Chapter Text
"I asked her out", he says, and I don't look at him. I know he's probably feeling self conscious, like any other time he's been rejected by a girl. Because, any other time, girls rejected him.
I give him time to continue, to go on speaking, but he remains quiet. For a long time. Such a long time that I'm starting to get weirdly anxious.
"And?", I ask at last. He still doesn't reply. So I finally tilt my head and I see his face.
He's crying. And not like any other time. That overly dramatic crying I've often seen for the stupidest reasons. He's really touched, I can tell. His bottom lip trembles as he wipes the tears silently.
It surprises me and worries me all at once. I don't really know what to do.
"Oku...", I practically whine and he shakes his head.
"No, it's fine", he says. "She was really sweet. She asked me to remain friends. I told her that of course. Of course, we'll always be friends".
I frown and look down. I don't get it. He befriended her only because he wanted to ask her out. And it didn't work out. Is he really willing to be close to her, having the feelings he has? Even knowing she doesn't like him back?
"Of course?", He asks, frowning, and I realize I asked it out loud. "I'd be the worst if I left her like that. I was interested in her like that, yeah, but it wasn't just that. Once she became my friend, she's my friend, yeah? I'm not leavin' her. She's a person, right? Not a play thing".
Wow. He's really thoughtful at times. I, personally, would be mortified. I wouldn't want to be near someone who just basically told me I'm not good enough for them.
But Okuyasu is Okuyasu. He's kindhearted, and he's also friendly. He likes making friends. He's not really good at it, but when he gets a friend, he sticks to them like glue, and he loves them with passion.
Like I said, he's not good at making friends, and people don't often like him much. I believe they fear him. This is probably because they don't know him, and well, what they do know is not the best presentation card. He fights, he yells, he smokes, he rides a bike, he broke a tooth in a fight before I met him, so I could never fix that, he has scars. Like he told me once, "I have criminal written on my forehead". You don't judge a book by its cover, but the cover of Okuyasu's book is really difficult to ignore.
To me, he's cool. The coolest. He wouldn't be my best friend if he wasn't. He has style, he smells nice. His shoes are cheap but he drags them with calculated laziness. His accessories are expensive though, and he polishes those until they shine like the sun. He's fearless, brave, strong. Big, independent, gracious despite his lack of wits. Okuyasu is tremendous. But, I'm his best friend.
Murasaki didn't know him. And that's why that dumbass, Yukako, told him what she told him.
"You can't just keep on asking girls you don't know to date you. They probably feel terrified".
"But I never say somethin' mean or anythin'!", He complained.
"The point is, they know you for your reputation, but not for who you are. Let them see that you are not entirely awful and they may actually consider treating you like a peer".
"Woah, Yuka. Quite the flatterer", I mumbled under my breath. If she heard me, she did her best ignoring me.
"Start slowly", she continued, "greet her -calmly-, when you see her, offer help if you see her struggling with something, but only if it's something you can actually help with. Smile, get close to her but don't pressure her. And if, and only if she ever smiles back at you, or if you feel she's not afraid of you, try to start a casual conversation with her. And do not ever, ever, ask her out until you made sure she knows you're a nice guy".
"But Yuka", Koichi intervened finally, "wouldn't that... Make Oku look bad? Like, when he asks her out... She'll probably get pissed to know he was into her like that the whole time".
"She has to know he's approaching her for a reason. Why else would he be interested in her?"
Nobody dared to mention that some people may actually be interested in making friends.
But she was right, I guess. Because Okuyasu did that. He began to greet Murasaki, and even though at first she seemed a bit confused, she was always nice to him. If she dropped something, Okuyasu was around to get it up for her. He was always quite smooth and suave, I had a lot of fun watching him. His smile was cute- no, very attractive. His teeth are a bit crooked, but in a sexy way. More like, he has like, fangs. You can see a bit of the gums near the fangs, and also he has a chipped tooth that looks actually quite... Nice. I don't know, whatever. He has a pretty smile, and he also has dimples. So he looks very attractive when he smiles.
I mean, I assume that's what Murasaki had to be thinking. She smiled back at him each time, she was very nice to him, all the time. And then, one day, we were passing by the lockers, and she was there. She saw us, got a bit shook up, and dropped a file with lots of papers in it.
Both gentlemen, my bro and I rushed to help, and she got quite flustered and greeted us both. While Okuyasu helped her, she apologized for being clumsy. I handed her a paper, she didn't even look at me. Her eyes were on Okuyasu, but furtively, like trying not to stare much. I smiled and got up.
