours them a fruity concoction of multiple fruit processed with his new toy, the juicer.
“Edward, I swear, sometimes Bonny over here seems to be the one pregnant in this marriage. Making sure to try all the latest food trends. Healthy drinks. I believe this is his new Mango-starfruit Safari mocktail.” Laughing Ed’s hand comes to rest over hers.
“Mary, Ed is just fine. We share custody of the garden after all.”
She scoffs. “You and my dear husband do, whilst I demanded that firepit I find the comfort of the great indoors outshine the garden. Plush blanket and a cozy couch hmm- “
“Wait you guys dug the pit! That’s mental, it really sold the house for me not going to lie. Jack hates gardens but he is abroad most of the time anyway.”
There it was again, that tight feeling in his chest, Jack. His husband as of six years and counting. Currently still living in their old apartment in London. Ed tells his own story, how he is in theory a musician of sorts. His own words. Wondering how they were ever going to get a piano up to the first floor now that he saw the narrow staircase. Mary and Stede had opted to keep the ground floor as open as possible, breaking down the walls of the staircase, making it an open feature in the living room.
The move was Jack’s plan in essence, his company was expanding and they would open a new office in Amsterdam. Pitching the move with Ed, who had moved to the Netherlands at a young age, naturally he was ecstatic about this. Many of his friends still lived there, it would be coming home.
Ed hoped their fairytale marriage would rub off on his.
[Image: A creamy Tomato & Roasted Veggie Risotto.]
Stede had not lied about the Risotto. A creamy tomato and roasted vegetable Risotto. Dinner flew by, so did the glasses of wine between Ed and Stede. Giddy in their budding friendship they bond over the fascinating small canal boats across the street.
This was Mary’s que to retreat upstairs, rest her feet while catching up on some much-needed sleep.
“Hey Ed… You mentioned Jack still being abroad. Will you be all by yourself in that big house?”
Stede’s palm warm on his elbow as they wobbled outside, blankets tossed over shoulders as the blonde started to prod and poke the firepit with fresh wood and a Firestarter.
“Hm… Mostly yes. Izzy has agreed to stay during renovation periods as he mostly works remote. But gotta get the internet up and running for that first. He is the loud one you hear yelling throughout the day.” Ed snickers.
“Die klootzak?” That asshole? – Stede scoffed. “You are such a kind gentle person Ed, how does that… work?”
Ed kicked his boots off, sitting down to put his feet near the fire. “Went to school together, he was such a little squirt. Absolutely strangled the shit out of some big guy trying to steal his jump-rope. Seriously, total nutjob, but has a wee little heart of gold deep within that black hole.”
“I’ll trust your word for that Ed.”
Silence stretched, the crackling of fire filling the air. It was a comfortable silence, occasional stories and laughs shared.
“Hey Ed. If you ever find yourself lonely. Just knock on our door, ok? I will always have a plate extra for you to join us.”
The gesture paused Ed’s breath, eyes filling with hope. “See you next week then.”
They sat there all night, setting the foundation of what would be a decades long friendship.
2004 - 2005
Mary’s penguin status had come to a halt early December ‘04. Blessing the Bonnet family with a rosy pink cheeked daughter, Alma.
Uncle Edward, as Mary had now dubbed him, became a frequent visitor. Evenings often spent with Stede in the garden, on the weekend he would peruse the museum with Mary.
The moment Mary put Alma on Ed’s back with a baby wrap he was sold on the new title. She was so warm and he became a designated babysitter.
Much to Stede chagrin, Alma had not liked being tied to her father’s back. Both their energies just not flowing along, their physician explained that sometimes, kids just can be stubborn to who they like or not.
November 2005 came by, Mary’s stomach already showing. What is one bundle of joy if you can have two? Ed wondered where they had even found the energy to do that. Alma was snoozing against Edwards back, her hand clinging to the growing black strands.
“Ed, can I hold my daughter?” Pale freckled hands stroked the soft blonde hairs of the girl. Stirring in annoyance she gurgled for the hand to move.
“Bonny, we’ve been over this. Mary and Alma are finally asleep, let them rest. Next week they are all yours champ.”
Jack was finally visiting for the first time in a year. Finally, he would meet his new fam- friends… Yes friends. Hoping they would get on like a housefire.
