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"Aloy?"
The knock startles her out of whatever bone-tired spiral she had found herself in before, but what really surprises her is how quickly Aloy finds herself scrambling to reply.
She hadn't been sleeping, even though it's probably been hours since she turned in. The world has gone quiet for the first time in a while, but rest is ever evading. Her back twinges from sitting bent over on the edge of the bed for so long, and she rolls her shoulders as the door begins to slide open, just in time for a confusing surge of nerves to rush her system and render her speechless.
Beta seems somehow even more shocked to see her, even after everything - how tightly she had clung to her the whole way home - and doesn't enter right away. There's pieces of herself she sees more and more each day with Beta, and without the weight of the world they are easier to take. Now that she's back, the force that pushed Aloy through the assault on the Zenith base has faded, but the lasting fright isn't something she is used to.
So she baulks, clears her throat but nothing comes out. She should have been sleeping, but there's still a candle lit by her bedside, so Beta knows. She's no hunter, but she has all the makings of one, somewhere in there. Her eyes dart around the room.
There's an awkward air between them, and Aloy hates it. They should be better at this by now. After everything.
"I'm sorry-" Beta whispers, as if she's still hoping to sneak out. "I don't know why I came up here."
"No!" Too much. "It's fine. Please, come in." Aloy has never been the best with words, and it seems that that is their nature, because Beta is worse. She fidgets and lingers, jumpy when the door shuts automatically behind her, but it's getting better. Aloy's whole body still thrums with the feeling of holding her in her arms. Things should be easier, but they aren't quite there yet.
"You weren't sleeping." It doesn't sound like a question, but Aloy shakes her head anyway, too drained to bother arguing a lie.
"Were you?"
Beta shrugs, eyes low, and even though they have come a long way, Aloy still doesn't fully understand her. She's difficult- stubborn like she is but twice as defensive, and while Aloy knows she wants to be here, that she considers her family, it's been a weird road. She doesn't know anything about how to make this work, how Beta expects her to act, but she's pretty sure it isn't meant to feel like this.
"Do you need anything?" Aloy fills space, but Beta is already shaking her head, already trying to retreat, and for the first time in a long time, Aloy doesn't want to be alone.
It's probably just the drinks. That's a harmless enough thing to blame. Erend hadn't let her run off so easily this time, a night of music and flowing ale being undeniably in order, and she's never held it that well. Yeah, that's why the restraint she can usually afford herself seems to be so lacking, and probably where the next surge of confidence comes from.
It's kind of a reckless move, even for her, but Aloy makes a quick decision, and follows through.
"Do you want to stay here tonight?"
It's like a switch turns. Beta's shoulders slump, but her face brightens. "Really?" She sounds about as tired as Aloy feels, and the coil of nerves lessens a little.
"There's enough room." She shuffles back until she hits the wall, giving over as much space as she can in case she manages to scare her away again. Beta is different to most of the people she has ever met, but more her than any of them ever were. Without a physically present threat of extinction hanging over her head it's easier to see these things. She's already missed the mark enough to do better.
Beta crawls into the boundless piles of fur with only a bit of trepidation, the texture probably alien against her skin where it was always natural for Aloy. She moves strangely, but that's likely because Aloy is being twice as weird, still on her haunches with her back to the wall. It takes a bit of force, but she tries it for Beta's sake, and lays stiffly on her side.
It's awkward and it shouldn't be. Hopefully she hasn't overstepped in asking her for this, bitten off more than she can chew, but she's never backed out of a challenge before and this won't be the first time. This shouldn't even be hard.
"They're softer than I thought they'd be." Beta murmurs, running her hand across the bedding, and Aloy doesn't really know what she's meant to say. There's so much she wants to tell her, to talk through. She decides settling down on her back where she doesn't have to meet Beta's eyes is the safest option.
"Yeah, I like them."
Beta might have wanted to say more, but doesn't, and Aloy desperately wishes she would.
It's strange; to want something for as long as she has, but not knowing how to ask for it once presented in front of her. Of course Beta is not innocent in this, and keeps her distance as if she had never closed it, but Aloy can tell she wants something. Maybe it's the same thing she wants.
Beta lays beside her, eventually breathing steadily, and Aloy waits for as long as she's able before sneaking a glance.
She's in a similar position, flat on her back with her hands across her stomach, eyes up and open. Now that she can slow down for a minute, it's hitting her how real this is, and how close she came to losing it. She never could have seen this coming, and her fingers twitch with the urge to touch her, to make sure it's all real. Just in case this is some kind of cruel universe spanning joke. She's not ruled it out yet.
Aloy has never struggled that much with loneliness despite everything, but now the one thing she has ever let herself want from the safety of knowing it could never actually happen has landed in her lap, and she's choking. She's been scared before but this is different, but Beta turns to her with the same clenched jaw, so she knows it's not just her. The guilt stabs again. Beta didn't even have Rost. She needs to be better for her.
"Aloy, can I ask you for something?"
She's failed her on this front before, so Aloy is quick to answer. "Of course."
"It's weird." A warning, a chance to back out, and completely unnecessary.
"Okay?"
Beta's throat bobs with a swallow. "Can you turn away from me?"
Oh. Aloy ignores the dip of disappointment. It's not unwarranted, after all, the request. "Um, okay." She says, and faces the wall. She doesn't know what is coming over her, why Beta brings it out in her, but her throat is sore. She folds up and lays her head heavily on her bicep. It's all so stupid, and she doesn't have time for it. She needs to sleep.