"Can you help her alone, man? I'm in a bit of a rush", I said.
They both looked up at me, but she immediately went back to her task of picking up the papers, mumbling that Okuyasu didn't have to stay, that she could do it alone.
My bro smiled at me and I winked. I left them alone, walking towards my classroom, smiling proudly.
The next day, Murasaki and Okuyasu were practically besties. They didn't hang out like me and Oku, but they could meet and talk for a couple of minutes during breaks, during lunch, at the end of classes. He was seriously very nice. Almost genuine. But knowing him, knowing what a dork he could be, I knew he was imposing gallantry a bit. And damn, he did it well. Grinning at the most precise moments, choosing different kinds of smiles for each situation. A cute, happy grin when he greeted her. A soft, gentle smile when she spoke about mundane things. A sexy little smirk when he spoke about how he wasn't the delinquent everyone thought he was, making it look as if he was worse.
God, he was attractive. If I was Murasaki, I would have blushed the same way.
So I don't get it now. Why she rejected him.
She still wants him around as a friend. I think, maybe she has a strict dad who wouldn't like her to date a boy like that? I'm not sure.
I'm slightly disappointed. Not because she rejected him. But because she was nice. She's still keeping him.
They didn't hang out as much as they could, true, but they started spending more time together. And I wasn't with them anymore, because it made me awkward to stand there, watching Okuyasu play his cards so smoothly. I left them alone for too long. And I missed my bro. I wanted him back.
But well. Sharing is caring, I suppose.
"I'm sorry bro. Of course. She's your friend", I say softly, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "Wanna go to my place now? We can play some shitty game you're good at, so you can beat me".
He snorts, and then searches in his pockets, but I'm already handing him my handkerchief.
"... Sure, bro. Thanks".
I'm glad I can cheer him up. He doesn't deserve to be sad. Not for a girl, either. Girls come and go. Well, in his case, they go more than they come but I will not ever leave his side. I'm his best friend.
So we are in my house, a few hours later, but we're not playing games. He claimed to be unfocused, so we sat there, watching a movie. I'm really not paying much attention. It's about some robbery, a bunch of dudes who were trying to rob a casino. Okuyasu's watching it, and mentions that he would love to be smart enough to rob a casino. I smile and agree with him. In theory, at least. I would love to get that much money, and it wouldn't matter how.
The movie is still playing when my mom casually announces that she's going out with a friend, gives me a kiss on the cheek and slides some money for food into my hand. Then she's out, wishing us a goodnight and telling us to behave.
It wouldn't be the first time we're alone. But for some reason, this one time I feel something, like electricity, in the tip of my fingers, down my legs. A funny tickle, something that makes me weirdly anxious but excited all at once. It's like I'm alert, but for something good to happen. And I don't even know what it is.
It's already dark outside, I notice, and I wonder if we should order some food already. I'm not hungry, but I'm starting to feel seriously awkward, just being next to Okuyasu, and I want to do something else. Because something tells me that if I stay any longer, I may do something stupid. And again, I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.
I'm struggling with my thoughts when he actually turns his face to me, smiling. It's only then that I notice that the movie ended, the credits rolling there on the screen. I smile back, not sure of what to say.
"So...", He starts, in a tone that suggests that he'll say something shameless, "yer mom's out, right?"
"Yeah", I nod, "why?"
"... Dude, I have... This porn DVD. I got it from... Well, never mind from where", he says and I gulp. I don't even want to think of what he'll suggest.
"You stole it", I say, trying to turn the conversation somewhere else.
"Yup. But then I noticed, I don't have a DVD player, do I?", He smirks. And I know what that means. I do have a DVD player.
"Do you want to borrow mine?", I play the idiot.
"Nah, dude! Let's watch it together!"
Of course. Of course he wants to watch it together. And honestly, any other time I wouldn't have minded, but today I feel strange. I cannot put my finger on it, but there's something about my friend here making me feel things, a nervousness, but not all that bad. Something close to thrill runs downs my body at his suggestion, and I realize I've never experienced that before.
I'm excited to watch porn with my best friend, to be alone with him. And while the act of doing it is attractive, what excites me the most is the fact that it is with him. I wouldn't feel this way if it was with basically anyone else. What's more, I would never agree to do it the way I do now, nodding and telling him to go fetch it and come back.
He does, he leaves with a smug grin on his face, flashing those spectacular teeth and I'm left alone, trying to cool down.
I don't want to think about it. I don't want to admit it. But anyone would say, that the prospect of being alone with Okuyasu, watching porn, is making me horny.