“Hey Ed. I’ve been thinking.” The blonde pulled himself up on top of the kitchen counter. Legs swinging off the edge. Outside snow was laying the first few layers. “In those Christmas movies you always see entire families build those silly snowmen… Do you think it would be fun to start doing that? We can take a picture every year. See how fast my little sunflower is sprouting.”
“Hmm… That sounds kind of cool Bonny, my mom made me ride the Carnaval Festival in the Efteling every year to do the same. I admit the psychological trauma of that song I could have done without. The snowman is a great idea!”
Stede ends up cleaning out part of the garden furniture and moving the planters to the side, just so he has more surface for the snow to cover.
2005
If Stede had to explain who Jack was as a person, he would veil it in colorful language. Obscure prose and soft words. However, by himself he would preferably just toss this man in the canal and hope a boat would hit him.
The man was an insult to taste, to character and to Ed’s lovely persona. Everything Jack had done had pissed someone off.
He had insulted Mary’s paintings, nearly yelled at Alma when she had a few tummy cramps and started crying. Jack had backed up his car right into Stede’s bike, wheel now at a 90-degree angle.
“Sorry Steve, send me the bill for the repairs.”
Ed was surprised how hostile Jack seemed to be, as if it were a pissing contest amongst men. Friday late at night Ed was packing Jack’s back once more. Jack’s hands on his hips swaying to the soft music in the room.
“Babe, I told you I am sorry, guys like him just really irritate me.”
“Genuine kindness irritates you? These people embraced me, invited me into their home because you are not here.” With a shove he closes the suitcase, turning in Jack’s arms. “I love you darling, I really do but that- Cannot happen again. Promise me.”
Jack groaned, throwing his head back. Eyeroll practically audible. “Fine.” Ed’s hands were on his cheeks. “Jacky, they make being away from you bearable. I want to make our plan work; we will have our bases covered and you can set up your new branch comfortably, legally, without any issue.”
His husband had finally agreed, part of him however had his doubts. Jack’s phone rang throughout their final evening, secretary ringing him for his flight details. Making this the last evening together for another long while.
There was intimacy, but love was far from it.
Jack left in the morning, choosing not to wake Ed up before he left. Edward laid there in his bed, smelling of liquor and cigarettes. Jack’s only presence in this home his scent. Was it wrong for him to envy the Bonnets? Perhaps it is just not meant for him.
Ed catches Stede’s glance when they cross paths at the supermarket mere hours later.
“Hey… Where is Jack?” Stede asks, voice soft and small.
It broke Ed to see Stede diminished to this, his sunny friend literally hidden behind storm cloud-Jack. Voice cracking as he spoke.
“He left. Flight got bumped to the morning so he left around three this morning.”
Mary joined them, Alma in her stroller, slapping at some bright colored figures dangling above her head.
“Would you like to come over tonight? Just knock on our door, just like before.” Her palm was warm on his cheek, thumb trailing over a wet cheekbone.
Words would leave his mouth but a nod was enough.
Stede was handed the stroller and groceries, Mary waddled next to Ed behind him. Her arm around Edward’s, perhaps her hormones or maternal instinct acting up. But Ed needed this, he needed love as much as anyone and while they can substitute a lot that he needs with their friendship and hospitality. This is not something they can fill.
Mary asked if Jack had ever made him happy, even a little. Prompting a babbling response from Ed, “of course!” but when he tried to name examples. Not many came.
Groceries all cleaned up the three sat on the couch, Ed having laid his head on Mary’s lap. Feet dangling over Stede. “I think Chinese food is in order.” Stede decided.
This week had given Ed a lot to think about.
2005
Tradition is key.
Ed woke up to the unusual scent of coffee, feeling very warm and cozy. Blurry vision focusing he found himself on Mary and Stede’s couch, toes to chin covered in a large plush fuzzy blanket. Stede sat down in front of him, hip against his stomach and two cups in his hands.
“Good morning Ed.”
Slowly blinking Ed sat up, hair and clothes a mess. Rubbing his eyes yawning the memories of yesterday flooded back. “You could have woken me up mate.” Instead of letting me crash on your couch. Despite the slight uncomfortable icky feeling of having slept in his clothes Ed felt well rested. Part of him felt frustrated but another part felt so at home and at ease that they trusted him in their home.
“The little one in Mary’s belly almost kicked you awake but hell Ed you looked like you needed the rest.”