Then there's heat at her back, and Aloy's heart launches into her throat as an arm loops cautiously around her waist, careful not to touch her too much. Aloy stiffens up before she can help it.
"Is this okay?" Beta asks her, as if every nerve isn't firing off at once.
"Yeah- yes, it's good."
She forces herself to breathe steady, to relax a little, but it's harder said than done. Beta is trying the same strategy, to lesser effect, but at least she manages the ultimate goal of actually letting her arm rest on Aloy's body, where Aloy herself can't imagine doing that. Her heart is beating like she's running for her life.
Being held like this is something she hadn't even dared dream of; even a hug from Elisabet always seemed so self indulgent in the harsh light of day. But Beta is not Elisabet. Beta is real.
… Not some inferior copy…
That last conversation with Tilda rings in her head, sits heavy in her stomach, and Aloy itches to address it. To soar in and fix it. She's messed up with Beta so many times already that it's bound to happen again, but she can't let it pass. Beta inhales deep and long behind her - releasing it as a rush of cool, broken air - and it's suddenly so apparent that Beta isn't close to sleep either.
Maybe she's thinking about it too. It's something she's probably thought about for years, that Aloy has only seen glimpses of in their brief time together, and the guilt hits her like a tideripper tail to the gut. Her status as a clone has always given her surprising privileges, and Beta hasn't even seen a sunset. She needs to show her a sunset.
"What Tilda said-" the words burst out of her suddenly, before they are straight in her head. "You know that's all bullshit right?"
Silence. Aloy doesn't have a clean slate with Beta when it comes to the same, so she's not surprised if she doesn't believe her. "Beta?"
"I still have to get used to it." She says, and the rest is easy to infer. It's better than Aloy is sure she would have taken it. Her throat is tight. It shouldn't be like this. Not trusting her voice, she twists her arm to lay her palm on Beta's wrist.
She let her go back to that. She had wanted to die before going back to that. Aloy doesn't know what Tilda had planned for herself, if her ultimate plan had worked, but there had been a stab of fear. That reminder is enough to carve some words out.
"I'm sorry." Aloy chokes and Beta stiffens behind her. She goes to pull away, but Aloy's hold is stronger than she means it to be. She doesn't let her go this time. "I let them take you-"
"You destroyed their facility-"
"But what if I hadn't? I promised-"
Beta doesn't cut her off verbally this time, but her hand curls into a fist around Aloy's waist, and that's just as effective.
There's quiet for a moment, long enough that Aloy is sure that Beta will just get up and leave her again just as she's starting to get used to all this, but nothing happens. Just the steady rise and fall of breathing behind her. It's more calming than it should be.
"I'm glad you didn't kill me."
Aloy isn't expecting anything more from her, so the words hit her strangely, and she barks a sarcastic laugh before she can keep it in check. "Me too." She says, but there's no way Beta can really understand how much she means it. Her jaw is uncomfortably tight, and her throat twists but she's not crying about it. The threat might be distant, but there's work to be done, she's not finished yet, but she can't stop words from spilling out. "I'm sorry-"
"Stop." Beta's arm disappears from around her, and Aloy misses it immediately. She doesn't want to turn around, and locks her eyes closed just in case. Beta doesn't miss a beat. "Look at me. Aloy."
Beta isn't leaving, isn't really doing anything but watching her. Her frustrated voice is her natural state so Aloy shouldn't be so surprised by it, but it commands attention in their tight corners. She forces her neck to turn, not sure what to expect really, but it's her own face - Elisabet's face, Beta's face - staring back at her.
Things have changed since the first time Aloy got a good look at her, half dead and already eulogizing, like her life was only worth that. Aloy can't believe how many times she lucked out just to get herself here, and she's wasting it. Beta's eyebrows furrow.
"You don't need to apologise, it's done. We did it!"
"We did it." Aloy echoes. Maybe if she says it enough, the calm will come with time.
"What's done is done." Beta shrugs, and Aloy curls into herself a little, because usually she would have thought the same. Instead, she's spent the night of celebration dwelling on every second it nearly went wrong. They were prepared, but they were lucky, and she can't put that exhaustion into words. Beta sounds confident though, and moves her body with Aloy's. They shouldn't fit together this easily, but the hunger seems to have rotted inside of her for longer than she knew, because instead of being satiated by it, Aloy just craves more.
"Can you, uh-" she struggles. "Tighter." It's not elegant, but it gets the job done. Beta doesn't laugh, but does suck in a breath deeper than the rest. Aloy hopes the embarrassed red rushing up her shoulders isn't too obvious in the low light. It shouldn't be embarrassing; Beta almost crushed her ribs the entire ride back, but asking for it is different. She's never craved contact like this before, never even liked people sitting too close to her around a campfire, but the dam seems to have broken and it has her trapped under the current.
She hopes Beta feels the same way. Likely she does. She shifts behind her, her other arm slipping under Aloy's body to join the first, both wrapped around her stomach just awkwardly enough to be clear that neither of them have ever done this before. Aloy can't imagine she would like it if it were anyone else, but it's not anyone else. It's Beta, and Aloy drinks up the attention with only a little trepidation.
It's not like her to be like this. She should not be like this in front of Beta. She needs to be stronger for her - for everyone - because the job isn't done, and she's getting worried that she's let herself get too deep in this. Beta definitely knows too, which just makes it all worse. Substantially agitated, Aloy pivots.