I shake the thought off my head. Cannot be. Impossible.
And yet the next thing I do, when Okuyasu crosses the roads towards his house, is to run to my bedroom and change my underwear.
I also brush my teeth.
What am I doing, I still have no clue. And the strong sense of guilt and shame that bites deep into my flesh after I've done those things leaves me paralyzed in front of the TV, until he comes back, completely unaware of the battle inside of my head.
"Do I play it?", He asks, once the DVD is rolling there inside of the player.
"Yeah, but huh, lower the volume, just in case".
He does as told and plays the movie. The menu doesn't promise much. Or maybe it promises a lot, depending on the viewer's interests. It's just a blond woman, with a school girl uniform but she's clearly old enough to be my mom. Her legs are spread, she's wearing no panties and you can see everything. Her shirt is open too, and her boobs are escaping from the bra. There's an option there to play the movie and to pick a scene. No subtitles options, language options, nothing. And it makes me chuckle that I'm expecting as much from a porno, knowing well that its purpose is just to help to get yourself off.
Okuyasu hums a chuckle too, even though he doesn't know what I'm laughing at, and plays the movie.
The plot is simple, and cliché. Misbehaving schoolgirl gets punished by the teacher. I'm rolling my eyes at the bad acting, and I'm about to comment how wrong that would be in real life when I dare to look at my bro.
He is blushed, from his high cheekbones down to his wide neck. His jacket had been taken off some while ago now, and I can see so much skin, soft looking, tanned skin, that my voice catches in my throat. I have to swallow down a lump as I observe his profile, the elegant curve of his aquiline nose, the plump softness of his lips, the thick line of his short yet very arched eyelashes. And each muscle moving under the skin, tensing and relaxing with each minimal movement.
He's beautiful, I realize. He's so damn beautiful and hot, and he has no idea. I had no idea either.
I swallow again and focus on the porn. Things moved fast. The teacher is spanking the woman. Her noises are a bit annoying, I'm glad Okuyasu turned the volume down. I do like the way her tits bounce with each slap, it's mesmerising. But I'm not exactly horny about that. What does cause something in me is when the man makes her kneel down in front of him, and you can see the bulge underneath the fabric of his pants. He's really big. And I do bite my lip when she begins to mouth at it over the clothes.
I dare to look at Okuyasu. He's squinting, focused, and he's still blushing. One of his hands is grasping the arm of the sofa, the other absentmindedly caressing his thigh. I get lost for a moment, watching the repetitive movement of his hand before a moan from the TV makes me turn my eyes back to the screen.
The man's cock is out now, and he's rubbing it against her face. She opens her mouth, licks it, but she doesn't put it into her mouth. I hear Okuyasu gulping next to me. Unconsciously, I do the same thing. I swallow down a knot in my throat and bite my lip harder, watching the man's girth. She looks like she's enjoying it, and I wonder, what could be so enjoyable about sucking someone's dick?
She finally puts it inside of her mouth and starts sucking it. She makes lewd noises, wet and gagging noises that make me wince a bit, but I can hear Okuyasu letting out a sigh. I dare a glance at him again, and his face is more relaxed now, but in the most sensual way ever. He looks like... Yearning. And then I notice how close the heel of his hand is to the incipient erection showing in his loose pants.
I lick my lips and watch the screen again, because I have no ways of knowing what I'd do if I keep watching him.
The cock sucking lasts forever, and even though I'm not entirely enjoying the movie itself, I'm fully hard soon, mostly because of how tense the situation is. The way the man moves, the submission of the woman, but not only in the TV. Around me, the silence of the house, the forbidden action of doing this in such an exposed room, and with my friend, with my best friend who is now openly palming himself, covering his mouth with the other hand.
I try to ignore my thoughts when I realize that I would love to get closer to him, to feel him. When I dare to imagine how would he look like, if someone was to give him head.
If I was to give him head.
I bite my lip harder, but not hard enough to hide the moan that comes out of my mouth.
Okuyasu looks at me, and my heart sinks in my chest. His gaze is intense, dark, and my breathing becomes heavy under his scrutiny. He uncovers his mouth and licks his lips. I almost moan again.
"Is it...", He's trying to ask something, but he's shy about it, "... Is it okay if we... Rub one off here?"
I should have seen this coming. Of course, that should have been the whole point from the start. But still, hearing it makes my heart frantic. I know I should be cautious and yet I'm nodding fast and unbuckling my belt even before he begins to work on his.