They sat together, drinking their morning coffee. Suddenly Stede snorted.
“Hm?” Ed rose an eyebrow with a smile.
“We could just put a door like… Right there. Make our living rooms connected.” The blond noted. “You can crash on our couch whenever you feel lonely.”
Ed smiled wistfully in his mug, sitting up properly next to Stede now. “Wouldn’t that be something.”
During their brunch together Stede mentioned this little Christmas tradition idea again. Having spoken to Mary about the idea and she thought it would be hilarious to also send them out as Christmas cards. Brilliant. Ed offered his camera and take the picture of their entire little family together.
The tradition was simple. Early morning Ed and Stede would roll the gigantic snowballs to create the Bonnet Snowman. Mary in turn would select his ‘suit’ for the year. The first time he was very traditional. A scarf around his neck, carrot for a nose. Big stones for buttons and eyes. Heck even a smile on his face. Two twigs as his arms and voila.
There he was.
December 2005 being one of the happiest months in Ed’s life. Seeing the Bonnets cuddled together against a silly snowman. Alma in Stede’s arms, Mary holding on to her round tummy. It is like watching magic happen right before your eyes.
“A little closer Bonny.” Ed waved them together over his camera and took a few shots. Positively happy with the result.
“Killer Christmas card if I say so, not sure how I can top that.”
Stede had handed Alma over to Mary who was currently viewing the pictures on the camera on its stand.
Ed nearly knocked the snowman’s head off, lightning fast he and Stede clutched around the snowman, keeping his body together. Cackling like idiots. -click-
A year later now with Alma the toddler standing proudly against the snowman, cuddling the round shape of the bottom snowball. Louis cradled in his mother’s arms and Stede the sunshine standing in the back with is arms outstretched to mimic the snowman.
The second picture Ed took for their now established Christmas tradition. Better framing, bigger snowman. Better friends. Alma loved her uncle, loved his eclectic home. And most recently Ed had offered to babysit should the Bonnets need a night out. Not like he had anything better to do.
Jack chose not to spend the holidays with Ed, business was rough he said. Izzy, who currently crashed on Ed’s couch called it bullshit.
Two months a year was the rough estimate of Jack’s stay at home. Spread paper thin throughout the year.
2008
A decade.
- 10 Years
- 120 Months
- 3,652 Days
- 87,648 Hours
- 5,258,880 Minutes
- 315,532,800 Seconds
Five of those spent in the same home- If Ed had to be honest out of those five roughly three were truly spent being in each other’s vicinity. It felt toxic to say, he felt guilty saying it. Shouting it over the phone. Another MSN chat spent buzzing to no answer. Letters unanswered.
Text messages short or ignoring any questions Ed might have had. Ed was drowning in his marriage and Jack never seemed to give a shit until the day he had to leave.
Should have built that door years ago. Edward stands in the garden, noticing the music next door, the flags, and lights.
Fuck, Stede’s birthday.
Blond hair peeked outside the patio door, waving as he saw Ed. Not knowing tears had started flowing Ed slumped into one of the chairs around the firepit. Stede closed the curtains on his patio.
But with blanket in hand and a warm mug he found his best friend outside.
“Tears don’t suit you, Edward.”
Big doe-eyed dark eyes shot up, Stede had left his own little party to sit with Ed. Tears flowed freely now. Pouring out all the grief and loneliness right onto Stede’s pressed teal blouse. Face buried in his stomach as the blond wrapped the blanket around Ed. Hands rubbing soothing circles.
“Did he blow off your anniversary dinner again?”
Ed nodded, yes he had, not only that. This would be seven months without a visit. The excuses getting more extravagant every day. Last video call Ed had sworn the background was not their old apartment in London either.
“Edward.”
Stede sank through his knees, hands holding Edwards’s. Touch warm and grounding as he looked up at the weeping man.
“I have known you for, give or take, four years now. You are the kindest sweetest man and you do not deserve the way he is treating you. I understand there are many things happening in both your lives but that is no excuse for this torture.”
“You never call me that… ‘s always Ed.” He mumbled.
Stede wiped away the last tears from his cheeks, slowly his eyes started to accept there were no more tears left to cry.
“I am not cross with you Ed, terribly so with Jack. He is very lucky to be so far away or I might have hit him over the head with a pan.”
They laughed and settled next to each other. Ed resting his head on Stede’s shoulder, finally relaxing and letting go of the grief.