"I don't believe you're comforting me right now." Beta hums.
"I won't lie, it's nice to see you scared for once. I was starting to worry that you were insane or something." It's kind of her to change the subject, and Aloy jumps on it, her lips quirking up at the edges. She's glad Beta can't see her face.
"That would have been bad for you."
"Tell me about it."
Beta takes to touch easier than she does. At least, she has the humility to seek it out, or the ease of mind to pursue it naturally, though Aloy has doubts about the latter. Her fingers glide easily up and down Aloy's stomach, and the warm tingling sensation is more than she knows what to do with. She's riding a kind of high that she has only known before in fragments.
She shivers, and Beta stops.
"Sorry." She sounds timid, and she shouldn't, because Aloy is already brawling with herself for moving.
"No, don't stop." She breathes, and then rushes out explanation because that sounded way too despairing. "I don't let people touch me much."
"Oh. Okay."
Beta does not argue anymore than that. Embarrassment ticks its way under Aloy's skin, until she starts moving again, this time brushing along her forearm until all those tiny hairs stand on end.
Aloy’s eyes are starting to feel heavy, not quite tired but close enough for her. Beta is thinking loud enough to rock the foundations, and she blames that for why she still can't sleep. Letting Beta come to her is easy, like waiting for a machine to get close to a trap; Aloy is good at waiting. She’s matched her breathing with Beta’s at some point, so she feels it when Beta finally makes the decision to follow through.
"You can tell me to leave if you want."
That's not what she expected. “What?” She whispers.
"If you don't like- I’d just get it if you want to be alone."
There's nothing Aloy wants less.
"No, it's okay when you do it." Aloy sighs, answering the actual question as plainly as she can without just confusing Beta more.
"Just making sure." Beta is anxious in ways Aloy can't relate to but understands more every day. It's dangerous, brings too much of herself to her own attention, but if this is what she gets for doing it then it has to be worth it. Aloy doesn't think she's been this relaxed since whatever age she was when Rost put her down and didn't pick her back up again.
She shifts her weight back, hoping it's as much of a comfort to Beta as it is confirmation that she definitely likes this. Beta hasn’t let her down, holds her tight as is comfortable and then a little more, and matches her when she moves. Adjusting to make herself comfortable- it's a good development, and Aloy finally feels like she could at some point rest again.
Eventually, Beta's hold loosens and her breathing evens out, but she still drags her fingertips across Aloy's skin, until she feels like loose clay in a rainstorm. She hums in favour of voicing it, because words feel like too much and she's half sure Beta isn't present to hear them, but she still whispers a goodnight before she must drift off, because Beta pulls her in closer, and it's better than any dream she might have had. Maybe that's why she has none at all.
_
Aloy thinks she might be asleep when it happens, or maybe she wakes herself up somewhere in the process, but time has certainly passed. All she knows is that she becomes dreamily aware of a heat in her gut and that her hips are moving, rolling into something brushing along her navel, just above her waistband, and it feels good. Disorientating, but good, and she half stretches, half chases after that feeling.
Whatever it is is moving with her. Pushing her forward from behind. There's something between her legs and she wants to close them, to rub them together, the sensation new but not unfamiliar, not startling enough on its own. She cants her hips up, pushes back into that warmth, and tries to remember where she is without opening her eyes and committing to rejoining the world. She's never been so relaxed before.
Whatever is touching her isn't firm, almost ticklish as it dips lower, but she yearns out for it anyway. It stokes that fire inside her too much, too hot, but Aloy only really wakes up when a moan breaks its way out of her throat, ragged and loud, and the spell is broken faster than a laser shot.
It echoes around the room back to her worse than any misstep out in the world, and all notion of sleep disappears because she realises exactly what she's been doing and where she is. That she's not alone. The candle has burned out and the room is dark. It makes the disruption feel all the more real, impossible to sweep under the rug, and the seconds that follow are long.
Aloy holds position, hoping she hasn’t woken her - that Beta is asleep - but Beta freezes up as she does and hope dies in her chest.
“Aloy?"
Her shoulders rise up around her like a shield. "I’m sorry. I can't believe I just did that.”
“It's okay.” Beta’s voice is low; she was asleep. She probably struggles with it the same as she does. Or maybe in a whole different way. Aloy doesn’t know what to make of anything anymore. Something like adrenaline is rushing through her limbs, and she forces it back, tries to tough it out, but something is different. At some point in the night, one of Beta’s legs had found its way between hers, and she's keenly aware of it now. It's not improper, no higher than her knee currently, but Aloy can’t breathe about it because she was grinding on her. How could she do that?
Beta is still as a statue behind her, but Aloy doesn't have it in her to deal with that right now because she's never done that before. She's never fallen asleep with someone either, but that doesn't excuse it. Beta is going to think shes some crazed sex pest and she's never even-
"Are you freaking out?" Aloy almost scoffs, but there's nothing to laugh at here. Beta waits for her, does not move her hand, does not move at all. It's like she's trying to make this hard for her.
"How can you tell?" She hates the sound of her own voice, how pathetic it is. Being at anyone's mercy is not her forte, but this is something new and awful to contend with. It's half the reason she's not let anyone get near her before. She's regretting it already.