By the time he pulls down his pants, I have forgotten about the movie. My eyes are fixed on his crotch, the dark hair that he clearly trimmed. The dark skin of his cock, shining with how tense his erection makes it, the veins running down the thick length and the head, wet with precum. I'm breathing through my open mouth, as I wrap a hand around my dick and watch him touch himself.
I want to also look at his face, his handsome face, and he's still watching the movie. His expression is insane. He looks so sensual, and I know no porn movie in the world will ever compare to the raw sexuality of this moment, the moment when I get to see his pleasure, to hear his soft sounds, the moment I see the most beautiful eyes rolling back until those heavy eyelids flutter shut.
And I'm not fully aware of what I'm doing, until his eyes snap open again in shock. Then I notice I'm holding two dicks, one on each hand. I swallow hard, my eyes widening in surprise when our gazes meet, and the spot where our hands touch on his erection burns.
I don't know what to say or do. I'm once again paralyzed.
But then he asks, "i-is this okay?"
And I say, "if you wanna".
And then he nods, and I'm doing it. I'm feeling his dick with my hand. Feeling its pulsing heat, its weight, the soft tense skin covering a burning hardness. It's not at all like touching myself. It feels so forbidden, but so mature. My lips are parted as I jerk him off, slowly, just exploring his length and focusing on his reactions. We're so close now that I can feel every exhalation on my neck. It's driving me insane, but I'm neglecting my cock just to focus on pleasing Okuyasu.
"Sh-should I touch you?", He asks, impossibly softly, and even though I'm about to moan a please I manage nonchalance, shrugging.
"You don't have to".
"Can I, though?"
He's embarrassed when he asks, and my whole body tingles at the question. He wants to touch me. I squeeze him in my hand without meaning to, drawing a groan off his lips. I nod fast, several times, and now his strong, firm grip is around me and I yelp in pleasure, hips jerking towards the narrow heat of his fist wrapping me. His breathing falters as I do this, and he's even closer, and we're touching each other clumsily, but with so much despair and hunger that it doesn't matter that the angle hurts my wrist or that the speed is frustrating. I just don't want to let go. I don't want him to stop touching me.
He's not looking at me. He's still watching the movie. But I'm seeing him. His darkened eyes, the wrinkle of something close to pain on his forehead, the veins and tendons of his neck and shoulders and arms and hands, the firmness of his exposed thighs.
I'm panting, mouth opened, and my eyes want to shut with the constant waves of pleasure hitting me but I need to watch Okuyasu. I need to see him.
Yet when I see his eyes widening, his jaw going slack with surprise, I glance at the TV.
They're going at it now. He's banging the woman, lifting one of her legs on his desk, taking her from behind. Her lips stretch around his cock and it's insane to watch him go in and out.
I... Kinda wanna try that. But not with a girl, it's... It's funny.
I glance at Okuyasu again.
He's looking at me.
I think I'm gay.
He presses his forehead against mine, closes his eyes, groans, wraps an arm around my waist.
And I am sure, I'm gay.
I start letting out more sounds, loud moans, that I can't hold back. He's jerking me off hard now, and his face slid down towards my neck. His panting warms up the skin of my neck and ear and it arouses me even more. I let go of his cock without thinking because I need to grasp onto his shoulders. He doesn't complain, because he pushes me even closer, tangles our legs around each other, I'm practically on his lap when he wraps a hand around the two of us, and moves it furiously, making us both groan. My eyes roll back until I shut them, my hips fucking Okuyasu's fist, my cock sliding against his in the grip of his hand and it's too much. I feel his open mouth against my neck and that's it. I yelp. I jerk forward and I come all over his hand, his abdomen, his crotch. And I shiver when I feel him come right after, trembling in my embrace.
For a long time, all what fills the silence is the actors in the movie still moaning, and our heavy breathing.
Until he lifts his gaze, wipes his drooling mouth and smiles at me.
"Oopsie", he says as if it's nothing, pushes me back to sit on the sofa and then stops the DVD. "Eek, we made a mess. But I think the sofa is safe".
I'm shocked. We just... We just did something... That we've never done before, and that in no way it's normal, is it?
Then why is he acting so casual? He's not even ashamed to look at me in the eye. I can't hold his gaze for more than two seconds but he's already asking if we should order food.
I'm having a crisis here. I am finding out that I like boys, and of all boys, I happen to like my best friend in the world.
But he's already picking another movie to watch, as he asks me please to order pizza with mozzarella and feta cheese, because that's his favourite.