“Come inside, we can build a blanket fort with Alma. You are a Bonnet Ed; you will always be welcome.”
2010
Izzy was hopping back and forth between London and Amsterdam monthly these days, still working under Jack. This time when Ed was picking him up from Schiphol Izzy was sporting a pretty shiner on his face. But also 5 suitcases.
“Jesus Iz, I get wanting to do your laundry at my place but you can’t be seriously taking all this back next month?”
“Not going back. Stop by the liquor store on the way home, you need to be… informed… on some shit happening at Rackham’s. Fucking twat.”
“We can do wine, even a cider, no hard liquor I have the kids tomorrow.”
Hairs in the back of his neck stood up, this was not going to be a nice conversation. Izzy’s leg bouncing anxiously, fingers tense as they held a battered smartphone.
Izzy insisted on at least one bottle of Kraken rum.
Hell has no fury like Ed scorned. He was livid.
Twelve years of marriage was a sham, it was nothing. A waste of over a third of his life.
Edward and Israel sat near the firepit, tossing Jack’s stuff in one by one.
“I’ve texted for backup-“ Izzy rumbled. They were halfway through the bottle of rum. Anger simmering down to just sheer sadness.
Ed squinted when Stede showed up, pitcher of iced tea and a cheese platter in his hands.
“Mister Hands, out of all the people- Ed?” Brow furrowing. “Why are you burning your husband’s stuff?”
“Ex.” Izzy grunted, taking the pitcher from Stede to fill their glasses with something other than hard liquor. Explaining a few bullet points to get the man caught up on their night.
“So let me get this straight, he cheated on you during the entirety of your marriage. Men, women, coworkers, strangers. Anything with a hole became a goal?”
Ed silently nodded, eyes full of hurt, nightmare having become reality. Sure, he had suspected it at times, but only in recent years. Believing it to be in a spur of the moment due to their long months of separation.
Stede kicked a box with Jacks stuff into the firepit. Stomping it extra hard out of spite, even Izzy sat up in surprise. Six years of friendship and this is the first time he had actually, vividly seen Stede get angry.
Cheeks fluster in the exertion, arms flexing as he tossed more of his stuff into the fire before sitting down.
Blonde hair a mess as he ran his fingers through it, whipping some sweat off his brow.
“Israel you and I are going to the Amsterdam HQ being built, we are going to write down all inventory. I will call Oluwande for the legal part.”
Ed frowned, looking back and forth between Izzy and Stede. These men hated one another, there were many occasions Izzy had Stede pinned by his collar, or Stede squeezing Izzy’s face mockingly.
This bonded them, a mutual hate for Jack. Neither had liked the man from day 1.
Ed croaked out a soft laugh. “Spread eagle.”
Both looked at him confused. Stede suddenly barking out a laugh, for fuck’s sake Ed.
“Number seventeen, the spread eagle” Stede sang.
Three grown men now chanting the cell block tango as they planned Ed’s divorce.
2013
“Uncle Ed.” His hands were currently combing through her hair, scrunchie in his mouth. Attempting to make sense of the insane lion mane of hair she had inherited from her father. Tempted to lick his thumb and push the cowlick down near her ear. Stede’s curled similarly above his right ear. Cute.
“Yes bellsprout?” Her scrunched nose at the nickname never ceased to entertain him. Twisting the ponytail into submission he slid her off his lap. She was currently waiting in his living room together with Louis. Stede ran late and Mary had to work today. Louis kept himself busy with his Gameboy, Alma however. Was very, very talkative today.
“Why aren’t you married?”
Swallowing the memories of his sham of a marriage away his fingers played with the empty spot once a wedding band rested on. The very ring he sold for prime money, apparently Jack had indeed set it with actual diamonds and not fakes that he once claimed.
“Well, I haven’t fallen in love yet.” He started as she interrupted him. “But how do you know that! Mom and dad never answer me… How do you even know you’re in love uncle Ed.”
Smiling he hugged her. “Oh, little bellsprout you will know. When you are in love, the love songs start to make sense. You want to be together all the time.”
He spins her around, Alma giggling and squirming. “They could wake you up in the middle in the night and the first thing you wonder is A do they miss you or B is something wrong and do I need to help.”
“That’s silly! I don’t even have a phone!” She laughed.