Beta is too forgiving for her own good. "It's okay, you know? You're under a lot of pressure, it's only natural-"
"I've been under pressure for a long time, and I've never-" Aloy wishes she hadn't said anything, had just let Beta hand wave this away for her, but her stupid mouth gets there before she can stop it. Beta is probably very good at justifying things to herself, and maybe that's why she hasn't run away yet, but Aloy is already thinking about disappearing herself (and contending with the guilt of considering it) before she speaks again.
"You didn't do anything wrong. Go back to sleep." Beta takes a deep breath, relaxes back around her, lets her knuckles brush Aloy's stomach as if that's okay. She may as well have punched her.
"Beta-" She breathes, aiming for annoyance but ending with frustration. One of Beta's arms is still pinned under her, probably painful by now, but if it is then she's better at masking than Aloy thought she'd be. She doesn't know her very well yet.
"Do you want me to leave?"
Yes! Say yes!
"No…" Aloy is tired of being alone. It's embarrassing- pathetic, but there's not many ways she could make it worse for herself tomorrow than she already has so she may as well enjoy it now. Well, as much as she can when she swears her body is about to erupt into flames.
There's blissful quiet, long enough to get her breathing under some vague semblance of control, but Beta makes it look easy. Her chest rises and falls steadily behind her, and when she follows that lead it becomes easier to deal with how tightly coiled her insides feel. She's jittery, fighting desperately not to show it, and fails spectacularly.
"Do you need some space?" Beta's breath is hot on the back of her neck. Aloys spine hurts with the effort to keep still, but she grits her teeth.
"No."
How is she so calm? Beta is logical, but just as volatile as she is, and Aloy can't believe she doesn't have a problem with this. She would have a problem with this. She would probably have broken someone's nose over this.
"How are you not…" Disgusted. Horrified. Aloy leaves the option up for interpretation.
Beta squirms and it's like being caught in a rockslide. Aloy has to remember to breathe.
"I don't know. I just want to- I want to be near you. After what I saw, when I was back there-'' Virtual reality dissociation. That's what Tilda had called it. Aloy wants to ask about it, but she doesnt think either of them are ready for that right now. Beta's fingers begin moving again, tapping lightly under her ribs, and that's so much better. Easier to distinguish as separate from the almost painful, pulling sensation that might be ripping Aloy apart from the inside. "I understand what you said earlier, you know? About not really wanting to be around people, or, um, let them touch you."
"Yeah?"
"But this is different. With you it's… different." Aloy doesn't know why her stomach is dropping so fast, but having her own words repeated back helps more than she expects it too. "I want to be here."
Aloy does actually scoff at that one, but it's a testament to how much less likely her chest is to explode that she manages it at all. There's something about Beta that gets under her skin like nothing else, but she's getting used to the feeling.
"What?" Beta asks. Aloy doesn't know how to answer her, so she shrugs and hopes Beta will just let it all go. She's not so lucky. "What do you want, Aloy?"
Her name always sounds a little foreign when Beta uses it, like she wasn't built to say it, but she's trying. She likes hearing her say it. Aloy sighs. "I don't know."
"I don't mind, if you need to- if you want to-'' Aloy's eyes fly open, and she's instantly unnerved that she can't adjust to the pitch black of sleeping inside. Maybe being able to see would make it easier to unjumble what she's just heard into something she can accept just came out of Beta's mouth.
"What?"
"I mean, we're the same. It's not a big deal."
It feels like one. Aloy's throat is dry.
"I'm not going to do that." She whispers, not for lack of wanting (desperate, deep seated wanting) but for the last threads of her dignity.
"You don't have to, you just- you're really tense." So she is. "Is that a weird thing to talk about here?"
"Uh. Yeah? I guess." Aloy realises suddenly that she's been selfish again, forgotten that Beta doesn't have the human cues that even she has managed to collect. Raised by dismissable AI. Aloy is still struggling to wrap her head around it all, but she's never been the best representation for the mass population, so she corrects. "I'm not sure. Probably not."
"Good to know." She muses, as if this is an atmosphere for musing. "Either way, there's nothing wrong with masturbation, Aloy, even if it is culturally taboo. Even animals do it."
Aloy nods because that's all she can think of to do. Beta's hand stills, and without that constant distraction everything becomes so much less grounded. In the dark, it's easy to start justifying things to herself, to listen to Beta's soft voice and believe it, but there's one more problem.
"What about tomorrow?" She asks, barely audible but somehow still heard.
Beta hums like a question mark. Aloy closes her eyes tight.
"Will it be weird?"
There's more shifting behind her, and Aloy holds her breath the entire time. Her legs tense as Beta's rise.
"No."
That's enough permission for her. Aloy has moved around in her sleep, has both arms tucked under her head, and lets one free before she realises that Beta's are retreating. It doesn't feel good, but she isn't sure what she was expecting. It's not worth dwelling on.
She may have been awake before Beta found her, but she had at least tried to maintain the private illusion that she was in fact going to bed, and had put on some sleepwear. It's the lightest fabric she's ever worn, and she doesn't know who left them for her but they are clearly a luxury not meant for her. Her limbs feel floaty without the weight of her normal clothes. It makes it far too easy to do this.
Beta isn't touching her anymore, but she can still feel her there. A quiet, warm presence that she isn't used to, that seems to have dragged some part of Aloy's essence away with it. Some part that wants back in. The bed isn't that big, and there's a pull-
Aloy rolls onto her back and pushes away the thoughts rushing around her head. Her body thrums with excitement like the traitor that it is, and her legs spread a little too easily, just as much as she needs them to, just enough to fit her hand between them.
She takes one last second to listen for a reason to stop, but there's nothing. If there weren't still a dip in the bed, and she suddenly completely lost her mind, she could have even forgotten she was there at all. Aloy's hand slips under the waistband of her shorts, keeping her breathing even by pure force of will when she finally touches herself, but she knows then it's a lost cause. There's no way she's going to be able to stay quiet.
Beta probably thinks it's funny, that she's trying at all. She knows what she's doing. A shiver racks through Aloy's body like electricity.
Aloy moves slowly, because as much as she knows that Beta knows, she can't help but try to keep it a secret. She parts her folds, draws a digit up, and bites down hard on her lip. Her lifestyle hasn't allowed her much time for herself, but she knows the basics, knows her body enough to be surprised by how wet she is. How damning this evidence is.
Did she have a sex dream? Someone once told her that was a thing. She brushes up towards her clit, and puts all her power into keeping her hips flat. Usually, if she felt the need at all, Aloy got herself off fast. She's never really denied herself like she has tonight, and it's a wholly different experience.
The moment she touches herself, the control she had dissipates faster than rainwater into the sea. There's less friction, but that means she just needs to seek it out more. Rocked by nerve deep shudders, she's betrayed again when she can't keep her jaw shut and a whine breaks loose. Aloy's chest is tight, but when nothing bad happens she sets herself an easy pace, tight circles where it feels best, and tries not to think too much about how she ended up like this.
She pushes her shirt up before she can think better of it, and her back arches into the empty air, then again for her hand. Her nipples are hard, already sensitive, and her chest starts to burn before Aloy realises what's wrong.
"Don't forget to breathe." Aloy tries to listen, but it's like coming up for air when she's been drowning, and she's left gasping for just trying. "In and out, Aloy. You can't come if you can't breathe." That's not true, and Aloy knows that, but she goes along with it anyway. Her hips buck up into her hand. "That's it, doesn't that feel better?"
It does. Aloy can't get words out, but a groan breaks through that is answer enough. Beta exhales loudly, the room stifling hot around them. Aloy wants her closer, misses the contact. Maybe thats what people like sex for.
That one lands with her, through the haze. Her fingers stutter for a moment, miss a beat, and Aloy doesn't care anymore about being quiet.
Beta must sense something. If Aloy really tries, she thinks she can make out her outline, the slight shine of her eyes. She's watching her. Well, as much as Aloy is watching her back. As much as either of them can when it's dark enough that it doesn't really matter. Aloy wants-
She tries to call back how it felt to be pressed up against her, drawing on the physical memory until she can almost feel it again. It's a shade of the real thing, but when she sinks her fingers inside herself she can almost be convinced. Aloy closes her eyes to focus on it, to imagine how good it would feel if Beta had run her fingers up her thighs instead, or down her back. She bucks up into her hand, and lashes out with her spare arm, landing on something firm, something soft.
"Beta…" It comes out like a plea and Aloy does not correct it. Her hand closes into a fist around Beta's shirt without her permission, but there's no resistance to it. She follows when Aloy pulls, until she has to brace herself on the bed beside her, and by then Aloy is shaking. Beta's breathing comes hot and fast, brushing at her temple like fire.
"What do you want me to do?"
Aloy doesn't have an easy answer for that. She wants what she's made up in her mind, hands that are not her own but not anyone else's- she wants arms around her and stroking her and-
"Touch me." She breathes, barely able to form the syllables around her panting, but Beta deciphers it.
The bed dips, and it's some indication of what is happening, so Aloy doesn't freak out too much when Beta's uncalloused hand grazes her leg. "Open up a little." She murmurs, and Aloy curls her fingers, letting the momentum follow through until her legs spread. Beta's hand is soft, and her fingers brush idly against the inside of her knee, just like before; just how she imagined- no, it's better than she imagined.
Beta urges Aloy's leg down with some gentle pressure, and climbs across it. Her knee brushes the back of Aloy's hand, sending a million fiery messages to her brain that all come out as groans. She's lost her pace, but she's still working her fingers in and out of herself as she fights the design of the human body that doesn't let her see in the dark, but the gaps are easy to fill in. Beta leans down into her space, breathes her air, and does as she's been asked.
Her hands are warm, and run up from Aloy's waist to her ribs, tracing along the bones like she is mapping her out. It's not as panic inducing as Aloy expected it to be. There's a reason she hasn't done this before.
There are still clothes between them, and maybe that's what makes it less threatening. Aloy's trapped leg rises back up, pushes Beta further forward and closer to her, and pulls a sound from her that Aloy swallows directly from the source. She wasn't kissing her, but she's close enough to, and the thought only leaves her when Beta brushes her hand away from her chest to take the work on herself.
Beta makes slow circles with the pads of her thumbs on each of her nipples. "Is this okay?"
"Mhmm-" Aloy chokes, pulling out to turn her attention fully to her clit, and taking Beta's lead. She closes a little around her leg, ruts up and lets the leverage apply more pressure. She’s met with the same from above, guiding her hand with careful rising motions, more steady than her own.
They quickly fall into a rhythm that feels easy, and Aloy’s other hand wraps mindlessly around Beta’s shirt before she can think better of it. She should have, because it just makes it harder to stop herself from asking for what she really wants.