“Well, you’re a little young to be in love little Almond. Barely nine and already so nosy. Are you a romantic like your dad?”
She had fumbled, telling him about a boy and a girl in her class. Oh, good the girl liked options.
When Stede came to pick them up they were meeting at their familiar annual snowman. Mary had handed him their Christmas card a few days prior, hanging it up on the fridge. It had indeed been magical watching the kids grow through the pictures.
Then again so did the other two Bonnets and himself. Ed sported the first gray hairs at his temples, Stede pointed them out a few years ago and it only seemed to go faster and faster. Time was kinder to Stede, arms and body in peak condition. Ed swallowed, when had he started taking notice of his physique?
Stede kissed his cheeks in goodbyes, as they always did. Why did it feel heavy in his chest to do this now. The Bonnet family went back inside as Ed stood outside next to the obvious game of thrones outfit on the snowman.
“The songs make sense.”
“I miss him. All the time.”
A hand flew to his face, furiously combing the long black and gray curls away from his face.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuck. I am in love with Stede.”
He looked over at the snowman, side eying it.
“You know nothing John Snow.”
Nearly tripping over his own feet as he ran back inside.
2016-2017
Mary’s art had been booming the past six years, while still restoring paintings for the museum the majority of her time was now spent in the attic, painting. Drafting. Stede had convinced her to finally hire an agent and she was a sharp, witty woman named Evelyn. Coming from Rotterdam certainly had given her the sharp edge needed to elbow her way through the market.
This was the second year in a row she had hauled Mary off to a large reveal for one of her paintings. Last year she missed Alma’s birthday because of it, this year she would miss Christmas. Leaving Stede alone with the kids. Words echo in the back of his head. Opting to not even tell his best friend they were seeing marriage counselling Stede felt everything drifting away from him.
Alma would go to high school next year; Louis was going to follow her in two years’ time. Dressing Snowman up by himself this year he lamented just talking to someone, anyone. Only to find Israel smoking in the garden outside.
He could… Well ever since the whole Jack-debacle there was a certain ground level of respect between the two. The softness of Stede’s persona and abrasive blunt nature of Izzy’s did not always match but they could tolerate, heck, even get along at times.
Confiding in the shorter man he noticed a genuine care, a squeeze on his shoulder. “Sometimes things just don’t work out Bonnet. You can carry the dead weight of your marriage but it is not fair to you, Mary, or the kids.”
No matter how much you want it to work, if something is broken, perhaps you need to let it go.
[Image: A dinner table setting for Christmas. In recent years they had invited Ed and Izzy. This year however the table only seated five instead of six.
2018-2020
Once more the world flipped around for Stede, many nights were spent talking. Crying, at times when the kids were at Jim’s even shouting.
No therapy, no counseling, no glue could bring this back together. Gods they tried. There was still so much love there. When they left Aotearoa in 2001 after tying the knot there was this crystal-clear image of a perfect marriage. Two children, a lovely home.
Mid 2018 they signed the divorce papers. By Christmas 2018 the kids were spending St Nichols at Mary’s and Christmas at Stede’s.
Stede started to crash on Edward’s couch at times, surrounded by Izzy and Ed as they pulled apart the Rom-coms of the season.
“Stede buddy, you fell asleep on us there.” Izzy spoke, sleep drunk himself as he scratched through his goatee.
Ed rumbled through them. “Both of you did you idiots, you missed the part where Anthony build Roger the snowman.” He huffed in mock annoyance.
For the next three years the kids alternated Christmases between their parents, in 2021 Stede felt wounds open he thought had long scabbed over.
Mary and Doug’s Christmas card came in. On it a picture of them and the kids wishing Stede a Merry Christmas.
When Ed had used his key to get in holding gifts for the kids, he found Stede curled on the couch, softly sniffling, and occasionally sobbing.
“Hey… Stede? Are you ok.” Wincing at his own statement. “Yeah fuck, clearly not.”
“Three years Ed, we separated three years ago and I did not expect this to hurt me as much as it does. I am afraid to open the box that came with it.”
The card had come with a small box. Ed shook it, no weird ticking sound. That is good.
“Bonny, the hurt is a little ball.” He sat down next to Stede, long silver salt and pepper hair falling over his shoulders. Eyes incredibly kind as they always were.