"Can I touch you?" She breathes, and Beta sighs in her mouth. They aren't kissing, but as they rock against each other, there are brushes of contact that put Aloy's heart in her throat.
"If you want too." Beta murmurs, and Aloy's train of thought goes off the tracks as another world of possibility opens up to her. She pulls her down to lay across her, and tenses when her shirt feels scratchy and unwieldy between them. The question comes out before she can think better of it.
"Can I take this off?" She tugs on the hem, so there's no confusion, and Beta just nods, her entire body rolling forward into Aloy's. Between the two of them they manage to pull Beta's shirt over her head. Aloy pulls her back down by the back of her neck, arching into the expanse of skin to skin contact that she's never even considered would feel this good, but the thirst for it is uncorked now and she's drinking greedily. She’s building fast, legs shaking, but Beta is keeping the pace for her now, and she falls heavily into her furs, hips lurching up to meet her own hand.
The other slides down Beta’s back, not knowing how hard she’s going until Beta hisses into her mouth.
“Sorry.” She breathes, but Beta’s head is shaking.
“It's okay, just don’t stop.”
Aloy doesn’t have any intention of stopping. She holds on as hard as her tremouring body will allow her and guides Beta’s hips down on her thigh, thrilling when her breathing hitches. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, and Aloy nearly cums at the slick brush of her against her own mouth. She wants to give chase but her back is rigid, her legs shaking, and Beta’s head falls to her shoulder as she thrusts down, grinding on Aloy’s leg and taking over for both of them.
"You feel amazing." She groans, and Aloy’s jaw locks, all her energy diverting to holding Beta and pushing back into her as she climbs towards her peak. She wants so much for something she can't name, for more and more until-
Beta moans and dips lower, and brushes of tongue and teeth dust across Aloy's collarbone, then lower. Aloy arches up into her mouth, but she can't last past the first few seconds, and tenses up.
"Shit, shit, shit!" Aloy cums hard, harder than she ever has alone, and she thinks she blacks out for a second. It's a full body release, like a valve has turned and rebooted her from her centre, and it's the best she's ever felt in her life. Her fingers slip across her clit too fast, but it's good, and she can't stop, and Beta isn't stopping either.
She's not sure how long it lasts, but when Aloy comes back to herself, she's already clawing at fabric, slipping her fingers under Beta's waistband and leaving wet streaks where she goes. It doesn't take her long to catch her breath.
"Beta?" She can't see her, but she quivers at her name. Her hips are starting to lose their surety, more desperate than cognisant.
"Just take them off." Beta hisses. She's panting, hot and wet like blood at Aloy's throat, and jolts when nails dig into her back. Her moans kill any apologies before they can bubble up.
Aloy pushes Beta's garments down as far as she can, letting herself lingur on the backs of her thighs before she decides to just go for it. She squeezes a hand between them - no easy task - and cups Beta as she would herself. It's like second nature to touch her, to coax out those gorgeous sounds she keeps making, and when Aloy pulls her up by the back of the neck, Beta doesn't fight her.
She's not thinking about it when they meet halfway, about what exactly it is that she's doing, and it doesn't hit her for some time. Beta's mouth is hot, and she pulls on the smaller hairs at the base of Aloy's skull like she's trying to make her forfeit this fight they seem to have found themselves in, and she does. Beta licks into her mouth as Aloy's hand slips lower. Beta's hips jerk up like she's being pulled on strings.
"Fuck me." She breathes before any question can be asked, because Aloy desperately wants to. The command takes care of the awkward part. Beta takes her easily, and while Aloy did not go into this with expectations, this certainly exceeds any she might have thought up, given the chance.
A hand in her hair guides her back up to a kiss, becoming short and sharp as Aloy recovers from the shock. She's never done this to anyone but herself, but this is Beta, and she doesn't expect it to be different, or to knock the air from her chest . Beta's walls clench around her like shes trying to pull her deeper, like she belongs there, and it hits her then that she's having sex. Right now. Beta groans when her hand stalls.
"Later, Aloy, we'll talk about it later, I swear, just please-"
It doesn't matter. It doesn't really mean anything, but it's new, so Aloy's blood races anyway. She's never sought out any of this, never cared for any assumed aspect of it, but it's been a night of rude awakenings and she's learning to roll with them. Beta's teeth clip around her jaw, nails dragging around her neck, and Aloy curls her fingers just to see if she can push her further.
Beta curses, shifting her weight to force Aloy down, and slides her knee back between her legs. Aloy hadn't even realised how much pressure had built its way back up in her, and that the first brush of contact severs some last thread of control she has. Beta is soft and warm and Aloy never thought pleasuring someone else with her hands could excite her this much, but she's barely aware of herself when Beta's breathing is breaking the world apart around her.
Her bites are getting rougher, definitely hard enough to leave a mark, but Aloy doesn't care. They're twisted up together like foliage consumes an old wall, like anything that cannot be separated from each other. She could fall apart if that happened.
Aloy thanks her years of archery for her strong wrists and matches the frantic pace being set above her. Beta doesn't stifle herself - she probably never needed to - and her name sounds almost natural coming out of her mouth like this. Aloy could listen to her for days.
"I'm-" Beta does not manage any more than that. She angles herself so that she can grind on the heel of her hand, and Aloy pushes up, rubs that rougher patch that's inside them both that usually-
She cums quietly, but Aloy feels it happen; the tension cresting, how her body fights to keep her inside. She's getting close again too, but making Beta cum is hitting the same notes, tugging at her insides. She slows at Beta's pace, and doesn't stop until she feels teeth at her neck.
"Fuck, Beta-"
Beta moves languidly; both hands drag down Aloy's body while she drops hot, open kisses to anywhere she can reach without moving too much. She settles a hand on each of her legs, and they part without her having to ask. Aloy is learning fast what gets results. She arches her neck to give her some more space.
"I want to try something."
Aloy would do anything she wanted, but she still fusses when Beta pulls away from her, following her up onto her knees even though she doesn't go far, never really stops touching her. She waits in the dark for instruction, rubbing her thighs together, until Beta pulls her down.
She's sitting up, back against the wall, and settles Aloy between her legs. "Now turn around," she whispers. "Just trust me." She does trust her, and Aloy starts to get it when Beta pulls her back against her chest and wraps both arms around her; one crossing over her chest to steady her, while the other trails down her stomach. She pauses as she reaches coarser hair, and pivots to circling around her hips instead. "Is this okay?"
It's more than okay. Aloy pushes back into her chest, and nods frantically, because this is perfect.
Her shorts are ruined, the flimsy fabric already stretched from being pushed aside and soaking wet. Beta traces their boundaries, across Aloy's stomach and down her legs, and she doesn't need to ask for Aloy to snap and tear them down herself. She kicks them off somewhere, and doesn't care where they land.
There's an approving sound that Aloy wants to bottle for later, but Beta takes it slow, exploring her in the dark. A small whine builds in the back of Aloy's throat, escaping when Beta's fingers slide between her folds and down to her centre. She touches her so carefully, like she's worried she could break her, and slow enough that Aloy thinks she might. "You're so wet."
With no hope for words, Aloy lets the moans come freely, reaching up above her head for something to hold onto. She threads her fingers through Beta's hair, letting herself become pliable under her hands, and only pulls when Beta decides she's ready, and draws arousal up the length of Aloy's sex. She pulls and Beta understands, pressing kisses up her neck. Aloy's head falls back onto her shoulder. Beta keeps her touch light but consistent, like she knows how overstimulating this is all becoming. Aloy is shaking like a leaf between her legs.
"Beta-" Aloy rasps, because that's all she can think to say. She widens her stance a little, getting the leverage she needs to lift herself off the bed and chase Beta's hand, but folds back down immediately when it's too much, curses slipping out between her teeth like cries. She turns her head and tries to find her lips in the dark. "Fuck, fuck-"
It's too exposed. Survivor instinct screams against it, but Aloy knows it's not real; that she’s safe. The threat is gone, and Beta kisses her despite the awkward angle, despite how close she had come to fucking it all up, until Aloy is panting too hard to keep up.
“B- inside, please-” Her legs kick and buckle, her whole body thrumming under Beta’s hands, rolling up to meet her. She isn’t prepared for the reality of her ask, for Beta's sharp gasp or her own hungry reaction, but by then she's too far gone to care.
Beta's other hand turns its attention to her chest while she gets used to being inside her, and Aloy isn't going to rush her through that. She's still riding the high of that feeling, contending with being on the other side of it, and tries not to fall to pieces when Beta groans with her.
"More-" she sighs. "I can take more." She has no idea if she can take more, but Beta slips a third finger in with the next thrust and the stretch makes her see white. "Yeah, just- fuck!"
"Oh my god." Beta breathes, and Aloy clings to the sound in her voice, like she's been caught mid revelation. Beta fucks her like she's chasing something just out of her grasp, at this perfect pace that makes Aloy's imagination go wild. As different as they are, their bodies are the same, and Beta seems to know how they work.
Aloy can feel herself tightening up. She knew she wasn't going to last long but it's hard to allow herself to get there, even as she lets loose desperate whines that would embarrass her if it weren't dark. If it wasn't Beta. She doesn't want to stop.
"Beta-" she's been chanting her name the entire time but somehow Beta knows this one is different.
"It's okay, Aloy. You can let go."
Aloy tucks her head down under Beta's, eyebrows furrowing as her muscles jolt and flex, and when she opens her mouth it's only the broken beginnings of words that come out. Beta seems to get it. She curves her fingers up, and Aloy cums howling moments later at her throat, clinging to her arm, and begging her not to stop.
She doesn't slow until Aloy falls back to the bed, until every possible wave of pleasure has been dragged out of her. Aloy's head does not clear until she begins to pull out, when the sound of her own arousal pings on something in her brain, something that makes her shiver.
"Oh shit," she breathes, but it comes out in all her aftershocks like laughter. Beta's fingers lingur as wet streaks along her thighs.
Her body seems stupidly weak, but Aloy doesn't resent it as much as she normally would. She wants to move, to find a position that's more comfortable, so that she's not leaning so heavily on Beta, and even though there are no complaints from behind her, she feels the need to explain herself. Beta never stops touching her, rubbing her thighs, her stomach, wherever she can reach, and the words catch in her throat on the way out.
"Sorry, I just… I need a minute." Beta rumbles in the same laughing way behind her, and it rocks through Aloy's body too. She's smiling, and it feels stupid on her face, but its nice to see Beta so relaxed. Well, not see her. She wishes she could see her.
"It's okay. Do you want me too-" Beta lifts her hips, and Aloy is surprised that she might be able to move her when she feels like a puddle of lead at the bottom of a ravine.