“That little ball is going to bounce around and press all the wrong buttons for you.” Tracing his fingers through blonde bouncy strands he smiled. “Only with time does that stupid bouncy ball get smaller. Hitting the ache less and less.”
Stede sighed. “It would have been easier to just be mad, but we just slipped away from each other. Doug is amazing, with her, with the kids. They keep asking when I am finally bringing over my own Dough or Mary for new year’s.”
Ed pulled the latch of the giftbox open. “All love you very much Stede. They just want you to be in love and feel that joy too.”
Both gasped as they saw the contents of the box.
2021
Opening the box, they found it full with printed pictures. Pictures neither know existed. Holiday pictures, nearly all of them from the fall breaks with the kids. But most importantly the original snowman pictures.
They laughed as they went through the pictures. Many taken by Mary, excerpts where Stede and Ed had entertained the kids with their snowy antics. She had hated the cold with a passion, which she only told Stede after their divorce. All the ski-trips, hiking through the alps. Just to indulge Alma and Stede in their need for adventure.
“I cannot believe all these pictures existed, taken with your cameras no less. You have never seen these, Ed?” Ed took one of the pictures.
“Always just gave her the camera, told her to hand it back when she extracted all the pictures. She did and cleaned up the memory card after. Giving me printed copies of the pictures we did end up seeing.”
Flipping the card around he found each and every one dated with a little note in her handwriting. Top left they were noted ED.
Sinking into the couch together Stede’s head on Ed’s shoulder, raking up the good memories. The ache and hurt he had wept over earlier becoming less and less. One year they included Ed on the picture.
“You know, that year Mary’s mother accused us of being in a sect, or polycule. She was very confused why there suddenly was another man there.” Stede snickered. “Alma defended your honor vigorously.”
A bearded cheek rested against Stede’s head, flipping the card around to see Mary’s handwriting.
[Image: In Mary's handwriting it says: Being together is like breathing. - Mary & Doug]
2022
Holding the last card in the box Stede’s eyes widened. It was a picture of him and Ed from 2005. Both clutching desperately around the snowman, keeping his body together when Ed had nearly knocked him over.
Stede looked at Edward like he had hung the moon. The first picture of their Christmas tradition. The unspoken promise that every Christmas would have this silly snowman picture.
And now, decades later Ed looked at him with those very same eyes.
“Stede?” Anxious, careful, and vulnerable. Ed leaned back from their cozy setup, raising an eyebrow at the sudden pause in Stede’s rambling.
Stede smiled holding the picture up. “I almost forgot you used to have only a bit of black scruff and absolute chaos of curls on your head.” I almost suggested this could be our Christmas card.
“But I like the silver, it makes you glow like snow.”
The heavy beat in Ed’s yearning heart fluttered, cheeks a tint of pink neither of them had seen in a long time. Feelings Ed had boxed up inside, bottled battered and bruised from keeping them in for so long. Stede was divorced for years, why had he never…
Why did he leave those feelings with Mr. Snow and never dared to act on them?
Stede was stunning, beautiful, brilliant. Eclectic home only having grown with curiosities after the divorce, his living room sporting a library and vastly cozy windowsill seats. Mary’s muted color preferences were replaced with bold statement pieces. For the holidays Stede had chosen traditional red and greens. A sucker for the mood.
Pictures of the entire combined family including Ed and Izzy together on the funky boat that laid in the canal next to their houses littered his mantle. Fishing trips, hiking trips. They had done it all.
I want you to see me Stede, acknowledge me.
[Image: Stede's home decorated for Christmas]
2022
2022 Started with Mary and Doug’s engagement, during their NYE party Mary had dipped the man and asked him to marry her. Louis sneaking up with the ring box. Of course, the man instantly said yes. Would be a fool not to.
Stede moved closer, congratulating her by showering her in hugs and kisses. Giddy jumping Mary pulled him aside. “Did you like my gift Bonbon?”
It took a moment to register what she had meant; Mary had given him many gifts in life. The kids, half his art collection, invites to what she had called ‘adult Tupperware parties.’ Which ended being all of them cackling as a very serious women attempted to sell or at least expose them to various … toys. Never again, he reminded himself. But the gift she spoke off were the pictures.
“They were brilliant Mary; Ed was there when I opened the box. We went through them together.”
This piqued her interest. Together? “So, you are telling me… Hmm. I love you two but the density scale can not even measure you two.”