"Yeah. Okay."
With minimal effort on her own part, Aloy finds herself back on her side. Beta slumps down around her, and Aloy finds herself twisting around, seeking out her touch until Beta wraps an arm back around her. Aloy is sure she's spoiled herself with this, because she doesn't care that Beta is holding back laughter as long as she stays where she is.
"Was that your first time?" Aloy is too spent to be embarrassed by the question, but still deflects. Beta runs her fingers up her stomach.
"Was it not yours?"
"Well, yes, but I've studied human sexuality extensively, and that includes certain modules-"
"Beta." Aloy does mean for it to come out as soft as it does, but she's still reeling and doesn't mind it when Beta huffs.
"I've seen videos."
"Okay." Aloy snorts. It feels like she's floating. "Was it obvious?"
Beta draws her oxygen in deeply. "No, I just assumed." She murmurs, sounding like herself again while Aloy is sure she will never get back to normal.
"Right."
"You're okay with it?"
Aloy nods. She wants to tell her that she can't imagine anyone else in her place, but that might be too much. She misses the version of herself that existed twenty minutes ago. That Aloy could have said it. "Are you?"
The vulnerability is creeping back in, and Beta holds her tight, like she feels it too. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."
Beta seems braver today. She's been braver every day Aloy has seen her, and she doesn't know what happened back with the Zeniths, but she's glad that one of them is being blunt right now. It makes the process so much easier, because she doubts she can sleep before she recalibrates, and she needs to ask one more question before it's done.
It's a hard one, and she needs to warm up to it. Enough time passes that she needs to check that she's not fallen asleep in the meantime. "Beta?"
She sighs to show she's listening, but exhaustion is catching up fast so Aloy doesn't hesitate. "We'll be okay, right? Tomorrow?"
It's probably the last few weeks catching up to her while her walls are down, but Aloy lets it come. Beta presses to her back, her lips ghosting over Aloy's shoulder as she settles on the words she wants. It doesn't take her long, but Aloy feels the seconds tick into her skin like shrapnel. Beta's voice rings clear through the quiet.
"If I wake up with you, and this wasn't a dream, this will have been the best day of my life."
It's deeply sad, but Beta doesn't say it like it is. It does what is needed, answers the question, quiets the immediate stress, and adds to the millions of conversations she wants to have with her but will never know how to. Aloy takes the hand around her and pulls it to her chest.
"Okay." Aloy swells with affection she doesn't know what to do with, that warms her from the inside out, but she doesn't press her further. She's not ready for that yet, for saying it out loud, and sleep is weighing too heavily on her eyes to fight it. "Goodnight, Beta."
Beta tangles their legs together, sighing so comfortably that Aloy is convinced to be as well.
"Mm, goodnight, Aloy."
-
When Aloy wakes up the next day, it's to a quiet base and still wrapped up in Beta's arms. She's sore in brand new ways that make going back to sleep impossible, but she's comfortable and GAIA hasn't even turned the lights on yet. She stretches as much as she can without disturbing the peace.
Today is going to be long, but everyone needs rest, so she quickly concludes that they have some time before they need to pull themselves together. Beta is sleeping like the dead, and she should be, but if it's selfish to take the last few moments she has to enjoy this to herself, well then she needs to reevaluate her life.
Neither of them have moved much in the night, and it's almost too intimate for Aloy's sensibilities, but it's just another assurance that that really happened. It wasn't a dream. That's enough to reckon with on its own.
She's never slept naked before, nevermind with someone, but it's not unpleasant, like she imagined it would be. The same things she thought would make her uncomfortable - the heat, the sweat, the inability for a quick escape - aren't even registering when Beta's hand is between her breasts and she fits so nicely there. Aloy doesn't have her focus, having taken it off before Beta found her way in here, so she is left completely alone with her thoughts for the first time in a while, but it's as good a time as any. There's a lot to consider.
Beta's absence had hit her hard, but her return has clearly hit harder. She's never truly wanted to be around anyone like this before, nevermind share her space, but she finds herself idling dwelling on asking Beta to move into her room before she catches herself. She needs to wait until she wakes up first. This isn't just about her anymore.
Aloy has no idea what to expect. Beta has never been what she expected anyway, but it would be nice to have some clue. Every time a memory flickers back to her it gets harder to pretend that she's not hoping it goes one way over the other. That Beta cares even a little bit about what happened. That she might want to do it again.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Aloy tries to relax, and Beta sighs contentedly at her back. Aloy wishes she could see her. She had no idea how she's going to react to seeing her again.
Warmth blooms in her chest before abruptly bombing down into her stomach when she realises how deep she's gotten in this. A couple of months ago she would have shuddered at the ideas finding their way into her head now, at being held, at letting anyone this far past the apparent point of no return where the danger gets too real. When instead of wanting to be left alone, she wants to be left alone with Beta.
She wishes Varl were here. He was the closest she's gotten to this before, the most she ever actually enjoyed someone's presence for more than a few hours, and he had always understood things Aloy never could- like the Utaru. Like Beta. Not that she ever could have told him…
It won't be weird when Beta wakes up. Aloy doesn't know how she's going to manage it, but she's determined to try. Beta mumbles something that she can't quite make out, like maybe she's waking up, and Aloy has to force the nerves back.
She needs to be better for her. She wants to be better. This will go well. Aloy just wants to see her.