Stede scoffed. “Rude… It did leave me with a lot to think about Mary. Things I had not even considered actively until recently.
“You’re in love with Edward.” She said. Not a question, she was stating it as a fact. And deep down Stede knew that. They watched Edward from afar, aged like a fine wine. Dressed to complement Stede’s outfit. When he noticed them looking at him he waved, bright smile carrying all the way to his eyes.
“It’s like breathing.” They said in unison. Mary looking between Ed and Stede. “Easy right?”
“Our marriage was an escape Stede, we were happy, in our own way. It took seeing Ed’s misery and resolve to climb back up to realize we were free to choose who we want to be. We never had to settle.”
Stede held her hand, trepidation in his eyes. “I do not regret any of it Stede, we have wonderful children. A support system one can only dream of.”
“But he has been the drive for your support, for your comfort. Always has been in a way I did not understand or could compete with. The same way you have been that for him.”
She turned to him.
“You are the husband he deserves.”
Stede’s feelings were all over the place on the Uber home. Thoughts a million miles away as Ed was wildly retelling the proposal. Wild, excited, doe-eyed, lovely Edward. Whose hand was on his knee to get his attention back to their own reality.
“You’re oddly quiet Bonny, you can’t possibly have that much to drink.” He humored. Thumb rubbing circles over his knee. It is like breathing.
Every time they are together from that day on Stede is reminded of those words. Ed seemed a tad more physical since Christmas but nothing big changed. Both lived in too big houses, shared dinners and a firepit. The kids visited Ed when they were at Stede’s. Alma opted to study for her recitals with Ed. He would write little songs for her to impress her teachers with, help her write fancy poems for the boyfriends and girlfriends she wanted to impress.
Heck they even ended up getting a matching tattoo on her 18th birthday. Much to Stede’s dismay.
“Mom says you are both idiots you know.” Ed misses a key on his piano, abruptly stopping. Alma’s violin soothingly continued. “You’re thinking constantly about him, even now.”
He laughed, crossing his legs, and turning to her, arms crossed and tucked together.
“Alma, you and your mother are awfully nosy you know.”
“Please tell her to send some snow over so I can actually start what I am planning. That is all you need to know.”
2022 Ed’s kitchen
2022
This was it. Snow on Christmas, everything was cooked and Stede had claimed to just spend the holiday inside reading a good book. Ed sat together with Izzy on his kitchen counter, waiting for the light seeping through Stede’s porch window to vanish. Left to right they did, meaning Stede finally closed the curtains.
“Aaight Iz. Let’s go.”
They shot up from their spot, dressing warm to head outside. A table was set next to the firepit, two chairs and Edward got ready prepping a table whilst Izzy hissed, rolling snowballs like a little angry dung beetle.
Ed placed a white tablecloth over the table. “Fuck shit, how did the silverware go?” franticly scrolling on his phone to get the setting right. Little red napkins knotted and placed over the plate, together with a small name-tag and twig. Christmas bell on top.
Stede would have his tradition, Ed figured he would need to make the first move.
“Ed c’mon help me lift this fucker.” Grunting as he rolled one ball on top of the other. The snowman stood as tall as Israel himself. Exact replica of the first snowman. Mr. Snow stood tall at the end head of the table, two-plate table setting on the alternating corner across.
Everything looked ready, mulled wine and food still in his kitchen merely waiting to be served.
A wine-red velvet suit had Ed looking sharper then ever. Salt and pepper mane pulled back in a high ponytail, black scarf around his neck as he gave Izzy his coat.
“Wish me luck Iz.” He whispered.
Israel pulled him in the tightest hug, careful not to crumple the suit.
“You idiots deserve each other.” Fond smile on his face. “I will knock and head back home. Fang’s waiting. Go get him tiger.”
[Image: Edward's table setting for two.]
2022
Stede shut the curtains, closing himself of from the snow outside, from the empty void lacking a snowman. From what-if’s he never followed up on.
He wrapped his red robe tighter around himself, a vague attempt to blanket himself in a sense of comfort and coziness on this lonely night. Alma and Louis had called him earlier, exchanging holiday greetings, opening their presents during a lovely videocall. Stede was happy to see Alma’s partner also joining their Christmas celebration.
Hmm he would have to get a bigger dinner table if Louis was going to bring a partner next year too. Perhaps a nice cherry wood, leather bench on one side and chairs on the other. Maybe he should invite Ed over too… Take the plunge so to speak.
Trail of thought interrupted by a loud bang against his patio door. Heart thrumming in his throat. Were people throwing snowballs at his window? Slipping his feet back inside his slippers he pulled the robe together, if someone would throw his window in at least he would be a little weather resistant for three seconds. With a hard jerk he pulled the curtains open.
Nothing could have prepared him for this.
Ed’s arms wide, one arm around Mr. Snow. Staring at him. Waiting.
Stede started noticing the rest, ducking to pull on a pair of boots that were next to the door, kicked there earlier in the day after he had tossed the trash outside.
Stepping out to brave the cold, no, to brave something better. To brave these growing feelings. Accepting that Ed was his breath, his air. His everything for the past 17 years. And that everything was easy.
Edward held out a hand, when Stede took it he noticed how cold they were. “Ed you idiot, it’s freezing!”
Taking both of Edward’s hands in his he pulled them to the firepit. Whatever Ed wanted to say seemed to die down on his lips every time they opened. Breath carried away in the cold wind, tiny snowflakes resting in his beautiful silver hair. Tucking a wavy strand behind his ear Stede found his resolve. His courage.
“You made our snowman.” Our, like it was natural.
“I did.”
“You cooked Christmas dinner. Even copied my table setting from… nine years ago.”
“Yep.” The P popped; Ed’s exquisite dark lidded.
Ed brought Stede’s hands to his lips, a soft kiss brushed against his knuckles. “Stede- I had this entire speech prepared. But now that you are standing here. In our garden.”
Stede looked around, gaze kind. It has always been our garden. Our firepit. Our night time conversations.
“For the past nine years I have been hopelessly, desperately in love with you Stede. I felt selfish for having these feelings. Guilty even if I had a part to play in your marriage ending by just embracing any attention you would give me-”
Those lovely eyes now downturned, sad, and shining with tears. An inviting vulnerability to them. That will not do. Stede’s palms turned, cupping Edward’s face, warm thumbs rushing over rapidly flushing cheeks. “Edward.” They shot back up, pensive.
“Marriage’s end, the years we had were lovely. Amazing. The time spent for us to get to this point I will not ever regret for it is time we needed for this- this to happen.”
A cold shiver ran up Ed’s spine.
“Ed, in a way we have been together for longer than we were willing to admit. And though I never spoke the words or kissed your lips. Know that in one shape or another I have always loved you.”
Edward’s resolve broke. But never in love. Was he wrong?
“My attention is always for those who I love Ed. For those who I am very much in love with.”
The fire crackled next to them. With Stede’s arms raised, the robe fell open. Teal flannel pajamas against his hands as Ed rested them on his hips. He could swear the warmth of his skin radiated through the fabric into his hands. Warming him. His little sunshine. One of Stede’s hands moved from his cheek, down his jaw and neck to wrap around. His other hand tilted his face and pulled Ed in. Oh.
It was easy, loving him was easy. And now that they shared their breath, their lips, and love. That was like taking a deep breath after having held it under water for so long.
Breaking apart, Stede hummed. “Mr. and Mr. Snow.”
“Till death we’ll be freezing.” Ed’s arms wrapped around his waist, pulling the blond flush against him.
“Yes, you are my home, my home for all seasons. So come on, let’s go.”
Stede sang, snickering with flushed cheeks.
Edward dipped him slightly, nipping at his jaw. “Stede, I fucking love the song, the poetic reciting. But. Both our asses are freezing.”
A brief pause but both burst out in a fit of laughter and giggles. Bodies shaking against one another, Stede released his grip on Ed’s neck and placed a last peck on his lips. “How about we have dinner at your place Ed, bring the tableware back inside.”
“We need a summer tradition.” Ed’s hands released Stede’s hips. Stacking the plates back together, all tableware on top.
“And we will my love.”
“Will you call me that again?” Edward’s voice small.
Stede traced the collar of his jacket with his fingers, adjusting his tie as a doting husband would.
“That and many more love.”
January 1st 2023.
When they met Edward had always hoped Stede’s fairytale marriage would rub off on him.
This morning Stede woke him up with breakfast in bed, all presented on a small tray. Stede looking better than ever with bed hair, half buttoned shirt, and sweats. Not noticing the small velvet box next to his orange juice.
His own fairytale just beginning.